Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

18, Overweight, and Pregnant (Trish)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 6 Comments

I have always been over weight for as long as i can remember, at 18 i met my fiance and he was 33! he was so fun and it was risky and fun to be with an older guy and i knew my family would hate it. but 4months in i found out i was pregnant, i freaked out how could i be? i was on the pill! but i was. he was so understanding and actually excited! well my family dis-owned me and his dis-owned him, we carried on our relationship, i moved in with him & in Nov. along came our son! he was amazing and 6months later i am finally ok with my body because my son loves me no matter what and so does my fiance and thats all that matters so i started to love myself to, i am working on losing some weight, to be healthy not to look any better! :)

the photo in the tshirt i am 38 weeks pregnant. the others are 6months PP.

Unlovely: Round Three (Mir)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 2 Comments

Previous post here.

Age: 29
Pregnancies: 3
Births: 2
Children: 4-years-old & 1-year-old

I last posted here in August 2009. A lot has happened–that’s how it tends to go in life. I lost a lot of weight but the saggy/baggy tummy I had never went away no matter how more fit and thin I got. In the spring of 2010, I suffered a miscarriage. It was awful. For some reason, my sense of self–especially my body concept was really affected by that miscarriage. My husband and my relationship was not going well and I was so desperate for someone to tell me that I was beautiful that I got into some things I soon regretted. Thankfully, there is forgiveness and we’ve moved on from that time. But, it still was and is painful. I got pregnant again in the summer of 2010 and my daughter was born in the spring of 2011. It was a much easier pregnancy and birth with a lot less post-partum depression. But, here I am with the same darn saggy/baggy tummy. It doesn’t shatter my world as much as it once did but I really am seriously considering a tummy tuck and breast lift after I’m done breastfeeding my daughter. My husband really wants to have more children but I don’t want to wait to get my body back. So, I am not sure what’s going to happen with that. Lately, I’ve just been feeling so sad about the state of my belly. I’ve been in pilates 3 times a week for the past 6 months and have gotten a lot stronger and healthier but still my stomach shows no difference. Just makes me feel like crying. Sometimes I just feel really unlovely and unlovable. I’m only 29 but my body looks so terrible. I guess I’m just afraid to inherit my mother’s body. She always hated her saggy/baggy tummy–she had a lot more extra weight than I have, though. I don’t want to be old before my time and that’s exactly what my tummy looks like to me.

This is Me (Leanne)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Legs, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 9 Comments

23 years old, 1 pregnancy 1 birth, daughter aged 4

I fell pregnant a month after my 18th birthday. It wasn’t planned and came as a total shock, but once the initial shock was over, I was happy. I prepared myself mentally for everything that was to come; except the changes to my body. I developed stretch marks at around 22 weeks. I remember seeing one in the mirror for the first time and thinking ‘Oh no, I’m going to have that scar for life!’ but I wasn’t prepared for the dozens upon dozens of stretch marks to follow. By the time my beautiful girl was born, I was covered. I was so happy and thrilled to be a mother that at first I put them to the back of my mind, but as she got older and time went on the more I focused back on myself. I hated my body. I was over-weight, covered in scars, my breasts had dropped after breast feeding and I felt like an old woman. But I didn’t give in to my negative thoughts. By the time my little girl was one years old, I’d joined a diet club and was exercising more and began to slowly lose my baby weight; that’s when the turning point came. As my friends and family complimented me on how much weight I’d lost and how healthy I was looking, it spurned me on. I didn’t go over the top, but just kept to what I was doing and still enjoyed precious time with my daughter. I accepted that I could lose weight if I tried but would never lose the scars. Once I accepted it I started to love my body again. I’m now 23 with my confidence back. My scars tell a story of the most important journey of my life and make me who I am. For the first time since I had my daughter, I wore a bikini on holiday last year. Yes, I don’t have the beach perfect body, but I’m a young woman, who wants to wear a bikini and why should I let worries of what other people may think stop me? As a woman, the greatest thing you can do is bring life into this world, why be ashamed of the signs that have proven you did just that!

7 Months Pregnant and Scared (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

I came across your site after seeing it in the DM, I don’t feel easier, (yet) but am glad I am not alone.

I have never been a size 8, always a 12/14, after my daughter was born a size 14 was most comfortable. I grew up with a women who made food and weight a bit issue in the house, it never bothered me back then, but in this pregnancy all my insecurities are coming out.
It started when I went for my 12 week scan, and the midwife basically told me I was to fat too see the baby properly, at this point I should say I am 5ft 4 and weighed round 10ish stone, I have PCOS and my stomach has always been bloated and to top it off I have a anterior placenta.
It didn’t help though, I walked out the scan room in tears, I chucked out my scales and swore to cut back on food, and for 6 weeks I did, and my weight levelled. Having no will power, I started comfort eating, I still do, every day I look at my body in disgust trying not to cry, I love being pregnant, but can’t handle the changes that are happening. I have a friend who is 5 weeks behind me, she knows my issues, yet she is always going on about how the MW says she’s a perfect weight, and her scan was fantastic because she is so thin :( I tend to avoid her now.
I love being pregnant and having a bump, its the excess skin under it I hate, I have no fat any were else really, bar normal weight gain on chin/arms/ankles which I know I will lose slowly after birth, I just cannot stand my stomach. My husband is fed up with it, doesn’t understand, I don’t expect him too.

All the things that were thrown at me as I was growing up haunt me every time I eat, guilt hitting me but I can’t stop. My (ex) mother always made out fat people to be bad and disgusting and lazy (who I feel I am today :()

Its really getting to me, I have 13 weeks left, and I don’t know how I am going to get through without going mad with worry how I am going to deal with my body after, I am scared my weight means I am going to have a 9/10lb baby and that frightens me, I have no motivation to exercise and all my hubby wants to eat is junk, I try healthy eating but he then promptly has a second meal as he is still hungry I end up eating again and feel guilty about my stomach and the poor boy inside!

I read the papers every day, I see all over face book these slim women who have bounced back to shape and get so jealous, so finding your site, I hope to seek comfort here, bouncing back to nothing isn’t the norm, to have a belly and stretch marks is nothing to be ashamed of, I just wish I could believe it, and live by that, but currently I can’t :(

Society and it’s size 0 perfect body mentality sucks

Pic added I was 23 weeks 5 days I refuse to let the camera near me now, yes I well and truly edited it to hide the rankness!

Age: 30
I currently have one child who is 2yrs 6mths and 7months pregnant

Learning to Move On (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 4 Comments

Age 22
2 children – 4 year old and a 6 month old.

I came across this site by accident. It came at the right time as the night before I’d opened up to my partner for the first time about my hatred for the way I look. I’ll start from the beginning of my story.

My first son came as a surprise to me. I was almost 5 months pregnant when I found out I was expecting. At 17 I had not planned on having a baby! As soon as I found out I was over joyed and scared. My partner at the time was not a very nice man, we broke up several times and finally finished for good not long after I had my son. My fear of my body stems from him I believe, he would scream at me that I was discussing and nobody would want me. If anybody else had said that to me I don’t think it would have been so painful, but I had carried his baby in my body and I honestly did not care about my stretch marks or sagging skin, my son was beautiful. However as time went on his constant belittling of the way I looked started to take its toll. I found my self alone with no friends that understood what it was like to be 17 and have the body I did. I watched as they all went on with their lives with their young beautiful bodies while I sat around feeling sorry for my self. For a very long time I didn’t think I was worthy of anybody to love me.

When my son was 2 I met my current partner. He is the most wonderful man and I love him more than I can express. He loves my son as his own and I could not ask for anything more. When we had our second son I feared that his feeling would change towards my son but they didn’t he loves him just as he always did. My own insecurities resurfaced after giving birth again however. He showers me with compliments and I know that he really does love me as I am, stretch marks and sagging skin included!! I just don’t. I push him away constantly, I can’t understand how somebody can look at me and think I look nice! Recently we have talked properly about things and I have realised that it doesnt matter, he loves my body, why shouldn’t I?

It doesn’t help with all the pictures of the celebs with their fantastic figures after and hour of giving birth! This is why this site is so amazing, it has helped me realise that we really are beautiful. We should be proud that our bodies carried our whole worlds for 9 months and be grateful we where so lucky to be able to. I’ve come to realise that it doesn’t matter what I look like, I am lucky. It’s not fair to those who haven’t been unable to conceive or to my children to care how I look. They are a blessing. I am slowly dealing with my issues and I hope that everybody out there can do to!

Your all beautiful ladies – be happy!! X

Loving My Mommy Body (Raven)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Submissions 5 Comments

My name is Raven, I am 20 years old and I have one son that is now 18 months old. I had him via cesarean section.

I had a lot happen to me after I had my son. I had just assumed since having a baby was one of the happiest and greatest things that could happen to someone that nothing in life would be bad after having a child. It did not take me long to find out how wrong I was. I love my son more than I could ever put into words but the year after having my him I suffered with such horrible depression that I didn’t even want to live anymore. It’s embarrassing admitting that and openly talking about my depression because I always fear people will view me as a bad mother but now, after everything is said and done, I am so grateful that I had to go through that. I had the choice of going on anti-depressants or changing my lifestyle which meant becoming more active and eating healthier. I had always struggled with my weight and body image so I thought why not make a change for myself instead of having to take medication. After my son’s first birthday I started eating a lot better and working out regularly and now I really do love my body. Sure, there are things I am shy to show others but overall I love everything about it. I have a pooch at the bottom of my belly because I had a big baby. My boobs are not perky any more and they are much smaller, but being able to provide my son with all the nutrients he needed with them is a fair trade. I have stretch marks all over but let’s be honest, who doesn’t have stretch marks? I have a nice big five inch scar from where my beautiful baby boy was brought into this world and guess what, I even love that too! Knowing that everything that is “wrong” with my body was caused by creating my wonderful son really allows me to embrace everything about myself and I love it.

My pictures are of me now, 18 months PP and a nice big close up of my c-sec scar and stretch marks :)

Three Years Later (Christina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 2 Comments

Age-31years
Number of Pregnancies/Births-2
Children Aged 5 and 3..sooo postpartum 3years.

So, I came across this website sometime in the last three years. I have glanced at it over time and read some of the submissions. I have hated my body, been disgusted, even resented my children at times for causing my body such changes. Before I had children I was in incredible shape, I was going to start working towards figure/bodybuilding competition. I informed my husband that I couldn’t do both, compete and have kids, at least not at the same time. I explained to him what such extreme training can do to your period and your cycle. So we chose to start our family. I was roughly about 150lbs pre-pregnancy the first time. I gained 50lbs with him, I was just over 200lbs by the time I went into labor.
There were two years in between my children, and I can honestly say that I didn’t make enough effort to loose the extra weight. I didn’t think there was much point since I was going to be getting pregnant again. So I became pregnant with baby #2 and weighed somewhere around the high 150’s. Again I gained 50lbs. Not to sure how this happened since I was more aware of my food choices, chasing a toddler and working a full-time physically demanding job! At time of delivery I was around 210lbs.

Three years later I have hovered between 186 (my highest) and 168lbs. I have even stopped taking hormonal birth control and have chosen to use a fertility awareness method, tracking body temperature and such. I am currently having my thryoid checked on a regular basis, since it seems to be just low enough to register, but not enough to really deal with it yet, so my doctor tells me. It has taken me three years to work up the courage to post to this website. While I have still chosen to give another name (my own, but not my common one), it would seem I’m not completely comfortable, but maybe this website and my story and pictures will help me to accept my own tiger stripes. Maybe someone else can relate to me.

On a side note I have recently kicked my exercise habits into high gear with some intense tabata training, bootcamps, cardio and heavy weights, so we’ll see what the next few months brings. But I think this came with a new awareness, understanding and acceptance of my body as it was! My battle scars!

It’s OK to Feel Beautiful (Jennifer)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 17 Comments

age 23
4 pregnancies/ 3 births

I am a 23 year old mother of 3 children ages, 6,4 and 2. I gave birth to my oldest at the young age of 17…Even then I was overweight… Not nearly as big as I am now, but chunky none the less… I had given birth vaginally 3 times in 4.5 years… I barely had any time between pregnancies to get my body in shape… I used to hate myself and I was ashamed of how I looked. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and just crying looking at myself. I was embarrassed when I would go to the OB and have to pull up my shirt to show tons and tons of stretchmarks covering my belly and sides. Not to mention having to have anatomy scans done in the hospital rather than in office because the machines weren’t strong enough to get a clear shot through all of my extra belly fat. I can remember the embarrassment during labor and having to be naked in front of practically everyone in the room. I remember thinking ” I wish I were thinner, I KNOW I wouldn’t be so embarrassed” or thinking that everyone is in disgust with my body…

Right before I gave birth to my youngest, my husband cheated on me for the 4th time.. I had allowed this behavior over and over again because I didn’t feel deserving of love and true happiness because I didn’t love myself. And each time my husband got with another woman, it pushed me further and further away from myself and bringing more disgust and hate and blaming my looks for him straying…

It’s been 2 years since I have given birth and I am 80lbs down from the 378lbs that I was when I delivered. I separated from my husband and I have met the man of my dreams, the one who I always though I deserved. Someone who truly loves everything about me( even my weird toes :P)He showed me that I am allowed to love myself and that there is someone who finds everything I find imperfect about myself, perfect. He makes me feel like a princess and I love him so much…

I feel fabulous. I love who I am, I love every little stretch mark, I love my voluptuous shape, I don’t even mind my cellulite.. All these years I had been telling myself I am not allowed to love who I am and think I am beautiful because of my weight.. But now I know I was wrong. I was beautiful then and I’m beautiful now.. Size does not equate worth, or love, or beauty..

Saggy boobs, mommy pooch, wide hips even my stretchmarks.. They’re beautiful.

I’m Not Perfect, But That’s OK With Me (Kate)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

I am 25 years old. I have a beautiful 19 month old son. I LOVE this page and visit often. I have always had problems with my body, as I am sure most women do, but I have never hated my body. I have always been curvy and thicker than most girls. I am 5’9″ with a large bone structure and big hips. After having my son, I remember many of my friends, some also post partum, including me in their plans to shed the baby wieght. They’d say “We need to start exercising and dieting, I can’t stand looking like this”. I would think “We?”, how funny of them to automatically assume that I felt the same way? I thought it would be nice to lose wieght, but I didn’t torture myself over it, like some of my friends did. I think this had to do with me being a big girl, growing up, I didn’t feel like I had changed much since giving birth. Some days I feel great about myself, and I dress accordingly but other days I throw on a sweater and don’t leave the house. When I feel like that, I try to convince myself that the world isn’t ending because my stomach is a little pudgier than it used to be, or because I feel like a whale. It helps to also think about how lucky I am to have such a beautiful life, with great, encouraging people in it. That gets me by :)

Mother to 10! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Legs, Mom over 30, Pregnant, Submissions 4 Comments

Age:38
4 birth children, 5 adopted children, ages 17-11.
pregnancy number 5, 7.5 months!

As a teenager, I remember distinctly saying I would never ever have children. I still sometimes wake up and wonder what exactly happened? My mission for my adult life has been to be a child advocate and take in children who were in foster care like I was as a kid. I would not change a thing. However, being pregnant at 38 is much different from 19, I have found out. Not that it was super easy at a younger age, I just have enjoyed being a “younger” mom and sometimes being mistaken for my older daughter’s sister rather than mom. I wonder how my tenth child will feel when I am showing up to his high school games looking like a little granny, well I probably will be a granny and have some grandkids in tow more than likely. Not that I really care, I will yell till my dentures hurt probably.

I was very intrigued coming across your site, as I have been reading in my “free” time about the recent onslaught of media and celebrity pregnancies, browsing through sites and looking at airbrushed photos of the “stars” on covers of recent mags bearing all in their pregnancies. No one really can get away from looking like humpty dumpty I have decided, and I say that in a good way. I almost decorated my stomach as an Easter egg this past holiday but did not have enough energy. Every pregnancy I have been anemic, a little challenge with a brood at home.

With 4 teenage daughters my hope for them is to be able to love their bodies, through their lifetimes as they change from girls to women. A VERY difficult thing to do in today’s society of plastic. I applaud every woman who has taken the moment to share her story, her tribulations and excitement on her gift of life. I have my own worries as becoming a mother to 10 children and raising my new son, I would love to be free of blue veins, ( I have had a botched vein removal, and hemorrhoid surgery- owie!!!) and to have my breasts back to the size they were in high school. No one told me that breastfeeding would cause my breasts to get smaller, lol. And after 4 children treating me as a cow, it saddens me that I have been the smallest cup size in the house, going from a C cup to an AA cup. After this 5th bout of breastfeeding I think I will just have 2 nipples probably. That is a downside of what happens but I am okay with it, and excited to be able to experience the intimate time of breastfeeding again with my soon to be born child.

To be pregnant is one of the most amazing wonders of the world, to feel like your body is overcome by some alien being who you love and dream about before you meet their tiny eyes. To sacrifice your vanity to bring a blessing into the world. Nothing comes close in my opinion. All that said I will be a little insecure when summer comes and finding a swimsuit. I love the sun, summer and water. I remind myself no matter what I am thoroughly blessed to have my children, a wonderful committed partner who will be an amazing father to this little one, and jeans in the back of the closet will fit again someday. I will just have to have patience on when that someday actually turns out to be.

Keep your heads up and your hearts open… beautiful women we all are, all shapes and sizes, changed bodies and all!

“A mother’s joy begins when new life is stirring inside… when a tiny heartbeat is heard for the very first time, and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone“ By Author Unknown