Submissions

Tigers are tough, so that’s why I have stripes (Megan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 13 Comments

Age-21
Height-5’2
# of pregnancies- 1 miscarriage.. 1 full term
Weight gained during pregnancy- 45lbs

I am 37 weeks pregnant today. And when I look in the mirror I see warrior. My story is unfair, but I love that it happened to me. It has
given me the strength that I have needed for each and every day of these long 9 months. Lets go back to July 2011 when I found out I was
expecting, after only a month of trying with my beloved fiance of 3 years. I was over the moon with joy as I sat on my bathroom floor and
cried tears of excitement and happiness. I called my fiance and told him the good news. He sounded angry and said we would talk later. My high spirits had lowered after that and I sat there wondering what was wrong? Later on he got home and sat on the couch, he asked me to sit down. I had no idea what was about to happen, but if I did I would have had a titanium bat ready for him. He said I can’t be with you anymore. I asked why. He said Jessica, his “ex” girlfriend, was 8 months pregnant with his child and they’ve been together for the entire time. My first thought was that he was just making this up because he was scared.. and then he whipped out the ultrasound photo of his daughter. I sat there, tears streaming down my face not even knowing how the hell this happened or how dumb I was to have missed the signs of his infidelity. How could he actively try to conceive with me knowing that he had another on the way? As I sat frozen on the couch he packed his things and left. I sat on that couch the whole night, not moving an inch, knowing that if I did I would have to go find him and kill him. A few weeks go by with no word from him, I went about my life in a zombie like state, hating him more and more every day, but realizing that I was pregnant and went for my first ultrasound. Well., that was it for me. I was in love with this
little person growing inside of me. My whole perceptive changed that day. I was glowing and excited and looking towards the future with a grin so big it could have blinded someone. When I was about 16 weeks he called me. I asked him what was up. He said he wanted nothing to do with me or my child ever again and to not contact him because he was starting his new family and didn’t want any distractions or trouble. I said No problem! and hung up the phone. I haven’t talked to him since. As my belly grew and my excitement increased, I noticed some small stretch marks.. that eventually turned into large stretch marks. And even though I am young, and my body will never be the same after this, I know that my child gave me the most amazing strength I could ever have to not break down and loose it all. But hey, I figured.. a tiger has to be tough! And god damn I was a tiger proudly sharing my stripes with all of you.

First photo- 20 weeks, no stretch marks(black and white)
Second photo- 37 weeks.. lots of stripes
Third photo- 37 weeks front view

Pregnancy I of III (Sam)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

I’m now pregnant with my third child, but I thought I would better start with the first…. so here we go…. I was always curvy, so I didn’t really experience any more stretch marks than the one I already had…. And I must say that the body just got more mature…. from a chubby teen to a curvy woman! I had no complaints about it :)

Age: Now 27 then 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 1st of 3…
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 0,3,5

Hello Again, Friends (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

Previous post here.

This is my new entry :) I made a previous entry approximately a year ago describing my issues with body image and trying to love my body. Am I there yet? I wish I could say that I am but it is a long process. I have had my struggles and to be honest some days are better than others. Some days I feel like a sexy mamma ! Other days I wear baggy clothes and I want to hide my body. You just never know. What I feel has honestly helped is working out. I am extremely passionate about it. I am six years post p and I still have the stomach of loose skin and breasts that sag more than I like. Still, when I challenge my body in a work out I feel a million times better. I feel strong despite my negative emotions about my body. When I work out I feel like it doesnt matter that my skin sags in certain spots or that I have stretch marks. All I think about is being brace and strong. There are so many emotional stories on here. What I find motivating about this site is that even if you read a sad story about a woman who fears her new body, women comment to make her feel how she truly should, a strong woman, a tiger who should be worshiped for her contribution to this world even if you feel like the only one you ever made was your child. To have a child and raise a child whether you are old or young is an amazing thing. None of us do it perfectly and we all have regrets. Lets not make our bodies one of those regrets. When you only have one life to live why punish yourself for something like this? Embrace who you are and how you feel. Acknowledge your feelings and morn the old body but embrace what is new after that. Be healthy, eat healthy and try to think healthy as a whole. Focus on that amazing child of yours :)

I give all of the women on this site a lot of credit :) Every single one of you from all walks of life….one big thing in common. The life we brought into this world !

Here are some pics :)

– one pregnancy
– 6 years pp

How did you get comfortable with your new physical self? (MK)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Question, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 10 Comments

I read about all of the women who have gone from being in shape, looking great and feeling good to looking like a “mother.” I read about how you are now comfortable and accepting of your new “beautiful” self. I am not as strong as you are. I want to be where you are mentally and I am looking to learn how you got to where you are.

I was a size 0; 119 lbs before the birth of my son 14 months ago. My hobby was going to the gym and working out. It was/is my stress reliever. I got back to my old size, yet I am left with stretch marks on my stomach, sagging/floppy boobs, huge nipples (I breast fed for 12 months) extra skin on my stomach and diastasis recti. The latter issue doesn’t bother me that much.

I am pregnant again–25 weeks along. I obviously look pregnant, like I should. In addition to me not being comfortable in my new skin, I also have dark, huge aerolas–which I think is pregnancy related! To me it is so unattractive.

I never had time to get use to my the new me because I am now pregnant again. But the issue lies here…

I don’t want to be touched or seen naked by my husband. In bed I have to be covered with a blanket. If I look down and see myself, I don’t find myself sexy and i get upset at what I see. I don’t want to be touched where the extra skin lies nor on my huge nipples! I get so upset and mad. I don’t feel like I deserve to feel good.

On tv and in movies, you never see people like “us” playing sexy roles and if you did it would ruin what the show is trying to capture. How can one find me/us attractive. I don’t get it?!!

There are boundaries in bed which I know isn’t good but I can’t get comfortable and accepting of the new me. Feeling good and feeling sexy is important for a good relationship.

I feel good in clothes and no matter how often others tell me I look good–I need to feel sexy and good with myself (naked). I know confidence is sexy, but I’m just not any longer. Even if I begin to feel cofident, I don’t feel I have the right to be. How did you do it? How did you begin to truly love your new self? Please help. I am miserable and my relationship with my husband isn’t where is should be.

~Your Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2nd pregnancy
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 14 months and 1 on the way; due 11/3

I Feel Like a Woman! (Dessy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

Hi! Thank all you beautiful mommies for helping me feel so much better about my body!

I am 23, and 18 weeks into my first pregnancy. The body changes have been hard for me to accept. I suffered from an eating disorder in my teens, so much so that I didn’t start having my period until I was 17! I went through a time of eating an average of 3 meals per week. I am 5’7″, and I didn’t get above 105lbs until age 19. Now, at 23, I was finally a healthy weight of 125lbs (or about, I threw away my scale over a year ago and decided to focus on overall health instead.) and I always felt I was fat. I started gaining weight rapidly with this pregnancy.

I am one of those lucky women who hardly had any morning sickness, so I packed it on. By the end of my first trimester I was up 15 lbs, and felt terrible about it! Everyone was telling me I was gaining too much, or commenting that I was showing way too soon. And now I’m up to 147 already! On top of this, my Husband is in Afghanistan (got pregnant on leave lol) and I am buying house by myself. Finally, i desperation and after much crying, I googled ‘How to feel beautiful pregnant’ and that is how I ended up here. After reading stories and seeing pictures, I started to feel much better about my body. I still have ‘off days’, but for the most part I am learning to love the extra curves pregnancy is giving me. Now I finally feel like a woman, whole and complete. I have never been this comfortable with my body! I am rockin’ these curves! ;)

With as much as I’ve gained already, I am fairly sure that I will never reach 125lbs again, but I have decided to set my postpartum goal at 140lbs, which for my height of 5’7″ should be very healthy. Through reading your inspiring stories, I even found the confidence to send my husband some sexy pictures of my rounder body… which he said he loves much more than the “skinny stick figure” he married lol!

These pictures are of me before becoming pregnant, at 125lbs, when I desperately wanted to lose weight

And me now at 18 weeks pregnant.

I can’t wait to come back and share my stretch marks and post-baby shape.

Scars of Beauty (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 5 Comments

I am a 23 yr old mom of 3 ages 4, 1, & 1 month old i am 8 wks pp 3 csections.I had my first @ 18 yrs old my pregnancy in the beginning was tough because I was living in an environment unhealthy to my child and to myself. Aside from the fact my child’s father was abusive the person we were living with one of his parents wouldn’t let us get food stamps, because they were too prideful and didn’t want to look like a state case. I and my unborn child were malnourished I weight less then 95lbs. Eventually I let that situation and got to a safe haven where I was fed and gained weight and my child was starting too look as though he was going to burst me open I went unmarked (stretch marks ) for 8 months then my son was born And i seen what had truly happened after my csection. I was devastated, insecure, my body had been destroyed by this cute lil baby. I grew so fast after leaving his abusive father & the environment in which We my unborn & i were being deprived of the nourishment we needed. I felt like It was a reminder of the things this person & his family put me through. But it was a reminder of our determination to thrive and survive. We made it. In 2008 We found a man to love us, his family loves us we fit right into his life perfectly. I got married i never thought I was beautiful I couldn’t stand my body so I didn’t see how a man could but he did. In 2009 3 yrs after my son was born I had my lil girl I gained not 1 extra mark she is the easiest lil person but I feared for her body and getting stretch marks like I did. And 16 months dec 2011 after her I have birth to my newest lil boy and I gained no extra from him.

These are scars that remind me of the path I chose for my survival and my 1st sons survival.

So in a way they are well earned

Trying to Find Beauty Among the Stretch Marks (Dani)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

Pregnancies/Births: 1/1
Age: 21
My sons age : 1 month

I had a beautiful son January 8th, 2012, and on that day, I felt like a new person. All of a sudden, life had a meaning. I look into his eyes and I see his crazy, but amazing personality. And I cannot believe that I created something so amazing. He is my whole life. However, when I look in the mirror I want to cringe at how I look, and it makes me feel like a bad mom. I have this amazing little boy to hold and love, and I am concerned about my body? I have issues with my body for a long time, though….

I was always a little on the bigger side. My senior year of high school I finally tipped the scale at 170 pounds (I am 5’5”). I got so depressed. I started working out and eating a little less, I lost 25 pounds. Which that was good for a while. Then I started dating who is now my husband. Which he loves how I look and always has. But after a year of dating, his parents invited us to go camping for a week at a lake. I got so scared about being in a swimsuit. So, I started dieting and working out…It got so out of control. Over the course of a few months I went from 145 to 93 pounds. And I have kind of a medium build body, so I had bones sticking out everywhere, but I still felt so fat. Towards the end of my dieting disaster, I was only eating an apple a day. And even then I felt like it was going to make me fat. I would walk 2 miles to work, be on my feet for 8-12 hours and then walk the 2 miles back. I did this 6 days a week. And even then, I would sometimes wake up in the morning to go on a jog. But after a while, I had no energy. I even got tired just walking to the bathroom, but I didn’t care. In September, 2010 I missed my period and thought I was pregnant. So I put my selfish ways aside and started eating normal, for the sake of the possible child. I took many tests and they were negative. But just in case they were wrong, I kept eating and so my weight kept going up. I finally got my period again 3 months later. My doctor said my period stopped because I wasn’t eating enough. I was super devastated that I wasn’t pregnant, because I liked that idea. So, I decided to keep eating and then after a months of me getting healthier, my husband and I decided we would try to have a baby. We weren’t planning on succeeding the first month =)
I started my pregnancy at 130. By the time I delivered, I was a whopping 212 pounds. I have a thyroid problem, which was discovered halfway through my pregnancy. I didn’t have gestational diabetes and my baby and I were healthy, so I was hoping most of it would come right off after delivery….I was SOOOO wrong. I am not down to 180 pounds and cannot lose anymore. I am breastfeeding, and I was hoping that would help me lose weight, but I haven’t lost anything. I am watching what I eat, and exercising lightly. (I will exercise more once I get the okay from my doc at my next check up). I hate how I look…My belly is squishy and jiggly and just hangs there, and I have stretch marks like crazy (which is understandable since my son was 8 pounds 13 ounces!!!). But I hate it…i feel so gross…i still wear my maternity pants because the band holds in my sagging belly, which, wearing my maternity pants is pretty embarrassing too.

I don’t know what to do or think. I love my son and I wouldn’t change it for the world, no matter how bad I think I look. But, it’s tough knowing what I used to look like and then looking at how I am now. I guess I will have to get over it, cause it’s not like it’s going to change just cause I wish that it would…Once I am done breastfeeding him next year, I am going to go on a HEALTHY diet and exercise a lot more. I really don’t want to go back to how I was, but that is how I feel….I have to force myself to eat now because I ignore my hunger and feel guilty every time I eat. Oh well, I guess…I have beautiful son out of it, so I can’t complain too much =)

Depressed (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Submissions 8 Comments

pregnancies:6
births:3
3 months post-partem
age:28

I had been debating whether to post something on this site for awhile now, but when I woke up this morning I just had to talk to someone.

I have three beautiful children ages seven, six and three months. I am having an extremely difficult time dealing with my body. With my last two pregnancies, I was back down to my pre-pregnancy weight after three months. After this last pregnancy I still have 20 pounds to lose, plus I was already considered “overweight” before I got pregnant. I honestly wish the weight was the only issue. I have hundreds of stretch marks everywhere, even behind my knees and my skin around by belly is very loose. I seriously remind myself of Freddie Crugar. I have had a hard time accepting and loving myself.

My father was never around. He even made up a story to his family that I was killed by a bus. My first boyfriend dumped me because I wouldn’t “put out”. I started dating my now husband at 16. He is a great man, don’t get me wrong, but I have a hard time letting go of his mistakes. While we were dating he once looked at dirty magazines. Now I know that is something guys are just drawn to, but with my history it was devastating. A few months before we got married I found out later that he went on a date with some girl. I have no idea who she is, but I’m sure she was gorgeous. I wasn’t bad looking myself either. I was 5’5″ and 120 pounds. Since we have been married there was a period of time again where pornography entered the equation.

Here’s my dilema. I truly feel like in a way I wasn’t good enough for him while we were dating, because of his actions. I was the prettiest and the skinniest back then. Now I’m fat and saggy and full of stretch marks and ten years older. So (this is just my thinking here) if I wasn’t good enough for him then, why would I be good enough for him now? I know I need to let go of the past, but it haunts me. I really need help letting this go. I feel like it’s preventing me from being the best I can be physically and mentally. I could really use your advice

C-Section, Droopy Tummy, & the Bright Side (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, PUPPP Rash, Submissions 5 Comments

Photo 1: PUPPS rash and stretch marks at 7 months pregnant
Photo 2: 38 weeks pregnant. 1 week before my delivery
Photo 3: 4 months PP boobs and stomach (front view)
Photo 4: 4 months PP stomach (side view)
Photo 5: Close up of stretch marks
Photo 6: Close up of C-Section scar
Photo 7: Postpartum booty. Not too shabby

~Age: 32
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: PP 4 months

Me and my husband of 3 years are the proud parents of a 4 month old baby girl born in October 2011. She is amazing and truly one of a kind. No really, she is a rare one. She weighed nearly 12 lbs at birth! I called her my sumo baby. I was really just happy to get her out since I had one hell of a pregnancy. I had morning sickness for the first 6 months. Not necessarily puking my guts out but just nauseous and dizzy more often than I would have liked. I also had ridiculous heartburn, sciatic nerve pain and round ligament pain the entire time which woke me up every hour of the night. In regards to the heartburn, I really got sick of hearing “Your baby is going to have a lot of hair!”. Then I got the dreaded PUPPS rash which covered my arms,legs and stomach. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I wanted to burn my skin off it was so itchy. I thought, things couldn’t get worse than this. The bright side, baby looks great and healthy with each screening. Yay! Another plus, I passed all gestational diabetes screenings. Then, I go in for my 36 week ultrasound. The baby is measuring almost 10lbs at 36 weeks! I have also developed some high blood pressure (146/90). My Obgyn sends me to a high risk clinic for further testing. Ummm…now I really have high blood pressure, haha! So, I go to the high risk clinic and have a more in depth ultrasound. Again, baby is measuring almost 10lbs. Eek! And again, my blood pressure is high so they diagnose me with Preeclamsia and want me to go to the hospital. Double Eek! I spend 4 hours at the hospital getting my blood pressure monitored. Again, baby looks perfect. My blood pressure finally goes down to normal so they send me home. Now back to the Obgyn. She strongly recommends scheduling a delivery via C-Section. She says my pelvis is pretty narrow and is afraid if the ultrasounds are even close to being right there is no way I can push that baby out. After much debate, I finally cave into scheduling the C-Section at 39 weeks. I should also point out, my stomach was massive! People thought I was carrying twins in that bad boy. I gained 40lbs during my pregnancy which is about average but I swear every pound was in my stomach. I was stretched to the max. My stomach was so hard. I steered away from sharp objects for fear I may pop, ha! Paired with being covered in stretch marks and the PUPPS rash, it looked like a mangled creature in a horror movie or a burn victim. Horrendous! I had a feeling my stomach would never be the same after childbirth. I was certainly right. So, here comes week 39. I go in for my C-Section scared to death since I have never had surgery in all my 32 years. Hell, I didn’t even know how to put the hospital gown on. Clueless! Everyone is super supportive and they hook me up to the monitors. The nurse asks if I have experienced any real contractions. I say “Not that I am aware of.” Then she proceeds to tell me “Uh, you are having some pretty good ones right now!” Well considering my stomach was so stretched and hard as a rock, it would be very difficult to feel anything until they became painful. Thank goodness they scheduled me today. Phew! The C-Section went great aside from the 8 attempts it took to get the epidural needle in. Talk about uncomfortable! They kept thinking they were hitting bone but it was just my hard ass ligaments. Lucky me! The only other discomfort I experienced during the C-Section was the uncontrollable shivering. My arms shook like I was on a vibrating bed. It was really annoying. Other than that, I didn’t feel a thing. Out comes the baby! Whoa! That is what I hear from everyone on the other side of the curtain. She is huge and has a full head of hair! I guess the heartburn myth was right! I see her adorable plumpness for about 10 seconds before they whisk her to the weighing station. 11lbs 11oz! Holy crap! She checks out healthy except with all big babies her blood sugar is low. So, she is sent to the NICU. It was actually kind of funny visiting her in the NICU. Here is this giant baby surrounded by all these premie babies. If a baby death match broke out, we wouldn’t need to worry about her. Anyways, her sugar stabilized after 3 days but we couldn’t leave until I passed gas. OMG! It was the worst pain ever being so full of gas and not being able to release it. Even my shoulders hurt from it. Finally, I let out the best fart of my life! Still full of gas for a couple weeks after but at least I got to go home and be with my baby. The first couple of weeks being first time parents were a bit scary but after that we adjusted. Let me just say, I thank my lucky stars since we were blessed with a baby who likes to sleep. By 6 weeks, she was sleeping an average of 6 hours at night then by 10 weeks sleeping an average of 8 hours at night! I think God gave me this gift for having such an awful pregnancy. It has been 4 months now and I couldn’t be happier. Our marriage has gotten stronger and we have this beautiful little girl. She is now at an average weight for her age and is the cutest thing ever. The only thing I am not happy with is this sorry excuse for a stomach I now have. I know it has only been 4 months but it is frustrating when you drop all 40 pregnancy pounds within the first 2 weeks following birth but still have to carry around this relentless growth in front of you. I look fine in clothes and feel great when people compliment me but it is a whole other story when the clothes come off. That droopy thing just stares up at me snickering. My boobs are sagging a bit too but they aren’t that bad. I think it helped that my boobs were super perky before hand. I keep looking at the bright side which is my backside. Haha! I am pleased to say my ass still looks nice. A little bigger but nice. All I can do is keep on working on the tummy and eventually will see some progress. I need to keep telling myself, your stomach looks damn good for being stretched to the max and giving birth to a giant baby. I have a loving husband, a comfortable home, wonderful friends and the most beautiful baby ever. I am loving life so suck it droopy tummy! Quit raining on my parade! :-)

3 Years and 80 Pounds (Sarah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

Age: 25
4 pregnancies/1 live birth
Daughter: age 3 years, 3 months.

When I was 21 years old, I found out I was pregnant for the fourth time. I had three miscarriages prior to this pregnancy due to low levels of progesterone. I was told by the doctors that I would not be able to maintain a healthy pregnancy without hormone injections daily. Because of this, I refused to become excited about my pregnancy until I saw the doctor. I was afraid I would end up with a fourth miscarriage, but by some miracle I was able to carry my daughter E.J. without hormones! I stand at 5’11 and started my pregnancy at 190/195 lbs (I have a medium build and looked skinny at 190) but I walked out of the hospital at 262lbs. I was placed on bed rest for the final few months of my pregnancy due to pre-eclampsia (high bp etc) I was forced to quit my job and sit around. During this time I watched in horror as my entire body swelled. I can recall the day I phoned the doctor to ask them if it was normal that my feet were purple with white spots, they told me to hurry in. It was at the appointment that they determined they would have to induce my labor. A week or so later I was in the hospital being dosed with pitocin to start my labor. When I went in, I was 38 1/2 weeks and wasn’t even dilated at all. They had me on pitocin until the next day (overnight!) and when they checked me I hadn’t progressed at all. They told me this was unusual as most people are “thrown into labor” from this drug, but nope…not I. Instead, they broke my water. 2 hours later I was dilated to 3 and got my epidural, 7 1/2 hours after that I started pushing, and 30 minutes later she was born. Ten hours total for my first labor & birth. (I’m kind of afraid of how fast a second might go!) She was 6lbs 14 oz and I had gained over 70 pounds with her while I was pregnant. Fortunately, 30 pounds left within a week of my leaving the hospital but I spent the next 2 years working off the rest. I now weigh less than I did pre-pregnancy, but my body is entirely different.

The years it took me to lose weight were difficult ones. I was going through a divorce & a 1,000 mile move with a 2 year old and trying to lose weight. I did weight watchers for a few months and then quit when I realized I didn’t need to calorie count but rather switch to a healthier lifestyle. I’m a big foodie so I couldn’t just stop eating or minimize what I ate. Instead, I walked or worked out daily. Unfortunately, my body didn’t react to that at all. I lost 9 inches off my waist but my body never toned. To this day, three years later, there is no tone. I have been told after a loss of nearly 80 pounds I will likely need a little nip/tuck to get back to a flat tummy state.

Before finding SOAM, I was talking to a few friends who had similar issues but were only around 145 at their heaviest and thought they were “big girls.” This website has made me realize that I’m not alone in the battle of the baby blubber or the stretchmarked zebra tummy loathing. I’m so glad that I can physically SEE other women who have stomachs that look like mine, who struggle the way that I do, and who question if they’ll ever feel sexy/beautiful/confident again. After my divorce, I began dating my best friend from high school and we’ve been together since. He tells me I’m beautiful and that he is amazed by my body since it created a child. I wish I could see myself like that, through his eyes. I am thankful that after all I went through, I was able to carry my daughter to term and that she was a healthy baby. I know that she was my miracle baby and I wouldn’t trade what I went through for the world, but it would be nice if the rest of this baby blubber would just melt away…

The picture in the tank top is me at 262 pounds in 2008
The bathing suit picture is me at 262 in 2008 and recent pictures from October 2011.
The rest of the pictures were taken January 17th, 2012. (Size 12)
It took 3 1/2 years of hard work to get this far…and I’m no where near finished.
Note: I currently vary between 185-190 pounds.