Breasts

Sad Moments (Anon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Legs, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 26 Comments

Previous post here.

Hello SOAM I nvr thought id be writing soi soon, but I’ve been having some real sad moments the past few weeks, where I’ve come real close to giving up hope, with thoughts of me never regaining the confidence I once had. I’m 2 months post partum and felt better when I was 3 weeks. Some persons who see me, knowing I recently gave birth can only comment on how fat I’ve gotten. That really hurts. And even when others tell me I don’t look like I had a baby just 2 months ago, the “u look so fat” remarks are what settle.

Right now I’m at my boyfriends house, and without thought, I’m living part of a nightmare I had when I just found the stretch marks on my belly. Where I couldn’t find my self undressing in front of him any more, I’m sure he notices, We don’t live together, its a long distance relationship, so seeing each other doesn’t happen often. This visit is the first in a long while, and I’m not very excited. I just want to go home. Home, where I can be alone, and be sad by myself. Where I don’t have to worry about killing his vibe for me. Where I can look in the mirror and criticize my body.

Having a baby changes everything. I never thought it’d change so much. Never knew such a happy event could make me feel so down. I can’t help but feel extremely sad when I see the way my body went to a whole new dimension right before my eyes. It is still too early to give up hope. But some days that is exactly what I feel like doing. I evn gained weight and inches :-( . My breast are now sagging. One is way bigger than the other, I’m no longer sexually appealing.

Because of all that, I’m slowly loosing my libido. The last time we had sex was in April, at that time I was still very sexy. Now that I’ve delivered a 8lb 4oz baby, and my body gone, no doubt, my hole is bigger and he’ll hate it. He’s a man. How much longer can he go without sex? Will he enjoy it the way he did? I’m nervous. I’m sad.

Being a mother is great, knowing my baby is being nourished from the one breast tht he loves, makes me happy. Knowing tht my now ugly belly kept him safe gives me closure, n makes me know it’s like this for a beautiful reason. But at times I can’t help but feel sad.

Over the weeks, since I’m a mom, I notice that all young moms aim is to look like what they used to. I think its sad how we allow society and celebrities to dictate what we look like wen we hv kids. And hv us worried, and stressed out.

Its as if we are slaves to beauty, when true beauty comes from within, from us bearing our children. I’m greatly affected by my changed body, and there isn’t much tht I could have done differently, I would not have done anything differently. Nothing’s more important than having a healthy baby.

I’ll start exercising soon, I’m afraid I’ll get sick if I over exert my body. And then I won’t be there for my baby. So far my bf doesn’t seemed bothered by the way I look. He still assures me tht I’ll soon look the way I used to. Embracing my mommy bod, cellulite, stretch marks fat, not being able to wear a mini skirt cuz of stretch marks on my calves and thighs, not being able to wear a bikini anymore isn’t easy and I know I’ll nevr look the way I used to but I have the hope of coming close.

Ps thanks for ur encouraging coments in my previous post – Sad but not giving up hope.

1st 2 pics: me in April
3rd pic: pre preggo breasts
4th pic: breasts now
5th & 6th: belly n boobs
7th pic: me sitting down
8th pic: me in clothes
9th pic: me n my hunny bun
10th & 11th pic: thigh stretch marks
12 & 13 pic: calf stretch marks

Proud Mother of 3 (Ash)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 6 Comments

age 24
3 pregnancies 3 births ages 3,1,and 4 months
4 months pp

I was married at 19 to my husband who was 17 a year later we had our first then a year after that my second child, then 3 months after giving birth to her I got pregnant with my third who I gave birth to 4 months ago. I have 2 sons and a daughter. I am very confident! I wasn’t always like this is took alot of time to myself thinking about things and realizing what was more important. I am saddened to see all the women on the site so mean to themselves and bashing their beautiful bodies. God made you so you must be perfect then!!! I want my daughter to grow up knowing natural is beauty and to never let some supposed flaw stop her from happiness and love. I know I am going to enjoy my life and the body I have because one day I will be a lil old lady with saggy boobies and old wrinkly skin and you know what??? I don’t care lol lol I just want to live a happy full life and I won’t waste a second crying over some silly thing like stretch marks!!! I don’t care what the world puts up all over the place of what it thinks women should look like! I am a woman and this is what I look like so I am the right look not some fake bimbo on porn lol. I think all you women are soooo beautiful in your own special way and we should all embrace our special uniqueness!! I also say in the end it won’t be how your body looked that mattered, it will be what you used your body for in life, hugs, kisses, cuddles, to help another in need!!! Besides one day and it’s a fate we will all come too your body will no longer belong to you it will be buried deep within the ground and all along it was just a tool to live life and get all the love and happiness under God as you could!!! I want to say I love you my 3 beautiful angels I am so blessed from God and I love my husband who holds me at night and sees the person I am on the inside, Love me for my heart not my body!!!!

Update – Uterine Prolapse (Tosha)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update, Uterine Prolapse 6 Comments

Previous post here.

23 years old 2 pregnancies 2 births (boys 2 &4) 2 years postpartum

I have finally learned to accept my body as it is. It has brought 2 healthy happy little boys into my life & I wouldn’t trade them for the best body in the world. I’m tired of wasting my life worrying about how my body looks. My husband loves me & tells me I’m sexy everyday. Some days are better than others but if I ever get the money I’m going to get a tummy tuck & some boobs!! I am 5’7 currently 123 & range from size 1 to 5. Once again thanks to Bonnie & all you wonderful ladies who share your stories & photos!

Bulimic and Breastfeeding (Linda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Eating Disorder, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins 22 Comments

First off I want to say that I am overjoyed that I found this website, it has already helped me to start the healing process.

Secondly, please forgive me as I have a lot to say and this post may be all over the place, hopefully at the end I can tie it all together.

My Story

I have had issues with body image since I was an adolescent. I was the chunky one for some time, but things came to a head in my late teens early twenties. I have been an over-exerciser (worked out for four hours straight once and passed out from dehydration and exhaustion) serial dieter and pill popper and at the age of 21 I FINALLY got to under 130 lbs and was a size two, WOOHOOO!!! That did not last very long because what I had to do to get there was everything but natural and healthy, and eventually the pounds came back on. I am 5 feet two-three inches (depending on the day) and I currently weigh 172 lbs. I began purging in my late teens, I can no longer remember how I got started but I have been battling it ever since. Through much introspection I have labeled the ED my crutch. Sometimes I can go months without it, but I always know that it is in the closet ready for me to pull out whenever I feel I need it and lately I have needed it every day. I have three beautiful girls, a three year old and twin 3 month olds. With my first I went through post partum which I battled on my own and eventually came out of. I don’t think I am dealing with post partum this time around but I am battling that old demon of mine, horrible body image.

I know all the reasons why this disease is not healthy and why I should stop. I know it doesn’t actually help me lose weight but on the contrary can add weight but that hasn’t stopped me. The reason is I don’t think I am ready to give up my crutch. I am EBFing my twins and plan to do so for a while, however I know I am damaging myself with my purging and possibly affecting my milk. I don’t want my girls to ever deal with what I am going through and I want to be healthy for them if not myself. Im not sure if it is the stress that triggered my ED but it has come back with a vengeance. Since I am nursing I am not able to get away much so I eat as my version of downtime, I eat to distract myself, I eat because I am bored, I just eat. And what’s funny (or not) is that I often don’t even enjoy it. I don’t know what to do. But I have been working out and TRYING to eat right and the scale mocks me, I see this stomach with this butt looking pooch in front and it pisses me off and makes me sad. I have no waist to speak off (always had this problem now its ten times worse) and I can’t fit any of my clothes and I…..

I’m sorry, I know I am rambling. I will stop here and hope that what I wrote made some type of since. I have so much more to share but maybe this is not the outlet for it. I just want to love myself as much as I love my children!!!
~Your Age: 31
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 3 children
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 months pp

Pic in red dress is me about 11 months pp with my first. Pic of my 3 month old twins. Pic of my three girls.

Update (Amber)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 15 Comments

Previous post here.

My third child is now 18 months old and is finally weaned and my breasts have shrunk down to their new size from here on out. Before my pregnancies, my weight was 155 lbs, after my 2nd child weaned my weight was 135 lbs, after the 3rd child weaned, my weight is now 137 lbs. My current BMI is 20, due to the lack of fat my body has left after breastfeeding all 3 of our children (1st: 13mos, 2nd: 15 mos, 3rd: 16 mos). I never tried to lose weight, I just ate healthy, exercised lightly, and took care of my babies naturally.

If you are lose all of your baby weight like I did (and then some), your body takes on another shape – mainly there is extra skin that no longer has fat to fill it and the skin has lost it’s elasticity to snap back into shape. I was wondering if I should get breast implants to fill the skin back out, but after learning that most implants cause major scar tissue and have to be replaced at least every 10 years for the rest of your life – I decided against a boob job. Afterall, the more I looked, the more I saw that this is NORMAL – this is what mothers look like!! Their breasts are saggy, flattened, there is extra skin and you know what – that is just fine because it is a type of beauty that can only be gained from having done an excellent job creating life, selflessly giving of yourself, and I am damn proud of it! I hope my photos will empower you to appreciate your body, however nature has made it, and not feel like you need to conform to the “standard of beauty” that is commercialized.

Really trying to be positive about my body. (Mia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

Im 5ft 7 and have always been a very slim girls to the point where other girls were unkind at school with regards to my weight. My pre-pregnancy weight was under 8 stone.

I fell in love at 17 and we moved in together, got engaged at 18 at was married at 19. Shortly to follow was my first pregnancy. We planned for it and fell lucky after 3 months of ‘trying’. At my 20 week scan we discovered i was having a boy and we were so thrilled and happy. We chose his name then and and i had a normal healthy pregnancy. A week and a half past my due date i went into a very slow labour which took about four days off and on!! looking back i suppose thats pretty normal as my body had never done this before but at the time and being so young i was a little over whelmed. After 2 long hours of pushing i gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy at a bouncy 9lbs!!

He was perfect and i breast fed with alot of support from my husband and my mum. My tummy after giving birth was stretched and the belly button area looked strange. Weight wise i got back to pre- pregnancy and after i stopped breastfeeding at 5 months my breasts and nipples looked great, pretty much pre pregnancy, but my stomach really bothered me.

When our son was 6 months old he died of sudden infant death sydrome. It felt like the end of my world, our life and like my heart and soul were irreparably damaged to lose him.

3 weeks after his funeral i found out that i was pregnant. We had conceived days before he had died. We felt this to be a gift from our son to keep us going, and it did.

The following year our daughter was born; a normal pregnancy and birth . . . but a whopping 10 lbs 6. We were so happy to have her but were terrified of losing her, to the point where i almost felt like i was living with the responsibility of keeping her breathing. Having said that we enjoyed her and shes now 5, the most beautiful spirited little girl. But in those early months still grieving for my son and having my daughter i think somewhere a long the line i became a little obsessed with my tummy. It had obviously changed not just from pre – babies but since after having my daughter. Since she was so large and my frame is small the skin on my tummy stretched irreparably leaving me with something i felt that i could not live with. So i threw myself into exercise and rubbing creams in 3-4 times a day. After a few months of this my husband became concerned about me and suggested i talk to the eticGP about my tummy. I did an the GP was unhelpful at best; at worst incredibly un-sympathetc to my situation. So i went to see a plastic surgeon and ended up having a partial tummy tuck. My muscle werent touched but the excess skin was taken away. This left me with a big abdominal scar and false belly button but i felt happy with the results. It says something for my state of mind, because i didnt think beyound that day and getting that skin off my tummy. Did i sit and think ‘am i going to have more children?…No.

A year later and we were broody. When our daughter was 2 and half I gave birth to another little boy. He weighed in at 8 lbs 10. He was another beautiful incredible gift. I breastfed again, this time for 13 months and the month i stopped feeding . . . . i conceived our latest and final addition (my husband has had that special appointment earlier this year at the doctors…)

My tummy did not have the loose skin but my scar was very prominant after having been stretched and my breasts were a huge disapointment. After stopping feeding there were a few months between the feeding hormones going and pregnancy hormones filling them back up. They were not pretty.

We were excited, but nervous how we would cope with 3 so close in age. I was also scared. How would my body be after having four babies? How would my breasts look after another breastfeeding stint?
9 months later and we had a another little boy, or not so little at 9lbs 10!! Again perfect and he has completed our family. I stopped feeding when he was 6 months old. He is one next week. i am 27.

How is my body? Well i have been running and exercising for the past 6 months. Rubbing cream into my tummy, scar and breasts like a derranged woman and eating very healthy foods, in hope against hope that i can maybe feel, dare i say it sexy again. But the truth is that even after all i have been through losing my son, and being sent 3 amazing children i am not happy with my body anymore. I am trying to come to terms with it, and all of its changes but the ways in which its changed I have really struggled with. I find it hard to be intimate with my husband and i have really bad days where i feel so ugly.

Here is my moaning list;

I am covered in silver stretch marks, skin hangs funny on my tummy when i lean forward, my belly button resembles a bum hole! My nipples are 5 times the size they used to be and are showing no signs of getting smaller 6 months after weaning and my breast are stretched mark covered deflated saggy sacks. My weight is just over 8 stone.

I have looked on this site for years and finally thought i will make a post. I am slowly learning to love my new body, because at the end of the day it doesnt really matter as long as i am healthy and have the people i love around me, there isnt much more i need x it just sometimes still gets to me :(

Defeat and Angels (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 34 Comments

Age: 22
Pregnancies/Births: 1/1
Age of child/how far pp: 3 months

I was 21 when I found out I was pregnant, and though it was not planned we could not have been happier. I had always wanted a baby, and now I was going to be a mother! The pregnancy was very easy and I went on to deliver a healthy baby girl at 37 weeks. Though I never had any medical or health problems during my pregnancy I did have self esteem problems. I always had what I considered the perfect body before pregnancy. I was 5’6″ and 115lbs. I was lean and toned, with curvy hips and perfectly round perky breasts. I had 36 inch hips and a 20 inch waist. I loved being able to throw a bikini on and turn heads with no effort. I never had to work for my body, it just was, and I loved it.

Little by little during my pregnancy the weight added up. 5 lbs this month. 7 the next. Until at 37 weeks I topped out at a weight gain of 53 lbs. Every pound was like a punch in the stomach. I hated it. I was watching my figure vanish under the perfect little person that I loved so dearly. I went 36 weeks without a single stretch mark. That was what kept me hopeful the entire time. I knew that if I could avoid stetch marks, then there was a chance I would someday feel pretty again. Then suddenly, almost overnight, they were there. All over my lower stomach. My sides, my thighs and on the back of my knees. I cried harder than I have ever cried before when I saw those horrible streaks across my skin. I delivered one week later.

I am currently 3 months postpartum and having a very hard time accepting my new body. Everything is different. My bone structure has changed, my hips and rib cage are inches wider, my stomach is flabby and not smooth, my skin is textured and uneven. My breasts, which I now hate, went from a B cup to a DD and now sag. I have cried every time I have taken a shower since the day she was born. I cannot look in the mirror when I am naked. Even though my husband will tell me every day that I am beautiful and perfect, I will not let him touch my stomach because I don’t want him to feel my skin. He used to joke that I was his trophy wife, and he wanted to take me every where he could and show me off. I feel like I ruined those dreams for him. I am no longer the trophy wife he married, but I am the woman with the stretch marks who should never be seen in a bathing suit ever again.

I weigh 125 lbs now, only 10 lbs more than before I got pregnant. I have breast fed my baby since the day she was born, and I believe that helped some, but I can not seem to lose the other 10lbs, and I fear that even if I do I will still never fit my old cloths, I will never have smooth soft skin ever again, and I will never be as little as I was. I fear that even though I love my baby and my husband more than life itself, that I will never be able to love my body. I will never have self confidence. I will never feel beautiful or pretty, and sexy is a word that will never be uttered in my direction. Maybe I sound vain and petty? Maybe I do. But these feelings that I live with every day, they do not feel so petty to me. When society has been screaming at you since you were 5 that you must look this way to be beautiful, and the mirror is screaming at you that you will never even be close, it does not feel petty. It feels like defeat.

Even though I feel this way about my body, I am determined to hide it from my daughter. I want to teach her that she does not have to look like the girls in magazines and on the t.v. That she is perfect just as she is. I know this is going to be hard to do when I can not even tell myself that, but I am determined. Afterall, the only thing that keeps me going is the enormous amount of love that I have for my daughter and my husband. I do not think I would be here today without them. They are my world. They are my angels. I live to see the smiles on their faces, and even though I look at myself and feel like I am all used up, I would not change anything, because doing so would mean that I would not have my little family. My little world.

The first two pictures are from before pregnancy, and then three are of the stretch marks and the extra weight at 3 months pp, and the last one is me at 36 weeks.

Sad But Not Giving Up Hope (Anon)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

I’m writing to you all the from Jamaica. I’m 23 years old and 3 weeks 1 day postpartum. Maybe its too early for me to submit my story since I’ve not yet healed properly, but I just wna share my story.

Also, I must say that I read the stories of other strong beautiful mothers daily. Its very encouraging and helps me to embrace my body. So maybe my story will encourage you. My mother also encourages me a lot. She has 3 of us, when she was my age (23) she was done with kids. She is still suffering with her image and insomnia to this day. But no one knows unless she tells them. When she sees her children, all grown up, she says she’s nevr been happier.

I got pregnant December last year for my boyfriend of 2 yrs, I nevr wanted kids, I love my freedom, and loved my body even more. It made me, me. A confident individual. A bit too confident maybe. Before getting pregnant I was 137 pounds, 182 pounds at 39 weeks. I’m 5’5″. During my pregnancy I worried about stretch marks, the most, I rubbed my belly with olive oil and cocoa butter almost evry day. Initially, I had a small belly, at 6 months my fundal height was 13 inches. In just a few weeks my belly skyrocketed. At first they came on my sides. They were real small, and right before my eyes, they exploded. I thought I cud wrk with tht. But not on my belly please stay away. I also got them on my legs and calves. But not my belly.

I was happy that my chances of escaping stretch marks on my belly. At 38 weeks pregnant my doc said he’d induce me at 39 weeks. My baby’s head was in the birth canal, and could come at anytime, I lived abt 45 mins from the hospital, he didn’t want any accidents, so thts the reason I was induced.

I got home from my 38 week check up, laying in bed, my mom expressed shock, she saw lines on my belly, one more week to go, and they had to show up there ugly selves. I cried that night. I was crushed. Depressed. My mother comforted me, told me wen I have my baby I’ll appreciate it. I started having nightmares, because I was so deep in thought tht my bf may not want me any more. He nver liked big girls. I told him how I felt, told him my nightmares. He told me id be fine and should not worry. When he saw the marks, he laughed and asked me if that was really why I was behaving like that. It made me smile. He even bought me oils and creams tht would help get them off. I’ve not seen any improvements yet, but its just been 3 weeks. 6 days after giving birth I weighed 165 pounds.
My boyfreind tells me to be patient, and tht I’ll be fine. Even though my body won’t go back to normal, I’m now a mother, so I’ll hv a body thts considered normal for my new role in life.

I had a problem free pregnancy, smooth delivery. Painful, but worth evry second, I thank God.
I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy weighing 8 pounds 4 ounces on the 9th of september, 10 days before my 23rd bday, the 19-9. I love him so much, he has made me appreciate life so much more, he makes me smile evryday. I’m happy I have him. And evry one says he looks just like me.
I promise to keep u posted.

The first 3 pics: pre preggo
4th: day after delivery
5th: 10 days after delivery
6th: 11 days after delivery
7th: side stretch marks
8th: full body
9 & 10th: 2 weeks 3 days after delivery, belly up close
11th: my sweetie pie
12 &13: 38 & 39 weeks

Updated here.

Comfortable in a new body? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 3 Comments

I never thought I’d be posting on a website like this. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mean that in a bad way I just assumed I would be one of those lucky few women who bounced right back after having a baby. You know no stretchmarks, toned and taut tummy less than 6 months PP? With every new stretch mark I found on my belly during pregnancy I got sadder and sadder. What a cruel joke, I thought, to get stretchmarks @ 35 weeks in my pregnancy. After all I went 8 1/2 months without getting them! After I had my son and I first saw my PP body I just about fainted. Where was the pretty flawless tummy I use to have? Whose body was this in the mirror with the sagging and stretchmarks all over it? I felt gross, disgusting, and not beautiful. I didn’t even want my husband to touch me. The only part of my body I was happy with ironically was my vagina which held very well after an easy vaginal delivery. Well 5 months PP after the stretchmarks have faded (yea they still have a lot of fading to do but overall 100% better than right after birth) and the saggy, jiggly stomach has shrunk and attempted to bounce back to its previous state. I realized my body is just as beautiful now as it was before. I have carried life inside me and it was a blessing and such a beautiful gift. The stretchmarks, yea, they’ll never go away but each time I look at them I’ll smile and think of the little kicks and nudges that used to be inside me. The breasts, yea, they’re saggier and not as perfect and I am contemplating a boob job but I look at my son and realize I wouldn’t do a thing differently if it meant not having him here with me and healthy. I still have a long way to go but slowly and surely I am getting comfortable with my new body.

Age: 25
Number of Pregnancies and Births: 1
Age of Children: 20 weeks
Weeks Post-Partum: 20 weeks

Pride and Struggle with Self Image (Heather)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 8 Comments

Age: 22

Hello. My name is Heather. I am a very proud mommy of 3 beautiful kids. My children are 2 1/2, 17 months and 6 months. I have been pregnant 5 times in the past three years, but have lost 3 angel babies. One pregnancy was twins.

I first got pregnant at 19..on my birthday, can you believe that? Talk about a birthday present! I first gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, then came two magnificently adorable baby girls. People always tell me that I should know the meaning of birth control BUT I was on birth control when I got pregnant. Lol. I am just a very fertile girl! And my husband has 2x’s the sperm count than a normal man. I would NEVER change a thing. These are my blessings, they are my life.

Before getting pregnant I was 150lbs and a size 5/7. After all my pregnancies I was 240 pounds. Since giving birth to my last baby six months ago I have lost 100+ pounds and now weight 130 pounds and am a size 7/9. My hips have not shrunk back and I doubt they ever will. I can’t get over how saggy and wrinkly my stomach is. When I look at it and touch and pull it feels like the skin of my grandmother. Sometimes I cry because I hate my body so much, and then there are times I carry myself with pride because of what my body has done-given me beautiful children.

With my last child I have Pre-Eclampsia that got me induced at 38 weeks. During labor it progressed to Eclampsia, and my reflexes were a +5…I nearly knocked the doctor out when he did the test on my knees. I got my epidural and then I got put on magensium to help control the Eclampsia. From there my BP went from 170/150 to 50/30…I almost died. I could literally feel the life draining from my body. I had 2 doctors and 3 midwives in my room for hours. Right when my BP dropped no doctors were in my room, and I could hear nurses yelling at the doctors, “Can’t you hear that?!?! Shouldn’t someone be in there?!?”
Not long after I gave birth to my daughter…3 pushes and she was in my arms! :) I did it! We both came out fine. :)

I still relive that birth experience, I see it as a joy instead of a near tragedy! I am one blessed momma!

Sorry for the tangent, I’ve just never told my story before. I am a young, newly single mother of 3 children and I am overall happy. Except for the bouts of severe depression over my body.

Number of pregnancies: 5
Number of births: 3
Ages: 2 1/2, 17m, 6m….I am 6 months postpartum