Submissions

Tanner’s Mommy (Chelsi)

Bonnie (SOAM) Children with Health Complications, First Pregnancy, NICU, Submissions 9 Comments

Age- 20
Number of pregnancies and births- 1
Age of of your children- 2years

I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant. I was so terrified, I didnt know what to do. My boyfriend, tanners dad… Was there for me threw everything and still is. When i was 3 months pregnant I told my mom, my parents didn’t take it well. Which was expected. Within the next week I went to my doctor to make sure everything was alright and have a ultrasound. It was me, my boyfriend, and my mom in the room. At first everything looked fine. Just an adorable lil baby. Then the ultrasound tech decided to take one last look… She stopped, started to look at the screen very closely. I immediately knew something was wrong. She told me that she was going to send me to another hospital that could see my baby clearer, because she saw something on his stomach… But she couldn’t see exactly what it was. The next week we had another appointment at the specialist. That week waiting for our appointment to come, was the longest week of my life. I had no idea what could be wrong with my baby. Waiting for my name to be called in the waiting room was the hardest thing… I was so nervous. My boyfriend couldn’t make it because of work. Even though my mom was there, I felt so alone. They took me back into the ultrasound room. When she started, the first thing I looked at was his heart, i saw it beating and was imeadiatly relieved. When the ultrasound was over, the waiting began again. My doctor finally came into the exam room, she was holding a whole bunch of pamphlets, a notebook and a pen. She sat down and said. Your baby has something called Gastroschisis The word was so big.. It was so scary hearing it. I had no idea what that ment. She started drawing on her notebook…. She said Gastroschisis is when a baby is born with the intestines on the outside. It happened because the hole in his abdomen didn’t close all the way. So the intestines come out the hole cause there is room for them to do so. I was speachless. I’ve heard about this on the discovery channel.. I never thought this would happen to me, or my baby. She told me that everything will be alright and that there are doctors in that very hospital that could help him when he was born. I couldn’t figure out why this happened, was it something i did? Was it something i didn’t do? I took my prenatal vitamines like i was sopost to. The doctor told me that they dont know why this happenes, i could have been cause i was so young. Over the next couple weeks till our next appointment all i did was research. Even though Everything that i read was very positive. I was still scared out of my mind. Over the next few months we met with NICU nurses and surgeons. They all told me the same thing.. He was going to be okay. When he was born they would take him and place his lower half in a bag to keep out all the bacteria. Then he would be taken into surgery. They couldn’t know how much of his intestines were out till he was born, so we could only hope that it wasn’t very much. Because if there wasn’t a lot they could do everything they needed to in one surgery and then then let him recover. But if there was a lot out, they would have to put something called a silo around the intestines, so that in time(a few days to a few weeks) the intestines would retract back into his body. I just wanted to do whatever was best for my baby, whatever would make him better so he could have a normal life. We got everything set up, ready for his arrival. My doctor thought it would be best if I was induced, so that we could control when he came so that we could make sure the surgeon and all the nurses would be there. On October 25th, me and my boyfriend left the house at 11:00 on our way to the hospital. The whole car ride there, I didn’t actually believe we were going to have our baby that night. I was strangely calm. We got to the Check in desk, they told me that my doctor actually put me down for midnight the next day. Which was strange, it’s like I knew that was going to happen. They told me to come back at 7:00 am. We then once again started our way back to the hospital. This time was a different story, I knew today was the day that my life would change for ever. I was so scared for my baby. All I wanted to do was keep him with me where I knew he was safe. I got induced shortly after 8:00 am. I was 39 weeks and 5 days. They placed a half of a pill ‘down there’ that was sopost to start contractions… That didn’t work so they placed the other half. Still nothing. They decided to place a vaginal balloon to stretch me so that hopefully that would start contractions. Contractions slowly started to happen, but more that anything I just wanted to sleep, since I didnt get very much sleep the night before, I was very tired. Things started to pick up, I couldnt sleep. They gave me a shot in my hip to help me sleep. Which helped for a minute then i ended up puking my guts out. Since I couldn’t sleep we watched Knocked Up (probably wasn’t the best to watch right before giving birth). Right after the movie ended things started to go really fast. I ended up getting a epidural. A little while later my doctor came in a checked me. I was at 10 centemeters. They took me back into the surgery room, so that i could deliver. 42 minutes later I gave birth to a beautiful 7 pound, 19in baby boy. They held him up to show me then he was taken away. I got to see him an hour after he was born in the NICU. My boyfriend wheeled me in once in saw his bed I immediately broke into tears. When in saw him for the first time, my jaw dropped. He was so beautiful, so perfect. He had a full head of black hair. He had his dad’s nose. They had him sedated. We only had a short time with him before he had to be taken back to surgery. When we left I gave him a kiss on his forehead and told him that his mommy loved him very much, everything was going to be okay. I would be there when he woke up. We were taken back to the recovery part of the labory and delivery. We sat in our room waiting for the call that he was out of surgery and was perfectly fine. About an hour later we got the call. We rushed down to be by his side. He was still the most perfect little boy ever. They were able to do what they needed to in one surgery. Now for the first time in 5 months i could breathe. Even though i knew there were still hard days ahead of us. I knew the hardest part was over, the next couple of days were very important. They told me he would spend at minimum a month in the NICU. Next We needed to see if he could absorb the liquid food he was getting threw this IV and that he could poop. After a couple days of waiting, i changed his diaper, when I saw his lil poop, I jumped up and down and said u did it baby, u did it! Since we knew his intestines weren’t damaged from being out so long in the whomb. We had to wait for him to start eating breast milk, finally the time came to actually feed him. That was the first time we were able to be alone. Just me and him. Even though we were still in the hospital. I forgot about all that, it was just be and my baby boy. He quickly started eating more and more. I put everything on hold to be there with my baby over the month he was in the hospital and after he came home. I didn’t want him to be alone for one second. I spend everyday and night that he was in the NICU, right there by his side. We made it to his 1 year appointment! They said that his inside incision was comepletely closed and that he was as perfect as perfect could be. They told me I had nothing to worry about anymore, I still found myself checking his belly bottom to just to make sure. Over the next year he grew, and grew. He met all his milestones. Since then, I’ve graduated high school (on time) , now making plans for college, we even got our own place. Were doing really good. Its almost his second birthday and he’s still perfect! He’s sooo big and smart, he’s the smartest lil boy in the world and he’s all mine! Everyday I thank god for helping my baby threw the hard times. I’m the luckiest mommy in the world! Thank you for taking time to read my story! It means a lot!

First picture- The day Tanner was born.
Second picture- His first day home.
Third picture- Almost 2 years old.

Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful (Sia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 6 Comments

Most recent post here.

age: 18
months pp: 15 months (WOW time sure does fly!)
weight: 96 pounds

Hello again lovely ladies! This is my last update on SOAM, again I would like to say how much this website has helped me through my struggles with my pp body! All of you woman are amazing and wonderful in your own way!

I have finally reached my pre pregnacy weight! Even though my scale says the same weight, my body is still never going to be the same. And I would not have it any other way. My daughter and I have both grown tremendously. I love the life I live and love my body just as much. Being a single mother isnt always easy, but being a mother in general is the greatest gift god has ever given me. Every day is a blessing with my beautiful little girl. I have lost all my baby weight, but I still sag non the less. haha and to my miss fortune, losing the baby weight has made me lose my breasts. I have always had a flat chest but after having Kennedy, I had the boobs I had never had before. Annndddd now they are gone once more :( oh well I guess boobs were never supposed to be in my cards. At least I save 10 bucks on bras by being able to buy them in the little girls section instead of the juniors/womans. Always a bright side to everything!! I am not going to go on a rant, as I have in my past posts. The only message I have from this post is to love your body, not matter what size and shape.I realized how much time I wasted on wishing I was thinner. Because when I look back, I dont think about how much I hated the way I looked, I think about how my daughter has grown and how smart she has become and how beautiful she is growing up to be. Be your own kind of beautiful, because we are all beautiful! Every woman is, wheather they have bared a child or not. Our bodies dont define how beautiful we are. Nor does our weight. WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. Ok so I went on a little rant ;) thanks for reading!!

Sad But Not Giving Up Hope (Anon)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

I’m writing to you all the from Jamaica. I’m 23 years old and 3 weeks 1 day postpartum. Maybe its too early for me to submit my story since I’ve not yet healed properly, but I just wna share my story.

Also, I must say that I read the stories of other strong beautiful mothers daily. Its very encouraging and helps me to embrace my body. So maybe my story will encourage you. My mother also encourages me a lot. She has 3 of us, when she was my age (23) she was done with kids. She is still suffering with her image and insomnia to this day. But no one knows unless she tells them. When she sees her children, all grown up, she says she’s nevr been happier.

I got pregnant December last year for my boyfriend of 2 yrs, I nevr wanted kids, I love my freedom, and loved my body even more. It made me, me. A confident individual. A bit too confident maybe. Before getting pregnant I was 137 pounds, 182 pounds at 39 weeks. I’m 5’5″. During my pregnancy I worried about stretch marks, the most, I rubbed my belly with olive oil and cocoa butter almost evry day. Initially, I had a small belly, at 6 months my fundal height was 13 inches. In just a few weeks my belly skyrocketed. At first they came on my sides. They were real small, and right before my eyes, they exploded. I thought I cud wrk with tht. But not on my belly please stay away. I also got them on my legs and calves. But not my belly.

I was happy that my chances of escaping stretch marks on my belly. At 38 weeks pregnant my doc said he’d induce me at 39 weeks. My baby’s head was in the birth canal, and could come at anytime, I lived abt 45 mins from the hospital, he didn’t want any accidents, so thts the reason I was induced.

I got home from my 38 week check up, laying in bed, my mom expressed shock, she saw lines on my belly, one more week to go, and they had to show up there ugly selves. I cried that night. I was crushed. Depressed. My mother comforted me, told me wen I have my baby I’ll appreciate it. I started having nightmares, because I was so deep in thought tht my bf may not want me any more. He nver liked big girls. I told him how I felt, told him my nightmares. He told me id be fine and should not worry. When he saw the marks, he laughed and asked me if that was really why I was behaving like that. It made me smile. He even bought me oils and creams tht would help get them off. I’ve not seen any improvements yet, but its just been 3 weeks. 6 days after giving birth I weighed 165 pounds.
My boyfreind tells me to be patient, and tht I’ll be fine. Even though my body won’t go back to normal, I’m now a mother, so I’ll hv a body thts considered normal for my new role in life.

I had a problem free pregnancy, smooth delivery. Painful, but worth evry second, I thank God.
I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy weighing 8 pounds 4 ounces on the 9th of september, 10 days before my 23rd bday, the 19-9. I love him so much, he has made me appreciate life so much more, he makes me smile evryday. I’m happy I have him. And evry one says he looks just like me.
I promise to keep u posted.

The first 3 pics: pre preggo
4th: day after delivery
5th: 10 days after delivery
6th: 11 days after delivery
7th: side stretch marks
8th: full body
9 & 10th: 2 weeks 3 days after delivery, belly up close
11th: my sweetie pie
12 &13: 38 & 39 weeks

Updated here.

The beauty of my twin shaped body. (Stephanie M)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom, Twins 7 Comments

This was my first pregnancy and I was 19. I had complication after complication. First I ended up in the hospital at 8 weeks because they thought I was miscarrying, only to find out I had been blessed with not one baby, but two! Now before 19, I was a runner and in shape. I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect body if I tried (sorry if that sounds like bragging..), and when I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. In my mind I was going to be the size of a house with one baby growing in my belly, so what would two do to me?! But then I just started to grow, normally. I didn’t get too big too fast, or so I thought (looking back at the pictures I really did.. haha). But I was so sick throughout the entire pregnancy that because I would step on the scale and have lost weight, I didn’t really notice. As time went by, at around 20 weeks, I started to notice that my normal clothes didn’t fit anymore, but hey – that was normal. Then by 25 weeks, my maternity clothes didn’t fit anymore. By the time I was 30+ weeks, I wasn’t going outside much because I was so big it was hard to move around, so I just stayed in and wore PJ pants and night gowns all the time. My strangest memory was going out at Christmas time, which was 12 weeks before I had my boys, and buying a shirt that was sized 2X, and two weeks later, I didn’t have a hope or prayer that it would fit me. So, skipping the last few weeks until I was 36 weeks pregnant. It was about 2am and I was in the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, I was pretty well not functioning. So off to the hospital we went. After a few hours of testing, I found out that I was severely anemic, and if I didn’t get a blood transfusion right away, I could die during my c-section. (For those of you who don’t know much about anemia, your blood iron levels [hemoglobin] are supposed to be around 140-150, mine was at 68. When you go into a surgery it drops down 20-30 more, and around the 40 mark is where you drop into a coma. Oh yea, super fun hey?) So that was 3 days spent in the hospital, but then I was good, I was ready to go. And I felt great! So two and a half weeks later, on March 16th, 2011 (just 3 days after my 20th birthday), I went in at 6am to be prepped and have my boys. At this point I was still super disappointed I had to do the c-section and didn’t get to do it natural, because I was told I could have gotten back to a workout routine sooner with a natural birth.. but oh well, it had to happen for their safety and hey, I still had breast feeding to help me lose weight! Well, that didn’t work out either.Come to find out that because of my anemia and a few complications with the surgery, I was left unable to breast feed. So there went that idea. But I made it through all of that, and I had two gorgeous little men to show for it. Dominic Gerald Michael Peddle-McLeod born at 8:40am at 6pounds 9ounces, and James Ronald Alexander Peddle-McLeod born at 8:41am at 7pounds 14ounces.

Now, I am 6 1/2 months PP, and still working on getting this body back to normal. Some days are a sad struggle, wishing I was what I used to be, but then I remember what came out of it, and I’m alright again.

picture order.
1 – 12 weeks pregnant.
2 – 18 weeks pregnant.
3 – 26 weeks pregnant.
4 – 37 weeks pregnant.
5 – 38 weeks pregnant.
6 – about 8 hours after birth, my two boys.
7 – my boys now, at 6 months.
8 – me now at 6 months PP.

Learning to Love My Pregnant Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

Age: 24
1st pregnancy; 25 weeks along

I’ve always been naturally skinny. I guess you could blame good genetics. I’m almost 5’9″ and have always weighed anywhere from 124-128. As of right now I am 25 weeks pregnant and I’ve already gained 22 pounds! (150 lbs) I am having such a hard time loving this temporary but new body of mine. I always thought that I would be so cute pregnant…all belly! Well that is not the case! My butt, hips, & thighs have expanded just as much as my belly has. I had to stop wearing shorts at around 13 weeks because my once smooth butt and thighs now have dimples galore! I feel like I am not able to 100% enjoy my pregnancy because I’m so worried about how I look now, what I’ll look like towards the end, & if I’ll be able to get my body back after my son is born. I think about it everyday and I know that may make me seem shallow or vain/conceited but I want to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see! I want my husband to be attracted to me. Finding this website has truly been a gift. Although I am still not completely happy with my growing body my outlook as truly changed. I’m starting to understand that this body that I despise so much is giving me my greatest gift ever and that I should embrace it and know that it will all be worth it. I admire all of the strong, beautiful women on this site & would love to receive more advice and words of wisdom because I know that things are just gonna get better from here!!

I Feel Like a Woman Now, 20lbs Heavier (Ashley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 9 Comments

I have always been a rather thin girl. Perhaps bordering pre-pubescent. I was never one to be hit on or even complimented. Instead I got the, “omg do you need help. Lets get her to a clinic right away.” Standing 5’7″, I was 130 lbs pre-pregnancy and wore a size 7. I had a fairly easy pregnancy until the last 10 weeks and managed to pack on 75 lbs. I was miserable and so swollen I couldnt even wear sandals. I guess this is what the expression barefoot and pregnant is referring to haha. Immediately after I had my son via emergency C section, I was 186, by the time I got home 10 days later due to complications I was 165. And there it sat, for over a month. The scale did not want to budge no matter what I did. So I stopped worrying about it, donated all my old clothes and treated myself to some new pieces that were made for my new size and shape. Today, 3 months postpartum I am 150lbs and wearing a size 11. When I first came home from the hospital I cried. My body was never going to be the same, but then this strange thing happened. I felt womanly for the first time in my life. No longer am I being looked at and treated like a 13 year old girl. No longer does my husband feel like he’s a pedophile (ok, maybe this is just my strange sense of humor talking). I LOVE looking in the mirror and seeing curves. Real live curves. I feel sexy, I feel womanly. I feel like people look at me and respect me as a mother. I am thankful for this extra weight.
Yeah, I do have plenty of stretch marks and that lovely flap of skin over my incision but my advice to all ladies struggling with your new bodies is: Give it time. The more you love yourself the better you will look. Don’t aim to fit into your old pants. Dress for the body you have now.

First Picture: 40 weeks pregnant
2nd pic: 39 weeks pregnant_front
3rd pic: 9 days post partum
4th pic: 3 months post partum
5th pic: My son at 3 days old
6th pic: My son at 3 months oldI Feel Like a Woman Now, 20lbs Heavier

The Best Thing About My Pregnancy is That it’s Over (I.L.)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

Age: 30
Pregnancies and births: 1/1, my toddler is now 22 months old. I got pregnant a few weeks before my 28th birthday.

Pregnancy and birth have not changed my body that much on the outside. I have a hypertrophic-but-fading lower segment cesarean scar on my belly right above the pubic bone, a few stretch marks I got the day I
went into labour and don’t tend to notice anymore because they have faded, slightly more deflated small-ish breasts (mine were never particularly perky to begin with) and the skin on my belly is the tiniest bit more stretched than it used to be. Bar the cesarean scar that changes colours from silvery white to angry red when I’m on my period or ovulating (!) none of the changes are that noticeable. I gained 25 kg (55 lbs) or thereabouts during pregnancy and have lost most of that slowly during the last 22 months without dieting for
weight loss.

I lift weights and stay physically active for strength, for fun, for the sheer joy of it, and because I want to feel at one with my flesh instead of viewing myself through a distorted lens of body obsession; I don’t avoid pointless self criticism always, but I do try hard to do so. Mostly I’m fine. I enjoy cooking, eating, planning meals, dining out, eating mindfully and with great pleasure. This, to me, means I try to get in enough protein to sustain muscle growth, generally although not always opt for cooking my own food to know what’s in it,
and avoiding gluten whenever possible (it makes my reflux worse) — but I don’t generally worry much about what I put in my mouth, except in terms of whether the taste would benefit from adding more butter.
:-)

Life is enjoyable and I feel good being myself. The way I try to (and often do) view myself and my body, the way I talk about myself and other women, the way I enjoy my physicality, these are all gifts I want to give to my daughter, but I’m not doing them only because I want to be a good role model to her. I am doing them because they’re right and sane and wholesome. I can appreciate myself without needing to think it’s for the sake of my daughter; it is, but more importantly it’s for me.

My pregnancy, a completely different story. It was a crapshot — we weren’t supposed to be able to conceive the natural way but somehow did — and crappy besides: I had a psychotic episode in the first
trimester, then heartburn, reflux, sciatica, insomnia, and as the cherry on top of this cake a UTI/kidney infection and hydronephrosis (distended kidneys) of pregnancy for which I was hospitalised for four days by the end of the second trimester. I spent the last three months of my pregnancy on my left side or on all fours, drinking the vile swill prescribed by my urologist: unsweetened cranberry juice and water, at least three to four litres of this per day. I was told I should pee whenever I felt the slightest urge to for fear of urinary backflow, which meant I was running to the loo four times every hour, also in the nights. It took several months for my bladder sensation to return fully after delivery. I had no issues with incontinence before or after pregnancy, but I did suffer from not knowing whether my bladder was full or not, as the pee-as-often-as-possible-just-in-case regime removed my capacity to recognise when I actually need to go.

Then I had a baby, which meant three days of labour. I didn’t mind the pain, as I found it easy enough to relax between contractions once I hit real labour and as I was very dedicated to seeing things through
the natural way if at all possible. Turns out this wasn’t to be the case, and I had cesarean surgery… with insufficient anesthesia, as I could feel a little window of pain on the left side when they cut. Not my best moment. Afterwards, the dragon nurse at the maternity ward told me — screamed at me, really — that paracetamol (acetaminophen for North Americans) is perfectly sufficient as a pain killer for post-cesarean pain and that other women have also had cesareans, why do I complain and cry so? I was not happy with my cesarean but could eventually came to terms with it. Being denied appropriate pain relief afterwards however meant I had severe problems with PTSD for more than a year postpartum. I also felt let down by my partner who couldn’t grasp the severity of the situation until way after the fact, and still feel deep sadness and anger over what happened. At least I’m no longer reliving my horrible birth experience and over and over, unable to sleep or go out for fear of breaking down in public.

It also took me quite a long time to bond with my baby, but I did expect this and wasn’t actually too alarmed when I didn’t feel a huge surge of love for my newborn. Frankly I wasn’t particularly interested in her when they showed her to me in the operating theatre — in my defense, I had other more pressing problems at hand, like feeling really awfully sorry for myself and wanting to die — and my strongest emotions in the first weeks after her birth were mild interest and confusion. Love, that took a while to arrive. I started out breastfeeding as I had planned to do, as all the women in my family had done, and we had a few miserable months of it because of thrush on my nipples, which I likely got from the antibiotics given to me during
the cesarean birth of my daughter. Healthcare professionals were a joke when it came to nursing support and/or medical help with this, but I persevered and did my research online, sent my partner out for a
bottle of gentian violet and put myself and my baby on a kill-the-yeasties regime. It worked, and we’re still going strong with breastfeeding 22 months after her birth. I expected to be done by now — I nursed for 15 months myself and thought we’d go to a similar length — and I am starting to feel like I’m ready to wean in the not-too-far future, but I know my daughter is not and so I’m merely working on limiting the frequency of her nursing sessions to a few times per day to avoid maternal burn out. She’ll wean when she’s ready to; I can wait.

I did not feel a strong need to procreate before I had my daughter. We were undecided, thinking “maybe in a few years” when we found out my partner has Homer Simpson sperm and is unlikely to have a child the
natural way. We dropped contraceptives immediately after hearing about this, reasoning that a) life will be so much easier when we don’t have to bother with solutions that aren’t working that well for us (cervical cap + spermicides = raging yeast infections for the both of us, condoms were not particularly comfortable for him, and hormonal methods are too likely to make me batshit crazy, or crazier than I usually am in any case) and b) if we end up somehow making a child, wouldn’t that be the luckiest, rarest, weirdest, most wonderful thing
ever? I got pregnant before a year had passed. Now, after having that one child, I find I have a bad case of the baby rabies… only, the idea of pregnancy (and finding a qualified nurse-midwife who does homebirths in my area AND has a personality that doesn’t clash with mine) makes me reach for a paper bag to breathe into.

I don’t often think of life in terms of lucky vs unlucky, but I do when it comes to pregnancy and birth. There, I was dealt a bad hand. I’m not sure I have it in myself to go through it again, particularly when I know my kidney issues are very likely to also be an issue in a future pregnancy. I’m aware of and educated on great many issues surrounding birth, I am not easily cowed by anyone, I have the wisdom from experience, the support of my fantastic partner and a lot of different options with pre/postnatal and childbirth care thanks to
where I live … and I’m really scared, because while all these factors would and will contribute towards not having unnecessary medical interventions done before, during or after childbirth, they will do absolutely nothing if and when there IS a real medical need for such. I would know. And I’m not sure I’m mentally strong enough to deal with the anxiety and uncertainty, nevermind the medical issues present, on the next round.

Really, the best thing about my pregnancy is that it’s over.

The photos included: myself 22 months postpartum twice, my toddler nursing her teddy bear in the middle of Ikea, myself looking for braaaaains! at 37 weeks pregnant, myself at the age of 25 before pregnancy.

Body Image Issues, Husband Not Helping (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 40 Comments

Age: 23
Number of births: 1
Age of Child: 2 months
Currently 2 months post par tum

My story goes back all the way to elementary school when I started struggling with body image issues. I had precocious puberty which is basically going through puberty way too early. I started my period at age 8 and had severe acne by age 10. Obviously I was very different than all the other girls my age, and not in a good way. Not only was I going through all this, but I was also at a very awkward age. I was a little chubby compared to all the “pretty girls”. Boys constantly teased me about my severe acne saying things like “pizza face” or they would tell me to go wash my face. I came home crying from school just about every day in 4th and 5th grade. My acne was so severe, I was the only 10 year old in the country at the time taking the strongest acne medication made. Fast forward to middle school. My face finally cleared up and I had the biggest breasts in the entire school. Boys were actually paying attention to me (because of my boobs lol), but I still compared myself to all the “popular girls”. First of all, I am NOT by any means “skinny”. I have never been skinny, I’ve always been “thick”. All the girls the boys were attracted to I had tiny petite frames and tiny petite weights to go along with them. I don’t know why, but I continued comparing myself. When I got to high school, I still wasn’t happy with my weight. (Looking back, I looked dang good but I always thought I was fat) I started skipping meals a lot toward my senior year and one summer all I really consumed was sugar free red bull. Living in Florida by the beach, makes it easy to be motivated to stay skinny. Like I said, I’ve never been super skinny, but when I graduated high school I weighed 145. It may seem a lot to some, but 145 looks really good on me.

My first year of college I met my husband. When we started dating, I weighed 150. My weight jumped from 150-165 over the next two years. Hubby decided to join the Air Force and when he was away at basic, I made it a priority to get back down to 145-150. I did this by working 12 hour day serving shifts, eating only one low calorie meal a day, and surviving solely on diet sodas for energy. I succeeded and looked really good when he graduated. Six months after he graduated basic, I moved up to Montana in February and we were married. From February 2010-November 2010 my weight jumped all the way up to 175. Everyone told me when I got married I would gain weight, but I didn’t think it would be that much. I got pregnant that November and of course my weight continued to sky rocket. Near Christmas, I discovered some racy videos on youtube that my husband watched. It wasn’t anything hardcore, but still upset me. He knew before we were married that I do not put up with porn or strip clubs. We are Christians and in my opinion, lusting after other women is considered cheating. He had never done that before when I was skinnier, and I felt so rejected. Because of the military, we didn’t have a wedding, so we had one on our 1 year anniversary to celebrate with our family since they weren’t there at the courthouse the year before. I knew my husband was having a bachelor party, but he kept assuring me he didn’t want to go to a strip club. Well stupid me believed him, and I found out the next day they did. It completely broke my heart. I already was feeling completely self conscious about my changing body and it made me feel uglier and uglier. I was half way through my pregnancy when that happened. Then two months later, I flew home for a baby shower. Because I was feeling very suspicious, I installed a program on our computer that tracks every move you make on it. I wanted to know if my husband was looking at inappropriate stuff on our computer. Sure enough, as soon as he dropped me off at the airport, guess what he was doing? Not only was he doing that, he was making moves to ensure I wouldn’t find out (deleting stuff, being in “private mode” on the computer, etc) This made me lose all trust in him and really took a tole on our marriage. All I could think about was how things might be different if I weren’t pregnant. If I wasn’t fat, he would want me instead of the girls on the computer. He said this was the only time he had done that since we were dating. (I just recently found out that was lie and he was looking at that stuff in December) It kind of made me resent my bulging stretch marked belly. My weight kept going up, and all I could feel was rejection from my husband. The day before I went into labor I weighed a whopping 223 pounds.

I am currently 8 weeks post par tum and weigh 190. I absolutely HATE my body. I still do not feel sexy, and don’t think I ever will again. I do love my son with all my heart though. I never thought I could love someone as much as him, and I don’t resent him at all for my body looking like it does. I am having a really hard time though because my husband comes from all brothers. The only other female in the family besides his mom is our sister in law. She is a size 0 and probably doesn’t weigh 90 pounds soaking wet. Her son is two years older than ours and you could never tell she’s ever had a baby. She has no stretch marks and returned to her pre-pregnancy size after a month post par tum. His family always talks about how small she is and how great she looks in front of me, and in a way I have built up resentment toward her because of it. I’m taking it one day at a time though and trying to come to terms with how I look now. My husband says I look sexy, but I don’t believe him. I just recently found a search of a porn star on his iPod. I know he cant possibly be turned on by me. We are trying to work and build back trust in our relationship though.If any of you knew me personally, I would NEVER in a million years show you how my body looks. But, because of all the wonderful women on this site, I am willing to open up and show pictures. I think this site is so inspiring. It makes me realize I’m not the only one who looks like this. You women are so incredibly awesome and I wish I could have one ounce of the confidence yall have.

Obsessed with this jelly belly (B.J.)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 13 Comments

I’ve struggled with my weight since I was 9.At one point in time I even became anorexic. I’ve always been one to exercise and diet to stay in shape. In high school I had a really nice body, and for once I was kind of proud of it. But at the age of 16 I got pregnant and gave birth to my son in June of 2009. I lost all of the weight really fast but my stomach is saggy and stretched with stretch marks. I can’t wear a bikini and though with clothes on my body looks fine, I try not to look at myself in the mirror with clothes off. I’m getting married in December and my fiance’ has never seen me with my clothes off. I’ve told him about this dilemma and he assures me its not that big of a deal but he hasn’t seen it yet so I’m like how can he say its not a big deal? I don’t even wanna take my shirt off around him. I’ve been dieting and exercising and though the rest of my body is in shape my stomach is so ugly. I’ve been using creams and everything but the results are limited. I emailed pictures to doctors and they tell me only a tummy tuck will fix my tummy and no amount of dieting or exercise will give me significant results. I just want my husband to think of me as beautiful when he finally sees whats underneath but I doubt he can if I can”t even look myself in the mirror.

Age:19
Number of pregnancies and childbirths:1
Age of child: 2 years
Postpartum: 2 years

How can I love my new body? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Legs, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 11 Comments

~Age:17
~Number of pregnancies and births:1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 monnths PP

I got pregnant at 16 with a beautiful baby boy. hes my world.. before getting pregnant I weighed 115 pounds and I am 5″6. wasnt fat looking just normal size. After i had my son i was breastfeeding for about 2 months. I liked it but i was so busy taking care of him and everything and he was very colicy i had to stop at 2 months. I never ate hardly anything due to always cleaning and stuff when he slept which was a bad idea.. now i currently weigh 98 pounds. i had some stretch marks before pregnancy on my upper legs and outter lower legs around my knees.. due to growth spurt and gaining alittle weight when my dad died. now i have them on my butt,boobs,stomach,behind my knees,calfs,and lots on my inner legs.. if i didnt have these stretch marks i would be so happy… i try bio oil,cocoa butter, bio lotions, baby oil, vitamin e oil , etc… i will continue using bio oil to say i atleast tried hard… but i really wish they would go away!! i look at them all the time… they make me really upset and cry sometimes. i also use a dermaroller on them… it hurts but its worth it.. i find it made them look alittle better. my boyfriend and i always argue he says they “arent that bad” but they are!! they are ALL over my inner legs.. and i really want to wear shorts.. *sigh*

Updated here.