Update

Second Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

age: 25
pregnancies: 1
births: 1
age of child: 2 1/2

Previous entries here and here.

My daughter will be three in December, which I cannot believe lol. I am finally almost back to my pre-baby weight. I now weight 168 (158) before baby. I am so happy to getting close to my old self. I was scared there for a while that I would never lose the weight and just stuck in that body. I still am not “happy” with the way I look, I’m soft and jiggle a lot, but it could be worse. I know I have to try and find myself beautiful before anyone else can. I do love this site and look at it daily. It just so awesome to be able to look and see other peoples stories and know your not alone! And thank you everybody for sharing your stories and you are all beautiful!

I Still Can’t Believe It (Lucia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breastfeeding, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 10 Comments

20 yrs old
1 pregnancy 1 birth
8 weeks pp

My story is short, I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend noticed before I did. I had a rather easy pregnancy, no nausea but lots of heartburn, I started swelling after week 31 and for some reason I had a pretty small belly and started showing at 6 months. In one of our first appointments the doctor said I wouldn’t show a lot because my abdominal muscles were really strong… I honestly don’t know how that happened since I haven’t worked out since junior high and even then it was 70 minutes every week, and I went to great lengths to avoid it.

I ate as healthy as I could, I drank as much water as my shrinking bladder would allow me, I put lotion on once a day, too lazy for more and against all advice I scratched my belly like a madman the last month. I went into labor naturally at 39 weeks and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy who was 7 pounds 10 ounces. It was traumatizing, I got an epidural and it only worked on the right side of my body, I could feel everything in the other side, at some point while I was pushing, right in the middle of a contraction
I heard scissors, I was deadly afraid of having an episiotomy and damn right! It hasn’t quite healed yet…

I look in the mirror now and I can’t believe I had a baby, my hips are a little wider and my boobs a little bigger but the rest is the same. I didn’t get any stretch marks and my skin popped right back when I was a week pp, I can’t believe my feet are not swollen and that I can actually see the lower side of my belly, I can’t believe I have my body back, so familiar from my crooked navel to the stretch marks I always had on my butt and my third nipple (which also got darker and bigger, lol)

I hold my baby and I still can’t believe has real, I can’t believe we are over all of the issues we had with nursing, I see how big hes getting and I cant believe its still all me, no bottles, no formula, just me. I was so afraid my boobs would sag, I had thought about nursing him for only a year, then I found out the recommended minimum is two years and I was ok with that and its been such an amazing experience that I think ill just let him wean on his own, even if my breasts end up hanging so low then can sit on my
knees! It will be absolutely worth it.

Pics are me the day i went into labor, me and my little man, me at 1 week pp, me at 8 weeks and my cute little bunny the day we first took him out for a stroll

Updated here.

A Few Years On, Another Long Post (Jo)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 29 Comments

~Age: 40
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies and 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Age 4 and 2
(almost 2 years post-partum)

It has taken me a while to come up with the courage to post this, but it marks the beginning of the new me as I can no longer carry on being the old me.

I have posted before …

Unfortunately the photos no longer appear and I no longer have them after my computer was stolen. Needless to say, I looked better then than I do after 2 children. The scars you see on my body explained in
my previous post. I don’t want to explain them again.

Following the birth of my first child I suffered with severe post-natal depression. It didn’t happen straight away but when my daughter was around 8 months old. After a long time caring for my daughter, with my husband overseas, my family living half way round the world, trying to hold down a job when my daughter kept getting sick at childcare mentally I broke down.

My husband returned from overseas to a mental wreck. I was slowly recovering when I accidentally fell pregnant with no. 2. This was the first time we had unprotected sex in our twenty year relationship. My
husband, on the few occasions we chose not to use a condom, would normally withdraw. This time, without consultation he failed to withdraw. I was 38 years old and I wasn’t ready for a child but spiritually I couldn’t face terminating the pregnancy.

So pregnant and still suffering from PPD I carried on… my relationship with my husband has slowly disintegrated as I loathed the person I had become. I didn’t like my depressed personality, the flabby mothers body that failed to birth my first child as it should, failed to feed her. I suffer from horrendous PMT which only serves to make matters worse. I chose an elective c-section for my second. It wasn’t what I wanted but I knew I couldn’t take my body failing to do what it should again and it also meant I could schedule help on a planned birth day.

I’ve found coping with another child that I knew I wasn’t ready for very, very hard.

I look at my body and I don’t know who’s it is. I don’t recognise it.

I don’t know who I am either but for sure for someone who is married with 2 children I know I am intensely lonely.

So today – I say goodbye to this body and I decide to work to loose the excess flab and maybe I can find the old me … and get back my husband .. my life.

First Time Mom at 31 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 10 Comments

I have NEVER found myself attractive. I always thought,, once i accept the fact that I’m an unattractive person,,I would feel much better about myself and not worry about it so much. For some reason though, I got a decent amount of attention from boys,, I was the funny girl, but was too shy to really ever commit to a relationship. Had my first real kiss at 19, and tried to make it to marriage before having sex. I was 26 and he ended up being the man I was dreaming about. We’ve now been married almost four years :) I have always been petite with a flat stomach and a big round booty. I even adopted the nickname J.Lo. My husband has been a big self-esteem booster, always calling me little pet names like sexybutt and beautiful. But I’ve still never felt that way about myself. No Biggie I thought. After two years of wonderful marriage, we decided to start trying to get pregnant. Me not getting any younger at the age of 29 and him only 25. I’ve always LOVED children. They are so fun and spontaneous and just themselves. I taught Sunday school and worked with teens in church and have always been a kid at heart. Thought I would love being a mom and be a great one at that.After six months of trying, i was getting very discouraged, no one blood related to me ever had a problem getting pregnant, and it seemed every time i would start my cycle, some young girl with no boyfriend, or friend who wasnt even trying would announce their pregnancy. I tried to remain positive , but it was very hard,, finally after a year of trying, i found out I was pregnant!! We and our families were so happy. Everything was going smoothly, no morning sickness, a healthy amount of weight gain. Then with my glucose screening, found out I had gestational diabetes. I was heartbroken and felt like a failure. My husband and family were very supportive and things started going smoothly again. I wanted to have as natural a birth as possible. I wasnt happy when i found out that they wouldnt let me go past my due date,, and that inductions can sometimes lead to C sections. I took very good care of myself,, watching my diet and exercising. I gained a total of 26 pounds.. starting at 102 lbs at five feet tall. My water broke six days before my due date! I was soooo happy! 10 hours of labor later,, and still only dialated 3, i was NOT. I had a 101 temperature and was getting pumped full of antibiotics and was now put on a Pitocin drip. After two hours of that and only dialated to four,, I decided to get the epidural. I wanted to be strong for pushing. Which would never happen. My fever went up to 102 and my cervix was beginning to swell. After 18 hours of labor and a dialation of 7, they decided on a C section. I wanted to cry, but I also wanted my baby to be safe and healthy. My operation was done in under a half an hour and I got to meet my Beautiful baby girl weighing 6.5 lbs!!! She was finally here.

Recovery was hard,, but with a wonderful husband, supportive friends and family and God,, I made it through PPD without any medication. I now am working through a big battle with my self esteem. This site has already helped me soooo much! I still have about five pounds to lose. The scar doesnt really bother me,, but my softer boobs,, extra cellulite and pouchy belly do. I have posted pics of full term pregnancy,,, one of 4 weeks pp holding my girl and now 3 months pp. You are all awesome! Thanks for sharing your stories and being an encouragement to all these mothers! God Bless!

Updated here.

One Year After a Cesarean–Update (Colleen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 16 Comments

Previous posts here and here.

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births:one pregnancy, one birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 year post-partum

When I did my first post at 3 weeks postpartum, I figured I’d wait to do another when my daughter was a year old and I had made some progress. Her birthday’s was two weeks ago and very little progress has been made (at least physically—daily life got in the way!), but here it goes anyway.

I fluctuated between 138 and 142ish before I got pregnant, and was 176 pounds the morning I delivered. By 3 weeks postpartum, I was down to 155—and still am. While I don’t mind that much, it’s frustrating because I’ve actually GAINED some weight back in the last month or so. I had been at 150 for a while. I think that as my little one eats more food and nurses less, I’m just not burning as many calories, and haven’t adjusted my food intake accordingly.

I have wanted to work out. I want to be in shape and have energy and not get tired doing the simplest tasks. The universe (and money) seem to be against me in this. We do not have the money to join a gym. It seems simple enough to take walks outside with the baby in a stroller, but first we had an abnormally snowy winter, and now we’re having an abnormally hot summer (we broke 5 heat records in the month of June alone). The nearest mall is 25 minutes away. Jogging is out of the question because I can’t afford a specialty-sized sports bra (which I need). Finally I discovered that if I squeeze myself into two of my old sports bras they’re supportive enough, and I bought a pilates DVD. I have yet to try it, but I’m excited to finally be doing SOMETHING.

What I haven’t done physically I have made up in thinking in the past year…about body image, about childbirth and what makes a birth “perfect” or not. Seventeen of my friends have had babies since my daughter was born. Many of them are less-than-satisfied with their mommy bodies. I find myself repeating the “9 months on, 9 months off” mantra at least once a week. It really makes me wonder why we seem to think that our bodies HAVE to look the same after having a baby. Why is the stick-thin non-curvy teenage figure so desirable? Why do so many women reject the changes that their babies have wrought on them? When, exactly, did the ability to wear a bikini become the measure by which we judge our attractiveness? And why are only “perfect” women allowed to wear bikinis? So few people have that body, so why do we look askance at the REAL women who dare to bare it all (er…most of it)?

Somewhere along the line I developed an amazing sense of self confidence. I am happy with my body, extra belly fat and jiggly butt included, about 98% of the time. I find myself looking in the mirror sometimes and admiring my figure. My husband helps; he still finds me irresistible. There are moments, though, when I am disgusted by the fat that didn’t used to be there. I tend to get down a lot when I’m around my sisters. They both have a completely different body type than I (long legs and very slender vs. long torso and curvy), and are obsessed with fitness and eating well. I compare my size 10 H-cup self to a 2 and a 4 A/B-cup and end up feeling like a big tub of lard. I realize I’m not big but it’s easy to feel that way around them. I’m hoping the pilates will help.

What I find myself wondering, though, is if my self-confidence is truly a belief that I am beautiful, or is born of the fact that my body bounced back really well? If I was carrying an extra 40 pounds and covered in stretch marks, would I feel this well? I don’t know. I will have to wait and see what happens in subsequent pregnancies to find out. I hope that I can continue to feel good about myself no matter what happens.

When my daughter was 6 months old, a friend of mine had an emergency cesarean at 27 weeks, and her son died 2 ½ hours later. It rocked me to the core. It made me realize how lucky I am to have a happy, healthy baby, despite complications and despite her method of arrival. It made me appreciate how very lucky I am to HAVE the option of a VBAC, because my friend had a vertical internal incision and will now never be allowed to go into labor. She gave me the idea of becoming a birth doula to help other women to achieve their desired births. I’m still considering it (it’s probably not feasible with my current circumstances), but I really like the idea.

Not a day goes by that I am not utterly amazed at this tiny little person that my body grew and nourished (IS nourishing). She was exclusively breastfed until 6 months and never got formula. We just put her on whole milk a week ago, and I’m in the process of weaning her. She is happy and healthy and full of life. Often times my husband and I find ourselves sitting with her between us just talking about how much we love her. I am looking for a full-time job and it breaks my heart to think of leaving my sweet baby with a stranger all day long. She is worth the stretch marks on my butt and the saggy mess that my breasts are going to be in a month or two. She’s worth the two extra pants sizes and the difficulty with finding shirts that fit. She’s even worth the cesarean scar. I cannot wait to do it all again (except hopefully without the cesarean the next time).

Pictures:
1. The night before my cesarean (what you can’t see is that my shirt was laying on the ground next to me because I had an IV in my other arm, and couldn’t get the shirt off over the IV pole!)
2-5. One year and two weeks post-partum.
6. The joy of my life.

Updated here.

Written on my heart (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 14 Comments

Previous entry here.

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 year old and 4 months old

Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who has a changed body from pregnancy. I thought that because I was young when I had my children that I would look just like I did before I became pregnant very soon after. I saw pictures of a friend on vacation 6 weeks after having her son wearing a string bikini and looking like she had walked right out of an airbrushed magazine. Shortly after, another friend had a baby. I went to visit her ten days after she had given birth and she told me she weighed 15 lbs less than before she got pregnant. She looked amazing. I thought that going back to picture perfect meant success, and that if that did not happen that something was wrong with me. I thought that it meant that I was somehow acceptable and worthy if I looked as great as some people do. I based my self worth on the expectations I held for myself that were so unrealistic. I know some girls are very lucky and can go through pregnancy and birth with their bodies untouched but that is not true for most. I guess the way I have come to think of it now is that you have got to be happy with what you have and not feel less because you do not look like someone else. This body is the only body I will have and the sooner I can learn to love it, the sooner I can truly enjoy the blessings in my life. If I am looking down at the flaws I see, how can I look outwards and enjoy those around me? I am still on this journey to love myself but in my heart I know that it is worth it to counter what the media is saying to me so I can feel like I am whole and I am worthy, but most of all for my daughters who are looking at me through innocent eyes. They see me looking in the mirror pinching my sides, they see me rubbing my fingers along the imprints on my skin from stretching, they see me scrutinizing myself and they hear the ugly words I use to put down the body that gave them life and wrapped around their tiny bodies to keep them safe. They don’t see a body wrecked as I often do, they see their mother, their protector, the arms that hold them when they are scared, the breasts that nourish them and give them comfort. Their tiny fingers trace the marks on my belly as I tell them about the day I first knew they were going to be, how the tears choked me as I held my unmarked belly overwhelmed by the amazing miracle that was happening. I watched as the months went by in both pregnancies and changed my body and grew my babies well. I remember the quiet moments after their births when we could not believe that they were here, they were real. The marks on my body were proof that I was not dreaming. The marks remind me of the amazing miracles that started so small that no one knew but their father and I until they grew big enough to make their presence known. They tell a story of the kind of love that cannot be explained, it’s the kind of love that is written on a mothers heart like braille. The love of a mother for her child is a bond that cannot be broken, it is a love that is unchanging, it is both fierce and gentle. It is the kind of love that fuses two souls for eternity. The physical act of sharing your body with a precious angel is not something to take lightly, it is one of the greatest of human experiences. So these marks I often scrutinize are not making me less worthy or less whole, in fact, I feel more whole now, I have been so blessed to experience a love I never knew possible.

Updated here.

Finally, Confidence! (Autumn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: He’s 4, will be 5 years on September 22nd

I’ve posted here numerous times, my previous entries:

Autumn
Stretch Marked Legs
Happy With My Body
Breasts, Acceptance

This update is to show how my body has changed, yet again. I was married to my son’s father, not really a happy marriage and the depression that came with it caused me to gain weight unrelated to my son. This weight gain and weight loss (I am now divorcing his father and have lost 25 lbs.) caused my breasts to sag a little more, but my stretch marks have faded an amazing amount.

I have started seeing someone new. Yesterday, we were all together when my son called me by my first name. My boyfriend looks at me and says, “He calls you Autumn and you don’t mind?” I said to him, “It doesn’t bother me, I know I’m his mother. I have the scars to prove it!”

He replied, “And they’re good scars, too, baby.”

I have to say, I completely agree with him. I can finally say that I don’t think there’s a darn thing wrong with me. I have never felt more attractive and I’ve never been more confident in myself. I’ll take feeling like this over my perfect teenage body any day of the week!

Another Update (Dolly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Submissions, Update 3 Comments

Previous posts here and here.

After a few years we have decided to try again. In April 2010 (6 weeks) I found out that I was pregnant again. The same day I went in to get my IUD removed I started to miscarry, I again became pregnant June 2010 (again at 6 weeks)and miscarried again . So I now have 3 babies in Heaven. I do not plan to stop trying but will continue to hope for more. My two kids at home are now 6 and 7 and If God NEVER gave me another baby to bring home I will still be grateful for all my babies and for the time I did have.

Update! Slowly learning to love my new body! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

I had posted 10 months ago about how much I hated my body and how much I envied all of the thin girls I see day in and day out. I am proud to say (although I have not lost a single pound) I am now slowly learning to love my body and be proud of it! I took this picture and keep it with me to look at when I’m feeling down or ugly. For some reason I just feel so good about it! I know I’m nowhere near where I want to be but I think I’m finally ok with it! Hopefully things will just keep getting better and better from here!

~Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 20 months

081210-anon-1

A Healthier Lifestyle (Georgia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 9 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

Age: 25
Pregnancies: 1 Births: 1
Weeks PP – 13

I thought I would give another update on how things are going. Im 13 weeks post partum. Loving every minute of being a mommy. I have lost all of my pregnancy weight, plus 8 pounds more. I have been doing, Lindsay Brins postnatal bootcamp dvd workout. Saved my life! Lol.

My husband and I decided 3 months ago to change our lifestyle. Get in better shape and eat better, so we can be healthier for our son. He lost 20 pounds and is very fit now, I lost 15 pounds and have trimmed up a bit. There are still good days and bad days. Sometimes Im like “Whos breasts are those? So deflated and soft..” and “Why wont the layer of fat on my tummy go away?!” other days I think “Im looking pretty dang good for 13 weeks PP..” .. I think no matter what we will have these good days and bad days.

I hope someday when I have a daughter.. my unhealthy relationship with my body will have changed.. I never want her to think shes not good enough. I want to show her how to live a healthy lifestyle and love herself. My mother never showed me that.

Anyway this will be my last update until 1 year post partum.

Pictures: My before and afters (1 week PP and 13 weeks PP), my son, my son and I, and my little family. ( If you want pics of me pre baby, please see my previous posts =) )

Thanks for reading! and hang in there ladies! Remember: “Be miserable or motivate yourself, whatever has to be done, its always your choice..”


Updated here.