Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

When did it ever feel like my body? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

Thinking about it today, I never felt my body was mine. I have kept losing weight and putting it back on ever since I can remember. 2 years after postpartum I am about 75 kilos, and that’s much less than I was before. It feels more like my body today than it used to before I had my son. I guess motherhood has been very empowering, but I have only just started feeling my body is mine again recently. I don’t really look at my body in mirrors so this is a weird experience.

I am still breastfeeding my child and so I think of my breasts in a different light. After feeling they were there to attract, they’ve been drank out for nearly 2 years. At first it felt as if my body wasn’t mine at all, it was just performing all these things for my child. Today it feels like my breasts. They are used but it is my choice and they look a bit different from before. But that’s ok.

I really enjoyed reading the stories on the website. And I do find the women on it beautiful.

The Liberation of my Breasts (Amy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Breasts, Mom over 30, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 19 Comments

When I was young I noticed breasts, mostly those that were perky and well-rounded. I had already been swayed by the world into thinking that there’s a sort of standard for the parts of a woman’s body that feed her young. As I grew into my teens and looked at my own mother’s breasts I saw those of a woman, and I didn’t like what I saw. I wanted mine to be perfect, perky, and round.

Before becoming a mother my breasts weren’t “perfect” since perfect was an image that I could not maintain – it was outside of my body, it was outside of me. They were small, round (at least from what I remember), and I had the standard breast that was larger than the other. “Rocket tits” were among the comments I received about my protruding nipples.

During my first breastfeeds I noticed the love that flowed through my body into my daughter and I had a new found love for my breasts – a circle of love completion. Oh – so that’s what they’re for! It all came together.

And then I had two more children and my breasts waxed and waned as they got smaller and larger, and more stretched out. I really connected with a Momma blogger’s post about “can I sling them over my shoulder to feed the baby in the backseat!”

When I went through a divorce recently I realized I had some serious negativity towards the way my breasts looked. As much as I *tried* to love them I was afraid of how they would be perceived by others – specifically a man. (I knew darned well my children didn’t care!)

So I chose to finally walked through the fear. At age 32, almost three years postpartum from the youngest who is still nursing, and with three children, I bare my beautiful breasts to the world. I love them. I love me.

Thank you to The Shape of a Mother for providing the platform you do that allows women to liberate themselves from body hatred.

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Updated here.

Love/Hate Relationship (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Piercing, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

I’m now 25 and have always had huge body issues…even when I was thin. I always just hated my shape….my squarish hips and the fact that all my weight sits in my tummy/face while my arms and legs sta skinny. I didn’t like trying to be super thin, but if I wasn’t I just looked pregnant. I was jealous of girls who weighed much more but had this great shape. I’ve always had stretch marks and dimples on my butt for some reason. I tried to follow the advice to find a part you love, and that was my boobs. Not too big or small, perfect color and shape.

So when I got pregnant, my biggest fear was losing them and then having nothing i liked. I envisioned myself with big floppy boobs, saggy belly and covered in stretchmarks. During pregnancy, this site was a way to comfort myself but also to be honest had me crying a few times.

I gained 40lbs…most of it the last 6 weeks….that’s when the stretchmarks showed up on my belly and my legs. After I had my baby girl I was oddly pleased with my body…it had more of that shape I’d always envied…but I was so worried what my hubby would think about the stretchmarks. My belly button had been stretched and seems huge now. I’m still nursing, with a few light marks on them, but they feel so big and floppy I hate doing it sometimes….I’m hoping they’ll return to the right size, but scared of what they’ll look like. I dropped to under my pre-preggo weight within 3 months, but its not the same.

My baby girl is about to be 5 months old, and sometimes I feel better than ever about myself…I recently got a naval piercing to celebrate that. but its a love/hate relationship…I also have days where I still see how so much flop is in my belly and breasts, comparing myself to some model/mom friends i have….and think that people must be thinking i look like an apple on a stick, and my face seems squishier than ever. My husband is deployed, so I often send him pics but will take like 100 and weed it down to 2 that make me look good. I turn at an angle so i don’t look so bulky. I know he would never treat me differently, but sometimes I worry what he’ll secretly be thinking when he gets home…..

The first pic is 32 weeks
The second is 38 weeks
3rd is 3-4 weeks postpartum
4th is two months postpartum
Last two of me are 5 months
very last is my baby girl

Lopsided Breasts and Hernia (Jay-Jay)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breastfeeding, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Hernia, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 17 Comments

In the first pictures I was 31 years old and 10 months postpartum. My breasts are anyways uneven but they looked particularly funny after a one-sided breastfeeding. You can see my deformed bellybutton in the background. I didn’t know what the large lump under the skin an inch above my bellybutton was, but thanks to comments on this site, I went to the doctor and it turned out to indeed be a hernia! (Thank you!!) A year later I had it surgically fixed. I was told it was a “pregnancy hernia,” in that my baby was very big and my muscles were excessively weakened by the pregnancy. The doctor told me if I had worn a belt in the end of my pregnancy to give my tummy extra support, and if I hadn’t lifted so much after the birth, then I could have avoided it. I consider my new scar as part of my pregnancy wounds along with the lopsided breasts and stretch marks and saggy skin. I don’t mind because I know that almost every woman I pass in the street has marks of her own hidden just under her shirt.

Young mom Trying to Accept her Postpartum Body (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 13 Comments

Hello everyone I am a proud 20 year old mother of two beautiful little girls. Brianna born November 19 2006 at 3:34pm weighing 6 pounds 11.9 ounces and 19.5 inches long, and Savanna born January 15 2009 at 7:52am weighing 7 pounds 11 ounces and 20 inches long. Both my girls came on there due dates, I though that was very cool. I am also happily married to a wonderful, supportive, hard working man. We have been married for a little over 2 years now and have known each other for about 6 years.

Before ever getting pregnant I weighted 120 pounds and was in good shape, I went to the gym 5-6 days a week with my hubby and worked out for about 1-2 hours. That was one thing that we really enjoyed doing together, and I still like working out. I have always had a problem with not accepting my stomach, I always thought it was never flat enough. When I was pregnant with my first daughter around 7-8 months pregnant I started noticing stretch marks. Although there were very few in the beginning, by the time I was 40 weeks (full term) I was covered in them :( I figured I would get them because they say if your mother has them, your most likely to get them yourself. I never though I would get so many though, so that was really hard for me. A while after I had her I was at 125 pounds, can’t remember how long it took me to get there though lol. So although I was only 5 pounds heavier I still couldn’t accept my body, and I know that 125 pounds is a healthy weight for me and not a lot at all. It was really only the loose belly flab and stretch marks that bugged me the most, so my goal then was to tighten and tone my body. I would always say to myself how could I think I had a big belly before, its even worse now. I don’t think I look terrible or anything, but its just tough looking back at my before and after pregnancy pics. Well anyways let me tell you about my second pregnancy, with my second daughter. I only gained 32 pounds during my pregnancy but I was so huge, and I got even more stretch marks :( I was happy for the first 1-2 weeks because I was once again loosing the weight quite fast, but then it just kinda stopped at about 145 pounds. I realize that it has not been very long, and I know that it will take time to get back to my Pre-pregnancy weight, but the waiting is so hard. I started my weight loss journey at 6 weeks postpartum, and I am now 11 weeks postpartum and I have lost 4 pounds so far. I want to keep the weight loss at about 1-2 pounds per week, so that my already loose skin wont become even looser. I surprisingly am not so upset about my stretch marks Right now, but I am more focused on losing the extra 15 pounds of weight that I am left with. I know I am not huge or anything, but I would still like to be close to my pre-pregnancy weight and I want my stomach flatter. So the main thing I am concentraiting on is losing the extra weight, and tightening the loose skin if possible. Well that’s my story, so lets check out the damage. Just want to shout out a quick thanks to everyone who has shared there postpartum bodies, I know im not alone. Congrats to all you wonderful ladies, and I hope you are all enjoying motherhood.

Picture #1 Before any Pregnancy
Picture #2 6 Months (First Pregnancy)
Picture #3 40 weeks (Full Term) First Pregnancy
Picture #4 Postpartum after first pregnancy
Picture #5 Postpartum after first pregnancy (2)
Picture #6 24 weeks (Second Pregnancy)
Picture #7 34 weeks (Second Pregnancy)
Picture #8 39 weeks (Second Pregnancy)
Picture #9 40 weeks (Full Term) Second pregnancy
Picture #10 1 day postpartum after second pregnancy
Picture #11 1 weeks pp after second pregnancy
Picture #12 11 weeks pp (now) after second pregnancy

Two Years On (Ruth)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

I’m 32 (today!) and my son (my first and so far only child) is just about to turn two.

I put on four stone with my pregnancy, and despite various diets (and full-term breastfeeding) I have still not managed to lose it all. I’m starting to come to terms with the idea that this might just be my body now. My stomach is riddled with stretch marks which are now silvery in tone. They’re on my hips, too. It’s really wobbly and flabby and I’ve stopped wearing anything with a tight waistband. At the same time, however, I do feel more “feminine” than before. Maybe it’s because I prefer dresses now, as they skim over the flab and are more comfortable. I’m not sure I wanted to feel “feminine” particularly, but it’s happened, and I can’t say I mind too much.

I’m now at the stage where I’m wondering whether to try to lose more weight, or to come to terms with my body the way it is.

What do you think?

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No Longer Ashamed (Kerry)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 8 Comments

I am 18 years old and due in 6 days. Before I got pregnant I had the typical, enviable teenage body. I was thin, not a stretch mark to my name, and had abs to die for. I love being pregnant and feeling my little one move inside me, I feel so blessed that I have been given this amazing job to carry another life! I started my pregnancy off at about 130 at 5’8” and have gained almost 60lbs, it’s hard for me to hear EVERYONE tell me I will go right back to my old body just because I was thin before, because frankly I don’t believe them. The prospect of what my body might look like after birth has haunted me since I found out I was expecting. I’ve cried over it and swore I would never wear a swimsuit again. The media is so horrible to us pregnant women, they show us airbrushed models, a body none of us can ever achieve, because it’s not even real! I’m planning a homebirth, and at my last midwife appointment I was told about this site. It has changed my outlook sooooo much! I can’t even begin to describe the peace that’s beginning to come over me about my soon to be post baby body! This is the first time I have taken a picture of my belly and not been embarrassed about my stretchmarks, I began to get them at 36 weeks and have tried to hide them since then. I haven’t once let my thighs be in a shot due to the stretch marks I got either. The right side of my body has much more, I have no clue why. Anyway, Thank you!!! It’s amazing to be able to view my mommy marks in a new light! I will definitely post p.p. pics down the road! :) (Hopefully he/she comes soon! I’ve been getting a lot of contractions today!!!)
1st pic: 12 weeks
2nd pic: 6 months
3rd pic: 39 weeks + 1
4th pic: my little one

Updated here, here and here.

Never Happier With Myself (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 10 Comments

i’m a twenty one year old first time mom. before i got pregnant i dieted constantly and went to gym every single day afetr work in order to achieve the body that i thought i was supposed to have. and it worked, if you want to think of it that way. i was a size two. but it was hard work and very stressful for me to stay that size. and no mater how flat my stomach was or how low the number on the scale dropped, i was always self conscious and unhappy with how i looked. when i got pregnant, i was so sick for the first few months that i just ate whatever didnt upset my stomach that day. to hell with counting calories, carbs, fiber, protein…and everything else on the label. i gained fifty pounds in those nine months but it didnt matter. i could feel my daughter moving around inside my belly! i had a nursery to plan and books to read, questions to ask, and dreams to dream for her! i happily bought set after set of larger maternity clothes. she was growing! that was really all that mattered.

after she was born my stomach stayed about as big as it was at six months pregnant for quite some time. then it slowly shrunk to four months pregnant, and then down to not pregnant at all! but i really hardly noticed. i was watching my baby grow, not my size shrink. besides, the only time i really left the house in those months was for doctor appointments or the rare grocery shopping trip. at three months, when i was going back to work, i looked at my body. it didnt even remotely resemble the body it had been just a year ago. my hips were wide and soft, everything was soft! my boobs had gone from a 34C to a 38D (or 38DD depending on the brand and style of bra) my stomach sagged with extra skin and was covered with stretchmarks. and i couldnt have been happier with myself. this was the body of me, the mother. these were the effects that my daughter had had. every stretchmark was a sign that she had been there, that she was a part of my life now. i went through my old clothes and donated all the size two tiny little clothes i had to the salvation army and went out and bought a fabulous size ten wardrobe. i’m not selfconscious anymore. i’ve never been more comfortable with my body and my husband still cant keep his hands off me. i hope everyone out there can love themselves the way that i have learned to. and i desperately hope that i can pass it onto my daughter.

Update after 3 Months of Pilates (Tamara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 41 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

Hi! Its me again…im sure you have seen my previous posts and i promised i would keep up to date with the results of pilates and running to at least “try” and get my belly back to what it once was…anyhow the first two pics you can really see the definition the pilates has done….i still have loose skin above my belly button….but im not ganna stop working at it….im very happy with the results! just knowing what 3 months can do…imagine what a year could!! as for the stretchies…im looking into chemical peels to fade them a bit….the pics fade them but they are really deep some of them…the next pics are of my n my hubby and the lil man!! hope this inspires you guys! i know iv been inspired by everyone on here! btw i do have a myspace page if anyone ever wanted to chat or just check it out…https://www.myspace.com/ant_1129. Take care everyone!

Update (K)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

Previous entry here.

Just wanted to give everyone an update on my progress after posting a previous story on the site
I have noticed a change in my body and my confidence is beginning to grow. I will never wear a bikini again but the skin has tightened and my tummy is flatter

I have started exercising and being more conscious of what I eat. My husband and I take the kids on a walk every night. This helps us to unwind and reconnect as a couple as well as getting some fresh air and exercise.

I still don’t love my body, but I don’t hate it anymore and am learning to accept it

The photo below was taken at 11 months PP

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