Submissions

3 Weeks Postpartum (Anna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 30 Comments

Age: 24
Number of pregnancies/ births: 1
Age of child/postpartum: 3 weeks

My whole life I never really wanted children, I was always much more concerned with myself; somehow I picked up my mothers school of thought and am unable to leaving the house without my ‘face’ on or dressed properly. So to say the least I was and still am a little bit on the vain side. I loved my body and the summers when I would get to show it off in a cute little bikini at the river. But I changed my mind about children and now sadly also about my body.

Pregnancy was pretty easy on me, or so I thought! I gained 30 pounds and up until the day I gave birth I ~thought~ I only had a 5 small stretch marks (yes, I counted!). Boy was I wrong!! How come no one ever talks about how some stretch marks are invisible until after birth?! My husband had gone home to let our dogs out and I was alone in my recovery room, which is where I got the first look at my postpartum body. I couldn’t believe the person I was looking at in the mirror was me. I don’t think I have ever cried so much over how I look. I couldn’t shake the idea that my body was ruined. I have so many stretch marks, my entire stomach is covered in them, and since they are not red it just makes my tummy look like a gelatinous bowl of cottage cheese that rolls over the top of my pants. And upon taking up my usual shaving routine at home I noticed that I also have stretch marks under my pubic hair! And then a few days later while looking in the mirror I saw something I have never seen mentioned on this website, I have stretch marks going into my butt crack, how is that even possible!! Not to mention extremely embarrassing, so if you’re reading this and you have them, you are not alone! I also have them on my boobs, which doesn’t bother me actually since I never liked showing them off anyhow.

So now it is three weeks since my little princess was born and I still can not shake my feelings of ugliness, I feel like I will never be confident or feel sexy again. The worst part is that I actually feel like I am letting my husband down by looking so terrible, he is so sweet and tells me that he thinks my new body is sexy, but I can not help but think he is just lying to me. And the thought of taking my shirt off in front of him makes me cringe. I used to walk around our house naked half the time, but now I don’t even want to sleep next to him without a shirt covering my stomach. And all of these feelings of being unconfident and sorry for myself make me feel guilty, because it seems like such an unimportant thing to worry about, but I just can not help it.

There are three upsides to my experiences though.

One – I had purchased a ‘belly bandit’ band to wear postpartum, and though full of stretch marks, my stomach has gone down extremely fast. One more inch and I’ll be able to button my pre-pregnancy jeans! Woo hoo!

Two – this website, which has made me feel so much better about myself. I can not thank you all enough for the support you unknowingly have shown me.

And of course the biggest upside is my beautiful daughter. She is completely worth all the issues I am having with my own body; I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Pictures: 1 of 3 days postpartum, 2 of 3 weeks postpartum and 1 just before I got pregnant.

This is me – sagging boobs and all (Astrid)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 20 Comments

Hi everyone,

First of all I just want to say thank you to all the women that have posted on this page, I have learned a lot from reading your stories and looking at your pictures. I think this webpage is so important.

My story goes like this: I became pregnant for the first time when I was 21. It wasn’t planned. I tried to make it work with the father, but it was just a horrible relationship, I was abused physically (not to mention emotionally), so when my son was about one year old I finally pulled my self together and left him for good. Up until then I hadn’t really thought too much about how my body had changed from being pregnant and breastfeeding; I just had too many problems to even care. I mean; not that it was too much to worry about, really. I pretty much bounced back. But at this moment I had to kinda reshape my life; I had to make a new start, figuring out who I wanted to bee. Needless to say my self-esteem was low at this point in my life. As I said before; I had pretty much bounced back, my stomach was flat and with no stretch marks. I had gotten some stretch marks on my butt and hips, but they never really bothered me at all. My BREASTS is another story though. They were just filled with stretch marks. Up until I stopped breastfeeding (about a year after- around the same time that I left the father) it wasn’t too bad because they were full. But then I stopped breastfeeding and all of a sudden I had these boobs that looked like they belonged to an 80-year old lady! I got so self-conscious about them. I hated how they just hang there, a couple of loose and floppy skin-bags. I hated the fact that I could never go anywhere without tucking them into a bra first to somewhat have them under control. And the problem with finding bikini-tops that they wouldn’t fall right out of whenever I bended over! This was really a huge issue for me for a long time. And being a single mom, I kept thinking that no man would ever think I looked good with my clothes off.

Luckily though, I found a man who did. Or he found me, I don’t know. At 25, I became pregnant with my second child; also a boy, who is now 9 months old. From my second pregnancy I got two tiny stretch marks on my stomach and my belly-button looks weird now, I think. But it is no big deal. My breasts became big and full during the pregnancy, not to mention three days pp, when I was almost afraid they were going to explode. I enjoyed having full breasts for a while there, but now they are back to the floppy skin-bags they were before. I try to laugh about it and most of the time it is ok. I am proud that my body has grown and breastfed two beautiful healthy boys.

Posting these pictures of my breasts is a huge step for me, because I have been so embarrassed about them for a long time. I see the fact that I am able to do this now as a sign that I am making progress in the process to love my body as it is now- breasts included.

In the pictures I am pregnant with number 2 at 41 weeks and nine months pp after number 2

Coming to grips with a cesarean (Colleen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 39 Comments

I found this website before I ever even got pregnant, and I have checked back on an almost daily basis ever since, to read new posts. I think the concept is fantastic, and have been waiting for months until I could do my own post. Now, at three weeks postpartum, I think I’ve waited long enough!

My pregnancy was planned, long-awaited, and relatively simple. I had horrible nausea that set in at 4 ½ weeks, but I never actually threw up. Aside from two bleeding scares (at 6 and 28 weeks), I had no complications up until the very end. I told my husband that I felt like I kind of missed the memo on being pregnant, because I didn’t experience the “normal” swelling, mood swings, elevated body temperature or extreme clumsiness that you always read about.

I have a long torso, so my belly never got really big. An early delivery and daily application of cocoa butter kept me from getting any stretch marks on my stomach, but I did get them all over my thighs, butt and lower back. For some reason that doesn’t bother me as much as the thought of having them on my stomach. They’re small, not very dark, and should fade well. I went from 142 pounds at my 8 week appointment to 176 the morning I delivered, and at 3 weeks postpartum I’m already down to 155—no complaints there. I have some flab on my belly (that I know I can get rid of once I’m allowed to exercise—I’m SO TIRED of being out of shape!), and I don’t know if my butt will ever fit into my old pants again, but again—that doesn’t really bother me. My pants didn’t fit all that well to begin with, so I’m okay with having to buy new ones. I went from a 32F pre-pregnancy to an unbelievable 34H with nursing, and I can already tell that my breasts will sag after I wean my daughter. My husband doesn’t seem to mind, he just enjoys the fact that they’re so big! I still have a great overall shape, and that’s what matters to me.

I was planning on a totally natural birth, partly because I’ve wanted to give birth ever since I was a little girl, and partly because I’m terrified of epidurals. At my 34 week appointment, my doctor discovered that my baby was breech. Two weeks later, an ultrasound not only confirmed the breech presentation, but showed that my amniotic fluid levels were “borderline”. Five “restful” days later, they had dropped to “low”, and I was put in the hospital so I could have IV fluids. Three days after that they hadn’t increased, and I had to have a C-section (epidural included) at 36 weeks and 6 days. I was devastated. I went from wanting the most natural birth possible to getting the most unnatural. Instead of being in the hospital for 2-3 days, I spent a whole week there, most of it very uncomfortably.

The first week or two postpartum were hard. I felt like I had failed. I somehow felt like less of a woman because I didn’t get to participate in the birth of my own child. I was not allowed to wait to go into labor because the fluid was too low, so I have a child and still have no idea what a contraction feels like. I feel like I got cheated out of an experience I’ve been waiting my whole life for. I wanted somebody or something to blame for the whole experience (most of my frustration got taken out on my job, which caused an inordinate amount of stress during the last few months. I don’t plan on returning to the same job). My biggest fear is that I won’t be able to have ANY of my children naturally now, just because the first one was a cesarean. And it seems like nobody really understands how I feel. Nobody can understand why I WANT to go through labor, and the response I always get is “well at least the baby is safe.” I don’t begrudge the fact that my daughter is here and healthy, but I can still lament the fact that she had to arrive in the way she did. I have yet to find anybody (other than my husband) that can appreciate that those are two different feelings. The reactions of others make me feel like I’m selfish for having wanted to be able to give birth on my own, like I was putting my own desires above the well-being of my child. I’ve come more to grips with the cesarean the more time has passed (I’ve stopped crying for hours at a time every time I think about it), but there’s still that lurking fear of a repeat, and the feeling that I missed out on something big.

The pictures are 9 weeks pregnant (the closest I have to pre-pregnancy), 36 weeks and two days pregnant (the last ones I took of my whole body before she was born), two weeks postpartum (I haven’t taken any new ones since then), and my beautiful little girl.

My age: 25 years old
Number of pregnancies and births: one
How far postpartum: 3 weeks

Updated here, here and here.

Three Babies in Four Years (Natalie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 15 Comments

I am 27 years old, and just had my third baby, a little girl, May 11th. That makes me about three months post-partum, give or take a couple of days. I also have a little boy that was born November 14, 2005, and another little girl that was born January 9, 2007. I absolutely loved being pregnant, it was the only time in my life that I truly loved my body and felt completely comfortable in my own skin. The joy of creating and nurturing a new life and mothering my three gorgeous children has been and is the most wonderful thing I’ve ever experienced. Now that I’m done having babies, its been a little hard to accept the changes that my body has gone through, and the end result. I’ve never been a thin person, and right now I am at my pre-pregnancy weight, but I still notice things that I don’t like. I want to be able to look at my soft, round body and love it, but its hard sometimes. I want to be able to look at my belly, at the roundness and extra skin, and be able to see it as the beautiful place that was home to all three of my children. I want to see myself as my children’s father says he sees me, as someone beautiful, someone extremely sexy…and sometimes I’m able to, but not always. I could blame the media I guess, as inaccurately portraying real beauty, but to be honest, I think that the way I feel about myself ultimately has to come from within, and can only really be changed by me. I think this website is a wonderful place for women to come, at least I know it has been for me. I can look at women that are similar to me, and I see them as beautiful. It makes me feel like if I can see them as beautiful, maybe I can learn to see myself that way too.

All the pictures of me pregnant are from this last pregnancy, and any of me not pregnant are from within the last three months. My children’s father has taken all the pictures, and as you can tell, he loves taking pictures of me, and is very good at it :)

I feel so accomplished, Beautiful & new (Brie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 8 Comments

I was shown this site early on in pregnancy. I was blown away! I also realized during my pregnancy that media is really trying to make women feel like shit. scare the crap out of us about pregnancy & then some hahahaha. I didn’t scream, I didn’t cry…well except tears of joy. Remember without birth there would be no us. It has been done for millions of years….Really makes you think why the hell isn’t it more praised & appreciated. My baby weight is quickly falling off. I gained almost 100lbs while pregnant. I had a completely normal & healthy pregnancy. I feel like a new person. I knew my body so well before Now I need to re learn it. Which I find exciting! My stretch marks & c section scar are my mommy marks. I am proud of them I gave birth to an amazingly handsome 9lbs little man. I think all women should be proud of what our bodies can do.

~Your Age:19
~Number of pregnancies and births:1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are:3wks 5dys

Marks of courage, strength and overwhelming love. (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

About 3 weeks after my 19th birthday(and wedding) I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, Summer. My new husband and I were a mix of emotions. Excited, scared, freaked out, happy.. all of it. I loved my little baby belly. As soon as I was big enough to look pregnant I wore my growing baby with pride. One day(about 5 months in) I noticed my first stretch mark. It was about a 1/2 an inch long and not very noticeable at all. The next day, there were about 10 in that same spot, and I cried- just like a hormonal pregnant woman would. About a week after that I had that deciding sonogram, the one that would tell us the sex of our baby.
“It’s a girl!”
I was elated. Then something else.. A “hmm” and then “well.. the doctor will be able to tell more” was all I got then they sent my to my OB. Apparently there was an abnormality. My wonderful, sweet, tiny little baby may be in trouble. “We have to scheduel another ultrasound. No need to stress about it now. But I wouldn’t rule out anything from cystic phybrosis to Downsyndrome.” Suddenly everything I had in me was begging for those little marks on my belly to be my biggest concern again. Weeks passed before we found out any more, weeks filled with lots of crying, and praying. Then came the moment of truth. I placed all my hopes and fears in the hands of this stranger, a perinatologist, and I know he could see in my eyes- my pleading with him to tell me that everything would be ok. That my daughter would come into this world healthy and happy.
Good news, whatever was there before was no where to be found. All that the sonogram showed was one perfectly perfect baby girl. MY baby girl. After that, every mark, every pound, every crazy way my body distorted itself from my pre-pregnancy form.. just meant I was that much closer to meeting my miracle. It all meant she was getting that much bigger, that much healthier.. and I would endure so much more than some purple streaks on my belly to get my daughter to me safely.
Now when I see my stretch marks, my extra skin and flab, I see stregnth. I see how much I cried, and also hard I worked to keep myself together for her. I see the love in her eyes when I looked into them for the very first time. I see her daddy, my husband, craddling my belly every night while we slept. I hear those life changing words, “There’s nothing to worry about. She’s going to be a healthy baby girl.”

Thank you so much for this site. It brought tears to my eyes. Such wonderful stories, such beautiful babies and VERY beautiful mothers. It’s really a great thing you are doing.

~Your Age:21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: My only daughter is 14 months old.

a bit saggy and unproportunal (MommyB)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 22 Comments

I am 23 years old, and I got married November of 2007. I had my son in May 2008…it was very very stressful, and i wanted my husband to enjoy my body…the only time my husband has seen my body is either filled with milk or like show below…I am not sure whether or not i was unproportional at all before i was pregnant, but I deffiently am now…its like one of my breasts got larger and stayed that way, and the other went back to the way it was before…

i believe the saggyness came from breast feeding for 5 months.

i get so frusterated about my breasts, alot of the time because I dont feel like I can give my husband the perfect
breasts he deserves and probably wants! I have a good man tho, and he just says “you are you and i love you…” :)
but it still diggs down inside me, that i am unattractive, etc…and that all other girls my age are perky and beautiful.

this site is amazing… i love it…it made me feel alot better about my chest and my body…but i thought i would show my body so those who have a chest like mine can know that they are not alone…that other girls have it too…

these pictures are taken 15 months after birth.

Update – 3 Months After Delivering a Baby Boy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 12 Comments

I sent an entry in April and just wanted to send a little update.

Since my last entry I have been working out about 3 times a week and trying to eat healthy. My boy is growing so much and amazes me everyday! He is now 8 months old and just learned how to pull himself up into standing position. Being a mom is definitely the best job in the whole world!

The first 2 pictures are of me at 6 months post partum and the second picture is me now at just about 8 months post partum. :)

Updated here.

Twin Skin at 21 Months (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Twins 21 Comments

I found out I was pregnant when I was 20. It was with the love of my life, so we were both excited, and afraid.

We found out it was twins at 9 weeks.

I went to 39 weeks, and had a c-section after 36 hours of labor.

It is now 21 months after my pregnancy.

I have dieted, used creams, and done everything besides surgery to try to fix my stomach.

I love my babies, but hate my stomach. I am just 22 years old, and my body is ruined. I love that some women can be positive, but I just can’t.

My boyfriend (my daughters father) is supportive, and still loves me, and still thinks im beautiful, but I just don’t…

Before having children I would have never considered having surgery, but I really think that I may, if I can get the money together.

(Although it would only be if there is an abundance of $$ because my daughters and their needs will ALWAYS come first haha)

le sigh.

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Finally Confident in a Bikini….After Two Kids! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update, VBAC 12 Comments

This is my third submission to SOAM. My first was 2.5 years after my first son was born by Cesarean. My second was 1 month after my successful home VBAC. Now my VBAC baby is about to turn 1 year old and my journey with this body continues.

I haven’t worn a bikini since before my first son was born. I definitely had the body for it then, but after my kids, not so much. I was just a little too flabby, a little too dimply, a little too saggy, to be “good enough” to show off. Even though I had a body that my other mom friends envied, I wore a tankini with a full skirt in the pool.

Now that I am about to celebrate the victory of my triumphant VBAC, I am reflecting on how amazing my body really is and what spectacular gifts it can give me, not only in the form of my children, but in raw power. Despite what doctors told me, despite what people said to me, I know my body is awesome. And when we took our first family vacation to the beach this summer, I finally felt comfortable enough to show it off.

And do you know what I saw? I noticed lots of other mommies, young ones, older ones, moms of all ages and shapes, in their bikinis too. Dimply thighs, flabby tummys, floppy boobs and all. We were all there to have fun and soak up the sun with our families, not to look perfect and be admired. I realized that once you become a mom, it’s OKAY to be less than perfect. The “mom body” is expected and accepted. It makes me a little sad to know that for women who are not yet or won’t be moms, the onus of looking like Barbie might never go away. But once your body has carried and birthed a child, the only people who demand it to look like it did before are ourselves. No one else cares. This realization was very freeing, and I thoroughly enjoyed my vacation.

Here is a photo of me and my VBAC baby, who will be one year old on August 14th. I am 26 years old. My first child will be 5 next month.

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