Belly

You’ll Never Be Beautiful Again (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 20 Comments

Age:23
Number of Pregnancies:1
Child: 1 unbelievably beautiful son, 8 months

I would love to share the name of my son or a before photo of myself or even a full picture of myself, but I can not bare the thought of someone I know reading this. I have this fear that must come from highschool that someone, somewhere, will see this and recognize me – than before I know it everyone I know gets an email about it and checks it out. Seeing the real me, not the me I allow people to see – The me that only my husband is allowed to see – barely.

I read these stories and think “I’m not the only one” but then I realize or at least feel like – I am. All these women seem so powerful and seem so proud of their flabby belly’s, saggy boobs and stretch marks. I just can’t comprehend how they do it!? Maybe they were once happy with themselves and can look back with fond memories and think “well.. I was hot and now I am a mom and I am proud of it”.

That’s not my story.

I have ALWAYS been overweight/obese. When I was 13 years old I wasn’t even 5feet tall and I was nearly 200lbs. I was teased, tormented, abused and harassed my entire childhood by classmates. When I hit highschool I vowed to be “that girl”. That girl that guys wanted and girls envied. Little did I know “that girl” already existed… A number of them infact. But I still wanted some guy to notice me. Through the years of highschool I managed to stay around 150lbs through anorexia and working out every day. On the day of my graduation I remember stepping on the scale and it hit 149lbs. It was the lowest I had ever been (that I could remember) and I was so proud. I wore my dress with such pride. It was a size 6! I hate itchy tags and I kept the tag on the dress to remind myself that once upon a time – I wore a size 6! I remember teachers and students, guys and girls always complimented me and told me how gorgeous, hot and great I looked – never truly thinking it myself. Then the guy of my dreams..The guy I had been “oogling” over for the past 4 years FINALLY asked me out. We were that “picture perfect couple”. The sweet wholesome image of the prom King and Queen. He told me I was the most amazing thing he had ever seen – yet 3 years earlier I doubt he would have ever said that to me.

After graduation I kept the weight off for a few years and then I stopped doing things.. I worked full time.. And I started to gain. 155 and I swore to myself I wouldn’t let the scale get any higher.. Than 160 and I started to tell myself it’s still ok but no more. Then that guy of my dreams proposed! I was getting MARRIED! And that weight just kept going up… 170…175! I SWORE I would look just as good as I did on my grad day so I dieted, exercised and thankfully on the day of my wedding I was 169lbs. I wanted to be in the 160’s – just telling myself that because it was a 6 and not a 7 I was prettier, I was worth more. I didn’t feel pretty on my wedding day because I knew I wasn’t as skinny as I wanted to be. I promised after the wedding and honeymoon I wasn’t going to “let myself go” and I was going to be that trophy wife my husband deserved. I was the lucky one. I had the “catch” and I needed to prove he had made a good decision. Yet.. That weight kept piling up. Before I knew it I was 183lbs! What happened!? I know people gain weight after highschool but it had only been 5 years and I put on 40 POUNDS??

Then I got pregnant. I thought – great – now what is going to happen to this body I was never happy with? Well, a curse and a blessing I was so sick I only gained 13lbs througout my pregnancy and lost 27pounds about two months after giving birth. I thought – YES – FINALLY! I’m going to be happy with myself! I am going to be “that mom” on the cover of all the magazines. “That mom” that gets her body back in no time and all the other mom’s envy! Yet… This stomach wasn’t tight like it used to be… It wasn’t smooth and sexy like once upon a time… It was flabby… stretch marks that looked more like a road map… What did I do to myself? I guess I got lazy and exhausted and the weight starting going back up….

Now I am back to 188lbs and I fight with myself every single day. You look fine… No, you ugly worthless piece of crap…. No no, you are pretty and technically you are at your pre-baby weight… You stupid lazy junk food eating, do nothing all day ugly woman, it’s no wonder your husband doesn’t look at you the same.. touch you the same… Not only are you hideously disfigured, it’s quite obvious your husband see’s the exact same thing you do.

It’s a constant battle.

I am afraid my husband is going to cheat on me. He says he is in love with me and I am beautiful and he never would cheat but then I see myself and it only confirms what I already know… Why WOUDLN’T he cheat?! He didn’t like me when I was fat in highschool.. And look at me! Who the HELL would be with me? So what if I am “nice” – I can be demanding, annoying, pushy, whiney, lazy… I seem to have more flaws than anything. I can’t even stand being naked. When I get in the shower I take maybe 5 minutes just enough time to wash myself and my hair and get out and cover myself right back up. There is RARELY a moment in the day I am naked. The thought horrifies me.

I KNOW my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me and knowing he is the reason my body is like this, is the only thing that keeps me going. I would go through this again without question, knowing at the end of it – My son will be there – But it’s so hard. It’s so hard! I live in Canada – 7 months of winter meaning I don’t have the luxury of walking outside everyday for exercise – We are a one income family meaning I don’t have the luxury of a gym membership. How am I supposed to teach my son to be fit and active if I look like this? How am I going to teach him to accept a women the way she is.. accept himself the way he is… If I can’t even accept myself?

Reading these stories and seeing pictures makes me understand I am not the only one out there – but I feel like I am. I can’t even put into words how ashamed and truly disgusted I am with myself. I feel like I never really enjoyed the body I had and now, I’ll never get it back and I will never enjoy my body ever again. The only way I am able to cope with every day life and actually wear something other than sweat pants and a shirt 3 times my size, is Spanx. I love them and they have been my saving grace, but what I would give to wear something and have only MY body underneath. What I would give to look in the mirror and smile instead of cringe. What I would give to feel attractive..beautiful..pretty..ok, even not ugly. What I would give to know my husband is attracted to me like he used to be. What I would give to not tell my husband to only take a picture of the baby and not us together because I am too ashamed and afraid to look back and go “yea.. I am what I promised I would never become..that fat, out of shape mother with the double chin.. The one that couldn’t keep up with their kid and used pregnancy as an excuse to stop trying”. What I would give…to be happy.

There is a picture of me during my pregnancy and then my post-baby belly at 8 months.

Irelynd

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 28 Comments

Irelynd
Age: 22
Number of Pregnancies’
Age of Irelynd: 5 weeks 2 days

I was 21 when I got pregnant with Irelynd, at first I cried I was told I couldn’t get pregnant since I have some genetic diseases that made it near impossible to carry a child. My mom wanted me to get an abortion since I am in my last year of college, to which I thought about doing, but I couldn’t figure out why God gave me this child if I was told I couldn’t get pregnant so I decided to have her. Needless to say the pregnancy was very hard, I had debiliateing migraines everyday for three months, I mean I lost my vision my ability to speak threw up all the time was in a dark room for three months it was terrible. I did not gain any weight until I was 5 month pregnant I thought that since it was so far in I would not gain much weight. I was WRONG I started off 118, and a week before I had her I was 171.

I have been a gymnast since I could walk and working out and eating healthy was a major part of my life. I worked out everyday of my pregnancy, even with the migraines I still worked out in my room since I felt worse to not work out. I grew up in a gym, homeschooled with other gymnast we had weigh ins I was an elite gymnast so weight and body image is something I have always struggled with. I was so scared to gain weight scared to get fat, scared that I would go back to high school cutting if I got fat. Just afraid that I would become depressed because I would hate myself. Well I didn’t cut ( go me), but I did become depressed, I hated mirrors and still do, pictures are even worse and make me feel HUGE. My husband has told me from day one how beautiful I am, how attractive I am but how could I be when I was huge and still feel huge.

I also was so afraid to get stretch marks, My sister had a baby and gained 87 pounds she has stretch marks from head to toe and I dredged that. Needless to say I used stretch mark preventative lotion about 10-12 times a day to prevent them. I didn’t, I have them on my hips, my thighs, my butt, boobs, stomach, and inner thighs. I cried, I know there is nothing I can do but I did so much to not get them. I mean I worked out everyday. I was the fat pregnant person that everyone stared at when I went to the gym specially since I’m in college so they are all college kids. I lotion all the time, drank nothing but water. I tried to watch my weight gain since I have Celiac I’m allergic to most foods that could even make me gain weight. But I did.

Then that day came Irelynd was born Jan 31 2010, she was tiny only 6 pounds 15. ounces cute as a button and I fell in love. I love being a mom, I love her like I have never loved anyone before. But I hate my body, I hate that I can’t get it back. Despite what I was told or heard I started working out 3 days after I had her, I’m not good at taking a break. ( I had to go take a test for a class when I left the hospital after having her) I have been working out none stop for weeks and have only lost 32 pounds, which may seem like a lot but I lost that in two weeks and have been stuck at the number. I hate my stretch marks, I hate that my beautiful boobs have now a tear drop look. I’m self conscious when I have sex, specially when I’m on top because my boobs look so gross. Speaking of boobs, I wore a bra everyday all day even at night through my pregnancy to not get a sag, and they did. My husband thinks I’m attractive and tells me all the time but I have the hardest time believing him. I can’t imagine how he could be attracted to me. I’m one of five girls all who look like I did pre pregnancy and are beautiful and I’m still Huge. I know that my daughter is worth it and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I just can’t wait to get back to normal. And I know you may be thinking your nuts you look fine but since I was a gymnast fine isn’t okay, I have to look fantastic. Specially since I still coach gymnastics and have lost all my athletic shape, my ability to do anything above a level 6 which is sad. I want to be thin again, I want to look muscular again.

Sorry I don’t mean to rant but I just need to get it off my chest because I don’t feel like anyone understands and it is great to know that there are other women out there that feel the same way as me.

Picture 1. Before pregnancy (I know my boobs are hanging out but I just won a 1000$ bikini contest)
Picture 2. Forty weeks prego
Picture 3. Hours after having Irelynd
Picture 4. Four weeks P.P
Picture 5. Four weeks P.P

2 1/2 Years Later- Anonymous

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 16 Comments

Age: 21

A couple months after I turned 18 I found out I was pregnant. Since my boyfriend lived in California and I was so young, I was very nervous. Having my daughter changed my entire life around. I become responsible, mature and learned how to put my daughter’s needs in front of my own. My boyfriend (now fiance) became such a great dad and having her made our relationship so much stronger. However I have had trouble accepting the changes my body have gone through due to pregnancy. When I got pregnant I was 140lbs, and at 5’2, is slightly overweight. I struggled with an eating problems since I was 11, but pregnancy forced to me to learn to eat when I was hungry and choose nutritious food. I ate so healthy that I only gained 10lbs during my entire pregnancy. My doctor was not concerned at all because my baby was growing great and I was a healthy weight. I had a easy and fast labor and delivery and brought my daughter home a couple days later. I was so stressed from being a new mom, and breastfeeding, that I lost weight really quickly. 2 weeks after I delivered I was down to 128lbs and then a month later I was 118. I quit breastfeeding when my daughter was 2 months and my weight loss slowed. I now weigh 113 lbs 2 years later. I got stretch marks when I gained a little weight during puberty but I was surprised when stretch marks showed up darker in my first couple months of pregnancy- since I only gained a couple pounds and didn’t show until about 5 months. Once I gave birth I discovered a couple more stretch marks on my lower belly. My breasts, however, went from a C to a double D, got stretch marks all over them and when I quit breastfeeding I was left with soft, saggy, stretched out breasts. My stomach went pretty flat fast, but my stretch marks have not faded so well. I hated my breasts so much that I got a breast augmentation in November. I LOVE my breasts now, but still feel self conscious about my stretch marks. I plan on losing about 10 more lbs, but will have to wait to save up some $$ until I can get laser treatment to fade them. When it comes down to it, I would have a million stretch marks for my daughter :) She is my angel and my saving grace. I love her more than anything and I love spending each day watching her grow. Ladies: don’t worry about you bodies so much after birth, just focus on being healthy and the amazing ability we have to bring life into the world!

Updated here.

Just gotta keep plugging away at it (Tara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 11 Comments

Age 29
Pregnancies 3
Births 1 Cesarean
5 months PP

This is a great site, I have really enjoyed reading everyone’s stories and seeing pictures of other women PP and their beautiful babies. I have a 5 month old son, he was born by cesarean. I am still trying to get used to the scar, it is red and ugly but thankfully it is low enough that nobody but me and my husband will see it. I am about 10 pounds away from my prepregnancy weight. I am finding that every pound has been a struggle to get rid of. I am breast feeding and it has still been hard. To those women who say the weight just melted right off of them from breastfeeding I am jealous because I have had to diet and exercise hard to lose every single pound so far. I don’t mean to complain, I am grateful that I have my son and that I was able to have a successful pregnancy. I am hoping to have another child in the next year or so all going well.

The following pictures are of me at 37 weeks pregnant, me 5 months PP and my son at 4 1/2 months.

My thoughts, fears, and joys of being a mother (Stacy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Spousal/Partner Abuse, Submissions 9 Comments

Age: 26
# of pregnancies and births: 5 pregnancies (currently pregnant), 2 births
My children are 6 and 2, and I am 10 weeks pregnant with my third child

I became pregnant for the first time at 19 years old. It seemed like the MOST horrible time for it to happen. I was not in a great relationship, and when my son was 6 months old, I married his father. I wanted the complete family, even if that meant marrying someone I was sure I wasn’t completely in love with.

Needless to say, after the pot shots from him about the way my post baby body looked, not being able to have friends, and other verbal and emotional abuse, and finding out he was neglecting my son while I was at work, I left. And I left with a severe complex about my body. I called my mother and she came the next day and picked up all of mine and my sons things, and I left.

Almost a year later, I re-connected with a friend I wasn’t allowed to speak to while I was married, because he was a male. Later on, we started dating. He was so good with my son, and my son loved having a role model. We were married 2 years later. I had two miscarriages before getting pregnant with my daughter, but she was so worth the wait! I now have a wonderful husband and two beautiful kids, but I still have this overwhelming urge to cry when I see myself naked in the mirror. My husband says I am beautiful and he is still very much attracted to me, but if I am not happy with myself I should do what I can to try and change it. He has offered to work out with me. Now I am 10 weeks pregnant with our third and last baby, so I have to wait to start a vigorous workout routine.

I know that I should be proud of what I have done, but I can’t help thinking I shouldn’t look like this at 26 years old. I am so proud of my kids, but I am not proud of what I look like. I don’t show my stomach, I wear a bra all the time to keep my breasts up where they are supposed to be, and when I change my clothes, it’s a chore to find something I think looks right on me. I don’t wear a bikini, and I am so uncomfortable in my own skin I get nervous when I am with my husband in bed. I have tried to think differently, but I’m not sure how to fix this.

Saggy Baggy Mama (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 11 Comments

I never expected to want to be a mother.
I never expected to enjoy being a mother.
I never expected that I could love anyone so much.
I never expected to describe myself as uncooked dough that had been mauled by a bear.

I did want to be a mother, I do enjoy being a mother, and I love my son more than I could ever have imagined. And yes, I describe my stomach as appearing to be uncooked dough that has been mauled by a bear.

My pregnancy was exhausting. I had all these grandiose plans about eating right and exercising throughout my pregnancy, but they lasted all of one week. Then the fatigue set in and didn’t let up until about 17 months post partum. I spent the majority of my pregnancy sleeping or in front of the computer. Some days I could barely drag myself out of bed. There was no working out and there was no cooking delicious and nutritious foods. I gained over 70lbs. Already overweight pre-pregnancy, I was huge and constantly asked if I was carrying twins.

After my son was born, I gained a new appreciation for my breasts as they nourished him (every hour!). I also gained a new respect for my body as a whole. It had accomplished an amazing feat! Respect I had, but not love. I had expected my body to look somewhat distorted after I gave birth, but I figured that it would slowly go back to what it had been. I was very wrong.

About 2 months post partum my husband caught a glimpse of me in only panties. I could see in his face how disappointed and even disgusted he was at the sight. I almost cried. He didn’t mean for me to see. He loves me and swears he still finds me attractive, but his face that night was enough to hurt me deeply. Especially since at 17months post partum, while I’m slightly smaller, my stomach still pretty much looks the same. I’m like the Saggy Baggy Mama.

I have not yet come to accept and love my body. Maybe someday I will. It was worth it, because my son is the light of my life and every day he makes my world a little brighter. And he loves his mama, even if she looks like uncooked dough that has been mauled by a bear.

Age – 28
1 pregnancy and birth (hopefully more to come)
17 mo post partum

032510-anon2-1

It helps to know I’m not the only one (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Postpartum, Submissions 7 Comments

I will never ever get “my” body back. If I had the money to get a tummy tuck, I’d do it in a heartbeat! My stomach is the thing I’m most self concious of, but I have plenty of stretch marks all over my breasts, thighs and butt too. I’m 5’2” and currently weigh 134, but even when I’m at 120 (my pre-pregnancy weight) my body STILL doesn’t look the same as before. I know I’m not “fat” perse (although sometimes I feel it), but it bothers me when my friends tell me I look great. I feel like lifting up my shirt and telling them “Really?? Does THIS look great?!”…But I don’t. I’ve never shown ANYONE my belly P.P. except for my husband. Not my best friends (who are super curious), or even my mother. I think the thing I miss most is my belly button! It seriously looks like a…butthole or something now. What happened to my cute tiny circle? I am jealous of the mothers who can have a kid and then go back to looking like nothing ever happened. Why wasn’t I that lucky??

The first picture is a glimpse of what I looked like before baby.

The other pictures are from today March 2010. How in the world can my husband be attracted to THIS??

My body has definitely changed for the worse but my little girl was worth it! (Sienna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 Pregnancy, 1 Birth
I am 8 weeks postpartum

I became pregnant when I was 21 after only 1 month of trying and was absolutely delighted! I loved my body just before getting pregnant – I had just lost a bit of weight and was feeling very confident!
I loved seeing my body change as my belly got bigger. I wanted to have the biggest pregnancy bump around lol. I loved wearing tight fitting clothing to show my bump off and loved hearing people tell me how huge I was looking. I just thought that everything would go back the was it was after I had my baby – I was quite naive in that way.

My boobs got bigger by a whole cup size and by 34 weeks I hadnt developed any stretchmarks so I was very pleased. I did used bio oil and palma’s coco butter for my whole pregnancy. Then a couple of days later I noticed a little mark on the side of my hip and knew it was the beginnings of stretchmarks. By the end of my pregnancy the stretchmarks were pretty bad and although I know they will fade they will never completely disappear but the way I look at it is that the are a reminder of my beautiful little girl and my partner says I am still beautiful and should be proud of them so I feel very lucky that way – it is hard to feel that way all the time though, I do feel sad when I look back at pre-pregnancy pictures of my stomach.
I gave birth to my gorgeous daughter after a very traumatic labour and my belly looked dreadful straight after. It was very saggy but I knew that it would be so I wasnt really that bothered. I had to have an emergceny focept delivery and an episiotomy so I couldnt walk for about a week and was very uncomfortable. I have a very large scar from the episotomy. I breast fed and my belly went down suprisingly quick. My boobs were huge because they were full of milk and I loved them! But I only breast fed for about 3 weeks and after my milk went away I am now left with even smaller boobs that I had before being pregnant (I was originally a small B) and on top of that they are very squidgy and droopy and have stretchmarks on – they are just not very nice – I would love a boob job but my partner says he does not want me to get one though I am quite self concious about them, I dont really like him to touch them now because they are so squashy.

I also have stretchmarks on my bum and legs though I did not gain any extra weight during pregnancy (besides the bump) so I was quite annoyed about that. I havent really done much exercise but my belly has gone down alot so I am quite happy with that but it is still very squidgy and hangs over my jeans a little which I hate, muffin top! So I am still wearing leggings as they are alot more comfortable. I am 8 weeks post pregnancy now so I hope my belly will eventually return to normal, although my belly button is alot bigger and stretched more like a hole now when before it was a cute little thing haha.

Anyway, I am unhappy that my body is definatly not what it was, however my little girl was worth it and I’m not going to let pictures of celebs get me down, they are airbrushed, no way could they loose all that weight and look so good so soon! So I am just going to continue trying to eat healthy and do some more situps and not get too down about it – the thing I would say upsets me most is my boobs but only my partner sees them and he says he still loves them so I try now to worry about it too much.
I have a beautiful little girl and I think my body shows the stregnth of a women and what she goes though to bring life into the world :)

Below is pictures of my stomach before, during and after pregnancy from the side and front and also a picture of my beautiful little girl.

For the love of the fight (Dani)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Infertility, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

Age: 24
Number of pregnancies/births: 3/1
Age of child: 10.5 months

I struggled with infertility for years. I suffered 2 miscarriages and finally, in August of 2008, I got pregnant again for the 3rd time. I was afraid, but confident. I carried the pregnancy to term and now have a beautiful daughter. When I saw my body after I had her, I was crushed. I had a very hard time looking at myself in the mirror. I had gone from a size 8/10 which I worked HARD at keeping up with because of PCOS, to a size 16/18. It’s been almost 11 months now and I’m in a 12/14. Not where I want to be, but I’m comfortable in my skin now and I’ve come to realize that the scars that I carry are BEAUTIFUL. I may be squishy and saggy and any other negative word that society wants to slap me with, but I have a miracle who smiles at me everyday and SHE is worth these scars. I am a Mom. That’s what I’ve always wanted to be… And I am beautiful. This is a before/after and a picture of my daughter.