Second Pregnancy

I Control My Body, My Body Does Not Control Me! (Danielle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

My age: 35
Number of children: 2 – Daughter 3yrs, Son 5 months

No one ever told me anything about what happens after pregnancy – the fatigue, depression, mood swings, bleeding for weeks, body changes – the list goes on. I was prepared for my baby, but not prepared for what pregnancy did to me.

I got pregnant with my daughter the month I turned 31. It was the first month we tried and my husband and I were ecstatic. I don’t remember much about the pregnancy except the fear and the aches and pains toward the end of the pregnancy. I have been a runner since the age of 19 and so continued to run while pregnant. I ran up until I was around 32 weeks along. In the end, I gained 40lbs and got severe, sudden onset pre-eclampsia and had to be induced. My beautiful baby girl was born healthy and full-term at 37 weeks weighing 5lbs 11.5oz, 17in long. She is the joy of my life.

After her birth, I continued to have high blood pressure for a couple of weeks and developed PPD along with strange looking bruised spots on my lower legs which I later learned can be caused by high blood pressure. I was unable to breastfeed my daughter because the doctor gave me water pills which dried up my supply. This didn’t help with my depression. I had suffered with depression before, but nothing prepared me for PPD. I do not believe in taking anti-depressants so I handled my PPD the way I always handled depression – I ran.

At first I thought the running was going to kill me. I remember the first time I tried to run I barely made it 100 yards. I could feel my tummy jiggling and that really upset me. I wondered if I would always feel that and I had thoughts of giving up and accepting failure. But I kept trying to run, even holding my tummy and wearing tight fitting pants to hold it in. Eventually I could run a mile, then two, then three and more. And eventually my tummy stopped jiggling.

In 3 months I dropped all of the pregnancy weight (I had 25lbs to lose) and, though still slightly depressed, I felt more like myself than I had for six months prior. Around that same time I ran a 10k and finished in an hour flat. It felt good! By 6 months postpartum I weighed the same as I did prior to becoming pregnant and was a whole dress size smaller.

I got pregnant with my second child almost two years later. This pregnancy was a lot more memorable and I was very comfortable with being pregnant. I took belly shots and documented the pregnancy up until the day I delivered my son at 39 weeks. I gained 35lbs and, as with my first pregnancy, I ran up until I was 32 weeks along, but, unlike with my daughter, I continued to walk every day for 30 minutes until he was born. There were no complications with his delivery. He weighed 6lbs 13oz and was 19.5 inches long. He is the love of my life.

This time I lost all of my pregnancy weight by 4 weeks postpartum. I believe it was because I pumped for four weeks to give my son as much breast milk as I could. I did not get PPD either. Instead, I felt amazing! I started running again at 2 weeks postpartum. A month later I added toning exercises. I currently work out 45-60 minutes a day, five days a week, and vary my workout between running, cycling, step aerobics and body toning exercises. Do I have to work out so much? No. I could keep my body looking like it does working out half that much, but I LOVE working out. It is time for ME and I feel powerful when I do it because I know that my body doesn’t control me – I control my body.

I am now 5 months postpartum and weigh the same as I did pre-pregnancy. I did not get any stretch marks from either pregnancy and the extra skin I do have is minimal. I do remember having less extra skin after my first pregnancy than I got this time around and it upsets me a little, but I know that if I continue to watch what I eat and exercise that the skin will eventually return to how it was pre-pregnancy, just like it did after my daughter. I started out a C cup and with each pregnancy, went up to a DD cup, and then back to a C cup. The only thing different about my breasts is that they are a little less perky, but otherwise look the same.

My only complaint about my body now is that I have spider veins in my lower leg and still have those strange bruise-like spots on one calf. I plan on getting laser vein treatments but am waiting until I know for sure if I will try for a third child. My doctor told me the veins are genetic, but considering the other genes I could have inherited, I am not complaining.

I could not find any photos of me pre-pregnancy for comparison, but I can tell you my body looked the same about six months after my first baby as it did pre-pregnancy.

I Feel Hideous (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 22 Comments

age: 22
pregnancies:2
births: 2
age of children: 2 and 1 (on june 29th)

I’ve been reading stories here on TSOAM for awhile now. And I have finally gotten the courage to write the self-image struggle I am going through right now.

I was raised by a materialistic mother where looks, glamour, and fashion were a priority.

I was the tomboy type. Hair in a pony tail, wearing comfortable clothes, care-free of what the world saw me as. That was my attitude through my high school years. I didn’t care what people thought of me. If they wanted to judge me by my looks, fine.

I was also “realistic” when it came down to looks. My mom always told me I was too fat and ugly.

I didn’t think I was TOO fat. I would say I was a bit thick, but not fat.

In terms of being ugly, I don’t know…I had my pretty days, I had my ugly days, but boys have told me I was cute. I would say I’m just average.

I didn’t let my mom bring my confidence and self-esteem down. But it was an everyday hobby of hers.

“You’re so fat.”

“I can’t believe you’re my daughter.”

“Why couldn’t you look more like your sister?”

“Do you always have to wear those jeans?”

“When are you going to start wearing make-up?”

“You know you’re ugly, right?”

I’m 4’11” and I never went past 120 and never below 100 but mostly stayed at 105-110.

(My weight fluctuated A LOT because I’m a terrible picky eater..so it was always famine or feast with me)

Well, I got pregnant when I was 19 with my first child and I was clueless. I didn’t know anything. Literally.

So I just lied around the house, eating whatever I wanted but never exercised (and I was work-out-aholic), thinking that’s what pregnant girls did (so naïve, I know). I ended up gaining 67 pounds but my doctor said I was healthy and so was my baby girl.

After giving birth I dropped to 140-145 but 3-4 months later, I got pregnant again with my second.

During those first three months however, my self-esteem was at an all time low.

Ladies at my church don’t even look fat. They are model skinny.

Seeing them so skinny, even after having three kids, made me feel depressed.

My mom hounding at me about how hideous I looked wasn’t exactly helpful either.

I got stretch marks on my calves, ALL AROUND my thighs, my stomach, and my hips. EVERYWHERE.

And it was hard to adjust seeing bright, red wrinkly lines on my skin that was once smooth and soft.

It was even more difficult seeing my stomach. My mom was right…I am hideous.

Through that depression, I found out I was pregnant.

I pushed my self-pity aside and tried to be as happy as I could.

But this time, I educated myself about pregnancy.

That’s when I found out that exercising is a healthy part of pregnancy.

I started a workout routine right away, determined to not gain 50+ pounds again.

This time, I gained 15 pounds.

And after giving birth to another beautiful baby girl, I weighed 135.

Seeing that weight drop brought on a lot more depression.

I was happy I lost more weight than I did with my first pregnancy, but it was because of exactly THAT, that got me depressed.

Why didn’t I learn about pregnancy before instead of just getting by other people’s advices (whom never mentioned exercising…)

I could have gained 15-20 pounds the first time and maybe I wouldn’t be so fat right now. I wouldn’t have so many stretch marks. My baby would be healthier. I had the worst baby blues, it was at the point where I was contemplating suicide. But I never told my doctor…I don’t believe in medication if I don’t think it’s necessary.

My oldest is now two and my second will be one in a couple weeks.

I am happy for the most part. As in, I am happy when I don’t see myself in the mirror.

When I do, I’m hit with that regret of not controlling my weight my first pregnancy.

I’m hit with depression all over again because I let myself get so fat.

My husband tells me I am beautiful..but I just don’t believe it. (Side effect from my mom’s raising..I can’t ever accept compliments on my looks..)

I love my baby girls, they are hilarious and beautiful. My husband is always supportive and loving.

I just wish I can be confident again.

Or at least just…comfortable in my own skin again…

pic 1: side view of my post partum tummy
pic 2: front view of my post partum body
pic 3: post partum breast and tummy
pic 4: holding in my tummy- I wouldn’t mind looking like this

Updated here.

2 Babies, Body Unscathed (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions

I wish to submit these photos to share to give some women hope and prove that pregnancy doesn’t “ruin” your body – I am in no way trying to “brag.” These pictures are of me 3 years after two babies, 6 years apart. I was 24 with first baby and 30 with the 2nd. So, take into consideration the time…I’ve had time to recover! I am 5 5″ and 125lbs. Many people believe that only celebrities or rich people can “snap” back into shape or avoid stretchmarks. This is not true! It doesn’t take a lot of money – I am proof! I gained 35 pounds with each of my pregnancies. I watched what I ate (sort of) and tracked my weight gain by the week. I did not use being pregnant as an excuse for gorging myself on milkshakes and cheeseburgers! I did my best to stay within the healthy range of gaining. I religiously rubbed Emu oil on my tummy 4-5 times a day! I am not sure if this helped me avoid stretchmarks, but it sure felt good and my skin was like velvet! :-) I am NOT perfect…my stomach is not super-model material and I have cellulite. However, I am so proud of my body for what it has done and for growing two beautiful babies for me! Maybe I was lucky…maybe it was good genes…maybe it was a healthy diet and moderate exercise that helped me snap back. I just wanted to let people know that having a baby or being pregnant doesn’t ALWAYS ruin your body!

Will Anyone Love this Body Again? (Rebecca)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

In December of 2007 I got pregnant with my son, I was 23 years old. My then husband deployed when I was 17 weeks pregnant and I went back to live with my parents for 4 months. I didn’t have a job, I was sad because my husband was gone, I was lonely and completely unmotivated. I took being pregnant as permission to eat whatever I wanted and as much as I wanted. When I got pregnant I was about 164 lbs @ 5’7” which looked pretty good on me, I still didn’t love the way my body looked but I would kill to have it back now. I gained around 74 lbs before I had my son. My weight before delivery was 243 lbs I think. My son weighed 7lbs 10oz and was 21” long, born 8 days late via emergency c-section (I was put under.) I lost about 40 lbs in the first few weeks but then gained 20 lbs or so back in the next several months. I just couldn’t get control of my eating. I used food to solve all my problems. I decided it wasn’t worth trying to lose weight because I knew I wanted another baby and why should I lose weight just to get fat again? Yes it was a warped way of thinking, but it gave me an excuse to keep eating the way I wanted to and not take control of my problem. When my son was 13 months old I got pregnant with my daughter (October 2009) at that time I weighted about 225 lbs. I gained maybe 20 lbs with that pregnancy, they didn’t weigh me before I gave birth so I can’t be sure. My daughter was born on the day of her scheduled c-section via VBAC weighing 8lbs 4oz and 21” long. My daughter will be 10 ½ months old next week and I weigh 216 lbs still. I struggle every day with my eating habits and am working very hard to get them under control. When I was 35 weeks pregnant I split from my husband and moved back home. Since then I have been raising our children alone as we like 800 miles apart. It has been a struggle for me and I find myself repulsive, I have always had issues with body image and I don’t know if I will ever be good enough for myself. I worry that I will never find someone who can love and accept me for myself. All I see is this fat ugly body and I also come with 2 children. Who wouldn’t want to pass that up? So here I am sharing my story and my pictures hoping to find acceptance and a little understanding. My babies mean everything to me and I try to remember that as I hate on my body. This body that I have ended up with is my own fault and I think that is harder to accept than anything else. If I just would have exercised a little control while I was pregnant with my son I wouldn’t have gained so much weight, and then maybe I wouldn’t be stuck with this misshapen stomach that may never look normal again no matter how much weight I lose.

Age: 26
Number of pregnancies: 2
Number of births: 2
Age of Children: 2 ½ and 10 ½ months
Pictures: pre-pregnancy, today x3, my daughter, my son

Surfin’ Mama (Gia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 39
2 boys ages 5 years and 10 months
10 months post partum

I have a scar on my calf. It is thin and whitened with age, and every year that passes it fades just a little bit more. That makes me sad, because I love this scar. I loved it even more when it was new, thick, and hideously red. When people saw it, they were prompted to ask, “How’d you get that scar?” I would proudly say, “When I was first learning to surf.” Then I would tell them about how I paddled out on a day that I shouldn’t have. The waves were overhead, the rip current churning, the black flag thwacking in the wind, but I hopped on my board anyway. I paddled through the whitewash, duck-dove through the impact zone, and waited through several sets to gather the courage to drop into one of those ferocious waves. When I finally did, my timing was just a little bit off, and I went over-the-falls. For the non-surfers reading this, that’s when the wave drags you up and over, then comes crashing down on top of you, bashing you into the ocean floor, churning you relentlessly before spitting you out in the shallows. Somewhere in that murky washing machine, a fin on my board sliced through my leg. By the time I struggled back up to the beach, I was bleeding profusely, but I felt strangely exhilarated. I had conquered my fear. It’s a moment I will remember forever.

I don’t feel the same way about the scars on my belly. They are thin and whitened with age, and every year that passes I wish I could erase them completely. If there was a safe, easy, painless way to do it, I wouldn’t hesitate. But a tummy tuck seems extreme in my case, and adding a severe, hip to hip scar to get rid of a bunch of tiny ones, all so I can wear a bikini for three months out of the year, seems a little illogical. I’m not sure why I can’t embrace them like some of you. I love my kids, and stretch marks are a small price to pay, but I’m not emotionally attached to them in any way. I don’t think stretch marks make me stronger, more interesting, wiser, or more motherly. I don’t think that women who don’t get them are missing out on any sort of badge of honor or courage, “warrior stripes” as some call them. While I respect that others celebrate them, to me, they are not something I’ve earned. They’re just stretch marks.

When I was in my early twenties, I had a roommate who would spend hours examining herself in a magnifying mirror. She would pluck and poke at imaginary flaws in her perfect porcelain skin. When I would ask her what the hell she was doing she would respond, “Can’t you see that?” I tried to explain to her that no one views her through a magnifying glass. No one stands that close, so it’s pointless to look at yourself that way. This didn’t console her, and she would turn back to her mirror and start picking again.

It occurred to me the other morning, when I was standing at the mirror, staring at my belly in the unforgiving morning light, that I also look at myself in the wrong way. People do not just see one part of me, they see the overall shape. They do not stare at my stomach, my nose, my feet (okay, my husband stares at my ass, but you get my point). So I took five steps back and really just looked at the overall package, the way a stranger would look at me. An amazing thing happened. The stretch marks disappeared, and I saw what I am. An athlete. Broad shoulders, muscular arms, toned legs. I saw a healthy, active mother. So whether you’re athletic, curvy, or thin, embrace your overall shape. Forget the cellulite, the wrinkled skin, the moles, the stretch marks. You’re the only one looking at them, in the right light, at the right distance, in the exact position, that amplifies their significance. Then jump into the future for just a moment, and ask your 80 year-old self how she feels about the body you have right now, stretch marks, sagging belly skin and all. You’ll be shocked at the response. You know what mine said? “I just wish I could still paddle out and surf.”
Picts taken today

Disappointed (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 12 Comments

Original post here.

children: 5 yrs, 2 yrs

Today I was looking at soam and noticed the NYC newspaper had done a column on Soam I read it and continued on to read the comments.

I cried, I come to this sight when I am feeling low and need to see and hear people I can relate to and then ignorant comments take that comfort away. Those comments just solidify my fears of people thinking I’m gross, I was scared to post pictures in my last entry and now I probably will never post pics of myself in fear that people will see them, laugh and make comments I already get from myself. I wish I was one of those people who could just feel good about themselves and not compare myself to what I used to look like and not care what others think, but I’m not and hearing and seeing those comments is not getting me any closer.

In Love with Stretch Marks (Jesi)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 5 Comments

Age: 19
Number of Pregnancies/Births: 2 (1 birth and currently 15 weeks with second)
Age of Children: 9 months; 15 weeks pregnant

I have a loving relationship with my stretch marks… They show that I have created a child and am currently creating another one. Sometimes I do long for that “normal” fit 19 year old body that I should have. But I wouldn’t trade my son or being pregnant again for the world.

With 2 pregnancies so close together (my son was 5 months when I got pregnant), my body is going through a major rollercoaster. I’m also still breastfeeding my 9 month old and I’m so blessed that my body is capable of caring for 2 children simultaneously.

I am 5’6 and the day before I gave birth to my son, I weighed in at 240. I got down to 203 when my son was 4 months old (yay breastfeeding!) but am now up to 215 again as I am 15 weeks along with my second baby.

I sympathize with all of the women out there that struggle with body issues and self-esteem. But always remember, you ARE eternally beautiful to the child that you gave life to. They won’t care how many stretch marks you have or how much you weigh.

Just to show the world how beautiful pregnancy, motherhood and even stretch marks can be, I always flaunt my mommy figure in a 2 piece :). In this photo I am 14+5 weeks pregnant and already have a belly..

The Thoughts that Plague (Elizabeth Ashby)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Cesarean, Children with Health Complications, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Toxemia 10 Comments

age 22
2 pregnancies and children aged 3 1/2 and 10mnths

I had split up with my boyfriend 2 weeks before I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant with my first daughter. Before the pregnancy I had never been over 50kg in my life (I am 5ft 1in). I smoked 50cigarrettes a day, smoked a lot of pot and drank too much beer. After finding out I was pregnant I completely stopped pot and beer immediately but was only able to cut back to about 5 a day (max) cigarettes. Depending on how sick I was on any given day.

I had intense migraines where I would not be able to move and my housemate would have to pour bits of water into my mouth to try to help me drink. I barely kept any food down the entire pregnancy and swelled out to 65kg.

I complained to my G.P about various problems I was having and he told me I was “a paranoid first time young mum”

I believed him.

At 6mnths I quit work because I was just too sick to continue and moved in with my mother. However as there was no room there as soon as my centrelink was approved I moved in with my ex-boyfriends parents.

When I was 36weeks gestation I woke up one morning at 5am surrounded in blood. I thought I had miscarried. I cleaned myself up as best I could and went and knocked on my ex’s parents bedroom door and asked his mom to drive me to the hospital.

We got to the hospital and after examining me and stabilizing me they informed me that we had probably arrived with around half an hour to spare for my life.

They performed an emergency c-section and my first beautiful daughter was born at 4 lb 2 oz.

When I asked why this had happened they said I had pre-eclampsia but not to worry it shouldn’t happen again.

My wound came open once about a month later and got infected but I gained control and it healed tho the skin for about 2 inches above never really stopped being sensitive.

My ex and I started out our new journey of parenthood fairly angry with each other and fought a lot. However slowly we started to become friends again and then one day we both admitted we were still in love. We got back together when she was 8months old.

I got back to 54kg just before her 1st birthday and proposed to him. He said yes.

We ummed and uhhed about wanting another child and then near her second birthday we decided we did.

We got my implanon rod taken out and 2months later I was pregnant.

The bleeding started at 5 weeks. The migraines, swelling and other issues started again.

This time I didn’t rest until we found a doctor who would look at my problems properly.

They found out I made extremely bad placenta (not very nutritional and clotted easily)

Also I was leaking the amniotic fluid but we were not aware because it was not leaking out of me. Just going into my body somewhere.

At 18weeks a doctor told me that there was a minuscule chance she would be survive and I should have an amniocenteses. I have normally always been against them but I was in so much shock I just agreed.

He put the needle in and it hurt like hell I could feel it wriggling inside me. He then said he’s missed the amniotic sac and would have to try again.

By this stage I was crying. He did it again and once again said he’d missed and wanted to do it again. It was all I could do to choke out “no” and when he tried to argue with me my sister who was with me stood firm for me. He backed off.

So of course I had gone through this horrible experience (my husband said I screamed in my sleep for two weeks afterwards) for no results.

At twenty weeks they told us that we should prepare for the worst. That we were not past the stage where she was a “legal human life’ and that cremation/burial were legally required and if we wanted a funeral.

The entire time they had been berating me for not getting more bedrest. All I could think was you look after my other daughter then!

At 24weeks I went into the hospital for another checkup (they were weekly) and my doctor said she was admitting me immediately as my blood pressure had sky rocketed and therefore the pre-eclampsia was back.

At 26weeks it went even higher, beyond fatal high and they said they were doing another c-section. They weren’t sure how soon. (I was now 73kgs)

My mother fiancé and I spent a horrific 24hours in a hospital birthing suite whilst listening to other women screaming while giving birth. They injected me with something and it felt like my veins were on fire for hours and hours. They kept inserting my catheter wrong but wouldn’t let me go to the toilet properly so I was in pain and discomfort and had to keep getting my gown and sheets changed. My poor mother and fiancé caught my attitude as I got more and more upset.

Finally they told us I was going in. we waited in the anesthetists room for half an hour before they told us it was on hold again. Back to the room we went.

A while later we were back again. They told me I should sit up for the epidural but I told them that for my first c-section I had almost knocked out the nurse leaning over me cuz my back had spasmed when they put the epidural in. He tried to put the epidural in 4 times with me lying down. Then 4 times sitting. He got it on the 8th try.

I was in immense pain the entire time with shooting pains between my hip and knee on my left side and pain all up and down my back. I was crying hard.

My fiance had just stood up to tell him no more when he said it was in. (I have since found out that it was a training doctor. Not happy!)

The surgery went well so to speak. I cried the whole way through, barely remembered her cry when she was out. Then I remember them saying they were going to have to put me under as I was too distraught.

I woke up in a kind of waiting room. My sister came to visit me and said my fiancé was upstairs with the baby. She was born 661g.

I finally got released about a week and a half later. It was extremely hard being in my room with other mums coming and going who had their babies.

An exact month after she was born we got married. A small ceremony with only immediate family and friends at my in-laws house. All up including the celebrant was $1000. (Australian). (I was very proud of that since we do struggle financially but still didn’t want a registry wedding)

When she was 4 ½ months old they finally released her. On oxygen. At 8mnths she came off it during the day then at 9mnths she came off it completely. So it’s still early days but it looks good. She has chronic lung disease and we will have to watch out for so many things throughout her life and have so many doctors appointments but she’s made it.

I am now 77kgs and although I have not increased in weight since our wedding I have not been able to loose any either. I walk and eat well. My wound has come open 3 times so it’s a constant battle.

I have been diagnosed with chronic depression dating back to when I was 13 from having an emotionally abusive relationship with one member of my family. I have been able to battle it with an amazing medication although we are still trying to get a councilor for me that I can afford (the only one we had didn’t want to talk to me because she didn’t think she could help me she claimed).

We have been told that we shouldn’t have any more children. They said the same things would happen and even if they baby survived I very likely wouldn’t.

I am slowly getting better with my image of myself (my husband is amazing) but I still definitely have my down days so I come on the shape of a mother and it helps me lift myself back up.

My thanks to every single person who has helped me in my life and everyone who has posted on here for helping me be a better me.

first photo: before my pregnancies getting ready for work.
Second Photo: when my first daughter was about 11mnths
Third photo: me in my wedding dress and my eldest daughter
Last three photos: me today.

Happy… This is Who I Am (Bryana)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 2 Comments

Previous posts here, here, and here.

I’ve written on here many times before. Each time a progress report or a pep talk. Each time has been therapeutic and refreshing; taking a few minutes to reflect solely on myself and my feelings of myself. It’s not often we take time to acknowledge ourselves as women, not just mothers. But this time for me, it’s about the acceptance and happiness with myself. Now that is refreshing.

As I approach the 2 year mark since my daughter’s birth and the 2 year mark of the last birth I will experience, I no longer feel empty or alone. For the last 18 months or so I have had a feeling of loss. I
felt like I was cheating myself. I am 23, nearly 24, and my fiancée and I have decided that our 2 beautiful
and healthy children are enough to fill our lives. The decision to stick to our 2 children was never something that bothered me. After a long talk with God and my fiancée we knew that the children we had were the only children we would be having. Not only financially or mentally motivated, but medically as well, we knew our decision was the right one. All the doctors I had seen had advised me not to have any more children. It could be detrimental. Why would I risk leaving my 2 children to possibly add a 3rd? It didn’t seem right to me. So my husband went in and got his vasectomy. The feeling of emptiness or loss came from knowing I would never feel that kick in my ribs again, or the excitement of hearing the heart beat, or finding out the sex. I feel I took my daughters pregnancy for granted. I never really took the time to relish in it, to realize the miracle taking place. Maybe I was just feeling guilty. I still don’t know, but those feeling have faded and no longer haunt me. Watching all my friends bring children into this world brings me so much happiness and joy now, rather than a little envy. That’s when I knew my feelings were fading and acceptance was taking place.

Today, nearly a month away from the 2 year PP mark, I am finally happy and completely accepting of myself, my life, and all the blessings I am granted each and every day. I absolutely love my body, stretch marks and flabby skin included! My body seemed broken for a while. Previously written about, my body could not hold any weight. I was losing weight faster than I could say “Stop!” and no one could figure it out. But finally, my body has found its balance. I stay steady at 110lbs, I rarely have headaches any more, and I can eat a healthy balanced diet without fearing the outcome. If I want chips, then I’ll eat them. I’m not afraid of my body any more, and that is such an amazing feeling.

I have begun to see my body as a place where miracles took place. Why should I be ashamed of the marks that were left by a miracle? All they are is proof of where a miracle was born. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Many women who happen to not be blessed with having children, or being able to carry a child to term, yearn and beg for a mark to show. A stretch mark to many are ugly, but to others it is such a beautiful thing. To me, they are beautiful.

Today I stand at 4’11” tall. I am 110lbs and healthy… finally! I am comfortable in my own skin. I love myself. In a month and a half, July 2nd, I will be married, living in a new amazing house, and beginning new memories to last a life time. My daughter will be 2, and my son nearly 5 ½ ! He will be starting grade 1 in a new school with new friends. I will watch them run in the back yard, much like a miniature jungle for kids. I will watch them celebrate each other and holidays. That for me is what life is all about. That for me is beautiful.

I don’t believe I will post again. I find closure in this post. However I will continue to read the amazing stories on this website, and continue to help you all find peace within yourselves.

I have posted picture. They are of me today, May 20, 2011. This is me happy and proud of who I am!

Want Another Baby, But Worried About Body Image After (Laura)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 9 Comments

Age 28
Pregnancies: 2
Births: 2 ages 8 and 6

I had both my kids by the time i was 21 years old. My son is 8 and my daughter is 6. After having my daughter I was so worried about getting pregnant again and I hated the way my body looked with all my stretch marks. They are all the way down to the back of my legs and haven’t faded much even after all these years. I only gained 30 pounds with each pregnancy. I decided at age 21 to have my tubes tied. I’m 28 now and I really regret having the surgery done. I am seriously considering having a tubal reversal done so maybe I can have another child by the time i am 30. I am just really worried about what I will look like after a 3rd pregnancy and if I will have a harder time getting my body back being older now. Right now I am not happy with my body and my goal would be to lose another 20 pounds before having another baby. I don’t know if I think I look worse than I really do. It’s the stretch marks that really kill me!