PCOS

My First Birth (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, PCOS, Plus-Sized Mom, Submissions 0 Comment

~Your Age: 25 now (23 when my son was born)
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 years

This is long so please bare with me

August 2016 I was told I had a higher chance of not being able to have kids because I had PCOS. My husband and I were sad when we found out…. We started having sex thinking nothing of it cuz hey I couldn’t get pregnant… well we were wrong. November 2016 we found out I was 8 weeks pregnant.

During pregnancy everything was fine. My son was growing perfectly. I had the usual morning sickness 1st trimester, burst of energy 2nd trimester, and super uncomfortable 3rd trimester. I gained a lot of weight… pre-pregnancy I was 150lbs…. I am 2 years post partum and I now weigh 200 after losing 30lbs the last few months.

My husband and i were planning a homebirth (his mom had 13 kids and all were homebirths). I’ll be honest I wasn’t very fond of the idea because I didn’t know people still did homebirths. But I did A LOT of researching and I came to the conclusion it would be good, less stressful, easier cuz you’re doing it in the comfort of your home. A lot of friends and family on My side told me there is no way I could do a home birth. But I wanted to give it a try.

My husband and I went grocery shopping on my due date and that night I started labor-i didn’t realize it was true labor so I just went to bed. Around 5 the next morning I woke up with horrible contractions. My husband decided to stay home from work… 12 hours later I only progressed to 4cm. I was throwing up cuz of the pain. I was already tired but I was determined to have a home birth and prove the people who told me I couldn’t that I could (cuz I am very hard headed). Another 12 hours passed and I got to 7cm. I was to the point I kept feeling like pushing but I couldn’t. I was beyond exhausted. My husband kept telling me something wasn’t right (as he is the 2nd oldest out of the 13 kids)… But I kept telling him I wanted to continue. I didn’t want to go to the hospital. Well another 15 hours passed (now I’ve been in labor for 39 hours) I was still at 7cm. I wasn’t progressing. I was in a tremendous amount of pain. I was exhausted (as I hadn’t slept for the past 39 hours). I was dehydrated as I couldn’t keep anything down (I kept throwing up). I couldn’t walk. But I was still determined. I continued to labor at home for another 10 hours and by then I still hadn’t progressed I was even more tired and exhausted. And that’s when my husband said we are taking you to the hospital whether you want to or not. We drove 40 mins to the nearest hospital (my midwife had called ahead and they had a room all ready for me). We got there about 5pm (2 days after I had started labor). They decided to give me an epidural. But because my spine wasn’t aligned they had to poke me 3 times to get it in correctly. All the while I’m having contractions.

Once they got the epidural in it made the back pain even WORSE! The doctors decided to break my water (as it still hadn’t broke) and they found my son had pooped in the amniotic fluid. As soon as they saw that they pulled my husband aside and told him I was going to need a c section (during pregnancy I told my husband I did not want a c section. I wanted to do it naturally). My husband said he told the doctor that was the one thing I didn’t want and the doctor told him if they didn’t do it I might die and our baby most certainly will die. She told my husband our sons heartbeat was dropping because he has been in the birth canal way too long and he was getting stressed. They told my husband I had been in labor so long they didn’t know how much longer I would make it. So my husband came back and told me what they said and we decided to do a c section (and I only decided to do it because I wasn’t going to lose my son because I wanted to do it my way).

They got me down to the surgery room and my hsuabnd said they started asking the normal questions before a surgery ie my name, age all that. Then they asked “what are we performing on you?” And my husband said I screamed “YOU’RE GETTING THIS BABY OUT OF ME!!!!” and everyone started laughing.

After they got the spinal in me and numbed me from the chest down I remember laying down and just letting out a humongous sigh of relief because there was no more pain. When my husband was finally allowed in the surgery room he came around the curtain and looked at me and said “you’re smiling. It feels like I haven’t seen your smile in so long.” ??

And after a total of 54 hours my son Gabriel was born at 11:04pm on July 14 2017. He weighed 8lbs7oz, was 21in long and he was PERFECT. He came out holding his head up. Wasn’t even crying just looking around at everyone. The first thing I said after he was born was “is he really a boy?” And my husband said “yes babe he is definitely a boy.”

My son is 2 years old now and is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am still overweight but I am working to lose it. I have my c section scar and when I see it it reminds me of what a supermom I was. It reminds me of the pain I went through. The tears I cried. How scared I was. And then how happy, joyful and peaceful I was when I held my son finally. I have horrible stretchmarks on my stomach, thighs, butt, hips and boobs. But those are the marks of a woman who loves her child so much that was was willing to let her body change in order to bring her child into this world. My stretchmarks and c section scar are not ugly to me. They are beautiful and a huge reminder of all the stuff I went through to bring my perfectly wonderful son to this world.

~Your Age: 25 now (23 when my son was born)
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 years
~Any key words (second pregnancy, plus sized mom, cesarean, etc): plus size, cesarean

Mom of Two Boys and Four Angels (MommaPitbull)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, PCOS, Postpartum, Submissions 0 Comment

In 2008, at 20 years old, I gave birth to my oldest, Eddie, and I became a mom via emergency c-section. After 38 hours of labor my firstborn got stuck while I was pushing, we were rushed into emergency surgery and he made his entrance five days after his due date at 4:03 am, 7 pounds, 14 ounces, 21 inches long. After having jaundice and a brief stay in the NICU, we got home and began our new life as a tiny family. Two years later I met the man who would become my husband, and our little family grew.

When we’d been together two years, we got two pink lines after a year of TTC and a diagnosis of PCOS, our first pregnancy! We were thrilled! But 8 weeks along we lost our precious miracle, the first of three miscarriages. Then our little girl, Lilly, was stillborn at 22 weeks gestation in August 2013. I almost gave up on the hope of other children all together.

Finally in September 2014 we got two pink lines again. I had a good feeling about this time, I even started having dreams about a baby boy. In December we learned my dreams were right, it was a boy we would be welcoming to our family! We chose the name Alexander, and waited impatiently for the weeks to pass til I was passed that magical 24 week viability – the point at which our son would hopefully be safe even if he arrived early.

The fates smiled on us and Alex arrived full term and healthy! 7 pounds, 2 ounces, 21 inches long, via repeat planned cesarean at 10:15 am on a beautiful May morning. His big brother came right to the hospital that afternoon and held his baby brother, declaring it the best day of his life! The four of us could not have been more in love.

Today Eddie is seven and a half, Alex is seven months old, I’m a month from my 28th birthday, and we are about to move into our first house.

~Age: 27
~Number of pregnancies and births: 6 pregnancies, 3 births – two live, one still, 3 miscarriages.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 7 1/2 years and 7 months

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Breastfeeding (Susi)

Bonnie (SOAM) Breastfeeding, No Photos (Story Only), PCOS, Submissions 2 Comments

Number of pregnancies – 2
Number of children – 2

I am a mother. I have two beautiful kids, a 5-year-old boy and a 2 ½ -year-old girl. They are awesome—they make me laugh, cry, smile, get angry, and love more than I’ve ever imagined.

When I was growing up, I always had irregular periods. When I was 29, I went to the OB because I’d had a 2 ½ week period (blech!). She diagnosed me with PCOS at that time and told me it would probably be difficult for me to get pregnant without medication. I didn’t want to take medication, but I had ALWAYS wanted kids, so I left her office dejected and cried for days. My then-boyfriend (now husband) and I stopped using birth control (why bother, you know?) and I got pregnant one cycle later. I went back to that same OB, and it was a terrible experience—she basically told me that I’d probably miscarry, told me what it would feel like, and she didn’t even give me the “congratulations on your baby” gift that was in the room. Again, I left her office crying. I went back two weeks later and her nurse was astounded that I was still pregnant.

I refused to go back to that awful doctor after the third appointment. I found a midwife, who was WONDERFUL. We saw her at every appointment throughout my easy, complication-free pregnancy, and she delivered my baby boy. The only problem with the whole pregnancy was that my son was late, and we ended up having him induced at 41 weeks (it was Christmastime and we were worried he’d be born on the 25th if we didn’t induce). The induction was as non-invasive as possible—he was really ready to go—and I had a natural, drug-free labor. It was beautiful, and so was my gorgeous baby boy.

At first, things went well with feeding my son. He ate really well. But problems started when he was 10 weeks old and I went back to work. He would cry every couple of hours for food all throughout the day and night. I would feed him and feed him, but he just kept crying. Eventually, my husband suggested that we try formula. The night he first had formula was the first night we slept well since he’d been born. I felt terrible! What was wrong with my milk?

It turns out that I wasn’t producing enough milk. In fact, by the time we realized it, he was barely getting any milk at all. I felt so bad—he had been literally starving and I didn’t know it. Everything I’d ever heard or read said that you should breastfeed for at least the first 6 months, and I couldn’t even make it to 3. I was so worried that he’d have allergies, or that he wouldn’t get enough antibodies, or that his general health would decline. I felt so guilty that my body didn’t work right, that I couldn’t feed my own child. After all, women have been feeding their own children for centuries, but I couldn’t make enough milk. It was terrible. As it turns out, my son is fine. He is perfectly healthy. He’s strong, smart, and very sweet and caring. I love him so much.

After I went through all this with my son, I started finding out that other women go through this, too. Not everyone’s body is capable of producing enough milk to feed a baby. It is grossly underreported on pregnancy and baby blogs, and yet so many women go through this. It is terrible—as a mother, you want to do the right thing. You want to give your kid the best nutrition, send him/her to the best schools, etc., but if you can’t for reasons beyond your control, there’s no one soothing you and telling you that you’re still a good mom. YOU ARE STILL A GOOD MOM even if you can’t breastfeed, or if your kid goes to public school, or if you work outside the home. I want to say that again – YOU ARE STILL A GOOD MOM. I like to think I’m a good mom, too.

Every experience has its first. (Desiree Lynnette)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Pregnant, Submissions 3 Comments

I am 22 years old, 23 in October of this year. I am currently 26 weeks pregnant, and nothing could have prepared me for pregnancy. It has been an amazing, emotional, and at times miserable journey. When I found out that I was pregnant is was somewhat expected, but at the same time a pretty big shocker. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 17, which meant nothing to me at that time. I was 17, I didn’t really care that much is my period was random or that I couldn’t easily get pregnant. About a month before I got pregnant me and my wonderful fiance decided that although we weren’t ready to begin trying vigorously, we were still ready to make a commitment to a child to come into our lives and relationship. Coincidentally the Friday 5 days after our conversation I got pregnant. We took the test, and both of us were very happy to be bringing a child into our world. I was also very nervous and excited about the entire pregnancy experience up until the morning sickness came into play about 2 weeks after the positive test. I had morning (ALL DAY) sickness for the rest of the first trimester. It got so bad that I had to stop working because of how hard it was getting to be to work through it. Throwing up in a Wal-mart bathroom every 2-3 hours was not exactly my cup of tea, I am much happier now focusing on school work and resting my growing body. My fiance has done an amazing job supporting me and ensuring my comfort through out this entire process. One I hit the second trimester everything changed. My skin became extremely dried out, like alligator skin over here! My acne got out of control like crazy, and not just on my face! My boobs have grown from a B to nearly DD (I lost about 100 pounds about 2/3 years ago and went from a D to a B, so it’s not actually that foreign for me to have larger breast. Still crazy sore and painful though! I stopped throwing up (THANKFULLY!) and started eating so, so much! Pre-pregnancy I weighed only 115 at 5’5 and hardly ever had three meals a day, now I have at least four small meals! I now weigh 150 at 26 weeks, which my Dr. is happy with but I HATE!) I was very very happy with my body before, and I pretty much hate it right now. I am always tired, so I hardly ever (Ok, NEVER) workout. I am no longer working, so I pretty much sit around on the couch, cook dinner, and do school work everyday. I feel like the laziest person that ever lived. My body is killing me. I feel like my boobs and butt have gotten 5 times too large. My stomach is way to big! My skin is about as good as it was the year i hit puberty, and my over all physical self esteem is completely shot! I love being pregnant, and I love feeling my baby move around and kick me. I feel guilty sometimes about how down on my physical appearance I am. I always see pregnant woman and sites praising their pregnant bodies. To me it just seems abnormal and huge, especially after working so hard to have to look so good before I got pregnant! I hope that I am not the only pregnant woman that feels this way. Well, I am about to go into the third trimester and I know that it is going to be yet another adventure in this 9 month long never ending journey. I wanted to share my personal story of how it has been so far. From changes in medicine, to appearance, emotions, and self esteem; it’s been a long journey so far. I hope that in this last trimester I can learn to love this body a little bit more, and if not at least I am in the last stretch of this particular transformation. I don’t think I am very well prepared for postpartum body changes, but hopefully I can start shrinking again soon and get back to working our and taking care of my body. I can’t wait to hold this little boy that’s growing in there, and even though I hate the way it looks I hope he is nice a comfortable and happy inside my huge tummy! I love him with all my heart, it’s not like anything I have ever felt before. This first pregnancy has thrown a lot of curve balls at me, but I am happy to take it and keep learning in this first time experience. I know that including my son, I will gain a great amount from this experience. Far beyond what any other life experience could give me. Thank you for reading my story, I hope that you are all doing better than me with your body transformations!

Two pre-pregnancy photos and a few pregnancy pictures.

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: First Pregnancy

I think my body is holding a grudge against me (bcortez)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

Age:25
Number of pregnancies: 1
Number of births: 1
Age of children: 2 years old

I love being a woman. I love being a mother. I love being a wife. I don’t love my body. I love me, but I feel like my inner self is cursed with this failed promise of what my body is supposed to be. True maybe I’ve seen too much TV with women’s goal to be thin, but I don’t want to be thin I’ve always wanted to be curvy and sexy, shaped like a sexy adult woman. Biology shapes women as it does for the purpose of survival, carrying pregnancies, nursing babies, and to continue procreation. So all media influences aside, I believe women are able and should be able to have a sexy shape after having children,because nature had to have a way for mothers to have more than one child and not be seen as unsuitible for mating after one birth. I’m not talking about stretch marks or breasts not being as perky or an extra 10 pounds,so I guess I should tell my story.

I have always carried extra fat on my belly, but I could suck it in and look close enough to what I wanted. I still did spend majority of my teen years trying to lose weight and I was overweight by the time I was 18. I developed breasts in 7th grade age 12, by 9th grade I was a c cup. I liked the size but I never felt they were perky I honestly think they grew in saggy, not my biggest gripe because bras work wonders. I wanted to breast feed my children. I felt like 1 positive was I had big breast, 1 negative was they were saggy, to be more precise my areola is big and low my nipples point down I can hold pencils and other things under my breast but if I could just move my areola I wouldn’t feel so bad about it. When my baby was born she was tongue tied and couldn’t latch on, so I pumped for 6 months and no supplements and she did wonderfully. I wanted to have her on breast milk for the first year but around month 5 I kept getting sinus infections and in
my sickness pumped less and was so tired and worn I was producing less milk and I stopped pumping. Interestingly enough I never had any issues stopping pumping never felt engorged or pain. So even though I feel I have the breast of a middle aged woman they feed my daughter so at least they did their job! Hopefully when I have more children I can actually breast feed and go to a year.
I am African American, I have a mixed heritage, I am married to a Latino man and all I want for Christmas is some hips and butt. My husband is awesome and he tells me I’m sexy and doesn’t make me feel bad. Growing up all I wanted was to be able to feel beautiful and wanted and sexy and womanly without feeling ashamed. I had skin rashes and discolorations as a child and I was not overweight but like 10 pounds away for it so I wasn’t comfortable. I felt very ordinary, as a teen I was happy to have breast but I continued to wait for my hips and butt to develop and it never did. I was a size 12 by the end of high school but no real curves. Then during college I found out I have hypothyroidism and pcos, I did concieve naturally without really trying( I was depressed about pcos and the infertility part and stopped taking birth control) I lost 30 pounds and 6 months after being of birth control was pregnant. I weighed 235 when I had my daughter, emergency c
section, very depressed about that. Pumped breast ilk for 6 months no real weightless because milk supply would suffer. Stopped nursing still no change. I did drop 18 pounds a few months ago but I scale has broken and I probley gained some back. Currently I am around 218, size 14. I carry a lot of that fat in my belly none in my butt. My husband and I are ready to add another baby to the family but I still haven’t lost all my pregnancy weight and since I have pcos I probley can’t get pregnant as this weight even though other people bigger than me can, when I was diagnosed I was 215 and my testosterone was too high for ovulation. I feel angry I feel let down I feel like I inherited the worst genes in my family. I didn’t snap back after pregnancy, I nursed for 6 months and didn’t use and stored up fat I carry fat on my belly not hips or butt which is not only unattractive it’s a warning of all sorts of health issues to come. I have fertility issues at 25
and I supposed to be able to raise my daughter to be so much better than me but somehow I have to keep all this anger and unhappiness to myself. I don’t want my daughter to feel like I feel I don’t want her to have my health issues.
I was upset one day and I wrote a letter to myself and it was so sad. In summary the letter said, “why are you so fat, other people have babies and are not fat, why aren’t you pregnant yet other people can be fat and get pregnant , why don’t you love me. ”
I know I am judging myself harshly but I feel like I may never have a yound hot body that youth gives. My mother my sister my grandmother my aunt all were thin and no weight issues till after pregnancies or older age has set in, I have always been on the bigger side but not even with any curves to show for it. I’ve always had to watch what I eat my sister only recently has gained weight in unwanted places.

I don’t drink alcohol much maybe once a month but I’ve never even been drunk I don’t smoke I can be active and am fairly strong but I’m plagued my issues my peers who drink smoke eat whatever that want don’t have I know their actions will catch up to them eventually but what have I done to make my body behave this way . I have no choice but to keep trying but deep down I really think my body really hates me and is stubborn and as no intention of changing . When I did lose 30 pounds I only ate ceral skim milk baked chicken and salad only water to drink. I can’t go that extreme because my toddler and husband have to have other food. Woe is I

Stretch Marks Are Beautiful! (Ashley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

Age: 22 Pregnancies: 1 Births: 1 age of child: 5 months, 5 months PP

I met my husband while working at a restaurant in my hometown. I was 16 and his parents owned the restaurant. His name is Samuel and he is 7 years my senior, needless to say, everyone doubted our relationship. However, we fell in love very quickly and dated for 3 years before finally tying the knot on June 20, 2009. Very soon after we decided to have a baby. Much to our dismay, we discovered that I have PCOS and getting pregnant would be a difficult task. Being only 19 a few doctors refused to help me (that is a whole other story). Finally, we found a truly wonderful doctor and after almost 2 years of trying we were finally pregnant! My pregnancy was very rough in the beginning. I was very ill most of the day and didn’t sleep well at night… I lost 25 pounds in 2 months. None of that mattered the minute we heard the heartbeat. My husband (who was away on business) drove all the way home to South Carolina from Ohio just the be there! It was a wonderful time… On February 6, 2012 we welcomed Sydney Elisabeth by cesarean… She was health, beautiful and BIG… 9lbs. 7oz and 22 inches long. My figured was ruined lol… At first I struggled with it but my husband is a wonderful man and he tells me everyday that I am still just as beautiful as the day he met me. Sydney is our world and I would do everything the exact same way… My stretch marks may be repulsive to some and I may never wear a bikini again but to me they are a reminder of the most blissful time of my life so far. To me and my Samuel, my body is perfect and my stretch marks are BEAUTIFUL!!

I closed my kanga in the oven door (Britne)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 2 Comments

Age-26
1 pregnancy, 1 birth, Zoey, age 16 months.
Photos: 1- 15 weeks pregnant, 2. 40 weeks pregnant, 3. Kanga!! (16 months after birth)

After being told I would never have a child (due to PCOS) I did the impossible; I conceived naturally and quite by surprise. Now, my bright and beautiful 16-month-old daughter lives up to her name, Zoey, meaning life. I have never, EVER, been so entertained since having a child. Of course, having a child brought on the all the “joys” of a life-changing event. Including, but not limited to the pregnancy acne, hair growth, mood swings, pain of a c-section, and of course the beloved kangaroo sack of hanging skin that seems to drape ever-so-gracefully over my crooked c-section scar.

A few days ago, I was cooking dinner. Which I happen to do quite frequently since my husband likes to eat, and I mean EAT. Well, this particular night, my daughter was doing the whole hangy/pully off the clothes thing on my leg and I gently pushed her over a bit. Well she got mad and grabbed the bar that runs across the oven door and pulled the oven open. Well, me being me, I just pushed her back and went to close the oven door while turning off a burner at the same time. Lo and behold, my dang kanga belly got pinched when I leaned up and over to the burner controls, and I mean a good gob of flesh that was pinched, while shutting the door. I nervously yanked my Kanga out of the oven and quickly looked to see if my hubby had saw what had happened. Thankfully, he was too engrossed with his NHL Stanley Cup Finals. Ive come to terms with bad-ole-Kanga, learning what underwear “holds” Kanga in, and let me tell you it is not any Victoria’s Secret thongs anymore. In fact, my hubby was folding clothes and held up a pair of full-butt panties and exclaimed “wow, hun, are these yours?” I said “Of course not, they are Megs.” Meg is a friend of mine that visits and who leaves clothes at my home since she lives a bit away. The coolest part of Kanga (lol), is when my daughter finds rolls of lipstick or markers that she should not have and brings them to “show” me and I quickly hide them underneath Kanga/in the fold of my leg because she has figured out the whole behind-the-back thing.

On another note, my daughter is obsessed with bellybuttons, and frequently pulls up her shirt in stores to show people her bellybutton much to my mortification and then wants you to pull your shirt up and show her your bellybutton. Well, of course I play this game at home, but the sad part is with all the extra skin from Kanga, my daughters little finger just kept going and going into the space where my bellybutton is. For some reason, pregnancy has made my bellybutton hole deeper, or maybe its just the extra skin folding into itself. So instead, we play “find Daddy’s bellybutton and Mommy’s ear.” My husband is naturally thin, although Zoey will not touch his tummy for some reason (although his tummy is a bit hairy, so think it is rather scary to her.) Not only does she want to look at your bellybutton, but she also wants to blow on your tummy and make the gassy noise. I’m all game for that, but when she did this to the inside of my leg I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Its bad enough that my daughter thought my leg was my stomach.

For sums, I wouldn’t trade being a Mommy for anything. I look at my ultra-thin/sexy/successful neighbor and sometimes I am jealous. Jealous of her freedom, good looks, ability to get more sleep than I do, and probably most of all for being a little selfish and putting herself first. We throw ourselves away when we become a Mommy, I am just learning how to dig myself out of the dumpster and recycle myself. Ive lost about 15 pounds now, and I am exercising daily. I no longer look at Kanga and feel disgust, I look and I see LIFE, my ZOEY.

7 Months Pregnant and Scared (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

I came across your site after seeing it in the DM, I don’t feel easier, (yet) but am glad I am not alone.

I have never been a size 8, always a 12/14, after my daughter was born a size 14 was most comfortable. I grew up with a women who made food and weight a bit issue in the house, it never bothered me back then, but in this pregnancy all my insecurities are coming out.
It started when I went for my 12 week scan, and the midwife basically told me I was to fat too see the baby properly, at this point I should say I am 5ft 4 and weighed round 10ish stone, I have PCOS and my stomach has always been bloated and to top it off I have a anterior placenta.
It didn’t help though, I walked out the scan room in tears, I chucked out my scales and swore to cut back on food, and for 6 weeks I did, and my weight levelled. Having no will power, I started comfort eating, I still do, every day I look at my body in disgust trying not to cry, I love being pregnant, but can’t handle the changes that are happening. I have a friend who is 5 weeks behind me, she knows my issues, yet she is always going on about how the MW says she’s a perfect weight, and her scan was fantastic because she is so thin :( I tend to avoid her now.
I love being pregnant and having a bump, its the excess skin under it I hate, I have no fat any were else really, bar normal weight gain on chin/arms/ankles which I know I will lose slowly after birth, I just cannot stand my stomach. My husband is fed up with it, doesn’t understand, I don’t expect him too.

All the things that were thrown at me as I was growing up haunt me every time I eat, guilt hitting me but I can’t stop. My (ex) mother always made out fat people to be bad and disgusting and lazy (who I feel I am today :()

Its really getting to me, I have 13 weeks left, and I don’t know how I am going to get through without going mad with worry how I am going to deal with my body after, I am scared my weight means I am going to have a 9/10lb baby and that frightens me, I have no motivation to exercise and all my hubby wants to eat is junk, I try healthy eating but he then promptly has a second meal as he is still hungry I end up eating again and feel guilty about my stomach and the poor boy inside!

I read the papers every day, I see all over face book these slim women who have bounced back to shape and get so jealous, so finding your site, I hope to seek comfort here, bouncing back to nothing isn’t the norm, to have a belly and stretch marks is nothing to be ashamed of, I just wish I could believe it, and live by that, but currently I can’t :(

Society and it’s size 0 perfect body mentality sucks

Pic added I was 23 weeks 5 days I refuse to let the camera near me now, yes I well and truly edited it to hide the rankness!

Age: 30
I currently have one child who is 2yrs 6mths and 7months pregnant

A New Appreciation (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, PCOS, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Age: 21, Pregnancies: 2, Births: 1
11 weeks postpartum

I’ve tried writing this entry almost ten times. Some stating how much I admire my body now, some stating how much I hate it. Instead, I’m just going to be honest.

I’d love to tell you that I adore my body despite it’s changes, but that would be a lie. What I can say is that I finally found appreciation for my body. Not only for it’s physical appearance but for the strength it had to grow my child and bring him to me on it’s own. You see, I come from a history of still born babies, miscarriages and incompetent cervix. When I found out I was pregnant, I was the most scared I have ever been for what journey I may have to take, what loss I may have to make. I struggle with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and had my fallopian tube erupt when I was only 16 years old. I never thought I would get pregnant, and was encouraged by my doctor to try before my chances lessened. I was newly single when I discovered I was pregnant. I had just ended a 2 year engagement with the love of my life and was going through a difficult struggle with depression, one that led me to lose a good amount of weight before finding out I was carrying another life inside me. One of the biggest struggles in my relationship was building a future and the fact that my fiance just wasn’t ready to let go of his youth. We started working on our relationship again despite his fear of becoming a father and didn’t up up getting back together fully until 2 months before the arrival of our son. I ended up a week overdue and went into labour on my own. I had a natural delivery and birthed a healthy, 7 pound little boy. All my fears dissapeared, and new ones emerged. My son was in my arms and he was okay, he was perfect.

From the second my boyfriend laid eyes on our son, I saw the change in him. I saw every path in our future together change. Now, with a relationship stronger than it’s ever been and a beautiful son who makes every breath worth taking, I still can’t help but stop and stare in sadness at the stretch marks and sag my skin has taken on. I’m not going to say that this struggle with my body is a new one, I’ve always been far too hard on my physical appearance, but I always had found confidence when it was necessary. I have a wonderful man who tells me everyday that I don’t look like I had a baby and look the exact same to him as before I had our son, but his effort just pushes me away more when it should pull me closer, and I feel guilt when he has to see me with my clothes off. Guily for not being the beautiful, sexy woman he once admired so much. I love him but to me the idea of him seeing me the same way as before our son seems very unrealistic, since the person I see in the mirrornow looks very different from the one I used to know. I know it’s going to take time to love my body again but I think I need day by day to get to know this new me, the way I look now.

At the end of the day, I always find myself able to shake my head and step away from the mirror. Every difference my body shows is the doing of bringing my son into this world, something I never thought possible for me, something many of those I love have not been able to accomplish. I hope one day I can love the physical changes of my body the same way I love the ability it had to bring my son to me. Until then, I’ll just continue being forever thankful to it, and realising that thousands of women out there would give more than the stretch marks we think are so terrible, just to have a baby they aren’t capable of having.

My first photo attached was 3 months before the conception of my son. Second photo is my belly at 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant, I went into labour the next night at 41 weeks pregnant and had him at 3:58am the next morning. Third and forth photos are of my body now, 11 weeks postpartum.

Updated here.

PCOS and Me (Brittany)

Bonnie (SOAM) PCOS, Submissions, Thyroid Issues, Update 4 Comments

Previous entry here.

age: 21

Well this is the second time I have posted on here. I have not tried to get pregnant or anything yet. I am trying to work on myself first, to give my babies the best place to grow. I was so inspired by all the comments I received that i thought i should post again and give a little more detail about what happened to me and what more i found out. I met a guy at my high school when i was 16 almost 17 and he was 18 i believe. He was just some guy that paid attention to me. I was a stupid teenager. He tried telling me things like he would treat me like a queen and buy me anything I wanted…well all he really wanted was one thing. He took me and my friend to one of his friends apartment. Being naive i took two shots thinking it wouldn’t be anything and next thing i know i can barely read the time on the clock and i’m in a room with him over me. I only remember bits and pieces after that and my life hasn’t been the same since. As for the whole want to be unattractive with weight, it doesn’t matter even though im still the same size i still get looked at in that way. I also found out i have hashimotos disease and hypothyroidism. My endocrinologist said that my hashimotos is probably what caused the pcos and hypothyroidism. Im on meds and im trying to exercise and eat healthy. I am also engaged. Im very happy he tells me all the time what a beautiful person i am. i just want you all to know that even though negative things can affect our way in negative ways they can also bring amazingly good things with them. I feel so very lucky to have gone through everything i have because if i wouldn’t have i wouldn’t be the person i am today and i love her.

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