Pregnant

Wedding Night Baby (Achtung)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 2 Comments

Your Age: 24
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy 1 birth
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 months now, 2 months in the photos

My son was a surprise pregnancy. He was even more of a surprise as he was apparently conceived on our wedding night. After making it through my most of first year of teaching, I gave birth to my son as soon as Spring Break started. I went into labor spontaneously at 36 weeks 5 days. After 23 hours 55 minutes of labor, my son was born at 36 weeks 6 days. He weighed 6lbs13oz and has been exclusively breastfed. He’s almost five months old now (and ten pounds heavier than when he was born!), but the picture I have are from two months postpartum. I’ve dealt with postpartum hypothyroidism and have had a heck of a time attempting to lose weight. The first two photos are from three days before giving birth. The second two pictures are two months postpartum and with ten of the 35 pounds I gained during pregnancy lost. I still have a ways to go, but I’m getting there! I’m finally feeling comfortable with the way I look.

Self appreciation, finally. (Cynthia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Plus-Sized Mom, Pregnant, Submissions 14 Comments

Pregnancy can make you feel like your body is no longer your own. It can ruin your self-esteem and make you hate the shell you’re living in. But for some people pregnancy can finally make you feel like your body is WORTH something. This is my story…

I’ve always been a bigger girl. I’ve hated my body my entire adult life. I have had stretch marks everywhere since I was 14. I went from a size 11 to a size 22 in about 4 years. It was devastating and I never thought I’d be able to love myself.
My fiance and I started trying to conceive in December of 2006. I knew that it would be a long hard road. (I have PCOS and it took a while to find out I wasn’t actually ovulating despite having normal periods thanks to Metformin.) I worked on my diet and I tried to exercise, knowing that losing weight would help my fertility and boost my confidence. I fluctuated between losing and gaining the same 10 pounds the entire time we tried to make this happen.
I am 5’4″ and weighed 247 pounds the day we got our positive pregnancy test. Surprisingly I’ve lost 11 pounds since then and I feel better about my body than I ever have in my entire life. I haven’t changed pants sizes or shirt sizes. I’ve gotten rounder and now that I finally look pregnant at 23 weeks I feel fabulous.
I may be overweight (according to most weight charts–morbidly obese) but god damn, I can make a human life, and that is what this is all about. My body can do what a size 6 body can do, what a size 11 body can do, what most women can do… and in the process make me happier than I have been in my life.

And for good measure, a pre-pregnancy picture, from about November 2006. And a belly picture from yesterday at 23 weeks 3 days pregnant.

~Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: This is my first pregnancy.

This is me – sagging boobs and all (Astrid)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 20 Comments

Hi everyone,

First of all I just want to say thank you to all the women that have posted on this page, I have learned a lot from reading your stories and looking at your pictures. I think this webpage is so important.

My story goes like this: I became pregnant for the first time when I was 21. It wasn’t planned. I tried to make it work with the father, but it was just a horrible relationship, I was abused physically (not to mention emotionally), so when my son was about one year old I finally pulled my self together and left him for good. Up until then I hadn’t really thought too much about how my body had changed from being pregnant and breastfeeding; I just had too many problems to even care. I mean; not that it was too much to worry about, really. I pretty much bounced back. But at this moment I had to kinda reshape my life; I had to make a new start, figuring out who I wanted to bee. Needless to say my self-esteem was low at this point in my life. As I said before; I had pretty much bounced back, my stomach was flat and with no stretch marks. I had gotten some stretch marks on my butt and hips, but they never really bothered me at all. My BREASTS is another story though. They were just filled with stretch marks. Up until I stopped breastfeeding (about a year after- around the same time that I left the father) it wasn’t too bad because they were full. But then I stopped breastfeeding and all of a sudden I had these boobs that looked like they belonged to an 80-year old lady! I got so self-conscious about them. I hated how they just hang there, a couple of loose and floppy skin-bags. I hated the fact that I could never go anywhere without tucking them into a bra first to somewhat have them under control. And the problem with finding bikini-tops that they wouldn’t fall right out of whenever I bended over! This was really a huge issue for me for a long time. And being a single mom, I kept thinking that no man would ever think I looked good with my clothes off.

Luckily though, I found a man who did. Or he found me, I don’t know. At 25, I became pregnant with my second child; also a boy, who is now 9 months old. From my second pregnancy I got two tiny stretch marks on my stomach and my belly-button looks weird now, I think. But it is no big deal. My breasts became big and full during the pregnancy, not to mention three days pp, when I was almost afraid they were going to explode. I enjoyed having full breasts for a while there, but now they are back to the floppy skin-bags they were before. I try to laugh about it and most of the time it is ok. I am proud that my body has grown and breastfed two beautiful healthy boys.

Posting these pictures of my breasts is a huge step for me, because I have been so embarrassed about them for a long time. I see the fact that I am able to do this now as a sign that I am making progress in the process to love my body as it is now- breasts included.

In the pictures I am pregnant with number 2 at 41 weeks and nine months pp after number 2

Coming to grips with a cesarean (Colleen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 39 Comments

I found this website before I ever even got pregnant, and I have checked back on an almost daily basis ever since, to read new posts. I think the concept is fantastic, and have been waiting for months until I could do my own post. Now, at three weeks postpartum, I think I’ve waited long enough!

My pregnancy was planned, long-awaited, and relatively simple. I had horrible nausea that set in at 4 ½ weeks, but I never actually threw up. Aside from two bleeding scares (at 6 and 28 weeks), I had no complications up until the very end. I told my husband that I felt like I kind of missed the memo on being pregnant, because I didn’t experience the “normal” swelling, mood swings, elevated body temperature or extreme clumsiness that you always read about.

I have a long torso, so my belly never got really big. An early delivery and daily application of cocoa butter kept me from getting any stretch marks on my stomach, but I did get them all over my thighs, butt and lower back. For some reason that doesn’t bother me as much as the thought of having them on my stomach. They’re small, not very dark, and should fade well. I went from 142 pounds at my 8 week appointment to 176 the morning I delivered, and at 3 weeks postpartum I’m already down to 155—no complaints there. I have some flab on my belly (that I know I can get rid of once I’m allowed to exercise—I’m SO TIRED of being out of shape!), and I don’t know if my butt will ever fit into my old pants again, but again—that doesn’t really bother me. My pants didn’t fit all that well to begin with, so I’m okay with having to buy new ones. I went from a 32F pre-pregnancy to an unbelievable 34H with nursing, and I can already tell that my breasts will sag after I wean my daughter. My husband doesn’t seem to mind, he just enjoys the fact that they’re so big! I still have a great overall shape, and that’s what matters to me.

I was planning on a totally natural birth, partly because I’ve wanted to give birth ever since I was a little girl, and partly because I’m terrified of epidurals. At my 34 week appointment, my doctor discovered that my baby was breech. Two weeks later, an ultrasound not only confirmed the breech presentation, but showed that my amniotic fluid levels were “borderline”. Five “restful” days later, they had dropped to “low”, and I was put in the hospital so I could have IV fluids. Three days after that they hadn’t increased, and I had to have a C-section (epidural included) at 36 weeks and 6 days. I was devastated. I went from wanting the most natural birth possible to getting the most unnatural. Instead of being in the hospital for 2-3 days, I spent a whole week there, most of it very uncomfortably.

The first week or two postpartum were hard. I felt like I had failed. I somehow felt like less of a woman because I didn’t get to participate in the birth of my own child. I was not allowed to wait to go into labor because the fluid was too low, so I have a child and still have no idea what a contraction feels like. I feel like I got cheated out of an experience I’ve been waiting my whole life for. I wanted somebody or something to blame for the whole experience (most of my frustration got taken out on my job, which caused an inordinate amount of stress during the last few months. I don’t plan on returning to the same job). My biggest fear is that I won’t be able to have ANY of my children naturally now, just because the first one was a cesarean. And it seems like nobody really understands how I feel. Nobody can understand why I WANT to go through labor, and the response I always get is “well at least the baby is safe.” I don’t begrudge the fact that my daughter is here and healthy, but I can still lament the fact that she had to arrive in the way she did. I have yet to find anybody (other than my husband) that can appreciate that those are two different feelings. The reactions of others make me feel like I’m selfish for having wanted to be able to give birth on my own, like I was putting my own desires above the well-being of my child. I’ve come more to grips with the cesarean the more time has passed (I’ve stopped crying for hours at a time every time I think about it), but there’s still that lurking fear of a repeat, and the feeling that I missed out on something big.

The pictures are 9 weeks pregnant (the closest I have to pre-pregnancy), 36 weeks and two days pregnant (the last ones I took of my whole body before she was born), two weeks postpartum (I haven’t taken any new ones since then), and my beautiful little girl.

My age: 25 years old
Number of pregnancies and births: one
How far postpartum: 3 weeks

Updated here, here and here.

Three Babies in Four Years (Natalie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 15 Comments

I am 27 years old, and just had my third baby, a little girl, May 11th. That makes me about three months post-partum, give or take a couple of days. I also have a little boy that was born November 14, 2005, and another little girl that was born January 9, 2007. I absolutely loved being pregnant, it was the only time in my life that I truly loved my body and felt completely comfortable in my own skin. The joy of creating and nurturing a new life and mothering my three gorgeous children has been and is the most wonderful thing I’ve ever experienced. Now that I’m done having babies, its been a little hard to accept the changes that my body has gone through, and the end result. I’ve never been a thin person, and right now I am at my pre-pregnancy weight, but I still notice things that I don’t like. I want to be able to look at my soft, round body and love it, but its hard sometimes. I want to be able to look at my belly, at the roundness and extra skin, and be able to see it as the beautiful place that was home to all three of my children. I want to see myself as my children’s father says he sees me, as someone beautiful, someone extremely sexy…and sometimes I’m able to, but not always. I could blame the media I guess, as inaccurately portraying real beauty, but to be honest, I think that the way I feel about myself ultimately has to come from within, and can only really be changed by me. I think this website is a wonderful place for women to come, at least I know it has been for me. I can look at women that are similar to me, and I see them as beautiful. It makes me feel like if I can see them as beautiful, maybe I can learn to see myself that way too.

All the pictures of me pregnant are from this last pregnancy, and any of me not pregnant are from within the last three months. My children’s father has taken all the pictures, and as you can tell, he loves taking pictures of me, and is very good at it :)

I feel so accomplished, Beautiful & new (Brie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 8 Comments

I was shown this site early on in pregnancy. I was blown away! I also realized during my pregnancy that media is really trying to make women feel like shit. scare the crap out of us about pregnancy & then some hahahaha. I didn’t scream, I didn’t cry…well except tears of joy. Remember without birth there would be no us. It has been done for millions of years….Really makes you think why the hell isn’t it more praised & appreciated. My baby weight is quickly falling off. I gained almost 100lbs while pregnant. I had a completely normal & healthy pregnancy. I feel like a new person. I knew my body so well before Now I need to re learn it. Which I find exciting! My stretch marks & c section scar are my mommy marks. I am proud of them I gave birth to an amazingly handsome 9lbs little man. I think all women should be proud of what our bodies can do.

~Your Age:19
~Number of pregnancies and births:1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are:3wks 5dys

My Slow Road of Weight Loss (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 3 Comments

I gave birth to my beautiful son in February 2009 & have slowly lost all but 15 lbs of my baby weight. I have been staying accountable with my diet & exercise by logging everything online at a free weight loss support group. While I am not 110% body confident, I no longer stress about it b/c I have such a beautiful gift because of it. I used to be very pre-occupied with how my body looked, now I am simply happy to eat & exercise to be healthy, not to be the skinniest of all of my friends.

~Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy & 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 months PP

My photos are 5 weeks pregnant, 40 weeks pregnant, 4 weeks PP, 8 weeks PP, 12 weeks PP & 24 weeks PP

I Thought I Would be Hideous (Alesia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Complications During or After Birth, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 12 Comments

as many of the stories i read on here during my pregnancy have said, i thought i was going to look hideous, i of course to was worried about the streach marks, saggy skin, disformed belly button, and all the other things you hear that come along with being a mother, i was terrified. and of course i, just like everyone else, was very body conscience before getting pregnant. but after going through a horrible ordeal,of being pre eclaptic, a 102 temp, b/p of 118/100, an irregular heart beat, fluid in my lungs, one collapsing, and being airlifted to a totally different hospital than my baby to be put in ICU and not even getting to see my son his first 5 days of life, i look at my body and its not all that bad. i gained somewhere close to 50 pounds during my pregnancy the last 20 i gained in the 3 weeks before i had my baby. i am back down to my pre pregnancy weithg of 135, granted i did get streatch marks the night before the morning i went in to labor.or atleast thats when i noticed them. they did end up on the top of my thighs as well, from me being pumped full of so much fluid during labor.( i didnt even lose any wight after birth, i actually gained 2 pounds after being in labor for 13 hrs), granted my belly button isnt disformed but it does look different since i had my baby, and though there isnt saggy skin per say, it is squisher than it once was, and i have one of those brown lines that might not go away. it could be much worse, i could not have my son at all, either way… we all age, and the skin we have today, will go away eventually and be nothing more than a memory
postpartum: 7 weeks
first pic: the day i found out i was pregnant
next: my tummy while pregnant, at 35 weeks
other 3, me today, the last one showing my wonderful c-section scar

Two Blessings (Jess)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Twins 17 Comments

Age: 24
Pregnancies: 1
Children: 2

I was told round 20 years old that I would not be able to have children. Then at 23 I had some further complications and the Dr’s did a surgery to remove massive growths on my ovaries and told me it was a long shot, but if I wanted to try and have children now was the time. Within two months I was pregnant. I went in at 8 weeks with heavy bleeding and tissue… I thought I had miscarried, they did an immediate ultrasound and said “There is heartbeat A, and there is heartbeat B…” My husbands mouth dropped and I just laughed. Come to find out I had had a miscarriage (I was preggo with triplets) but still had two healthy heartbeats! We were ecstatic! The first 20 weeks my pregnancy were great, I was working out, had only gained about 16lbs and really looked good (so I thought) then I went in and my world changed… I was diagnosed with an incompetant cervix and was told I was funnelled out to about 2mm of cervix left… I was put on strict bedrest. Needless to say week after week I kept trucking along. At 28 weeks they told me 2 weeks longer of pregnancy would be a miracle… at 30 weeks I was thinned to .7mm and dialted to 2 cm… still pregnant and still had two healthy babies! At 35 weeks I went into preterm labor and was dialted to 5cm and completely thinned out, but my contractions stopped and I was sent home… at 37 weeks I had no change… I had now gained 70lbs and had more water retention than most had ever seen in the hospital (so they say) Finally at 38 weeks and one day they started me on pitocin and after 5 hours only dilating to a 7 they broke my water and gave me my epi and 11 hours I pushed out our little girl and 52 minutes later I pushed out our boy… they were a healthy 6lbs each! We were told we would never have children and now have two beautiful babies… now back to me!

I had a really hard time gaining weight, I was 140lbs prepregnancy, but with only 18% body fat, I have always been active and have worked out my whole life and try hard to stay at a healthy size 6… I gained 70lbs and had bad bleeding for 3 months after my pregnancy… I only lost 40lbs the first 4.5months post pregnancy… finally I was given the okay to start working out again, I was no longer in my size 6’s but more in a size 11/12… I have been working out for 2.5 months and have lost an additional 15lbs… I still have 15 to go, but I am feeling better about my body and my progress. Our babies are healthy and happy and everytime I get down on myself about how awful I look, I just look at their beautiful smiles and tell myself that it’s a miracle I was able to bring them to this earth and that my body will one day be acceptable… my husband loves me more than before and still finds me sexy (he tells me this often!) Thank you for this site, I feel so lucky to share my experience and feel a little better about being a woman…

The first picture is pre-pregnancy at 138lbs
The second picture is me a day before delivering
The third-fifth are my 7 months PP pictures at 160lbs
and the final are my gorgeous babies

Transformation (Erron)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Pregnant, Submissions, Twins 35 Comments

Age: 31
Number of pregnancies: Seven pregnancies, two successful
The age of my children: 2 aged 4, 1 aged 2, and 1 on the way

When expecting our first baby I remember going to my 20 week ultrasound in my regular pants. I couldn’t wait to start looking pregnant. After two years of trying, and waiting, we were finally on our way to having a baby light our house with his or her own brand of sunshine and happiness. I delighted in my pregnancy, I consciously thought out my meals, so they were balanced, I took my vitamins, exercised lightly, and, all in all, had the perfect pregnancy. At the end of my pregnancy I had gained 25 lbs and didn’t have a single stretch mark. I should have been the world’s happiest woman, except I wasn’t. Our Kate died just before she was born; our delivery room was silent when she arrived.

A week after she was born my body made that amazing Hollywood like change that would have left one guessing whether I was ever actually pregnant. I was so sad. I had absolutely nothing to show for my pregnancy. People would later tell me “Don’t tell people that you made out so well, other women will hate you with jealousy” Who ever thought it would be me jealous of those who’s pregnancies left their bodies transformed? I longed for one stretch mark to prove she had actually existed, just one tiny one. My tummy only showed signs of the baby within for a few days. The comments that, at least, I looked great at the funeral where a slap in the face, really is that what you chose to say, did I really look great?

The truth is we’re all made up of different genetic material. I went on to have twins and another singleton, and amazingly enough I still have no stretch marks. I ate no special diet and slathered no expensive creams on my belly. My body springs back quite quickly, with no miracle exercise regime. I’m lucky, I guess. Nursing three babies exclusively (yep you can nurse twins and never have to supplement, women you are equipped and powerful) have left my, never were A cups, in somewhat dismal shape. My hips have always been a bit on the largish side leaving my upper body super out of proportion. I don’t love the way I look, but it’s how I’ve been remolded.

Some of us will go to accept, and eventually love our bodies, others will not, opting instead to change the outside to better live in their skins. Instead of either group working to make the other one feel bad, or less valuable. Let’s open our eyes to the bigger transformation, the one that takes no physical form, the metamorphosis we make from women to mothers. I love watching my friends embark on the journey of pregnancy and motherhood. I fascinate at the changes these women are able to make within their character to make way for a new being. This is our biggest change, and it is our most remarkable undertaking. No matter who we are on the outside, we all want the same thing for our children, room to grow, happiness, and love. How we provide that, is as diverse as our physical appearance.

I know now that no mark would make Katie more remembered, she lives within me, my husband, and my children. I have grown as a mother in many challenging ways starting with stillbirth, then having a son who works harder than most to overcome Autism, and it’s many challenges to him and to our family, also by having two other little girls who are seeking to find their roles and carve out their spots in our family, and by the three other early losses all at varying times in my life. Pregnant again, I wonder, if there is any room left for me to grow, but I know the growth of a mother is ever expandable. I wear my stretch marks on my heart, you can’t see them with your eyes, but ask me to show them to you, and I will share the stories that have changed my shape in seemingly impossible ways.

Embrace yourself as a mother, whether able to stand naked in front of a mirror boldly and love yourself, or as a woman who feels more comfortable undressing with the curtains tightly closed with the lights off, and do not forget to embrace other mothers whether they share your sense of self or not.

081809-erron-1
Holding Katie’s hand

081809-erron-2
Twin Tummy