Tattoo

8 Months PP (Renee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 6 Comments

Previous post here.
Age 24
~1 baby boy, 8 months old
Pre pregnancy 135lbs, @ Pregnancy 192lbs, After birth 162lbs, 8months PP 150-154lbs.

I want to start off by saying thank you to everyone for all there comments and support. It has been about 5 months since I have posted last. I still am not the happiest person and i am still not satisfied with my body. I am however thankful for my healthy baby boy and the fact that things could be a lot worse. Well since I posted last I did go to the gym for a month and lost close to 12lbs but for some reason no more weight will fall off. It does make me mad and frustrated that I cant loose anymore weight. I have kinda gotten use to my squeeshy belly but it makes me sad to see it when i bend over or sit down. I hope that it gets better in time.

1-6: Pics of me 8 Month PP
Pic 7: Me Dressed
Pic 8: My Baby boy

Hard Work Pays Off (Georgia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 4 Comments

Previous entries here, here and here.

Hello there ladies. I wanted to share my update. I have a few others on here. Although I said I wasnt going to have another post until 1 year postpartum, I thought it was time. I am 10 months PP. Total I have lost 50 pounds. I work out 3 days a week, usually using Lindsay Brins post natal bootcamp or Jillian Michaels 3o day shred. I was eating 1200 calories a day, in 5 small meals. Now I eat 1500-1800 to maintain my weight. If you have some baby weight still, remember it took 9 months to put it on. Give yourself 9 months to take it off. If you feel like you dont have time to workout or eat right, try doing it slowly. Changing your lifestyle takes a lot of time. The great thing about making such a huge change, is even though you might gorge yourself with donuts today, you can start again tomorrow. Everyone has bad days. You just have to get back up and try again.

The truth is, I am STILL not completely happy with the way I look. I even weigh 20 pounds less than I did before I even got pregnant. I dont think I will ever be completely satisfied. What woman is? I think no matter how much weight we lose, or how much our stretch marks fade.. we will never be perfectly happy. We simply have to learn to love what we have. I am still working on that. In the mean time, I try to concentrate on the good things. My adorable baby, my amazing husband, family and friends. Life is good.

My husband and I are actually planning on trying for baby #2 this year. Scary, but now that I have gone through the cycle of gaining and losing weight. I know I can handle it.

First pictures is a collage of my progress. Second is me, 10 months pp, sitting down to show my belly. Third is my son and I at 10 months. Fourth is my son 10 months.

Age: 25
1 pregnancy, 1 birth.
My son is 10 months old.

11 Weeks Postpartum (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 13 Comments

Previous entries here, here and here.

23 years old
1 pregnancy
1 birth
11wks postpartum and -30lbs

I decided it was time to finally write my postpartum update. I ended up carrying to 41 weeks and giving birth completely naturally on November 28, 2010. And before anyone congratulates me on that, I did not want or anticpate a natural birth– I just progressed much faster than the doctors had time to give me any pain medication! I went to the hospital at 3:30am and started pushing a little before 8:00am. Back labor, all the way. I wanted to die; yeah, it hurt like hell, and I had no way of knowing that I would give birth before 9am. So I’m sitting there on the gourney thinking “oh my god, this hurts… am I going to suffer like this fr twelve hours or more?!?” But by the time I was asking for pain meds (in a very weak, pathetic voice, lol) the doctor came in to check me, saw me shivering and said “we need to get her in a room, she’s gonna have this baby NOW!” So I suppose I should just buck up and be happy that I didn’t end up birthing my son in the waiting room… wouldn’t that be an interesting story?

As it turned out, Baby Aleksandr was born with no long-term complicatons. There was fetal distress, meconium, a drop in BP, and the cord was wrapped around his neck. My husband was not allowed to cut the cord because they wanted to get our son medical attention right away. He was 8lbs 3oz and 21 inches long! Tore me sideways and I needed … quite a few stitches. At least ten, I think….

A lot has happened to both me and my son since giving birth… my husband was deployed almost immediately after Aleks was born. On Christmas Day I got a call saying my grandmother had fallen into a diabetic coma, so me and my mom packed up and lived with my grandpa two states away for about to and a half weeks while we waited for my grandma to die. Having to see her all bruised up when she was in her coma (from dialysis and everything else the doctors did to her), and then seeing her 4-day-old unebalmed body is something I’ll never be able to forget. She had specifically said she did not want to be embalmed, and her death landed right around New Years when the cemetery was closed… because apparently someone thinks that people don’t die around New Years, I don’t know.

Once I got back up in Washington my Mom had to go back to her home in Oregon, so I was by myself again with a newborn who had his schedule all messed up from traveling so much. I had doctors appointments for follow-ups, IUD insertions, I was in the ER twice in the last three weeks: once because my postpartum bleeding was so heavy that I was dizzy and nauseous (I’ve had heavy periods before, this much blood actually scared me) and a second time for what turned out to be rectocele. I’ve been jumping through hoops trying to see doctors and hoping I can have it corrected with surgery. Finally saw a third doctor today to get the official green light for surgery and was told it could be worse and I would just have to live with it. I was in tears. The doctor hadn’t even given me any options, just told me I’d probably need to take laxatives for the next few months, maybe longer. I’m going to get a second opinion (technicaly a fourth opinion), but I’m waiting until my husband comes home because I’m starting to get depressed having to make all these medical decisions by myself. And no, he has not been allowed to take emergency leave to be with me OR take his baby leave.

I was 195lb when I gave birth. I wasn’t really concerned with stretch marks because I grew my hips in the 8th grade, lol. Yeah, I was a little put off by the ones scattered south of my belly button, but I know I can live with them. The’ve already faded a LOT, and … well, I live in Washington, it’s not like bikini weather is very common. I’ve sent my husband pictures of my postpartum progress (I’m 165 now), and he tells me tha I’m not only beautiful, but strong and assures me I’m taking excellent care of our son. Because of everything that’s been happening in the last 11 weeks, I haven’t been able to exercise as much as I’d like. Between stitches, travelling, bleeding, worrying that my organs are gonna fall out my butt… I did gain an interesting perspective on my need to take care of myself. It’s not just getting down to prepregnancy size and weight that’s important to me. I know I still have 10+ lbs to go before I’m back at my prepregnancy weight, but other things take precedence. I know I’ve been very lucky in regaining much of my shape without going out of my way to acquire it, and I do have my genes to thank for that. I know as soon as I no longer have to value an hour of sleep over a 15 minute run, I’ll be quick to bounce back completely. But I can be patient.
My husband was able to come home for a night (due to military work, not so he could stay –boo), and he finally got to see his little boy smile. And somehow it made me smile and broke my heart at the same time :) I can’t wait for Aleks to grow up and become a little hellion like both me and his daddy were. He looks so much like his father– but he’s got my lips! lol I’m glad I had the Shape of a Mother site to help m through my pregnancy and postprtum period. This site is amazing with its support. Thank you all!

Pictures are:
prepregnancy
39.5 weeks pregnant
3 hours after giving brith
2 weeks PP
7 weeks PP
me and my son!
11 weeks PP
my two handsome men!

I Like Myself (Rosie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breastfeeding, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 9 Comments

I see a ton of ladies hating on their post-baby bodies, and some very genetically blessed ladies who are rockin’ it.

I’m right here in the middle. I gained some weight, and I lost it. I started my pregnancy around 170 lbs. I struggled with hyperemesis in my first trimester and dropped to 145 lbs. By delivery day I weighed 191 lbs. At six weeks postpartum I’m weighing 167 lbs. I’m hitting the gym. My belly is so textured with stretch marks that it reminds me of a trapper keeper I had in middle school.

I still have some weight to lose, and I don’t know when those stretch marks will fade.

My unmedicated water birth showed me how strong and capable I am.

Breastfeeding and the patience it requires is my new yoga.
I love myself, and I love my body.

And you should too.

You made a baby. That is pretty amazing.

If you’re not happy with your body, please try to remember all that you did. Nourish yourself well. Put your baby in a carrier and dance in the living room or in the stroller and walk until youfeel the burn. Leave baby with a sitter and take a class that sounds fun or take a mommy and me class. Do something active a few times a week.

Don’t make excuses. Take care of your body and love yourself. Flaunt your self esteem. It’s a great example to your children.

~Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: Two pregnancies. One very empowering, unmedicated, water birth.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: I am a mother of one amazing daughter. I am almost six weeks postpartum.

The Guilt of Hating a Body That Birthed an Angel (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 14 Comments

It has only been three and a half weeks since I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. I should be applauding myself and my body for being able to create such a perfect angel, and yet I am not. Instead I find myself hating the mirror because the mirror shows what I look like now. Huge and covered in stretch marks. Three years ago I weighed 100lbs and even back then the voice in my head said I was fat. Now I find myself three weeks post pregnancy sitting at 160lbs; can you imagine what that voice is saying now?

It is hard being a mother. A lot harder than I imagined. I have bigger things to worry about other than how huge my belly and ass are, but yet those thoughts take hold every time I look down or look in the mirror. I try to tell myself “it took nine months to get this way, give yourself eighteen months to get back from here” but it doesn’t work. I feel like I have lost all my hotness and all of my youth. I dread the idea of having anyone see me naked ever again. I hope this feeling doesn’t last.

I am told by fellow moms that “this too shall pass”, that this body will not sag forever. The stretch marks will fade and one day my skin will regain its elasticity. I hope this is not a lie. I hope these friends are being honest because, right now, I can’t imagine loving this new body. I always thought I would be the kind of woman who ‘bounced back” from pregnancy. Some silly idea planted in my head by TV and the movies. How come those women never stay fat? Where is their extra weight? Why can’t we all live in that fantasy land?

Reality isn’t as pleasant.

I feel like admitting this makes me sound ungrateful and like a “bad mother”. I really love my daughter and feel blessed that I had the ability to create her. I just hate that I had to give up something so important to me in order to do it. I guess that makes me selfish. I guess I am not “seeing the big picture”. This is reality. I can love my daughter but I do not have to love what happened to my body to make her. So why the guilt? Why do I feel guilty every time I think of how horrible I look?
And why do I think this is a horrible way to look?

I wish I could be one of those moms who adore her stretch marks and sagging belly. The ones who claim “it is their badge”… of what? Honour? Strength? The ability to make a baby is great but I don’t need my body to remind me that I did it, that is what my child is for.

Time heals all wounds. I hope time also heals all post pregnancy bodies.

I am 28 and this is my first and hopefully last pregnancy.

The photos are my belly before pregnancy, during pregnancy, and three weeks post pregnancy.

Updated here.

Closing in on D-Day (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 8 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

Age: 23
Pregnancies/births: currently pregnant with first

Hello again. This is gonna be a long one… I’ve been checking this site nearly every day since I first found out I was pregnant. I thought it was great, especially since I had so many fears and hangups about what I would look like after I gave birth. Well, I’m nearly 36 weeks now, and I gotta say, I’m sick of being pregnant, and would be willing to put up with almost anything if it meant I’d never have to be pregnant again. I have yet to feel that warm, wholesome feeling I hear women talk about: how they are a vessel for life, the miracle of birth, etc. My mother-in-law goes on and on about how she looooooved being pregnant, and if she could, she’d always be pregnant. I hear that and it scares the crap out of me because I don’t know how anyone can enjoy this, and I’ve had a ridiculously easy pregnancy. At least I don’t resent my soon-to-be son for what his gestation is doing to me. I just want him to thank me by hurrying up and finishing baking.
If you read my other posts, you’ll know I had an eating disorder for many years. And just before my pregnancy I relapsed pretty hard and was making myself vomit about 14-21 times a week. I immediately stopped when I discovered I was pregnant (I admit to a few week moments, but I’ve been doing everything in my power to ensure my son is born strong and healthy). My issue with this– as anyone who has ever dieted knows– is that I thought I knew where to start my “Preggo-Pounds Watch.” I thought I should start counting as soon as I found out I was pregnant (155 lbs) but maybe I should have started counting when I started eating regularly again… Everyone knows when you go back to eating regularly after a diet that you gain it back and then some… So maybe I don’t know how much I’ve actually gained? I’m trying to make peace with that. I was 186 lbs this morning, but I honestly can’t figure out how I’ve gained that much. The last few weeks I haven’t had much of an appetite. So now I’m in this “should I even care?” limbo that is SO not like me.

At my last appointment I asked my doctor about my back pain. I wish it were sciatica so I could just feel that pleasant electrocution run down my leg. But no, it’s not. It’s a small area the size of a quarter that goes from 0-9 on the pain scale with no warning (it doesn’t get worse or better, it either hurts like hell or it doesn’t). Walking, getting out of bed, moving my foot from the gas to the brake, putting on socks, rolling over… anything that required my right leg to move would make that one little area stab me. Basically the doctor said, go to physical therapy or ride it out. Because apparently that’s my pelvis coming apart *sigh* And just for the sake of saying it: GROUP B STREP TEST SUCKS. I know you’re all thinking it, so don’t pretend like you’re not. I had the option of doing it myself, and that was bad enough…

My older sister was my pregnancy-due-date-buddy; but she started leaking amniotic fluid at 32 weeks. They kept her in the hospital until 35 weeks and she gave birth a few days ago. When I got the first pictures of my second nephew, I couldn’t believe it… he’s so small… I really feel like I couldn’t look away. One of these red, wrinkled creatures was going to be in my arms soon; going to come home with me. It was a weird feeling. My mom called me afterward, asked me if I was okay because I was *still* pregnant and my sister wasn’t, lol. I’m a little jealous she has an October baby.

All-in-all, I’m really doing my best to be “okay” with my weight gain. It’s not easy for someone like me. It’s like locking someone who’s claustraphobic in a closet for nine months. I asked my husband to hide the bathroom scale so I’d stop weighing myself five times a day– he didn’t hide it all that well, but now I only weigh myself every few days. I don’t know how I could have gotten this far without him helping me every step of the way. About once a week I freak out about my weight; I almost hyperventilated when I found my first stretch mark and it took him nearly 3 hours to calm me back down (I now have five small ones, all on the underside of my belly); he’s always telling me I’m beautiful and that he’s positive I’ll go back to my pre-baby body within a few weeks (my mom said she did this in 6 weeks without any exercise… so I’m kinda hoping those genetics were expressed in me).

Some people have told me why should I worry about my weight, I’m gonna have a whole lot more to worry about once my son arrives. I was pretty nervous at first, about being a mom, that is. But I’ve read a lot, accepted that no mom is perfect and that as long as I don’t try to be supermom, I’ll do a great job. I know I’ll have no trouble loving him, he’s a little piece of his father, and I love *him* more than anything. Even being a military wife and knowing my husband won’t be here to help me for some of it doesn’t worry me. I know I’m strong, and that me and my husband together are even stronger. So I’m not really worried about motherhood at all. It shouldn’t be too much longer now, though. Only 24 days, if I deliver right on my due date. Doc says Baby Aleksandr is in the heads-down position, that’s one step closer!! When I finally get my first real contraction, I might cry with joy. I have the entire Month Nine and Labor and Delivery chapters of What to Expect memorized right now.

So as for how I’m feeling as I write this…. I’m tired of not being able to see my feet. I’m tired of having that pain in my back. I’m tired of my bladder being abused. I’m tired of my ribs getting kicked. I’m tired of sleeping away half the day. I’m tired of grunting when I roll over or try to get out of bed. I’m tired of that tight, I’m-gonna-pop-feeling taking up my entire torso. I can’t wait to be able to run again. I can’t wait to be able to touch my toes without holding my breath. I can’t wait to have a body that moves normally again. And the strange thing is, when I focus on all those things— being able to run, not having a watermelon bouncing on my pelvis, touching my toes, and yes to make freaky love to my husband— I don’t even care about how my body looks. If I never lose all my baby weight, if my skin remains stretched out and my belly button gets that live-in look… I’ll still get to own my body again and be able to physically do all the things that are so hard/difficult/impossible to do right now. Even with flab and stretch marks weighign me down, I think I’ll feel lighter than air….

First pic: 29 weeks
Second pic: 31 weeks (at my baby shower)
Third pic: 34 weeks
Fourth pic: 35 weeks
Fifth & sixth pic: 36.5 weeks

Updated here.

Post C-Section Belly at 7 Months (Shaunna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 6 Comments

I am a 25 year old woman, who had her first baby delivered back in March via c-section. After 12 hours in labor and a dropping fetal heart rate, the doctors decided c-section was the way to go.

Since the c-section, I have had the hardest time trying to get my stomach back to where it was. Aside from the uncomfortable bulging and bloating around the site, my once smooth stomach is now also stretched, purple and flabby. By all appearances, I have lost the baby weight. I run 2 miles a day, and incorporate weights 3 times a week. However, I am still breastfeeding my son, and my stomach as you can plainly see, still looks like a post pregnancy belly.

While at first my self esteem plummeted, I have to admit, the new look has grown on me. It’s not what I am used to, but I have such an extraordinary son. He just lights up my whole life. My husband swears to me he still thinks I am beautiful. I tear up when I think of what an amazing vessel my body is, to have nourished, grown and birthed our amazing child.

SO, that being said… I wish I could hug all the moms that look in the mirror and aren’t always thrilled. However, sites like this are so awesome due to the acceptance that is promoted. I really don’t think I could stand it if I heard of one more woman who stopped eating because she didn’t like her body. I wish there were more being done to promote healthy, happy women and less self consciousness.

Unsatisfied (Renee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 8 Comments

#1 pregnancy
3 months Postpartum

First of I am glued to this site. I love this site.

I am so happy to have a baby boy. He is the cutest baby ever.

I got pregnant when I was 23 and Had my baby when I was 24 on July 4, 2010.

He was a healthy baby of 9lb 7 OZ. I had him vaginally and he ripped me pretty bad(4th degree tear) needless to say my body will never be the same. I had a hard time recovering i couldn’t even sit on my butt for a month. Finally I can be more active and i actually have to start work on sat in hopes to loose all my weight. I am 5’11 and was about 135LBS when i got pregnant very slim. When I gave birth I was 192LBS (Gained 52Lbs) coming out of the hospital I was down 30LBS. I am at my 3 months Postpartum and I cant seem to loose any weight. I am walking daily, eating smaller portions, and working out (minimally). Can anyone tell me good news? My sister was very lucky she is a toothpick she had her baby and after 5 months was back to her skinny self. What can i do to be back to myself? What can i DO?

1rst-5 Pic is me at 3 months postpartum
6-8 Pic is me Pre-pregnancy
9-10 Pic is my handsome baby boy!

Updated here.

I Love My Son, But I HATE My Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Legs, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 10 Comments

Age: 20
1 pregnancy, 1 birth
8 months postpartum

I was so glad i found this site, and see that there are many other women like me out there. Well to start off i’ll start my story in the few months pre-pregnancy… i was 18 turning 19 in a few weeks, my boyfriend (husband now) had just proposed, just started a new job, everything was going great in my life… i had noticed i had started gaining a few pounds but nothing serious, my weight had always flucuated throughout high school since i was a cheerleader and had done gymnastics for 6 years, when it wasnt cheering season i would gain a little weight and loose it at the start of football season… but i had never been bigger than a size 3/4. but this summer i had to buy a size bigger, but i just summed it up to being out of highschool, being lazy and not working out. i had also just started a new birthcontrol so i thought maybe that had caused me to gain a little. i also had missed one period, again i summed that up to the new birth control. after the second missed period i decided to take a pregnancy test. it came out positive. i was completely shocked cuz i hadnt had any common pregnancy symptoms. after i went to the doc, i soon learned i had went through my entire 1st trimester not even knowing i was preg. the entire time i was pregnant i never had morning sickness or anything… i had a really easy pregnancy, other than i had used palmers cocoa butter for stretch marks to try to help prevent them, come to find out the lotion had lanolin in it and i didnt know it at the time but i was allergic to lanolin, the lotion cuased me to break out everywhere i had used it and it itched like CRAZY, i tried to resist the urge to scratch but i couldnt i scratched all day and all night. i didnt have ANY stretch marks until i used this lotion and started scratching then they just started popping up everywehre.

pre-pregnancy i had weighed 130ish and wore a size 3/4 in pants, when i delivered my son i weighed 161, so during my pregnancy i gained a total of 30lbs. which didnt seem like it was that bad, i new friends of mine that had gained 80 and looked amazing! so i figured after time i wouldnt look so bad. my husband and i got married when i was 4 months postpartum, we took our honeymoon in gulf shores, al. we had a great time, but everytime we went to the beach i felt SUPER self concious of my belly fat and stretch marks. everywhere i looked there were girls my age looking thin and sexy and it made me feel even worse. but my husband keeps telling me he loves me and loves how i look, i just cant believe him cause when i look in the mirror i dont see sexy. i see every imperfection on my body. every little stretch mark, every area that there is cellulite and every place my body bulges over clothes. even now at 8 months postpartum i still weigh 140, which is only 10lbs more than my prepregnancy weight, but i now wear a size 11/12… prepregnancy i wore a size 34c bra i now wear a 36DD! i hardly ever dress up now because it only makes me feel worse that nothing fits like its supposed to or it jsut shows all my imperfections…

i have stretch marks on my stomach, my sides, and in between my thighs from the top to down to my knees, some have faded considerably but i still cant feel comfortable wearing shorts because of them. and in this weather in ky its been 90+ pretty much all summer and HUMID and i wear pants or sweats everyday. i have a friend who is my age, who delivered her son 4 days before me, maybe only ONE stretch mark, and is back down to her pre-pregnancy weight, wearing her cute little clothes and looking sexy. it makes me feel like crap when i hang out with her seeing how amazing she looks and how unattractive i look.

i love my son more than anything and i wouldnt change a thing <3 i just hate what having him brought upon my body. i want my old body back, i want to feel sexy again. i hate seeing the bulge of my tummy hanging over my pants, i hate not getting to wear what i want. here are a few pics. first pic- me and my husband on our honeymoon 4mo pp 2nd pic- my son <3 3rd pic- my tattoo on my side, disfigured from stretch marks. 4th pic-8 months pp 5th pic- 8 months pp side view 6th pic- 8 months pp inside of my thigh [gallery]

Update (Babs)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 22 Comments

Previous entries here, here and here.

When my first son died, shortly after birth, I found too late that the only prints I’d been given from the hospital staff were barely worth calling prints… they didn’t even try to unfold his fingers before taking them, and even inked his knuckles rather than take the extra effort to create something memorable. I had been hoping for something clear and beautiful, but when they handed me the papers, I was devastated.
He left no marks on my body other than an ugly and unnecessary cesarean scar: I had no stretch marks or permanent weight gain, I was longing for something physical to remember him by. I wanted a tattoo of his hand in the place where it had been pressing throughout my pregnancy… but due to the condition of the prints, I didn’t know if this would ever happen.

It’s taken me years of canvasing tattoo artists to find one that was capable of not only reconstructing a good print, but also skilled enough to capture the finer details of it.

With the help of my best friend, who took prints from her newborn daughter to give a template to work from, I took the papers to a new artist in town with an amazing skill in details and shadows. She gave me a perfect copy of the size and shape of his palm… not only that, but she painstakingly worked his palm lines (the only part of his prints that was truly preserved) into the tattoo.

So here’s my fourth submission: about 1.5 months pregnant with baby number four, carrying the extra 20lbs from my last two pregnancies, covered in faded stretch marks, an ugly cesarean scar from an unnecessary surgery I still haven’t recovered from, and finally graced with a mark from my first son’s life.