Breasts

5 Weeks Postpartum and I No Longer Believe in Genetic Destiny (Kat)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Sexual Abuse/Violence, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

Age: 21
Number of pregnancies/births: 2 pregnancies/1 birth
Age of baby/how far postpartum: 5 weeks

I was born short and fat, and stayed that way for my entire childhood and teen years. I started middle school at 4’10” and 160lbs. Both of my parents, as well as most of my family in general, are overweight, my mother having hypothyroidism. Weight was always a sensitive issue for me. Growing up seeing my mother complain about she looked and how much she weighed, it made it hard for me. And then when I started middle school it went further downhill, as I was the awkward fat girl that was pushed around and teased for her weight.

By my sophomore year of high school, I had developed anorexia in a desperate attempt to be accepted by my peers. I managed to get down to 125 pounds at 5’2″ but I still felt fat, and being a size 6/8 was too big in my opinion. When I would confide in my family or my doctors about my weight issues, they all stated that I was genetically predisposed to be fat, and that it was going to get worse if I ever had a baby. But even with all of my fears and anxieties over how I looked, I still wanted to be a mother more than anything else in my life.

My views on sexuality were very warped due to being molested by my father as a child and preteen, and being raped by a close friend when I was just barely 13. But I grew up believing that even if someone tries to take your virginity from you physically, it is not gone until you agree to give it away. This is where my first experience with my now husband came in.

We had first met as teenagers, I was 15 and he was 16. We were at his place of work, he was a referee for paintball(I went quite often with the guys I knew from being in band). We ended up being friends for a while, and then being the teenagers we were, our friendship led to sex. Unfortunately, we lost contact shortly after due to my getting a new phone and us going to different schools. But we were reconnected later when I moved out of my parents house and he came with a mutual friend to help me move my larger boxes and furniture. We ended up moving in together about a month after I had fully moved into the apartment myself. We were married shortly after this, and about 6 months after we got married I got pregnant with our little boy.

My pregnancy was an eventful one to say the least. I ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks due to severe bleeding caused by a horrible flair of my ulcerative colitis(which is like crohn’s but only in the colon and lower intestines). I was so scared I was going to lose the baby because of how much blood I had lost. But little guy was still healthy as ever, and my body seemed to give him what he needed before me, so while I suffered my baby was still safe. I ended up losing 15 pounds in the hospital even though I was eating 6 times a day, and the nurses panicked over this, but I was still able to walk so my doctors said not to worry.

But by the end of the pregnancy I had gone from 135 pounds to 180, and I gave birth by scheduled c-section to my 6lb 9oz son, Demetri at 39 weeks. Due to the infusions I have to have for my colitis, I am not able to breast feed, so I lost that experience, but have had no problems at all bonding with my baby and he is now 88% in height and 55% in weight, the exact opposite of me when I was his age.

I weighed 168 Pounds leaving the hospital on the 4th day. I was riddled with stretchmarks and figured, since I had a c-section, I was doomed to have a belly apron of extra skin for the rest of my life, and that I was going to stay as large as I was that day forever as well, taking after the rest of the women in my family. My doctors wrapped me in a compression belly band right after I was stitched up after the surgery, and having heard wonderful success stories about them I decided to wear it all the time until I was were I wanted to be with my postpartum body. So far the stretchmarks are less than half of what they were the day I gave birth, and the belly flap is nowhere to be seen. I give all of the credit for this to the belly band. I am currently down to 145 pounds at 5 weeks pp, have been able to fit my pre-prego jeans since week 3 with them fully buttoned and zipped, and I have been given the ok since week 4 to do light to moderate exercise when I feel good enough for it(which is at least every other day).

I have been doing flirty girl fitness(the dance aerobics ones) and belly dancing for almost 2 weeks now, and the results from it are mind blowing to me. I grew up with such a huge fear of being like everyone else in my family after giving birth, and now I have my little miracle and my body is getting into better shape than it has ever been before. I feel like the universe has granted the three biggest wishes I ever had, to be a mommy, to have a wonderful husband(who is very much a partner in life as well as a companion), and to have the body that I want instead of the body everyone else said I would have. I am currently finishing up in college and am looking to work as a dancer(no, not a stripper) to help bring in some money as I finish up my degree in education and psychology. I would like to be either become a marriage counselor or a sex therapist, as I have a deep rooted connection to the issues that come with a bad/troubled relationship(my parents) and the damage caused by sexual trauma and confusion due to the past. I feel like I have been given what I wanted and need, so I want to do the same for those who haven’t yet.

Pictures:
first 3 are my progression pictures so far, 4th one is my gorgeous little boy, and the 5th one is Demetri and his wonderful daddy :)

Updated here.

Sady

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

AGE:25
1 CHILD, 1 BIRTH, 14 MONTHS

when i first became pregnant the first thing i worried about was the fetus, as the pregnancy went on i worried about the high dose of vitamin A i was taking, then I worried about the low dose of folic acid i was consuming, then i worried about my small “bump”, then i worried about too much movement, not enough movement, fetal alcohol syndrom, if somehow i could give birth to an african american child and have no explanation since the father is Jewish, then i worried about dehydration, then i worried about losing amniotic fluid, THEN i wondered, “HOLY CRAP, what if my body never regains shape, and my vagina is forever a huge black hole, and my uterus falls out of my vagina after birth”. this is when i stumbled across this magnificent website. i saw bodies changed, i saw bodies unchanged, but what i’ve seen most of is how this whole process turn one woman into SUPER WOMAN, this is why i stay less focused on the actual shape i’m in and more focused on how much in shape i actually am, 20lbs over weight or 20lbs underweight, damn i am in shape, my mind has endured over a year of sleep deprivation, my breasts have been bitten and pulled like a chew toy, my sexual drive has gone from wow till null, till wow till null. and after all this i have more respect for mothers than ever imagined. and the shape im in is fantastic, its that of a mother. im sharing pictures, but tis less besides the point to me as ive stated. and when time are rough and your down on yourself just remember to give yourself time to heal, it take a full 18 months to fully recover form a pregnancy, honestly, breastfeed if you have the choice and enjoy your new family

The Evolution of a Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 17 Comments

~Age: 26
~Weight & Height: 5’2″-ish and 120-ish pounds (I hover)
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 years

Previous submissions:
5 months postpartum, 1 year postpartum, 2 years postpartum

I thought it was important to update my story for a number of reasons. For one, I’m no longer breastfeeding my daughter – I nursed her 2 1/2 years, so my breasts are quite different than in my previous submissions. Also, I found all of my previous posts, so I can link them all together. I think it’s important for them to be linked because, even at a year postpartum, I wasn’t the weight or size I am today. Our bodies keep changing. When I see ladies on this site in despair over their 8-week-postpartum bodies, I just wish I could give them that crystal ball and show them that it’s not static – not at all. Our bodies continue to change, morph, grow and shrink. You bet that I’m proud of my body! Of course there are things that keep me out of bikinis – my bottom for instance – but, I love what it’s done for me – and to me. I feel blessed to have a little one call me mom. I feel blessed that I was able to nurse my daughter. I feel blessed that we’re thinking about growing our family and I’m excited about all of the good things that lie ahead.

Updated here.

16 Weeks Later (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 26 Comments

age: 19
1 child

this is my first entry. its been 16 weeks since i gave birth and my body hasnt gone back the way i thought it would. my baby was 8lbs and 6 ounces. during my pregnancy i gained about 50 lbs and have almost lost it all but my body is just different now. even though ive lost almost all the weight im just different shaped, have extra skin, and sag in places i dont think a 19 year old should sag in. i didnt think my body would change this much with just one pregnancy, maybe with like 3 but not just one. during my pregnancy my boobs changed ALOT. they grew like crazy and the color of my nipples got really dark. everyone i talked to said the color goes back. mine didnt. they look awful and now my boobs are gross and saggy as well. i tried to breast feed but i just couldnt keep up with my baby. i have stretch marks all over my tummy and love handles and a bunch of gross extra skin on my stomach now too.i LOOVE my baby but its really hard seeing other girls my age with perfect bodies and knowing that mine is ruined for the rest of my life.

122710-anon-1

How my life has changed (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PUPPP Rash, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 27
Children: 1

I found this site about 3 years ago while having a hard time with my postpartum body.

I had always been thin and weighed about 103 lbs before pregnancy. During my pregnancy I gained about 50 lbs and also developed gestational diabetes. At 33 weeks I developed a rash referred to as PUPPS. It was a horrible itchy rash that spread all over my belly and on my thighs. The only choice I had was steroids or to deliver and it was too early to deliver. My baby’s health was most important to me. I took steroids to control the rash and began noticing that my “small” stretchmarks were becoming longer and wider. i later learned that steriods thin the skin. I am light complected and the marks looked hidesous. My stomach was so huge by 36 weeks. At 36 weeks and 2 days my darling daughter was born. She was healthy and beautiful.
I struggled for so long after that. My stomach stayed large for months and people still acknowledged me as pregnant. I finally got in gear and lost almost all of the pregnancy weight but have been left with the scars from the stretchmarks and a large amount of loose hanging skin. It is so much more apparent when I bend over and just hangs there. My breast also became very large during pregnancy. they also hang now.
I love my daughter so much and she is worth all of it yet I still feel so insecure about my body. I hate not being able to wear a swimsuit or a tighter shirt because of the form of my belly. If these changes came from one pregnancy, I have often worried what another would do to me…Although I long to have another child. I wish there was something i could do to tighten the skin other thean surgery.

Im glad to see a site where Mothers can share stories and support each other. Thank you.

122210-anon-1

Will I Ever Be Happy? (Renee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

Original entry here.

25
17 1/2 weeks postpartum
1 pregnancy, 1 birth

I am now almost 18 weeks postpartum, and have 7lbs of the 65lbs I gained left to lose. It seem I am stuck. But, I look absolutely nothing like I used to and it makes so depressed. No matter what I’m doing, it seems like I’m destined to still look a little pregnant. I know a lot of people say they have so much excess skin that they have to tuck it into their pants….and I’m happy I’m not like that. But I can’t tell if it’s all fat or all skin or what hanging on my tummy. I love my son and husband, but I hate myself. I’ve even done days where I’d eat one little meal and nothing else…I just don’t get it. Why does pregnancy have to do this to us?

Admitting It (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 28 Comments

I found out I was pregnant on Thanksgiving Day 2009. I just kind of knew, and I took a pregnancy test early that morning. I then ran to the store and took several more — all positive. My emotions were all over the place, as the father was someone I was only casually dating and I had no idea what his reaction would be. We had faithfully been using protection. I told him a few weeks later, and his reaction was not a good one. It became evident early on that he was choosing not to be involved. Though I regularly sent him updates during my pregnancy, we haven’t spoken in 10 months. So I settled into the reality that I was going to be a single mother, and struggled with the stigma that is unfortunately attached to that title. I suffered from depression throughout my pregnancy, but was carried through by an amazing support system of friends, my midwife and a social worker I had been seeing. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes around 24 weeks and struggled to control it with diet until the end of my pregnancy. Unfortunately, my blood sugar got out of control toward the end (this is typical of GD) and I was hospitalized and put on insulin. I stayed in the hospital the last two weeks of my pregnancy, and my daughter was born vaginally on July 20, 2010.

I’ve never been a petite woman, and I guess I have always technically been “plus-sized.” I was a size 16 pre-pregnancy and weighed around 210 lbs. I never really had issues with body image though — I liked my breasts and knew how to dress my body to feel attractive. I gained around 40 lbs during my pregnancy, and the last month or so stretch marks started to appear everywhere. They weren’t just on my belly, but on my sides, arms, thighs and breasts. They didn’t bother me at the time as all my focus was on trying to stay healthy enough to deliver a full-term baby (I was just over 37 weeks when she was born).

I’m now almost 4 months post-partum, and I’ve been lying to everyone concerning how I feel about my body. I’ve told people that I’m proud of my stretch marks, that my breasts are feeding my child so its ok that they are saggy, that I’ve accepted that my stomach hangs down and I’m fine with it. I’m not. Taking pictures for this submission was the first time I have stood fully naked in front of a mirror since having my daughter, and I hate what I see. I have stretch marks for days and if I sit down without a bra I can actually make my nipples touch my belly button! My belly is all fat and loose skin and it hangs down horribly. I have two pairs of sweatpants that I switch off, and that’s all I wear. If I wear fitted pants you can see the pooch of my belly and it just looks so awful. I haven’t worn “real” clothes in months. When I did try and buy some better fitting clothes I found that even a pair of size 20 jeans were too small. I couldn’t bring myself to try on the 22s. I make excuses to myself and everyone else that as a new single mother its my “right” to wear sweats as long as I want. I don’t want to. I have to.

Here is my biggest fear. I’ve never admitted it, but here it is. I don’t think that I’ll ever find a man who will be able to see me as anything other than “damaged goods.” I truly believe that, at 24, I have no choice but to be single for the rest of my life. Of course people say its what’s on the inside that counts…but we all know that’s not always true, especially to men. They want what they see splashed all over the television and in magazines, and even if I lose 100 lbs I will never look like that. Ever. I feel unloveable. There. I said it. I love my daughter, and I will willingly sacrifice anything for her. And I did — I sacrificed my body.

~Your Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1/1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3.5 months

One Day at a Time (Lu Ella)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 9 Comments

The hardest part of dealing with my postpartum body? For me is the bipolar-ness of it all. I gained 52 pounds while pregnant with my daughter, and about half the time I am comparing the body I have now to the one I most recently inhabited: one that was 9 months pregnant. During this half of the time I feel fantastic! Thin, and beautiful, and sexy, and limber, etc. etc. The other 50% of the time I am comparing the body I have now to the one I had most of my life: a professional modern dancer who was always fit, shapely, and pretty damn skinny. This half of the time I feel fat, and flabby, and stretch marked, and out of shape, and stiff, and old, and about as un-sexy as you can get. I yo-yo back and forth between these states of mind multiple times each day. I’m only 3 months pp now, and trying my best to take life, and my new body, one day at time. Mostly, I try to concentrate on my beautiful baby…

~Your Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 months

First photo: right after my positive pregnancy test
Second Photo: 39 weeks pregnant
Third photo: my beautiful daughter (3 days old)
Fourth photo: 3 months postpartum.
Fifth photo: 3 months postpartum.

Five Years Postpartum (Stephanie)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

age 33
1 pregnancy

I really loved this website when I came across it. It is great to see what real moms look like not what the media makes up feel like we should look like. I gained 40 pounds with my son but have since lost all the extra weight but my body will never be the same. Even though I weigh less then I did before I had him I now have a little belly and loose skin on my stomach as well as a nice c-section scar and strech marks from breasts to my inner thighs. My breasts are quite a bit saggier then prepregnancy as well but whenever I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see I try to remember what a great thing I got to go along with all my new imperfections.

120610-stephanie-1

11 Months Postpartum/ Mother of Two (Irie Mama)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 16 Comments

I got pregnant when I was sixteen and had my first child at the age of 17. I was so unprepared for what pregnancy was going to do to my body! I ended up gaining 50 pounds in a short period of time and I have stretch marks EVERYWHERE! On my stomach, Big ones on my hips, the sides of my thighs and all over my breasts and butt! Ah the things we sacrifice for our children. I don’t really even mind the stretch marks I have! I am a little proud of them but I wish I didn’t have so many! The thing that I am really dissappointed with is my breasts. They used to be so beautiful and my areolas were small and they weren’t as saggy. I breastfed both of my children. I got pregnant again at 19 and had my son at 20. I breastfed him for a much longer time then my daughter and it did a toll on my breasts. I know one day I’ll probably choose to get a tummy tuck or maybe even a breast lift because I feel that I will never be happy until I look better. But for now, my husband loves me the way I am!

Prepregnancy weight: 128
First pregnancy weight-178
Post pregnancy weight-127
Second pregnancy weight-160
Post pregnancy weight-138

My daughter is 3 and a half and my son is 1.