Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Update (Victoria)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 10 Comments

That was my first post 6months ago.

I am now 20

and 28months Postpartum.

I was in such I hate my body mood when I first posted now I’m much better. The past weekend I brought my first swimmers that are full piece but with bits missing and I actually feel so confindent wearing it and walking around at the beach.

I started to workout and actually make time for it each day. I’ve been working out for 2months or even less but so far I love looking at myself in the mirror. I am now proud of myself. =]

Photo Number 1 is full front. Photo Number 2 is the my side.

Loving who I am now (Hannah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

Age: 29 years old
1 Pregnancy, 1 Child
Photos: 1,2,3 are 18months PP and 4 is a before pregger and 8mo pregger photo

I have a son named Ellis. Ellis was born last May by an unplanned C-section. He is now 18 months old. I had a pretty rough pregnancy. I was in school full-time at Mills College and I was working part-time with preschoolers. While I was pregnant, I completed all of the requirements to graduate, wrote a 25 page thesis, and walked in commencement 6 days after giving birth to Ellis. Whew~

During pregnancy, I gained 100pds+! Just to give you an idea… I weighed 120pds pre-preggers and by the time he was born, I was weighing in at 220-230pds! I had REALLY high blood pressure and one doctor told me I had the most worst case of edema he had ever seen! Needless to say… my once tight and taut body has become an oasis for stretch marks, flabby skin, and just all-together blah-ness~

I didn’t have the confidence or the energy to venture out into the world as the strong mommy warrior I envisioned to be and hoped I would be. Instead I had a long recovery from the unplanned surgery and loathed what I had become. At 27 years old I thought I had the whole world figured out… well, maybe just my world. I thought I knew who I was, what I went through and overcame, I thought… and felt like I just knew me. The package.

After my baby boy was born, I totally lost all sense of who I was and I realized that I no longer possessed the “knowing” of what in essence was me. I was a new person. Reborn. I was a mommy now. Although I loved this being that came from my womb, I resented the fact that in return, I received things that I did want more of… scars, stretch marks, fat, serious responsibilities…

Now a little over a year has passed and I am coming to terms with the new identity I’ve had to establish in being the mother to my child and I am happy to say… I do in fact love myself again… okay, maybe like. I still struggle with issues that I’ve struggled with all my life. Weight issues, insecurities… aarrrggghhh! One day I will overcome.

Rejected, but not vulnerable anymore (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 14 Comments

This was my first pregnancy and my son turned a year old last month. Thanks! :)

I was dating a man on and off for two years. He’s about ten years older than me (I’m in my 20s and he’s in his 30s) but he can be rather immature. We broke up and got back together a lot. We always had great sex and we were very attracted to each other.

When I was 25, I got pregnant. We had broken up three days before. Initially he thought that I would have an abortion so he told me that he’d stand by me no matter what. When I decided to keep the baby, he got really mean. He said, “Don’t think that this means we’re getting back together,” and pressured me to get an abortion. I didn’t give in to the pressure. Throughout the pregnancy, he gradually became more accepting of my choice but he was still an ass about it. After the baby was born, if I asked my ex for any help, he would tell me that I was the one who wanted a baby and to deal with it, even though he made the choice to be involved in our son’s life.

He had also chosen not to sleep with anyone else while I was pregnant out of respect for me. That respect apparently didn’t extend to the postpartum period. When our son was three weeks old, my ex started sleeping with someone who was younger and thinner than me. I was devastated when I found out even though he said that he wasn’t pursuing a relationship with her. I told him that I wanted to get back together so we could be a family, and he said that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. My body had been through a lot of changes. Even my belly button was different for f-sake! It really hurt to hear that someone who had been unable to keep his hands off of me for two years before I got pregnant was no longer attracted to me.

It’s been a lot of work to feel confident about myself again. I gained a lot of weight during the pregnancy and I feel good that I’ve lost a lot of it, but I don’t feel good about my loose skin. I feel good that I can wear my pre-pregnancy jeans now, but not so good that my belly and love-handles spill out of them. A lot of guys hit on me, but they’re mostly guys who I’m not interested in. I haven’t had sex since I found out I was pregnant, so it’s been almost two years. I dated somebody for a little bit but I have a new policy now of making sure that a guy isn’t an asshole before I sleep with him. (I don’t think that this guy was necessarily an asshole, but things just kind of fizzled before it got to that point.)

I’ve realized that my ex didn’t reject me because there was anything wrong with me; he was the one who had issues. Maybe it was his issues with responsibility or maybe he just watches too much porn. Either way, to hell with him! I just hope that he’ll be a good father to our wonderful little boy.

Here I am at 27 years old, one year and one month postpartum in my pre-pregnancy jeans. They’re a bit tighter than they were before I got pregnant.

This is me (anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 10 Comments

I am 22 years old this is me 4 months postpartum. Before I was pregnant I was Small and petite 5”1″ and was 95lbs. I gained over 50 pounds during this pregnancy even though I worked out just about every day. I am now around 125lbs I feel fat and just really unattractive with this body.My stomach is really loose and jiggly.My boobs are a cup size bigger but are kind of deflated a bit. I work out just about everyday and still cant seem to get this weight off.Which is depressing.I do have pretty bad stretch marks on me but I actually don’t mind them so much.I’m really happy that my fiance still loves my body and is still attracted to me.He is great! Thanks for reading this.

Proud to be a mother at last (Alex)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 20 Comments

Age: 35
No of pregnancies and births: 4 and 1 live birth
Post partum: 9 weeks

Having lost 3 babies I never thought I would become a mother. In may heart I blamed myself and after my last miscarriage in 2006 I spent 2 years trying for another baby so by the end of 2008 I had decided to be happy with not having children. So when the pregnancy test came back positive in January 2009 I was slightly dismayed. I know I should have been happy but I had finally accepted my circumstances and now I had to think again. As a result I didn’t enjoy the first few months of pregnancy with constant nausea, tiredness and weight gain but by the 2nd trimester I had come to terms with things and was beginning to enjoy my pregnancy and my body. I really liked the changes in my body and I especially loved being able to celebrate my tummy getting bigger and the lovely baby that I knew was growing inside. I had no real problems with the pregnancy but when my waters broke and the contractions did not start I waited another 4 days before finally going into hospital to be induced. I had hoped for a home water birth using hypnobirthing techniques but ended up with an induced, forceps delivery and an episiotomy to boot. It couldn’t have been more traumatic as little one was back to back (hence waters breaking and no contractions) and when I finally held her I was too in shock to really take in how wonderful she was.

That said I am grateful for my little girl and so far have felt fairly happy with my body. I was at my fittest and lowest weight just before I got pregnant (5ft 5inches and 133lbs) and I gained 41lbs when I was pregnant. So far I have lost 19lbs (currently weigh 155lbs) and at least 10lbs of that was baby and placenta. I am breast feeding and am fairly active in the day carrying my now 12lb baby in a sling everyday so I think that helps.

Although things are wobblier and my boobs are a bit saggier I’m trying not to expect too much from myself and to accept that bodies change all the time whether through pregnancy or with age so acceptance will always be necessary. Luckily as I am in my mid thirties I feel less concerned with physical beauty now than I did when I was younger and can see beauty in a wider range of things than I did back then. Perfection is great but requires a whole heap of effort to keep it going. I’d rather spend time cuddling my daughter and seeing her wonderful smile as I know how fleeting things can be.

Thanks,
Alex

Mother of two, 4 months PP (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 7 Comments

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 Pregnancies and births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 Year old and 4 month old

At the age of 18, i had just ended a one year relationship and was looking forward to just being young and enjoying myself. Five weeks after saying goodbye to my boyfriend, i found out i was pregnant with his child. He didn’t stick around. Before i got pregnant i was 116 pounds, I always hated my body. I never wore a bikini in public, i always wore a shirt and shorts over top so no-one could see my belly. Looking back at photos now tho, i realise how stupid i was to think i was fat. I went 8 months of pregnancy without getting a single stretch mark. At he start of month 9… they came in everywhere…. Belly, boobs, thighs, bum. I hated them! I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl a month after my 19th birthday. I went straight back into my pre pregnancy clothes. I didn’t have a car, so i walked everywhere i needed to go. Three months after having my daughter i was back to my pre pregnany weight. One year after giving birth, my stretch marks were faded down to silver lines. At one year PP i felt better about my body than i ever had before, and on the days when i did have a ‘bad body image day’ i’d just look at my baby girl,and feel so much better.

When my daughter was 13 months old I met a guy. A month after meeting we started dating. He loved my daughter (and my body.) Only 8 months after getting together, i became pregnant. In those 8 months though, i managed to go from 116 pounds to 132. I wasn’t really bothered with my weight gain. My belly was still relatively flat and i was happy. My second daughter was born in July 2009. I was overdue by 2 weeks with her. I’m now 4 months PP and i have huge purple stretch marks down the sides of my belly, i also have stretch marks on my belly, bum, boobs, and the backs of my knees. It’s not so much the stretch marks that bother me, but more so the extra skin. After my first baby, it tightened right back… this time, it just hangs there. I now (at 4 months PP) weigh 138 pounds. I’m definitly not in love with my body, but i don’t hate it. I’d much prefer my two gorgeous girls to a perfect body any day.

First one is me 42 weeks pregnant with my second child, in hospital about to be induced, second and third is me 9 weeks PP after my second child. I havn’t taken any recent photos… but i also have improved any since 9 weeks PP.

Worked hard while pregnant to stay fit, postpartum still stinks! (Jill)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 14 Comments

after almost a year of trying to get pregnant my husband and i were thrilled to see those two lines. it was so fun to finally be on my way to becoming a mother! i was excited to buy maternity clothes and thought the weight gain and changes wouldn’t be bad. i quickly figured out that, although my husband was excited and ready for when the baby actually came, “we” weren’t pregnant. i was the pregnant one. my body was the one that changed so drastically that i couldn’t even stand to look in the mirror before i jumped into the shower. I’m back into my jeans but there’s definitely that roll over the top of them. looking around it seems like other pregnant girls snap right back to their pre-preggo looks or that they get hardly any stretch marks. i feel like I’m one big stretch mark from my chest to my knees. they’ve hardly faded and i feel so ugly. other women talk about how they’re badges of honor but i see them as the downside of pregnancy. i absolutely love my son and feel like we prayed him into our home but i do wish everyday that i looked better. we plan on having more kids someday and i just feel like what’s the point of trying now to look better when I’m just gonna gain pregnancy weight again. I do pilates 5 days a week and try to eat well and i’m nursing full time but i still feel so fat and ugly. my husband is supportive and i wish i could believe him more. i still remember how embarrassing it was to see everyone right after the baby came and the little kids in the family were asking why my belly was still so fat if the baby was not in my tummy anymore. it’s just hard to feel unlike myself all the time. i LOVE being a mom, my husband and i are sooo happy but i wish i looked and felt better. thanks for this site, it does help some of the time! my little bundle of baby boy helps too:)

age:21
number of pregnancies/births:one! all natural delivery:)
postpartum:16 weeks

Updated here, here and here.

An Update (Dolly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, Submissions, Update 12 Comments

A while ago I sent this submission.

I want to thank you for allowing me to share, and for all the comments.
This site was just what I needed…
At that time I wanted nothing more than to talk- but t was so awkward. People seem to avoid talking to me about Chelsea. I now (nearly 3 years later) still like to talk of her. She was real to me and to my husband and other two children. She will always be with us and I include her when people ask how many children I have. I usually say two at home and one in Heaven. I encourage Moms to talk or not- do what you NEED. Your baby happened- it was real embrace your own heart and do’ let others tell you how to grieve or how to recover .
Here is her web page.
I update it yearly.

Thanks again- No longer anonymous

Updated here and here.

6 weeks PP and struggling to look in the mirror (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 18 Comments

Age 31, 1 beautiful daughter

I became pregnant last Christmas with my first child, a surprise to both my husband and I…our little Christmas present :-). Before becoming pregnant, I struggled with body image issues and had gained about 30 pounds over the previous 2 years. Going into my first pregnancy already overweight really bothered me and I really tried to keep my pregnancy weight gain under control, but ended up gaining about 50 lbs anyway. I never struggled with my pregnant belly; in fact, I actually enjoyed having the round pregnant belly, but I was terrified of stretch marks. I put buckets of cocoa butter on, knowing that it probably wouldn’t help but trying anyway, and around the 6 1/2 month mark, the first little purple squiggles began to appear. By the end of my pregnancy, they were everywhere. My entire belly was covered, my hips, my upper thighs, my “love handles”, and even my upper pubic area (how did they get there???).

As much as I hated the stretch marks, after I had my daughter my body transformed into something I hadn’t imagined. I had an unplanned c-section (I really wanted to avoid one but ended up with one anyway) and now on top of all of the stretch marks, my belly hangs/overlaps over the incision. I literally have to lift my stomach up to clean my incision and because of the way my skin hangs over it, it isn’t healing as quickly and is very uncomfortable. Most clothing is uncomfortable because it just mashes the overlapped skin down onto the incision. On top of that, it’s hanging crooked (the right side hangs lower than the left) and my left hip has this weird dent/overhang. I avoid looking at myself in the mirror and I won’t undress in front of my husband because I’m disgusted by my own body and can’t imagine that he isn’t too. When I do catch glimpses of myself in the mirror, I find myself fighting back the tears. I’ve lost 30 pounds over the last 6 weeks and have watched my body change quite a bit, but I can’t shake the feeling that my body is too far gone.

I adore my daughter and I’m so happy that I have her, but I’m really struggling with this and desperately wish I could get past it. Hoping to find some encouragement here. Thanks for reading!