Pregnant

Rachael

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

Hello,

My Name is Rachael. I am 22, I live in Bunbury, Western Australia.

I had my baby boy “Traye” on the 21st of February 2010… so that makes me 3 and a half weeks “PP”.

I knew i was going to have a bad stomach because of how quickly my stretch marks came up.. i started showing at like 2 and a half months..

In my whole pregnancy i put on 28kg, something i so was not and still not proud of… when Traye came out i lost 6kgs.. and now ive lost all up 10kgs…

Ive still got along way to go… but i no now by tuning in to the lifestyle you channel on Foxtel with Louise Redknapp Episode that if it took 9 months to put the weight on its going to take at least that to get the weight off..

I look at my son and think well at least something great came out of the pregnancy. labour and delivery ( im sweating just thinking about it )

Thanks for reading this

From Rachael

Teen Mum of One (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 11 Comments

I’m 19 years old. Found out I was pregnant when I was 18 and turned 19 during my pregnancy. I felt really terrible about myself from 6 months pregnant on. I felt I looked so huge and disgusting and cried about it alot. My body after having my baby turned out not to be much better. I had gone from 154lbs to 188lbs and felt so awful. I managed to get my weight down and am now 148lbs but the stretch marks are still pretty upsetting. I really hoped to be able to wear a bikini this summer, after I had lost all the weight, but now I don’t know that I could show my stretch marks. My tummy is also a bit wobbly and yuck. I do definitely feel better though when I come on this site. I love how people aren’t afraid to show themselves as they really are. It makes you feel so bad when you see celebrities on magazine covers in tiny bikinis 6 weeks after their babies and they look perfect. It’s comforting to know that other people feel self-conscious sometimes about their post-pregnancy bodies. I am now 15 weeks postpartum and although I’m looking better than I did, my tummy is definitely not right :S . The first pic is me when I was 9 months pregnant and the second and third are me 14 weeks postpartum. I love my little girl to bits but still hard to accept my new body…

Due in 12 days! (First Time Mother)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 7 Comments

I’m very close to giving birth to my firstborn, a girl. I was about 180 lbs at conception. That’s about 20 lbs heavier than my normal weight, and in a little bout of irony, I was dedicating my summer to exercise in an attempt to get back down to 160, when bam, I got pregnant and sick! extreme fatigue and nausea kept me plastered to the couch for the rest of the summer! and the only food i could enjoy was carbs! so no weight loss for me. i’m now up to 230, or 238 if you believe the scale at the midwife clinic instead of mine. Kinda funny, but i really believed that i could eat for two while pregnant. So i put on weight fast, and by month 7, the midwives advised me to re-think how much i was eating. since then i’ve stopped with the unlimited food intake and only gained a couple more pounds to finish off the pregnancy. it’s pretty shocking to look in the mirror and see this huge belly and huge breasts. i can’t remember when my breasts started sitting on the shelf of my belly. the lower half of my stomach resembles a dry and cracked riverbed of stretch marks. I was convinced for a long time that i wouldn’t get many stretch marks. wrong!! now they are appearing on my inner thighs too, which is a little disconcerting. I’m really looking forward to meeting this baby, but i’m pretty fearful of what my body will look like after birth. I’m not harboring any delusions that my jeans will magically fit right away, but I do really hope that breastfeeding is going to take care of a lot of this extra belly. i’ve also got high hopes that a jogging stroller plus a summer free from work will go a long way to giving me time to re-claim a body that i’m comfortable with.

i’m really curious to find out what this baby girl weighs, as i was almost 9 lbs at birth and my husband was almost 12 lbs!!! maybe this weight is all baby!

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: almost to 40 weeks.

You’ll Never Be Beautiful Again (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 20 Comments

Age:23
Number of Pregnancies:1
Child: 1 unbelievably beautiful son, 8 months

I would love to share the name of my son or a before photo of myself or even a full picture of myself, but I can not bare the thought of someone I know reading this. I have this fear that must come from highschool that someone, somewhere, will see this and recognize me – than before I know it everyone I know gets an email about it and checks it out. Seeing the real me, not the me I allow people to see – The me that only my husband is allowed to see – barely.

I read these stories and think “I’m not the only one” but then I realize or at least feel like – I am. All these women seem so powerful and seem so proud of their flabby belly’s, saggy boobs and stretch marks. I just can’t comprehend how they do it!? Maybe they were once happy with themselves and can look back with fond memories and think “well.. I was hot and now I am a mom and I am proud of it”.

That’s not my story.

I have ALWAYS been overweight/obese. When I was 13 years old I wasn’t even 5feet tall and I was nearly 200lbs. I was teased, tormented, abused and harassed my entire childhood by classmates. When I hit highschool I vowed to be “that girl”. That girl that guys wanted and girls envied. Little did I know “that girl” already existed… A number of them infact. But I still wanted some guy to notice me. Through the years of highschool I managed to stay around 150lbs through anorexia and working out every day. On the day of my graduation I remember stepping on the scale and it hit 149lbs. It was the lowest I had ever been (that I could remember) and I was so proud. I wore my dress with such pride. It was a size 6! I hate itchy tags and I kept the tag on the dress to remind myself that once upon a time – I wore a size 6! I remember teachers and students, guys and girls always complimented me and told me how gorgeous, hot and great I looked – never truly thinking it myself. Then the guy of my dreams..The guy I had been “oogling” over for the past 4 years FINALLY asked me out. We were that “picture perfect couple”. The sweet wholesome image of the prom King and Queen. He told me I was the most amazing thing he had ever seen – yet 3 years earlier I doubt he would have ever said that to me.

After graduation I kept the weight off for a few years and then I stopped doing things.. I worked full time.. And I started to gain. 155 and I swore to myself I wouldn’t let the scale get any higher.. Than 160 and I started to tell myself it’s still ok but no more. Then that guy of my dreams proposed! I was getting MARRIED! And that weight just kept going up… 170…175! I SWORE I would look just as good as I did on my grad day so I dieted, exercised and thankfully on the day of my wedding I was 169lbs. I wanted to be in the 160’s – just telling myself that because it was a 6 and not a 7 I was prettier, I was worth more. I didn’t feel pretty on my wedding day because I knew I wasn’t as skinny as I wanted to be. I promised after the wedding and honeymoon I wasn’t going to “let myself go” and I was going to be that trophy wife my husband deserved. I was the lucky one. I had the “catch” and I needed to prove he had made a good decision. Yet.. That weight kept piling up. Before I knew it I was 183lbs! What happened!? I know people gain weight after highschool but it had only been 5 years and I put on 40 POUNDS??

Then I got pregnant. I thought – great – now what is going to happen to this body I was never happy with? Well, a curse and a blessing I was so sick I only gained 13lbs througout my pregnancy and lost 27pounds about two months after giving birth. I thought – YES – FINALLY! I’m going to be happy with myself! I am going to be “that mom” on the cover of all the magazines. “That mom” that gets her body back in no time and all the other mom’s envy! Yet… This stomach wasn’t tight like it used to be… It wasn’t smooth and sexy like once upon a time… It was flabby… stretch marks that looked more like a road map… What did I do to myself? I guess I got lazy and exhausted and the weight starting going back up….

Now I am back to 188lbs and I fight with myself every single day. You look fine… No, you ugly worthless piece of crap…. No no, you are pretty and technically you are at your pre-baby weight… You stupid lazy junk food eating, do nothing all day ugly woman, it’s no wonder your husband doesn’t look at you the same.. touch you the same… Not only are you hideously disfigured, it’s quite obvious your husband see’s the exact same thing you do.

It’s a constant battle.

I am afraid my husband is going to cheat on me. He says he is in love with me and I am beautiful and he never would cheat but then I see myself and it only confirms what I already know… Why WOUDLN’T he cheat?! He didn’t like me when I was fat in highschool.. And look at me! Who the HELL would be with me? So what if I am “nice” – I can be demanding, annoying, pushy, whiney, lazy… I seem to have more flaws than anything. I can’t even stand being naked. When I get in the shower I take maybe 5 minutes just enough time to wash myself and my hair and get out and cover myself right back up. There is RARELY a moment in the day I am naked. The thought horrifies me.

I KNOW my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me and knowing he is the reason my body is like this, is the only thing that keeps me going. I would go through this again without question, knowing at the end of it – My son will be there – But it’s so hard. It’s so hard! I live in Canada – 7 months of winter meaning I don’t have the luxury of walking outside everyday for exercise – We are a one income family meaning I don’t have the luxury of a gym membership. How am I supposed to teach my son to be fit and active if I look like this? How am I going to teach him to accept a women the way she is.. accept himself the way he is… If I can’t even accept myself?

Reading these stories and seeing pictures makes me understand I am not the only one out there – but I feel like I am. I can’t even put into words how ashamed and truly disgusted I am with myself. I feel like I never really enjoyed the body I had and now, I’ll never get it back and I will never enjoy my body ever again. The only way I am able to cope with every day life and actually wear something other than sweat pants and a shirt 3 times my size, is Spanx. I love them and they have been my saving grace, but what I would give to wear something and have only MY body underneath. What I would give to look in the mirror and smile instead of cringe. What I would give to feel attractive..beautiful..pretty..ok, even not ugly. What I would give to know my husband is attracted to me like he used to be. What I would give to not tell my husband to only take a picture of the baby and not us together because I am too ashamed and afraid to look back and go “yea.. I am what I promised I would never become..that fat, out of shape mother with the double chin.. The one that couldn’t keep up with their kid and used pregnancy as an excuse to stop trying”. What I would give…to be happy.

There is a picture of me during my pregnancy and then my post-baby belly at 8 months.

Irelynd

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 28 Comments

Irelynd
Age: 22
Number of Pregnancies’
Age of Irelynd: 5 weeks 2 days

I was 21 when I got pregnant with Irelynd, at first I cried I was told I couldn’t get pregnant since I have some genetic diseases that made it near impossible to carry a child. My mom wanted me to get an abortion since I am in my last year of college, to which I thought about doing, but I couldn’t figure out why God gave me this child if I was told I couldn’t get pregnant so I decided to have her. Needless to say the pregnancy was very hard, I had debiliateing migraines everyday for three months, I mean I lost my vision my ability to speak threw up all the time was in a dark room for three months it was terrible. I did not gain any weight until I was 5 month pregnant I thought that since it was so far in I would not gain much weight. I was WRONG I started off 118, and a week before I had her I was 171.

I have been a gymnast since I could walk and working out and eating healthy was a major part of my life. I worked out everyday of my pregnancy, even with the migraines I still worked out in my room since I felt worse to not work out. I grew up in a gym, homeschooled with other gymnast we had weigh ins I was an elite gymnast so weight and body image is something I have always struggled with. I was so scared to gain weight scared to get fat, scared that I would go back to high school cutting if I got fat. Just afraid that I would become depressed because I would hate myself. Well I didn’t cut ( go me), but I did become depressed, I hated mirrors and still do, pictures are even worse and make me feel HUGE. My husband has told me from day one how beautiful I am, how attractive I am but how could I be when I was huge and still feel huge.

I also was so afraid to get stretch marks, My sister had a baby and gained 87 pounds she has stretch marks from head to toe and I dredged that. Needless to say I used stretch mark preventative lotion about 10-12 times a day to prevent them. I didn’t, I have them on my hips, my thighs, my butt, boobs, stomach, and inner thighs. I cried, I know there is nothing I can do but I did so much to not get them. I mean I worked out everyday. I was the fat pregnant person that everyone stared at when I went to the gym specially since I’m in college so they are all college kids. I lotion all the time, drank nothing but water. I tried to watch my weight gain since I have Celiac I’m allergic to most foods that could even make me gain weight. But I did.

Then that day came Irelynd was born Jan 31 2010, she was tiny only 6 pounds 15. ounces cute as a button and I fell in love. I love being a mom, I love her like I have never loved anyone before. But I hate my body, I hate that I can’t get it back. Despite what I was told or heard I started working out 3 days after I had her, I’m not good at taking a break. ( I had to go take a test for a class when I left the hospital after having her) I have been working out none stop for weeks and have only lost 32 pounds, which may seem like a lot but I lost that in two weeks and have been stuck at the number. I hate my stretch marks, I hate that my beautiful boobs have now a tear drop look. I’m self conscious when I have sex, specially when I’m on top because my boobs look so gross. Speaking of boobs, I wore a bra everyday all day even at night through my pregnancy to not get a sag, and they did. My husband thinks I’m attractive and tells me all the time but I have the hardest time believing him. I can’t imagine how he could be attracted to me. I’m one of five girls all who look like I did pre pregnancy and are beautiful and I’m still Huge. I know that my daughter is worth it and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I just can’t wait to get back to normal. And I know you may be thinking your nuts you look fine but since I was a gymnast fine isn’t okay, I have to look fantastic. Specially since I still coach gymnastics and have lost all my athletic shape, my ability to do anything above a level 6 which is sad. I want to be thin again, I want to look muscular again.

Sorry I don’t mean to rant but I just need to get it off my chest because I don’t feel like anyone understands and it is great to know that there are other women out there that feel the same way as me.

Picture 1. Before pregnancy (I know my boobs are hanging out but I just won a 1000$ bikini contest)
Picture 2. Forty weeks prego
Picture 3. Hours after having Irelynd
Picture 4. Four weeks P.P
Picture 5. Four weeks P.P

Just gotta keep plugging away at it (Tara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 11 Comments

Age 29
Pregnancies 3
Births 1 Cesarean
5 months PP

This is a great site, I have really enjoyed reading everyone’s stories and seeing pictures of other women PP and their beautiful babies. I have a 5 month old son, he was born by cesarean. I am still trying to get used to the scar, it is red and ugly but thankfully it is low enough that nobody but me and my husband will see it. I am about 10 pounds away from my prepregnancy weight. I am finding that every pound has been a struggle to get rid of. I am breast feeding and it has still been hard. To those women who say the weight just melted right off of them from breastfeeding I am jealous because I have had to diet and exercise hard to lose every single pound so far. I don’t mean to complain, I am grateful that I have my son and that I was able to have a successful pregnancy. I am hoping to have another child in the next year or so all going well.

The following pictures are of me at 37 weeks pregnant, me 5 months PP and my son at 4 1/2 months.

My body has definitely changed for the worse but my little girl was worth it! (Sienna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 Pregnancy, 1 Birth
I am 8 weeks postpartum

I became pregnant when I was 21 after only 1 month of trying and was absolutely delighted! I loved my body just before getting pregnant – I had just lost a bit of weight and was feeling very confident!
I loved seeing my body change as my belly got bigger. I wanted to have the biggest pregnancy bump around lol. I loved wearing tight fitting clothing to show my bump off and loved hearing people tell me how huge I was looking. I just thought that everything would go back the was it was after I had my baby – I was quite naive in that way.

My boobs got bigger by a whole cup size and by 34 weeks I hadnt developed any stretchmarks so I was very pleased. I did used bio oil and palma’s coco butter for my whole pregnancy. Then a couple of days later I noticed a little mark on the side of my hip and knew it was the beginnings of stretchmarks. By the end of my pregnancy the stretchmarks were pretty bad and although I know they will fade they will never completely disappear but the way I look at it is that the are a reminder of my beautiful little girl and my partner says I am still beautiful and should be proud of them so I feel very lucky that way – it is hard to feel that way all the time though, I do feel sad when I look back at pre-pregnancy pictures of my stomach.
I gave birth to my gorgeous daughter after a very traumatic labour and my belly looked dreadful straight after. It was very saggy but I knew that it would be so I wasnt really that bothered. I had to have an emergceny focept delivery and an episiotomy so I couldnt walk for about a week and was very uncomfortable. I have a very large scar from the episotomy. I breast fed and my belly went down suprisingly quick. My boobs were huge because they were full of milk and I loved them! But I only breast fed for about 3 weeks and after my milk went away I am now left with even smaller boobs that I had before being pregnant (I was originally a small B) and on top of that they are very squidgy and droopy and have stretchmarks on – they are just not very nice – I would love a boob job but my partner says he does not want me to get one though I am quite self concious about them, I dont really like him to touch them now because they are so squashy.

I also have stretchmarks on my bum and legs though I did not gain any extra weight during pregnancy (besides the bump) so I was quite annoyed about that. I havent really done much exercise but my belly has gone down alot so I am quite happy with that but it is still very squidgy and hangs over my jeans a little which I hate, muffin top! So I am still wearing leggings as they are alot more comfortable. I am 8 weeks post pregnancy now so I hope my belly will eventually return to normal, although my belly button is alot bigger and stretched more like a hole now when before it was a cute little thing haha.

Anyway, I am unhappy that my body is definatly not what it was, however my little girl was worth it and I’m not going to let pictures of celebs get me down, they are airbrushed, no way could they loose all that weight and look so good so soon! So I am just going to continue trying to eat healthy and do some more situps and not get too down about it – the thing I would say upsets me most is my boobs but only my partner sees them and he says he still loves them so I try now to worry about it too much.
I have a beautiful little girl and I think my body shows the stregnth of a women and what she goes though to bring life into the world :)

Below is pictures of my stomach before, during and after pregnancy from the side and front and also a picture of my beautiful little girl.

Ugly is irrelevant (Alicia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

Age: 21
Pregnancies: 1
Births: 1
Children: One beautiful girl that will be three April 13th 2010.

About two years ago, when I would step out of the shower and see my naked body standing there I would cringe. I would try to get out of there as fast as I could so I wouldn’t have to look at myself standing there… Naked… Overweight… Repulsive. I hated my body. I hated myself. I had gotten pregnant by a man that controlled and emotionally abused me and my dream to further my education and make something of myself seemed long gone. I felt like a stranger had taken up my body and I was living a life I never wanted and that no one would ask for. I am not sure what kept me in it for two years but I am glad I had my moment of clarity. Oh-so glad.

I can now look at myself naked in the mirror and not cringe. I no longer hate myself as fiercely as I used to, though my self-image is still evolving and constantly is a work in progress. I lost twenty pounds and got back to my pre-pregnancy, plus size 14 by talking daily walks with my daughter in her stroller, breastfeeding my child for a year, kicking out my good-for-nothing ex, and eating healthier. I may not be skinny, and yes I do want to possibly lose more weight but I feel more myself now. I have the stretch marks… I have them on my breasts, arms, butt, belly, pubic area, hips… I have taken them in as part of myself. They are mine, no one else’s.

I started reading feminist poetry and listened to some Margaret Cho stand-up and realized how brainwashed I was, that we all are as a society, into thinking a certain size is beautiful… That you had to fit some kind of criteria to be thought of as beautiful in today’s society. Beauty has so many facets and variations. The views on beauty have changed so many times since the dawn of man. Why should we become slaves of something that only changes… Something that is totally objective and pure opinion?

I have recovered my sense of self. I just graduated college December of 09 with an associate’s in dental assisting. I do not plan for that to be my last trip back to school. I want to set an example for my daughter and any future children I may have… and I just love learning. The self-loathing is mostly gone, though I do carry some residue of it. Most of stretch marks have faded, my breasts are not nearly as perky as they once were, I have gained back a few of the pounds that I had lost, I have gone through another painful break-up with my most recent ex, I have reconnected with a man I went to high school with and I have known for years. I am falling for him and I am still to this day not used to his kindness and support… I am at a happy point at my life. I have so much love to give.

I love my daughter, and now I will try my damnedest to love me. Pinky swear to myself.

Pictures: Belly ones are from today, pregnancy pics of the day I was induced, Picture of my daughter and I this past Christmas, and two “glamor” shots. lol

Quotes I absolutely love from Margaret Cho:

“Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion. A matter of taste, a whim, an eye, a beholder, an opinion, a spin, light crossing the frame, paint, projection. The moment. Context.”

“I’m not going to die because I failed as someone else. I’m going to succeed as myself.”

“Just because you are blind, and unable to see my beauty doesn’t mean it does not exist.”

“I think everyone should go on my diet. It’s called the Fuck It Diet. Basically what it is is if I want to eat something but it has a lot of fat or carbs, I just take a moment, and I go within, and I say “Fuck it” and I eat it. You have to do it six times a day. It works really well with the Fuck That Shit Exercise Program.”

I want to look better. (Sue)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children: 16 months

First of all I want to apologize for mistakes, English is not my language, I’m from Poland.

I’m just 22 and I’m not happy about new look of my body… I’m not hating it only because of my boyfriend who seems to like it despite stretch marks and ugly, flat boobs. I was kind of sexy before pregnancy, I had 127 pounds of weight (I am tall, 176 cm) and I miss it very much. At 8th month of pregnancy I looked like a whale (171 pounds) but I was happy and excited. I couldn’t stand waiting for my son, and I was scared that something can go wrong. My friend and her baby had died that year during c-section. I was shocked. We were preparing together for maternity, we had same problems with our boyfriends, we had plans. After their death everything had changed. I was left alone, nobody could understand me and my fears. But luckily my pregnancy went well (I had only some problems with liver) and in October 2008 I gave birth to my beautiful son.

Usually my body is not a problem for me. I’m starting to think about what it looks, when I see slim, famous women 6 weeks postpartum, when I’m comparing shape of my body with my friends who doesn’t have children and when I’m trying to buy some new cloths in which I look nice. I know that my problem with accepting my new look is not serious – in the end my son is happy and healthy and I’m alive. But still I’m not feeling good with myself and I want to fight for better look. I’m going to loose some pounds and change my lifestyle. I know that it’s kind of sad that my self-esteem depends on my look but I think I can’t change it. What I can change is shape of my body, and I’ll try to do it.

Here are photos of me before and during pregnancy and 16 months postpartum.