Teen Mom

Beauty = Found! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 10 Comments

Age: 21
# of pregnancies: 1
Weight pre-pregnancy: 110 lbs.
Weight gained during pregnancy: 50 lbs.
Weight 3 years post partum: don’t know!

I stumbled on this website quite by accident but I am SO glad I did! It is so important for women to see images of REAL bodies, especially mothers.

My relationship with my body has changed dramatically since I first got pregnant at age 18. I’ve struggled with eating disorders off and on since I was 14. When I was pregnant, I ate healthily for once and gained a decent amount of weight. My daughter was a large baby, 9 lbs. 7 oz. My labor and delivery were amazing experiences. I breastfed her for 13 months while going to college, which allowed me to eat healthy and maintain what I deemed an acceptable body.

I relapsed into disordered eating a few times after weaning my daughter. However, I have recently gained an enormous amount of self esteem. I’ve gotten my happiness and confidence back. I eat what makes me happy and I haven’t weighed myself in about 6 months. I’ve also been eating disorder free for over 6 months.

My body is perfect just the way it is. There are stretch marks on my thighs, breasts, hips, butt, and tummy, and I don’t care. The greatest thing another mother ever said to me was, “Honey, the guys I date don’t care about stretch marks,” when I asked her if she was ever afraid to be naked in front of men. Her confidence in herself has remained a model for me as I grow, both physically and spiritually. The good men will see the beauty in ALL of you.

I proudly nourished my daughter with my body. I wear a bikini with confidence. I enjoy uninhibited sex and intimacy. I advocate for women to love and take care of their bodies and I teach my daughter the same. She is young still but she will know that women deserve agency over their own bodies, not society. I teach her by example, showing her that learning, having self confidence, being creative, caring for others, and eating GOOD food is so much more important than constantly worrying about what we look like.

Life is just easier when you love yourself!

My body has been destroyed, and I’ll have nothing to show for it: Update (Michelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 50 Comments

Pregnancies/Births: 1 pregnancy/birth
Age: 18
7 weeks postpartum

If you haven’t read my previous post, please do so, otherwise this one might not make too much sense.

I thought after I was no longer pregnant I would be devastated with how my body looked, but now I’m finding that I just don’t flat out care.

My due date was November 12 2010, and the day passed without a single sign of me beginning the first stage of labor. Then I lost my mucus plug and a few hours afterwards the contractions began. The next morning I went to the hospital and after checking me and monitoring me for an hour they sent me home, saying it would take me a while to dilate more (I was 1 cm but 70% effaced) and that my contractions only needed to be LONGER, because they were already pretty strong. So I spent the entire day in misery with horrible and painful contractions, not wanting to go back to the hospital just to be sent home again. That evening I went to the adoptive family’s house(the adoptive mom and I are close, she went to all of my appointments with me and was to be present for the birth) to labor there, and after less than an hour my water broke and off to the hospital we were! When they checked me I was 4 cm and begging for an epidural. Before I could get one though they had to get my IV in, and let me tell you, they took their damn sweet time doing that! My first nurse didn’t want to bother trying so she went and got another one to do it. I actually can’t remember much of that hour because the pain was so intense, but after they got the epidural in they waited ten minutes to check me again and found that I was 9 cms, after only an hour and a half at the hospital. No wonder I was in so much pain. They took me off the epidural medicine and then I started pushing, which was only for an hour, and my beautiful baby boy was born at 12:01 am on November 14th 2010, the day before national adoption day.

I had requested that he be taken out of the room immediately because I knew I would not be able to handle hearing him crying, hell, I didn’t know if I could handle meeting him the next morning either. He came out with the cord wrapped around his neck and couldn’t breathe for a few minutes, but when he started crying I started BAWLING. I have never cried so hard in my life or ever been in less control of my body before. Uncontrollable sobbing overtook me so much that I didn’t even feel the delivery of the placenta or the doctor stitching up my second degree tear. I sobbed for probably twenty minutes straight, and my baby wasn’t taken out of the room for the first ten minutes even though I had requested otherwise. To hear him crying… so many thoughts were running through my head. “How could I have ever thought about an abortion?” “I don’t want you out. Get back in my tummy.” “You’re mine, I can’t give you away.” “How could I have ever hated my body while you were in it?” And so many others. I was in complete emotional overload and lost complete control of my body. I was shaking so violently and sobbing so hard that I was sure there was nothing else in the world except the darkness behind my eyelids.

I still cry every time I remember his birth.

My boyfriend and I went to meet our baby around three that night. My boyfriend is 100% Korean so we were sure he would look exactly like his daddy… but it’s the opposite. He looked exactly like me. He had my chin. My cheekbones. My lips. My feet. My fingers. My forehead. My legs. Everything except his nose, which is a perfect mixture of the two of ours, his eyes, and his hair. Having him look like me made it so much harder to give him away.

Now that he isn’t in my tummy anymore I want my bulging belly back. I miss the heartburn every night, the way he got hiccups almost every hour, how he always stuck out his elbow from the side of my tummy. I want the acne back. I want every single bright purple stretch mark. I want my leaking breasts. I want the swollen feet, ankles, and hands. I want the carpal tunnel. I want to not be able to reach down and touch my feet. I want to be kept up all night because it’s so uncomfortable to lay in bed. I want it all back so I can have my baby in me another day. I feel vacant.

Empty.

Hollow.

I don’t care that my body is ravaged and destroyed, that this isn’t what an 18 year old body should look like. I just want my sweet baby boy that I carried for nine months. I should have cherished every day, instead of counting down until it was over. I can’t take back the things I said or the things I felt, as much as I wish could.

One of my nurses made me a plaster of his hand, and one of his foot too. I’m afraid that if I touch them they will become marked by my filthy touch, and I can’t look at them because I feel as if my gaze is unworthy. Every nurse I had in the hospital told me how proud they were of me and what a great thing I was doing, but no amount of praise can take the pain away. When I was in the hospital it was better because I knew my baby was down the hall from me. Safe, but still within reach. Now he isn’t. Every dream I’ve had since he was born has been either about him or how I’m no longer pregnant, but without a baby. I jolted awake the second night home from the hospital because I thought I heard him crying.

I know I made the best decision possible for my baby, that he will have such a wonderful life now, but it still is hard. I know I am going to need therapy.

When pregnant, I used to draw a smiley face on the shower door through the condensation every day while showering. My first shower back home was no different, but then after I drew it I realized that the last time I drew one my baby had hiccups and was contentedly snoozing in my tummy. I haven’t drawn one since.

Throughout my pregnancy, I gained 98 pounds, but I lost 40 of it two weeks after the birth. All of the “acne” that I had on my back, actually turned out to be the PUPPS rash, and it cleared up after labor. The worst case she’d ever seen, my nurse had said. So bad, that my entire back is scarred up from it. My stretch marks are terrible; in my armpits, on my sides, breasts, stomach, all down my inner AND outer thighs, on my entire butt, behind my knees and on my calves, and halfway down the backs of my thighs.I know they will never go away.

I’ve gone to see my baby on multiple occasions now, and it is seven weeks since I had him. He doesn’t look so much like me anymore, but he is so beautiful, and my body is equally as beautiful, because it created such a wonderful brand new human being that I am going to be tied to for the rest of my life. I created and nurtured a human being for nine months and went through labor, the most natural and primal thing that can happen to a person. I now feel like I can go through anything in life and I KNOW I will survive.

My baby is beautiful, and so am I.

Picture # 1 is 5 days postpartum
Picture # 2 is 7 weeks postpartum (not much of a difference, as you can see)
Picture # 3 is my baby an hour after he was born
Picture # 4 baby at 5 weeks
Picture # 5 baby at 5 weeks again

One Year and 60 Pounds Down (Jess)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 20 Comments

Original entry here.

20 Years Old
1 Year PP
Pre Pregnancy 124
End Of Pregnancy 194
Currnetly 135

This has been the fastest year of my life… I’ll be honest… I thought i would be in better shape by now… Some days I think I’m looking pretty good and with a little toning maybe even hot someday… Other days I could just cry… I see the wrinkly texture left on my belly from the enormous amount of weight I gained and the stretch marks and it just seems hopeless…

I haven’t lost much weight since my last post… but I’m going to really start working on it… Bathing suit season starts in about 5 months and if I could make it down below 120 I would be in heaven. That seems like a reasonable goal… but we’ll see how that goes… To be honest after working a full time job and taking care of a baby who I believe will be entering into his terrible twos verrry early the last thing i really feel like doing is exercising… but I don’t feel like i have the right to complain if I can’t at least try…

It’s just so hard seeing these other girls my age with babies who are back down to 100 pounds within a month… my prepregnancy jeans still wont go up past my thighs… I think the thing i’m moost afraid of though is that I wont ever be able to love myself unless I look like I just walked off of the Victorias Secret runway… and let’s be honest… thats never going to happen… I’ve noticed it’s alot easier to love myself on days that I keep the tv on cartoons and dont leave the house lol…. The world can be such a negative place…

This has been such a hard road… not just physically all the changes my body has went through but emotionally too… I know my relationship with my sons father will never be great as long as I can’t love my body.. He get’s mad at me if i try to keep my shirt on or cover my stomach when we’re getting intimate… So he can’t be that grossed out by me right? It’s just hard knowing that some of his exes actually had the body of an actress or model… I think he loves me though…

Hopefully I can continue to grow and be more accepting of my body after what all it’s been through… and hopefully on my next post I’ll be sending in pictures of myself rocking a bikini this summer… which is something i have never had the confidence to do…

My bikini days are definitely over! (Stacey)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 10 Comments

I’m a 25 year old mother of 2 amazing little boys, and a gorgeous baby girl. I got pregnant at 18, and had my oldest at 19. I was 110lbs when I got pregnant with him, and when I had him was 153. I gained pretty much all in my stomach, and breasts. I have stretch marks from my breasts, to my knees.. Literally! I ended up having an emergency c section after 31 hours of labor. I used to think I was a failure because I could not dialate, and give birth the “normal” way, but I’ve honestly come to terms with that now. I had a pretty OK scar from my first birth. It never really bothered me. I did have a little extra skin from getting so big, then losing so much weight. I went back down to 107 shortly after I had him.. Then eventually settled at 115. Then I married the most incredible man a few years later.. I’ve known him my whole life, but had moved away when I was 12.. We reconnected because he had joined the Army and was stationed only a few hours from me. We got married in August of 08 and started working on adding to our family immediately. Got pregnant right away, but then we lost that baby shortly after finding out we were expecting. We got pregnant again a couple months later with our youngest little boy. He was born in July of 09 when I was 24. Then.. The extra skin that I had, turned into a FLAP! I was 120 when I got pregnant with him, and only got down to 130.. When he was 6 months old.. We got the crazy idea in our head to try for a little princess.. We tried one time, and I changed my mind on the timing.. But we found out a week later we were pregnant. We were still thrilled. I only gained 18 lbs with her. I figure it’s because of my Gestational Diabetes, and the medication I was on.. Not to mention I had a 5 year old and a little boy under a year to chase.

Anyway, we had our little girl in October 2010 (she’s 2.5 months old now) and I lost 28lbs total so far.. So I lost hers and my youngest sons pregnancy weight (thaaaaaaaank you breast feeding!) I honestly could care less about the stretch marks anymore… And I have a pretty gnarly scar from my second OB/GYN who just sliced however he felt at the time.. My 3rd OB/GYN tried to fix it.. But she could only do so much.. Still.. I’m not that bothered by the c section scars. It’s the extra skin that gets me so down. I have pretty much no self confidence anymore. I mean, I have a pretty face (or so I’m told) and my boobs.. Well they look good clothed anyway.. Of course they’re a little saggy from having 3 kids, but I’ll live.. But I literally have to tuck my stomach into my pants.. Sometimes it hurts, too.. From the scar, and the skin being pinched sometimes. I see a lot of girls who just snap right back like a rubber band after having a baby, and I just want to bawl up in a corner and cry. My husband is hardly ever home. He’s always deployed, serving our wonderful country. I’m so proud of him.. But when he is home, I just never want him to see me naked. He’ll want to keep the lights on when we’re intimate.. And I want it pitch black.

Am I ever going to be OK with the way I look? Is it ever going to get better? I really want to get a tummy tuck… But I’m also pretty sick of having surgeries. I want to say a quick thank you to the person who opened this web site though. I really felt alone in these feelings for years, but I see there are a lot of wonderful mommies out there going through what I am.. And it’s so amazing to see so much support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Age:25
Pregnancies: 4
Births: 3
Children: almost 6 years, 18 months, 2.5 months

Those are both after my second child.. I look the same now, but a little less weight.
My gorgeous children

Why can’t I see myself through his eyes? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 11 Comments

age:17
number of pregnancies and births: 1
postpartum: 5 months

I honestly have no idea where to even begin this post. I was always the “skinny girl” growing up. I got alot comments on my weight, and they were not always postitive ones, but I loved my body and who I was. I started dating my boyfriend when I was 15 years old. We found out I was pregnant when I was 16 and he was 19. Right from the get go I knew I loved my baby. All through out my pregnancy I always got the comment “oh you are going to bounce right back to your old body!”, I have now come to hate that saying. I was 93 pounds when I found out I was pregnant and the day I gave birth I was at 156. I had never been over 100 pounds in my LIFE until I got pregnant. I loved my body through out my pregnancy and loved being pregnant. I felt like a woman and loved all my curves and even liked the stretch marks. They were the proof of a beautiful healthy baby growing inside my belly. As soon as I met my daughter it was love at first sight. I was so amazed at how beautiful she was. Then as a few months went by, I realized my body was not at all what I wanted it to be. Im ashamed when I look in the mirror. My boyfriend tells me Im beautiful and he loves my body more now then he did before. He tells me he loves everysingle mark pregnancy has caused, because without them he wouldnt have his daughter. I don’t feel sexy and hate every part of my body. I get so irritated at him and can’t see what he sees. Is he blind? I dont understand how anyone can look at my body and think it is not disgusting. My daughter is my world and I would not trade her for anything, I just cannot seem to come to terms with myself. And to be honest, I feel selfish when I say I hate my body. My body brought my daughter into this world and I just wish I could love it as much as I love her.

pic1: 2months before i got pregnant
pic 2: 8 months pregnant with my boyfriend at baby shower
pic 3 and 4: 5 months pp
pic 5 and 6: my beautiful baby girl

Updated here and here.

16 Weeks Later (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 26 Comments

age: 19
1 child

this is my first entry. its been 16 weeks since i gave birth and my body hasnt gone back the way i thought it would. my baby was 8lbs and 6 ounces. during my pregnancy i gained about 50 lbs and have almost lost it all but my body is just different now. even though ive lost almost all the weight im just different shaped, have extra skin, and sag in places i dont think a 19 year old should sag in. i didnt think my body would change this much with just one pregnancy, maybe with like 3 but not just one. during my pregnancy my boobs changed ALOT. they grew like crazy and the color of my nipples got really dark. everyone i talked to said the color goes back. mine didnt. they look awful and now my boobs are gross and saggy as well. i tried to breast feed but i just couldnt keep up with my baby. i have stretch marks all over my tummy and love handles and a bunch of gross extra skin on my stomach now too.i LOOVE my baby but its really hard seeing other girls my age with perfect bodies and knowing that mine is ruined for the rest of my life.

122710-anon-1

Happy on the Outside (DeAnna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

I am the mother of 2 gorgeous children. I am 22 years old. I had my daughter at age 19. I always had a very cute figure so the sudden change my body took after having my daughter left me in a horrible postpartum depression. I had horrible stretch marks covering my stomach. I started working out & eventually got the baby weight off in about a year, but the stretch marks kept me down. I ended up having the laser removal which didnt remove the marks but certainly made them less noticeable. I was finally back to a good confident attitude & was back in my bikini and loving myself again! Then 2 years later I got married to a wonderful man & we had our son Sept 27, 2010. I gained about 15 more pounds with him than I did my daughter which has now resulted in more stretch marks and baggy, saggy skin. I ended up with a emergency c section and now am left with this dreaded post c section pooch. I was so happy to find this website to see Im not alone. I know Im only about 5 weeks postpartum, but Im still pretty hard on myself. I plan to work out and get the weight off, but Im just having a really hard time with my self confidence. Right before I gave birth to my son I caught my husband talking to his ex wife behind my back which really hurt me. Now, with that in the back of my head, my confidence level is at a all time low and Im so paranoid since I feel like I look digusting he will think the same and cheat on me. We are trying to work through our issues and although things are better I still beat myself up on the inside. I refuse to let him see me naked. He dosent understand why I run and hide in the bathroom to change clothes and I always lock the door even to shower. I just cant bare to let him see me like this. I seem to be a very happy person on the outside, but I am so depressed when it comes down to it. I love my children and I wouldnt give them up for the most perfect body in the world, but I have to figure out how to accept my body. Like I mentioned before with time, working out, & this website I know I can get there eventually & its good to know Im not alone.

age: 22
births: 2…1 vaginal 1 c section
childrens age: 2 & 1 month

I Feel I Will Never be Satisfied With My Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 15 Comments

After having my first child at age 16 eventually i got back down to my pre pregnancy weight and had a body i loved and felt beautiful in, but now that i have givin birth 2 more times in the last two years i think i have done permenent damage, i just feel i will never be happy with my body unless it looks like it did when i weighed 98 lbs…i just wish i could be thankful for the body i have! the picture is from when i was 10 weeks postpartum

age: 23
number of births: 3
age of children: 7- 22mos -4mos

11 Months Postpartum/ Mother of Two (Irie Mama)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 16 Comments

I got pregnant when I was sixteen and had my first child at the age of 17. I was so unprepared for what pregnancy was going to do to my body! I ended up gaining 50 pounds in a short period of time and I have stretch marks EVERYWHERE! On my stomach, Big ones on my hips, the sides of my thighs and all over my breasts and butt! Ah the things we sacrifice for our children. I don’t really even mind the stretch marks I have! I am a little proud of them but I wish I didn’t have so many! The thing that I am really dissappointed with is my breasts. They used to be so beautiful and my areolas were small and they weren’t as saggy. I breastfed both of my children. I got pregnant again at 19 and had my son at 20. I breastfed him for a much longer time then my daughter and it did a toll on my breasts. I know one day I’ll probably choose to get a tummy tuck or maybe even a breast lift because I feel that I will never be happy until I look better. But for now, my husband loves me the way I am!

Prepregnancy weight: 128
First pregnancy weight-178
Post pregnancy weight-127
Second pregnancy weight-160
Post pregnancy weight-138

My daughter is 3 and a half and my son is 1.

My body has been destroyed, and I’ll have nothing to show for it. (Michelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Legs, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom

Age – 18
Number of pregnancies – 1

I’ve been on this site countless times, reading other women’s stories because I am trying to cope with how much my body is changing, and have been debating for months now on whether to post my story or not. Well, it’s a bit long, but here goes!

I was 17 and a senior in high school when I found out I was pregnant, and had only been sexually active for less than two months. THAT’S IT. I’ve always been the good girl in my class and people have disliked me for it, because for some reason to them it was disgraceful that I didn’t do drugs, drink, party, or have sex. I’d never even had a boyfriend before the man who got me pregnant. My boyfriend and I were very much in love, and knew we would be together for a long time because we had endured a long-distance relationship for the longest time, but nevertheless, I am having the most difficult time dealing with him during this pregnancy.

I am currently almost 38 weeks pregnant with a baby boy that we are giving up for adoption to a wonderful couple that has tried to have a child for over ten years. This wasn’t my original plan, however. A week after my mom found out I was pregnant she drove me two hours away to have an abortion. I knew that there was no possible way I could parent this child or deal with the emotional aftermath of giving them up for adoption, so for me abortion was the best decision. At the clinic, however, they told me I was 15 weeks along and to have an abortion would be a two-day procedure. Obviously, we’d have to set up another appointment and come back later, much to my mother’s disappointment. She was pretty enraged by the whole situation.

After coming back home and talking it over with my boyfriend, he told me that he wanted to go through with an adoption. “Great!” I thought. Because I would be staying pregnant, all of my plans for the next year would be put on hold. A selfish thought, I know. I also thought that my belly would grow, I’d give birth, and then the whole ordeal would be over with.

I was very wrong.

Even though I haven’t eaten nearly enough to gain so much weight, it’s in my genetics to gain incredible amounts of weight during pregnancy. Pre-pregnancy I was a tiny, cute girl weighing 125 and standing at 5’ 7”, now I weigh 217 and I haven’t even given birth yet. My in-between 34 B- C boobs have gone to a 40 DD, I have acne all over my face, my back, and my chest when I didn’t have acne at all before, I have a disgusting amount of new moles and freckles EVERYWHERE, and I have deep, purple stretch marks all over my boobs, stomach, sides, butt, the tops and backs of my thighs as well as on my inner thighs, and behind my knees and on my calves. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I’m constantly in pain. Some days I can’t even get out of bed because I will be sobbing from the pain my body is in. My feet and face swell constantly to where they don’t look human anymore.

And on top of the physical changes I have to deal with, I have to deal with this emotional roller coaster of giving my baby up for adoption. Just after typing that sentence I began to cry! I find myself crying constantly now, and I don’t have support from ANYONE. I haven’t left my house (except to dr appts) in over five months because I am so ashamed of myself; my body and my decision. I spend every day in my room with only the company of my kitten, Sophie. In a day I talk to her more than I will talk to another human being in two weeks. I still live at home, and my family constantly makes remarks about my weight or the stretch marks or the acne, it’s just always something. They make fun of me. They criticize me for my choice. They talk about me when they don’t think I can hear them. And to top it all off, my boyfriend is, to put blatantly, being a butt. He is so rude to me, and even went as far as to say that he wished this wasn’t happening. HELLO! You’re the one that decided this! He tells me that my stretch marks “better be gone within a few months” and that he doesn’t even want to be in the delivery room with me when I’m in labor. I feel like I am dealing with this pregnancy all by myself, and to tell the truth, I am. No one ever offers to help me do anything. I almost 10 months pregnant and I’m still cleaning an entire house in which six people and three cats live in by myself.

I feel the kicks and movements of my baby all by myself, because there is no one to share this joy with. I wanted an abortion because I didn’t want me and my baby to deal with this lifelong choice and the effects it will have on us. I already am extremely depressed, and I know that postpartum it will only be multiplied. I still haven’t decided if I want to meet my baby after he is born, because frankly I don’t know if I can handle it.

I just turned 18; my body has been destroyed and after the grueling hours of labor I won’t even be holding the beautiful baby boy I created and nurtured for nine months. So it almost feels like I’ve done all of this for nothing.

I would have posted a picture of my entire body, but I don’t have anyone willing to take one for me so these will have to do.

Pic #1 is pre-pregnancy. (Excuse the dazed look, I was listening to someone jabbering)
Pic #2 is of my swollen feet
Pic #3 is of the stretch marks on my left inner-thigh
Pic #4 is of my side view

Updated here.