Hidden Forever (Anonymous)

Hi there i am 29yrs of age with 4 children and one on the way. Before i started having children i was concerned about wearing shorts or bikini’s at the pool.

Jeez i wish i did. I was only 15 when i had my first, didn’t really get to know who i was or be happy with myself at all, only now am i starting to feel happy and unconcerned of what others think of my body. Its me that’s more concerned, For once in my life i wish i could have a normal stomach,hips breast. I really want to feel beautiful on the outside because as a mother i feel that i have concurred the in side of me and i just want to feel complete and proud. Its upsetting to know that no matter how much exercise i do im still going to have that extra skin just reminding me that i will never get that back. My daughter (13) is amazing she and her brother’s 10,6,3 always have been the shade cloth over my eye’s telling me that it doesn’t really matter and i feel selfish that i’m so concerned about it. To be honest just wanna wear a bikini with a smile lol. These photo’s are of me now 4 1/2 months pregnant.

Struggling With My Stomach! (Amy)

I’ve just found this site after searching for many online like it, I must say it has opened my eyes to see just how many other women have issues about their post birth bodies.

I am 18 years old, I had my son at 17 years old via emergency c section. I weighed 8st 9lb when I got pregnant and by the end of pregnancy had put on 49lbs (3 1/2st). He is 13 months old now, and I feel for this amount of time my stomach should look better than it does now, I still look pregnant. Obviously I knew my body would change however I wasn’t prepared for the battering that this would take on my confidence and my relationship. My body in the least selfish way possible affects many areas of my life. The appearance is the usual, stretch marks and stuck out belly, however having diastasis recti to quite a bad degree it has left my belly button caved in and this awful wrinkling above and below the belly button. As I say I still look pregnant just relaxing however when I contract tummy muscles in (doesn’t hurt at all) I look slim again (just creates more wrinkling) but with clothes on you obviously can’t see this so that’s how I walk round all of the time pulling in my muscles. It’s a shame I think I have to do this. Don’t know if anybody can relate ? If there’s hope?

I do want surgery however I am young and want another child in 4 years + time, so I didn’t want to pay for surgery and then get pregnant and something happen to need it again. It’s just living with it day to day in the mean time.

My Stomach Looks Distorted (Rebecca)

Postpartum-3 years

Hey there ladies! First off I’d like to say that I love this site and what its all about!! So, here’s my story. I gave birth to my first child,stillborn, at the age of 14. I was very petite, had a flat stomach,small boobs, and a bubble butt. I delivered Benny @ 7.5 months…..my stomach bounced back right away, but because I did go through a natural labor, my breast still filled with milk
and went from a 34 A to a DD which left me with very stretched out, saggy, dark nipple breasts. I later became pregnant with my second son Jody, at the age of 16 and birthed him @ 17….weighing in @ 8.5 oz. Throughout my whole pregnancy with him, I was smooth sailing….eating whatever I wanted when I wanted….thinking “oh, well since im still young and I already know that my body will bounce back- I don’t HAVE TO take precaution because I’ve been through this already.” BOY WAS I WRONG!!!! my pre-pregnancy weight was 112(I was actually struggling to gain weight,as I wanted to be “thick” like the other girls..which I some what did!!! I had finally fit into a size 3.yayyy!!!) flat stomach, ruined breast…with the same bubble butt. So I started @ 112….finished off the pregnancy @ 160(roughly) this left my stomach in a horrific sight!!!! After I delivered….. My stomach wasn’t huge anymore so I automatically felt “sexy” again. A few weeks later when the whole parenting thing was set….I started focusing on my body! I was so depressed..I cried and cried for days straight, having pity parties and constantly reminding myself that I WILL NEVER look as good as ANY OTHER FEMALE WHO EXISTED ON PLANET EARTH. 3 years later….I still have a hard time looking in the mirror and believing the compliments people give me, especially my BD (we’ve gone through the whole ” why the fuck do u have to look @ porn when I’m right here motherfucker!!! WHAT? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!!) Its better….but we still can’t watch rated R movies that show the perfect bitches. I still have a lot of learning to do to be confident with who I am, how I’ve changed, and accepting the wrinkling skin that I’m in. I find myself seriously considering surgery.

My stats before/after: 112/140; size3/size9 ;34A/34B (stretch marks, saggy, forever cursed with large dark nipples) ; firm body& confidence/ very loose jiggly body with very low confidence. I can’t help but to compare myself to EVERY WOMAN, especially the ones close to my age (21) and feel nothing but envy. They can wear bikinis and crop tops and look great…me on the other hand…. … *tears* will never know how that feels. I pretty much feel like a fat girl trapped in a skinny girls body. I can’t wear what I’m attracted to because its meant for girls who have nice bodies. I hope to one day, get off my ass, get back into sports…..exercise and quit throwing pity parties in fitting rooms. Any words of advice??

4 Weeks After Second C-Section (Heather)

4 weeks after second c-section

Hi ladies. I’m 26 years old and this is my second baby. My first was at 19. Both have been c-sections.

I started pregnancy 1 at 145 pounds (athlete). I was a size 4/6. I finished that pregnancy at 185, size 16.

I got some stretch marks in that pregnancy. I lost the weight in 9 months through fairly hard exercise (1 hour cardio 6x week) and a 1200-1800 calorie a day diet. It SUCKED. I also got 550cc implants to restore my breast fullness about 3 years post-partum. (Silicone under muscle for those wondering).

When I got pregnant this time I vowed not to gain the weight and hired a trainer. I worked out until 7 months and ate fairly well. I went from 135-170 this time. Interestingly, I did not get stretch marks.

These pictures are at 4 weeks after this pregnancy. The “before” one is in between pregnancies. I destroyed all my old PP pictures sadly…

In these pictures I am 147 lbs. 12 pounds over my goal. Currently a 6/8, 38-28-38. I seem to get pregnant in my ass…wow…not liking the size of it or the weird over the hips fat. However I know that patience is key and hopefully in 9 months from now I’ll be back into a 2/4.

Right now I’m walking an hour a day until I’m cleared for workouts and averaging 1800 calories a day, not breastfeeding.

I truly believe there is very little a person can do to control their body in pregnancy. Everything is genetics, well part how you take care of yourself but mostly genetics. For that reason we need to be easy on ourselves. I’m fairly ok with my outcome but I am VERY critical of my body so any weight is a struggle. Women are crazy like that, totally too hard on ourselves :)

Working out and trying to love myself again. (Anonymous)

age: 19
children: 2 1/2 year old.

Previous post here.

I’ve been trying to take each day one day at a time.. I am now parentless. my dad passed away when I was 11, my mom last april. both to lung& brain cancer. Ive had lots of drama and had to put my sons father in jail for abuse. I recently moved to where my dad grew up to live with my step aunt& uncle. things didn’t work out there, now I am at a two bed apartment with my son. I am attending college for a free prep program so I can go into nursing or dental. 4 days a week and my son is in a home daycare, he likes it, im glad. I excersise every morning a cardio & night a weight lifting.. ive became an over excersiser since my mom passed away.. its like something to do.. then got into restrict & binging, it wasn’t good at all got to 92lbs and that left with bad inner thigh marks as shown in the picture.. I am now 114 lbs.. gained all that within 3 months from my grandpas sweets… I am now a beach body coach and I want to help other mothers learn to love their body as my journey moves along also.

I am currently getting a treatment called Derma pen to see if itll help my inner thigh stretchmarks… just had my second treatment. I will take pictures after my last one is complete in 5 months.

I love reading all of your stories and I hope I can help some <3 [gallery][gallery ids="11976,11977,11978"]

Always Insecure (Ashlin)

I’m not sure how to begin this, I have started an entry only to delete it I don’t know how many times out of fear… So I guess I’ll start by saying Hi :) My name is Ashlin, I am 21 years old. I spent most of my teen years taking care of my mom and little sister. My mom has had MS since I was born. When I was 14 her doctors put her through chemo treatments hoping it would slow the progression of MS. It did the opposite, she went downhill so fast. It killed me to watch my best friend lying there with her legs curled up to her chest, not even able to remember my name, and having the doctors tell me they didn’t think she’d “last very long.” I’m shaking just typing this, it still infuriates me. Anyways that was a very dark time in my life. I started self harm, eating disorders and isolating myself from everyone close to me. Everyone was telling me the one person who was always there, always loved me was going to either never be who she used to be or was just going to die. I didn’t want to be alive anymore. That’s when I met my husband, he helped me stop harming myself and supported me through the eating disorders. Shortly after, my mom started to slowly recover. When I found out I was pregnant at 16 all I could think was how I was going to tell her. How could I do this to her? I was scared it would crush her. I had so much guilt and anger and sadness built up inside. I waited as long as I could to tell her, when I did she cried a little but as always she supported me, through the whole pregnancy, and delivery, she was there, I named my daughter after her…Somehow I never realized just how much influence my mom has had on my life until writing this.. Anyways 2 years later we found out we were pregnant with baby number two. We thought were going to have another little girl whose name was going to be Hope, but in the delivery room “she” ended up being a he. Best surprise ever. :) Before My pregnancies I weighed 135lbs, After my second pregnancy I weighed 161lbs. I was happy with everything except my body. My husband loved it, but I had SO many stretch marks and so much saggy skin and no boobs… I couldn’t bare to look at myself. When my son was a year old I decided to do something about it so I worked my butt off and lost 40 lbs. I can still only see the old me in the mirror, I don’t see any differences most of the time. Although some days I feel better about myself than other days. I know the most important thing is my beautiful healthy babies, and if the most perfect little people in the world think I’m beautiful then that’s all that matters. :) The first picture is my momma and my son, The second is me a year PP, the third picture is just showing how deep my marks are, the fourth picture is my now the fifth is my beautiful babies :) My babies are 1 and 2

My Tears (Anonymous)

I came across this website after following a link at the bottom of an article on government fiscal policy of all things.

Without reading a single story, just the opening statement, I found myself in tears. Not a soft, delicate, salty trickle of shared sadness, but a harsh, tsunami of tears, so hot I thought my cheeks would blister. If my reaction to this site took anyone by surprise, it was certainly myself. But with those tears came a sudden epiphany – a deep and startlingly profound understanding of myself, and how I see myself and, hence, my world.

I have always had body image issues. As a young teen I was a curvy, top heavy size 12 and my friends model thin, flat chested size 6 and 8. There has never been a time in my life where I haven’t been focussed on my weight, my size or my shape to one degree or another, and not in a positive way. When I look back now, I am amazed at how good I looked as a teen and I feel sadness that I was so obsessed with wanting to be Kate Moss thin like my friends that I didn’t appreciate how healthy and normal I was.

I had my first child at 19, my second at 22, my third at 31. Each pregnancy saw me stay a little heavier and my body shape change a little more, but I wasn’t obsessed by it, even though I was still always dieting and wanting to look better and thinner. Overall it was ok – my, then, husband liked my body, I was still a size 13/14, and my baby pouch which had nurtured our three babies, was just a part of me.

When my marriage failed everything changed. I found myself in another relationship with an attractive, successful and yet, on reflection, controlling and misogynistic man who had me constantly apologising for my weight and size and just about every other aspect of me. When I fell pregnant naturally at age 43, he stopped touching me – wouldn’t come near me, all physical, and emotional, connection ceased suddenly, and he started a string of affairs with numerous women that continued until I left the relationship with an 18 month old baby and a very differently sized and shaped body. If I thought my body changed after pregnancy in my 20’s and 30’s I didn’t know what to think about the changes from a pregnancy and a natural birth in my early 40’s.

I’ve been living on my own for a year now, but in reality I’ve been alone for three, and if I am honest much longer, as I now know the affairs started before the pregnancy. I suffered severe post natal depression, which continues now as just regular garden variety depression since my daughter is now 26 months old.

Every aspect of my life has deteriorated, including my once successful career, and relationships with my older children, family and friends have been affected and infected as I have isolated myself. I have no confidence, no self esteem, no value in myself. The simple act of dressing every morning is an emotional hurdle finding something to wear that “minimises my fatness”.

I feel inferior to colleagues at work, embarrassed taking my daughter to toddler dance class because of what the other mothers might think of me, I avoid time with dear old school friends because I am embarrassed. I would like an intimate relationship, but can’t even contemplate that a man I would find attractive would even give me a second look – overweight, cellulite, saggy breasts and a, now, very pronounced baby pouch.

If the father of my child rejects me because of how I look, how my body is, how can I expect anyone else to accept me

My epiphany is that I suddenly realised I have allowed the loathing and hate I have for my body to determine the self-image I have in every aspect of my life. And that’s stupid. How I look doesn’t affect my skill at work, or the love I have for my children and family or the quality of my friendships. I’ve spent the last few years investing in tummy tamers, hold me in undies and fantasising about affording a boob job, tummy tuck, arm thinning, liposuction and a multitude of other surgeries to make me “acceptable” to the world.

The reality is, if I do not love me, I can never let anyone else love me. Self-sabotage is a vicious disease.
My body tells my story –every bump, lump, lovehandle, stretchmark and wrinkle – but it does not define who I am. If people can’t see beyond the lumps and bumps on my body that tell my story they doesn’t deserve to be part of that story

I need to see beyond the lumps and bumps on my body that tell my story. I need to accept and love and like myself.
And I suspect that there are going to be a lot more tears before I can do that.


8 Years Later (Autumn)

Previous post here.

My name is Autumn. I’ve posted here a few times but figured I’d show the progression of my belly a good while after having my son.

I am about to turn 26, my son is about to turn 8. I’d like to say I’m 100% happy with my body, 100% of the time… But I wouldn’t be being honest. I still have my good days and my bad bad bad days when it comes to my body. But I really have come a long way, for instance, I felt pretty sexy when I snapped this photo.

No confidence & wrecked body! (Anonymous)

Pregnancies/births: 1
Age: 2
Postpartum: 2

I had my daughter aged 14, young but very mature.
Always disliked my figure even though I was thin.
I ate everything and anything I could get my hands on to. I didn’t care about eating healthy and keeping for throughout my pregnancy even though I walked everywhere. I had no bump until 24 weeks when it appeared out of no way also had no stretch marks until 34 weeks which I was devastate about. Hated looking at them and the thought of then being there forever.
I have birth to my daughter at 36 weeks in October 2010.
Almost 3 years and I still have my horrible stomach due to no exercise and poor diet.
Looking in the mirror always gets me depressed and I wonder how anyone could love me or my body if I hate myself for it.
I am now determined to loose weight and tone up my stomach by July 2014

34 weeks pregnant!
Almost 3 years later.

Any advice on how to tone and loose weight?

Stretch Marks Ruining Confidence (Lacie)

my name is lacie, age 19.

so i had my BEAUTIFUL baby girl on the 8th of April! she was 8 lbs 6 oz. :) she is our everything! i should feel great about everything in my life, i have a super amazing husband and the best baby in the world, but every time i look in the mirror at myself in a bra and underwear i seriously break down because of my stretch marks. i was a toned 110, measuring at 5 ft. 2 in. and had enough self confidence to wear a belly shirt and bikinis! (i actually loved it, not because i liked to show it off, but its because it made me happy!)
now, i cant even look down when showering without getting upset! by the end of my pregnancy i weighed close to 155…. YIKES.

i hate feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin…. and it hurts even worse that i am ashamed of something that came from my amazing daughter…… i feel so sad that i feel embarrassed….

my husband says he still finds me and my body just as beautiful as before, (which i find super hard to believe, and often end up arguing with him about how much my body literally sucks now) but when i ask him if he finds my stretch marks attractive he says no! humph. that seems kind of contradicting doesn’t it?! buuutttt, i can’t say much, because i am my own worst enemy in this.

i feel so freaking ugly due to this flabby skin and stretch marks! i know this may seem super shallow of me to say, but i feel like they are ruining my life! i mean, i know i still have some toning, and a bit of shrinking to do, but the stretch marks will remain even after that!!!

i would do anything to have the confidence some women do about their stretch marks, but i just cannot pull myself to that point…..

any idea when they will fade!? i also have some deep red ones on my hips that you can’t see, they’re more towards my back anyhow. ugh. does anyone else feel like me? or am i crazy?

My marks
me, my husband and our beautiful baby