Pregnant

It’s Not Really So Bad (Autumn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 7 Comments

Your Age: 29
Number of pregnancies and births: One pregnancy, one birth
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 9 months

Today marks 281 days since my daughter was born. The same amount of time that she spent on the “inside”. I’ve been looking forward to this day, it feel momentous for some reason.

I look over the landscape of my changed body and I’m grateful that I’m not so changed that i don’t recognize myself but also thankful for the signs that my daughter once occupied my space. The day after her birth (by c-section, after 27 hours of hard labor) i saw my deflated belly in the mirror and thought “I have arrived”. My mind went back to all the mothers on this website and i knew that i was going to be
with the majority with my stretchy skin and mother’s “apron” and not one of the few who return to hard, flat bellies within a few weeks.

Silvery stretchmarks line my belly but they’re only visible in certain lights. In the blinding, brilliant sun they fade into the rest of my skin but in harsh overhead lighting they look like craters. But I’ve grown comfortable in the skin i’m in. I’m not saying that I’m about to get in a bikini and head down to the beach, but i also realize that I’m not in competition with 19 year old spring-breakers. I credit this website with the acceptance, and even love that i have for my new form. Before SOAM i hadn’t seen what a “real mother” looked like without her clothes off. My mom, through genes that somehow skipped me, had no stretchmarks and maintained a very svelte figure. So thank you to all of you for having the courage to post your photos and stories and for giving me the courage to love my jiggle and stretchmarks and even my c-section scar enough to do the same.

Photos-
1 – 40 weeks pregnant, I was HUUUUUGGEEE
2 – My 40 week belly, it was not a “pretty pregnant belly”
3 – Today, sucking in makes it look worse
4 – Today, letting it go makes it look smoother
5 – Today, in the right light everything looks pretty good
6 – My daughter, the reason for this post in the first place.

2nd Baby 12 weeks PP, I Hate My Body! (2nd Time Mom)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 14 Comments

I was 18 when I got pregnant with my first and gave birth when I was 19, and then when I had just turned 21 I became pregnant again, and Just gave birth in March. My baby is 12 weeks old. She weighed 8 lbs 2 oz I am breastfeeding and doing Wii Fit to try and get back in to shape but these stretch marks are very depressing!! At my highest pregnancy weight I was 192, and 2 weeks after I gave birth I was 158 and I have gained 10 lbs back so I am at about 168. My goal is to be 145, but that is a long term goal. It has taken a lot to submit this, so please be nice!

1st pic is pre pregnancy, about 6 months before.
2nd pic is the night I went in to labor with my 2nd
3rd pic is 2 days pp
4th pic is 12 weeks pp
5th is 12 weeks pp

~Your Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 4 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: almost 3 years and 12 weeks

Claire

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

Age: 27
First Pregnancy

Before I developed chronic pain I didn’t struggle much with body image issues. I was surrounded by strong friends who were super body-positive. I was also very athletic and that fostered a lot of love and trust between me and my body.

I developed chronic pain 2 1/2 years ago after being hit by a car on my bicycle. Having chronic pain has limited my ability to be athletic to very very gentle movement, and for this and other reasons my body changed a LOT. I lost most of my muscle mass and that wonderful feeling of adrenaline you get when your heart gets going. Even if my body hadn’t changed physically I would have developed body image issues; having chronic pain can cause one to feel that their body has betrayed them. Just being in pain all the time caused me to develop a lot of anger and grief towards my body. Further, I wanted to get pregnant and couldn’t. It took a lot of work and self-care to get off the pain meds and feel strong enough to try.

When I WAS able to get pregnant with my partner I felt like I would never have body image issues again! I felt that if I could make a baby with this body then I would only feel love and gratitude towards it. For the most part, that is what I have felt! But I’ve also learned that it’s just normal to have these ambivalent feelings arise during pregnancy. Most recently, now that I am 37 weeks pregnancy, I’ve developed stretch marks that I’m really struggling with. I have good days and bad days… days I feel acceptance and happiness about the changes in my body and days when I feel ugly and upset and unhappy. It’s awesome to see the diversity of bodies and stories on this website. The more I am able to see images like these and hear these stories the more validated I feel. I see how lovely everyone is and I can turn that feeling on myself.

Thanks for reading my story! These pictures are all of my at present, 37 weeks along.

Out in Left Field (Lisa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 8 Comments

Name: Lisa
Age: 26
Number of pregnancies: 2 complete, currently pregnant with #3
Current Weight: 130-ish
Dress Size: 6-8

Ultimately, I have always been my own worst enemy. As a teen, I worked perhaps a little TOO hard on showcasing my body. I got a lot of attention (both good, and bad). When I married my husband in 2005 – we started trying for a baby. At that time I was 112 lbs. and was a size 4 respectively. I had a cute belly, complete with sparkly navel jewelry. I wore cute clothes, sassy heels, I took care to look my best.
Pregnant with my first, I loved my pregnant physique. I liked my big round tummy, and felt womanly and special. After she was born, and I came home to find that no size 4, size 6, size 8 or size 10 pants would fit…..a change in my body perception forever changed. I was a size 12. 2 weeks after birth, I was weighing in at 146 pounds. “It will come off, it takes time” was what my mother said. But it wasn’t just that. My skin was saggy, stretched, lose. I looked in the mirror – and I didn’t recognize myself. Here I was, a new mother who was madly in love with my child…but I couldnt look in the mirror. When I showered, I hung a towel across the mirror. I didn’t even want to catch a glimpse of my reflection.
My husband waited, patiently, for the time to come when we could be intimate again. I think he felt I was scared…..but it wasn’t that. Under my clothing was a COMPLETELY different body than what he’d fallen in love with, what he’s married, what he’d last seen prior to a baby being housed inside. What was he going to think? What if he took one look and lost all desire? I did the best I could to cover myself, without being obvious. I felt awkward when he reached out to touch me.

I started reconnecting with old friends during my first few months of motherhood. People I’d gone to school with. People who were the same age. Looking at their photos, everyone looked…..the same. The beautiful girls were still beautiful. Now, I really WAS all alone. The first of my “group” to marry, then to have children, and then to completely “let herself go”. I felt disassociated with myself. With the world. My husband took a job working out of town 5 days a week, so it was just me and the baby. It was during this time that I made bad choices with my eating habits. Skipping breakfast, skipping lunch, and picking at dinner. The weight came off. I went back to 120lbs. But nothing really changed. There was still sagging and bagging….but I was happIER than I had been before. Then, the shock of my life when we found out quite unexpectedly just as my daughter was turning a year that we were pregnant….again. I was overtaken with joy, and excitment. But the next thought was, “I didn’t even get my body back. NOW what’s going to happen to me?”

I gained more with my second. 55 pounds. Pregnant, I looked ok. My sizable belly made it difficult to notice where all that weight was. Then, I gave birth, and i was staring, yet again, at someone I didn’t feel I knew. The stretchmarks were bigger, brighter and had spread. I had cellulite and sagging in places I didn’t even realize you COULD get cellulite and sagging. I was ashamed. I stopped wearing tank tops, or skirts, even shorts. I wore my black maternity pants for as long as possible. I tried to hide what I didn’t like.

What took place in me over the next few months was an acceptance of what I was, in a sense. I knew the stretch marks would never go away. I knew that my breasts would never look the same. I knew that losing the extra weight had to come with time. What I couldn’t accept then, or now, is that despite having two exquisite children and loving my role as their mother – I feel less like a woman than I ever have. I feel a loss of confidence, sexuality and femininity. In social settings with girls my age…I feel alone. I make up for a complete lack of pride in myself by making jokes about my forever changed body. “Yep, I have pregnancy service stripes” or, “sometimes I feel a stinging sensation and realize Im standing on my own titty”. It works, in the moment, to help make light of it.

I guess ultimately, all I really want is to turn that acceptance of myself into an actual LOVE for myself. My husband still tells me I am beautiful. One day, I want to see that too.

The photos below are from today…..2 babies in 2 years, and 9 weeks pregnant with my third.

Perfect at Last! (Jen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

When I was younger I was naturally very thin and I hated my body. Then I gained weight and I hated my body. Then got healthy and I hated my body. Then at 26 I got pregnant and I discovered my body. In July of ’08 almost one year ago I gave natural birth to a 9lb 6oz little boy. I gained around 50lbs and since then have lost it. Now here I am with stretch marks on my bottom wrinkles on my belly, stretched out nipples; older, freckled, cellulite and spider veins everywhere (the photos aren’t picking most of this up) and I LOVE my body. I created life! I will get older and things will sag, things will wrinkle and stretch out even more. I will eventually turn to dust but my creations and what my body has made will live on and create even more life. To some I may be too scrawny, too flat chest or much more but to me I am perfect.

Our bodies really are temples. You only have one chance at this life and I don’t want to waste another moment obsessing about what has been and will always be a perfect body! I am not a model or an actress; I am not a doctor or a CEO; I am a mother and nothing can top that! After years of being self conscience about my entire being I have learned the hard way that being confidant in yourself and your flaws is what makes you feel and look beautiful.

-Pic #1 is 4 weeks pregnant
-Pic #2 is 40 weeks pregnant
-Pic #3 is 10 days postpartum
-Pic #4 & #5 is 9 months postpartum

22, Surviving a 2yr Old and Newborn Twins! (Sierra)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins, Update 18 Comments

Age: 22
Number of pregnancies: 2, 3 children
Age: 2 yrs old, and 2 week old twins (2 weeks postpartum)

I had my first child, my son at age 20, he was 7lbs 11oz born vaginally and perfect in every way! i got thru the entire pregnancy no stretchmarks or anything lost all the baby weight and then some by the time he was 10 mos old, and was in better shape than i had been in high school! 5 mos after his 1st birthday i found out i was pregnant, at 9 wks 4days i found out i was expecting twins!! I freaked!! My bf has 2 sets of fraternal twins in his family and i have 2 sets of twins in my family so i guess it was inevitable!! i was very scared at first and later elated! our twin girls were born 4 days before my son’s 2nd birthday on May 19th 2009, at 36wks 6days, both were in the Nicu due to breathing problems 5 days after birth we got to bring the smaller of the twin girls home she weighed 4lbs 14oz at birth and 10 days later we finally got to bring our other baby girl home she weighed 5lbs 8oz!! I should say i’m very luck i gained a little over 45lbs during my pregnancy and have minimal stretchmarks, i’ve already lost 24lbs after just 14days and hoping to lose the rest fairly quickly…I’m totally in love with all of my children and they are a complete blessing to me, i must say i was completely mortified at how my stomach would look postpartum and i guess i should say i’m rather lucky and after seeing so many other posts i should think i have nothing to complain about. there are so many strong and wonderful women on here and this is truly a beautiful and inspiring website!!

Pic #1 & 2: 14 mos postpartum w/ my son
pic #3 & 4: 8 mos preg w/ twins
pic # 5: 14 days postpartum w/ twins…

Updated here and here.

32 Year Old Mom of 2 Boys (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 12 Comments

~Your Age: 32
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 boys ages 20 months and 5 months

At 5’7″, I weighed 145 lbs all through high school. I was all muscle, and on the cheerleading squad, and I thought I was so overweight. I went on fad diets, but nothing really worked. In college, I wasn’t
active at all anymore, and my weight crept up to 160, then higher and higher, until 2002, when at the age of 25 I went through a divorce. About a month after my divorce was final, I was at my highest weight,
225 lbs.

Over the next 5 years, I had success losing weight with Body for Life. However, I would always get to 180 lbs and be STUCK. After I gave up on Body for Life, I went back to 220 lbs. Miserable, I joined Weight
Watchers and over the next 5 months, I went back to 180 lbs. I was very excited to finally break the plateau, and then I surprisingly found out I got pregnant on my 30th birthday.

I had an easy pregnancy, but I gained 70 lbs. :( I was 250 exactly when I gave birth. I went back to Weight Watchers when my son was 5 days old. I had my heart on breastfeeding, but my son refused to
nurse because I was so engorged. I ended up becoming an EPer (exclusive pumper), and did so for 6 months. By then, I had lost all 70 lbs and was back to 180, and was excited to once again try and
break my 180-lb mark. Then, my milk supply dried up. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. My son was 6 months, his demand didn’t change, yet I couldn’t make any milk anymore. I took a pregnancy test
just in case. Surprise! I was pregnant again!

Rinse and repeat, seriously. I gained 70 lbs AGAIN, and was 250 when I gave birth. I was induced with my 1st baby, but my 2nd son came out on his own after the easiest birth ever. 6 hours of labor from
beginning to end, and 2 pushes. If I hadn’t chickened out and made it through the 3 hours I had the epidural, I could have birthed him at home in my tub (if it were legal in my state, which it is not). I was
up within 1 hour, and praise the Lord, he nursed like a champ.

Now we are 5 months postpartum, and I am once again nearing the 180 mark. I am so anxious, because I really do love the way I look in some ways. But I’m ready to try for the final time to become fit.
It’s so unknown though. My husband had a vasectomy 1 week ago, as we know we don’t want anymore children. It’s been so long since I’ve been under 180. I want to be around 140, but I have a lot of work
ahead of me. I am also really unhappy with my breasts. All of the pumping and nursing has taken a toll, and I am not opposed to getting a lift if (I mean, WHEN) I get to my ultimate goal weight.

My husband cannot keep his hands off of me. He loves my breasts and my butt. I am not a self-conscious person usually. When I go out, I feel sexy, and I love to feel sexy around my husband. But I know my
boys are going to be so active, and I want to be active with him. I love them so much, so absolutely. They are the best things that ever happened to me, and when I look at my body, I see them. I still look
at both of them with awe, and I always tell my husband, “I can’t believe we made them, and that they came from my body!” It is so amazing.

Wow, just writing all of that out made me feel so different about myself. Definitely more positive. I am a mother. This is my shape. I could look better, but my kids are healthy, happy, and the product
of a lot of hard work.

Thanks for letting me share my story!

1. 2003, 6 years before pregnancy, when I got to 180 for the first time.
2. Same as #1, just the back
3. 2 weeks before I gave birth to my 1st son (250 lbs)
4. 2 days before I gave birth to my 2nd son (250 lbs)
5. 1 hour after my 2nd son was born (230 lbs)
6. Same, from the side (230 lbs)
7. 6 weeks PP with #2 (about 210 lbs)
8-11. Today, 5 months PP (186 lbs)32

The Whirlwind (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Pregnant, Submissions, Suicide or suicidal thoughts, Vulva/Vaginal Damage 24 Comments

2 weeks after I got married, I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I was 20 years old. My husband was to be deployed for a 15 month tour with the US army in 6 months, at that time. He left for Iraq when I was just under 6 months pregnant. He thankfully got to come home for the birth. He surprised me when I was at work, on my last day before I was to go on maternity leave. I went into labor a week later. September 10th, 2008 I was in labor for 12 hours. I pushed for 2 hours and the doctor decided that the baby needed some help coming out. He used forceps to get the baby out. I ended up with fourth degree tears. Labor was extremely traumatic for me, afterwards I felt like I had been raped (I know that sounds bad, but true). I was so thankful to have my husband by my side at the time, nothing else mattered after I got over the initial shock. But he had to go back to the war in Iraq, our baby was only 12 days old.
9 weeks postpartum, I was still in pain from the birth. I got checked out and the doctor said I had a hole in my vagina! I freaked out. He “fixed” the hole the best he could and told me to give it 6 weeks to heal. 6 weeks later, any time I was on my feet for more then a half hour, it felt like I needed to push out a bowling ball from my vagina (I know! So not fun).I went to see the doctor again. The doctor gave me a look like, “your looked for drugs, aren’t you”. I did not want drugs, I just did not want my vagina to be “broken” anymore. He gave me three options, to have him re-cut me open and stich me back up (no thank you), give me a nerve-killer shot in my vagina to numb me forever (HECK no!), or to deal with. I choice to deal with it.
16 weeks postpartum, I was still in pain. I just figured this was the way it was going to be the rest of my life. I was just glad I didn’t have to deal with my husband wanting sex, since he was still in Iraq. I thought I would go into liver failure with all the Tylenol I was taking just to survive each day. I was not happy. I was in pain everyday, I was dealing with a colicky baby by myself, and I was not getting much sleep at all worrying about my husband and everything else on my plate.
18 weeks postpartum, I decided to stop breast feeding. I wasn’t making enough milk to feed the baby because I wasn’t eating enough. I was miserable. I missed my husband, and life sucked at this point.
One night I was home, putting the baby to sleep like normal. I heard voices in my head as I rocked him that told me to just knock my sons head on the wall and just get it over with. I was hearing voices that told me to kill my son. I panicked. I put him to sleep and I just cried. How could I think like that? I looked at the bottle of pills that was so familiar to me, Tylenol. I thought, I need to end my life if I was thinking about taking my childs life. I took a few pills and I knew I needed help. I called my mom and told her I needed to go to the hospital immediately. I was admitted to the psych ward of a hospital for a 5 day stay for severe postpartum depression. My husband came home from Iraq for emergency leave. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone what happened, so I told them I fell and hit my head. My husband was home for 10 days to help me back on my feet. I got support for my immediate family and they all helped me a lot.
Today, my husbands 15 month tour in Iraq ends in 3 months. I have a beautiful almost 9 month old son. I am fully recovered and not on any meds anymore. I just wanted to share my story to tell everyone that postpartum depression is real and it can be really scary. Just ask for help when you need it, with the baby or just for yourself, if you don’t you will make yourself crazy like I did. Nobody can do it alone, and nobody should.

1st photo is me 8 months pregnant
2nd photo is my husband and I getting our son baptisted when he was 11 days old the day before my husband left to go back to Iraq
3rd photo is my son now (8 1/2 months)

24 Year Old Mother of a Miracle – One Months PP (Carolyne)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 9 Comments

My whole life I have worked out and been active in sports. I played softball in college and after graduating I continued my 5 day a week work outs. Due to a heart condition and severe high blood pressure, I was told I would never be able to have children. Because of the stress the hypertension put on my body, I tried to take care of it as best I could by exercising and eating healthy. In August, 2008… on our one year anniversary.. my husband and I found out I was pregnant. I was shocked – especially after being told it would never happen. Giddy with joy, we went to our first appointment where my OB told me not to get too attached.. as the pregnancy likely wouldn’t last. I tried ignoring the baby growing inside of me… still working out 5 days a week… but after three months and seeing my body change, I knew I could no longer pretend my little baby wasn’t happily growing inside of me. Six months later, on April 19, 2009, we welcomed our little girl – our miracle – into the world after 31 hours of active labor and 4 hours of pushing. What a stubborn child!

Throughout my pregnancy I still exercised 5 days a week with light weights – though not as intense as pre-pregnancy (Dr. said this was fine and wouldn’t jeopardize my baby) – and ate healthy. There were times when I wanted so badly to eat a whole cake… a bag of chips… icecream… fast food… french fries. I knew I needed to stay healthy for myself and my baby and fought so hard to stay away from all the things I craved. It was horrible. I craved all things salty… but because of my blood pressure I couldn’t have salt. Sometimes, amidst all my raging hormones, I would cry because I wanted McDonald’s french fries so bad!!!

In the long run, staying active and healthy helped me. The exercise gave me the energy and stamina to be in active labor for 31 hours and gave me the endurance to push for 4 hours (her head wouldn’t come down!). Eating the right foods helped me to keep my weight gain at a reasonable amount and avoiding the salty foods I really wanted helped keep my blood pressure in check so that I could carry my baby to term. I felt great after delivering and was on my feet walking all over the place just a couple hours later.

The pictures I’ve included are of me at 38 weeks (delivered at 39), one day postpartum and me at one month postpartum. Looking at my belly it looks back to normal with the exception of my lingering linea nigra…. but the belly is definitely not the same which is to be expected. The skin is very loose but will tighten in time. I am very thankful for the miracle that was given to me and for the fact that I was able to carry her against all odds. For any ladies reading this that have health problems and are told they will not be able to have/carry children, I’m proof that you can! Stay healthy and strong and you’ll be in the best place for an event free pregnancy and a speedy recovery. To all the women who have posted on this site, you all gave me courage… made me proud of what my body was doing and the changes that would come. I looked at all of your posts as inspiration and something to hope for when I wasn’t very far along in my pregnancy. Thank you for being strong enough to post on here and for being proud of the journey your bodies took!

Pictures: 38 weeks, one month post partum, and one day postpartum.

Age: 24
Pregnancies: 1
Postpartum: one month

Updated here.