Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 13 Comments

Age: 22
How many kids: 2 babies one age 8 months and one 3 years old

Hello to all the beautiful mommies . I first would like to say that i love this site and it has helped get through some rough times about my body image. it has shown me that there’s many women out there that get stretch marks , loose skin and such and its not just me. I have also posted here 7 months after having my son. Anyways I am a single mom of two babies. One girl and one boy. My little boy is 3 years old and my little girl is almost 8 months old. I struggle every day with my body but I try to think positive. My babies were worth every stretch mark and I wouldnt change anything. I have alot of good days but then those bad days come when I cant find one thing I like about my body. I dont like my stomach and every since having my second baby I dont like my breasts either. I think they lost quite abit of fullness and are small. I just want to thank you for all the brave mommies who post. Its not an easy thing to do but its helping soo many women. I really wish that all women could love thier bodies and its sad that so very few do. Well thanks for listening. Oh and i dont have any pics of the end of my pregnancy. I got pretty big and I wish i had some to show :)

8.5 Postpartum, Update (Kristin)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 9 Comments

Age:22 years old
Number of children: two, age 2 years old and 8.5 months old
how far postpartum:8.5 months

Hey, My name is Kristin, i have posted on here 2 other times, once when i had my first child, then again after i had my second child. I decided that i would do an update on how we are doing. We are doing good, my children are doing great, they are growing up so fast:)

I was not really happy about my body, i dont think i ever was, i still get very depressed sometimes when i see myself in the mirror. I went up to 140 by the end of each pregnancy, I am at a weight of 114Ibs now, i struggle with my weight, i don’t want to gain weight so i always look at the calories on food to make sure i dont go over my daily intake of calories. Its really annoying at times, but its hard to let the weight issue go, and i feel that i am fat, that my belly sticks out, and my boobs are to small, i feel that my body has not made anymore improvements either, and i am almost 9 months postpartum. I hate feeling like this, my husband says i am beautiful and sexy, but i have a hard time believing him.I really don’t like the look of my body but i know my children were worth it. My little boy is turning 2 in January, and my daughter is now 8.5 months old. I love my life, i have a wonderful husband and two wonderful children and i wouldnt trade it for nothing. But i can’t completly stop the depressing days i get about my body, atleast i have more good ones then bad ones.

Thanks so much for this site Bonnie, it has really made life easier seeing other beautiful mommies, that look similar to me.

The first 3 pictures is of me 8.5 months postpartum(now)
And the 4th is me and my 2 beautiful babies.

Updated here and here.

Healing Takes Time But I’m On My Way (F)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 19 Comments

1 pregnancy, 1 birth. 5 months postpartum.

I finally am ready to share my story and photos. I have been reading other women’s stories on Shape of a Mother since I was 6 months pregnant or so. They really helped to change my views of my own and other women’s bodies. I now believe that every woman is beautiful. Being a mother is especially beautiful, to me.

I met Michael in July of 2008 and even with our 16-year age difference (I’m 23 now), we fell in love and decided to have a baby. I discovered I was pregnant in November 2008. My pregnancy was healthy, though I was very morning sick for a few months and I also gained about 90 pounds . I was very skinny when I met Michael and by the time I got pregnant I had gained about 20 pounds and was at a perfect weight (160 lbs- I am 5’10”).

Pregnancy brought out a lot of emotional issues, some I didn’t even realize I had. I learned a lot about myself, but unfortunately I had some pretty extreme arguments and fights with my close friends and my mother. Michael and I also began arguing a lot. Luckily my friends and mom eventually understood and forgave me, but over time the fighting really started to disturb Michael, who was (and is, I believe) struggling with his own inner problems of depression and anxiety. I kept promising him that it would get better once I had the baby.

Sophia was born in August 2009, at which time Michael and I were getting ready to buy a home for our family (we had talked about marriage but at that point we definitely felt we should take it one step at a time). My water broke one evening after I woke up from a nap, and 8 hours later, my daughter was born. I had an epidural at 9 cm (we didn’t know how far I was until after I got it!), and there were no complications. It was the best and scariest day of my life. I now know what it is like to fall in love with someone you KNOW you will always love! Giving birth really does help you to learn how to work with your body, and if I ever have another one, I would like to try and skip the epidural all together.

So, Michael took 7 weeks of his paid vacation time to be with me and the baby. It was great, but tiring and stressful. We still continued to argue over the tiniest things. I had to learn to let him do things his way with the baby (leave the room if you have to, I figured out! Haha). In October, Michael dropped a bomb on me: He wanted me to move out, and he was canceling the house deal.

I was shocked, hurt, angry, and in denial. I talked to friends and family (whom I love dearly but are not the type of friends or family that I could just go and stay with…) and I decided to stand my ground and say, “I’m not moving out yet. I’m only 8 weeks postpartum!” Sophia and I moved into her nursery and we continued our breastfeeding relationship. Things began to get extremely tense with Michael. One day we discussed how things would be as far as him seeing our daughter when we moved out. We ended up arguing because he thought he should have her some nights out of the week since he had been getting up with her for one night-time feeding (she had, and still has, 3 per night). I disagreed, because I knew it would compromise our breastfeeding arrangement, and I was not prepared to let her sleep somewhere without me at such a young age.

Eventually Michael filed for a PFA (Protection from Abuse) with the court due to “verbal abuse.” The PFA also included an eviction which is what he was after. He just wanted me out, immediately. I had been resisting moving out because I had not worked since I was 5 months pregnant and he had been supporting me. He was my only source of income. I was also really nervous to live alone again, and even more nervous to live alone with Sophia. After a lot of anxiety, crying, feeling sorry for myself, and praying, I agreed to move out if he paid for the move and if he agreed to pay monthly child support. I am a part time student and when I start school again this semester I will also have student loans to live off of. So financially I WILL be taken care of, I just need to learn to budget.

So now Sophia and I live one block away from her father (that’s right, I moved into an apartment building one block away). He has her 3 hours a day. It’s not a lot of time but it’s better than none! He will also be watching her when I take my classes at school. Though as of yet, we are not friends (tried that and it didn’t really work….he doesn’t want me to come into his apartment because he needs his space, and although it seems extreme, I can understand it, sort of.) I am hoping that one day we will be able to get along as friends do. We do still communicate about our daughter and we both love her very much. She’s healthy, and happy, and adorable! I have a therapy session once a week and am learning ways to cope as a single mother. I am sloooowly losing the weight and though I haven’t been exercising much since I moved out, I plan to start again. I am still breastfeeding as well. I really love it and Sophia really loves it, so I want to do it as long as I can!

Sharing my story with all of you is part of my healing process. I could keep analyzing the “whys” of the situation, and keep thinking of all the things I did wrong and could have changed, but that is not what I am supposed to do. I am supposed to be a good mother to Sophia, and that is what I plan to be. Although things did not turn out the way I had hoped, imagined, planned for, and wanted so desperately, they turned out the way they were supposed to, and the best part is- it’s not over- I have a whole life to keep living with my daughter, and I am in charge of my destiny!

Thank you for reading this.

PS. I could have easily gotten Postpartum Depression (and still could!), but I have been on the lookout for it. I have added fish oil capsules to my supplement routine and they have really helped my mental and physical health!

Picture Captions:
#1: About 4 weeks pregnant.
#2: 20 days before giving birth (1 week late!)
#3. 5 months PP.

Update (Jill)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Submissions, Update 1 Comment

Original entry here.

i’m now almost 6 months pp and i feel i have to update my last entry. since whining all about my unhappiness over my new mom-bod i have continued to work hard (even through the holidays!) and am happy to report my progress. i just ran my first 5k, am back into all my clothes, i’m still nursing full time, doing my pilates faithfully (i’m almost addicted, it is soo calming!), and am feeling pretty great about who i am. i still miss my smooth skin and work diligently on fading these stinking stretch marks but whatever. the lights can always be turned off right ;) also, the guys on “the biggest loser” (LOVE that show) usually have a few stretchies and i know they didn’t get those from growing a baby. spread the word, ANYONE can get them! :) sorry no new pics. my camera is being craaazy!

age: 22
first pregnancy
postpartum: 32 weeks

Updated here and here.

My Beautiful/Crazy Motherhood (Nichole)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 6 Comments

~Age:23
~Number of pregnancies and births:3 & 3
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: ages 7, 5, 2

Well this site just made me feel 100% better! Let me start from the beginning! I was 15 when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I am 5’2″ have been since the age 14 & I weighted about 115/120 lbs. By the time I went in to have my first little girl I was 16 & weighed 175 lbs. I remember waking up one morning for school & putting on my “big” overalls at 9 months pregnant & busting the ties on the sides of the overalls. I cried .. a lot. But my pregnacy went great & my labor was new, so it was painful & emotionally draining but nonetheless it went good. My daughter was 7 lbs even & beautiful. I was a single mom at 16 but I had my mom and family & it was great. Then at the age 18, I started dating the same guy, (just fyi he is also the same one I lost my virginity to, and now is my wonderful husband almost ten years later) I got pregnant again. This time I weighed about 120 & when I went to to have our son (6lbs 4oz) I weighed 140 & miraculously weighed 125 when I left the hospital. We had a lot of problems & we split up. Then 2 years later we were back together & I got pregnant with our 2nd little girl. I weighed about 140 when I got pregnant with her & 160 when I had her. Then this in Feb’09 we finally made official and got married. I guess after all that babbling the entire reason for my post to begin with is that, I’ve been with my (now husband) on & off for nearly 10 years. He remembers the pre-stretchmark, pre-baby gut me & I always feel like he couldnt possibly be attracted to the me i am now. But finding this site & realizing im not alone in feeling that way really helped me. We are beautiful & stretch marks & baby guts are what makes us the mommys we are! & if my husband has been around through 3 baby & hormonal pregnancies and is ok with it then I can be ok with who i am & how i am. P.s. we’re now expecting baby #4 in september. I’m about 6 weeks! Cheers to all you beautiful moms!

Almost 2 ½ years later and still unhappy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 42 Comments

I got pregnant at the age of eighteen and gave birth by nineteen, I am now twenty one. My beautiful baby girl is two and three months old. I love my baby girl but I hate my body. I’ve always had problems with my weight, one minute I would be overweight and the next I would be under weight. Just before I got pregnant I was bouncing between 107 lbs to about 118 lbs and 5’1 tall. Those were good days for me. By the time I reached full term in my pregnancy I weighed 162 lbs. I figured it would be no problem to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Eight months later I was at 125 lbs and looking good, but then I started working full time and I am a single mother and by the time I got home from work every day, I just didn’t have the energy to work out. And to make matters worse, I work at a desk all day so the physical activity is limited.

Before I knew it, I was back up to 146 lbs and all of my toning was gone. I know it’s not good to obsess about how you look but I’ve always been self conscious and it’s more than just how I look to me, It’s how I feel. I feel drained and depressed most of the time and most days now, I can’t seem to will myself out of bed in the morning. I’m missing days of work and missing out on life.

I’m trying my hardest to cope with the way I feel but it’s hard. Most of my friends that have had children all seemed to go back to normal after so I can’t talk to them about it. The funny thing is, is that I really want to get fit and start enjoying life but the depression is holding me back. Most of the time I just want to hide under a blanket and drink coffee all day.

The thing I hate most about my body is definitely my baby pouch. No matter what I wear it still sticks out and folds over and when I sit down it really looks bad. I feel like people are staring at it and thinking that I am gross or something. And why is it that you can never find underwear that will conceal it and make it look flat. I have tried all kinds of control underwear and all they do it push the fat upwards so you have extreme back fat (not so attractive). I don’t know maybe I’m just being crazy but this all seems very real to me.

Sometimes I really think that I should have held off on getting a job until my little girl was a little older so that I could have enjoyed our time a little more without all the added stress (my job is a legal job and not the easiest). But then I think that I did the right thing in being able to secure a future, however, it cost me my sanity and my body in the end. One day I hope to feel better and look better because I don’t want my little girl to start noticing how unhappy I am and start showing signs of the same behaviour. If things do get better for me I’ll be sure to post an update.

Thank you all for listening.

Updated here.

2 Weeks PP – Update (Berni)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update, VBAC 8 Comments

I originally posted around 3 months after the birth of my son, again at 6 and a half months pp, and 38 weeks into this pregnancy.

My daughter was born 10 days late on the 22nd December 2010. I had actually gone into hospital that day to book an elective C section, due to being post dates and already having had a section. I was so happy when my water started to leak that evening. I did not achieve my homebirth but it was a very straight forward vaginal delivery. I ended up transferring to hospital after about 5 hours of strong contractions, as I was in a lot of pain and still only 3cm dilated, my midwife was also a little concerned about the baby’s heartbeat and that I was dehydrated. Well I wish I stayed at home now because I reached 10cm delivered within an hour and a half! There was no time for any extra pain relief so I only had gas and air. I didn’t tear and I wasn’t cut which I was very happy about. She was only 7lb 12oz, so second babies are not always bigger (my first was 10lb 10oz) and growth scans are not always accurate (she was estimated to be 9lb+). We called her Lilac and she is so lovely. I’m so pleased that I managed to have a VBAC and I doubt I would have achieved it without the support of the wonderful midwife I had.

As for my body I am now 3 weeks pp and I have 10lbs to lose and I struggle to fit in clothes 2 sizes bigger than what I was wearing when I fell pregnant. My tummy is so horrible and saggy, I knew it would be as it was saggy after my son, but it seems more so now. I didn’t get any new stretch marks. I try not to think about my tummy too much as it does get me down. I hope in time I can become more positive about my body, especially now I have a daughter. Is there any way without surgery to improve lose skin?

The body pictures are 2 weeks PP.

The last picture is of me and Lilac on Xmas day (3 days old).

Considering another child…. Need Advice. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Question, Submissions 28 Comments

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 and 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 yrs. old

My husband and I are considering having another child. We’ve been together since I was 18 and have taken our time to plan out our children. The problem I have is this: I really hate and I mean HATE with a passion that if I do get pregnant again our children will be about 4-5 years apart. I really don’t like that at all. I know that it’s my fault since we should’ve done this sooner but a lot of things happened that couldn’t be controlled. By the time the dust cleared I realized that my daughter is turning 4! My brother and sister and I don’t get along and we have about 5-6 years of difference between us. I know that siblings can and do get along all through their lives but I can only draw from my experiences. As crazy as this seems I really wanted “them” to have a real sibling relationship that I never had. I always wanted a brother/sister for my daughter to be 1-2 yrs. apart. That way their teen angst can be sailed through with each other about the same time. I also wanted to go to amusement parks and whatnot and we can all go without worry that the teen thinks or bugs her younger sibling for no reason. Now of course I did numbers and what can a 7 yr. old have in common with an 11 yr. old or a 12 yr. old with a 16 yr. old. Can you help by telling me your experiences as a mother with children of a gap of 4-5 yrs. and also of having a younger/older sibling of 4-5 yrs. apart. I now not everything in life can be controlled but it would be nice to hear stories from both sides. I’ve been told to not think about it and just do it but I can’t help feeling apprehensive. Please help!

3 years later and 1 beautiful little boy (Chi’s Mommy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 8 Comments

Its been 3 years since I gave birth to my amazing little boy , Malachi. He is a blessing and I thank God for him daily. My husband & I plan to have another baby soon , so I’ve been working extra hard to lose my baby weight from my 1st child. I started out at 198 after giving birth and now , a while 3 years later (but I still did it) im 159. Im by no means perfect, but getting happier with my new self. My husbands loves me regardless and thinks im gorgeous. Love is blind lol. Just thought I would put some new pics up of me now. I posted on here before but cant seem to remember what my title was to attach it. Sorry!

From Hot to Not – Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 30 Comments

Your Age: 21
Number of pregnancies and births: 1

Original entry here.

I posted a few months ago when I was 11 weeks PP. My son is now 7 months (32 weeks PP). I still look the same which is incredibly depressing, I did drop from 150 to 145 but I’m kind of stuck there. I can only exercise about 3 times a week because so I’m busy. I need to make it more of a priority to exercise but it’s just so difficult to find the time.

It’s so hard to see girls who are my age who have never had children and their body’s are amazing; no stretch marks, no cellulite, nothing. They have flawless smooth stomachs.. I used to to look that way and it’s just so hard to accept reality. I would be so happy with my body if I didn’t have stretch marks. They hold me back.. I think I would be so motivated to work out and exercise if they weren’t there but I know that they’re there and I’ll never show my stomach.. so what’s the point of slimming down?

I don’t feel attractive at all. I feel ugly. As a young and single mom, I feel like no guy (that I want) will ever want to be with me. I’m damaged goods now. I can’t look at my stretch marks and think of them as “badges of honor” or “battle scars” I look at them and see ugly marks that represent carelessness and laziness. I should have exercised and ate better while I was pregnant. But I didn’t and they remind me daily. I see tons of young mothers who have had babies and didn’t get a single mark and they’re 100% back to normal…walking around in bikinis totally care-free. I hate the way I look and I think it will be a constant uphill battle with the way I feel about myself.

These pictures don’t do my stretch marks justice.