Update

Moving On (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update

Previous post here.

1 Vaginal Birth
1 Pregnancy
20 months PP
Age 22

After my first post, I wasn’t going to post again until after having a second child, to see where I was and how I felt about my body after having 2 children. But I feel like I need to share what has happened with me since posting at 5 months PP. My husband deployed when our daughter was 9 months old, and it was shortly after that, that I found out he was viewing/watching porn. Its impossible to explain the feelings of grief, of disbelief, of betrayal and of unbelievable hurt. I didnt believe it at first, thought it was a joke or I was seeing things wrong. The image of the naked blonde woman I found is forever burned in my head. I confronted him, and of course, this was all done via email as I had no other way to speak with him. He admitted that he had been struggling with it for years, and would look at it off and on. This was the man who was so romantic and loving while we dated, and promised to love me and cherish me at our wedding, how could he DO this to me! I wont deny that my first thought was I was done with him, I wanted to take my daughter and leave him. After weeks of being angry and hurt, I realized that I still loved him and really wanted to make our marriage work. I told him he needed to stop and stop and stop now, get help, find an accountability partner, install anti-porn software, anything to stop. Five months later he returned home from deployment and I was sure I would never be able to be intimate with him again. Our first night together he told me he was sorry, told me he had never cheated on me, other then with the porn viewing, and that he still loved me. We have been able to be intimate again, although sometimes I confess it is difficult for me. We went through some counseling and I installed a porn blocker on the computer, that only I know the password to. Some days I feel fine, like it was all a dream, like I have forgiven him and some days I am suspicious and still angry and hurt. I couldnt decide if it was better to know all the details or not, I didn’t know to what extent he was doing it and what he had seen. I would occasionally check his email, check his computer history and files, and I don’t feel guilty about that, he lost his right to privacy and to be trusted when he broke my heart. A few nights ago I came upon his google history, going back I could see that since I had confronted him he hadn’t googled anything porn related, but beyond that date, I found so many pictures and images and porn related searches. It made me want to vomit. I felt that he didnt truly understand the hurt I felt, that his looking at other women and lusting for them, was as good as cheating to me. I confronted him once again, which resulted in tears and a few more confessions. At this point I am still looking to make our marriage work, I’d like to have more children and am working on trusting and forgiving again. My body image is terrible. I have been breastfeeding now for 20 months and feel like my breast are small and deflated, my stomach isnt flat like I’d want it to be, my butt shrunk after pregnancy and is no longer round and perky, my legs are gross. I want to get over it, to love my body for giving me my daughter and being healthy but I know it isn’t like the airbrushed perfect women my husband has seen. I just want to get past this.

Updated here.

Sad Moments (Anon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Legs, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 26 Comments

Previous post here.

Hello SOAM I nvr thought id be writing soi soon, but I’ve been having some real sad moments the past few weeks, where I’ve come real close to giving up hope, with thoughts of me never regaining the confidence I once had. I’m 2 months post partum and felt better when I was 3 weeks. Some persons who see me, knowing I recently gave birth can only comment on how fat I’ve gotten. That really hurts. And even when others tell me I don’t look like I had a baby just 2 months ago, the “u look so fat” remarks are what settle.

Right now I’m at my boyfriends house, and without thought, I’m living part of a nightmare I had when I just found the stretch marks on my belly. Where I couldn’t find my self undressing in front of him any more, I’m sure he notices, We don’t live together, its a long distance relationship, so seeing each other doesn’t happen often. This visit is the first in a long while, and I’m not very excited. I just want to go home. Home, where I can be alone, and be sad by myself. Where I don’t have to worry about killing his vibe for me. Where I can look in the mirror and criticize my body.

Having a baby changes everything. I never thought it’d change so much. Never knew such a happy event could make me feel so down. I can’t help but feel extremely sad when I see the way my body went to a whole new dimension right before my eyes. It is still too early to give up hope. But some days that is exactly what I feel like doing. I evn gained weight and inches :-( . My breast are now sagging. One is way bigger than the other, I’m no longer sexually appealing.

Because of all that, I’m slowly loosing my libido. The last time we had sex was in April, at that time I was still very sexy. Now that I’ve delivered a 8lb 4oz baby, and my body gone, no doubt, my hole is bigger and he’ll hate it. He’s a man. How much longer can he go without sex? Will he enjoy it the way he did? I’m nervous. I’m sad.

Being a mother is great, knowing my baby is being nourished from the one breast tht he loves, makes me happy. Knowing tht my now ugly belly kept him safe gives me closure, n makes me know it’s like this for a beautiful reason. But at times I can’t help but feel sad.

Over the weeks, since I’m a mom, I notice that all young moms aim is to look like what they used to. I think its sad how we allow society and celebrities to dictate what we look like wen we hv kids. And hv us worried, and stressed out.

Its as if we are slaves to beauty, when true beauty comes from within, from us bearing our children. I’m greatly affected by my changed body, and there isn’t much tht I could have done differently, I would not have done anything differently. Nothing’s more important than having a healthy baby.

I’ll start exercising soon, I’m afraid I’ll get sick if I over exert my body. And then I won’t be there for my baby. So far my bf doesn’t seemed bothered by the way I look. He still assures me tht I’ll soon look the way I used to. Embracing my mommy bod, cellulite, stretch marks fat, not being able to wear a mini skirt cuz of stretch marks on my calves and thighs, not being able to wear a bikini anymore isn’t easy and I know I’ll nevr look the way I used to but I have the hope of coming close.

Ps thanks for ur encouraging coments in my previous post – Sad but not giving up hope.

1st 2 pics: me in April
3rd pic: pre preggo breasts
4th pic: breasts now
5th & 6th: belly n boobs
7th pic: me sitting down
8th pic: me in clothes
9th pic: me n my hunny bun
10th & 11th pic: thigh stretch marks
12 & 13 pic: calf stretch marks

Getting There Finally! (Heidi)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 12 Comments

Previous post here.

19 years old
1 pregnancy, 1 birth
9.5 months PP

When I first wrote back in May, I was really in a rough spot with my weight and self-esteem issues. I still don’t feel I’m at my “ideal” weight, but I do feel a lot better about myself.

My Stats as of 10/31/11:

Height:
5′ 2″ (hasn’t changed a bit, haha!)

High Weight:
157 lbs.

Weight before pregnancy:
134 lbs.

Current Weight:
129 lbs. (whoa!)

Goal Weight:
110 lbs.

I feel amazing. My self-confidence definitely has boosted a bit, as has my overall mood. I’m still breastfeeding, but mostly pumping, because my son will just NOT sit still long enough to nurse. And he BITES now. Major ouch. Little guy has 4 teeth, has been crawling for awhile, and is cruising and standing very well, but he still isn’t confident enough to walk. I’ll be in trouble when he can though!

Don’t lose hope ladies, it can be done. I finally got off my butt and started exercising and keeping track of what I ate, and the weight started to come off. A couple months ago, I’d down 4 of the huge KitKat bars (the one that is 3 normal KitKats in one) and think nothing of it. That was pretty much the same as eating about 4 Big Macs (calorie-wise) and I didn’t even notice or care! And I ate more on top of that, KitKats were just a snack. Thinking of it now disgusts me, but I can’t say I don’t still crave tons of chocolate. I’m a chocoholic, and it’s made losing weight a challenge, but I use a calorie tracker, and only eat chocolate in moderation, so I’m usually pretty good about it. I also stopped drinking pretty much everything except water. Occasionally, I’ll have a diet soda or some juice, but I’ve noticed nothing really quenches my thirst like water does.

Oh, and I realized in my previous post, it mentioned my wedding date of Nov 12th. Lol, we changed that, we’re not getting married until sometime next year (hopefully!), things have gotten rough financially. He thinks I look great, btw. I still feel I need some work, but I won’t deny I’m looking okay these days.

Time for pictures! I know a lot of ladies are interested in tummies, I know I am lol. I’m striving for as slim as I can get my tummy, but still tons of work to do there!

1st pic: Full body 9.5 months PP (kinda standing on the toilet lol)
2nd pic: Laying down tummy tum tum 9.5 months PP
3rd pic: Standing up tummy tum tum
4th pic: My fiance and I at a Halloween party
5th pic: My (little) big guy Ruskin
6th pic: What I look like clothed (standing on the toilet again, I’m short!)
7th pic: My little panda dude
8th pic: My happy family (well, I look happy, haha)

Happy Halloween everyone! Stay Strong, you’re all beautiful! xoxo

14 Months Postpartum After Second Birth (R)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Surgical Scar (Non-Cesarean), Update 3 Comments

Previous post here.

Name: R.
Age: 29
Number of births and pregnancies: 2 pregnancies, 2 births (both natural, vaginal)
Postpartum: 14 months since the youngest’s birth

I had my first child 2 1/2 years ago. I had laproscopic gall bladder removal surgery at 6 weeks postpartum.
At 11 months postpartum, I got pregnant with my second child. I am currently 14 months postpartum since the second child’s birth.

Update – Uterine Prolapse (Tosha)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update, Uterine Prolapse 6 Comments

Previous post here.

23 years old 2 pregnancies 2 births (boys 2 &4) 2 years postpartum

I have finally learned to accept my body as it is. It has brought 2 healthy happy little boys into my life & I wouldn’t trade them for the best body in the world. I’m tired of wasting my life worrying about how my body looks. My husband loves me & tells me I’m sexy everyday. Some days are better than others but if I ever get the money I’m going to get a tummy tuck & some boobs!! I am 5’7 currently 123 & range from size 1 to 5. Once again thanks to Bonnie & all you wonderful ladies who share your stories & photos!

Update (Amber)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 15 Comments

Previous post here.

My third child is now 18 months old and is finally weaned and my breasts have shrunk down to their new size from here on out. Before my pregnancies, my weight was 155 lbs, after my 2nd child weaned my weight was 135 lbs, after the 3rd child weaned, my weight is now 137 lbs. My current BMI is 20, due to the lack of fat my body has left after breastfeeding all 3 of our children (1st: 13mos, 2nd: 15 mos, 3rd: 16 mos). I never tried to lose weight, I just ate healthy, exercised lightly, and took care of my babies naturally.

If you are lose all of your baby weight like I did (and then some), your body takes on another shape – mainly there is extra skin that no longer has fat to fill it and the skin has lost it’s elasticity to snap back into shape. I was wondering if I should get breast implants to fill the skin back out, but after learning that most implants cause major scar tissue and have to be replaced at least every 10 years for the rest of your life – I decided against a boob job. Afterall, the more I looked, the more I saw that this is NORMAL – this is what mothers look like!! Their breasts are saggy, flattened, there is extra skin and you know what – that is just fine because it is a type of beauty that can only be gained from having done an excellent job creating life, selflessly giving of yourself, and I am damn proud of it! I hope my photos will empower you to appreciate your body, however nature has made it, and not feel like you need to conform to the “standard of beauty” that is commercialized.

Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful (Sia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 6 Comments

Most recent post here.

age: 18
months pp: 15 months (WOW time sure does fly!)
weight: 96 pounds

Hello again lovely ladies! This is my last update on SOAM, again I would like to say how much this website has helped me through my struggles with my pp body! All of you woman are amazing and wonderful in your own way!

I have finally reached my pre pregnacy weight! Even though my scale says the same weight, my body is still never going to be the same. And I would not have it any other way. My daughter and I have both grown tremendously. I love the life I live and love my body just as much. Being a single mother isnt always easy, but being a mother in general is the greatest gift god has ever given me. Every day is a blessing with my beautiful little girl. I have lost all my baby weight, but I still sag non the less. haha and to my miss fortune, losing the baby weight has made me lose my breasts. I have always had a flat chest but after having Kennedy, I had the boobs I had never had before. Annndddd now they are gone once more :( oh well I guess boobs were never supposed to be in my cards. At least I save 10 bucks on bras by being able to buy them in the little girls section instead of the juniors/womans. Always a bright side to everything!! I am not going to go on a rant, as I have in my past posts. The only message I have from this post is to love your body, not matter what size and shape.I realized how much time I wasted on wishing I was thinner. Because when I look back, I dont think about how much I hated the way I looked, I think about how my daughter has grown and how smart she has become and how beautiful she is growing up to be. Be your own kind of beautiful, because we are all beautiful! Every woman is, wheather they have bared a child or not. Our bodies dont define how beautiful we are. Nor does our weight. WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. Ok so I went on a little rant ;) thanks for reading!!

Sad But Not Giving Up Hope (Anon)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

I’m writing to you all the from Jamaica. I’m 23 years old and 3 weeks 1 day postpartum. Maybe its too early for me to submit my story since I’ve not yet healed properly, but I just wna share my story.

Also, I must say that I read the stories of other strong beautiful mothers daily. Its very encouraging and helps me to embrace my body. So maybe my story will encourage you. My mother also encourages me a lot. She has 3 of us, when she was my age (23) she was done with kids. She is still suffering with her image and insomnia to this day. But no one knows unless she tells them. When she sees her children, all grown up, she says she’s nevr been happier.

I got pregnant December last year for my boyfriend of 2 yrs, I nevr wanted kids, I love my freedom, and loved my body even more. It made me, me. A confident individual. A bit too confident maybe. Before getting pregnant I was 137 pounds, 182 pounds at 39 weeks. I’m 5’5″. During my pregnancy I worried about stretch marks, the most, I rubbed my belly with olive oil and cocoa butter almost evry day. Initially, I had a small belly, at 6 months my fundal height was 13 inches. In just a few weeks my belly skyrocketed. At first they came on my sides. They were real small, and right before my eyes, they exploded. I thought I cud wrk with tht. But not on my belly please stay away. I also got them on my legs and calves. But not my belly.

I was happy that my chances of escaping stretch marks on my belly. At 38 weeks pregnant my doc said he’d induce me at 39 weeks. My baby’s head was in the birth canal, and could come at anytime, I lived abt 45 mins from the hospital, he didn’t want any accidents, so thts the reason I was induced.

I got home from my 38 week check up, laying in bed, my mom expressed shock, she saw lines on my belly, one more week to go, and they had to show up there ugly selves. I cried that night. I was crushed. Depressed. My mother comforted me, told me wen I have my baby I’ll appreciate it. I started having nightmares, because I was so deep in thought tht my bf may not want me any more. He nver liked big girls. I told him how I felt, told him my nightmares. He told me id be fine and should not worry. When he saw the marks, he laughed and asked me if that was really why I was behaving like that. It made me smile. He even bought me oils and creams tht would help get them off. I’ve not seen any improvements yet, but its just been 3 weeks. 6 days after giving birth I weighed 165 pounds.
My boyfreind tells me to be patient, and tht I’ll be fine. Even though my body won’t go back to normal, I’m now a mother, so I’ll hv a body thts considered normal for my new role in life.

I had a problem free pregnancy, smooth delivery. Painful, but worth evry second, I thank God.
I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy weighing 8 pounds 4 ounces on the 9th of september, 10 days before my 23rd bday, the 19-9. I love him so much, he has made me appreciate life so much more, he makes me smile evryday. I’m happy I have him. And evry one says he looks just like me.
I promise to keep u posted.

The first 3 pics: pre preggo
4th: day after delivery
5th: 10 days after delivery
6th: 11 days after delivery
7th: side stretch marks
8th: full body
9 & 10th: 2 weeks 3 days after delivery, belly up close
11th: my sweetie pie
12 &13: 38 & 39 weeks

Updated here.

How can I love my new body? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Legs, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 11 Comments

~Age:17
~Number of pregnancies and births:1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 monnths PP

I got pregnant at 16 with a beautiful baby boy. hes my world.. before getting pregnant I weighed 115 pounds and I am 5″6. wasnt fat looking just normal size. After i had my son i was breastfeeding for about 2 months. I liked it but i was so busy taking care of him and everything and he was very colicy i had to stop at 2 months. I never ate hardly anything due to always cleaning and stuff when he slept which was a bad idea.. now i currently weigh 98 pounds. i had some stretch marks before pregnancy on my upper legs and outter lower legs around my knees.. due to growth spurt and gaining alittle weight when my dad died. now i have them on my butt,boobs,stomach,behind my knees,calfs,and lots on my inner legs.. if i didnt have these stretch marks i would be so happy… i try bio oil,cocoa butter, bio lotions, baby oil, vitamin e oil , etc… i will continue using bio oil to say i atleast tried hard… but i really wish they would go away!! i look at them all the time… they make me really upset and cry sometimes. i also use a dermaroller on them… it hurts but its worth it.. i find it made them look alittle better. my boyfriend and i always argue he says they “arent that bad” but they are!! they are ALL over my inner legs.. and i really want to wear shorts.. *sigh*

Updated here.

They Say it Takes Nine Months (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 10 Comments

Previous posts start here.

23 years old
one pregnancy, one birth (an adorable son)
I’m now 9 months postpartum. I have a few dresses: size 6, size 8, size 9. I have several jeans: size 8, size 9, size 10, size 13. I have shirts: S, M, L. I am between an A cup and a B cup. I am five foot seven inches and 160 lbs. My measurements are 36 (34A)-28.5-43. Dark brown hair. Blue green eyes.

What do these numbers mean? What do they make me?
They can’t give you any insights into my character.
They can’t tell you that I can hoist 250lbs+ with my “thunder thighs”.
They can’t describe the work I put in to do pull-ups.
They can’t tell you I have an IQ of 153. Or that I love books. Or that I have a warped, twisted sense of humor and love to laugh.
They can’t describe the lengths I will go to in order to help my friends: midnight phone calls, trips to the ER, “cheer-up” trips, lending money.

They don’t give you any idea of the pain I’ve felt in just the last nine months: my grandmother dying, an old friend writing me a good-bye e-mail and committing suicide before I could do anything, another friend lost both legs and an arm in Iraq, I worried about another friend possibly committing suicide, I worried about my own health postpartum, I worried about my relationship with my husband, I worried about my own body and attractiveness.

Those numbers won’t do you any good in telling you how I’ve battled an eating disorder for over a decade, or how I overcame the desire to self-injure years ago.

They also won’t do any good in telling you that I love comedy, drama, action, animals, psychology, running, swimming.

They won’t describe the incredible relationship I have with my husband or the overwhelming love we both have for our son.

THESE NUMBERS DON’T tell you anything IMPORTANT about me.

They say it takes nine months for your body to “go back to the way it was.” I respectfully disagree. My body is different, not less attractive nor more attractive. It’s very close to how I was pre-pregnancy, but I recognize the subtle differences in my curves and various lumps and bumps :) I looked in the mirror yesterday morning and saw my body as a whole instead of the usual random conglomeration of body parts haphazardly sewn together like some kind of disproportionate frankenstein. I am not the sum of round arms, chubby legs, lovehandles, thick calves, and a soft-but-toned stomach. I am just ME. And I say take ME as I am, because I don’t want part of any friendship or acquaintance with anyone who thinks a person can be summarized by a small, narrow scope provided by a few numbers.

I am beautiful. And my stretch marks and scars only add to my beauty and uniqueness as a person. I am happy with myself, and I hope that all you ladies on this site can find your own beauty too.