Belly

Emotional C-Section Scars (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 9 Comments

1 Pregnancy:1 Child

My story begins nearly 5 years ago as my daughter will be 4 in august. I got pregnant when I was only 18. Although my now husband and I were only together about 6 months (together in person only about 1.5 months since he was in bootcamp). Long story short we have made an initial friendship blossom into a great marriage which of course takes work but I feel so fortunate to have beat all the odds that society places on young people and relationships. Fast foward I went into labor on a friday night thinking it was only braxton hicks. After 2 trips to the hospital I was sent home both times since I wasn’t dilated enough to be admitted (they wanted me 2.5 cm before admitted). On sunday morning around 2am we went back where we were finally told I could be admitted. At this point I had endured the pain for nearly 2 days and requested an epidural as well as they started pitocin since I wasn’t dilating that fast. During those wee hours of the morning I was checked on and off. First the baby’s heart rate was high so they broke my water in an effort to bring it down. After a couple hours of rechecking her heart rate began to drop and I had set up fever and they believed I was beginning to set up an infection. Around 7:15am I was told at that point there needed to be decisions made since I was still only about 5-6cm dilated. What choice did I have to help my baby? She was delivered at 7:53am by emergency c-section. My memory those first 2 days in the hospital are fuzzy because of the pain medication I was on which is something I feel very deprived of. Fast forward another 3 and a half years later and numerous talks with my doctor I am still left feeling like a complete failure. Nearly all of my friends had relatively easy labors considering the time frame and only one had a csection although she is not only diabetic but smoked through her pregnancy and had preclampsia. There were no indicators that this would happen to me. I am a very prepared person and was completely blindsided by having a c-section. My scarring on the outside is minimal and my selfesteem is the best since before I got pregnant but I still have feelings left that my body somehow has something wrong with it because it was incapable of doing something that women are designed to do. Now anytime a family member or friend has a baby I get feelings of resentment that I had to have a c-section and nearly no one that I know hasn’t. I wouldn’t wish a csection on anyone that’s not at all what I wish at all I just don’t know how to come to terms with these negative feelings……I am also left terrified of having another child as I absolutely do not want another c-section again.

Below is a picture of me 37 weeks pregnant and summer 2012 after losing nearly all my baby weight (finally! :D).

A Happy Ending! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 10 Comments

Age:24
Pregnancies: 1
Births:1
1 year postpartum

My little girl just turned one a week ago. She is so beautiful, funny and smart. I can’t believe she is mine!

When I first got pregnant I had come to terms with the fact that my body would be ruined, based on family history. I would have a saggy belly, stretch marks, deflated breasts but I knew it would all be worth it.

During my pregnancy, my daughters father and I decided it wasn’t going to work out. That is when my fears returned. I gained 60 pounds while pregnant. I thought nobody would ever be attracted to me again. I was completely devastated about the whole situation. Once I had my little girl I really had no time to feel sorry for myself. She was extremely colic for the first 6 months and would only sleep cradled next to me while walking. So I walked and walked and walked….

A year later, my stretch marks have faded, I weigh 20 pounds less than before I got pregnant, I got my license, bought a van, I’ve met someone new and starting my dream job in 1 week. It’s amazing how things can change in a year. I’m so proud of myself and thank my lucky stars everyday.

A Child Having a Child (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 10 Comments

A child having a child

Age: 22
Number of pregnancies:1
Age of child:4

When I was a little girl,I used to love playing with my baby dolls. I would plan out my life by playing house everyday with my dolls. Perfect house,perfect job, and a perfect family. All I wanted was a perfect life like I would see on t.v. While I grew into my early teens I met the love of my life. Every min I spent with him I knew he was that one that I wanted to spend the perfect life I had always dreamt of. I used to lay in bed and just think how bad I wanted to start my family right away. As silly as it sounds I would think on how to ask my mom if I could of a baby. I always wanted to tell her it would be the only Christmas and birthday present I wanted.

At the age of 15 I found out that I failed the 9th grade for the second time. Not because I wasn’t smart but because I would skip to much school. I was in the process of dropping out.. Until I learned I was pregnant.

I got pregnant at age 16. I was scared. I didn’t know anything about having a baby. I was just a baby myself. I took that right path and stayed in school for my daughter. Since I achieved a lot in school I was allowed to graduate 1 year earlier then when I was suppose to. I continued my education in becoming a medical assistant. It was a rocky road to get where I am today but I made it. I now have the perfect job that I wanted. I married my high school sweetheart and now have our perfect family. There’s just one thing that I’m missing… My self confidence.

I had to grow up fast and make sacrifices for my new family. I couldn’t go out to the pools with my friends like I used to or go shopping because of the weight I gained. I cry every time I think about how skinny I used to be. Even tho my husband tells me how he loves for who I am and how I look but I don’t feel like myself hiding in this fat suit. Everyday I would love to just pull my zipper down and take off my suit but I can’t. I now live in this body forever.

I try to diet, I try to work out, and I try to make healthier choices but I give up to fast. i just sit back and say to myself” yeah right who are trying to fool you cant do this just give up already.”The girl in the mirror stands and laughs at me and tell me there is no hope. I wanna beat this girl and tell her shes wrong but it’s too late she already won.

Update to my Post (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 3 Comments

Previous post here.

The last time I updated my story I was single and 13 months postpartum with my 3rd child, I had also just started to accept my body. Well a year and a half later things have changed drastically; about three months after my update was posted I reconciled with my childrens father and about two months later I ended up pregnant with our 4th child. Throughout my whole pregnancy I was miserable and feared the weight gain, I just wanted to gain the minimal weight possible and be able to lose the weight quickly after the baby came. Of course every pregnancy is different but I so badly wanted this pregnancy to be like my last one where I had only gained 13lbs but I ended up gaining double that (Yes a healthy 26lbs). During my pregnancy however my weight did yo-yo from month to month, at my first appointment at 9wks I was weighing 175, the next month it was up to 177, and the next it was back down to 175, I didn’t start gaining consistantly a pound a month until I was into my 5th month of pregnancy and I gained the most in my last two months. My 4th and last daughter was born on March 7th, 2013 weighing 7lbs 4oz and 20in long by repeat c-section; at our first check up 5 days later my weight was already back down to 183, so I had about 6-8lbs to lose to be at the weight I was at my first appointment and about 18lbs to go if I was to be at the weight I was just a few months before getting pregnant. at just 2wks post-partum I was fitting back in to a lot of my pre-pregnancy clothes but I still have a long way to go before I’m as comfortable with my body as I was getting to be before, and once I’m in the clear to do so I plan on doing regular exercise and working my butt off to get down to where I want to be. The first few days of being post-partum I was a little disappointed in the way I looked but I know it takes time and with hard work and determination I can change my body as I had started to before this pregnancy.

~Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: 5 pregnancies/ 4 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6 1/2 yrs, 5yrs, 2 1/2yrs, 18days old; 18days postpartum
The pictures below are: 1st: Me about 3months before getting pregnant(what I would like to get down to in the next couple of months), 2nd: Me and my kids father the month I got pregnant, 3rd: My last pregnancy picture at 39wks 4days, 4th and 5th pictures: Me at 18days postpartum, and the 6th: My c-section scar:

My Story (Katyy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

It was January 2012 and I was ready, this was my year. New boyfriend who i absolutely adored, 18 this year! finally finishing year 12,the ball, leavers and a holiday to Bali, what more could go wrong…?

I was defiantly in love with Scott the first time we meet he managed to crash a car with me in it and we some how survived it rolled into a tree and yet I still stand here today so we both knew for a fact we were meant to be, surviving something like that!

Before I met Scott I had a few boyfriends but nothing serious, he was the one I would choose to give my virginity. Time went on and we grew so ever close and before you knew it we were as close as you could be. On January the 15th I received a somewhat horrifying facebook message that one of my best friends had committed suicide, I didn’t know what to do or how to feel or how I would cope without the girl who had kept me strong through all my problems. Yet did I know I hadn’t been through anything yet.
One night Scott took me to the most loveliest restaurant In perth it is rotating and you sit and eat a meal.I started to feel very queezy during my dinner, I hadn’t got my period yet I was little worried as I was a couple of days late and was always on time so decided to take one tomorrow morning. A pregnancy test.

I locked my self in the bathroom, and waited one line and then it seemed a second one was showing… I smacked myself in the head a couple of times to make sure I wasn’t dreaming…

“Scott” I screamed in a horrified voice and he knew straight away I ran out the door and down to the park he came running after me ” where’s a tree i can’t do this I need to be with Kim” he calmed me down and drove me to the beach. After talking and thinking we decided this was it, we made this mess and now we have to clean it up and do what is right. Once our parents knew they were furious, Scott mum having her first and 19 was devastated because she never ever wanted her kids to go through what she had too, my mum was just speechless.

I decided I would do this the hardest way possible because I deserved to be punished for what an idiot I had been.
I was going to walk around school until I was 8.5 months pregnant and graduate.

Everyday was a struggle I tell you that, having over 1000 kids staring at you all day and having no friends, it was hard all my friends didn’t want to know me and if they did it was to get gossip out of me. I was alone. But it was my fault because I pushed everyone away. I had a terrible pregnancy I gained over 30kg and vomited all day everyday. But school was good for me it made the pregnancy go fast and I was glad I accomplished it. At 38 weeks they wanted to induce me because they said baby was too big, I ended up leaving the next morning because bubs just wasn’t budging and I had been pushed too far she was even near my cervix!
But after being a week late a c section would be the answer,

At 8.49am on the 30th of October 2012 my precious bubby lily Kate Cornell entered the world a whopping 9.11p!! She was gorgeous, she was perfect and it had all been worth it.

About a month later it was time to graduate,
I walked up the stage with lily in my arms, grabbed my certificate and the applause and cheering nearly broke my heart, there were so many people out there who were proud of me, it felt amazing. I had done my job. It was time to be a mum.
The past year of my life is been nothing what I thought it would be, I am a changed person and i believe I am a fabulous mum because I will do anything and everything for lily I will give her my last cent.

I believe in taking what life throws at you and making the absolute best of it because if you can’t enjoy life what is the point,
Today I wake up to a gorgeous daughter and my wonderful boyfriend,

Honestly I can’t believe it, but hey what’s the fun in a predictable life???
K xoxo

Upset With My Postpartum Body 10 Months In (Sara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 19 Comments

I had my first child 10 months ago at the age of 21. Before I had him I just started getting into the best shape of my life (the healthy way) I started off at 165 and had gotten down to 158 and 1 week after getting down to 158 I found out I was pregnant. I always disliked my body and hated the way I looked naked but since having my child I really hate the way I look. I look at myself naked and cant stand to see myself. Everything and anything I put myself in I feel makes me look gross and all my flaws (except the stretch marks) are exposed. My boyfriend of 7 years always tells me how beautiful I look and how great I’m doing with my exercise ( 8 months postpartum I was 168 and now 10 months postpartum I weigh 156) but each and everytime he tells me he thinks I’m beautiful I just can’t help but think he’s lying to me and just saying things to make me happy. Not only do I feel he is not sincere(when he is) I feel like he thinks every other girl is prettier than me and wishes I looked like them (especially the victoria secret models) and it may just be me comparing myself to woman who have had babies ( celebs) 5 months ago and already look like they have never had a kid or even to the girls my age who are “perfect” but I really can’t stand to see my body. Having my wonderful, beautiful son has made me hate myself. I know looks aren’t everything but right now all I care about is my looks and looking great naked or even… in clothes. I hate the little “lip” under my stomach( ive always had it but since having my son it’s gotten worse) basically I hate almost EVERYTHING on my body. And I have no idea how my boyfriend would want anything to do with my body.
These are all postpartum pictures of the body parts I hate the most and just a pictures of my lil man at 4 months old :)

Seeing the Beauty in My Body (Joanna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

Your Age: 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 1
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 months

I got pregnant when I was 21 years old. Not a teen mother, but still young enough to get the occasional stare. My pregnancy was perfect as far as the doctors said, however, psychologically I was a wreck. I have never been a skinny girl, but I was never “overweight” either. But I was absolutely terrified of gaining weight. Every single pound I gained felt like a dagger. I dreaded hopping up on the scale at my weekly OBGYN appointments. I even ended up counting calories, and refused to eat anything besides salad, toast, and the occasional bowl of cereal. I still managed to gain 45 pounds. I came across this site when I googled “pregnant and depressed about weight gain”, and to be honest, it terrified me even more. Seeing what women look like post-partum just made me feel worse. For some reason, I felt like my body defined who I was. I ended up getting my first stretch marks around 28 weeks. Again, I was stressing and obsessing over my appearance. I felt horrible. I refused to look in a mirror and would even tell my boyfriend to “shut up” when he tried to call me beautiful.

I gave birth to my daughter at 39 weeks and 3 days on December 18th, 2012. She was 7 pounds 15 ounces and absolutely beautiful. However, I didn’t get the immediate bond that I constantly heard mothers talk about. I was shell-shocked. I went from being a 21 year old girl to a mother in hours. I couldn’t take it all in. I remember spending my first night in the hospital crying because I was terrified of this little human being that I was now responsible for. I didn’t change a single diaper during my stay at the hospital, didn’t give her a bath, didn’t cuddle with her. I would simply breastfeed her and hand her to visitors or her father. My brain wasn’t able to process what was happening. The day we came home from the hospital I was terrified. I didn’t know what to do. I was in pure survival-mode (for myself AND my daughter), and I ended up losing 25 pounds in 2 weeks because I was so depressed and STILL in shock that I would literally forget to eat. I was slowly slipping into postpartum depression. Add hormones and sleep deprivation to the mix and I was a wreck. I cried every chance I got. I felt as if my life was over. My stomach was saggy and loose and covered with stretch marks. I felt disgusting

It wasn’t until my daughter was about 2 months old that I began to feel better. She became more interactive, she started smiling when she saw me, and I fell in love. My body was slowly turning back to normal. I remember hearing women say that once your baby’s born you won’t care about the stretch marks as much. I understand what they meant now. These marks represent everything I went through and my own personal battles. They represent the love I have for my daughter. They represent everything a mother is about. Sacrificing (in this case, your body and beauty) for your children. Looking back at my pregnancy, I really wish I enjoyed it more. I now realize there are few things more beautiful than a pregnant woman and a mother. You are carrying and growing a LIFE inside of you. What can possibly be more beautiful than that?

I have a new-found respect for mothers. All mothers. Single, married, young, and old. You are absolutely amazing. You are beautiful in my eyes. If you’re worried about your stretch marks, just remember what they stand for. If you are worried they will make you less attractive to your significant other, don’t be. If he/she truly loves you, they will see the beauty in them. If you’re pregnant right now and feeling ugly, fat, or unattractive, just remember that you’re doing something amazing. You have life inside of you.

I just want to end this by saying that whether you’re pregnant or you’re in the postpartum stage, embrace your body and appreciate it for bringing life into this world. You are beautiful. We are all beautiful.

The first photo is me before I got pregnant.
Second and third are me at 38 weeks pregnant.
Forth, fifth and sixth are me 3 months postpartum.
The last four are of my daughter

Sharing the Beautiful and the Ugly (Freckles)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 0 Comment

Hi, I am the owner of Freckles Fairy Chest and just uploaded these photos today. It seems to be a wonderful hit and I have been so grateful for the wonderful feedback on my story. I often model my creations and decided that it was best to leave my body the way it is for all to see. I just turned 28, and have one girl who is 17 months old.

Reposted with permission from Freckles Fairy Chest.

A couple of weeks ago, I got inspired to work on some floral fashion designs for Spring. I got the idea to cover an old bra with flowers and leaves, and make some hair clips and a necklace out of spring colored flowers. My husband got a ladder, stood above me laying on a green sheet (aka magic screen) and started taking some photos of me. About half way through, I took a peek and said, “Take them a little closer, because we are cropping out my stomach!” Every woman has a part of her body that she believes is ugly, or not quite what it once was. I am no different.

When I was pregnant with my baby fairy, Elora Avalene, I actually gained 60 pounds! Oh, believe me, I heard lectures from everyone including my mom and Doctor, (who was nice enough to say to me, “You gained six pounds in a WEEK?!” with her slender and beautiful figure). But I freaking love food! Throw in a pregnant appetite, and all that is left of your body are a million stretch marks and a sagging one pack. At least I am married now, so it doesn’t bother me as much as it would if I were single and trying to impress. haha. My husband couldn’t be more supportive, and always tells me how beautiful I am, no matter what. For goodness sake, the photo that bothers me most, he has titled “MywifeisfreakingHOT” as a jpg file name. One lucky fairy, right here!

So if I have all of that, why does my post baby body still bother me, as I sit here and look at photos from this recent shoot and want to crop away, and do photoshop plastic surgery on them? With all of these sayings and posts about embracing your body the way it is, why have I still not let it sink in? The answer seems simple, how many photos have you seen go viral with a pretty woman full of stretch marks? None that I know of, though I do recall the brave magazine cover some years ago with Jamie Lee Curtis showing off her middle aged body. I am not trying to pose nude or be controversial here, but I think it is time for me to be brave enough to stop cropping and using the “pucker” tool in photoshop. I don’t want to promote a kind of unrealistic view of beauty for moms out there.

So here I am, stretch marks, fat, pale skin, double chin and all. Radiating in my motherly glow for the world to see and criticize.

Read more and share here.

Update: Help!!! Bikini worthy or not? 13 Months PP Still with worried about tummy. (Jamie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 24 Comments

Age: 22
Number of Pregnancies/ Births: 1

Previous post here.

This is my second post to this website. I am now 13 Months PP. I hate to admit it but I am feeling worse than ever!!! I am up and down as far as staying optimistic about my body, I will go two maybe three weeks at a time thinking my stomach will start tightening up / looking better then I completely break down feeling like the ugliest person in the world. My husband booked us a trip to Hawaii in 4 weeks; and I am terrified that I am going to ruin the trip with my mood. After all it is a place where bikinis are kind of a must! I figured by now that my stomach would look good enough to wear a bikini. I am only 22! I shouldn’t feel like I am used up and old. I think at this point any improvements I see in my stomach, are only me getting used to my stomach rather than it actually looking better. I just need to know what my stomach looks like from another person’s perspective, I would feel horrible if I went out in a bikini and appauled people with my stomach. My husband gets upset when I cry or complain about my apperance and says that with time I will look better. I guess all I really want him to say is that I am beautiful and that it is all in my head. I asked him whether or not he thinks it would be acceptable for me to wear a two piece bathing suit and he kind of avoids the question. I just need some closure from someone else. So please someone honestly tell me their opinion.

That point aside, my husband and I are trying for another baby (so excited!!) I went to the OBGYN this month to figure out why it took so long last time to conceive; she diagnosed me with PCOS. I was told that it was as if my body has the throttle pushed and the brakes pushed at the same time so my body doesn’t really get anywhere when trying to drop an egg. Does anyone else have this? (I heard it is the most common cause for infertility) Any suggestions?

The picture where you can see the shirt is 8 months pp and the one where you cannot see my shirt is now at 13 months pp.

Thank you all for your support, It is so nice to have someone who has gone through the same things to talk to.

Mother of 7 (Stacy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, VBAC 12 Comments

How can I teach my daughters, and my sons, things I haven’t quite figured out yet? How can I be confident in my own skin when the world, both inside and outside of myself, tells me I should hide? How did women lose their power to just “be”in their role as mother, satisfied with happy children and a healthy birth?

I don’t know, but I know that in late 1980 I was already destined to despise my body, and feel like there was something wrong with it. So I became a fat little girl before I knew I could say no to food that starved my body, and clouded my mind. I always hated myself, and remember at 8 years old trying to make my arms appear smaller by wrapping my upper arms in toilet paper and rubber bands. My “before” pictures would not show much. I was always very large chested and had boyfriends, but overall felt out of place, fat and gross.

Once I had my first daughter at 17 years old, I was scared but happy to spend 9 months growing a little being. I was a good mother. A dedicated college graduate, and had a kind heart. But my ass was still fat, but not as fat as my deformed Csection dissected belly.

I lost 100 pounds, met my husband and went on to have 4 more children. All Csections. 5 Csections and 5 children, 4 of them in 5 years time took a deep and irreversible toll on my body. The multiple Csections left me feeling insecure and inept.

I had my first vaginal birth, 10#5oz baby boy (child #6) unassisted at home with my husband and my children. He was amazing. He still is. This healed places in myself that continue to heal.

I just had my 7th son this past June (2012), another boy, another beautiful and FaSt unassisted birth. I gained 30 pounds, was Doing yoga 5-6 times a week, hiking mountains and standing fully inverted head stands days before he was born.

I love my body now. I accept its amazing ability to heal, carry me through this awesome ride of life, and nurture my children. My sexuality is prime and there is nothing that makes me feel more alive than having confidence inside my skin.

I have 7 children, and could have more. I am 32 years old. I have a masters, I am a massage therapist. I love to write and play music. I love to travel and experience new things. I love to spend time with my children and my lover, partner and friends. I am more than complete… In spite of the holes which have been carved in my body, I am whole.

Updated here.