Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

This is beautiful??? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 21 Comments

I don’t understand how many of you ladies can consider this as still being beautiful. I can’t stand the sight of my stomach…it is a stomach of a 90 year old woman on a 30 year old body. I am not overweight, I am happy with the rest of my body, but I just hate this stomach. Yes, I know that it is a stomach of a mother who has two children….but you know what…I don’t care…I don’t care what my body went through…it became something so ugly, so unreal to me! I can’t even feel comfortable during intimate moments with my husband, I have to wear something to cover up. When I bend down, my stomach skin or fat (whatever it is) just hangs down. I’ve never seen anything like this before…Here are some of my photos. The last one is of my hanging stomach when I bend down, lol. Thanks for listening!

AGE: 30
NUMBER OF PREGNANCIES AND BIRTHS: 2 PG, 2 BIRTHS
AGE OF CHILDREN: 3 AND 5

Moms in Orange County, California!

Bonnie (SOAM) Old News 0 Comment

I have been corresponding with a reporter from the OC Register – she’d like to get in contact with some moms in the area so, if you are willing, can you please contact her? Her info is below:

My name is Courtney Perkes and I’m a reporter at the Orange County Register. I’m interested in writing a story about this Web site, and am hoping to find moms from Orange County who read it and/or have contributed photos to it. If privacy is a concern, I can use first names only. If you would be willing to be interviewed, please contact me at 714-796-3686 or cperkes@ocregister.com. Thanks!

pregnancy weight gain, sex & fear (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Mom over 30, No Photos (Story Only), Pregnant, Submissions 16 Comments

I found your site because I am 30 weeks pregnant and shocked that I am having such a hard time adjusting to my changing body.

I am 31 years old and this is my first pregnancy. My partner and I decided this July that we would stop using birth control. We were so in love and both felt like we couldn’t hold it back anymore. I think we both sensed the lifeforce of this baby straining at the gates we had placed up, desperate to burst through. Although we had only been together for 2 years in total with just over a year of living together at the time, neither of us had the strength or desire to resist this force any longer. Two weeks later we were pregnant! We were shocked and proud that it happened so quickly but mostly we felt really blessed. Although in some ways it would have been “easier” to have had a few months of trying-to-get-pregnant limbo to integrate the idea of a baby on the way and absorb the seriousness of what we were doing, I am well aware of how blessed we are to have had such an easy time conceiving this little being.

I have been really lucky to have had a seamless pregnancy. I was a little tired and a little nauseous initially, but it completely vanished at about 9 weeks, and then we heard the little heartbeat loud and strong at 10 weeks, which was a tremendous relief as I was really conscious of the possibilty of miscarriage. Otherwise my energy has been good and I am feeling strong and healthy. My uterus got really big really quickly–so much so that everyone was fussing about twins for ages. But then the pace of growth got on track, and tests showed that there was only one healthy baby. I have continued to grow at a nice steady pace, take my vitamins, and rub my belly with oils but mostly I have just felt like a completely normal person.

The worst part of this pregnancy has been what it has done to our sex life. We used to have a frequent, effortless and pleasurable sex life–but even more importantly, I used to feel that my partner truly
desired me. He would spend time on my body when we had sex, and demonstrate his attraction to me often–with deep kisses or crude comments or grabs at my body that I would chide him for but that also
delighted me. His desire for me delighted me.

Since I’ve been pregnant, the most frequently we have had sex is probably every 10 days and it has been as long as 3 weeks. Most of the times we do have sex it ends up feeling really unsatisfying as I feel like he is only doing it to please me as he knows how upset I am by this, and not out of his own desire. But even worse, his demonstrations of attraction and lust in our day-to-day interactions have vanished. He is still very loving and attentive to me, we have plenty of cuddles on the couch or in bed, and we easily tell each
other that we love each other as many as 20 times a day. We have more love between us than ever before, but the loss of the lust and sex has been a huge source of sadness and depression for me.

We have talked about this many times. He always says that he is still attracted to me, but I don’t believe it because I don’t see him acting on it. He also says that he is having a hard time wrapping his head around how much he loves me with a desire to have sex with me–as though sex is something dirty or negative that will tarnish me. To some extent, I am sympathetic to his own process of adjustment as our relationship changes as we become parents together, but I also want him to just grow up and realize that sex is normal and healthy and something two healthy adults that love each other can share. I wish it was as important to him as it is to me, and I wish he understood how much fear this gives me about the future of our relationship. I think sex and attraction are the glue of a relationship, and it absolutely terrifies me that we have lost it so soon—especially as we embark on this new challenge of parenting when we are going to need that glue more than ever. It just breaks my heart when I read women saying that their husbands “can’t keep their hands off them.” I so wish I had that.

This also makes me wish that we had waited longer in our relationship before having a baby. Even though we still love each other deeply, I feel very vulnerable in this relationship knowing that he isn’t attracted to me anymore. I wish we’d had more time with my old body and our old sex life to build a deeper foundation. I also wish there had been more time for him to really get to know and love me for all the non-bodily things about my personality and soul because I realize now that those things are what I really have to sustain his attention with. I know the true reasons he is with me are indeed all those non-bodily things, but I still feel so vulnerable. I can’t help but think that another year or two to enjoy and develop what we had might
have been better.

I am now 30 weeks pregnant. I have this gorgeous big belly that I astounds both of us. My breasts are huge and I know many men would be thrilled with them. These are both changes that I expected, and I
suppose that are socially sanctioned- even supermodels get a big belly & boobs. But lately I have started gaining weight on the rest of my body and noticing horrible new developments like cellulite, plus I have gained nearly 30 lbs already– and I am really struggling with this. Even though I am a midwife and deal with pregnancy every day, I honestly and sincerely never expected that I would gain excessively, or in places other than my belly & boobs. This scares me with an intensity that shocks me.

Obviously my insecurity about my partner’s attraction to me is probably a huge reason for why I am having a hard time integrating this. At this point, I have pretty much given up on forcing the sex issue as there is certainly nothing less attractive than someone demanding you find them attractive. But I feel like my hopes that he will be attracted to me again after the baby is born are dwindling with each pound and each patch of cellulite. I desperately want my man to be attracted to me again.

As well, I know that excessive weight gain is associated with all sorts of obstetrical complications that I really want to avoid both for myself and obviously for my baby, and that might prevent me from having the homebirth I have dreamed about since I was a teenager. I am mature enough to realize that if my dream homebirth doesn’t happen, then I am still blessed a million-fold to be having a beautiful baby with a man that loves me and is committed to me, but I can’t shake the sense of obstetrical doom-and-gloom that I sense as I see my legs ballooning so early on.

And the worst part is that I don’t know what I could possibly do to stop this weight gain from continuing. I eat well, have cut out sugar, walk an hour at a fast pace most days, and do yoga a couple times a week. I also try to swim a few times a week. This all feels 100% intuitively right to me–hitting the gym just doesn’t jive with my sense of what my body needs right now. So short of completely abandoning my intuition about how to take care of myself, there isn’t any room to “give” for me to slow this weight gain down. So I assume
my only choice is to just stand back and trust that my body knows what it is doing (and avoid looking at my ass in the mirror at all costs?). But how do I deal with the thoughts of panic I have when I see my
naked body? How do I deal with the thoughts about restricting my eating when I plainly know this is unhealthy and damaging to my baby? How do I accept my body and even better–learn to find the beauty in
the changes? I have been so lucky to have been blessed with a healthy body image, natural enjoyment of healthy food and exercise, and a metabolism that has let me pretty much eat whatever I want whenever I
want for my entire life up to this point. I know that most women have had to grapple with these exact questions long before they reach their 30s, and may have some of the answers before finding themselves
floored by these thoughts in the middle of their first pregnancy. But this is incredibly new territory for me and it makes me feel awful.

My Twin Mom Body @ 1 Year Postpartum (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Twins 22 Comments

I delivered twin boys via c-section in January ’09 at age 38. Now I am 39 (40 later this year). For many years pre-pregnancy, I worked out frequently and intensely. I am 5’5″ tall, and at the time I got pregnant (my first and only pregnancy), I was very fit and weighed about 120 pounds. I definitely was concerned with what pregnancy would do to my body, but I also knew I had to gain a great deal of weight, and do so relatively quickly, since twins were more likely than not to come early, and I wanted mine to be as big and healthy as possible. I exercised mildly through week 30 or so, and religiously applied vitamin E oil to my belly, back, butt and thighs, though I knew this would probably have little or no effect. By the day I delivered at 34 weeks (when my preeclampsia became too severe for my doctor to allow me to continue with the pregnancy), I weighed over 190 pounds; my boys weighed 4 lbs & 3 oz., and 4 lbs 13 oz. at delivery. Although they had to spend a couple of weeks gaining weight in the NICU, the doctors and nurses all told me how impressed they were with boys’ sizes given their gestational age.

I nursed and pumped my breasts until the boys were 6 months old, and then switched to formula. During this time, when I wasn’t going crazy taking care of twin infants, I was despondent about my weight and my body but had absolutely no time to exercise or do anything else for myself. I wore maternity clothes for at least 4 months postpartum, and then bought 2 pairs of large cargo pants (I couldn’t come to terms with buying any other “big” clothing), and wore them to death, along with empire-waisted nursing tops. Lots of weight came off, but still I couldn’t stand the sight of myself naked, and avoided my friends and colleagues. By July ’09 I was down to around 145 pounds.

By September ’09, I was still up about 20 pounds, and vowed to do something about it. By that time I had the assistance of a nanny to help with the kids, and could take some time to exercise. I started going back to the gym, but even with help it was too difficult to have to schedule workouts outside the house. I committed myself to a home workout program, and followed through (note this involves approximately 1,000 abdominal exercise repetitions weekly — in addition to very challenging resistance routines for each major muscle group). By Thanksgiving, I felt like I had 90% of my old body back. I am now half-way through my second round of the program, and I can actually see my old body when I look in the mirror — so long as I’m standing far back enough not to notice that my areolas are a bit stretched out, and I have a bit of extra skin on my belly. I am actually very self-conscious about my areolas, but the extra belly skin is okay and I love my c-section scar!

My husband hasn’t given me any positive feedback on my body whatsoever. I have worked my butt off (literally), and am really pretty proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished, which is why I’m sharing here.

As for my boys, they are absolutely amazing. Within a few months, they were all caught up in terms of their prematurity. Now, at just over a year out, they are healthy, hilarious, gorgeous and smart. I love them beyond all measure.

Loose Skin, Severe Stretch Marks and Optimistic! (Nicole)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 21 Comments

Age: 24
Number of Pregnancies: 1
9 months Postpartum

I never in a million years ever thought my beautiful belly would be tarnished the way that it is now. Maybe it was naive of me, but I didn’t realize it was even possible to look like this just from having a baby. I found this site when I was in the middle of my pregnancy and I will be honest it scared the living daylights out of me! But after having my beautiful baby girl… and then standing in front of the mirror… I knew I would never be the same.

I struggled sooo much with my new body for the first 6 months. Then I just decided it is what it is and I am going to be proactive. I have been on Weight Watchers for about a month now and am down 10 pounds. I want to lose quite a bit more and I will be sticking with it until I am satisfied and at a healthy weight. I started at 185 and I am 5’5″. I hope to get down to 125-135 lbs. I am also trying to take very good care of my skin and hoping for the best with my stomach. The skin is extremely loose and the stretch marks are very extreme. But what can I do about that? I am going to focus on what I can do and that is get into the best shape of my life. Yes, my stomach may never look like it once did, but one look at my baby girl and it doesn’t matter.

There’s more to life than looks. Unfortunately, in this day and age when there is so much emphasis on how women look it’s hard to always remember that. But I am trying to stay focused and dedicated and to be honest, I am very excited to see the new me several months from now- saggy skin, stretch marks and all! I will be healthier and more toned and quite possibly more happy with my looks than I have been in a long time!! I want to be a fun active mom for my daughter as well, so that is additional motivation to get in shape.

Anywho, these are my pics… be prepared, after seeing everyones I can honestly say mine are the worst, however, it is what it is, right?? I hope all of us dealing with body issues can find acceptance with ourselves in time. After all, bodies are meant for more than just looking “hot.” They are meant to love our children, hold them when they need us, play with them, watch them grow, experience life in so many ways- to the fullest. There’s no way I’m letting stretchmarks or loose skin stop me from enjoying my life everyday. It’s a gift. No matter how it’s packaged. Fragile and fleeting.

Keep your chins up! Acceptance is there. It’s just a matter of changing your perspective. After all, everything changes once you have children!! Let it be for the better. <3 Here I am 9 months postpartum. [gallery]

Overcome with Emotion (Liz)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Complications in Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 5 Comments

I had a baby boy by c section in July of 2003 and I was overjoyed. I gained 65 pounds with the pregnancy, and lost a small portion of it slowly over 6 years. In February 2009, I wasn’t happy at all with the way I looked and it showed in my marraige. I felt for many years that my husband wasn’t attracted to me. I found out I was pregnant on Valentines Day 2009. I had a very hard pregnancy in which I developed a heart condition as well as preeclampsia. I was bed ridden from 8 weeks on. Needless to say this didn’t do much for my already struggling sex life. Moving foward I delivered a baby boy by c section on September 22nd. He was 5 weeks premature and had health issues. I became very depressed. I have pulled out of the depression some, while talking to my doctor and support from my friends and family…but EVERY time I look in the mirror I cry. I am overcome with emotion about how much I hate my body. I love my baby so much and I would never change anything but how could I be so ugly? I cannot excersize due to the heart condition that has lingered after pregnancy. The stress of a preemie drove me to the fridge…the only comfort I had. My husband tries to be nice but is is clear that he is not attracted to me at all. He has trouble getting in the mood and I can understand why. I have never felt uglier or fatter in my entire life.

I am 29 years old
4 months post partum
2 beautiful baby boys delivered c section one 6 one 4 months

First pic is me 4 months post partum, then my 2 boys, then me before my second pregnancy

Mum of three babies after 2 pregnancies -Twins (Natasha)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins, Update 14 Comments

I had my first daughter at 19. I had a healthy, uneventful pregnancy and a beautiful natural birth. I carried small, and my body returned to normal very soon after Anna was born. At the time I thought it was so different, and struggled for a short time to come to terms with those changes. I now realise of course that those changes were SO miniscule and I wish I had appreciated the body that I had before my second pregnancy far more than I did. I loved it for providing me with my child, but struggled to come to terms with the physical changes and didn’t appreciate how good I looked for having had a baby. I made a submission here after Anna’s birth. As Anna approached 1 year old, we decided to try for our second child as we wanted a close age gap and I want to go to university and work on a career, but not before I have my family. I did not want to wait 4 years to get my degree and however long it took to find employment in my chosen work area and however long it would take to fall pregnant… at that rate our little girl would be 6 or 7 by the time she had a brother or sister, and that was just too long for us.

We tried for our second pregnancy for 6 months before we fell, and sadly we lost that pregnancy. We were lucky to fall again the next month, and when I started bleeding heavily at 7 weeks I was so sure we had lost another pregnancy, however when we were scanned at the EPU at 8 weeks gestation, we were given the wonderful, incredible news – There was not a heartbeat, but there were two! – We were expecting TWINS! I got really big with the twins, it was nothing like what I experienced with Anna, and began to dread how I would look after the birth – expecting the worst.

I had a hard time of the pregnancy. I went into preterm labour at 31 weeks when my waters broke, but they were able to stop the labour and I went on to 34 weeks 5 days before they induced me due to the risk of infection from my ruptured membranes and suspected IUGR of twin 2. I had a traumatic birth where, after I had reached 10cm all by myself with no pain relief, the doctors and midwives took control and interfered in my birth in ways that confused and terrified me. I felt scared and violated – suddenly the contractions were unbearably painful and I struggled to push my babies out as I was forced to lay on a table with my arms strapped down and my legs in stirrups. I successfully gave birth to “twin 1” who we called Sophie-Rose. It angers me in hindsight that I had to ask for my arms to be unstrapped before I could hold my baby. After she was born the midwives pushed on my tummy to try to encourage “twin 2” to come down. This also angers me as I soon started to haemorrhage, and my placenta detached before my second daughter was born, which I fully believe was as a direct result from this pushing and prodding on my uterus from the outside. Because of this, I had to have a caesarean for my second daughter’s birth. I was knocked out with a general anaesthetic and my daughter was cut from my body. I didn’t get to see her for some hours until I had come around from the GA. We called our beautiful, tiny, “twin 2”, Grace.

My caesarean scar is a constant reminder of how wrong that birth was, and I feel like I let Grace down that she didn’t benefit from natural birth and have a cuddle straight after birth like both of her sisters did. The other marks on my body make me proud, though. My body has changed a lot more than it did with my first pregnancy and birth – my tummy is covered in stretchmarks and I have a slight overhang above my caesarean scar, but these are all reminders to me that I carried, nurtured and loved my babies with everything I had in me, for almost 8 months. I feel like a true mother, and my “mummy tummy” is a badge of honour – It speaks to the world and to all who see it, and it says, “this is more than a woman – this is a MOTHER.” It tells the story of the amazing journey that I have been through of pregnancy and birth, and of carrying three babies through two pregnancies. There is no achievement greater than that, and I am so proud.

My baby girls are so perfect, all three of them. I breastfed Anna for 16 months until she stopped asking for it, and I am planning on breastfeeding the twins until they decide it is time as well :-) I’m so grateful to the universe that no matter how they arrived here on earth, I have been blessed with three amazing, beautiful little girls and that makes me one of the luckiest people in existence.

I only wanted and planned on having two children (I got a bonus baby!) but after this birth experience… Initially I was so sure I would never want any more children ever again – not just because we had had all the pregnancies we had planned for, but because I had been so traumatised that I didn’t think I COULD do it again. But now, part of me yearns to have a fourth baby some time (not any time soon!), just to prove to myself what can be done. Not that it will right the wrongs of the birth that I experienced with the twins, but it would heal some of the hurt I have been left with after that birth, if I could do it again and do it RIGHT. I still yearn for that last perfect birth that I feel was taken from me in the theatre room where I birthed my last two children. Part of me feels it would be helpful and healing to do it again before I’m done, maybe after my degree is complete and I have been working for a few years, so when the girls are 7 or 8… I’d have to convince my husband on that one, though – as he is as offput as I was after the whole ordeal that I don’t think he’d be willing to risk me going through it all again :-(

The attached photos are:
1 – 28 weeks bump photo
2 – One month postpartum side on
3 – One month postpartum other side
4 – One month post partum face on
5 – One month post partum tummy only
6 – Caesarean scar

~Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 2 natural births and 1 caesarean birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Anna is aged 22 months, and Sophie-Rose and Grace are 1 month old (so 1 month post partum)

Triplet Mom + One – Update (Tabitha)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, Hernia, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Tattoo, Triplets, Update 11 Comments

Original entry here.

23years old
2pregnancies
Riley(g) Aiden(b) Chloe(g) age 2 1/2
Brennan 11months

This is an update, i had GGB triplets in 07 and then a singleton boy in 09. I was a mother to 4 before i turned 23. The stress my body underwent was amazing! I had a gap in my ab muscles big enough to feel my spine through, i also had a TON of sagging skin that i couldnt see my feet past. I eventually got to the point that i was so unhappy with myself that i would have done anything to get it all taken care of. I went to my doc to see about a tummy tuck not thinking it would happen. After about a month of physical therapy for my back because of the gap in my muscles and a few appointments in a plastic surgeon and eventually a hernia, my surgery got approved! Being that my husband is military its extremely hard to get a surgery like that approved without having problems directly involved with the pregnancies. My hernia was a blessing in disguise! On Dec 4th 2009 i got to go in for my tummy tuck. I was really nervous leaving my babies for something like this. I never leave them unless its just for a minute and thats normally only to head out for a break. So i was beside myself because i always seem to think of the worst possible outcome on things like this. The surgery went great! I dont think ive ever been so happy besides when my babies were born. I never thought i would look like a 23 year old again! I cant play with the kids better and longer now, im not so down and depressed because i hated the way i looked, i get dressed and actually put my face on and do my hair now, when before it was hard to just get out of a big t-shirt and sweats! I can happily say that i love my body! I still have a few left over stretch marks to remind me of the pregnancies which i love! The doctor did such a great job that my tummy looks natural, like its always been that way. My triplets are now 2 1/2 and my littlest is almost one, a lot has happened in the past couple of years but its all been amazing!

A Belly I Don’t Know (Shaunda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 15 Comments

Age: 27
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
Age of my child: 17 weeks (4 months, 1 week)

I have always wanted to post something on this amazing site, but just never had the courage. I looked at this site religiously throughout my entire pregnancy, knowing that I would have a hard time coping with my post-pregancy body. So, now I’ve decided to share my story, in hopes that someone can relate to me or offer any input.

I found out I was pregnant on January 14th, 2009. I had always wanted children (as I am the 1st of 8 and love being around kids). So, I absolutely enjoyed my entire pregnancy! At 8 weeks pregnant, I was diagnosed with a subchorionic hemmorage and put on bedrest for 3 weeks. I was absolutely terrified that I would lose my daughter and was, needless to say, ecstatic to find out that the blood clot literally thinned out and disappeared while I was on bedrest.

On September 16th, 2009 at 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant I went into labor. It was so crazy because I was obsessed with being pregant and even more so about being able to survive the pain of labor. But when I actually went into labor, I had no idea that was what was happening. I thought I just had gas or something:)!. When I got to the hospital i was already 7 centimeters dialated. But an hour later, my daughter’s heart rate was dropping and I ended up having an unwanted c-section. My beautiful baby girl was born at 6:35am at 8lbs, 4oz.!!

Today my baby is 4 months old and absolutely the best thing that has ever happended to me. I literally did not know love until I held her in my arms! There is nothing like it–she is my everything!! The only thing is I am slowly becoming sad and unaccepting of my new body. I was always a really skinnny person. Before I was pregnant, I weighed about 127 lbs. I gained 42 lbs throughout my pregnancy and weighed in at 169 the day she was born. Throughout the pregnancy, I was excited about gaining weight, just knowing there was a little person in me growing! But now that she is here, I want my old stomach back. I now weigh 145 lbs and my stomach is so foreign to me. Everyone at work keeps saying, “you don’t even look like you had a child”. I just smile and say to myself, “that’s just cause I’m hiding behind these clothes and sucking it in every now and then”. What’s wrong with me? I’m not fat, but I can only explain it by saying that when you are small for 27 years and all of a sudden you have fat hanging over your jeans, you go from a size 3/4 to 7 or 9 (depending), it’s hard to get used to it.

I love my daugther so much and would do my whole pregnancy over 1 million times if I had to. But if I could just flatten this tummy, I would be happier. I don’t mind the weight, but I got very little stretch marks on my belly (more on my thighs) and want to get into a bikini again, but not with this belly! I hope it will get better with time; I want to run/workout, but I don’t know where to start since I never had to?? I have a ton of clothes and can’t fit any of them, so each time I reach for a shirt or pants to put on and have to take it off cause something’s hanging over or poking out, I get pissed and frustrated. Hopefully this will get better. Holding and playing with my daughter makes it feel better, though. Thanks for listening to my story. All you mothers out there are truly beautiful, strong, and inspiring.

Picture#1: Me pre-pregnancy
Picture #2: Me 8 months pregnant
Picture #3: My beautiful daughter (Shaila)
Picture #4 and #5: My stomach now at 4 months postpartum

An Update to my Story (Jen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy, Update 13 Comments

27
3 pregnancies, soon to be 3 births (all c-sections)
5, 3 and due in 4 weeks

I originally posted this in December of 2006. To recap, we were in a serious car accident when I was 24 weeks pregnant with our second child, and it left me with pelvic injuries, and depression. I read my submission recently, and was shocked that I didn’t see at the time just how depressed and angry I was!

I have grown a lot since then. It has been 4.3 years since the accident, and I have finally gotten a diagnosis, and some realistic expectations from my physicians. I have an unstable pelvis, SI joint dysfunction and deterioration, and myofascial pain syndrome. I’m never going to be pain free again, and I have exhausted the available treatments at this time. I can choose to have more prolotherapy, which involves injections of a sugar solution in to the joints in my pelvis/lower back, but having had ~250 injections at this point (20 – 25 per treatment, x 10 treatments,) I have learned that they do not work. I have been in pain 24/7 for the last 4.3 years, but I no longer allow it to rule me. I beat depression, have started a support group for moms coping with chronic pain, and am using my experiences to help other moms who are in the position I was in. I have adopted a new motto in life: “It is what it is.” I cannot change what happened to me, but I can accept it, move forward, and be an advocate for those who haven’t gotten to this point yet J To remind myself of this, I designed a tattoo using some of my favorite elements, and put it over the injection sites on my lower back on June 6th, 2009.

In my original story, I was struggling with being told that I could not carry another child. I am happy to say that I am proving them wrong, because after a BCP failure in June, I am now expecting my third daughter. She will be arriving via c-section on my YDD’s birthday in 4 weeks. It has been an extremely rough pregnancy, but seeing my daughter will make it all worth while!

Thanks for reading!

My tattoo when I first got it
Me at 35 weeks with # 3 J
My girls at a wedding (flower girls)