Breasts

C-Section (Sara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

Hello, my name is Sara. I am currently two weeks PP as I was blessed with the best Christmas Gift ever in 2009: our first child (a daughter!). I was originally due January 20th, 2010 but ran into some complications with my pregnancy and was put on bedrest. I went in on Christmas Eve 2009 for a routine NST only to find out that I was in active labor and was sent over to the hospital for an emergency C-Section, as the baby was frank breech. Several hours later, she was born. A full 4 weeks early, she only had to spend one night in the NICU and was perfectly healthy short of being a tad underweight (5 lbs). 3 days in the hospital and we were able to go home.

Pre-pregnancy, I was about 160 lbs. A little bit overweight for my size frame, but not obese. (Naturally after I got married I gained all of my weight- I was always small my whole life). I’ve never really been overly happy with my body, but I was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant. I gained 18 lbs total with my pregnancy, and remained relatively “small”- at almost 9 months pregnant, I looked about 5 months. This is how it was discovered that I was having some complications with the pregnancy- low amniotic fluid put me in the hospital and on bedrest.

Looking at my body now, I appreciate everything that it went through. Feeling my incision site from the c-section reminds me of how amazing my body truly is. Am I happy with my couple of stretch marks? No. I’m not- but I’m going to hopefully get back in the best shape I have ever been. I didn’t get any stretch marks on my breasts, butt, or stomach, but I did get several on my hips. They are the first thing my eyes go to whenever I see myself naked. I am incredibly lucky to have a husband that apparently has horrible vision, as he still can’t seem to get enough of me, even when I was my largest with our daughter, and now with stretch marks and a scar. :) He doesn’t seem to see the same thing I do!

I am 23 years old, married for two years to my high school sweetheart, with three dogs, a brand new home my husband and I built, and now an amazing daughter. I couldn’t be more blessed!

Pictures included: Side view, c-section scar, front with breasts, our beautiful daughter Madalyn

Need to Learn to See Beauty in Myself (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Diastasis Recti, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

I am 33 years old. I have been pregnant six times, and I’ve given birth to four fantastic children, ages 8, 5, 2, and 7 months.

I married my best friend straight out of college and got pregnant with our first child about two years later, the second month we tried. We were both in graduate school at the time, so our financial situation was not ideal, but we had planned the pregnancy and were very excited. Our first son was born shortly before my 25th birthday.

Growing up, I’d always been skinny and had never had any real body issues. My weight crept up in the years following high school, though, and I began my first pregnancy at the high end of what is considered healthy for my height. Looking back, I realize I was beautiful, but at the time, I just felt fat.

I gained 40 pounds with that pregnancy, much of which was water weight that was shed easily and quickly after giving birth. Twenty pounds stayed with me, though, as did the stretch marks that had made a fierce and furious appearance at around 36 weeks, long after I’d thought I’d dodged that bullet.

I had never seen anything like my stretch marks postpartum. My breasts and belly were covered in angry, purple stripes. I remember asking my dermatologist how I could get rid of them. She looked at me like I was crazy. I had become a mom and was finally learning one of the best-kept secrets about real women’s bodies.

It took me 18 months or so to lose the weight from my first pregnancy. My body was finally my own again, and I felt great! I began thinking of the stretch marks as momma tiger stripes, battle scars that showed just how well my body had grown and nourished my son.

We started trying for a second child shortly after I lost weight. Unfortunately, we were not as lucky this time, and I experienced two, consecutive, first-trimester miscarriages. The day I was to start Clomid in the hopes of attracting another sticky pregnancy, I found out I was pregnant for the fourth time.

I was so worried about losing another baby that I really didn’t worry much about how my body looked during that pregnancy. I was just happy to be pregnant! My body was working as it should; it was supporting another pregnancy.

My beautiful daughter was born when I was 28. She didn’t leave me with any new stretch marks, but she did encourage the old ones to crawl a tiny bit up my breasts and abdomen. My stripes, which had grown pale and silvery, were again tipped in purple.

My third child, another boy, was born three years later. In utero, he had always preferred one side over the other, and was born a full pound larger than my first two, so he left my belly lopsided. The apron of skin to which I had grown accustomed from my first pregnancy hung down further and more to one side than the other now.

When we conceived our fourth child, I weighed the most I’d ever weighed at the beginning of a pregnancy. My weight had always fluctuated quite a bit, but this was a maximum. I was embarrassed I’d let my body deteriorate, and I was worried about gaining even more.

My fourth child, and my third son, was born seven months ago. As big as I was when I carried him, he was my smallest baby, a few ounces shy of his oldest brother and sister.

I weigh more now than I’ve ever weighed without being pregnant. When I think back to the body I inhabited when I got pregnant with my first child, the change over these past nine years is astounding.

I’m starting to understand that I am done bearing children. I feel like I’ve been through a war, and I finally have time to stand back and survey the damage. This is the body I’m left with. It is the only one I will ever have, and it will never, never be the same.

I have stripes now, permanent stripes that mark where the skin on my belly stretched as my babies pulled it up over their bodies like a blanket. The muscles under these stripes have separated and become weak. My skin hangs, lopsided. I have breasts that hang too, breasts that have nursed babies for 59 months (and counting). Pendulous, striped breasts, with brown areolas where there used to be pink. My legs are bigger. My arms are bigger. I have a double chin, crow’s feet, and sprinkles of gray in my hair.

I wouldn’t change any of it, but at the same time, I can’t say I love my body. I see beauty in other women that I just don’t see in myself. I look in the mirror, and my body doesn’t reflect me. Staring back is someone who looks tired, someone whose physical transformation has left her with a body that is virtually unrecognizable.

I want my children to have a mother who loves her body. I just don’t know how. I want them – my daughter, especially – to grow up understanding that there is a wide range in what is beautiful. I want them not only to see beauty in others, but also beauty in themselves, every day of their lives.

012610-anon-1

Update (Bryana)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 9 Comments

This is my other post.

The last time I posted, I was only 2 ½ months post partum. I had already lost all of my pregnancy weight, and was happy about that. Since my last post, I have continued to lose weight. I weigh less now than I did when I was 11 years old. No one has been able to find out why I continue to lose weight. I love food; I am always in the fridge or the cupboard looking for food. I am addicted to salty foods, especially chips, they are a part of my daily diet. But despite my bad eating habits I continue to lose weight. I am sure many women would be envious, but it’s almost scary. Will I continue to lose weight? What happens when too much is just too much?

Before I got pregnant with my daughter I weighed about 120lbs. I am only 5 feet tall, so 120lbs isn’t too bad. But since having my daughter, almost 6 months ago, I am down to 105lbs. I am 15lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight!! Sure, it is nice not to worry about what I am eating all the time, but I want it to stop. Unfortunately I was not blessed with very elastic skin. It does not bounce back… AT ALL! It is becoming more and saggier with each pound that comes off, and I wish it would just stop. My body looks as though it has deflated. Don’t get me wrong, I love my body for what it did: It gave me 2 beautiful and amazing children. I don’t even care about the stretch marks or saggy skin… I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again. My husband loves my body, with or without the imperfections, it’s just me… I need to love my body again!

I took these pictures today. They are all of me 5 ½ months post partum, except the last 2, they are my son who just turned 4 on Dec 12, and my daughter who will be 6 months on Dec 23.

Updated here, here, and here.

30 Months Postpartum (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

Had my first child 30 months ago. My plan was to stay in great shape during my pregnancy and then work out after to get my body back to what it was. Well, single mom and working full time leaves very little extra of anything to accomplish this goal. But now priorities are very different. I am proud of what I can get done each day. I am grateful for my health, to include my saggy boobs that I have EARNED!

011510-anon-1

Mom shocked by diagnosis (Penelope)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Children with Health Complications, Mom over 30, NICU, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 10 Comments

Age 30

Hello Well my name is Penelope and I am a mom of 3 beautiful children. My oldest daughter is 7 with a normal pregnancy and birth my second daughter is 3 with a normal 40 week pregnancy and birth. But after She had not passed the meconium and the doctors noticed her belly was veiny and distended they rushed her to the OR at 12 hours old. She under went surgery to remove the meconium that had hardened in her intestine. While she is recovering in the NICU my husband daughter and I play the waiting game,finally the surgeon comes to tell us that they suspect Cystic Fibrosis is the culprit in all of this. What is that ? We were both blown away , we had no idea what all this meant. It was confirmed after genetic testing that she did in fact have Cystic Fibrosis. I was in tears for about 3-4 months after that. She was released from the NICU at 3 months old…..My husband and I always wanted a lot of kids, but after this shocker, we didn’t feel right bringing another baby with a life threatening disease into the world. Although we felt strongly about this we were happy to find I was pregnant again!!!:) We wanted to know right away if the baby had CF. I underwent a CVS test and the test revealed the baby was free and clear of all CF genes and was not even a carrier. And it’s a Boy!!! So much stress went into that test we had to wait 12 weeks before we could take it and another 2 weeks for the results…..Anyway long story short, my little girl is doing well .With with all her therapies and feeding problems she is a normal energetic kid…… We are so blessed, Have never looked back and keep moving forward:)

These pics are 18 months post partum
7 year old girl
3 year old girl
18 month old boy

3 Months Postpartum – 2nd Pregnancy (Rachel)

Bonnie (SOAM) Back, Belly, Breasts, Butt, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Update 15 Comments

Original entries here and here.

Since I already have belly pics from both my first and second pregnancy on this site, these are all postpartum. As always, I welcome emails at rachelsigfried@yahoo.com. I’d also like to give a special thanks to Bonnie for blessing us with this site.

~Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~How far postpartum you are: 3 months

My Dream Came True (SCS)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Butt, Cesarean, Child Loss, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 20 Comments

Age: 29
Number of pregnancies: 2
Births: 1
Childs age: 2yrs

First I want to say I love this site. I just wish this site had more true plus size women. So I am posting my pics. I have always wanted children but was told I would probably have trouble getting pregnant due to an upturned cervix. I always told myself that if I never got pregnant before age 27 that I didn’t want any. I felt any after I would be too old. After seeing the movie facing the giants, I finally said, “ok God, if I never have any children I will be fine.” And I gave up on my dream. In March of 2007 I found out I was pregnant. I was thrilled, especially when I turn 27 in July, it was rather funny.

I had a wonderful pregnancy, my feet got swollen but other than that it was perfect. I went to all the classes, read all the books. Of course the 2 things I didn’t read on was cesareans and bottle feeding. I knew I was going to do it natural and breastfeed. At exactly 40 weeks, I went into labor on Monday November 12th 2007. I had been waking up during the night but I wasn’t sure what from. When my boyfriend woke up at 6 to get ready for work, I still didn’t realize what was happening. It wasn’t until he left that I realized what was happening every 30 minutes. At 7:30 I called him telling him to come home I was 10 minutes apart. by the time he got home at 9 I was 7 minutes apart. He laughed at me all the way to the hospital. I remember just trying to breathe. nothing special just breathe. oh it hurt. By the time I got to the hospital I was 5 minutes apart. An hour later they broke my water and I was 2 minutes apart. by 12:30 I couldn’t take anymore I finally got an epidural. at 2 the docs came in and said the baby’s heart rate dropped and they started prepping me for a cesarean. I broke down and cried. At 2:24 my sweet little boy was born. So there was one thing I wasn’t prepared for. Then I tried breast feeding my son, on the day I was suppose to leave the hospital the nurse told me I would have to bottle feed my son. I cried yet again. My milk never came in, even after a week of having my son, nothing. So here I was with watermelon boobs (granted I was always had huge boobs) and they were completely worthless to me. I couldn’t even feed my baby.

Almost 2 years later and I want another child. About a month ago I found out I was pregnant again. I was so happy. On Monday November 2nd I lost my baby. Right now I am numb. I cried a lot that Monday but so far I haven’t been able to mourn like I should.

All in all I’m ok with my body. I am at least 50lbs more than I want to be. My stretch marks don’t bother me because I had them before I got pregnant, so I knew I’d get them. What bothers me most is my double chin and I have no clue how to get rid of that. the pics of me are from 2006 before I got pregnant, my belly pic at 37 weeks, and me at 22months pp right before I found out I was pregnant again.

Updated here.

It’s not easy the third time around, when your 38 years old! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Complications in Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Piercing, Postpartum, Preemie, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 31 Comments

When I found out I was pregnant in May of 2008 I was thrilled! I was 37 years old, and by husband was 49. We both have children from previous marriages. I had a 15 year old son, and a 12 year old son, and my stepson was 9 years old.

We had just celebrated our 5 year anniversary in Las Vegas, and…Well, what happens in Vegas didnt stay there! We were not using any form of birth control, and hadnt for 5 1/2 years. We initially had wanted to try to have a baby, but after 3 years of it not happening, we assumed it wouldnt. I thought it was for the best anyway, because I have VERY difficult pregnancies, and felt it was a blessing I had been able to carry my two sons as long as I had. Both of my boys were born early, at 31, and 33 weeks. They were 4lbs 3 oz, and 4 lbs12 oz at birth.

I have what is called a dildelphys uterus, wich actually means I have two completely seperate uterus, and they are each half the size of a normal uterus, making me go into labor early. The first time I went into labor it was at 29 weeks, and I was in the hospital till my son was born 2 weeks later. With my second pregnancy I started having contractions once at 23 weeks, and then badly at 26 weeks, and had to be on bedrest and on a home monitor & trebutaline pump till 33 weeks, going in and out of the hospital several times for short stays, till they just couldnt stop the labor any longer.

Early on with this pregnancy I found out that this baby was in the “left” uterus, when both of my boys had been in the “right” uterus. This was bad, because the doctors beleive that with each pregnancy the uterus stretches a little more, and since this one was brand new, we didnt know if maybe it was smaller & I wouldnt be able to carry as long. Everything was unknown all over again.

I could tell early on, at about 16 weeks that things were going to be tough, because that is when I started noticing contractions. I was constantly drinking tons of water & laying down till it seemed things would settle down. My doctor was more optomistic then I, and I think he and my husband ( not having gone through this with me before) all thought I was over reacting or imagining things.

I found out in September 09 I was having a girl, and was THRILLED. it was the answer to my prayers! I had been told during my first pregnancy that my son was a girl ( Oops! YES…ultra sound techs make mistakes, and I had THREE ultra sounds in late pregnancy & no one caught the error!) so I had been so shocked when I had a boy, I had thought for years I would only have my two sons. I was also happy it was a girl because they always say girls do better when born prematurely, and I needed all the help we could get!

I only got to be overjoyed for a few weeks before the contractions kicked in pretty badly. At a routine exam at 21 weeks I told the doctor after an uneventful visit that before I left I wanted to hook up to their monitor & check for contractions because I kept feeling an odd tightening sensation in my abdomen . He allowed me to do so, and seemed like he was just doing it to give me peace of mind. After 15 minutes of monitoring & insane contractions showing, he looked pale & sent me immedialty to the hospital, where I was given shots of trebutaline and after about 8 hours was allowed to go home. The next day I got my trebutaline pump & home monitor again. I was on total bedrest from 21 weeks, and only allowed up for doctors visits, to shower & use the bathroom. It was tough going through that, but thankfully since my other kids were older they were somewhat able to help out, and we all managed ok. At 26 weeks I started bleeding quite badly & rushed to the hospital, to stay for 2 weeks while they tried to figure out what was going on. They guessed it was placenta abruption, though there were no signs of an abruption on the ultra sounds. I was so scared going back home that something terrible would happen & I woiuldnt get to the hospital on time, and after that I was not ever tempted to get up again or do anything but lay around. Needless to say, 2 1/2 months of inactivity turned my once nice muscle to mush, and I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy, much of it at the end because I was just laying around eating non-stop. I wanted to make my baby big & strong & ate tons of everything healthy, and quite a bit of some not so healthy stuff!

The day I turned 33 weeks I was celebrating because the next day would be the longest I had ever carried a pregnancy. When I went to the bathroom there was the teeniest amount of spotting, and I couldnt believe it could happen to the day it had before! My husband took me to the hospital to be monitored, but I wasnt having many contractions, so after a few hours they were ready to send me home. Suddenly my daughters heart took a dive, and several nurses rushed in & gave me oxygen. They thought maybe she had just been on the cord, but said I should spend the night so they could continue to monitor the baby to make sure it didnt happen again.

It was the longest day and night ever! My babies heart continued to slow to 50 beats a minute several times, causing chaos with the nurses making me roll back & forth & get up on my hands and knees trying to move the baby off of the cord. They made me use a bedpan because every time I got up to use the restroom when I came back & hooked up her heart beat was dropping. I had to be on oxygen all night. At midnight they came in & explained that if it happened one more time they were going to do a crash c-section & told me how they would put a tube down my throat to put me out & that the baby would be out within 2 minutes. I was so scared! My husband had gone home to the other kids, and the nurses promised if they took me to surgery they would call him immedialty.

Strangely enough once they said “if it happens one more time” I had no other issues. That is, till 8:00 am. My husband had just gotten there & was with me when it started. They didnt rush me to surgery like I expected, but rather called my doctor & kept trying to figure out what to do. It happend about 4 more times before the “big one”. The last time the babies heart didnt come back up, and about 7 nurses ran into the room. They were ripping my clothes off & putting a new gown on me, and tossing me from one gurney to another, and before I knew what was happening I was whisked down the hall. Thankfully they didnt have to put me out, so I was awake & aware the moment my daughter was born via c-section at 12:00 on 12-16-2008. She was beautiful & cried like a regular newborn at birth. She was 4 pounds 7 ounces, and so healthy all she needed was a few puffs of oxygen at birth. She was never placed in an incubator, and was in my room with me the last 2 days of my 4 day stay in the hospital. EVERYONE said she had to be more then 33 weeks along, but me and my doctor knew better, because he had done ultasounds at 5, 6 & 8 weeks, and said there is no way she was further along. He also said he had never seen a baby so premature do this well immedialty. She came home 5 days after she was born, and did not need an apnea monitor. It was amazing.

So….That’s the long story…it makes me so happy just thinking about it. What doesnt make me happy is the battle I have had since trying to loose that 40 pounds I put on!
I am 5’10 so I didnt look huge pregnant, and did not get any stretch marks. That is the positive. The negative is that my skin, being 38 years old is stretched out pretty bady & not returning to normal! It has taken so much longer to loose the weight this time too. I work out like a mad women, and do bootcamp classes 2 times a week, plus tons of cardio, and worked out for 3 1/2 months with a trainer as well. Sometimes at 3-4 months post partum I would get up at 2:30 an, feed the baby, put her back to bed & go to Golds gym & work out from 3:30 am to 5:00, then come home & go back to bed!

I couldnt stand the way I looked, and the feel of my skin sagging on my belly was awful. It didnt feel like I was inside my own body, but somebody elses nasty
stretched out fat body. It was tuff! I am still not sure why or how I went to the gym like that in the middle of the night! It all seemed like I was dreaming while I did it. Once I got down to 8 pounds to my prepregancy weight it was easier to live with myself, and I stopped THAT insanity…though I still work out 4-5 days a week.

I am 11 months post partum now, and still have 4 pounds to loose. The loose skin is still pretty bad on my abdomen, but I guess I can live with it. I went to a surgeon who told me he would suggest a tummy tuck, not just lipo, because of all of the extra skin I have. I have to believe that I am still slowly returning to normal, and a hip to hip scar would be so much more horrible then my c-section scar! I don’t mind it, because It reminds me of the moment my daughter was born.

So….I am 38 years old,
Mom of 3..ages 16, 14 & 11 months.
5′ 10 and 134 lbs.

I know it was all worth it, and certainly don’t mind working hard to “get my body back”, but I see now that what I was doing so soon after the birth of my baby was obsesive.

I just want to be happy with my daughter & not be so focused on something as shallow as what my belly will look like in a bikini…or trying to keep up with the other 20 somethings I know who have all bounced back faster & more easily.

The pictures I attached are of me at 30 weeks, before pregnancy, 32 weeks, and now, 11 months pp.

The new body that my son gave me (“Anonymous”)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 14 Comments

Age: 18
1 pregnancy, 1 birth
6 weeks postpartum
Teen mom

Me and my sons father were together for 8 months when I knew he was the one I wanted to spend my life with, despite our age difference (I was 16 he was 21) we were madly in love with each other. He never pressured me into doing anything that I wasn’t comfortable with. When I was good and ready, I chose for him to be the one I gave my love to. We used protection maybe 5 times and after that it was just very uncomfortable and painful I never got use to them (condoms). My parents and his parents have a good history together practically best friends but one day when I didn’t come home, I was kicked out of my home, but he was there with open arms as were his parents. Our parents talked and even though it was hard my mother let her last baby leave the nest. Me and my parents are very close and we have unconditional endless love for each other. Ok back to us…we lived with his parents for a short time and then moved into a place of our own. We had unprotected sex for a whole year until we decided to have a baby :) January of 2009 I took 3 pregnancy test and all three were positive, we were both so happy and overwhelmed we didn’t hesitate to spread the news. Both our parents were filled with joy and supported us all the way. I delivered a beautiful baby boy September 2009, I had a great delivery with no complications what so ever. I had no idea what it felt to be a mother until they brought my little man and I held him for the first time, it was love at first site yet again. Before I was pregnant I weighed 150 pounds I’m 5’9 so I didn’t look bad at all but for the whole year that me and my boyfriend lived together I went from 150 to 185 :( sad i know. I still didn’t look so bad and I actually liked the way I looked at 185, for the first time I was actually kinda curvy. The day of delivery I weighed over 250 pounds I wasn’t so surprised since I ate everything in site when I was pregnant. I left the hospital probably about 15 pounds lighter and with a belly full of stretch marks, today I’m 6 weeks postpartum and 200 pounds so I lost a couple pounds yay :) I thank this site for helping me cope with my new body, us women have such a special power, we bring breathing, crying, kicking, screaming life into this world and we should be proud. Here are a few pictures of me before pregnancy during and after. I’ve also included a picture of my uneven boobs that look awful but I would go through this all over again just to see my beautiful son every day. Thank you every one and god bless :)

Acceptance Achieved (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Poetry, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 5 Comments

As a teen
I hated my body
Too thin, so ugly
No breasts, no hips, no butt
I longed for curves
I cried

As a first time mother
I hated my body
Still too thin
But now with stretch marks
I longed for smooth skin
I cried

As a second time mother
I hated my body
Mores stretch marks
And now a saggy tummy
I longed for my teen body
I cried

As a third time mother
I hated my body
I finally gained weight
But in all the wrong places
I longed to feel beautiful
I cried

Now, finally, as a woman
I decide to love my body
Accept motherhood’s curves and
Enjoy the shape given to me
By my three beautiful children
I smile