First Pregnancy

Due in 12 days! (First Time Mother)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 7 Comments

I’m very close to giving birth to my firstborn, a girl. I was about 180 lbs at conception. That’s about 20 lbs heavier than my normal weight, and in a little bout of irony, I was dedicating my summer to exercise in an attempt to get back down to 160, when bam, I got pregnant and sick! extreme fatigue and nausea kept me plastered to the couch for the rest of the summer! and the only food i could enjoy was carbs! so no weight loss for me. i’m now up to 230, or 238 if you believe the scale at the midwife clinic instead of mine. Kinda funny, but i really believed that i could eat for two while pregnant. So i put on weight fast, and by month 7, the midwives advised me to re-think how much i was eating. since then i’ve stopped with the unlimited food intake and only gained a couple more pounds to finish off the pregnancy. it’s pretty shocking to look in the mirror and see this huge belly and huge breasts. i can’t remember when my breasts started sitting on the shelf of my belly. the lower half of my stomach resembles a dry and cracked riverbed of stretch marks. I was convinced for a long time that i wouldn’t get many stretch marks. wrong!! now they are appearing on my inner thighs too, which is a little disconcerting. I’m really looking forward to meeting this baby, but i’m pretty fearful of what my body will look like after birth. I’m not harboring any delusions that my jeans will magically fit right away, but I do really hope that breastfeeding is going to take care of a lot of this extra belly. i’ve also got high hopes that a jogging stroller plus a summer free from work will go a long way to giving me time to re-claim a body that i’m comfortable with.

i’m really curious to find out what this baby girl weighs, as i was almost 9 lbs at birth and my husband was almost 12 lbs!!! maybe this weight is all baby!

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: almost to 40 weeks.

You’ll Never Be Beautiful Again (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 20 Comments

Age:23
Number of Pregnancies:1
Child: 1 unbelievably beautiful son, 8 months

I would love to share the name of my son or a before photo of myself or even a full picture of myself, but I can not bare the thought of someone I know reading this. I have this fear that must come from highschool that someone, somewhere, will see this and recognize me – than before I know it everyone I know gets an email about it and checks it out. Seeing the real me, not the me I allow people to see – The me that only my husband is allowed to see – barely.

I read these stories and think “I’m not the only one” but then I realize or at least feel like – I am. All these women seem so powerful and seem so proud of their flabby belly’s, saggy boobs and stretch marks. I just can’t comprehend how they do it!? Maybe they were once happy with themselves and can look back with fond memories and think “well.. I was hot and now I am a mom and I am proud of it”.

That’s not my story.

I have ALWAYS been overweight/obese. When I was 13 years old I wasn’t even 5feet tall and I was nearly 200lbs. I was teased, tormented, abused and harassed my entire childhood by classmates. When I hit highschool I vowed to be “that girl”. That girl that guys wanted and girls envied. Little did I know “that girl” already existed… A number of them infact. But I still wanted some guy to notice me. Through the years of highschool I managed to stay around 150lbs through anorexia and working out every day. On the day of my graduation I remember stepping on the scale and it hit 149lbs. It was the lowest I had ever been (that I could remember) and I was so proud. I wore my dress with such pride. It was a size 6! I hate itchy tags and I kept the tag on the dress to remind myself that once upon a time – I wore a size 6! I remember teachers and students, guys and girls always complimented me and told me how gorgeous, hot and great I looked – never truly thinking it myself. Then the guy of my dreams..The guy I had been “oogling” over for the past 4 years FINALLY asked me out. We were that “picture perfect couple”. The sweet wholesome image of the prom King and Queen. He told me I was the most amazing thing he had ever seen – yet 3 years earlier I doubt he would have ever said that to me.

After graduation I kept the weight off for a few years and then I stopped doing things.. I worked full time.. And I started to gain. 155 and I swore to myself I wouldn’t let the scale get any higher.. Than 160 and I started to tell myself it’s still ok but no more. Then that guy of my dreams proposed! I was getting MARRIED! And that weight just kept going up… 170…175! I SWORE I would look just as good as I did on my grad day so I dieted, exercised and thankfully on the day of my wedding I was 169lbs. I wanted to be in the 160’s – just telling myself that because it was a 6 and not a 7 I was prettier, I was worth more. I didn’t feel pretty on my wedding day because I knew I wasn’t as skinny as I wanted to be. I promised after the wedding and honeymoon I wasn’t going to “let myself go” and I was going to be that trophy wife my husband deserved. I was the lucky one. I had the “catch” and I needed to prove he had made a good decision. Yet.. That weight kept piling up. Before I knew it I was 183lbs! What happened!? I know people gain weight after highschool but it had only been 5 years and I put on 40 POUNDS??

Then I got pregnant. I thought – great – now what is going to happen to this body I was never happy with? Well, a curse and a blessing I was so sick I only gained 13lbs througout my pregnancy and lost 27pounds about two months after giving birth. I thought – YES – FINALLY! I’m going to be happy with myself! I am going to be “that mom” on the cover of all the magazines. “That mom” that gets her body back in no time and all the other mom’s envy! Yet… This stomach wasn’t tight like it used to be… It wasn’t smooth and sexy like once upon a time… It was flabby… stretch marks that looked more like a road map… What did I do to myself? I guess I got lazy and exhausted and the weight starting going back up….

Now I am back to 188lbs and I fight with myself every single day. You look fine… No, you ugly worthless piece of crap…. No no, you are pretty and technically you are at your pre-baby weight… You stupid lazy junk food eating, do nothing all day ugly woman, it’s no wonder your husband doesn’t look at you the same.. touch you the same… Not only are you hideously disfigured, it’s quite obvious your husband see’s the exact same thing you do.

It’s a constant battle.

I am afraid my husband is going to cheat on me. He says he is in love with me and I am beautiful and he never would cheat but then I see myself and it only confirms what I already know… Why WOUDLN’T he cheat?! He didn’t like me when I was fat in highschool.. And look at me! Who the HELL would be with me? So what if I am “nice” – I can be demanding, annoying, pushy, whiney, lazy… I seem to have more flaws than anything. I can’t even stand being naked. When I get in the shower I take maybe 5 minutes just enough time to wash myself and my hair and get out and cover myself right back up. There is RARELY a moment in the day I am naked. The thought horrifies me.

I KNOW my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me and knowing he is the reason my body is like this, is the only thing that keeps me going. I would go through this again without question, knowing at the end of it – My son will be there – But it’s so hard. It’s so hard! I live in Canada – 7 months of winter meaning I don’t have the luxury of walking outside everyday for exercise – We are a one income family meaning I don’t have the luxury of a gym membership. How am I supposed to teach my son to be fit and active if I look like this? How am I going to teach him to accept a women the way she is.. accept himself the way he is… If I can’t even accept myself?

Reading these stories and seeing pictures makes me understand I am not the only one out there – but I feel like I am. I can’t even put into words how ashamed and truly disgusted I am with myself. I feel like I never really enjoyed the body I had and now, I’ll never get it back and I will never enjoy my body ever again. The only way I am able to cope with every day life and actually wear something other than sweat pants and a shirt 3 times my size, is Spanx. I love them and they have been my saving grace, but what I would give to wear something and have only MY body underneath. What I would give to look in the mirror and smile instead of cringe. What I would give to feel attractive..beautiful..pretty..ok, even not ugly. What I would give to know my husband is attracted to me like he used to be. What I would give to not tell my husband to only take a picture of the baby and not us together because I am too ashamed and afraid to look back and go “yea.. I am what I promised I would never become..that fat, out of shape mother with the double chin.. The one that couldn’t keep up with their kid and used pregnancy as an excuse to stop trying”. What I would give…to be happy.

There is a picture of me during my pregnancy and then my post-baby belly at 8 months.

Irelynd

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 28 Comments

Irelynd
Age: 22
Number of Pregnancies’
Age of Irelynd: 5 weeks 2 days

I was 21 when I got pregnant with Irelynd, at first I cried I was told I couldn’t get pregnant since I have some genetic diseases that made it near impossible to carry a child. My mom wanted me to get an abortion since I am in my last year of college, to which I thought about doing, but I couldn’t figure out why God gave me this child if I was told I couldn’t get pregnant so I decided to have her. Needless to say the pregnancy was very hard, I had debiliateing migraines everyday for three months, I mean I lost my vision my ability to speak threw up all the time was in a dark room for three months it was terrible. I did not gain any weight until I was 5 month pregnant I thought that since it was so far in I would not gain much weight. I was WRONG I started off 118, and a week before I had her I was 171.

I have been a gymnast since I could walk and working out and eating healthy was a major part of my life. I worked out everyday of my pregnancy, even with the migraines I still worked out in my room since I felt worse to not work out. I grew up in a gym, homeschooled with other gymnast we had weigh ins I was an elite gymnast so weight and body image is something I have always struggled with. I was so scared to gain weight scared to get fat, scared that I would go back to high school cutting if I got fat. Just afraid that I would become depressed because I would hate myself. Well I didn’t cut ( go me), but I did become depressed, I hated mirrors and still do, pictures are even worse and make me feel HUGE. My husband has told me from day one how beautiful I am, how attractive I am but how could I be when I was huge and still feel huge.

I also was so afraid to get stretch marks, My sister had a baby and gained 87 pounds she has stretch marks from head to toe and I dredged that. Needless to say I used stretch mark preventative lotion about 10-12 times a day to prevent them. I didn’t, I have them on my hips, my thighs, my butt, boobs, stomach, and inner thighs. I cried, I know there is nothing I can do but I did so much to not get them. I mean I worked out everyday. I was the fat pregnant person that everyone stared at when I went to the gym specially since I’m in college so they are all college kids. I lotion all the time, drank nothing but water. I tried to watch my weight gain since I have Celiac I’m allergic to most foods that could even make me gain weight. But I did.

Then that day came Irelynd was born Jan 31 2010, she was tiny only 6 pounds 15. ounces cute as a button and I fell in love. I love being a mom, I love her like I have never loved anyone before. But I hate my body, I hate that I can’t get it back. Despite what I was told or heard I started working out 3 days after I had her, I’m not good at taking a break. ( I had to go take a test for a class when I left the hospital after having her) I have been working out none stop for weeks and have only lost 32 pounds, which may seem like a lot but I lost that in two weeks and have been stuck at the number. I hate my stretch marks, I hate that my beautiful boobs have now a tear drop look. I’m self conscious when I have sex, specially when I’m on top because my boobs look so gross. Speaking of boobs, I wore a bra everyday all day even at night through my pregnancy to not get a sag, and they did. My husband thinks I’m attractive and tells me all the time but I have the hardest time believing him. I can’t imagine how he could be attracted to me. I’m one of five girls all who look like I did pre pregnancy and are beautiful and I’m still Huge. I know that my daughter is worth it and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I just can’t wait to get back to normal. And I know you may be thinking your nuts you look fine but since I was a gymnast fine isn’t okay, I have to look fantastic. Specially since I still coach gymnastics and have lost all my athletic shape, my ability to do anything above a level 6 which is sad. I want to be thin again, I want to look muscular again.

Sorry I don’t mean to rant but I just need to get it off my chest because I don’t feel like anyone understands and it is great to know that there are other women out there that feel the same way as me.

Picture 1. Before pregnancy (I know my boobs are hanging out but I just won a 1000$ bikini contest)
Picture 2. Forty weeks prego
Picture 3. Hours after having Irelynd
Picture 4. Four weeks P.P
Picture 5. Four weeks P.P

2 1/2 Years Later- Anonymous

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 16 Comments

Age: 21

A couple months after I turned 18 I found out I was pregnant. Since my boyfriend lived in California and I was so young, I was very nervous. Having my daughter changed my entire life around. I become responsible, mature and learned how to put my daughter’s needs in front of my own. My boyfriend (now fiance) became such a great dad and having her made our relationship so much stronger. However I have had trouble accepting the changes my body have gone through due to pregnancy. When I got pregnant I was 140lbs, and at 5’2, is slightly overweight. I struggled with an eating problems since I was 11, but pregnancy forced to me to learn to eat when I was hungry and choose nutritious food. I ate so healthy that I only gained 10lbs during my entire pregnancy. My doctor was not concerned at all because my baby was growing great and I was a healthy weight. I had a easy and fast labor and delivery and brought my daughter home a couple days later. I was so stressed from being a new mom, and breastfeeding, that I lost weight really quickly. 2 weeks after I delivered I was down to 128lbs and then a month later I was 118. I quit breastfeeding when my daughter was 2 months and my weight loss slowed. I now weigh 113 lbs 2 years later. I got stretch marks when I gained a little weight during puberty but I was surprised when stretch marks showed up darker in my first couple months of pregnancy- since I only gained a couple pounds and didn’t show until about 5 months. Once I gave birth I discovered a couple more stretch marks on my lower belly. My breasts, however, went from a C to a double D, got stretch marks all over them and when I quit breastfeeding I was left with soft, saggy, stretched out breasts. My stomach went pretty flat fast, but my stretch marks have not faded so well. I hated my breasts so much that I got a breast augmentation in November. I LOVE my breasts now, but still feel self conscious about my stretch marks. I plan on losing about 10 more lbs, but will have to wait to save up some $$ until I can get laser treatment to fade them. When it comes down to it, I would have a million stretch marks for my daughter :) She is my angel and my saving grace. I love her more than anything and I love spending each day watching her grow. Ladies: don’t worry about you bodies so much after birth, just focus on being healthy and the amazing ability we have to bring life into the world!

Updated here.

Saggy Baggy Mama (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 11 Comments

I never expected to want to be a mother.
I never expected to enjoy being a mother.
I never expected that I could love anyone so much.
I never expected to describe myself as uncooked dough that had been mauled by a bear.

I did want to be a mother, I do enjoy being a mother, and I love my son more than I could ever have imagined. And yes, I describe my stomach as appearing to be uncooked dough that has been mauled by a bear.

My pregnancy was exhausting. I had all these grandiose plans about eating right and exercising throughout my pregnancy, but they lasted all of one week. Then the fatigue set in and didn’t let up until about 17 months post partum. I spent the majority of my pregnancy sleeping or in front of the computer. Some days I could barely drag myself out of bed. There was no working out and there was no cooking delicious and nutritious foods. I gained over 70lbs. Already overweight pre-pregnancy, I was huge and constantly asked if I was carrying twins.

After my son was born, I gained a new appreciation for my breasts as they nourished him (every hour!). I also gained a new respect for my body as a whole. It had accomplished an amazing feat! Respect I had, but not love. I had expected my body to look somewhat distorted after I gave birth, but I figured that it would slowly go back to what it had been. I was very wrong.

About 2 months post partum my husband caught a glimpse of me in only panties. I could see in his face how disappointed and even disgusted he was at the sight. I almost cried. He didn’t mean for me to see. He loves me and swears he still finds me attractive, but his face that night was enough to hurt me deeply. Especially since at 17months post partum, while I’m slightly smaller, my stomach still pretty much looks the same. I’m like the Saggy Baggy Mama.

I have not yet come to accept and love my body. Maybe someday I will. It was worth it, because my son is the light of my life and every day he makes my world a little brighter. And he loves his mama, even if she looks like uncooked dough that has been mauled by a bear.

Age – 28
1 pregnancy and birth (hopefully more to come)
17 mo post partum

032510-anon2-1

My body has definitely changed for the worse but my little girl was worth it! (Sienna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 Pregnancy, 1 Birth
I am 8 weeks postpartum

I became pregnant when I was 21 after only 1 month of trying and was absolutely delighted! I loved my body just before getting pregnant – I had just lost a bit of weight and was feeling very confident!
I loved seeing my body change as my belly got bigger. I wanted to have the biggest pregnancy bump around lol. I loved wearing tight fitting clothing to show my bump off and loved hearing people tell me how huge I was looking. I just thought that everything would go back the was it was after I had my baby – I was quite naive in that way.

My boobs got bigger by a whole cup size and by 34 weeks I hadnt developed any stretchmarks so I was very pleased. I did used bio oil and palma’s coco butter for my whole pregnancy. Then a couple of days later I noticed a little mark on the side of my hip and knew it was the beginnings of stretchmarks. By the end of my pregnancy the stretchmarks were pretty bad and although I know they will fade they will never completely disappear but the way I look at it is that the are a reminder of my beautiful little girl and my partner says I am still beautiful and should be proud of them so I feel very lucky that way – it is hard to feel that way all the time though, I do feel sad when I look back at pre-pregnancy pictures of my stomach.
I gave birth to my gorgeous daughter after a very traumatic labour and my belly looked dreadful straight after. It was very saggy but I knew that it would be so I wasnt really that bothered. I had to have an emergceny focept delivery and an episiotomy so I couldnt walk for about a week and was very uncomfortable. I have a very large scar from the episotomy. I breast fed and my belly went down suprisingly quick. My boobs were huge because they were full of milk and I loved them! But I only breast fed for about 3 weeks and after my milk went away I am now left with even smaller boobs that I had before being pregnant (I was originally a small B) and on top of that they are very squidgy and droopy and have stretchmarks on – they are just not very nice – I would love a boob job but my partner says he does not want me to get one though I am quite self concious about them, I dont really like him to touch them now because they are so squashy.

I also have stretchmarks on my bum and legs though I did not gain any extra weight during pregnancy (besides the bump) so I was quite annoyed about that. I havent really done much exercise but my belly has gone down alot so I am quite happy with that but it is still very squidgy and hangs over my jeans a little which I hate, muffin top! So I am still wearing leggings as they are alot more comfortable. I am 8 weeks post pregnancy now so I hope my belly will eventually return to normal, although my belly button is alot bigger and stretched more like a hole now when before it was a cute little thing haha.

Anyway, I am unhappy that my body is definatly not what it was, however my little girl was worth it and I’m not going to let pictures of celebs get me down, they are airbrushed, no way could they loose all that weight and look so good so soon! So I am just going to continue trying to eat healthy and do some more situps and not get too down about it – the thing I would say upsets me most is my boobs but only my partner sees them and he says he still loves them so I try now to worry about it too much.
I have a beautiful little girl and I think my body shows the stregnth of a women and what she goes though to bring life into the world :)

Below is pictures of my stomach before, during and after pregnancy from the side and front and also a picture of my beautiful little girl.

Pregnancy and Firefighting (Heather)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Question, Submissions 13 Comments

24 years old
1 pregnancy & 1 birth
6 weeks PP

I am 24 years old and am very short and not proportional. I have always had large thighs, large boobs (36DD), and wide hips for only being 5 foot tall (size 9). I have never really had any big problems with my body. My stomach was somewhat flat (never picture perfect) but I was fine with it. I am a firefighter and EMT and in order for me to go back to that, I will have to do a lot of work to get my body back in shape. I gained about 35lbs during the pregnancy and at 6 weeks PP I have lost about 20 of that but I know that I have a lot of months of hard work to get my body toned enough to be able to do the strenuous work of a firefighter. I know that I want at least 1 more child. I don’t know if it will be worth all of the hard work if I choose to have a child again in a couple years. This is my question to all of you experienced women, should I go ahead and get pregnant again in the next year and have my other child before I go through all of that trouble? I’m afraid that as soon as I get my body back (if I’m able to), we’ll be ready for another 1 and all of that work will be wasted.

I really hate how my body looks right now. None of my clothes fit and I was sooo looking forward to being able to wear all of my old clothes once I had my baby. My bras don’t even fit. I know I should be proud of my body but I’m actually ashamed. I hate going around my friends because I don’t want them to see how my stomach now hangs over my pants and how I now have a huge muffin top. I feel like they are judging me. Most of my friends are guys and they don’t understand how much your body is still changed after pregnancy. My fiance is constantly making comments about my weight but swears up and down that he didn’t call me fat. He is also a firefighter and constantly tells me how lazy I am and tells me I need to get up and go exercise. My chief expects me to go get bigger gear and start firefighting again because my midwife cleared me to go back to work. He doesn’t understand that my abs haven’t grown back together or that the ligaments in my back are healing from being stretched out. It’s been such a struggle to be a woman in a male dominated profession. I have had to train really hard to be able to even partially keep up and I feel just about worthless now. It is going to take a lot of dedication to get back to where I was. Have any of you been able to do it?

The pics are me 6 weeks PP and my perfect little boy, Charlie.

Ugly is irrelevant (Alicia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

Age: 21
Pregnancies: 1
Births: 1
Children: One beautiful girl that will be three April 13th 2010.

About two years ago, when I would step out of the shower and see my naked body standing there I would cringe. I would try to get out of there as fast as I could so I wouldn’t have to look at myself standing there… Naked… Overweight… Repulsive. I hated my body. I hated myself. I had gotten pregnant by a man that controlled and emotionally abused me and my dream to further my education and make something of myself seemed long gone. I felt like a stranger had taken up my body and I was living a life I never wanted and that no one would ask for. I am not sure what kept me in it for two years but I am glad I had my moment of clarity. Oh-so glad.

I can now look at myself naked in the mirror and not cringe. I no longer hate myself as fiercely as I used to, though my self-image is still evolving and constantly is a work in progress. I lost twenty pounds and got back to my pre-pregnancy, plus size 14 by talking daily walks with my daughter in her stroller, breastfeeding my child for a year, kicking out my good-for-nothing ex, and eating healthier. I may not be skinny, and yes I do want to possibly lose more weight but I feel more myself now. I have the stretch marks… I have them on my breasts, arms, butt, belly, pubic area, hips… I have taken them in as part of myself. They are mine, no one else’s.

I started reading feminist poetry and listened to some Margaret Cho stand-up and realized how brainwashed I was, that we all are as a society, into thinking a certain size is beautiful… That you had to fit some kind of criteria to be thought of as beautiful in today’s society. Beauty has so many facets and variations. The views on beauty have changed so many times since the dawn of man. Why should we become slaves of something that only changes… Something that is totally objective and pure opinion?

I have recovered my sense of self. I just graduated college December of 09 with an associate’s in dental assisting. I do not plan for that to be my last trip back to school. I want to set an example for my daughter and any future children I may have… and I just love learning. The self-loathing is mostly gone, though I do carry some residue of it. Most of stretch marks have faded, my breasts are not nearly as perky as they once were, I have gained back a few of the pounds that I had lost, I have gone through another painful break-up with my most recent ex, I have reconnected with a man I went to high school with and I have known for years. I am falling for him and I am still to this day not used to his kindness and support… I am at a happy point at my life. I have so much love to give.

I love my daughter, and now I will try my damnedest to love me. Pinky swear to myself.

Pictures: Belly ones are from today, pregnancy pics of the day I was induced, Picture of my daughter and I this past Christmas, and two “glamor” shots. lol

Quotes I absolutely love from Margaret Cho:

“Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion. A matter of taste, a whim, an eye, a beholder, an opinion, a spin, light crossing the frame, paint, projection. The moment. Context.”

“I’m not going to die because I failed as someone else. I’m going to succeed as myself.”

“Just because you are blind, and unable to see my beauty doesn’t mean it does not exist.”

“I think everyone should go on my diet. It’s called the Fuck It Diet. Basically what it is is if I want to eat something but it has a lot of fat or carbs, I just take a moment, and I go within, and I say “Fuck it” and I eat it. You have to do it six times a day. It works really well with the Fuck That Shit Exercise Program.”

I want to look better. (Sue)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children: 16 months

First of all I want to apologize for mistakes, English is not my language, I’m from Poland.

I’m just 22 and I’m not happy about new look of my body… I’m not hating it only because of my boyfriend who seems to like it despite stretch marks and ugly, flat boobs. I was kind of sexy before pregnancy, I had 127 pounds of weight (I am tall, 176 cm) and I miss it very much. At 8th month of pregnancy I looked like a whale (171 pounds) but I was happy and excited. I couldn’t stand waiting for my son, and I was scared that something can go wrong. My friend and her baby had died that year during c-section. I was shocked. We were preparing together for maternity, we had same problems with our boyfriends, we had plans. After their death everything had changed. I was left alone, nobody could understand me and my fears. But luckily my pregnancy went well (I had only some problems with liver) and in October 2008 I gave birth to my beautiful son.

Usually my body is not a problem for me. I’m starting to think about what it looks, when I see slim, famous women 6 weeks postpartum, when I’m comparing shape of my body with my friends who doesn’t have children and when I’m trying to buy some new cloths in which I look nice. I know that my problem with accepting my new look is not serious – in the end my son is happy and healthy and I’m alive. But still I’m not feeling good with myself and I want to fight for better look. I’m going to loose some pounds and change my lifestyle. I know that it’s kind of sad that my self-esteem depends on my look but I think I can’t change it. What I can change is shape of my body, and I’ll try to do it.

Here are photos of me before and during pregnancy and 16 months postpartum.

First Time Mama (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 17 Comments

I found out I was pregnant in April of last year. My husband and I were very, very surprised but excited none the less! I delivered my baby on Thanksgiving day. We had planned a birth center natural birth but when our sweet little one was a face presentation all plans changed. This was the first face presentation the hospital had seen in 10 years. We were told time and time again that I would need a c-section but my body kept moving forward and our nurse was on our side (not calling the doctor in very much!). Eventually she told me that I was fully dilated but that I would need to wait to push until the Dr. could come in…well that didn’t feel very possible at that point. She then said “if you ignored everything I told you and just let your body do its work, eventually the baby would come out.” then she left…and we pushed. After just 20min of pushing (and the dr. quickly brought in!) we had our perfect little girl.
I am still adjusting to my body. I have hated my body for my entire adult life. I thought that maybe I would love it more after having my baby, knowing just how powerful it is. But that has not been the case, I can see that it is doing its job and doing it very well (EBF and my baby is growing like a weed!). But I am still sad that my breasts are so uneven and my stomach is riddled with stretch marks. I will never look the same again and I am trying to heal my wounded heart and learn to love this body. Thank you for offering a place where this healing can take place. I just feel sick and huge and I am hoping that by getting out there and posting this I will stop feeling so revolting.

Age: 23
# of Preg and births: one
Age of baby: three months (13 weeks pp)