I’m going to be on Huffington Post Live today – and so can you!

I’m going to be part of a discussion panel today discussing post-baby bodies on Huffington Post Live. You can watch the panel streaming or you’ll be able to see it archived. I hope you watch!

I’ll post updates and more info later at one or more of SOAM’s online social networking place thingies. You can find a list of those here.

**UPDATE**

Here’s the link. I’ll be on in about half an hour (that’s 4:30 Pacific time).

Does it Make Me a Failure? (Jamie)

Age:19
Pregnancies and births: 1
10 weeks postpartum

I became pregnant when I was 18. I was told by doctors when I was younger that it would be difficult for me to conceive, and of I were to conceive, it would be a high risk pregnancy. I was so happy to find out i was pregnant, so was my fiancee and my family. I felt so feminine, so beautiful, i felt like a real woman. My fiancee and i both enjoyed watching my body change. I did everything right. I quit smoking 100%, i didn’t have a single drop of alcohol, i think the worse thing i did was have a second bowl of ice cream at 2 in the morning :). But man did i get huge. I gained 65lbs! Mainly all belly though. I went into labor at 38 weeks and 1 day. I went to the hospital with suspicion that i was leaking amniotic fluid however i wasn’t having contractions. Turned out i was right. So the doctors decided to induce me. They started the pitocin, i wasn’t too happy about that to begin with, but i went along with it. They had me on the lowest setting and my uterus was becoming overstimulated, i had no rest time between contractions. So they would stop and start the pitocin and for 19 hrs i was stuck at 3cm dilated, 50% effaced, and -3 station. This baby just dis mot want to come! The doctor told me it was time for a c-section. I broke down in tears! I wanted so badly to give birth vaginally. I was so scared. I could hardly stay awake in the operating room. I was so drugged up, i was afraid i would miss my daughter’s first cries. Lucky my fiancee was able to keep awake and i didn’t miss it. It was like music to my ears. When i was finally able to hold her, I wanted to immediately start breast feeding so I could start the bonding process since I missed out on the vaginally birthing experience. But there was a problem, she wouldn’t latch. We tried everything, and she just wouldn’t nurse off of me. I felt like I failed. Like I was less of a woman because my body couldn’t do the two main things a woman’s body should be able to do, give birth and feed her own child. I slipped into a very deep depression. I couldn’t bond, I couldn’t connect to this beautiful baby I kept safe inside me for 9 months. The bond I had with her in the womb I felt was slowly disappearing. There were no more kicks, no more hiccups, no more awkward bulges on one side of my belly. Instead I had a painful scar, a body that I once thought was beautiful, now I thought was ugly, and a child that I couldn’t feel was really my child. Then once I realized how terrible I was feeling, I would feel even more guilt for thinking that way! I’m so thankful that I have my fiancée. He noticed I was depressed and he encouraged me to talk to him. Once I opened up and stopped holding it all in, I suddenly felt better and immediately was able to bond with our daughter. He reassures me that my body is still beautiful. I now take things day by day one step at a time. I feel like I have a strong bond with my daughter. Her smile makes my heart melt and instantly makes me forget about how she was born and I forget about my body. She changed my life and I would do anything for her. That’s why I got help for my depression. A happy mother is a happy baby, and a happy baby is a happy family. Hayleigh Lynn Schulz born feb 8, 2013 8lbs 4oz 19 1/2 inches long.

Birth Story: a Review

Almost twelve years ago (WHAT.) I got pregnant with my first child. At the time I was familiar with the idea of home birth since a number of my childhood friends had been born at home (I didn’t live on a commune, I swear!), but I didn’t begin planning immediately for a home birth. It was a complex mix of insurance frustrations and doctors with poor bedside manners (to put it lightly) that led me to seek out a midwife around the middle of my pregnancy (one more parenthetical phrase. just for fun). Once you’re a part of the attachment parenting/home birth/La Leche League community, you tend to hear about certain things. Ina May Gaskin and the midwives of The Farm, for one. I was recently sent a copy of the new documentary Birth Story about Ina May and how she learned to become a midwife and how she inspired a movement.

Before I go on, I want to make it clear that I know that not every mama is a candidate for an out-of-hospital birth, and that other mamas choose to birth in a hospital setting, and I’m so glad we have doctors to take care of those mamas. But there are more and more women who are making the choice to have a home birth, and there are quite a few women who don’t know they have the choice to make. This documentary is a beautiful story of what midwife-attended birth is, how it became a movement in America, and the power of an intentional community.

There is one awkward moment towards the beginning where Ina May is talking about her own history with birth and says something that felt less-than-inclusive to me. I mention this only because I don’t want to alienate mamas who might feel uncomfortable with the remark. I don’t know what the context was off-screen, and since she otherwise comes across inclusive, understanding, and loving, I assume that comment doesn’t speak for her as a person. In other words – don’t turn off the movie just yet!

The midwives in this documentary are midwives I’d choose for my births. (In fact, they remind me of the midwife I did choose for my births.) They balance current science with trust in a woman’s body. Ina May says, at one point in the film, “Your body is not a lemon.” Indeed. They protect their mamas from stress, and encourage them to find their inner strength. They laugh with you and look you right in the eyes when you need focus.

This film relies heavily on archival footage from The Farm’s history. Now, I may have an unnatural affinity towards 70’s fashion, and that may have played a role in how much I liked those old film clips, but they were also an integral part of the film. Through those clips, we get to experience a breech birth, see the Gaskin maneuver help a case of shoulder dystocia, and relive the beginnings of the community itself. Did you catch that? A breech birth. It was amazing, and I’m still high from seeing it 24 hours ago.

There is a scene where they are sitting around talking about how their hair has gone grey, and what that means for a midwife. It means respect. Instinctively, we know that older women hold the wisdom. In most of our culture we’ve lost that understanding – we do everything we can to stay looking as young as possible. But the midwives of the Farm have discovered that they are trusted more once their hair turns grey. I find that fascinating. In the most ancient of female roles, we rediscover our ancient understanding that becoming old is beautiful. Your body is not a lemon.

If you are interested in what midwives do, or the history of midwifery in modern America (and, in fact, the rest of the world, actually), I highly recommend this movie. But you don’t have to take my word for it! (Obligatory Reading Rainbow reference!) You can buy it on DVD or download it, or you can check the list of upcoming screenings to see if it’s showing in your area.

This is Me… And That is Okay (Stacie)

I am a 28 year old mother of three children, all born vaginally. I have never been skinny or in shape. I will never be a size 4. And you know what? That is okay, this is ME. It has taken me a long time to be okay with my body. Sure, I use self tanning lotions when I know that I will be wearing a dress. I even bought some hand weights to tone my arms a bit for the Summer. But I won’t look like my thinnest of friends and that is okay: this is ME. I know that not everyone has that outlook, and some days neither do I. But when I truly stop to think about why my body is this way, why I have that stomach flap that seems like it just won’t budge, I smile. Tiger stripes. Cliche, maybe, but they’re mine and that is okay: This is ME. My husband loves me the way I am, so do my children. It is time that I do the same. And I hope that one day you are able to have the same outlook that I do. Because that is you, and that is okay.

~Age: 28
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 7, 3, 1

Depressed Over Saggy Breasts (Anonymous)

Age-22
Kids-2 one is 4 one is a year

After my first son they went back to a more perkier state after a year and a half, I was 21. Now with my second baby, I’m still breastfeeding and hoping that’s what’s weighing down and sagging my breasts. I feel so ugly and unattractive and am actually crying over them. I hate having sex with my husband, don’t want him touching them bc the feel so formless, shapeless and wrinkly and disgusting. I feel gross. My skin has thinned, my veins popping out and my skin wrinkly and saggy. I just want to know if I have hope, will they go back again? Will they ever firm, I’m only 22, lift weights, take my vitamins and take care of my skin. I just want to be sexy for myself again…..I have thought about getting a part time to pay for implants….or should I give it time bc I’m still breastfeeding. When I bend over the just hang like skinflaps and I feel so un femminine. I can’t believe I’m actually crying as I write this. My husband thinks I have mental issues and am fine, but if I don’t feel that way, I am not. I know I’m not mentally ill….I just want firmer skin on my breasts. I can’t even talk to him about this and I feel like the only mom with this problem…..I want to fix it so bad, will it ever get better, can someone give me hope? Will he thinning skin firm again? Will my breasts lift back a tad bit again after the glands loose the heavyness? My breasts have no density and I feel so envious of those moms who have firm full breasts………..ughhh I feel doomed and depressed.

First Pregnancy and Postpartum Body Changes (Jamie)

I was one of those women who “knew” the moment they were pregnant.. I was more than ecstatic. It sounds crazy, but I think I felt the moment the baby implanted. I used a pregnancy test that day, waited the 5 or so minutes, saw one line and threw it in a drawer. When I found it a day or two later, there was a second line. I thought it must have been an evap line but decided to test to be sure. Sure enough, positive.. a day before I was even supposed to start my cycle. But, pregnancy felt like torture to me, I never became acclimated to it, and my “cute” bump phase ended quickly. I waited and waited for that “glow” and never got it. I was thrilled to be expecting, but not very educated about all the changes my body would experience. I have always had self esteem and body issues, so growing in size ate away at my confidence. I had a lengthy period of time where you could not tell I was pregnant and not just pudgy/fat. I only ever gained the recommended 35 pounds, but on my short frame, that meant everything was thicker. My face, arms, butt, breasts and, of course, belly. I managed to avoid stretch marks on my belly with generous use of baby oil and by not scratching. I didn’t even think to do this on my butt and breasts, which now have stretch marks, but none too terrible. I delivered a healthy, beautiful, incredibly smart (mother’s pride shining through) baby girl at 37 weeks 5 days after a complication free pregnancy. Went in seeking a natural birth, got talked in to pitocin (to “speed up” my labor) which lead to an epi. Birth aside, I’ve made it back to pre-pregnancy weight about 3 or 4 months post partum. I am now 5 months pp and have maintained the weight. All weight lost simply by breastfeeding and only eating when I’m hungry. My confidence post partum is exponentially greater. After seeing my body go through all those changes during pregnancy, I have a much bigger respect for it. I believe I went through the opposite of post-partum depression – post partum elation. Despite being at pre-preg weight, there are noticeable/permanent changes: my hips are larger, my tummy is no longer flat, my breasts are great when full and saggy when empty – a whole cup size larger (from small b to small c, sometimes full c). Breasts are veiny now, not sure if that will go away after I stop breastfeeding. My areolas are MUCH larger and more brown than before, also uneven. I will be content to tone up my tummy and work some of this extra hip off. Even though I may not look as I did before, I’m quite happy with my body. Recently someone told me who had not seen me since a year prior to my pregnancy: “You don’t look like a little girl anymore! You look like a woman!” And that’s how I feel, like a Real Woman.

Your Age:23, 22 at time of pregnancy
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy (so 1 birth)
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 months post partum/5 month old

Life After Loss (Rea)

~Age: 18
~Number of pregnancies: 2
~number of births:1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: my son is 27 months

My name is Rea. I was 15 when I got pregnant with my son. I was sitting at about a size 3-5 and 120 pounds. I wasn’t looking out for my weight when I was pregnant and I regret it so much now. I was about 180+ pounds at 38 weeks when Bentley was born on january 27, 2011. He was 8 pounds. I was so heartbroken to have a c-section. I lost all my weight and then some without doing anything. I felt blessed and lucky but at the same time still hated my stomach, that was covered in stretch marks and had a ‘mom pouch’. I did it all after my boyfriend of 2 years left us shortly after my 17th birthday in 2012. It was hard, and I didn’t have a lot of friends to talk too. But I picked myself up and moved on. My ex got vistation taken away in June 2012 for doing drugs. I knew I was a good mom and did everything for my son. All alone.

I was pretty lonely tho, and in July 2012 I got a new boyfriend. He was a little younger than me. He taught me to not be so serious, and helped me find the right balance between being a mom, and being a teenager. We had a good few months..then I became pregnant again. It was not planned and I didn’t notice how much I was eating until I found out I was pregnant at 8 weeks. I had an iud and was very scared. I was 100 pounds when I got pregnant the second time. I miscarried that baby at 12 weeks, and I sunk into a deep depression for about 5 months. Me and my boyfriend broke up after finding out about the baby.

Me and my first son’s dad got back together 2 months ago. I think we both just needed some time and space away from each other to grow up. He went to treatment and was so hurt to see me with someone else. He was the one who was there for me after I lost my baby. I never shed the 10 pounds of baby weight or the 20 pounds of depression weight. I now weigh 136 and I hate my body more and more. I feel ungrateful because I’m a size 5 still but I cry every time something doesn’t fit. I’m trying really hard to lose weight and fit into my old clothes again.

Hating My Body Update (Anonymous)

Previous post here.

So its been almost 2 years and I STILL hate my body. Especially my breasts. I know your body is supposed to change after kids, I get that your tummy gets loose and you breasts droop a little. What I did NOT expect was my breasts to have crater size stretch marks, especially since my body didn’t change one bit after my first child. As a woman its incredibly depressing to have your most womanly feature destroyed. I know it bothers my husband, hes always been a boob guy and mine were perfect even after our first child so I’m sure he didnt expect them to look like they do now. They are so saggy and one nipple points down, the other straight ahead. Does anyone else have a boob issue since having kids? I cant be the only one…

What I want is honesty. No really. I want everyone to tell me if I should consider surgery to try and fix these things or maybe they don’t look as bad as I think they do (fat chance of that, no pun intended).

Update – Mother of 3 (Anonymous)

Previous post here.

Thank u all for your beautiful words of support been working my huge ass off and lost sum weight but the more i lose the small my boobs get and im concerned that with 3 kids coming out of me my vagina doesnt look as it should i cant help but think about it in the bedroom :( let me know what u think love u all

A more intimate picture can be found here.

Unapologetic (Darah)

I love me with the sags.
I love me with the stretch marks.
I love me with dark circles.
I love me with frizzy hair.
I love me with pale skin.
I love me with stretch marks.
I love me with love handles.
I love me with back rolls.
I love me when I’m menstruating.
I love me when I’m lactating.
I love me with body hair.
I love me when my hands are dirty.
I love me with belly fat.
I love that my body can give life.
I love that I can sustain life.
I love me when I eat.
I love me when I’m sick.
I love me for me.

Who I am goes deeper than my skin.

I’m confident.
I’m artistic.
I’m intelligent.
I’m creative.
I’m imaginative.
I’m logical.
I’m kind.
I’m articulate.
I’m ambitious.
I’m empowering.
I’m soulful.
I’m funny.
I’m daring.
I’m charming.
I’m thoughtful.
I’m generous.

And I’m unapologetic for who I am..

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 4 pregnancies, 3 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: ten – placed for adoption, three and 5 months.