Postpartum

Depressed About My Stretch Marks (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 8 Comments

I am 26 years old my daughter is 10 months old. I have never been confident about the way I look. As an overweight preteen I would spend hours looking at Seventeen and YM magazines. I think this is where my poor body image started because I did not look like the girls in those magazines. I became obsessed with losing weight and by the age of 16 I lost over 50 pounds and was very thin, but never thin enough in my eyes. Even after losing all the weight I was not happy because I had faint stretch marks on my lower stomach, breast and just above my bottom. I would sometimes spend hours in bed crying over these left over reminders of being overweight.

When I found out I was pregnant I knew that I was prone to stretch marks even though my Mother has no stretch marks. I applied bio oil twice daily to my belly as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I would go through a new bottle every month and all it ever did was ruin my clothes. I did gain a lot of weight and it was all in my stomach. I first started seeing stretch marks at around the 7th month. My stretch marks did not bother me so much at the time because I was so excited about the baby growing inside me. During my pregnancy was the last time I can say I felt beautiful or good about myself.

When I was getting close to my due date I told the nurse who would weight me at my weekly check-ups that I did not want to know how much I weighed because I was getting so close to 200 pounds. I did not think I could handle hearing that I was 200 pounds because I am only 5’3.

I had a very hard labour but it was all so worth it when I got to hold my sweet beautiful girl in my arms. I had my mind set on breast feeding and I am still breast feeding now. I started losing weight fast and my stretch marks looked so bad after my daughter was born . My lower stomach was saggy and all my stretch marks where on the middle of my stomach around my belly button and I had none on my lower stomach where I would have preferred them because they are easier to cover up . At my seven week check-up my doctor looked at my stomach and said “oh lots of stretch mark”. I thought to myself sarcastically “thank you for pointing that out because I was not aware of it before and it’s not something I think about all the time”

I was never a person who wore revealing clothing or bared my midriff but now I have to wear a tank top or camisole under all of my shirts so the shape of my stretch marks do not show through and I can still see them. There have been times when I have been all ready to go out and took one look at myself and stayed decided to stay home, this drives my boyfriend crazy and he thinks I am being immature. I see pictures on Facebook of new moms out in bikinis a few months after giving birth and it upsets me so much. I wonder why my body has to be covered in scars when other women look the same.

My boyfriend tells me all the time that he does not notice the stretch marks or care about them and that he thinks I am beautiful. He really wants me to stop talking about it . I wish I could believe him but I just can’t seem to get pass it.

I hope we all can get pass our body issues it gets in the way of enjoying life.

Young Mother of One (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

I got pregnant at 19, after being with my Husband for 2 months (this was before we got married). I was very depressed my first tri because I wasn’t ready to have a child, especially with someone I hardly knew. I came around in my second tri, after feeling a fetus move inside of you it’s just so magical you can’t help but fall in love. When I was 5 months pregnant my husband and I got married, a month before he left for basic training in the Army. I’m 5’1″ and I have an extremely short torso, so I always looked a month or two more pregnant than I was, everyone would joke that I was carrying twins. My daughter’s due date came and went, and a week after she was due I was induced (pitocin will forever be my enemy). My OB suggested an epidural at only 2cm (after they broke my water), which I knew you weren’t supposed to do until 4cm, but I thought she would know best and 20 hours later, after screaming and puking and crying, still stuck at 6cm, I had to get an emergency cesarean. The cesarean was the last thing I wanted, but after 27 hours of labor, it was a relief. My husband couldn’t be there, so I had my mom, step-mom, and cousin there for support.

Once I heard her cry, I began balling and she looked just like her daddy. She was 8lb, 7oz, 21 inches long. I had to spend 4 days in the hospital, I will never forget the awful recovery of a C-section. I struggled with breastfeeding and the pain of the incision, as well as realizing I had to take care of a little person 24/7! I never realized what my mother did for me until I had a child of my own….being a mom is the hardest job on the planet!!! My husband didn’t come home until she was 3 months old, and honestly I thought it would be more magical than it was. He held her, and she cried. He assumed it was because of him but she was just hungry….He wasn’t as excited to see her as I had imagined…He told me when he came home he would be the only one taking care of her for weeks, but that never happened. Being a single, married mother….that’s something that really kills me.

We now live on base, and I still do everything. I found out he was cheating on me not 2 months after moving here, thousands of miles away from my family and friends…but I’m still with him, and I’m trying to make it work. We are in marital counseling and he knows if he messes up again I’m leaving him for good. He is very supportive though, he loves my body and tells me I’m beautiful and that it was for a good purpose. I’ve been struggling with my body image a lot, I feel like a flabby old woman. I thought my body was awful before pregnancy, and now I would give anything to have it back. It’s hard to accept myself, I know it was for a good purpose, to bring my healthy baby girl into this world…but I struggle with it everyday. After what my husband did, with those younger girls who haven’t had children….it makes me so insecure. The women I know that have had children look great and it’s really discouraging. I really want to accept my body, but I believe it will take a long time. I can’t wear any of my clothes without looking awful, I can’t wear jeans or my tummy makes a little shelf, my tummy is deflated and saggy, and my boobs look the same. Hopefully I will find the light and come back posting that I have learned to love my body, and I really hope I do.

Age – 20
4.5 months postpartum

2 Months PP belly. Hate it, but will learn to love it. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 17 Comments

I was 16 when I got pregnant had my sweet little 8 pounds and 7 ounce baby boy after 40 long weeks of pregnancy at age 17! Im 5 foot 7 inches and 147 before i got pregnant at the end of my pregnancy i was a whooping 193!! I now weigh 172. And i know it’s only been two months but it’s hard for me to love my body at such a young age. However I wouldn’t take my son back for anything! I just need a confidence boost that hopefully maybe my belly will look better? My belly button is STILL sticking out…will that go back in? The first two pictures is me in my bikini right before i got pregnant. And the next 3 are 2 months after pregnancy, but the last one is me and my wonderful gift from God!

My belly, the first home of my biggest blessings… far from flawless, but I love it anyway. (Julie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Gestational Diabetes, Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Polyhydramnios, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 5 Comments

-24 years old
-6 pregnancies, 5 children. (1 loss at 9 weeks gestation.)
-J, 7 years old. P, 6 years old. K, 5 years old. G, 3.5 years old. L, 2 years old.

– Hello ladies! Thank you for allowing me the oppeortunity to share my own story. :)

My husband and I found out we were expecting 6 months before we planned to marry. Our relationship is a little unique. He is 5 years older than I, we have been together since I was 14 and lived in our own home since I was 15 & he was 20. I was 16 when we found out I was pregnant, April 20th 2004. We had been planning to wed, with the blessings of my parents, October 16th 2004. 2 months after my 17th birthday. When we found out we were expecting.. I was 5’1, very lean and toned, and weighed 112 pounds. We did indeed wed on October 17th, with our daughter present in utero. :) My pregnancy with her was for the most part uneventful once I got past the first trimester. The first 13 weeks I suffered from Hypermesis Gravidarum and before I was finally prescribed Zofran for it, I vomited all day, every day, and felt awful. I frequently landed myself in the ER because of dehydration. I got down to 108lbs, and that is when they decided to prescribe the Zofran. Later in pregnancy, I developed what they call “polyhydramnious.” This meant I had a lot of extra fluid, for unexplained reasons. Because of this, my stomach grew rapidly and I experienced very sudden weight gain the last few weeks. My last weight before giving birth was 162lbs. Going off 108, I gained 54 pounds. J was born at 38 weeks on December 21st, beautiful and healthy, weighing 7lbs 1oz.

My husband and I knew from the get-go, even being young parents and newly weds, that we wanted a large family. We are both from large families and we wanted the same. So we decided to let go with “not trying, not preventing” as far as our sexual relationship went. Coincedently, I found out I was pregnant for the 2nd time, AGAIN on April 20th, 2005. The EDD was the same as J’s, as well! We were shocked given the circumstances & the fact their dates were exact, but we were ELATED! J was 1 day shy of 4mos old, and I still had a lot of work that needed to be done to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Obviously, that was going to have to be put on hold. The next month consisted of a lot of blood work, a lot of doctor visits, and a lot of ultrasounds. Unfortunately on May 26th, 2005.. after a month of no growth or change in the embryo, including no heartbeat… we realized the pregnancy was not viable. My midwife scheduled a D&C with the OBGYN at the clinic I went to. On May 27th, 2005, we said goodbye to our Angel that wasn’t mean for this world. We were obviously heartbroken, disappointed, sad, etc. But we had J to keep us busy and we focused on what we had been blessed with, each other and our beautiful daughter.

And then just a few weeks later, mid July, we found out for the third time we were expecting AGAIN! Obviously we were very nervous because of the miscarriage, but thankfully the pregnancy progressed and everything went well. Our 2nd child, a beautiful baby boy, was born also at 38 weeks on April 10th 2006 after an uneventful pregnancy. He weighed 8lbs 1oz and like his sister, was healthy as can be. J was 15 months old when she became a big sister.

Now if I continue to give the run down on all my pregnancies, my story will get ridiculously long… LOL! So I’ll just share the bare minimum from here on out.

#3, our 2nd son, was born on June 24th of 2007. I had polyhydramnios with him as well and gained a massive amount of weight. Because of the severe PH, my water broke at 36 weeks. Even so, K weighed 7lbs 2ozs and other than some jaundice from his premature liver, he was healthy as can be. At the time of his birth, J was 2.5 years old and P was 14mos old.

#4, our 3rd son, was born at 38 weeks gestation on December 18th 2008. G was another uneventful pregnancy, born healthy weighing 8lbs 10ozs. At the time of G’s birth, J was just shy of her 4th birthday, P was 2.5 years old, and K was a week shy of 18 months old.

#5, our 2nd girl, was born at 38 weeks gestation on April 19th 2010. With L, I had what my midwife called “borderline gestational diabetes.” I failed my 1hr Glucose test with her, just as I did with G, but with him I went on the pass the 3hr. With L, I failed by just a few points. I was RIGHT under the “normal” range. Because of this, I had to monitor my blood sugar during my pregnancy and eat a semi-diabetic diet. At 2 weeks early, L was born weighed 8lbs 15ozs.. 1 oz shy of 9lbs.. and that is AFTER she took a nice pee on me just seconds after she was born. I think it’s safe to say she would have weighed at least 9lbs even if she had been weighed before peeing. They tested her blood sugar shortly after her birth since she was such a good sized baby even 2 weeks early, which is a sign of macrosomia… large baby caused by gestational diabetes. Her blood sugar was absolutely fine… she was just a healthy girl. At the time of her birth J was 5yrs old, P was 4, K was 2 mos shy of his 3rd birthday, and G was 16mos old.

A grand total of 5 pregnancies, 1 loss, and 5 healthy blessings in 5 years and 4 months time. The grand total of the baby weight my uterus held comes to 39lbs, 15ozs! That’s just the weight of the babies.. not to mention the fluid, blood, placenta, etc. Obviously with only 4-8 months between each pregnancy… I didn’t have a lot of time to lose the baby weight, and instead it just kept piling on. I breastfed, but unfortunately I was not one of the lucky mamas who shed the pounds with the help of nursing.

I grew more and more uncomfortable in my own skin as the years went on… and for some reason, I lacked the will power and confidence to get back in shape. Around the time of my daughters 2nd birthday.. I finally became fed up. She hadn’t nursed for quite some time, and I knew it was time to take control of my life and get back to a point whre I could be comfortable with myself. So I got serious, and I decided to make a lifestyle change. At that time, my starting weight was 195lbs. At 5’2. I was morbidly obese. The girl who was always “naturally slender,” was morbidly obese. I know you ladies can imagine how I felt. I visited my family physician, we set up a weight loss plan complete with my goals, and he prescribed me a weight loss aid to help me along. My goal is not to become skinny. My goal is to become HEALTHY and be COMFORTABLE with my body. The body that has done AMAZING things for me and kept the 5 most important people in my life HEALTHY until it was time for them to be born. 12 weeks later I have managed to lose 45 pounds, 13 combined inches (waist, hips, thighs) and 2, ALMOST 3 pant sizes. I am 15lbs from my goal weight, and granted my weight loss has slowed down significantly from what it was in the beginning.. I am still working hard to get there so I can be healthy and feel good about myself… and I can honestly say I grow more and more comfortable with my body each week! The stretch marks do not bother me. The loose skin does not bother me. As I said, my body did the most amazing thing for me… FIVE times. The weight gain, the struggle to lose it… it has all been MORE than worth it. I will never have that tight, perfectly toned, flawless body I had before kids and that is perfectly fine with me. That’s not my goal. I am so proud of myself and my confidence, the way I feel about myself, is better than it has ever been. I am proud of my body regardless of the fact I still have 15lbs to go to my goal (which by the way is on the heigher end of “normal” given me height. But like I said, I’m not trying to get skinny.) and a LOT of toning to do. Fitness and exercise have become an every day part of my life, and it will be even after I hit my goal. It’s something my family and I can do together, and it makes us feel good. The weight loss has been a blessing.. but the biggest blessing of all is my children and I will forever be greatful for the body that carried them and kept them safe during their gestational period…. MY body. <3 Oh, and for the inquiring minds.... no, neither my husband or I got any permanent sterilization. We are using precautions and plan to for a while longer.. but we do intend to welcome at least one more child into our family sometime in the future, assuming it is meant to be and we are blessed again. Just taking a break for now. :) Thanks again for allowing me the opportunity to share my story. :) If you made it through the novel, kudos to you and thanks for reading! (My progress pictures are ready to be updated with the 12th week photos. This is start, 3 weeks, 6 weeks, and 9 weeks. I have lost 5 more pounds since the 9th week photo.) [gallery]

Can’t accept the huge change to my body. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 18 Comments

I’m 21 years old and my beautiful son is 8 months old. He’s my first. Before I got pregnant I weighed 118-120 lbs. and now I weigh 140 lbs. When I was pregnant the last time i weighed myself was about a week before I gave birth and I was 154 lbs. and about a week after my son was born I got down to 132. I thought wow this is great i’ll be back to my pre-pregnancy weight in no time! But I had to stop breast feeding at about 3 months because I wasn’t producing enough for my little toad! Now i’m back up to 140 or more I guess i’ve been too afraid to weigh myself the past month or so. I went from a small C to a DD while I was breast feeding and now i’m back down to a small C and my breasts are covered in stretch marks and so saggy I feel like an old woman at 21. My stomach doesn’t have bad stretch marks just some under my belly button but i’m still very self conscious about them and I think I look like i’m still pregnant. I hate wearing anything but hanes t-shirts because I feel like someone’s going to ask me when i’m due. I have family that makes fun of my stomach which I know they don’t mean it to be mean but it kills me inside everytime anyone says anything. My husband loves me more than anything and doesn’t care what I look like and I know that but he hasn’t told me i’m beautiful since I was first pregnant which makes me feel so much worse. Today was the first day i’ve let him see me completely naked since I was breast feeding. He told me “You don’t look that bad.” I know he didn’t mean it the way it sounds but my heart dropped to the ground when he said that. I’ve tried excercising but I have something wrong with my hips and if I do anything physical I can barely walk the next day because i’m in so much pain. This started when I was in my second trimester and I would literally have to crawl to the bathroom in the middle of the night to pee because I was in so much pain. The doctor told me it was just my hips moving to prepare for child birth but its been 8 months since my son was born and the pain is still there so I don’t know what to do. It seems like everytime I go to the doctor for anything they look at me and see that yes i’m skinny besides my stomach and i’m young so whatever pain i’m feeling is nothing serious. Well I think if I can barely walk because of dibilitating hip pain something is wrong regardless of my age and physique!! But anyway that’s not why i’m posting on here. I just want to know that i’m not alone and that someone else is going through what I am because I see girls the same age as me or even older looking like they’ve never had kids walking around in bikinis with no stretch marks and beautiful bodies and I feel like a fat freak. And yes I know people are a lot worse off than me but i’m not used to this feeling I have always loved my body and felt very lucky because I come from a family that has a lot of over weight people and i’ve always been so thankful to be able to look like I do but now that I look like this I just feel horrible and feel like everyone is comparing me to how I used to look and thinking i’m fat. I also feel like my husband isn’t attracted to me anymore even though he says he is. Well i’ll stop babbling now and I look forward to your comments! <3 1st picture- my husband and I at our first prom together 2nd picture- 4 weeks pregnant 3rd picture- 31 weeks pregnant 4th-7th picture- me today 8 months postpartum [gallery]

My insecurity about my body turns me into The Hulk (Katrina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, Children with Health Complications, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 6 Comments

Age: 25
Pregnancies: 2
Births: 2; 1 Ceasarean/ 1 VBAC
2 daughters; almost 3 years old and 9 months
9 months PP

Hi Everyone! I’m new to SOAM. I only discovered the site 2 days ago, and I was already hooked. Reading all of your stories has been an inspiration and a newfound comfort for me to post my own story, here it is…

I’ll start by going back to when my husband and I first met. I was 18 years old, and struggling with money as a college student. At the time I was actually in a same sex relationship, and the only reason I mention that is because if it wasn’t for her having a friend that had a friend that worked at a certain job, I would’ve never met my husband. Its very ironic, I know. Basically, I was looking for easy fast money, and yes, it is what you are all thinking… the friend of a friend was a dancer at a strip club, the club my husband was a manager at. So, I took up the friend’s offer of trying her line of work and became an exotic dancer. When I first started the job I never really noticed my husband. I worked at the club for maybe 6-9 months, and left because I felt like I was better than that. I still continued to be in the same sex relationship for another 2 years, and remained very close to the dancer friend that got me the job. It wasn’t until I was 20 that I went back to the club to get my job back because again I was in need of fast money. It was during that time that my husband and I caught each others attention, and started hanging out. We dated for about a month before my 21st birthday, and during that time he told me he would dream about me, so I was literally the girl of his dreams, and I had surgery on my breasts and he came to take care of me, only weeks after we went on our first date. I think that’s when we knew we were meant for each other. Before I got my boobs done I was a DD, but they were very saggy. I got a lift and implants because I wanted to be my normal size.

Three weeks after my surgery we celebrated my 21st birthday in Vegas, he paid for the room, bought me a dress, and paid for everything, inlcuding the cost of my two friends and his two cousins. After Vegas I felt changed. I was still working at the club, and I started getting that feeling of being better than that again. I would go to work and just sit there, not wanting to talk to any customers, because I didn’t want to make him mad. After a few weeks, I quit.

Ok, so lets fast forward a little bit. We had been together for almost a year, but we were having a lot of problems. He had trust issues because of my previous relationship with the same sex, and my history of having flings with random guys. We were on the verge of breaking up. He confessed to me that he had sex with one of the dancers at the club, a dancer I probably knew, but never found out exactly who it was. It was weeks after that when I found out I was pregnant. Surprisingly he was very excited, and even shouted it out to the whole club. He came over to my parents house to tell them the news, and my mom wasn’t happy at all. She was eating dinner at the table and when we told her she pushed her plate away and said she lost her appetite. After an hour or so of talking, we decided to get married instead of just moving in together right away. So, we got married the day before my 22nd birthday.

I was 14 weeks pregnant when I started feeling really sick, so I made an appointment to see my dr. They couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat, so they sent me to radiology to have an ultrasound. The dr then told me that the baby’s bowels were formed outside of the body, the defect is called gastroschsis. I didn’t really understand at first, and when I called my husband I was just hysterical. I started seeing a specislaist for high risk pregnancies. We ended up having an amniosentisis, so we got to find out the sex of the baby. I was happy to know it was a girl! At 36 weeks, I was scheduled for a c-section because the specialist said her intestines were very dialted, and if she were to stay in longer she would get an infection. On September 23, 2009 at 8:06am, I gave birth to a 5lbs 9oz baby girl, who we named Kamryn Presley. Since I wasn’t able to go to the NICU to see her the first day, my husband would come and update me on her condition. When she was delivered she swallowed her meconium, so she had a bunch of her poop her in her lungs. I was horrified, because with her defect, plus that, her life was in danger. She was on 100% oxygen, and the docters didn’t think she would make it. She spent 6 months in the hospital, having gone through 4 different surgeries to fix her bowel movements. She came home the weekend of my 23rd birthday, it was the best birthday gift I ever recieved. She’s now 2 1/2, she’ll be 3 in September. She’s been fed by a feeding tube since she’s come home 2 years ago, but she’s slowly starting to eat different things by mouth. We’re hoping she’ll have the feeding tube removed within a year or so. She goes through 4 different therapies throughout the week, but she’s developing very well.

In Novmeber 2010, we found out that we were pregnant again. Also once again, my mom had a negative additude about it. She told me we should have waited until Kamryn was completely better. I just ignored her. We decided to have a lot of screening tests done to make sure this baby was going to be born healthy without any birth defects or medical problems. When I was about 8 months I started having false labor pains, so bad that I went to labor and delivery. The dr. said I was contracting but I wasn’t dialted at all. I spent another whole month very large and pregnant. Finally, in the very early morning on August 24th, I decided it was finally time. I was in labor for about 8 hours, but the pushing took only about 2 hours. I delivered my beautiful, hefty, but healthy baby girl through a successful VBAC at 11:27am. We named her Peyten Abigail, and she weighed in at 8lbs 10oz.

Before my first pregancy I was 5’4 and 125lbs. I gained about 60lbs with Kamryn, so I was about 185 when I had Kamryn. I got down to 154, then I found out I was pregnant again. I gained about 40lbs with Peyten. I was 192lbs when she was born. Now, at 9 months PP, I’m 159. Also, I went from being a DD before and after having surgery on my breasts to being a 34 G today. I would still like to lose another 20lbs. It really does bother me that I can’t lose the weight. I even bought the Zumba DVDS. We ended up going to Vegas for my 25th birthday which was this past March. I did Zumba religously for a whole month before Vegas. I was doing it for about an hour a day, 4 to 5 times a week, and I never saw any results or lost any weight. It made me upset and sad because before I got the DVDS I would watch the infomercials and there was women in their 40s and 50s losing 15 lbs after 10 days. It really ruins my mood because I look in the mirror and I just see a slob. My emotions take over me to the point where I find myself yelling at the girls, mostly Kamryn for every little thing. I know she’s at the age where she wants to get into everything, but she doesn’t deserve to be scolded for little things like touching my phone or playing in my bathroom everyday. I feel like a horrible mother when I yell at her every 5 minutes. My husband works at night most days, and I find myself texting him and letting my anger out on him too. I blame it on my self image. I believe that if I was back in shape, and felt better about myself, I would be a nicer person. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking I’m a scary person because I yell all the time. I’m horrified to think that when they’re teenagers they’ll tell me that they hate me…

But, enough of the sadness and depression. I’m glad to have found this site because it makes me feel so much better about myself. I would still like to lose the weight, and i’m sure i’ll have blow ups about the way I look time and again, but at least I know i’m not the only one out there that feels that way. I’m also happy that I have two beautiful girls. I guess I can say it was worth the toll on my body, because I wouldn’t change the fact that they’re in my life.

I hope you enjoyed reading my story. God bless all of the mothers out there!

Building self-esteem after husband’s affairs (Joelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Toxemia, Vulva/Vaginal Damage 20 Comments

Age: 23
Number of Pregnancies and Births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth, 1 baby in heaven
Age of child and how far post-partum: Isabella 6 months and four days old. I am 6 months and four days post- partum

I found this site from a woman who posted this site on the Birth Without Fear facebook page. I thought how wonderful it was to see other women of all ages post up their pictures of post-partum bodies and share their story on how they felt, whether feeling upset or comfortable in their own skin. Pregnancy has done a lot to our bodies, including mine. I miscarried with my first pregnancy at the age of 18 at 8 weeks along. It took me a while to accept the miscarriage and move forward. After my second pregnancy, if you saw me walking in a tank top and jeans, you’d never guessed I gave birth. I’ve been blessed to lose all the weight; I gained 36 pounds and lost the majority of it when my daughter was born. She weighed 9.7 pounds and 21 inches long. I am only 5’1 and was 95 pounds pre-pregnancy. With her being so big, my belly was stretched to its limit and my body bloated really badly: in my face, my thighs, butt, and legs. By week nine in pregnancy, I could no longer wear my jeans. I automatically knew I was having a girl by week nine since all my friends who had boys could wear their jeans throughout their entire pregnancy and it was my instincts saying “girl.” Not going to lie, that devastated me to not fit in my jeans, so I stuck to dresses and skirts since I had room to stretch those out (did not want to see me go up in pants and it was cheaper). At my 21 week scan, the technician asked me if the midwife got my due date right since my baby was measuring almost 2 weeks ahead of her age and I said yeah, that I even tracked my fertility and ovulation for TTC. Turned out she was just a good size baby because she came four days after her due date, no interventions.

My body went through hell and back with my pregnancy and child birth. I had fallen on my tailbone. I went to the ER over that to make sure my daughter was fine, could care less about my body. My daughter was just fine. The fall caused me to have major back pain for the rest of the pregnancy and especially when she would kick my back or body slammed against it. I had a huge cyst right below my urethra, so sex was impossible as it hurt too much. The doctors refused to remove the cyst for me and it did not even burst while birthing her. I had sciatic nerve problems and bruised like feeling on my skin and muscles all up my ribs from her pushing out my ribs to make room in the last trimester. I started getting stretch marks in early 2nd trimester and by my due date, my butt and thighs looked as if a cat used me as a clawing post. I got a 2nd degree tear during child birth from being told to push with all my might since my daughter’s left shoulder got stuck. Two nurses were doing pelvic pressure on me along with my husband, very crazy experience so I tore horribly from all the hard pushing to get her out. The midwife who delivered my baby at the Naval Hospital (military hospital) stitched me back up but I have some insides kind of on the outside and my vagina just looks bad… Though I loved being able to have her naturally, I’m upset with how my vagina turned out. I asked my husband’s honest opinion on it, he said I’m little bit looser (I’m okay with that) and that it’s even prettier to him. Kind of hard to believe but I try to trust him on that. However, he cheated on me a month after I birthed my daughter and once while I was pregnant, so it’s very hard to trust him on his compliments to me. The only reason I stayed is because he went to rehab over his alcoholism (he cheated while wasted, still not a good excuse) and I want our family to be together. My self- esteem is shot to hell because he cheated on me with an overweight woman with large breasts. I’m opposite; I’m petite with A cup size breasts… I know I’m not ugly, I get other Marines (my husband is a Marine) staring and calling out to me even while I’m carrying my daughter. I just can’t help but feel my body is not good enough for my husband, that I’m not enough.

We’re in marriage counseling, we’ve been working on the marriage. I just can’t help but feel my pregnant body and PP body is not satisfying to him. I’m so terrified to get pregnant again after his affairs. Being able to share this to strangers kind of makes me feel better. Maybe some other women have been in a similar position or not… Just feels good to get it off my chest that I don’t feel good enough for the man I married.

Finally happy with myself; it wasn’t easy, though! (Susan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

age 26

I have always had issues with my weight, so I didn’t think pregnancy would have a huge effect on my body.

I gave birth to my son via emergency cesarean in September 2005. I quickly realized my stomach was sagging, even at my highest weight my stomach never hung, and my stretch marks were VERY dark.

My breast had always been symetrical, but after my second child, a daughter, was born in September 2010, my left breast started producing milk at a much higher rate. Causing my daughter to nurse mainly on the left side.

By this time I was totally used to my stomach, but the huge difference in breast size took me a long time to get used too.

I recently started blogging about obesity and parenting, and I think your site is wonderful! I have been treated so horribly over the years because of my weight, but the worst came when I tried to join play date groups. Its amazing to see I am not alone!

Finding support in others who understand that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes has helped me so much. My boyfriend has shown me that it doesn’t matter what others say, I am a good mother. I carried two babies 9 months, fed them each for 2 years with my breasts (almost there with my daughter, although we’re practicing self weaning with her), and no matter what I am beautiful.

So now with a 6 1/2 year old and a 20 month old, and a new found self confidence, I’m proud to share my body including my D and B breasts.

Photo 1: 20 months PP with #2 weight 250
Photo 2: 20 months PP with #2 Weight 250
Photo 3: Breasts Left D cup Right B cup
Photo 4: Cesarean scar(had infection after 2nd, but nothing serious)
Photo 5: 20 weeks with #1 weight 182
Photo 6: 37 weeks with # 2 weight 261
Photo 7: My beautiful babies, they make it all worth it

Unhappy and Envious (Danielle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 24 Comments

23 yrs old. 1 pregnancy/birth. Daughter is now 18 months old

As the second summer after the birth of my daughter approaches, I once again find my self looking at bikini’s and wishing I was able to wear one. Before pregnancy I was 120 lbs and felt wonderful about myself when wearing a bikini. The first summer after my daughter was born (6 months after) I went to try on swimsuits and found myself sobbing in the department store dressing room. Although I have found a little more confidence since then, it’s not enough to even attempt the terrifying task of trying another on. I feel young, I WISH I could wear a bikini, and to be honest I feel to young for the “Mom” one piece, yet my body tells me a different story. I battle daily with the thought “Get your fat ass of the couch and just do it!” or “Who cares what anyone thinks?! Be THAT girl! Just wear it proudly, and love every minute!” Although I wish I were the latter, I just can’t do it. Not to mention the excessive stretch marks I have acquired :/ I know I am not as big as I was at 9 months pregnant (183lbs) and even though my husband says I look good in a bikini, I just can’t help but feel disgusting..

I just want to say thank God for the creator of this site and the women who post! You all have made me realize it’s ok to not be “magazine perfect.” I don’t have to look like Kourtney Kardashian to be beautiful, and even though I will probably always struggle with my self image, I’m not alone.

Something Occurs to Me (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 4 Comments

4 pregnancies 1 miscarriage and 3 births.
Ages of children: 4 years, 15 months, 2 weeks old.

Having posted on here about 4 years ago after the birth of my daughter (Michaela Marks) I thought I’d revisit the site to hopefully encourage others.

I now have 3 children in total (see above), and, at the age of 37, I AM DONE!! Lol.

Like many of you, I struggled from my teen years to love my body. I did the whole thing: Anorexia, self loathing, social paranoia, trying to cover up stretch marks with clothes, makeup or self tanning cream. Tried loads of “stretchmark remedies” none of which ever worked: the only thing they work to do is give you a great way to waste your money while providing false hope – not a great investment I’ve decided. Lol. ;p

I was never “overweight” – maybe 10 or 15 lbs ever at the most – but I had stretchmarks from a very early age – purely caused by growth spurts going through puberty. Some on the back of my legs, hips, my whole backside is covered in the rascally little things. Then, when I got pregnant, my once beautiful, spotless, toned tummy got a bunch of stretchmarks too. What are you going to do though eh? Like I said … I’ve never been overweight – even through my pregnancies, so really … there was nothing I could have done to prevent any of it. (If you want to see pics, visit my link above).

I rubbed all the useless creams on: Bio-Oil, Palmers Cocoa Cream, some other stuff I can’t remember the name of – at $100 a bottle, it would be nice to remember the name: Denevoux or something like that – all products were a waste of time.

Now, here I stand, 2 weeks after the birth of my third child and I’m about 5’8 and 15 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight of 133. I’ll get back there – I’m not worried about it. I would post new pictures of what I look like now, but I’m too lazy to get the camera and upload them. Sufficed to say, that my tummy is a little more devastated then it was after the first baby … but at least I still have a stomach! It helps when I want to consume mass quantities of See’s Chocolate Bordeauxs. Lol. Mmmmm. Slurp!

The reason I write now though is because, in my ripe old age of 37 (lol), something occurs to me: What my body looks like really doesn’t matter.

I mean, really – who cares?

Who cares besides me?

And why do I want to waste my time self obessessing when I can use my energies and point them outwards onto other people like my children, my husband, my extended family, my friends, others who may be in need and can use my help?

With all the suffering, pain and hardships in the world – do I really want to spend even one minute of my time sweating what I look like physically? Especially when I am healthy and able bodied, and have been blessed with wonderful kids, family and friends? How self defeating and what a waste of time that would be – what a waste of time it IS for so many of us women who live in the Western world and allow ourselves to be distracted, on a daily basis, by things that ultimately really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

For example, thinking about it, the most beautiful, life filled, giving, caring person I know is an Aunt of mine whose body also happens to suffer the ravages of child birth. But when I think about her, I don’t think about her body – I think about how her existence is such a positive influence on those around her. How, to many people, she is the most amazing person they know – just due to her giving heart and her willingness to offer love and help to all around her. She is other people centered – not self centered.

This is what I want to be like too.

I am not perfect. Even if I were “perfect” I wouldn’t be perfect – not in this world. Salvador Dali said: “Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it”.

We just all need to stop self obssessing and get on with life. Just get on with it. Instead of spending time in front of the mirror lamenting what “once was” – we should spend that time working for charity, or taking our children to the park, or teaching our daughters how to make a difference in the world through their loving actions towards others and not because of what they may, or may not, look like physically.

We all have fantastic potential and influence as mothers. Frankly, for me, if someone doesn’t like my stretchmarks, or belly button (which now looks more like the mouth of a wide mouthed bass than a belly button lol), those people can go “Pound Sand”. Seriously … I don’t have time for nonsense like that. I’ve got children to raise, I’ve got people to love on, I’ve got work to do, I don’t have time to worry about nonsense.

What are we going to be remembered for anyways? When it’s all said and done? We’re going to be remembered for how we affected people; we are going to be remembered for the type of people that we are/were. I’ve never seen a eulogy which stated things like: “And after having 3 kids … she had a PERFECT body”. Nope … that doesn’t happen (because having a perfect body is something that just really doesn’t matter) …

Love yourselves and your children – don’t sweat the small stuff. Get to work! :) Peace and love to you all.