Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Please help me with my belly! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 33 Comments

Please tell me that my stomach will go down??!!! I am 10 weeks postpartum. This was my first pregnancy, and 2 weeks after giving birth I weighed 6 pounds less then before I got pregnant. I have since lost another 5 pounds. I ended up having a c-section after 18 + hours of labor. Perhaps I am being rediculous, but I am so upset that my stomach is still so puffed out!! This is exactly what I looked like at 29 weeks pregnant. I know my stomach will never be the same, but I don’t want to look pregnant for the rest of my life!!!

Love Being a Mom, Dislike the Body (Brittney)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 3 Comments

Age:20
1 son, age 15 months.

My name is Brittney, I am 20 years old and have a son who is 15 months old. I found out I was pregnant about a month after I graduated high school and about a week after that, my boyfriend and I moved about four hours away from my hometown to be closed to his family. It was a very difficult move for me. However, I loved being pregnant. I loved the feeling of having something growing inside of me and I loved being able to wear those skin tight shirts to show off my round belly. During my pregnancy, I gained about 30 pounds, which my doctors told me was healthy. (I was 145lbs prepregnancy). I had my son in April of 2011 and it was the greatest day of my life. He is my everything. I have since been a stay at home mom, so my son and I are very close. (Sometimes my husband gets jealous, because he works a lot) I lost my baby weight completely at about two months postpartum, but slowly gained it back through the winter months. About a week ago, I weighed about 160, which is 15 pounds heavier than prepregnancy and I wasnt happy. I would love to comfortably fit into a bikini, but Ive never had the ambition. Ive just started exercising and have started losing a few pounds. I hope to get down to about 135 and be able to tighten up the “muffin top.” Hopefully I can lose some by the end of summer.

The first three pics I have posted are my current body. (Weight 155)
The last pic is my son, age 15 months.

Trying to be Patient: With My Body and My Husband (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 45 Comments

~Age: 27
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 2 home births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 weeks PP

I am 4 weeks to the day PP with my second pregnancy. And like with my first pregnancy I don’t have much to show for it. During the course of my first pregnancy, I gained 18 pounds (although, when asked I lie and tell people I gained 20). And why for God’s sake is anyone asking what a woman gained during her pregnancy anyway? She gained a baby! Anyways..

I was cognizant of my weight gain, or lack there of. Comments from my friends or strangers pointing out how skinny I was only made me feel worse. I even had a few people tell me that I was going to have a tiny 5 lb baby. I bit my tongue and thought I (we) will prove them wrong. I was determined to gain weight. I wanted to have a home birth and so I knew how important it was to maintain a healthy and low risk pregnancy. I kept a record of what I ate, I ate every few hours, whether I had an appetite or not and I made a goal to eat at least 80 grams of protein a day. In the end, my son was 5 days over and I gave birth (at home) to a beautiful and healthy 8.0 lb 22 inch baby boy.

My second pregnancy was along those similar lines. I gained 25 lbs. I wore my regular clothes until I was 7 months pregnant. No retaining water, no stretch marks, no vaginal tear during delivery, blah blah blah. You are hating my right now. But please let me take this time and space to get this off my chest, because I can’t talk about this with my sister-who gained nearly 90 lbs with my nephew and has stretch marks covering her hips. And I can’t explain my feelings of dismay about my body with my best friend-who just had her first baby and gained 70 lbs and looks like Freddy Kruger tried to claw his way through her stomach.

This is my husband’s first child. At 5 months pregnant, he started to lose interest in sex and by 8 months it was completely gone. For me it was the exact opposite. If I had been a sexual creature before being pregnant, I had become a sexual MONSTER during pregnancy. So when he finally told me he wasn’t comfortable having sex until after the baby was born, I was… sad, mad, disappointed, confused.. etc. He blamed it on my huge belly (which really wasn’t that huge). Finally he admitted that he just wasn’t attracted to me. Ouch.. I tried being empathetic while at the same time I was completely enraged. ‘ I have needs God Damnit! I don’t care if you are not attracted to me!’ But instead I told myself to be patient. And even though I was told by strangers constantly that I was such a cute pregnant woman or that I looked great being 9 months pregnant or getting whistled at (twice) while getting into my car, the only person I wanted to find my attractive didn’t, so none if it really mattered.

I stopped being comfortable being naked around him and would wear my towel from the bathroom to the bedroom. I got dressed standing behind the closet door. I started sleeping in his t-shirt and boxers instead of just my underpants. I had the sense that he was completely repulsed by me. I tried explaining to him how this was affecting me and that I needed to feel desired by him. But my pleas didn’t hold any water. I was worried about how this tension between us would affect our planned home birth. If I am this uncomfortable around him now, would I feel comfortable laboring with him? Would it cause me to have complications during my labor?

And then the day came and we labored together just fine and it was the happiest (along with the day my son was born) day of my life. And for the next few weeks I contentedly set about fulfilling the task of 24/7 care of my daughter. Then last week I stopped bleeding. Hurray! I cautiously talked to my husband about the cessation and opened the discussing with him about when he would feel comfortable having sex again. He didn’t seem so thrilled. But the next day we tried. It was OK. Probably pretty average for the first time you try to have sex after baby. But that was a week ago and even though it’s been two months since we have had sex (except for our first “try” last week) he is showing no interest at all. And my self esteem is plummeting. He blames it on, ‘I am a mother now’ and he sees me in this “motherly light” and our daughter is always nursing and she is in bed with us and blah blah blah.

Just because I am a mother doesn’t mean I handed over my right to being sexy and that I no longer want to be desired by my husband.
So SOAM, here I am 4 weeks PP with my body in great shape for just having had a baby and…. I HATE it! I want my husband to desire me and he doesn’t. Fat or skinny, it does not matter what you look like if the man you are madly in love with has no interest in being intimate with you.

Young Mother of Two, Nearly Six Years Postpartum (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Legs, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 4 Comments

Age: 28
Pregnancies: 2
Births: 2, both vaginal.
I have 1 girl age 9 and 1 boy age 5.
Nearly 6 years postpartum.
Height & weight: 5’1 3/4 (those 3/4 totally count) & 124lbs.

Like many of you here, I’ve never liked my body. I was a teen mother, pregnant at 18. Before I had kids I struggled my my self loathing, but for different reasons than most. I was too thin, before my wonderful girl I was 87lbs. I did everything I could to gain weight, I ate donuts every day put butter, mayo & cheese on everything I could, tried to be as inactive as I could bear. I was still boney and angular, I felt I looked like an 8 year old, not the woman I was. Who could ever want me, when my body was covered in points? I wore baggy clothes to hide myself and carefully avoided touching people so I wouldn’t stab them with my angular hips and boney elbows. I panicked when people tried to tickle me, because if they touched me they would know how disgusting I was.. Just a walking skeleton. No one could ever love bones, my hugs would comfort no one. When I wore a bathing suit I wore T-Shirts over them so no one would see how my breastbone protruded from my chest and spent the whole time in the water or pulling the shirt away from my body in hopes no one would notice my child form. Well-meaning people handed me pamphlets telling me that there were people who would help me with my anorexia that I didn’t have. I tried wearing multiple layers of stretch pants under my jeans to make myself look thicker, but the biggest pair I owned were size 3. People still handed me pamphlets, brought me plates of food and watched me to make sure I didn’t go anywhere after eating. I understood how they felt, I looked sick and how could that just be the shape I was without starvation. Boys called me “Breastless” as a nickname and teased that I would be a virgin all my life because I wouldn’t ever look like a woman. Teenagers suck.

Eventually I found someone who didn’t see me that way and to make a long story short, we got pregnant. I got stretch marks all over my lower back and breasts, big ones. My face swelled up like a balloon. Towards the end of my pregnancy I got some matching ones on my hips, belly & thighs. My skin never stretched well, got stretchmarks on my tiny hips at 12 and all over the back of my calves one summer. So although I coated myself in greasy cocoa butter 3 times a day, it wasn’t surprising that I got stretchmarks while my girl was growing. All in all I gained 47lbs, my obgyn was thrilled, due to my low prior weight they wanted me to gain a lot. She was born (6lbs 9oz) and I made the mistake of looking into a full length mirror when she was a week old and burst into tears. As time went by, my stripes faded and I got less swollen looking, my weight dropped to 105. I couldn’t understand why my tummy never went away, although I was pretty happy at being able to finally put on some weight and look more normal. I even got boobs out of the deal, although breastfeeding made my areolas stretch much bigger than they used to be. I was pretty ok with the way things turned out, but tried to make sure E never got a good look at my new stomach.

Nearly three years later we got pregnant again, this time a boy. A few of my stretchmarks deepened, my face got swollen again, but all in all not too bad. Except for two days where my legs swelled up like sausages and I got stretchmarks all down the length of my legs. They were so dark and friend kept asking me what happened to my legs, did I fall? It was summer and I wore shorts and skirts in an attempt to keep cool. There was no hiding them. I carried him lower and bigger than my first, everyone swore I must be having twins. The heaviest I got was only 4lbs more than I had gotten with my daughter. Although my the first thing my mother-in-law said when she saw him was that he had my double chin. Two months after I turned 22 he was born and weighted a healthy 7lbs 6oz. The weight took a lot longer to lose and my goal was never to be thin, just less belly. Two years later I was down to 117 and had gotten pretty good at concealing my still loose tummy. However, my stomach is still the thickest part of me and it never really gets better. I lose weight it gets saggy, I gain any it starts there first and people ask if I’m pregnant.

Now it’s been almost 6 years since I had my boy and I’m the heaviest I’ve even been without being pregnant. Admittedly I have been eating more junk food lately. It seems that now that I’m approaching 30, my body is finally gaining weight, much easier than I though was possible. I don’t really care about the number on the scale, my doctor says my BMI is right where it should be.. But I feel fat now. I know I’m not but clothes just don’t fit right and seem to always make my stomach look big. I think because I used to be so thin, it’s warped how I see myself. After all I’m 6-7 sizes bigger than I was before, so feeling bigger than I was is inevitable. I could work out more, but I’m afraid I’ll get too skinny again. I never want to be that girl again, but I wouldn’t mind loosing the stretch marks and maybe being a little more tone. I’ve got hips now, but also a muffin top. My husband (the same guy who was the only one to call me beautiful) insists I look great, but I can’t believe him even though I know it could have been worse. I’ve thought about having more kids, but we can’t afford it, two is enough for now. There’s also a part of me which is terrified as to what another baby would do to my body.

This is what I look like today and even though there’s a few things I’d change, if I couldn’t I’d be at peace with it. There’s more to my story, but I tried to keep it more about the physical changes that came with my children.

Will you choose to love yourself? (Jan)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions 13 Comments

Age: 26
1 pregnancy, 1 child- a daughter, 19 months.

I have posted here before, when my own baby girl (now 19 months) was just eight months old. I was overwhelmed by the encouraging and uplifting comments on my story. Healed by the words of other mothers I didn’t even know. Almost every day I visit this site to read stories left by other women, some of them are so positive and I cannot help but smile and think, “Good for you, Mama.” Others are so heartbreaking, I never realized how many women out there are suffering due to poor personal image, broken relationships, loss of a child, etc. And some women just can’t find the beauty in themselves anymore.

We all have our own story, full of triumphs and letdowns, joy and pain. I want to ask if YOU will make a change today, if you are in a bad situation or feeling down about your appearance… because you cannot give, or get, anything valuable out of life if you do not love yourself! Will you choose to love yourself? For you are a mother. You cried tears of joy or surprise when you found out you were pregnant. You longed to feel like your old self when you were suffering through nausea. You watched the numbers creep up on the scale. You felt the flutters, the kicks, the hiccups, and it made you smile every time. You went through the labor, you gave birth. Your breasts made milk that nourished your baby, or if you did not breastfeed, they still provided a cozy spot for your new baby to cuddle. You somehow managed to make it through as you healed from the delivery and you braved through the intense emotional swings. As your baby got older, you realized more and more that your own dreams would be fulfilled just as long as your child’s were.

A female’s body becomes that of a woman when she becomes a mother. Her body has done what it was designed exactly for. It is so beautiful. I remember as a child, feeling sick or scared, and there was no place I would rather be than cuddled up to my mom’s soft and cuddly chest.

Of course, it is important to be healthy and to care for and love our bodies. To pay our bodies the respect they deserve for all they have achieved. But that doesn’t have to mean being without stretch marks and some extra skin! When is the last time you thanked your body for what it accomplished? Could you possibly stop demeaning yourself because you think your body is ruined? For it is not ruined by bearing children!

To ruin our bodies is to ABUSE drugs, alcohol, and food. Bearing a child is not what ruins our bodies at all.

Strive to be YOUR best, not to look like your “lucky” friend who lost all her baby weight right off the bat. Be realistic, add good whole foods to your diet, thank your body, respect your body, and listen to your partner when he/she tells you that you’re beautiful. Have gratitude. Give to others. Mend relationships. Change the negative things in your life, and if it can’t be changed, eliminate it. Doing all of these things will heal you, inside and out. Words are so incredibly powerful. Say positive affirmations out loud. Eventually the lying voice in your head that tells you that you are worthless and gross WILL go away with time. This is a journey that will take a long time… but it will bring you to a wonderful place where you CAN be a strong woman and mother. A loving, capable mother.

These are things we want to pass on to our sons and daughters, no? Thank you for reading.

First picture: Not even an hour old
Second picture: My daughter at 18 months, walking with her Great Grandmother

1 Year PP & Positive Body Image (Emily)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

Previous post here.

25yrs old
2 births
33 months and 12 months; 12 months pp

I am 12 months postpartum this month. I posted about 4 months ago here. I have always had body image issues and had an eating disorder as a teen. When I meet my husband at age 21 I had a healthy body weight for the first time and felt mostly good about myself. After my first pregnancy I gained weight and the self hate began. After my second pregnancy I decided the self hating had to end. I am worth loving just the way I am. I am beautiful. I am powerful. Its been a year now into my journey and I’ve made amazing progress. This site helped me a lot. After posting my 7 month pp photo, the picture was used on the yahoo article written about the site*. At first I was crushed by the negative commenters on yahoo and asked the picture be taken off the article. But the more I thought about all those crazy, mean comments on the article (yes, I read all 300!) the more I realized how wrong they were. How silly they were. How LAUGHABLE they were. And also, how cute my picture was. In other words, its was major therapy for me, and it was a blessing in disguise! I’m honestly loving my body. I think more positive thoughts daily than negative ones, and I’m quick to realize the silliness of my negative thoughts. I’m very proud of myself and I’m going to continue working on my positive body image.

*NOTE FROM BONNIE, site admin: When working with the media, I am careful to ONLY offer them photos that I have been specifically granted permission by the women who share them. In this case, the photo was taken without my consent and as soon as Emily contacted me I asked them to remove it and they did so fairly quickly. Emily, again, I am so sorry, but I am glad some good growth came out of a bad situation. Good for you!

Some pictures of my body at 12months pp & my sweet 1yr old boy.

Stretch Marks for Life! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 16 Comments

I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant. It was definitely the scariest but also the happiest moment of my life.

I had an easy pregnancy for the most part. Aside from a little sciatica and heart burn, I was loving life. I couldn’t wait to be a mom, and I found myself maturing very quickly over those first few months.

Then I developed PUPPS rash around 36 weeks. It was awful. I couldn’t sleep at night; a rash covered my entire body. My doctors told me I could be induced early to relieve the rash. No way! I wanted my boy to stay put as long as he felt necessary, so that’s what I did

A week after my due date, my son was born. The little boy the doctors said would be “average”, seven and a half pounds at the very most, came into the world at a whopping nine pounds, seven ounces, and 23 3/4 inches long.

He decided to come mere minutes before they were going to be forced to perform a C-Section. I pushed for 3 1/2 hours, and when he finally arrived, he had the biggest cone-head I had ever seen! Needless to say, I fell immediately in love.

Within a few months, I’d lost the baby weight and was back to my usual size: 5’1″ and 105 pounds. It’s hard to see my belly button these days because the extra skin never went away. My breasts are saggy and they have multiple stretch marks as well. Thank God for pushup bras! :P I may not be up to wearing a bikini or a two-piece bathing suit anytime soon, but that’s okay, because when I look at these stretch marks and flabby skin, they remind me of a time of strength and love.

He’s now five years old and in the 99th percentile for weight and height and extremely smart. I love answering questions when people ask how on earth I ended up with such a big child. Some people get tattoos to signify a special time in their life; I have these stretch marks, and they are nothing to be ashamed of!

These stretch marks represent this strong, healthy boy, the most important boy I’ll ever have in my life.

Ashamed and Insecure (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 7 Comments

25 years old one child, three months postpartum

In my early teens I suffered from purging anorexia. I’ve never been content with my body and looks since one summer my dad pointed out my growing belly when I was 12. I got the help I needed, but never got rid of that little voice that told me I could be more loved if I just lost a few pounds.

Looking back, I wish I had embraced the body I had before pregnancy.

My poor husband has had to deal with these crazy thoughts of mine and has paid the price. I never let him see me naked then or now. I feel terrible that I have held back from him.

Pregnancy weight gain and loss have brought back all the bad thoughts from my teen years. I’m trying so hard to not put emphasis on my looks, but it varies from day to day. I know that I never want my daughter to feel bad about herself or hear me put myself down. Each day it takes a real effort not to breakdown when I catch a glimpse of my body in the mirror.

My Favorite Hip Huggers, RIP (Clara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

I am 23 years old, and I had my son, Andy, a month before my 19th birthday. Before I had Andy, I was a consistent size 8-10, but had finallyyyy gotten down to a size 6 after some hard work and pure accident. I was extremely happy with how I looked, my stomach looked great! I was toned, healthy, and just very satisfied (which I have never been with my body). I refused to wear pants that went anywhere other than my hips, and I showed it off as much as I could. I was proud of what I had accomplished and was finally satisfied with myself.
Then I found out I was pregnant.

Obviously, it wasn’t planned. I was only 18 at the time! Everything changed. I suffered from hyperemesis for the first 4 months. I was in and out of the hospital for severe dehydration, I couldn’t even keep water down and my kidney’s weren’t keeping up (my body has never handled estrogen well). By the time it finally went away, I had actually lost about 10 pounds and I looked horrible. I was extremely thin and almost skeletal.

That all changed quick!

I ate ALOT trying to gain back the weight I had lost being so sick. I craved snickers and McDonald’s french fries all the time (thankfully not together). I was 110lbs. going into my 4th and 5th month. I was 175lbs. when I delivered my son. I had gained OVER 60lbs. in 3-4 months. I tried to be consistent with lotions and cocoa butter and anything that was said to help prevent stretch marks. But, I got too big too fast and there was nothing I could do, especially considering how small I was from being sick. My skin didn’t just stretch; my doctor says it actually ripped a few layers underneath. Despite my rapid realization that I would never be the same, Andy was 8 lbs. 9 oz. and 21 1/2 in. long. and I was instantly in love!

I lost 20 lbs. right out of the hospital, but was stuck at 150 for 3 years. I had lost all of the progress I had made pre-Andy, and I had just moved to a new place to be with his father and had no one around to help. I was 19, and trying to play wife and mother and everything in between. I had no time for me, I was stressed and I was in over my head. I was depressed, and my weight did not help. I tried to go to the gym, but my then husband wasn’t exactly reliable to watch our son and would straight out refuse if he was too tired or too engrossed in his video games. Even though half of the reason I thought I looked so horrible was because of his comments such as “you really need to go to the gym” “You really need to lose the baby weight soon” “(Insert name)’s wife has already lost all of her weight, why haven’t you done something yet?” Obviously, my favorite hip-huggers were not an option.

Needless to say that marriage failed horribly.

Not long after, my son was diagnosed with Autism. So, now I was a 20 year old single mother of an autistic child. I think we all know I was even deeper over my head than before. Thankfully, I adjusted easily. Therapy, evaluations, conferences, seminars, etc. I dove head first trying to make sure I could help him along as best as I could and give him the best opportunity to do well. Through the stress and the constant dead run I seemed to be on, I did lose weight. Slowly, but it did happen. By the time of his third birthday, I was the same weight I was pre-Andy.

Funny thing is, I almost wish I had of kept it.

I am now a size 6 again. Sometimes a 4, depending on the style and cut of clothes. The problem is I still can’t wear the majority of my old favorites anymore. I may have lost the weight, but because I got so big, my skin did not retain it’s elasticity. Plus, because of the ripping in the sub dermal layers, there is a small build up of scar tissue that I can’t get rid of. So, I have excess skin and scar tissue that just hangs over anything that doesn’t come up almost to my belly button (if not over). I had never had this issue before, and it is the most frustrating thing in the world.

My boyfriend (who is both amazing with my son and is the best thing that has ever happened to me) tells me all the time that I am beautiful and perfect the way I am. That no one really looks like they did when they were teenagers and that I should be happy with the way I look. “You had a baby!” he says “of course you’re going to have stretch marks and a little extra! You still look great and I’m still more attracted to you every day.” I want to believe all of that, and he has been trying to pound it into my head for a year. But all I can see if me trying on a pair of jeans, and having them fit great everywhere (legs, butt, hips, etc.) and then noticing the extra hanging over the front, not because they don’t fit but because that skin refuses to spring back. It’s frustrating, it’s depressing, embarrassing…

But I will probably never get rid of it. And that’s life.

I am four and a half years post-pregnancy, and I am still slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am stuck with this body now, and I will never look like I did at 18. I will always have my battle scars (no one is actually sure if the skin will repair itself that deep), and I refuse to get surgery to remove the extra (you aren’t supposed to have more children afterwards, and I don’t want to limit that decision when I’m still so young). I don’t know if anyone really ever fully comes to terms with what they look like after having a baby, but I get more confident every day. My boyfriend is constantly telling me I am gorgeous, and little by little I start to believe it. I finally broke down and bought a bikini last year, and I rocked it like I was 16 again. I am happier to have my son and watch him grow everyday and know that I made him than I ever was in my favorite hip huggers.

And isn’t that what life is supposed to be about?