Here We Go Again (Anonymous)

Previous submission here.

My age: 31
Number of Pregnancies: 2
Children: 21 months and 1 month
4 weeks post partum

I was surprised to find myself covered in stretch marks at the end of my eighth month of pregnancy. My previous submission shows an almost blemish free belly. Yet I am not upset about them, just as I am not upset about any of the scars on my body, they have all come with a story. If anything these are the scars I am most proud of, because they were the hardest to earn. What does upset me is the weight gain and the mommy apron. I know I am responsible for both of these things and in a way that is what makes them even more upsetting. How did I allow my body to get this out of hand?

I read posts from other moms who are in better shape post pregnancy than they were pre pregnancy, sometimes with in a few short months and I think, ” How can I be such a failure?”

I am proud of my two healthy boys and would not give them up for anything, but being a Mommy has definitely taken it’s toll.

I am hoping this post will help me to find the strength to get through the weight loss, and trials of mommyhood that lie ahead.

First four photos: 4 weeks post partum
Last two photos: 38 weeks and 6 days pregnant, day of scheduled c-section

Getting used to the new me (Anonymous)

Age-23
Number of pregnancy’s,births- 1 ,1
4 1/2 months Postpartum
c-section

I have been having a pretty hard time dealing with my new body after having my baby 4 months ago. I am just now starting to be some what ok with how I look. I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy and have lost 20 of it, for some reason the last 20lbs do not seem to want to come off and I’ve been getting a little depressed about it, but I do know that it WILL eventually come off. My husband is amazing, he’s always telling me that I look great and sexy and beautiful, but its still hard to believe sometimes. I guess the thing that gets me is in your 20’s your are supposed to feel and look your best and I don’t feel like I ever will again. Its not the stretch marks that bother me so much all though they arnt my favorite lol, I think the flash from the camera brightens them up a bit because they arnt as noticeable in person. What bothers me is how much my stomach still pokes out from the side. It seems like no matter what I do it wont even start to flatten out. I do wonder sometimes though if I had not had to have a c-section if it would have been easier to lose the weight. I didn’t want to have a c-section but my little guy wouldn’t fit so they had to give me one. But all and all I don’t think I look to bad, I obviously don’t look like I’d like to, but I got my perfect little man out of it all so I try not to complain to much. I’d do it all over again in a heart beat.

Without my belly, I wouldn’t have hers. (Anonymous)

age-17
7 months pp

I posted on this site about two months ago. I have lost a little more weight since then, but all together I am feeling great. I was 93 pounds when I found out I was pregnant with my beautiful daughter. 156 when I gave birth. I am now down to 128 pounds. Thanks to my amazing boyfriend I am starting to feel sexy again.

Last night I was getting my daughter dressed after her bath and while I was putting lotion her belly, it hit me how perfect her belly is. She has the softest skin and such an even skin tone. She is so beautiful. I looked at my own belly, how its sagged and stretched and the lighter skin tone of my stretch marks. But for once I did not care. It hit me that my daughter will always be beautiful. When she holds the shape of a baby, plump and soft, when she holds the shape of a young child, careless and free. When she holds the shape of a teen as shes finding her own self and is becoming a young lady. But most importantly she will be beautiful one day when she holds the shape of a mother if thats what she wishes. She will be just a beautiful with her belly round and stretched for the new life she is carrying. MY belly is BEAUTIFUL because I gave life to such an amazing baby. Without all my marks I would not have her perfect belly, that one day itself may carry the marks of motherhood.

Thanks to my daughter I am finally coming to terms with my weight gain. I am going on vacation and have decided to wear my BIKINI. Idc if I have a few extra pounds or stretch marks! I have a beautiful baby to show for them. I love my mommy body and I’m going to rock it ;) thanks to my new mind set, my relationship with my boyfriend has improved so much. I no longer think he is lying when he says I’m beautiful or when he tells me he loves my body. Motherhood is such a beautiful thing and I think we are all too hard on ourselves.

Updated here.

Not Myself Anymore (Morgan)

Age:18
No. Of Pregnancies and Births: 1
8 Months PP

No one realises how hard it is to be a mom. I’ve had so many friends say to me, “I want a baby so bad, you must be so happy!” But it’s not like that. I got pregnant to my ex after one week of being together. Even worse, we had only known each other for two weeks. I know it sounds bad, but I was in a bad stage and where I live, this is considered ‘normal’. Anyway, I got pregnant at 17 years old. When we found out, everyone was so happy. Mum, dad and especially the father. We thought we had our perfect family. I dropped out of my last year at school and moved to live 30 minutes away with my then boyfriend. We were only together three months when the problems started.

First of all, let me say that the dad isn’t a bad guy at all. Just young and confused. He struggled with losing his friends and social life more than I did. He started taking it out on me. He was never physical, but the emotional bruises stood out. My closest friend noticed how down I was but my family didn’t. He texted my friends flirting and compulsively lied to me. I felt wortless and out of control with sadness. I felt like there was no way out and I cried in the bathroom at nights. My iron levels dropped astronomically and I couldn’t do anything remotely difficult. I couldn’t sleep at night, was sensitive to light, got urine infections constantly and could barely move during the day. I was physically and emotionally drained and my ex and I became vile to each other. We screamed at each other and broke down constantly. He was overworked and I was shattered from all the problems. Most nights we only cuddled to feel comfort but neither of us were happy. It had to end.

I went in to labour with my son on his due date of 30th of May, 2010. He was born naturally…an amazing birth, 7lb 10oz on 1st June 2010. My 18th birthday was the 16th June. My ex and I had the most amazing, peacefully beautiful first two weeks with our son, but after that…back to normal. When he was one month old, I left his dad and moved back to my home town. I set up a new life for myself, even though deep down I wanted back my family with Bubba and his dad. It’s been 7 months since I left and 4 months ago I started going out with someone I knew from school. I was so happy. He made me comfortable to be myself. He says he doesn’t care what I look like. But it was when I looked around me at all the people I used to be best friends with that I saw how much I changed. One of my old friends told me I was fat and disgusting.

Before my son, I weighed 45kg (99pounds) and was a size 7 (NZ sizes) in shoes and 5ft 3. Now I am still 5ft 3. But I gained 25 kg (55pounds) and went up a shoe size and I hate myself. I also discovered I have depression. It made sense, since I can’t sleep at nights and NOTHING makes me happy. I feel as if the experience I had with my ex and being isolated caused this as I have not been happy since before my pregnancy. Also I feel like i’ve lost myself in a adult world before I was ready to be one. I realise now that most people dont learn they aren’t ready unless they are forced into parenthood.

The night my friend said that, I looked in the mirror and realised I even thought I was ugly. I had been hiding from myself but now it all came to light. The fat thighs, flabby stomach, fat arms and stretch marks were bad enough, but they could be hidden. It was my face I cried about most. It had completely changed and was fat and scarred. I feel as if I am disgusting, I look in the mirror and don’t even see myself anymore. Every part of me has changed, everything. I want to love who I am, but I cant. I feel like i’m dreaming that i’m someone else but it’s more like a never-ending nightmare. I want to change but I can barely afford to live so I cant afford gyms or 3 decent meals a day or anything like that. But I’m trying to cope. Slowly working things out.

The only good thing I have truly and forever is my beautiful boy, who amazes me everyday with how much he learns. He clapped today for the first time. Soon he will crawl. Watching him grow makes me so much happier. He is my only light and I would’ve given in to my sadness if not for him.

Thank You

Am I the only one? (Randi)

~Age: 20
~Number of pregnancies and births: two pregnancies. One still birth at 22 weeks pregnant. One live birth.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: son Jacob is 15months old. So 15 months pp.

I have always wanted to be a mother. Not necessarily get pregnant at a young age I always knew I would be a good mother.. When the time came. I was dating a guy I prefer to remain nameless but for this story let’s call him joe. Joe and I were not together for very long. Just long enough for me to realize he was a loser who dropped out of high school. Didnt care about getting a job and really wasn’t going anywhere in life. So I left him. No big deal. A few weeks later I took a pregnancy test and to my horror I was pregnant. Pregnant and alone. I managed the courage to call him and tell him we needed to meet up and talk. When i told him the news he said “well I hope u get an abortion, or else prepare to be a single mother” those were exact words I can’t force myself to forget. So I then found the courage to tell my parents. They were nothing but understanding, my mom told me “what’s done is done, and now we just need topray and take it day by day”. I’m so glad I have such an amazing family.

So the days went by and I spent a lot of my time crying and wondering how I was going to do this. I looked into options. Abortion was never an option, not for me. And I couldn’t figure out how I could carry a baby for nine months and then give it up for adoption. So my decision was made. I was going to keep the baby and do the best I could. Over the next few weeks I met a guy I really liked. His name is nick, But telling him I was pregnant is not something that was on the top of my to do list. But eventually I did, I told him over the phone. Immediately after I told him, he had to get off the phone. I figured “great” I scared away the only man willing to spend time with me. A few days later he sent me a text asking if he could take me out to dinner and talk to me. Of course I agreed. He told me that he didn’t care that I was pregnant and wasn’t going anywhere. Over the next few months he became very active in my pregnancy. He went to doctor appointments, ultrasounds, and even birthing class’s. On my birthday he told me that he loved me more than anything in the world and wanted to marry me and raise this baby as his own. I didn’t know what to say. He made me so happy I couldn’t say no. Every night we would lay in bed and hen would rub my belly and sing to the baby and read him books. Before we fell asleep he would get his face right up to my belly button and whisper “I can’t wait to meet you, daddy loves you son”. Not long after I was 2 weeks overdue and scheduling a c section. On august 12th 2009 my son Jacob Dean was born at 9 pounds 6 ounces. Nick cried and said “my son is so beautiful”. Jacob had some health issues and was in an incubator for a few days and had an iv. Nick never left my side once. He ate in the hospital cafeteria and showered in my rooms bathroom. Every time Jacob cried it was his duty to change diapers since I could barely move due to the c section. Nick is an only child with no cousins. Jacob was the first baby he had ever held. But he did an amazing job. He never complained about anything and was just so great with the baby.

Then it was time to go home, and all of a sudden all the confidence I had…was gone. I didn’t have a nurse to help me when I didn’t know what to do. We were on our own. My head was filled with “what if’s”. I didn’t know how I would take care of this tiny life. Every time I looked in the mirror I was disgusted by what I saw. I saw this ugly stretch marked skin and flabby fat that hung over the top of my jeans. I didn’t fit into any of my clothes and I felt like a whale. Nick always told me how beautiful I was and that now my body is beautiful in a new way. I carried and brought a life into the world. He said I should feel proud. But whenever I would breastfeed I would sit in our room and cry, and sometimes I didn’t even know why I was crying. I had a beautiful son and an amazing boyfriend but I was so unhappy with how I looked that I looked over all that. And reality also set in that I couldn’t go back to work and we didn’t know how we were going to pay for all the things he needed. I thought for sure nick would leave when he saw what actually went into being a parent. But he didn’t, he never left our side.

Now our son is one and a half. He is a happy boy who still has a great number of health issues. We live with my inlaws but soon will have to leave since we can’t afford the rent. We haven’t paid them rent in over six months. I am back in school and actually about to graduate and get my liscence as an Esthetician. Nick is still by my side and Jacob loves him more than anything in the world. Inside I sometimes still get sad that Jacobs biological father doesn’t care about him. He is not a good guy and would not have made a good father but it still hurts me that he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that he has a son and he has never wanted to see him, I don’t know why this bothers me, am I wrong for feeling this way? I don’t understand it and it confuses me. I wonder why Jacob and I weren’t good enough for him and his family. When Jacob grows up I have no idea what I’ll tell him. He knows nick is his dad. Anyone can make a baby. But a parent is a nurturer. A role model. And a provider. Nick is the one who gets up with him in the night, feeds him in the day, plays with him at the park, picks when up when he falls down and gives him praise when he does something good. I feel sad that his biological father will never know what am amazing child Jacob is. And I think I’m wrong to feel that way.

I know my life is not that interesting and thank you to anyone who read this far. I guess I just needed to vent, tell someone my story. I always am at home and crave adult interaction. I’m scared because my son is almost out of diapers and I know I can’t afford to buy him more. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who has these feelings. Are there other women out there who can relate? Who have input? I am eternally grateful to my boyfriend. He dropped everything he used to love for Jacob and me. He always tells me he wouldn’t change his decision for the world. He wants to try again for another baby. He loves being a father and he is great at it. My family loves him and they love that he is taking part in raising Jacob. They are grateful he came into our lives as well. Some people tell me I’m wrong for letting a man who isn’t the biological father raise him. I don’t get why that’s wrong. He loves Jacob. That’s what matters. Right? This site has made me see how real women are and how real our feelings are. We aren’t like the women in magazines. We aren’t back to a size two a week after birth. Thank you to everyone who writes thier stories on here. It made me not afraid to speak out about my story and my life. I just wanted to feel important and tell my story. To someone who will care about it.

Picture 1: nick and baby Jacob. I wasn’t out of surgery yet.
Picture 2: my mom holding baby Jacob. My first look at him right after my c section.
Picture 3: Jacob in his daddy’s arms. 2 weeks old.
Picture 4: nick and Jacob. One year old.
Picture 5: me and Jacob
Picture 6: Jacob now at 1 and a half.

Has it been 4 years already? (Amanda)

Age: 21
Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 1 miscarriage, 1 birth
Child’s Age: 4 years

I can’t believe it’s been 4 years already. My body has done some amazing things! When I got pregnant, I was only 17. Like most 17 year olds, I had a nice cute little perfect body. (Of course I didn’t think so at the time…). I weighed around 140, and got up to about 180 during my pregnancy.

Afterwards, I developed severe post-partum depression. I didn’t eat, barely slept, and since I was breastfeeding I lost weight ridiculously fast. In 2 weeks I dropped down to 130, well below my pre-pregnancy weight.

Once I went on meds, my mood (and my weight) stabilized at a much more healthy level. And since then, it has been a few years. My weight has crept up slowly, and I’m back up at 180.

Anyway, here are some pictures of me. I have one of those awesome botticelli bodies, at least I think so. Of course, there are those few areas that bug me. For some reason, my stretch marks have never faded. And I have that not-so-attractive shelf because of my cesarean scar. But, in general, I think I’m pretty cute! Even without the flat stomach and perky boobs. My body says I’m good at bearing children, which I’m assuming is attractive to men. At least, I haven’t had very many people turn me down!

Uterine Prolapse (Tosha)

2 pregnancies 2 births
13 months PP

I am a 22 year old wife and mother to a great husband and 2 wonderful little boys. I have never been extremely happy w/ my body even though I’ve always been on the small side it makes me sick to look @ old pics b/f kids when I thought I was so fat. I found out I was pregnant w/ my 1st son when I was 18 and I threw up every day all day for the 1st 4 months but after that it was a breeze. I had to be induced at 40 weeks b/c I couldn’t go into labor on my own on August 16 2010 I had my 1st boy Isaac he was 7 pounds 13 oz. and very handsome lol When he was 2 my husband & I decided we were ready for another baby & on December 15 2009 we welcomed our 2nd boy Wyatt he was 8 pounds 6 oz. the pregnancy was much better this time so I was prepared for round 2 lol but it didn’t quite go as planned. Once again I had to be induced at 40 weeks b/c I didn’t go into labor on my own & everything went fine until it was time to push… I gave birth to my beautiful son and then came the afterbirth & then came my uterus- yes my uterus I instantly knew something was wrong & asked the dr. what happened & he told me my uterus came out! I was freaking out the nurse was making calls & asked if I could @ least hold my baby b/f they took me to surgery they let me touch & glance @ him then told my hubby to take him to the nursery. The dr. wrapped up my uterus & we headed to surgery. The last thing I remember is them putting me on the table ( I passed out from blood loss) I had to have 4 units of blood & I was so weak I couldn’t even sit up. I am so thankful for my dr. for being trained on what to do in this rare situation. Anyway sorry this is such a long post thank you for taking the time to read my story. I still have a way to go to fully love myself & appreciate my body but I wouldn’t trade my boys for anything! I have recently started Insanity so I hope I will get some great results & post some amazing after photos! Once again thanks for reading my story and thank you Bonnie for creating this site :)

The 1st 4 pics are of me now 13 months pp & the last one is a pic of my handsome boys :)

Updated here.

Pregnancy and postpartum with twin girls (Shelly)

Age: 35
6 pregnancies that included 5 live births, including full term twins.
Would be 15.5 yrs old (Passed away sadly), 14 year old, 5 year old, and ten month old twin girls.
10 months postpartum
In the pregnancy pic I’m almost 33 wks with twins. (I grew MUCH MORE by 37 wks. when I delivered.)
I am 9 weeks postpartum in the after-preggo pictures. Thanks to my belly binding! I owe it all to that!
Me with my twins at 7 weks old.

All vaginal births. I have no battle scars to share, but I would have worn them with pride, because my children are SO worth anything. I believe a woman should love herself as she is, but I don’t blame those, like myself who rub creams to prevent stretchmarks and use binders to close diastasis and flatten mummy tummies.

The human body is beautiful. ALL shapes, sizes, and colors! I decided to put a nude pic up because I think the pregnant woman’s body is a beautiful thing, but I did cut my head off, lol.

First Baby at 16 Years Old and Still Going! (Kasee)

I got pregnant at 15 and had my first baby at 16. I always thought cocoa butter would not give me stretch marks and loose skin ! Let me tell you…I was wrong. I was so hurt when I see the stretch marks appear, loose skin, and breasts that sag. I knew I could never ever wear a bikini again no matter how much weight I lost. There would always be loose skin and stretch marks. My second baby at 21 – 22 I did not get anymore stretch marks or loose skin. Now I am working on number 3 and Im due Feb 20th. Still no more stretch marks or loose skin. I am trying to accept my body and how it will never change. I need to see the beauty that I made with my children and be blessed that my body held them. I should look at my body as a trophy and rewarding for my blessings. I still struggle with this. I know this site will help me.

I am 23 years old. I am on my third pregnancy. My daughter is 7 and my son is 18 months.

022811-kasee-1

Update (Kat)

Original entry here.

I switched up my workout (flirty girl and carmen electra got too easy) so now I’m doing hip hop abs. Once I’m done with the 4 week plan for that, I’m going to start p90x.

I have started doing modeling jobs(I have a model mayhem account now! under the user girl08er). I am so excited! I have wanted to model for years now! My stretch marks are still fading pretty fast. I have been using celtrixa on them twice a day. I think I may be using olay wrinkle cream soon as well, to help tighten the skin back up.

My husband got a job recently that pays amazing, so I can finish up with my degree and focus on starting my sociology and modeling/dancing careers.

My son has gotten huge! At 3 months old he is wearing 6-9 months. He’s 95% in height still, and 75% in weight. He is sitting up on his own, crawling everywhere, and is starting to mimic the syllables in the words me and his daddy say to him. He’s such a little talker! And he’s starting to try and do the work out moves with me as he watches from the couch! I see an athlete in our future!

The pictures:
first 3- my progress so far
4th- my son’s sweet smile
5th- my son in what I call his “Jeff Bridges” outfit
6th-8th- pictures of me when I was pregnant(I realized that I had none on the first post for comparison)