In the Media

Filming for the Documentary

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, In the Media, News 4 Comments

filming the documentary
My friend Lorien (SOAM entry here) speaking her mind towards the end of the day

A few weeks ago, I gathered with some other amazing women (around a pool – in January!) to film a segment for a British documentary. Focusing on body image and motherhood, the documentary (currently aiming to air in March in the UK) looks to be positive and moving. It was an empowering moment there with women whose body issues ranged from virtually non-existent to quite serious, and yet, despite the diversity, I felt we all had a bond. I am so honored to have been a part of this, and so excited to help bring this message to the women of the world – that we are worthy, regardless of how we view our physical figures. Thank you, to all involved, for allowing The Shape of a Mother to be a part of this!

Mention in Brain, Child Magazine

Bonnie (SOAM) Body Image, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, In the Media, My Own Ramblings, News 10 Comments

Author Melissa Stanton recently wrote an article on the controversial “Mom Job” plastic surgery package in Brain, Child magazine. She mentions this website in the article. Overall, I think the article is mostly balanced, but I would like to take this opportunity to clear up one thing about this website.

The Shape of a Mother is often misunderstood to be a site dedicated to loving the postpartum image – that IS a big part of my hopes for the site, but it is Step 2 for us as women. Step 1 is simply to put the images out there so we know we aren’t alone. Stanton mentions this in her article – the relief of knowing she wasn’t the only mom to face this. I think once we know we are part of a big, worldwide sisterhood, then we can begin moving down our respective paths of of self-love, whatever that may mean to each of us as individuals.

I know the images here are as scary to some women as they are reassuring to others. I think that’s normal – after all, this has been our deep, dark secret for so long. What I want is to let the secret out. If it’s not secret anymore, it will no longer be shocking or scary.

What did you think of the article?

TV Documentary! (Do you live in San Diego?)

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, In the Media, Old News 3 Comments

I have spoken on the phone and in e-mail with two women, including Alex, the director, about this project. Here is a message Alex has written that she would like me to share with you:

Hi there,

I’m writing from a TV production company in the UK regarding a documentary we’re making about pregnancy and body image for ITV1 (one of the leading networks here). The program will be looking at the pressure on women today to stay slim both during and after pregnancy.

We’ve been really inspired by the positive message The Shape of a Mother is sending out. It’s so refreshing to find a website where women can share their stories, support each other and realize that they can still love their bodies despite the changes they have been through.

In our documentary we’re keen to represent a wide-range of women – from those who have overcome their insecurities to those who are still struggling with them. The SOAM creator, Bonnie, has kindly agreed to take part in our program and now we are hoping to find more women from this website who would potentially be interested in doing some filming with us. Ideally, we’d like to film a group of women from SOAM having an informal group chat about the website and how they feel about their bodies.

The filming will be taking place in San Diego in January, so if you’re local to the area we would love to hear from you. What have you gained from SOAM? Have you learned to love your stretch marks or are you still on a journey to accept your body?

Please only get in touch if you live in (or can travel to) San Diego for the filming. Unfortunately we cannot cover travel expenses.

You can reach me at alex.berk@rdftelevision.com or on 011 44 207 013 4282

Kind regards,

Alex

The Mommy Job

Bonnie (SOAM) In the Media 7 Comments

I’ve been sent this New York Times article by several readers over the last few days about a special cosmetic surgery formula which will cure mothers of looking like… mothers.

The article isn’t all bad – it shows some other opinions, too. But I want to touch on the issues that, well, need to be touched on. Or, rather, kicked violently to the curb.

Before I go on, I want to make it clear that I am not necessarily speaking out against the choice for medical or cosmetic reasons to have surgery like this. I know several of our submissions relate to the experience of having had cosmetic surgery and I cannot possibly judge a woman for the choices she makes for her own body. What bothers me to no end isn’t that some women choose that – it’s that we seem to be expected to choose it. We are expected to hate our bodies, to want to slice them clean of any signs we once nurtured life inside of us. It’s twisted, really.

I also want to say that I don’t expect anyone to be suddenly proud of themselves and in love with their mommy bodies just because The Shape of a Mother exists. That’s not reality, we still have a lot to struggle with – or at least I still do.

But we should be angry that people use our insecurities to further the cycle of women hating their bodies. We should be angry that society wants to “fix” what was never broken to begin with.

“Twenty years ago, a woman did not think she could do something about it and she covered up with discreet clothing,” Dr. Stoker said. “But now women don’t have to go on feeling self-conscious or resentful about their appearance.”

Dr. Stoker is exactly right. We don’t. We can hold each other up and cherish the artwork our children have created. We can remind each other that we are beautiful because we are mothers. We can create a sisterhood of mothers (and all women, really) who can do exactly what Dr. Stoker says, without surgery. We don‘t have to go on feeling self-conscious or resentful about our appearances.

I also like this part of the article…

In 1970, “Our Bodies, Ourselves,” the seminal guide to women’s health, described the cosmetic changes that can happen during and after pregnancy simply as phenomena. But now narrowing beauty norms are recasting the transformations of motherhood as stigma.

I like it because it’s in the present tense. “Are recasting.” That means we still have time to change it! And I believe we can. At least a little. Instead of stigma or even phenomena, let’s aim for words that encompass ideals like honor, strength and beauty.

The issue here is not whether one woman chooses to have cosmetic surgery. The issue is that they tell us we need them. And that is not okay. We have the power to think for ourselves. And to teach our daughters to do the same.