Postpartum

I Feel So Alone (Harley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Tattoo 6 Comments

AGE: 25
3 pregnancies + 2 births

I have a 21 month old + a 2 month old both born by cesarean.

Ever since I can remember, my only want.. goal, passion.. What have you, was to be a mother. So naturally when I got pregnant with my daughter, I was over the moon. My pregnancy wasn’t so easy, and neither was my cesarean. Given all my issues, I healed up nicely and somewhat quickly. Not too long after did I find out that I was in fact pregnant again. This both pregnancy and cesarean was much easier. I had my beautiful baby boy, 2 months ago .. Almost to the day. I healed way better and way faster this time, which was a huge relief.

Now. I’m left with the aftermath of having two kids 19 months apart from one another. My body is what I like to call it, ” tore up from the floor up”. My belly still hasn’t gone down completely to where I still look pregnant and have had people ask me when I am due. Not only hasn’t my stomach gone down but I have terrible loose skin with stretch marks covering my belly. If I lean over, the loose skin will just bunch together and just hang. When I wear a pair of pants , you can see the bulging of the skin/fat below my underwear line. A pouch, if you will. My boobs, have definitely reduced in size and have become saggy, for sure. As it pains me to admit this and share with the world.. I even wear multiple bras, including stuffing them as well. It’s just horrible, makes me sick to my stomach. Everybody keeps reminding me that I just had a baby or that I’ve had two kids.. But it doesn’t make me feel any different. I see so many women who have bounced back so quickly to not even half of what I have goin on. I express my disgust and self consciousness with my LONG (10years) time boyfriend and he just repeats the same statements. I’ve caught him glaring at my belly a bunch of times but he would never tell me that I’m gross or right to feel the way I do. We have had sex and I hate having to take my clothes off. I won’t take anything from the waste up, off. Even when we are having sex all I’m thinking is how to hide my problem areas and that he couldn’t possibly be turned on by me. I find myself feeling bad for him that he doesn’t have the girlfriend with the nice body anymore. In my head, he only has sex with me because I’m there and it’s only a matter of time until he goes somewhere else for a better looking chick. Nobody is understanding how I’m feeling and I don’t know what to do. I even changed out of a summer dress that was fitting when it was 90 degrees outside because I noticed my stomach bulging and had caught him looking right at my stomach. I feel so far from attractive and so alone. I go online and I research plastic surgery all the time and fantasize about fixing all my problem areas, so I can feel pretty again. I do feel bad complaining about how I look ,like I’m some vain school girl.. I know a lot of other people have much bigger problems but I absolutely hate feeling this way. The only part that makes me feel somewhat better is that I know I have two gorgeous children to show for it. I just wish there was a pill or some magic rain dance I could do to fix this.

Thank You so much for reading!

Body Image Issues are Real (Monifaith)

Bonnie (SOAM) Instagram, Postpartum 0 Comment

Today’s entry pulled from Instrgram.

091214-monifaith-1

Monifaith – every time I finish a #pregnancy, I have to work on my mind. Just because I’ve had four children doesn’t make me a bulletproof saint to all manners of mass-media messaging and imagery. When I take pics, it helps put things in perspective for me that have gotten pretty out of control in my brain. I’ve been resisting pressing impulsive thoughts to work out maniacally even though my pelvis is steal slowly healing just because I feel like my weight is getting out of control (insane I know, but brains are like that). I’m fighting impulsive negative thoughts regarding my eating (you’re not eating well enough, you’re gaining weight) and I’m fighting thoughts that having short hair make me look like a man and people will worry if I’m gay (really?!?!) and if I don’t keep my shape up I will have a tiny head and a massive body. What the heck? The point is, #bodyimage issues are real, and bc I KNOW myself I know when to hold off on things until I know I’m doing it with a healthy mindset. Until I know I’m not doing it to mimic the barrage of pics showing slim, lean, and nicely toned women I see all over, and until I know I won’t be causing further damage to my healing parts by causing them more stress while they’re under construction. I need to remember the basics…clean eats, stay active, stay calm. For those who have never suffered from body image or eating disorder issues, it can be easy to impress upon everyone else that getting into a more desirable “shape” by changing the configuration of your body is the ultimate guide to happiness, for some of us this is a coverup and egotistical cover for our suffering insecurities and esteem. Building yourself up physically when your mind is right and ready is much healthier than obsessing over your plate or your shape. Be healthy and be happy. Keep your mind focused and centered and discipline it as needed to make sure your body work is done from a good place, not as a cover-up. Also, please DO eat well, please DO be active…I’m not knocking the obvious and well-researched benefits to exercise and it is essential for longevity. But be in good overall health. This pic reminds me I’m doing ok. #bodylove

My body was ruined and I’m left with nothing. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Submissions 11 Comments

I have a child and yet I have never heard her cry. Pregnancy dosnt mean new life to me, I lost all happieness and innocence that I ever had. I’m 23 years old, weigh 143 pounds and have an angel instead of a child… I was happy with my prebaby body, 120 pounds, 5’2″, adequate chest, perky butt and a flat tummy. I was thrilled to be pregnant but the entire pregnancy I fought with the scale. I knew being pregnant I would gain weight but that still didn’t make it easier to watch the numbers climb every week. I remember the first time none of my clothes fit. We had dinner plans with friends and I literally destroyed my closet looking for something presentable to wear. I ended up crying on the floor and canceling my plans. It sucked. The rest of the pregnancy I wore my husbands shirts and sweatpants. And then the first stretch mark showed up and I slathered on every kind of coco butter and lotions I could find. Then the next day another popped up. And another. And another….no matter what I did I could not control the dark purple vertical infection that was taking over my breasts, tummy and sides. I made peace with myself at about 8 months that it all was going to happen wether I liked it or not. That when I had the baby I would breast feed, go on walks with the baby sleeping in the stroller, that I would exercise and I would loose the weight in no time. Then I went into labor. We had our bags packed and car seat in the car ready to go a month before hand. All that was left to do was spot clean her room to be sure it was absolutely perfect. One could say it was fit for an angel. Then the supposed to be best day of my life turned into the worst. At 41 weeks my baby lost her life, the doctors could not find her heartbeat. So in the end not only did my body become something I hate to look at, but something I hate to be in. It betrayed me. Women are meant to make babies, but my baby was killed by my own body. To go home still swollen and with a body of a new mother but empty handed is the worst feeling ever. It has been just over a year since I planned my babies funeral and although I still hate my body for killing my baby girl, I can’t help but embrace my mommy body. It’s my physical proof that I am a mother. That my baby DID exist. And each mark is because she grew, she kicked, she wiggled and turned. It was her only home, how can I hate it entirely?

Ugly? Not to me! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 4 Comments

Having see others’ grossed out reaction to their own and others’ stretched out bellies while I was growing up, had me feeling like it was gross, ugly, shameful, etc. Just make sure to cover it up and tuck it in really well into your control top pantyhose, and make sure you forever and ever work on losing that last few pounds, lamenting all the extra skin you now have, etc, etc.

Then came my turn to have a baby, after 4 years of barrenness, aching to have a child to hold and love. Before I was 12 weeks along, I had stretch marks forming. By the time I hit my third trimester, my belly looked like a giant cat had clawed my stomach, as I had 4 huge ragged red lines on either side of my belly button running from level with my belly button down to the waistline of my panties. (I still wish I’d taken pictures of that stage!) By the time my son was born, my belly was covered with stretch marks, from 2 inches under my bust all the way down. After my son was born, I was looking at my reflection, and my first thought was, “Now I have an ugly belly”, but you know what? I don’t! It’s not perfect, but it wasn’t perfect before. The ugly is all in how you think about it. My body will never be the body it was before I had kids, but I have my kids now. I now have a droopy belly button; a little “apron” of extra skin from stretching so far, (over 13 inches gained around my waist during my last pregnancy!) so fast, so many times in such little time (3 fullterm pregnancies in 4 years); my belly will never again be smooth skin; BUT, I have 3 adorable little ones that are growing, learning, and surprising me daily with the things they know and do. No “perfect” body could replace my kiddos! I wouldn’t trade them for anything, not even my prebaby body!

The three non pregnant photos are current. The three hugely pregnant photos are the day before each of my three kids was born.

Age: 27
Pregnancies and births: 5 pregnancies, 2 early miscarriages, and 3 live births
Children’s ages: 3 1/2, 2, infant, 15 weeks postpartum

Goodbye Forever, Bikini (Becky)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 14 Comments

Age: 24
Children: 1
Child’s age: 1 month

I have never been skinny. I’ve never wanted to be. I liked my size 8, athletic build with curves in all of the right places. I liked my boobs. I liked my body. Period.
When I got pregnant, my husband and I were so excited. Yes, the thought “oh my God what’s this going to do to my body?!” nagged at me a little bit, but I have always had a very strong mind and figured I could handle it. It couldn’t be that bad, right? I’m healthy, I work out, I eat well. I’ll be fine. Or so I thought.

I expected to have stretch marks. My mom has them, though they are very minimal. My sister- well, her stomach looked like someone took a set of kitchen knives to it (until she had a tummy tuck)! But my sister also had a VERY unhealthy, fast-food and diet-soda pregnancy. I would be fine, I thought. So I did everything “right”. I began a very strict skin care regimen and maintained it throughout my entire pregnancy. I took baths with vitamin-e oil. I used Palmer’s cocoa butter every day, twice a day on my belly, hips, thighs, and breasts. I drank more than a gallon of water per day. I ate a healthy diet. The day I went into labor with my sweet girl, I had gained 35 pounds- exactly what my doctor recommended, not a pound more or less. Despite all of that, I had stretch marks. I had them worse than my mother did. I have them worse than my sister did. They are all over my stomach, some on my hips. Thankfully, my breasts were spared.

I am devastated.

My daughter is beautiful. She graced us with her presence the day after she was due. And she was BIG and healthy and perfect. 8 pounds 7 ounces worth of healthy. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me… still I am feeling so unhappy with my body after birth.

I’ve lost all of my baby weight (and then some!) thanks to breast feeding and can’t wait to get to the gym to start working out. But I have spent countless hours researching only to find that these marks aren’t going anywhere. No creams or lasers or wraps are going to get rid of them, no matter what is promised by the advertisements. So here I am, on our family vacation, loathing all of the women in bikinis and knowing that I have said goodbye to mine forever. There are sexy one pieces that I can wear next year. I know that. But I’ll never quite feel as sexy as I used to. My husband is supportive. He says the stretch marks are just a part of life. That he doesn’t did me any less attractive with the scars if bringing our girl into the world. But I see him glance in the direction of the bikini-clad women who don’t have these damn stretch marks. (Some of them toting their own little ones around- HOW IS THAT FAIR?!) And it hurts. My once high self-esteem is plummeting.

I hope I get over it. But for now, I’m devastated.

Photos:
6 months pre-baby
38 weeks pregnant
1 week postpartum
3 weeks postpartum

The Aftermath of 3 Kids (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 4 Comments

I am a 33 year old mother of a 10 year old boy, a 9 year old boy and a 4 year old daughter. I am including 2 front view pics and 1 side view pic. I feel that this is the best my body will ever be again. I have saggy breasts from breastfeeding. I have stretchmarks on my breasts and on my stomach all the way up far past my belly button. My belly button will always stick out. My stretch marks are as faded as they ever will be. I have diastasis recti which will keep me from ever having an entirely flat tummy again.

Pre-pregancy, my tummy was one of my favorite parts of my body. I had a belly button ring and a gorgeous six pack. I was a size 6 at my biggest. I am now a size 10, and even after years of working out, I will probably always be this size. I struggle with the appearance of my tummy on an almost daily basis….still.

I am thankful for my husband. We have been together since my senior year of highschool, and married when I was 20. He has stuck with me through everything. He is an amazing father to our 3 children. He loves me so much, and still finds me just as sexy and attractive as he always did. I think that I actually believe him when he tells me how beautiful he finds my body….although I have no way to understand how he could.

My hope in posting is to help myself become less shallow and self-focused on the way my body looks. With clothes I am very happy with the way I look actually. :) I have 3 amazing kids and a wonderful husband. There is so much more to life than the exterior, and I want to lay to rest the things that I cannot change and focus on the so many positive things in my life. I can assure you that even if I could have my previous body, If it meant not having the precious babies that I have now, or the sweet bonding moments of breastfeeding each one of them, or the intimacy that I have with my husband that far exceeds an outward attraction of lust….I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I wish the same for each person who reads this. May all we all walk this journey together of learning to appreciate ourselves, and those who love and accept us with each curve, sag, and flaw that we have. May we extend that grace to those on this journey with us.

To being our best selves ladies!

My Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 2 Comments

31 years old
1 Pregnancy/c-section
Almost 3 year old. Born 10pound 4ounces

I always thought my tummy was the way it was cause my little boy was so big and I was the only one with it, and the only weight I out on during pregnancy was all baby. I’ve often said to my husband how I’d like a tummy tuck after another baby. My little pouch feels so pronounced in pants and skirts like a little lump that just sits there and jiggles. I have been very lucky to not have too much excess skin or stretch marks. I’ve lost 10kgs since having my boy which has made it better and a little flater but over time and more so the last 12 months, I’ve come to love it, love it cause that’s where my boy came from AND I’m loads more body confident than I’ve ever been to the point I wore a bikini at Christmas time. This is big for me cause I have NEVER worn a bikini ever in my life. It was quite a profound moment and I’m so proud of myself for not caring.

Happy for any usage of the story Bonnie and pictures attached. Thankyou for your site, it’s truly amazing!!!!

Worth it All (Ashley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Submissions 10 Comments

~Age: 30
~Number of pregnancies and births: 8 pregnancies- 6 births, 2 miscarriages
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 8,6,5,4,3,2

I don’t even know where to start! I have been coming to this site for so many years…looking through photos and comments, getting the reassurance that I so desperately needed about my body. I am 30 years old and my husband and I have been married for 10 years. After we had been married for 2 years, we had our first child- then had 5 more in the next 5 years lol. I did have 2 miscarriages in the mix, but having a child every year for 6 years really made my body go through so many changes. I gained a lot of weight with each pregnancy…I am 5’4″ and weighed 127 on my wedding day, and 135 before we started having kids… and got up to 200 pounds with most of the pregnancies. I would get into the 140’s between pregnancies only to go right back up! But after my last baby was born 2 years ago, I just worked as hard as I could and now weigh 130, sometimes a few pounds less and sometimes a few pounds more.

I did not know that my last pregnancy would be my last…I wanted more kids. But I got sick. I am disabled now and cannot have anymore. I go to the doctor every 3 weeks, am on a lot of medication, and cannot exercise or work out like I used to. For a year and a half I chronicled my journey as a mom with an illness in my blog. Reading what I have gone through and what I am going through really gives me an amazing perspective about what is really important in life. This new body is hard to adjust to…however, I am SICK and TIRED of caring about my flubby stomach and the extra pounds!! I am fighting to live and enjoy my family, and yet here I am whining because I THINK I look fat!! And maybe I do look fat, but who the heck cares?? Come on now, lol. Seriously, I just need to keep giving myself a good talking-to…because I am an amazing woman! I love my husband, I am a heck of a mom, and I fight hard to live a good life! I have the most beautiful children on earth who tell me a thousand times a day how much they love me. I always let my 5 year old daughter watch me get dressed- and whether I believe it or not I always talk about how beautiful my body and my stomach are. I have some work to do mentally, but while I work on it I am going to make sure my daughter learns that she should complement her body and be proud of every single part of it regardless of how it changes. I AM SO MUCH MORE THEN MY APPEARANCE…and SO ARE YOU.

My husband is the most amazing man I have EVER known. Every single day he tells me how much he loves me, how grateful he is to be married to me, how sexy he thinks I am. He also quit his full time job last year to stay home and take care of me and the kids. I AM A LUCKY WOMAN. He always gets mad when I fuss about my appearance- he cannot believe that I would not like what I see in the mirror. And I understand what he is saying, because so many times I read posts where women hate their bodies- but when I look at them I’m like, “but you look amazing!!” Strange, isn’t it?? Ladies, you are amazing because of who you are- and your body is amazing because it is YOU. Love yourself. Love your body. Love the insanely incredible thing it has done. Complement yourself at least 10 times a day. We are worth so much more then we give ourselves credit.
Blessings!

#1- Me last year
#2- Me last year
#3- Right after my all natural, drug free birth of my last baby- I felt AWESOME after this!
#4- Carrying my 1 year old on my back while apple picking with my kids
#5- Last month when I cut 16″ of my hair off!!
#6- A few weeks ago in Florida with my hubby- ALONE!! I am actually a little heavier there because I ate a lot while we were there lol
#7- I am modest and did not feel comfortable posting a full body shot with no clothes, however I did want you to see my tummy. Pictures can be misleading and clothes can make you look a certain way, which is fine, but this is what my stomach looks like 2 years after having 6 babies. It is wrinkly, thick, and rolls out over my pants lol.
#8- This is me before having any kids.
#9- This is me, my husband, and our 6 kids- taken this past April

Breast Issues (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Breasts, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

I am a 24 year old mother of 1 loving boy who is now 10 months old and has been breastfeeding since he was born. I have became really worried about my breast probably about the time my son was 7 months old. My boobs look like the right is larger than the left. My right boob has always slightly been bigger than the left but not noticeable to others just me. But now it’s like my right boob is 2 cups bigger than the left. Before getting pregnant I was a 32C. I’ve been reading a lot of forums online with women who had this same issue. Some say their boobs go back others say it stayed that way and so they fixed it with breast augmentation. And with that being said I feel like I will be one of those ladies who need a breast augmentation. And my son doesn’t prefer one breast over the other. Granted, the right makes more than the left but he spends equal amount of time on each. Please tell me what happened to yours after breastfeeding and any other advice you think is necessary.