Submissions

155 (Colleen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 9 Comments

Previous submission here.

My age: 28
I have had one birth so far, and am 22 weeks pregnant with my second.
My daughter is 2 years and 9 months old.

I was 155 pounds when I posted my first entry, 3 weeks after my daughter was born. I was optimistic about losing 15 pounds.

I was 155 pounds when I posted an update on my daughter’s first birthday. Since I hadn’t really tried, I knew those 15 pounds would be easy to lose.

I was 155 pounds when I got my second positive pregnancy test, when my daughter was 2 years and 5 months old. I realized those 15 pounds weren’t going anywhere, but I was okay with it.

And two weeks ago, at 20 weeks pregnant, I stepped on the scale, saw 155, and squealed in delight. Then ran out, got my husband, and made him come back and see.

My weight hasn’t really bothered me since I became a mother. I love my shape, I’m okay with that. What I hate is being unfit. Of huffing and puffing after walking up stairs, or chasing my toddler around. I had this fear that if I ended up holding on to 15 pounds after every pregnancy, I WOULD end up hating my weight.

I decided that this time around, I would eat better and exercise, with the hopes that my maternity pants would still fit at the end. Apparently I jinxed myself. The day my period was due, I ate a plate of nachos and left for work—and very nearly threw them up on the way there. Nausea is nothing out of the ordinary for me, but when my normal coping measures did NOTHING throughout the night, I knew something was up. I stopped on my way home, got a pregnancy test, and sure enough it was positive.

By 4 weeks and 5 days I was on Zofran and barely functioning. I am emetophobic; I have been afraid of vomit and vomiting for so long that my body literally can’t do it anymore, until the situation is so dire I’m begging for relief. Severe nausea also causes panic attacks, the lightheadedness and racing heart are really “helpful” when you feel like you’re already miserable. I am going to clarify that I have not vomited in either pregnancy (though not for lack of trying sometimes). I “just” spend 24/7 with this horrible, debilitating nausea that NEVER GOES AWAY, and an aversion to almost every food imaginable. There were days when I’d drive 20 minutes to the nearest Panera because the only thing I could even consider stomaching was an apple cinnamon crunch muffin. I’ve discovered that people don’t take nausea—as an ailment on its own, and not as a precursor to vomiting—seriously. The response to throwing up is “oh, are you okay?!”, but the response to nausea is, “suck it up and deal with it, at least you’re not throwing up!” The nausea and resultant dizzy spells were so bad that I quit my job when I was 10 weeks—something even my first pregnancy didn’t make me do. I never thought I’d be so desperate to gain weight. (Being upset about not gaining weight doesn’t gain you any sympathy, either, by the way).

I was 153 pounds, naked, when I found out I was pregnant. At my 8 week appointment I was 154 pounds, clothed. The lowest I saw was 146. The nausea started to improve around 18 weeks, and finally at my 20 week appointment I weighed 157. I was twice threatened with hospitalization for IV fluids/nourishment, but I managed to scrape by without it. As of three days ago I’m down to one Zofran a day, as part of getting-out-of-bed routine. I am hopeful.

Despite all of this, I LOVE being pregnant. I love the pregnant shape and watching my belly grow. I pick out clothes based on how well they show off my bump. I love those relaxed second-timer muscles that are giving me a bigger belly than I had last time (I do NOT love the relaxed second-timer round ligaments, though). I love feeling my second little girl dance around, a joy I never really got with my first because of her anterior placenta and her apparent predilection for hanging out wrapped around my spine. I am planning a VBAC, and I’m really hopeful for breastfeeding this time around (I nursed for 13 months with my first, but flat nipples, the cesarean, and a tongue tie made it hell at first). I’d have 12 kids if I thought I could handle it, just to continue being pregnant…but as it is we’re settled at three. The thought of going through the nausea even one more time is enough to stop me at three.

This picture is yesterday, at 22 weeks pregnant. Every week we take a picture and the weird shadow annoys me, but then I forget to try to fix the lighting the next week, so I guess I’m stuck with it. I’ve been going back and forth on not cropping my face out, but in the end I couldn’t get comfortable with the idea of having a fully nude photo of all of me on the internet where anyone can see. Maybe next time…

Updated here.

I’ve Earned my Tiger Stripes (Tara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 3 Comments

When i first discovered I was pregnant I searched everywhere for post baby bodies, terrified of what I was going to look like after. I didn’t find anything then but recently came across your site and loved it! Hopefully by sharing my story and images I can ease the fear of other soon to be moms!

I am 21 years old and the mother of 1. I am about 5ft10 and I have no idea what I weigh now nor what I weighed before I got pregnant, I did however, weigh 180 at the end of my pregnancy. If I look in a mirror and like what I see who cares what a scale will tell me :). I got pregnant 2 days after my 20th birthday and gave birth to my beautiful baby girl on November 11, 2011 weighing 8lb 4oz. Before I got pregnant I had been wearing the same jeans since grade ten, it took me three months postpartum to fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans and now six months later those jeans are to big on me! (I thank breast feeding for that). My shirts don’t fit me so well anymore though since I went from a 36B to a 36D :(. I miss my smaller boobs! These ones are always in the way! I have included three pictures of my stomach, one picture is before I got pregnant and two are 6 months postpartum. Thankfully my teddy bear tattoo still looks like a bear, I got it done with the intention of never having kids (decided that too soon I think). I still love my body and I’ll still be rocking a bikini this summer. I hope every mother out there finds the strength and ability to love the changes in her body after giving birth. I wear my stretch marks proudly because I earned them.

Second Chance (Aly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Belly, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

22 yrs old.,
2 pregnancies, 1 birth.,
Five month old daughter, pp.,
My story may be everywhere, sorry.,

I sit here having a good day which consists of me not thinking much of how I look. Mostly, I do have good days where when I do think of myself I envision my pre-pregnancy body. Bad days are where I think so negatively of myself that all I think about is wanting a tummy tuck. Why? A simpler solution to a fixable problem. I am five months postpartum, and not the same as I was before.

My story: I became pregnant when I was 18, but didn’t have the baby. I had an abortion for personal reasons that I have dealt with. It put me in a depression as life started to go bad for me. My relationship was failing, and I couldn’t cope with the loss of my baby very well. It is a decision I made on my part with the father. At the time I had thought that it was the only option for me. Now I bounce back and forth guessing if it was or wasn’t. I know I had a living, breathing, heart beating child inside of me. That was in 2008, it really messed with me too. I’m at terms with myself with what I have done. I forgave myself, but it is always a constant. I mention this because it is part of my story. The abortion was the cherry on top of everything.

My relationship:
My relationship started to fail, and it is because I wasn’t taking care of myself much. I mean I went out, had friends. When alone, I wasn’t happy. If I couldn’t be happy with myself, I couldn’t make my boyfriend happy. We were living together, but then things changed so I moved out. During the first year of battling my depression with the abortion we constantly fought, and I was blind. He didn’t want me because I couldn’t do much for me. I tried, but I was just going down. I had a job which I shortly got fired from. Bad, right? That isn’t it when I was working I had been living in the suburbs, but than moved back to the city. I ended up moving in with some people in a studio apartment. I slept on the floor, then afterwards… he broke up with me. After four years of being together it had been a bad break up, which I still never understood completely. But that is another story… which leads me to the fact that we had still been seeing each other even though we had broken up. After the break up, I still lived with the people for a while. The good thing is I had gotten myself into school because it is around the time the economy was still at a low point where I couldn’t get a job. It turned out to be a good thing because I would go out, and enjoy myself. I kept up a 4.0 GPA which dropped a little because towards the end I had some issues. I lost my grandmother, the people I lived with were drug addicts (which I am proud to say I never touched that stuff) and I slept on the floor. I struggled during this time. I started to drink a bit more, lost weight because living with drug addicts there is hardly any food. Towards the middle of school I moved back in to my ex boyfriend’s moms house where we were living together. He moved out, and I ended up graduating.

Now: We did get back together after much talking, and a year of not being together. I had left the state a couple times to go be with family during the holidays. He proposed so we got engaged, than got our own place, and then tada I became pregnant. We wanted this pregnancy, which I am forever so thankful for. I was 115 lbs before pregnancy, and came out weighing 167 lbs in the end. Tragic for me. I went from having this tiny hour glass figure to this much fuller hour glass figure. I don’t regret my pregnancy, but I could’ve taken better measures to not gain so much weight. The part I am grateful for I had a wonderful, problem free pregnancy. I had a 15 hr induction. My epidurial did fail me towards the end so it became a natural birth. Those induced contractions are no joke! I gave birth to a beautiful little girl 7 lbs, 15 0z, 19 inchs. The apple of my eye, the blessing from god, my second chance. My high school sweetheart, the same guy married me. He is now my husband, and I love him for all that he does for us. But the main issue I have? My body I beat myself up so bad about when I am having a bad day… I stay at home with our daughter. Which I don’t mind because I love watching her grow into this beautiful child. I can’t find one favorite part of her that I like the most because all of her is beautiful. I just have my days where I feel so down that I hate my body, and want to give up. Yes, give up and just go get a job so I don’t have to think. When I look at her, and play with her it is when I really forget everything. Her smile brings the warmth back to me, and makes me forget. It is just hard to accept the fact that my body will no longer be the same., I just want to be at a good place with myself where I can shrug while looking at someone with a smile. Women were made to create, and carry life… yet we can’t deal with our self image. I have stretch marks everywhere, and the funny thing? I don’t mind them at all. My grandmother has them, my mother has them, and I in a way had been prepared for these stripes. I earned them, I’m proud of them. It is just my protruding tummy that makes me look six months pregnant. Thankfully my husband, and I have started a diet together. We will diet together with exercise, we motivate each other which I am forever grateful for. I can’t do certain things, or go to a crazy workout because I am breastfeeding too. A bond I forever cherish, <3. I just wish I was comfortable with myself. I hate thinking negatively, or feeling so down. I just hope with some patience with a positive outlook I can be okay with myself. Once I am okay with myself I can then become comfortable with gaining more confidence... I like my stripes. I just feel like sharing my story for myself, and to show the truth of motherhood... and what we deal with. I'm lucky to have a daughter who has love for me in her beautiful eyes, and a husband who accepts me. They keep me grounded. Three pictures are: Front view with stripes, side view with stripes, and side view when sucked in. I hope with the dieting, and exercise it will improve some. :) [gallery]

Update (Dalena)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 5 Comments

Previous post here.

In my first post I had given myself a goal weight of 140lbs-145lbs to be reached within a year… Its been a year and I haven’t made it. I stopped dieting however I still ate fairly healthy. And I wasn’t working out as much as I should have been. I’ve increased my goal weight by 10lbs based on how I feel. If I ever make it to my original goal I will be thrilled if not I’m okay with it. I’ve accepted my body as it is. My only goal now is to be healthy and fit. Still for Chanel who just started walking!! Yay!!

For those who didn’t read my previous post I was 230 on delivery day… I lost 30 lbs the first 2 weeks after delivering via c-section. At 5 weeks postpartum I had only 8lbs to lose to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 185lbs. Today I am 175lbs… 10lbs under the weight I was at my first prenatal appt. That’s a total of 55lbs lost since delivery day. I’m now working towards my new goal. Hoping to lose 25lbs by my birthday in August. I’m eating 1200 calories a day and going on hours long walks. Hopefully I’ll make it this time. I definitely have more motivation then I did before… Edamame is my new favorite snack!!

Thank you for reading.

Pictures below are of me today. 1 year and 5 weeks pp

The Before, During, and After of My Belly (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 8 Comments

age 28
number pregnancies: 1 pregnant 25 weeks with next

I have always been pretty active and fit, I was 26 when I got pregnant with my son, it was unexpected and my husband and I had only been together for 6 months at the time. I tried and tried to avoid the stretch marks but I already had a ton of old ones from when I went through puberty so I knew it was a lost cause.

The angry little marks showed up around 37 weeks and I decided that I would document the changes in my belly from the end of pregnancy to immediately following the birth, to a couple weeks after to 2 years after to see how my body recovered. The marks do fade but never go away and you learn to live with them, I got a higher cut bikini to hide the old marks the best I can but I really don’t care anymore.

I am now 25 weeks pregnant with my second kid and wonder what will happen this time around, I’m sure I’ll be sad initially but I will look and see that the scars fade and life goes on. =)

picture 1 is of me a few months before getting pregnant
picture 2 is me the day I went to the hospital, the marks are hidden by the size of the belly!
picture 3 is an hour after birth while laying in the hospital bed
picture 4 is two weeks after
Two weeks
2 years after
Pregnant 25 weeks

Still not the same, but trying to feel OK. (Jessica L)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

Going through my pregnancy and having my daughter was an experience I will never forget. Not only was I extremely happy I was also concerned the whole time. I did most of it on my own. My husband left for Afghanistan when I was six months pregnant in Oct. and just got back last week. He got to see the birth through skype and lots of pictures of our baby girl but never of my belly. Since he never saw the stretch marks with my belly actually stretched out he had no idea how many I was going to have when he got home and I was really nervous about what he would say. I’ve never been really skinny. I’m 5’9 and big boned so I have a more athletic structure and always played a lot of sports. I’ve always had my curves and learned to absolutely love them.. Now I have curves still but I also have this belly that partly hangs over my pants and I have thighs that I am still working to get down. When my husband saw he was more intrigued than anything else and didn’t make me feel bad about them at all but I still feel ugly to him. Some days I feel amazing and will dress up and others I feel like I could be doing better and that’s when I just curl up on the couch and watch netflix all day. I just want to be okay with my body and not feel like everyone is judging me when I know I’m the only one.

1st picture-8 months pregnant. Had my girl 1.5 months later- she was 2 weeks later
2-3- belly
4-My little girl getting held by her dad for the first time.

~Age: 20
~Number of pregnancies and births:1 and 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 months PP

Struggling to accept my new body. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

Age-21
# of pregnancies & births- 1
9 months post-partum

It’s been 9 months since I had my beautiful little girl & while I love her with all my heart I can’t seem to accept my new body. I was 120 pounds before I got pregnant with a perfectly flat stomach. I had gestational diabetes during my pregnancy and was 180 the day I had her. I am 135 now but cannot seem to lose the mommy belly. I find myself comparing myself to all my friends that had babies and have perfectly flat stomachs & I honestly am embarrassed at times to go in to public around people who knew what I looked like before. Shopping for clothing is discouraging and frustrating. I feel like a nuisense to my boyfriend and family and can tell they are annoyed with my constant downing on myself about my body. It’s just hard to accept that this is my body now. I keep waiting for my stomach to shrink back down but some days I honestly think its only getting worse Thank you for letting me share with you ladies sometimes it feels better to get it all out.

The picture I included is of my stomach 9 months post-partum (now)

Where is my Self-Confidance? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 7 Comments

I am 24 years old. I have two children, 2 1/2 and 9 months old now. I met my husband back in 2007, he deployed for a year and then we began dating in July 2008. After three months we moved in together and after 8 months I was pregnant. It was unplanned as I was on birth control. I in no way will ever regret being pregnant at a young age. I had to give up college & much a of a social life but it was all worth it.

I had a massive weight gain with my first pregnancy, starting weight 138 and the day I gave birth I was 200 pounds. I had Preeclampsia by the end of my pregnancy and was induced 2 weeks early. 12 hours of labor and my baby girl was here. I’ll never forget that day.

Weight coming off with my first pregnancy seemed easy, I tried breast feeding for a month which I think helped in my weight loss. By a month with no working out, just eating right and drinking plenty of water, I lost 35 pounds of my baby weight. Then another 10 more pounds when I started working out a month before my wedding, which was just 5 months after the birth of my daughter. After my wedding, I just kind of let my body go. My husband loved my body, and I didn’t look awful but I still felt i did. Most depressing thing is having a baby who is 5 months old looking like i gave birth yesterday and then seeing a mom who is a tooth pick with a newborn. I guess some women are lucky?

My husband and I decided we wanted our children close together and so we started trying when my daughter was 6 months old. Nothing happened for months….but then tragically I lost my father when my daughter was 10 months old and for a month I just got depressed, lost hope of getting pregnant, knowing my father wouldn’t be here to see any more grandchildren.

When my daughter was a year old my husband and I discovered I was pregnant! We were so happy, I felt like it was a blessing from god. My depression got better, I accepted the death of my father and lived life as much as we possibly could as a family.

My weight gain with my second pregnancy was much less than with my first. I was 160 when I got pregnant with the second and when I gave birth to my son I weighed 195. The day I gave birth to my son, my mom couldn’t be there with me because she had to put my grandma into hospice who was diagnosed with cancer a month before my Dad passed away. So my depression just seemed to sky rocket. Not having my Dad with me, not having my Mom by my side and soon to be losing my only grandma left.

Two weeks passed and my grandma lost her battle with cancer.

Maybe I am a just weak minded person, I never thought I was. Depression took over me…at my 6 week check up my husband came with and unknowingly told my dr. that I was battling with depression and I needed something to help. I have always been strong and felt that taking depression pills made me weak, unstable and psycho.

It took a good month before I noticed a change.

I shouldn’t use my depression as an excuse to why I haven’t lost a lot of weight or fixed my body but I am so ashamed of how I look that I hate going out of the house. I don’t like being around old friends who haven’t gone through the childbearing process.

I have never been okay with the way I look, my sister called me fat all the time while growing up and sadly it has just stuck with me. My sister weighs less than 100 pounds and she also had a baby. So seeing her being so skinny a week after she had her son makes me feel horrible.
After my son was born, I got the implanon birth control. I in no way wanted to get pregnant until I have finished college and could fully help my husband support our family.

I was on it for four months, depression worsened, headaches were awful, and I had my period for 4 straight months. My husband and I had no sex life which was hurting our marriage by the day. I decided enough was enough and I was getting it out. A week later I felt amazing, my period stopped, my sex drive sky rocketed and my husband and I got a long amazingly and still do to this day.

We used condoms ever time we had sex, one night we didn’t have one and used the stupid pull out method…..which resulted in my getting pregnant with our “3rd Child”

We were shocked, scared and many other things. We weren’t financially ready to have another or mentally ready. Children take a lot of time work etc…..

After accepting we were having another, we started thinking of names, etc. I was 9 weeks pregnant and started cramping and spotting, called the dr. knowing it wasn’t normal.

Went in for blood work and ultrasound. Seeing the baby, I knew something wasn’t right, it was measuring 6 weeks when I was actually 9. So we had to meet with the dr. She told us we were going to miscarry. We were devastated, it’s been two weeks & I am still going through the miscarriage. I hope to be done soon.

I’ve been tired, feeling depressed, feeling I look disgusting….. I want to feel better soon.

9 months later after the birth of my son, I weigh 164. My goal is to weigh 140 again…. I have been walking/running which makes my days so much better.

This website gave me so much encouragement to face my body. Seeing other mothers in this world who struggle with the same body issues has made me feel better about myself, that I am not a lone. Thank you to all!

Nobody knows beauty until they have created children :)

I should add that before I had kids my bra size was 36 b now after two kids I wear a 36 DD…. That itself is hard to deal with, my boobs aren’t feeling young and perky anymore

Age: 24
Pregnancies: 3
Births: 2
Daughter is 2 1/2
Son is 9 months
9 Months pp
Vaginal Births, cellulite & some stretch marks

1st Picture: Me the summer before getting pregnant ( Brunette in black swim suit) Thought I was fat then.
2nd Picture: Me on the left the month I got pregnant (138 pounds)
3rd Picture: 5 months after my first child was born, my wedding day 150 pounds.
4th Picture: Me with my daughter 6 months after she was born
5th Picture: My stomach and thighs today 165 pounds
6th Picture: My breasts & stomach today
7th and 8th Pictures: Side views of my stomach
9th Picture: Thighs.

My stretch marks are worse on one side than the other. I have tried everything they make for stretch marks and nothing has helped. I do not tan anymore which I am sure helps with them looking less visible?

Trying to Cope (Claire-Bee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 3 Comments

ok so I’m a 24yr old mother of two, a 3 1/2 yr old and a 21month old. Both c-sections and both almost 10lbs each. It has been a rough journey to start. I was a size 9 with amazing abs. With my first I tried every cream on the market still got stretch marks. Bad ones they bleed towards the end. Now 21 months postpartum and working out like crazy, I realize those abs I once had will never show again. Just saggy stripped skin. I’m trying to be happy everyday that bathing suit season approaches but its hard knowing at 24 I’m going to be stuck in a one piece all summer. Good think my babies are healthy and beautiful, probably what gets me through.

* I have my 30in waist pre-pregnancy picture.
*my first pregnancy 38 weeks along with hubby
*my second pregnancy 39 weeks along with hubby and daughter
* my current 21month postpartum belly. 15lbs from my before weight.

Am I Really the “National Average?” (Misty)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 8 Comments

Am I really the “National Average?”
Height: 5’8”
Weight: 205lb

I just found out that the new U.S. National Average for women’s sizes is 14-16 (up from 10-12). That puts me right in the national average at a size 14 jeans/dress. But, what does that really mean?

At almost fifteen months postpartum I feel like I should not look the way I do. I walk around the wall hiding most of my body behind a fluffy (and comfortable!) sweater and my daughter’s stroller because all I see are thinner, tanner, smoother looking women staring back at me. When I order something in the food court I feel like all their eyes are on me; I feel like they whisper, “OMG Becky, she is so fat! Look at her… I can’t believe she is ordering that! Eat a salad you tub-o-lard!”

I should say up-front that I was never thin. My entire adult life (aka when my body stopped growing up and started growing out at 16) I have been a size 10+. The lowest I have weighed is 174lb and this put me in size 8 jeans (and I mean size 8 at Old Navy in stretch… which is really like a size 12 anywhere else). When I got pregnant in 2010 I was 196 pounds. Prior to having my daughter this weight did not look all that bad on my size 5’8” frame. I have always gained all of my weight in my thighs, butt, and arms. My stomach, despite my being “overweight,” has always remained very flat.

Flash forward to my postpartum body and I now gain all of my weight in my stomach, hips, and face. My legs seem to stay roughly the same and my waist is still less than 32 inches around. But my stomach and love handles absolutely hate me and have waged war on my physique.
I chose to do an extreme protein shake diet when my daughter was five months to when she was around ten months and I lost 45 pounds. I went from 225 pounds to almost 180 pounds. I dropped pants sizes and I felt like I looked normal. I stopped dieting so intensely and the instant I began a normal calorie diet I gained 25 pounds back. I now feel like I am disgusting again and again with every look in the mirror but no matter what I do I cannot drop the weight.

SOAM’s website has shown me that everyone has problems with their body post-baby. I see these other women and I think of how beautiful they all look, even when some of them are exactly my size. Lately, instead of focusing so much on losing weight and inches, I have been trying to eat healthier options (100% whole wheat instead of “wheat,” more fresh fruits/vegetables, less salt) and I go to the YMCA to swim. As a side note, the YMCA is a great place. Because of its friendly atmosphere I have not ever felt judged there and every woman looks like me!

A final note: We are all beautiful. We created a human and we should appreciate our bodies for the miracles they are!