First Pregnancy

Unplanned C-Section (Greenbean)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

I went into the hospital at 7:30 am to be induced. After several hours of my baby’s heart rate being consistently low and frequently dipping further it was clear she was not coping well with labor and with my cervix refusing to dilate past 2cm despite doing all we could we knew that a vaginal birth would not be possible and I went in to have a c section a little after 2 am. Although some people see it as such, a cesarean is not “the easy way out”, it does not make me any less of a mother nor does it make my daughters birth any less valid. This was not something I wanted or expected. It was very scary and upsetting, it was painful, and the recovery has been slow and difficult, but the umbilical cord was wrapped around her throat three times so it needed to happen so my baby could be born safe and healthy and I would do it again in a heartbeat for her. She is perfect, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and this scar is a reminder that we did what was necessary for her sake and I am incredibly proud of that.

21 years old
2 weeks postpartum
1st baby

020916-greenbean-1

My postpartum body is horrible, and I have a lot of insecurities!!! (K. Evans)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Before Pregnancy, Belly, Body Image, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 8 Comments

Well for starters I have a lot on my plate. I’m a single mom, I work, and go to school. I just turned 20 last December, and this was my first pregnancy. I love my son to death I wouldn’t trade him for anything, I just regret having him at a young age. I feel like a bad mom sometimes because I get so down about my postpartum body, and it worries me so much I lose focus on what’s important. I’m 3 months pp and I thought I would be at least almost back to normal but I’m not. My stomach is very wrinkly and covered with stretchmarks as well as my sides, thighs, hips, even my calves. I don’t even want to date in the future because of it…its just that awful. The only thing that cheers me up about it is my son because he was well worth it. I just wish it wasn’t so bad ?

The first picture is me before pregnancy, the last two are me 3 months pp….

Not What I Planned (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, HELLP Syndrome, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Toxemia 4 Comments

1 pregnancy & 1 birth

I’m not really sure how to tell my story, I had it all typed out and deleted it because it ended up being a jumbled mess. It’s much easier to just list the major points so bear with me! (:

-18 when I got pregnant..5’2 and itty bitty with curves in all the right places
– Didn’t gain much weight at all through my pregnancy (overall about 15 lbs in the first and second trimesters combined)
– Developed severe preeclampsia and full blown HELLP syndrome at 31 weeks
– Emergency C-section 2 hours into 31 weeks
– Delivered a tiny little 2 lb 8 oz baby who thankfully has no long lasting health problems and is thriving at 8 months old ?
– spent 7 weeks in the Nicu at my daughters side
– told that I can’t have anymore children because my body just isn’t strong enough to handle it
– After she was born I had stretch marks show up EVERYWHERE and the little weight that I did gain went directly to my tummy
– While I’m not necessarily happy with my body physically I think my hatred for it is more of a mental thing..I despise it for not being strong enough to carry my daughter to term and not being strong enough to bare any more children :(

I Used to Be a Model! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 17 Comments

I use to be a model!!!

I just turned 22. This is me 7 months post postpartum. I use to be a size 2-4, I loved my body, I worked hard at it, and I was so happy with what it had become. During my pregnancy I gained 100lbs!!! I have since lost 30 and plan on losing the rest. The biggest problem for me is my boobs. They use to be a nice B now I wear a DDD and it’s way too small (it’s the biggest size at the store) I HATE their size, I feel like I am all boob. I use to be able to run around without a bra! I hate bras. I hate how they hang down and cover my waist. The second picture I am lifting my arm up and it puts my boob in the place where it should be, and you can see my waist. I REALLY hope they shrink once I am done breastfeeding, but I am letting my son self wean. I wonder, will they shrink as the number of feeds decreases? Or will nothing happen until I am not breastfeeding at all anymore? I am against birth control for religious reasons, I haven’t gotten my period back, but I will probably get pregnant as soon as I start ovulation again, this means I might not have time to get my body back in shape, and maybe my boobs will grow again from another pregnancy and never shrink!? (Yikes!). I hate also that I can’t wear the clothes I love. Like many of the girls on this site, my husband also cheats on me with online porn. I am hoping once I can look like that again the infidelity will stop. I hate too because he is jacking off to women just because of their bodies, their bodies are enough to be deserving of his sexual attention. It disappointment me that the standard for who deserves it fo him is as low as who has the right body, I would be less upset if he jacked off to pictures of a girl he knew because he liked her as a person. I don’t even want a perfect body, I just want a decent one, I would switch bodies with almost any girl who has posted on here in an instant (they all look better then mine) and would probably be happy. I have thought about a breast and body lift after being done losing weight but it’s against my values and I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed more kiddos. I also developed a crush on a guy (my relationship with my husband has been in the pits, because I don’t feel like a desirable woman anymore, just a mom, and a house cleaner) and he called me fat and stopped talking to me over it. I use to have men wrapped around my fingers, so this really hurt. I wanted to go back to school, and take birth control in order to escape being a mom and be more like a maiden and I was hoping that would make my husband more attracted to me, I am really so sad about this transition to being a mom, it makes me feel like I am now completely undesirable to anyone. But I know he will not stay with me, because our faith calls to us having more traditional role where I stay home and have lots of kids. And I am not willing to leave him for this because I want my child to have a Dad, that’s more important to me then myself. It’s also why I still breastfeed (my child is more important than me) even though I know stopping would probably help my boobs shrink back.

My Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 2 Comments

Growing up I wad never skinny. I’ve always been a little bit chunky. This stayed this same through my teens and inevitably into my pregnancy and beyond.

I fell pregnant at 19. Not planned. But I was happy. My pregnancy went smoothly. Absolutely no problems. It was a dream. Then on the 29th may 2011 just a mo th after my 20th birthday I went into labour. The day before my due date. My labour was everything first mums want it to be. I had my first contraction at 3.15pm. Although I thought I was having period cramps ?. I had my beautiful girl at 00.09am on the 30th of may. She was perfect. I had gained some extra weight during my pregnancy and went from a size 14 to an 18. I decided to breastfeed my daughter and successfully managed this for 19 months. But the one struggle I had through all of this was my tummy. The embarrassment of my tummy and stretch marks being seen in public. The friends I had with children had snapped back to pre child body’s. Mine did not. I felt like I had done something wrong. Until I started looking online. I realised that alot of mums don’t snap back. My beautiful daughter is now 4 years old. And even though I am still ‘overweight’ I am proud of my tummy. And even prouder of stretch marks. I carried a beautiful bundle inside me. And its a reminder to myself of the miracle my body produced. I will never be embarrassed by it again. And I will be wearing a bikini next summer. I was pregnant and gave birth. My body is nothing yo be ashamed of.

Disgusting Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

I’m 18 years old. I have a five week old baby and he’s amazing I love him so much and he’s just made my life completely amazing! I look at him and I’ve never felt so happy he’s is genuinely the most beautiful baby boy!

Then there’s another part of my life when I’m on my own and I just sit on the bathroom floor and sob at what I look and feel like postpartum. I still weigh the same as I did when I was pregnant, a 2.5/3stone bigger than before, at 12 1/2 stone. Throughout my teenage years I hated myself, I was so insecure always wearing loads of clothes and feeling depressed about it, at about 15/16 I started to feel better about myself as I started meeting boys etc, at 17 I met my partner and he made me feel great! I’ve never felt so comfortable with anyone and I love him so much! I started to be ok with my body and maybe even liked it! This for me is amazing, at 18 I got pregnant and when pregnant although I felt a bit fat I could take comfort in what my body was doing for my baby boy and be happy about it. But after pregnancy I kind of expected it to just go back to normal, but it really didn’t, I didn’t even really look at myself in the mirror that much before or when I was pregnant and now I feel like id taken my body for granted because now I can’t even look in the mirror without hearing horrible thoughts. ” your disgusting, look at how much saggy fat you can grab.” “You can’t go out looking like that, your going to embarrass him, your fat.”
And it’s true I’m sure i do embarrass him, my partner, sometimes he says things that make me feel so terrible. Nothing really intentionally horrible but just remarks that he Dosent see my side of. I feel like he thinks if he makes me feel bad then I’ll work harder but it dosent work like tht and I jut feel worse. When I feel like this I just can’t eat and then I feel a bit better and have something quite healthy but then I feel like this again and stop eating. I try to exercise but It jut feels pointless, it dosent seem to help atall.

I feel like just as I was started to like my body I ruined it. I had a saggy, fat, flabby belly, an unlimited amount of stretch marks of my belly, hips, breasts, legs and the ones on my belly carry on a lot further down that i would like to admit as well. My breasts are a a bit saggy and I’m just all around fatter, big thighs, bum, really big hips ect. I’m on 5″1 and I have 36GG breasts and massive hips, so you can imagine how kinda strange I must look already and how hard it was to dress how I thought was nice. Now I have no idea what to wear. I feel like wearing big hoodies and joggers but just can’t. I made the mistake Of trying on my size 12 pre pregnancy jeans and couldn’t get them past my thighs and this made me feel disgusting! I can now only wear leggings like when I was pregnant, before that I had never worn when before that as I thought they showed too much, too fitted I guess, now I have no idea how to dress. I look horrible in everything and I’m so scared that my partner thinks I’m disgusting too. Went to a primary school today and I saw all these really young women with two kids who looked so skinny and gorgeous and I was younger, I guess I felt like I was supposed to be the younger skinnier one. Yet I looked like this. It’s so hard to feel good, this voice is always there telling me how disgusting I am, I still feel shocked when I see how horrible my body looks.

I just want to feel okay again, get rid of these stretch marks and all this fat. I want to feel like my boyfriends attracted to me again. I want to feel like me again not this sorry excuse for a women .

20 years old 9 week PP (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Prolapse, Submissions 6 Comments

Hi I am 20 years old and I gave birth 9 weeks ago. My baby boy was 7lbs 2 oz and I’m not sure if I have a prolapse or not but it is making me very insecure and hsvent had sex yet because of it. I did attach some pictures because I would like to know if it looks “normal” or if it does look like a prolapse. I really want to enjoy my baby but I can’t stop thinking about it :( I’m sorry the pictures look really nasty I tore on the sides.

082615-anon-6

(I’m posting the intimate photos via links below.)
Photo 1
Photo 2
Photo 3
Photo 4
Photo 5

8 Months Postpartum (Emily)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 2 Comments

Your Age: (19)
Number of pregnancies and births: (1 pregnancy, 1 birth)
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: (8 months)

I am now 8 months postpartum with my sweet baby boy. It was the summer after I graduated high school that I got pregnant. My parents were not to happy to say the least. My mom was always very cautious with me starting me on birth control at 15. I guess I was very lucky through high school but for some reason it did not work this time. I would not change what happened even if I could. I love my little boy and my parents love their grandson!

What I would like is to lose these last few pounds in my stomach and belly area. I try sit ups and crunches but it just does not seem to work. Does anyone have any advice? I had to have a C-Section and my doctor said my stomach muscles are just weak from that. I have had good luck putting lotion on my scar to reduce the look of that. Has anyone reduced the color of the scar completely or does mine look good? Also anything I can do for the stretch marks?

I have been reading stories on this site for a while now and thought it was time to contribute. It has definitely been helpful reading all of your stories and comments!

Anonymous Mummy

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 1 Comment

I feel like I need to show this photo my myself to learn to love myself. I don’t know who to, but this seems like a good place to start :)

I was 83kgs before pregnancy, and. Now am 80kgs, so that’s a plus, but the stretch marks are a minus. They’re ugly and sometimes painful. I wish I was one of the lucky ones who avoided them, but I’m prone to them.

That’s how I have felt every day until today, I have made a promise to myself to learn to love what I have been left with. I can always loose weight if that bothers me, which it does a little… But I’ll always be stuck with the stretcheis so I may as well love them right? Every time I look at them I will remind myself why I have them, my precious little boy who I love to the ends of the earth!
He has brought me more happiness that I could ever want, and for that I’m so thankful. I’m thankful that my body was able to home him until he was ready for this world, that it grew to accommodate his tiny body!!

I’m so blessed to be able to do what so many others can’t, who desperately want it, just as I did. I think about all the women who would trade their fit toned stretch mark free bodies just to have a little baby to call their own, but can’t fall pregnant, or have kids for whatever reason…
I owe it to them, at the very least to rock my stretch marks!

Some people will still think they’re hideous, and whisper and snigger behind my back if I wear a bikini on the beach… Even some friends will whisper and talk about me. But who gives a sh*t!! My husband loves me more than ever, my son loves his mummy, and I’m soooo happy with my life!!

I’m not rich, actually we struggle most weeks to cover the bills, we can’t go out all the time so we spend a lot of time at home, together, and that makes me happy. :)

Sorry about the novel.
I just had to put it down in words…

This is 1st pregnancy
8month post baby
I’m 23
Natural birth

Things do get better – Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 2 Comments

Age-25
Name-Megan
1 pregnancy
25 months postpartum

When I took these postpartum photos six weeks after I had my son, I told myself that I was still beautiful, that my body had just accomplished a huge feat and that my stretch marks were a reminder of the amazing thing my body had done by bringing my son into the world…and all of those things are true! But I truly felt down about my body. I was not used to having a big, squishy belly. And the stretch marks were so purple! And all over my stomach!

But time passed and now my son is two years old. Two wonderful, life altering, challenging, joyful years. And the stretch marks have faded! They’re still there of course , and they always will be, but now they’re just white lines and not even noticeable in pictures. Losing the weight didn’t take much. I eat healthy about 80% of the time, I eat reasonable portion sizes, and I exercise about three days a week.

Now I’m gearing up for a second pregnancy and the rollercoaster will start all over again but I couldn’t be more excited because I know that my body is capable of creating and sustaining life and also capable of repairing itself.

Pictures: 6 weeks PP, 25 months PP, my son, age 2.