Breasts

My body has been destroyed, and I’ll have nothing to show for it. (Michelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Legs, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom

Age – 18
Number of pregnancies – 1

I’ve been on this site countless times, reading other women’s stories because I am trying to cope with how much my body is changing, and have been debating for months now on whether to post my story or not. Well, it’s a bit long, but here goes!

I was 17 and a senior in high school when I found out I was pregnant, and had only been sexually active for less than two months. THAT’S IT. I’ve always been the good girl in my class and people have disliked me for it, because for some reason to them it was disgraceful that I didn’t do drugs, drink, party, or have sex. I’d never even had a boyfriend before the man who got me pregnant. My boyfriend and I were very much in love, and knew we would be together for a long time because we had endured a long-distance relationship for the longest time, but nevertheless, I am having the most difficult time dealing with him during this pregnancy.

I am currently almost 38 weeks pregnant with a baby boy that we are giving up for adoption to a wonderful couple that has tried to have a child for over ten years. This wasn’t my original plan, however. A week after my mom found out I was pregnant she drove me two hours away to have an abortion. I knew that there was no possible way I could parent this child or deal with the emotional aftermath of giving them up for adoption, so for me abortion was the best decision. At the clinic, however, they told me I was 15 weeks along and to have an abortion would be a two-day procedure. Obviously, we’d have to set up another appointment and come back later, much to my mother’s disappointment. She was pretty enraged by the whole situation.

After coming back home and talking it over with my boyfriend, he told me that he wanted to go through with an adoption. “Great!” I thought. Because I would be staying pregnant, all of my plans for the next year would be put on hold. A selfish thought, I know. I also thought that my belly would grow, I’d give birth, and then the whole ordeal would be over with.

I was very wrong.

Even though I haven’t eaten nearly enough to gain so much weight, it’s in my genetics to gain incredible amounts of weight during pregnancy. Pre-pregnancy I was a tiny, cute girl weighing 125 and standing at 5’ 7”, now I weigh 217 and I haven’t even given birth yet. My in-between 34 B- C boobs have gone to a 40 DD, I have acne all over my face, my back, and my chest when I didn’t have acne at all before, I have a disgusting amount of new moles and freckles EVERYWHERE, and I have deep, purple stretch marks all over my boobs, stomach, sides, butt, the tops and backs of my thighs as well as on my inner thighs, and behind my knees and on my calves. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I’m constantly in pain. Some days I can’t even get out of bed because I will be sobbing from the pain my body is in. My feet and face swell constantly to where they don’t look human anymore.

And on top of the physical changes I have to deal with, I have to deal with this emotional roller coaster of giving my baby up for adoption. Just after typing that sentence I began to cry! I find myself crying constantly now, and I don’t have support from ANYONE. I haven’t left my house (except to dr appts) in over five months because I am so ashamed of myself; my body and my decision. I spend every day in my room with only the company of my kitten, Sophie. In a day I talk to her more than I will talk to another human being in two weeks. I still live at home, and my family constantly makes remarks about my weight or the stretch marks or the acne, it’s just always something. They make fun of me. They criticize me for my choice. They talk about me when they don’t think I can hear them. And to top it all off, my boyfriend is, to put blatantly, being a butt. He is so rude to me, and even went as far as to say that he wished this wasn’t happening. HELLO! You’re the one that decided this! He tells me that my stretch marks “better be gone within a few months” and that he doesn’t even want to be in the delivery room with me when I’m in labor. I feel like I am dealing with this pregnancy all by myself, and to tell the truth, I am. No one ever offers to help me do anything. I almost 10 months pregnant and I’m still cleaning an entire house in which six people and three cats live in by myself.

I feel the kicks and movements of my baby all by myself, because there is no one to share this joy with. I wanted an abortion because I didn’t want me and my baby to deal with this lifelong choice and the effects it will have on us. I already am extremely depressed, and I know that postpartum it will only be multiplied. I still haven’t decided if I want to meet my baby after he is born, because frankly I don’t know if I can handle it.

I just turned 18; my body has been destroyed and after the grueling hours of labor I won’t even be holding the beautiful baby boy I created and nurtured for nine months. So it almost feels like I’ve done all of this for nothing.

I would have posted a picture of my entire body, but I don’t have anyone willing to take one for me so these will have to do.

Pic #1 is pre-pregnancy. (Excuse the dazed look, I was listening to someone jabbering)
Pic #2 is of my swollen feet
Pic #3 is of the stretch marks on my left inner-thigh
Pic #4 is of my side view

Updated here.

Was it All Worth it? (Emily)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Adoption, Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Teen Mom 16 Comments

Age-20
Number of pregnancies-2, One birth, One abortion
Post Partum 4 years

My story starts at the age of 15. I met my first love at my sophomore Homecoming Dance. I was dancing with a guy friend of his when he came up and starting talking to us. I immediately thought he was cute. He was two years older which also apealed to me. We danced and at the end of the dance i got his number. We started dating a week later and i lost my virginity to him 4 days after we started dating. I was very naive to have sex so soon. He used protection at first but after awhile we stopped. We were very much in love or atleast at the time we thought so. After dating for a litlle over 2 months i found out i was pregnant. I actually found out when i went to the doctor with my mom to get on the pill. I was very upset by this but i had my family and my boyfriends support. We considered abortion but ended up not doing it and we decided to give the baby up. As the months progressed we started feeling the baby move and decided we couldn’t part with him or her. We soon found out it was a she and were very excited. My boyfriend was great and spent every minute with me that he wasn’t working. We decided before she was born to name her Isabelle Corrin. I was 102lbs and 5’3 before i got pregnant and by the time i had her i was 148lbs. I got strethc marks everywhere and being young and naive i thought they would just disapear after she was born. She was born on September 15th 2006. The next two months were miserable. Her father and I split up temporarily and there was complete chaos. After a month and a half of trying to be parents we realized we weren’t fit to be parents yet. I was 16 and he was 18 and we weren’t accomplishing our goals and we were both very depressed. We told our family we were going to give her up for adoption and of course they were upset. We were as well because we did love our daughter. We ended up giving her up legally to her fathers aunt and uncle who already had 3 children and were great parents. That was final in March 07, but we handed her over to them in November 06. In december of 06 my boyfriend and the babies father joined the National guard. And with the stress of the adoption and fear for him having to deploy i packed back on the 20lbs i had lost right after the birth. When he left for basic in June of 07 i was 142lbs i worked hard over the 4 months he was gone to get down to 130. It wasn’t easy for me to lose weight and i wish i would have lost more that summer. Over the next two years i stayed around that weight and was very insecure and that caused alot of problems with my ex and i. We ended up breaking up around our 3 year anniversary. After the break up i lost 10lbs and was at 120lbs. I was very happy with how i looked and for months i maintained that weight until i got pregnant by a guy i had been serious with for 4 months. I was pregnant 9 weeks before i had an abortion and ended up gaining 10lbs in that 9 weeks. So once again i was really insecure. Ended up staying with that guy for 5 more months after the abortion until i met my wonderful fiance. He is great and i love him so much! But i still struggled with my insecuriets even though he always gave me compliments. Took me like 10 months into our relationship to actually feel confident. I lost 17lbs and got down to my lowest weight of 113. I am now 115-117 depending on the week of my cycle. I still have some insecurities but not as much. I am going to start exercising to tone up my body more in these next 8 months my fiance is deployed. We have lived together for the last year and been together 15months. I love him to death and hope he comes home safelly. He will finally be out of the guard when he returns.

Your First Home (Proudmama)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions, Update 23 Comments

Previous entry here.

I didn’t intend on updating so soon, but something happened that I wanted to share.

First of all I come here regularly because I feel like I’m a part of something when I read your stories. Some of your stories I relate to more than others, some stories make me want to cry because I either want to reach through the computer and hug you or because I can’t believe how beautiful you are, and if you don’t like your body, what would you think of mine…

It’s been a tough couple of months on a lot of different levels and I feel that although I’m still losing weight and inches, it only makes my skin sag and “hang” more. But I do feel healthier so that’s gotta count for something.

But here’s what I wanted to share with you, to reminds all of us of what really matters.

The other day I was sitting on the floor and playing with my daughter (who will already turn 1 year old very soon and is starting to walk) and I found myself wanting to cry at the sight of the roll of belly fat hanging in front of me. I was pinching the skin and moving it around distractingly. My daughter walked over and kneeled down next to me and put her little hand on my belly and she pat it lovingly. I looked up into those big blue eyes and that big gap toothed grin of hers and I did find myself crying, but not of sadness. I couldn’t believe that almost a year ago, this little girl was resting inside of me, kicking her little heels eager to come out. And now there she was, walking and smiling and caressing my belly from the outside.

That night I opened the baby book that I’d been too busy to pay attention to and found the section titled Your First Home. There I pasted three pictures, one of before I got pregnant, one of my big pregnant belly and the third one of my belly in its current state, and underneath I started writing:

“The first picture is of Your First Home before you moved in. It’s like a brand new house with new furniture that still has the paint and new carpet smell. Sure it looks good but you’re afraid to touch anything for fear of breaking something and it doesn’t feel like you home.

The second picture represents all those years you spent in that house, molding it to your liking making changes, building memories. Sometimes it gets cluttered and messy and crowded and it might have lost that brand new house appeal but it smells homely and it’s comforting.

That last picture is like a beloved house after you’ve decided to move out because it doesn’t suit your needs anymore. You say goodbye to it with a heavy heart but you know that you need to move on. Who knows, it might just suit somebody else one day. Before you leave though, you take a good look at it. A brand new house it isn’t anymore. The paint is chipping, the carpets are dirty. To a casual by-stander it might not look that great, but you know better. That house is beautiful to you because it has been lived in. Laughter has echoed in its wall, maybe some tears have been shed too, but mostly it’s Love that you can feel in its foundation.

My dear daughter, when I look at this belly that was you very first home, I smile. Every line, every wrinkle, every mark is there because you decided to choose me to be your mommy. Maybe one day I will give you a brother or a sister and they too will leave their own personal story on my belly. And I hope that one day, if you so desire, you will be blessed with a baby of your own and that you too will have the privilege of becoming someone’s First Home.”

Your bellies might be scared, deformed and wrinkled but they were your precious children’s first home and that’s something to be thankful for. It doesn’t make everything better I know, but it puts things in perspective.

Thank you for allowing me to share.

Peace to you and yours

~Proudmama

Pictures are 11.5 months postpartum.

Updated here and here.

Tied to the Past (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

~Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 years

I’ve only had one child,only one, she may be the most amazing little girl I’ve ever seen but where did I go?

I gained 40 lb.s with her birth and then kept gaining after that. Her father and I split up when she was a year old and then I became a new to school, freshly back to work, single mom at 21! She’s grown and blossomed and become such a beautiful big girl now. I’ve withered and hated myself sooo much for every year she’s loved herself. The depression and the agony just made the over eating worse. So I got the lap band and did really well for awhile,for awhile.

Then the depression came back in and ate me up inside and I kept eating,stopped exercising.

Excuses,excuses,always, what a weakling I am. I cannot look at my naked body in the mirror without crying. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A 25 YEAR OLD!!

I see older women at work all the time who have paid in the their bodies for their many children and I cry. Why am I at that stage when I am ONLY 25? I have ONLY had one child. I cannot let my boyfriend see me naked with the lights on, I cannot let my daughter see me in the shower. I disgust myself and I’m so tired of hating who I am.

The Nonexistant Dating and Sex Life of a Single Mom (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 31 Comments

Age: 23
Pregnancies: 1
Births:1
My Daughters Age: 3

I had my daughter at the age of 19 a month away from my 20th so I guess I should say I had her as a “Teen”

Her dad and my relationship was a rocky one but I stuck it out because I didn’t want my daughter growing up without her dad, we where together for about 4yrs. I endured a lot of verbal abuse Until…I found out almost a year ago today her dad had a secret relationship throughout ours with his sisters best friend which was also a friend of mines. They now live together in our old home while am back cramped sleeping on the floor at my mothers.

He is very much a part of his daughter’s life & a loving dad. We get along here and there but its mostly just 4 the baby. There’s not an actual friendship. He has told me numerous of times “he wishes I would die so he can have custody of his daughter and live a happy family with his girlfriend”

What I endured with him seems to have soaked in my brain and friends say I am carrying that pain although am not with him anymore. When we will get into arguments the first things he would say where how “Nasty my saggy breast, cellulite legs, acne face & stretch marked stomach where”. He would also say “no one will ever want me” to the point I couldn’t even look in a mirror and think i looked pretty.

Our sex life pretty much sucked i always thought it was him because he never cared to please me it was just bend over or give me “H**d” but all the while it was because he was getting it elsewhere and thought how nasty my body was.

I haven’t as much as dated ONE person in the past year not because I don’t want to because no one seems to be interested in me after I had my daughter. I go out with friends constantly but no one seems to hit on me the times i have tried to step out of my comfort zone & approach someone I am shutdown or never called back even if they don’t know I am a mother (being that women with kids sometimes scare a man off)

Before I had my daughter i would be scared to walk the streets alone because I would constantly be harassed and told how beautiful I was. NOW I don’t get as much as a head turn.

As much as i want to start dating again it hits me one day or another we will have to sleep together and although my daughters dads constant rants of how nasty my body is plays a part in how i feel I can’t help to agree I HAVE A MIRROR i see all that he pointed out.

I am so lonely and just have shut myself out from life. I am only 23 and shouldn’t have to feel this way.
I don’t regret my daughter and the body I have after her, i just wish i can take back the person i had her with because one thing I noticed from a lot of the posts where how many of you have supporting husbands to tell them how beautiful they where.

I just want to be comfortable in my own skin one day

When I look at some girls that complain about their bodies I can understand where they come from but is still not as bad as me, like ok yeah your boobs are saggy but you can wear shorts! Yeah you have cellulite but you can wear a tube top without a bra or yeah you have a little stretch marks but at least you’re inner thighs are not filled with dark parks and constant boils. I can’t do any of these

As much as I wish i can go back to my old days my 3 year old is WORTH EVERY BIT OF IT. It’s just very lonely when its 8pm and she’s a sleep on a Saturday night. In the mist of my ranting she has awoken and I even forgot what I was going on about! & that’s why she makes it worthwhile.

(In the pictures I posted b4 baby and after baby. The grey marks are from holistic treatment strips I removed b4 picture for weight loss which have not worked )

I hope someone out there can relate to my post as well as my body

Final Update (Jeanne)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

My daughter is now 18 months and I never thought I would feel the way I do about my body as I do now. I love my body now more than before I had a child. I love the way my hips have widened…I just feel more feminine and like I have a right to have these curves. I don’t even mind my fading stretch marks :) I have lost 37 lbs since January. I am now 137 and 5’9″ and just very happy with everything in my life including my body finally!

Finding a Body that I Love (Quila)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 8 Comments

I was very excited when I ran into this website while surfing the web at work! I’m having a very bad experience with my post baby body. I’m 21 years of age, a full-time student, and I work a full-time job(life). I was never a “skinny girl”, but I have also never been at the point where I am now. To be honest my biggest issue is my stomach. I describe it to others as having extra skin from pregnancy. Having a stomach like this has ruined my life. Normally I am a very self confident girl, but now I can honestly say that in my opinion things have truly changed for the worst. My stomach hangs down, almost touching my vagina. Is this normal, or is there something wrong with me? Should I see a doctor about this? If so what type of doctor? I’m 18 months pp, just so that we are on the same page. I have never really been the “active” type. The last time that I have ever exercised was in the 9th grade (7years ago). I understand that now is the time to gradually start. My goal weight is 140 pounds. My pre-pregnancy weight was about 190 pounds, post pregnancy I was 253. My current weight is somewhere in the 230’s. My question is… What do I need to do in order to get rid of this saggy stomach. I don’t want a “six pack”, which I don’t mind having, but I also don’t want this extra stomach! It is humiliating. My extra large shorts don’t fit, my pants fold down under the stomach. Things have gotten to a point where I not only look pregnant, but I also look sloppy! This is a very sensitive, and depressing topic for me, as I like a lot of other moms am not used to the sudden body change. HELP!! I love my daughter to death, and I would not trade her for the best body, or for all of the money in the world. I just hope that it is not to late for me. I cannot afford tummy tucks, and Liposuctions. I’m not going to focus this post on how sorry I feel for myself, and how miserable I am, because I’m not completely sure that I really feel that way at all. I guess that I just needed a place to come for help. I hate the love handles, the fat face, and the bloated feeling I get after eating. I went from clothing size 11-12 to a 16/18-20. What is my body going through? I feel upset with myself, because it’s kind of like I had no progress at all with this, and after 18 months I still find myself “unhappy” with who I am! Of course my husband calls me beautiful, but it doesn’t help if I really do not feel the same way about myself. I want change for me, I want to be able to run, and wear bikini’s again! Life is hard enough being the sole provider of the family, but it really sucks when you’re unhappy with yourself! I did not have a C- section, I had a vaginal birth. I’ve never had the saggy, or bloated stomach before. Most of my weight was in my hips, and thighs (Toned). What should I do guys?

~Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy/ 1 vaginal birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 18 month old Daughter

4 Weeks PP (Heather)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

Pregnancies and births: 1
1 month old son Gabriel

Hello SOAM. This is my first entry. My name is Heather and I am 4 weeks pp.

All in all I had a very smooth ride with my pregnancy and labor and delivery. I was in early labor for 3 days.The night before I had my son I went to the hospital because I was SURE I was in labor. They basically told me I was nuts and sent me packin lol. Well after a horrible night of powerful back contractions I went to my OB appt the next morning, only to be told I actually WAS in labor and I was 5cm dialated. I knew it lol. From the time I was admitted to birth was 5hrs. I pushed for 10 minutes and my son was born.

I have never had a perfect body. I was never super thin and I have always had issues with my weight and stretch marks due to growing quickly when I was younger. But I never expected this. My husband tells me I am beautiful everyday, but how can he find this beautiful? If I don’t think it is how can he? I suppose I might be being a little dramatic but I am very unhappy with my body now.I am not trying to be unrealistic and I know in time it will get better, after all I am only a month pp. I just hope it does. I am currently 12lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight, which is something that made me smile today :). I just hope it all gets better. At least I gained a wonderful son out of this ;)

It’s Not the Same Body, But it’s Fine By Me (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 22 Comments

Pre-pregnancy weight: 107
Labor weight: 160
Post-pregnancy weight: 104

I am posting because this site helped me so much. I came here mourning the body I used to have and wondering if I’d ever get it back.

The answer is: it’s not the same body, but in some ways it’s better.

I first came here in despair. I’d gained nearly 60 lbs. through pregnancy; over half my body weight. I was terrified. I’d never been overweight. My body was alien to me and I was scared of losing my husband because I did not remotely resemble myself. Though he would never leave me, my husband is the kind of man to whom physical appearance is very important. When I asked him, six weeks post-partum, when we were going to have sex again, he said: “When you lose the pregnancy weight.” Yes, I gave him hell, and yes he regrets saying it. But that really devastated me.

When nursing didn’t work, it dawned on me I had at least 45 lbs to lose without breastfeeding. I was so ashamed of my body. I hated it. I destroyed every photo of pregnancy and new-motherhood, except the one you see below. I wish I had them now, because I am secure enough to view it. I am not that woman.

Over the course of a year, I lost it all, plus some. I ran an hour every night, five days a week. It helps that I love to run! I did hand weights, yoga, pilates. Ate the food pyramid (www.mypyramid.gov). Today, I weigh my high-school weight. It really took the full year. For those post-partum like me, who are wondering how much can be changed, I cannot get my body back exactly as it was. I think the reason is loose skin from excessive weight gain. I will always have a pooch above the scar and I will always have some crepe paper skin when I bend. I will also, from time to time, always have the niggling voice that erodes my self confidence because my body is not that of a virgin! The smooth, flat tummy is gone. I can say with confidence that I have tried everything. Only a tummy tuck would change this, and I don’t want one. My body, to me (when I am rational!), is just fine. I can rock any outfit I want, including a bikini, and the stretch marks have completely faded. I am stronger than ever, our sex life is better than before, and we have an amazing boy. If I could say anything to new moms whose posts I read here, every day, I would say: Try. Even if you fail, you may really like what you end up with. I absolutely love my body and don’t regret a thing. Thank you to the moms who helped comfort and inspire me!

Age: 34
No. of pregnancies and births: 1/1
Age of children: 17 months

Photos: 3rd Trimester; Weight Loss 14 months PP; Pooch, Scar and Crepe Paper

Upset With My Body at 21 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 15 Comments

Hello everyone!! Im so glad I found this site where I can post pictures of my body and no one will be negative about it. After 9 long months I reached 38 weeks and nothing…No contractions, Cervix was closed, So on my 40th week appoiment My doctor gave me and iduction date. However a few days before my induction date I had a appoiment to check on the babys heartbeat. Her heartbeat started slowing down everyfew mins…I went so down that nurse quickly sent me to Labor and delivery. There, I started calling family and telling them. Doctors did a few different things with me to speed up the process. However my cervix didnt go past 3centimeters. They decided to wait a bit longer….They gave me the epidural and told me to try to sleep for a while. I fell asleep for like 5mins and all of a sudden like 5 or 6 doctors rushed into my room saying the babys heartbeat dropped really low and they moved me into different positions to get the baby to move. I was taken out the room by bed and was told I needed an Emergency C-section…As I was being brought into the Csection room I stated feeling cold, So cold that I started shaking a lot. I felt dizzy and felt like my body was just leaving…I started throwing up….About 30 minuted later my baby was out my stomach. I however didnt felt any better to hold her. I was shaking a lot and they cover me with blankets but that didnt worked…As soon as I saw my daughter I felt like I didnt want her, like I didnt loved her…I was taken into recovery room and I felt like crying, I really didnt feel like a mom because I believed my body failed since I wasnt able to give birth.. Even after being sent home I still felt like I wanted my baby.. I cried all the times because I didnt feel an attachment towards her…I wanted my baby delivered vaginally and wasnt able…Now Im 3 weeks PP and I feel so close to my babygirl….I love her dearly..Now my problem is my body..I hate it…I feel like my boobs have sagged a bit.. I think one is bigger thanthe other…I hate my strechmarks….and most of all I hate how my stomach hangs over my csection….I just hope im able to exercise all this away…..Thanks everyone…..

21..Age..
First pregnancy..
3 weeks PP