First Pregnancy

Afraid of Second Pregnancy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

First: I am very grateful for this site, it has helped me so much to accept my body.
Second: I’m not a native English speaker, I’m trying my best but don’t be surprised if you find some mistakes. :-)

Age: 25
Pregnancies: 2
Births: 1
18 months pp, 7 weeks pregnant

I was 22 when I found out I was pregnant. It wasn’t planned but I knew from the very first moment that I would keep the baby and my boyfriend also accepted the thought of becoming a dad. My pregnancy was relatively easy, some morning sickness, some back pain, but nothing serious. I liked my growing bump and my body until I found out that my boyfriend watched porn. I mean I knew that he had done this before but during my pregnancy it had gotten crazy, I couldn’t leave the room without him switching on the computer and starting his little films. I asked him to stop it but he didn’t. He refused to have sex with me, kept watching porn instead and it shattered my self esteem. I started hating being so big. Then at 35 weeks I discovered the first stretch marks on my belly. Somehow I always thought I wouldn’t get them because my mother didn’t get one with two pregnancies. I hated my body and cried a lot and I was so relieved when my water broke at 38 weeks. I had to be induced and labor was hell, after 15 hrs my son was finally born with 3000g (6.61 lbs) and 49cm (19.29 inches). The next day I saw that the underside of my belly was covered in purple stretch marks. I was disgusted, I had never seen a woman with stretch marks before.

Losing the weight (I had gone up from 57kg (125 lbs) to 73kg (161 lbs)) was no problem thanks to breastfeeding and also I started working out again 2 months after I had given birth. But I still hated my saggy boobs (I got shrinking stripes on them when I stopped breastfeeding after 10 months. SHRINKING stripes!), the extra skin on my belly and, most of all, my stretch marks. Nobody in my family has them, neither do my friends, they were all like “Didn’t you use moisturizer?”. Of course I did, several times a day. My boyfriend said things like “They will go away, right? You will go back to normal, right?” Um, no. They just recently faded, they were purple for months. Hating my body, dealing with my bf’s ongoing addiction to porn, having a baby that cried endlessly – I hated my life. I think I might have developed a depression, but I never went to the doctor to have it confirmed or treated.

Those dark months eventually passed, my boyfriend finally understood that he was seriously hurting me (I had started to cut myself, something I hadn’t done since my teenage years), my son stopped crying all day and all night long and I felt better overall.

Although I am still the only person I know that has developed stretch marks during pregnancy, I finally came to terms with my body. It could have been worse. They are not all over my belly. I still don’t like to see myself in the mirror and I’m not sure if I will wear a bikini this summer (or ever again), but at least I don’t cry over my body constantly anymore (only on bad days).

And now I’m pregnant again. It was planned this time and I am currently 7 weeks along. I am terribly afraid of getting more stretch marks, since I already know that my genetics suck when it comes to this. I hope I can avoid them by limiting my weight gain to 20 lbs and working out a lot. I am currently 53kg (117 lbs) at 167cm (5.48 ft). I go to the gym 3-4 times a week and hope I can keep this routine up as long as possible. In my first pregnancy I stopped working out when I was 7 months along because I had 2 jobs and went to the university and just didn’t find the time to go to the gym regularly. Hopefully I’ll be more disciplined this time!

Pictures:
I don’t have any prepregnancy pictures of my belly because I never really liked my body.
#1: 36 weeks pregnant. First stretch marks visible.
#2 and #3: me now, 18 months pp and 7 weeks pregnant

Updated here.

Struggling in My Skin (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

I have always been on the chubby side with a belly before pregnancy. I am a first time new mommy and I would not trade it for the world. I love my son Caiden with all of my heart and cant believe he is mine. He makes me happy and so proud. Giving birth was the most amazing gratifying experience of my life, I had a vaginal delivery with an epidural. He was 7pounds 4ounces I had 3 tears and had to have stitches. I am now almost 3 months post partum and am so uncomfortable in my skin. I feel like everyone is looking at me to see if I lost the weight after baby and im so insecure.I see my friends who have had babys and look esactly the same perfect skinny bodies with flat tummys and not one stretch mark.As I mentioned before I was never a skinny girl with a perfect flat stomach but my skin did not hang and I did not have these ugly stretch marks everywhere. I had gestational diabetes with my pregnancy and gained about 35 pound.s I was 196 pounds before pregnancy and am now 200 pounds so have lost most of the pregnancy weight, but I feel like I will never be the same and no one would be attracted to me. My clothes either dont fit at all or dont fit the same and I cant find pants that fit me right for anything. My vaginal opening looks completeley different its more open and my muscles do not feel as tight as they once were. I am trying to accept all of this and know it is all worth it for the amazing beautiful baby boy I have but it is hard. Am so glad I found this sight because I dont feel so alone.

~Age:25
~Number of pregnancies and births:1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: my son is 11 weeks old/ 11 weeks post partum

the photos are 3 11 week postpartum belly shots one of me 9 months pregnant and one of my baby boy caiden

Coming to terms with the new me! (Krystal)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 2 Comments

Tomorrow is the 36th week of my pregnancy. It seems like overnight my body has changed – some changes are beautiful others are a little harder to accept. I’ve waited 29 years to have a baby. In fact, I never thought I would get the chance to be pregnant or carry a baby but somehow, here I am! :) In just four weeks my dreams will come true – I’ll be a mother of a beautiful baby girl – so why do I find myself scrutinizing my body in the mirror looking at every new stretch mark and every pound gained? I tell myself that it is ridiculous that I am so consumed with changes that are NATURAL and part of being a mother. I try to remind myself that the ridiculous image of women portrayed by the media is warped and wrong and that I should be proud of this body that is nourishing and protecting my daughter and giving her life. Still, it’s hard. So, here I am writing this post so that I can force myself to be proud of the New Me. I am no longer the Krystal who never felt her daughter roll around and jump in her belly or whose breasts grew so that she could feed her little girl. I am a mother now and that is something incredibly wonderful and something that I should be proud of. My stretch marks and new body are my proof that I am this new person and I am going to wear them with pride. I’m not going to let the world dictate to me that I should look 18 years old forever. I am going to do this so that I can break the cycle of “achieving perfection” with my own daughter. I’m going to look at these changes every day and remember that I am a very blessed woman who should appreciate that she given an opportunity that some women don’t get to share. I am going to be thankful and most importantly, I am going to be proud!!

***The pictures show my pre-pregnancy body. I was working out a lot to try to get in shape which explains the crazy pose and really low pants! lol Then there is a close-up of the stretch marks on the right/left/ front of my belly and my breasts which have grown almost 3 cup sizes!***

~Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1st pregnancy with my daughter Carmen
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: No children until July 16, 2012!

Motherly Beauty (Rachel)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 2 Comments

21
1 daughter (18m) and trying for another

I am a 21 year old mother of an 18 month old baby girl. I came upon this site while searching what to expect of your body after having a second child, as my husband and I are trying for our second.

Before becoming pregnant I had what most would call the perfect body. I am 5’8″ weighed 145 lbs…solid muscle. I never knew what love handles were. I could pull anything off. My boobs were amazing. Better than what most women pay to have done. I wore a size 5 and a 34b. Beautiful hourglass shape…I was in love with my body and proud of it as I put a ton of work into it. (picture below)

I continued to wear a size 5 through out my pregnancy. I experienced a ton of sickness. I could not even brush my teeth without vomiting. The smell of food sent me running for the bathroom… My first 3 months I lost 15 pounds. I looked like a stick person… My size 5 jeans were baggy on me… I was miserable…(picture also included) The picture of me with the 12 gauge was at 5 1/2 months, closer to six. Those jeans fit perfectly prior to the pregnancy… I had a small bump barely visible then… I did not start to show until 8 months…its like I woke up one morning and BAM! I routinely used Palmer’s and bio oil through the entire pregnancy but around 8 1/2m I developed them on my sides and one down the middle of my stomach…the same time my belly developed so did my breasts. I went from a 34b to 38D almost overnight, leaving me with horrible stretch marks around the entire perimeter of both of my breasts. I was all baby. After having my daughter who was 7lbs 13oz and 21 1/2 in, my body looked like it did before having her (2hrs later lol) then the water weight and the swelling set in. I wrapped my stomach with a corset type garment for the first 5 months after.. I had the infamous pouch on the front and love handles…which I hate! I have such a long torso that the love handles make me mis-shaped…its like they set in right above my hip bones just on the sides and not all the way around… crazy… Well anyways going from my pre-baby body to this mishapped mess really took its toll on me… I had a hard time adjusting to my curvy body and saggy boobs but my husband has helped me a lot… According to him I made him sick before having the baby because I was too skinny and a woman is supposed to have curves and meat on her bones… I agree with that now… I have come to love who I am. My mother tells me that I finally look like a healthy woman. And I feel that way now… I do still run nightly (2 miles) and toning…abs and push ups to maintain myself. Now that we are trying for our second child I am going to continue running through the pregnancy, as I was afraid that if I did the first time around I might lose the baby. I hope that my stories and picture give you new and expecting mothers hope… I didn’t know of resources like this for my first child.

Black swim suit is 17m after baby
rebel swim suit is 1m after baby
gun pic and red shirt are 5 1/2m prego
scrubs is before baby
black and white is 8 1/2m prego

Depressed About My Stretch Marks (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 8 Comments

I am 26 years old my daughter is 10 months old. I have never been confident about the way I look. As an overweight preteen I would spend hours looking at Seventeen and YM magazines. I think this is where my poor body image started because I did not look like the girls in those magazines. I became obsessed with losing weight and by the age of 16 I lost over 50 pounds and was very thin, but never thin enough in my eyes. Even after losing all the weight I was not happy because I had faint stretch marks on my lower stomach, breast and just above my bottom. I would sometimes spend hours in bed crying over these left over reminders of being overweight.

When I found out I was pregnant I knew that I was prone to stretch marks even though my Mother has no stretch marks. I applied bio oil twice daily to my belly as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I would go through a new bottle every month and all it ever did was ruin my clothes. I did gain a lot of weight and it was all in my stomach. I first started seeing stretch marks at around the 7th month. My stretch marks did not bother me so much at the time because I was so excited about the baby growing inside me. During my pregnancy was the last time I can say I felt beautiful or good about myself.

When I was getting close to my due date I told the nurse who would weight me at my weekly check-ups that I did not want to know how much I weighed because I was getting so close to 200 pounds. I did not think I could handle hearing that I was 200 pounds because I am only 5’3.

I had a very hard labour but it was all so worth it when I got to hold my sweet beautiful girl in my arms. I had my mind set on breast feeding and I am still breast feeding now. I started losing weight fast and my stretch marks looked so bad after my daughter was born . My lower stomach was saggy and all my stretch marks where on the middle of my stomach around my belly button and I had none on my lower stomach where I would have preferred them because they are easier to cover up . At my seven week check-up my doctor looked at my stomach and said “oh lots of stretch mark”. I thought to myself sarcastically “thank you for pointing that out because I was not aware of it before and it’s not something I think about all the time”

I was never a person who wore revealing clothing or bared my midriff but now I have to wear a tank top or camisole under all of my shirts so the shape of my stretch marks do not show through and I can still see them. There have been times when I have been all ready to go out and took one look at myself and stayed decided to stay home, this drives my boyfriend crazy and he thinks I am being immature. I see pictures on Facebook of new moms out in bikinis a few months after giving birth and it upsets me so much. I wonder why my body has to be covered in scars when other women look the same.

My boyfriend tells me all the time that he does not notice the stretch marks or care about them and that he thinks I am beautiful. He really wants me to stop talking about it . I wish I could believe him but I just can’t seem to get pass it.

I hope we all can get pass our body issues it gets in the way of enjoying life.

Young Mother of One (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

I got pregnant at 19, after being with my Husband for 2 months (this was before we got married). I was very depressed my first tri because I wasn’t ready to have a child, especially with someone I hardly knew. I came around in my second tri, after feeling a fetus move inside of you it’s just so magical you can’t help but fall in love. When I was 5 months pregnant my husband and I got married, a month before he left for basic training in the Army. I’m 5’1″ and I have an extremely short torso, so I always looked a month or two more pregnant than I was, everyone would joke that I was carrying twins. My daughter’s due date came and went, and a week after she was due I was induced (pitocin will forever be my enemy). My OB suggested an epidural at only 2cm (after they broke my water), which I knew you weren’t supposed to do until 4cm, but I thought she would know best and 20 hours later, after screaming and puking and crying, still stuck at 6cm, I had to get an emergency cesarean. The cesarean was the last thing I wanted, but after 27 hours of labor, it was a relief. My husband couldn’t be there, so I had my mom, step-mom, and cousin there for support.

Once I heard her cry, I began balling and she looked just like her daddy. She was 8lb, 7oz, 21 inches long. I had to spend 4 days in the hospital, I will never forget the awful recovery of a C-section. I struggled with breastfeeding and the pain of the incision, as well as realizing I had to take care of a little person 24/7! I never realized what my mother did for me until I had a child of my own….being a mom is the hardest job on the planet!!! My husband didn’t come home until she was 3 months old, and honestly I thought it would be more magical than it was. He held her, and she cried. He assumed it was because of him but she was just hungry….He wasn’t as excited to see her as I had imagined…He told me when he came home he would be the only one taking care of her for weeks, but that never happened. Being a single, married mother….that’s something that really kills me.

We now live on base, and I still do everything. I found out he was cheating on me not 2 months after moving here, thousands of miles away from my family and friends…but I’m still with him, and I’m trying to make it work. We are in marital counseling and he knows if he messes up again I’m leaving him for good. He is very supportive though, he loves my body and tells me I’m beautiful and that it was for a good purpose. I’ve been struggling with my body image a lot, I feel like a flabby old woman. I thought my body was awful before pregnancy, and now I would give anything to have it back. It’s hard to accept myself, I know it was for a good purpose, to bring my healthy baby girl into this world…but I struggle with it everyday. After what my husband did, with those younger girls who haven’t had children….it makes me so insecure. The women I know that have had children look great and it’s really discouraging. I really want to accept my body, but I believe it will take a long time. I can’t wear any of my clothes without looking awful, I can’t wear jeans or my tummy makes a little shelf, my tummy is deflated and saggy, and my boobs look the same. Hopefully I will find the light and come back posting that I have learned to love my body, and I really hope I do.

Age – 20
4.5 months postpartum

2 Months PP belly. Hate it, but will learn to love it. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 17 Comments

I was 16 when I got pregnant had my sweet little 8 pounds and 7 ounce baby boy after 40 long weeks of pregnancy at age 17! Im 5 foot 7 inches and 147 before i got pregnant at the end of my pregnancy i was a whooping 193!! I now weigh 172. And i know it’s only been two months but it’s hard for me to love my body at such a young age. However I wouldn’t take my son back for anything! I just need a confidence boost that hopefully maybe my belly will look better? My belly button is STILL sticking out…will that go back in? The first two pictures is me in my bikini right before i got pregnant. And the next 3 are 2 months after pregnancy, but the last one is me and my wonderful gift from God!

32 weeks pregnant and stretchies have started… (Toni)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 2 Comments

Age – 24
Currently 32 weeks pregnant with #1

When I first discovered I was pregnant I became increasingly curious about predicting what my body would be like during and after pregnancy, and so I started to stalk this site. Although I wasn’t overweight when I fell pregnant, I have always been very self-conscious in my body as I was overweight during early high school and had stretch marks from puberty. I stocked up on Bio Oil and Cocoa butter, but knowing my mum and sister didn’t get any during their pregnancies, I was hoping genetics would save me.

I am so embarrassed to say that I was/am petrified of stretch marks and constantly worried that I am never going to feel confident or sexy again. I know that the little human growing inside of me is worth every mark, but it’s so hard to see the bigger picture. I have been with my Boyfriend for 7 years, and I love him so much. I know that he will still love me post-pregnancy, but I am scared that he won’t be attracted to me any more. My stretchies have only just begun and I know they will get bigger and bring friends :D over the next 8 weeks. I just hope that I can ‘get over it’ and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy.

Pictures of me now at 32 weeks from both sides and a picture of me at 10weeks pregnant.

Toni xox

Updated here.

Can’t accept the huge change to my body. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 18 Comments

I’m 21 years old and my beautiful son is 8 months old. He’s my first. Before I got pregnant I weighed 118-120 lbs. and now I weigh 140 lbs. When I was pregnant the last time i weighed myself was about a week before I gave birth and I was 154 lbs. and about a week after my son was born I got down to 132. I thought wow this is great i’ll be back to my pre-pregnancy weight in no time! But I had to stop breast feeding at about 3 months because I wasn’t producing enough for my little toad! Now i’m back up to 140 or more I guess i’ve been too afraid to weigh myself the past month or so. I went from a small C to a DD while I was breast feeding and now i’m back down to a small C and my breasts are covered in stretch marks and so saggy I feel like an old woman at 21. My stomach doesn’t have bad stretch marks just some under my belly button but i’m still very self conscious about them and I think I look like i’m still pregnant. I hate wearing anything but hanes t-shirts because I feel like someone’s going to ask me when i’m due. I have family that makes fun of my stomach which I know they don’t mean it to be mean but it kills me inside everytime anyone says anything. My husband loves me more than anything and doesn’t care what I look like and I know that but he hasn’t told me i’m beautiful since I was first pregnant which makes me feel so much worse. Today was the first day i’ve let him see me completely naked since I was breast feeding. He told me “You don’t look that bad.” I know he didn’t mean it the way it sounds but my heart dropped to the ground when he said that. I’ve tried excercising but I have something wrong with my hips and if I do anything physical I can barely walk the next day because i’m in so much pain. This started when I was in my second trimester and I would literally have to crawl to the bathroom in the middle of the night to pee because I was in so much pain. The doctor told me it was just my hips moving to prepare for child birth but its been 8 months since my son was born and the pain is still there so I don’t know what to do. It seems like everytime I go to the doctor for anything they look at me and see that yes i’m skinny besides my stomach and i’m young so whatever pain i’m feeling is nothing serious. Well I think if I can barely walk because of dibilitating hip pain something is wrong regardless of my age and physique!! But anyway that’s not why i’m posting on here. I just want to know that i’m not alone and that someone else is going through what I am because I see girls the same age as me or even older looking like they’ve never had kids walking around in bikinis with no stretch marks and beautiful bodies and I feel like a fat freak. And yes I know people are a lot worse off than me but i’m not used to this feeling I have always loved my body and felt very lucky because I come from a family that has a lot of over weight people and i’ve always been so thankful to be able to look like I do but now that I look like this I just feel horrible and feel like everyone is comparing me to how I used to look and thinking i’m fat. I also feel like my husband isn’t attracted to me anymore even though he says he is. Well i’ll stop babbling now and I look forward to your comments! <3 1st picture- my husband and I at our first prom together 2nd picture- 4 weeks pregnant 3rd picture- 31 weeks pregnant 4th-7th picture- me today 8 months postpartum [gallery]

Building self-esteem after husband’s affairs (Joelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Toxemia, Vulva/Vaginal Damage 20 Comments

Age: 23
Number of Pregnancies and Births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth, 1 baby in heaven
Age of child and how far post-partum: Isabella 6 months and four days old. I am 6 months and four days post- partum

I found this site from a woman who posted this site on the Birth Without Fear facebook page. I thought how wonderful it was to see other women of all ages post up their pictures of post-partum bodies and share their story on how they felt, whether feeling upset or comfortable in their own skin. Pregnancy has done a lot to our bodies, including mine. I miscarried with my first pregnancy at the age of 18 at 8 weeks along. It took me a while to accept the miscarriage and move forward. After my second pregnancy, if you saw me walking in a tank top and jeans, you’d never guessed I gave birth. I’ve been blessed to lose all the weight; I gained 36 pounds and lost the majority of it when my daughter was born. She weighed 9.7 pounds and 21 inches long. I am only 5’1 and was 95 pounds pre-pregnancy. With her being so big, my belly was stretched to its limit and my body bloated really badly: in my face, my thighs, butt, and legs. By week nine in pregnancy, I could no longer wear my jeans. I automatically knew I was having a girl by week nine since all my friends who had boys could wear their jeans throughout their entire pregnancy and it was my instincts saying “girl.” Not going to lie, that devastated me to not fit in my jeans, so I stuck to dresses and skirts since I had room to stretch those out (did not want to see me go up in pants and it was cheaper). At my 21 week scan, the technician asked me if the midwife got my due date right since my baby was measuring almost 2 weeks ahead of her age and I said yeah, that I even tracked my fertility and ovulation for TTC. Turned out she was just a good size baby because she came four days after her due date, no interventions.

My body went through hell and back with my pregnancy and child birth. I had fallen on my tailbone. I went to the ER over that to make sure my daughter was fine, could care less about my body. My daughter was just fine. The fall caused me to have major back pain for the rest of the pregnancy and especially when she would kick my back or body slammed against it. I had a huge cyst right below my urethra, so sex was impossible as it hurt too much. The doctors refused to remove the cyst for me and it did not even burst while birthing her. I had sciatic nerve problems and bruised like feeling on my skin and muscles all up my ribs from her pushing out my ribs to make room in the last trimester. I started getting stretch marks in early 2nd trimester and by my due date, my butt and thighs looked as if a cat used me as a clawing post. I got a 2nd degree tear during child birth from being told to push with all my might since my daughter’s left shoulder got stuck. Two nurses were doing pelvic pressure on me along with my husband, very crazy experience so I tore horribly from all the hard pushing to get her out. The midwife who delivered my baby at the Naval Hospital (military hospital) stitched me back up but I have some insides kind of on the outside and my vagina just looks bad… Though I loved being able to have her naturally, I’m upset with how my vagina turned out. I asked my husband’s honest opinion on it, he said I’m little bit looser (I’m okay with that) and that it’s even prettier to him. Kind of hard to believe but I try to trust him on that. However, he cheated on me a month after I birthed my daughter and once while I was pregnant, so it’s very hard to trust him on his compliments to me. The only reason I stayed is because he went to rehab over his alcoholism (he cheated while wasted, still not a good excuse) and I want our family to be together. My self- esteem is shot to hell because he cheated on me with an overweight woman with large breasts. I’m opposite; I’m petite with A cup size breasts… I know I’m not ugly, I get other Marines (my husband is a Marine) staring and calling out to me even while I’m carrying my daughter. I just can’t help but feel my body is not good enough for my husband, that I’m not enough.

We’re in marriage counseling, we’ve been working on the marriage. I just can’t help but feel my pregnant body and PP body is not satisfying to him. I’m so terrified to get pregnant again after his affairs. Being able to share this to strangers kind of makes me feel better. Maybe some other women have been in a similar position or not… Just feels good to get it off my chest that I don’t feel good enough for the man I married.