Adoption

Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 20+ Years Postpartum, 5+ Years Postpartum, Adoption, Child Loss, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 2 Comments

Previous post here.

I have a incredible update to my story. My son I gave up for adoption well his dad and I got married. We got reunited with our son on our wedding day. He and his family was at our wedding. His adoptive parents are amazing my son is now 22 and I have never been happier. I have learned through all of my life experiences that everything happens for a reason and there is a plan for each thing we face in life whether it be bad or good. I have never felt sexier, more beautiful, and complete in all my life. I will always greive for the loss of my baby but know that someday I will be reunited with him. These pics were taken just a month ago. I believe that when you love yourself love will find you. My body is not perfect no where close to perfect there are things I wish were different but I know that every flaw I see is part of the beauty in my life. Each stretch mark each grey hair and the well not perfectly toned body is all part of being a mom. One of the greatest gifts in the world. I am going to be 39 here real soon and am embracing my age and my life. I encourage all of you to love yourself you become a better lover, a better mom, a better wife/girlfriend. When you love yourself your truly able to give all of you to the ones you love

Unapologetic (Darah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Poetry, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

I love me with the sags.
I love me with the stretch marks.
I love me with dark circles.
I love me with frizzy hair.
I love me with pale skin.
I love me with stretch marks.
I love me with love handles.
I love me with back rolls.
I love me when I’m menstruating.
I love me when I’m lactating.
I love me with body hair.
I love me when my hands are dirty.
I love me with belly fat.
I love that my body can give life.
I love that I can sustain life.
I love me when I eat.
I love me when I’m sick.
I love me for me.

Who I am goes deeper than my skin.

I’m confident.
I’m artistic.
I’m intelligent.
I’m creative.
I’m imaginative.
I’m logical.
I’m kind.
I’m articulate.
I’m ambitious.
I’m empowering.
I’m soulful.
I’m funny.
I’m daring.
I’m charming.
I’m thoughtful.
I’m generous.

And I’m unapologetic for who I am..

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 4 pregnancies, 3 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: ten – placed for adoption, three and 5 months.

Update – Teen Learning to Love Her Body (Faith)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 5 Comments

Your Age: 18
Number of pregnancies and births: 1
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3

Story: It has been three years. I posted my story 3 whole years ago, and I can’t believe time has flown by so fast.
Here is my original post.

What has changed? So much. It is unbelievable. I graduated high school, met two really nice ladies and they let me move in with them, I’m going to school, and I work here and there. Everything is going perfect. I am not with the same person I was with when I posted last. Things happened between us, which is just fine :)

My baby is now three years old, and I get pictures of him once in a while. Thank you women so much for the supportive comments.

I have lost about 40lbs, but I am still working on it.

Photo 1: 3 years PP. Still working on it
Photo 2: Me graduating high school
Photo 3: This is my beautiful son.

Frustration (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 14 Comments

My story is LONG and exhausting, but I like to tell it. I hope that I can be inspiration to other females that find themselves where I was, and where I am now.

Previous to my night of conception, I was a vibrant young 20 year old female. I was nearing the end of my third year in college, I spent a lot of my time at the gym, I was coaching a high school cheering team with my best friend, I was single, and I never expected to get pregnant. In fact I was not sexually active for over a year previous to this and I wasn’t planning on being sexually active. Which explains why I was not on birth control at the time.

I took a trip to Boston with my best friend to visit my cousin and his friends. We went to a small house party with just 5 guys and my best and I. I drank quite a lot of beer and I remember taking a one shot the whole entire night. I don’t remember anything after that shot. When I woke up in the morning I was clothed and alone in a bed. I was still very drunk and felt awful. My best friend was the one who woke me and the first thing she asked was if I had sex the night before. She explained that she heard someone in the room with me and she opened the door and saw one of the guys was naked so she shut the door thinking she was interrupting. I told her there was no way I would do that because I was not using birth control. Just in case though I asked the guys. They all either denied it or said they couldn’t remember anything. My friend was sure it happened though. I kind of let it slide thinking I would be okay. A month later I was two weeks late and took a pregnancy test. I of course was pregnant. I immediately got a hold of my cousin and asked him what he knew. He told me he didn’t know anything about what happened and to ask the other guys. I sent a message to each guy at the party asking if it happened without letting them know I was pregnant. They all again denied everything. I then let them all know I was pregnant and it was for sure from that night. After I admitted my pregnancy, I never again heard from any of them. In fact my own cousin stopped speaking to me. I am pro-life and abortion was completely out of the question. After a very emotional month, I started to look into adoption.

I love my child so much, and I would be a responsible and caring mother, no question. But I wanted my child to have a father, and a permanent home, and stability. I would do the best I could and my father would be a male figure in my child’s life, but I wanted more for him. I chose to have an open adoption. I started a long journey of finding out what I had to do and how I had to do it. I found a family on Adoption.org. After speaking with their adoption agent for a while, I finally arranged to meet them in person. I fell in love with the couple I chose. They are both in their thirties, they are unable to have children, married for 8 years, and the perfect two people to raise my child. We became very close over the following 6 months of my pregnancy.

Our baby was born November 30, 2011 after 16 long hours of labor. I tried to do the birth natural. I went 12 hours pushing before the doctor came in and asked me to please have an epidural. I was so tired that I had been falling asleep in between the contractions, he felt that I would be to exhausted to push. I felt defeated and went through with the epidural. An hour later I had not progressed and the doctor came back to tell me I would have to be induced. Again I felt defeated. It was two hours later that my doctor returned and said something was wrong, the baby was not dropping and I needed to have an emergency c section. I could not stop crying. I felt like a failure as a women. For years women had babies naturally and here I was unable. Thank God for my c section though, the umbilical cord was wrapped three times around my babies neck.

The adoption process was the hardest part. I had 2 weeks of legal custody even though my baby was with his parents during that time. For almost an entire month I saw baby and the parents every day before he finally got to move home. I have never felt heartbreak like I did the day I said goodbye. Thankfully I see pictures of him daily and I will be visiting him in 3 months. I have a lot of emotions still and I feel that emptiness everyday, but I am moving forward in my life.

In picking my life back up, I am trying to get back in the shape. Previous to my pregnancy I was 132 lbs and the day I gave birth I was 170 lbs. I am now 6 weeks and 4 days pp. Due to my c section, I was unable to exercise until this week. Thankfully pumping breast milk helped me loose the majority of my weight, I am now 138 lbs. I have started to exercise again but I feel awful about how I look and how hard it is to work out. I don’t know of any other women who have had a c section outside of older women. I can’t relate with anyone my age and I am feeling hopeless…

~Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6 weeks 4 days PP

Pictures:
The first picture is New Years Eve 2012.
The second is my baby and I two weeks pp.
The third is me 3 months pregnant with my best friend.
The fourth picture is me 38 almost 39 weeks.
The 5th and 6th are me at 36 weeks – pre stretch marks.
The last 3 pictures are me today at 6 weeks pp.

Miscarriage after giving my son up for adoption 20 years ago. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 17 Comments

I am a 37 year old mother I have a son whom I gave up for adoption at the age of 16 giving him a better life. Struggling with the thought of if I did the right thing all those years fighting suicide and many heartaches including cancer I managed to happily become pregnant last year and today would have been my babies due date. I was only 7w eeks along when I found out I was pregnant never missed a period, nothing I was so so excited when I finally heard the news I was having a baby the excitement was short lived I delivered a baby in my bathtub 2 weeks later with what I thought was just a kidney stone pain. It was the most excruciating heartbreaking time of my life. I had been cramping all day long but knew already I had a kidney stone something not rare for me. I was in so much pain I decided to get in the bath. Everything happened so fast I did not even have time to drive the 40 min from my small rural town to the city where the hospital was. When I entered the bath I had the most severe pain and started noticing small amount of blood my husband got me out and we went to research it on the computer, and called the dr. I could not find anything that truly explained what a miscarriage felt like what it looked like. My doctor called us back about 20 min later by this time I was already back in the bath trying to relieve the pain. I minutes later had a severe contraction which I now know was the pain and delivered my 9 week old baby.

We called our pastor and he came over and went to the hospital with us. I was bleeding so intensely and was in shock he and my husband boxed our lil baby up I was told by a cruel nurse to just flush it like it was a gold fish or something . We took it to the hospital with us and since it was considered a fetus there was nothing they could do at the hospital I was told I could take my baby and bury it at home in my flower garden or flush it or they could dispose of it. I was like really? How cruel its my baby. I chose to take it home and we buried it under a favorite tree with our pastor.

I am only writing this hoping I can be of help with someone hurting and or wanting to know what a miscarriage feels like . What a baby looks like I was told by the nurses at that size many do not even see their baby. They usually just pass it in the toilet. I however want others to know that I feel your pain and grieve with you. Your baby is your baby the minute you conceive. At 9 weeks I could make out his/her lil fingers , a lil mouth and even a nose. My body is not attractive anymore I received stretch marks when I was 16 with my son. I feel so ugly on the outside even at 37. I thought when I was in my 20s I would just get used to them and well they would fade , they have but are still there and I have a constant reminder that I gave someone a gift more precious than one could imagine.

Attached are 3 photos one of my miscarried baby last year and 2 of me 20 years after giving birth to my son stretch marks and all

Updated here.

My Story (Korin)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Belly, Breastfeeding, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 7 Comments

Hi, My name is Korin. Im 24 years old. Mother of 3.

I used to be tiny, athletic, and very in tuned with my weight before I had children. Before I got pregnant with my Birthdaughter, I was 5’5″, 130lbs, very muscular as I was in dance all through High School. I was 16 when I had her, weighing in at 178lbs before delivery, stretched out, scars everywhere. I was extremely self concious afterwards. Alot of it had to do with the fact that I gave her up for adoption, and that I had no baby to go along with the stretch marks. I stayed in dance throughout school and was able to get down to a healthy 145.

At the Age of 20, I gave birth to my son. With that pregnancy, I managed to put a whopping 75lbs on my 5’5″ frame. I also stretched out even more, what I thought was not possible…

After having him I got into a nice work out regimin and got back down to 155lbs. And had to be satisfied with that, because no more weight was dropping off…

Then at the age of 23 I gave birth to my Daughter. Not only was I super picky the whole pregnancy about my weight, I am even worse now afterwards. Luckily I couldnt stretch any more, but I did get back up to 200lbs..

Now Im 6 months post partum and having the hardest time with my weight by far. I have been breastfeeding exclusively, and that has helped me get into my pre pregnancy jeans.. but I have this stubborn flat tire around my waist that I cannot get rid of. I want to have surgery so bad just to get rid of it.. but I do not have the money. I am stuck at 165lbs. i seemed to have an extra 10lbs per kid attached to me… sigh

I know, I should appreciate the fact that I am not super obese, and am a healthy mother of three… but its quite hard when all I want to do is be happy with my body, and not beat myself up over it.

Thank you for reading.

My body has been destroyed, and I’ll have nothing to show for it: Update (Michelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 50 Comments

Pregnancies/Births: 1 pregnancy/birth
Age: 18
7 weeks postpartum

If you haven’t read my previous post, please do so, otherwise this one might not make too much sense.

I thought after I was no longer pregnant I would be devastated with how my body looked, but now I’m finding that I just don’t flat out care.

My due date was November 12 2010, and the day passed without a single sign of me beginning the first stage of labor. Then I lost my mucus plug and a few hours afterwards the contractions began. The next morning I went to the hospital and after checking me and monitoring me for an hour they sent me home, saying it would take me a while to dilate more (I was 1 cm but 70% effaced) and that my contractions only needed to be LONGER, because they were already pretty strong. So I spent the entire day in misery with horrible and painful contractions, not wanting to go back to the hospital just to be sent home again. That evening I went to the adoptive family’s house(the adoptive mom and I are close, she went to all of my appointments with me and was to be present for the birth) to labor there, and after less than an hour my water broke and off to the hospital we were! When they checked me I was 4 cm and begging for an epidural. Before I could get one though they had to get my IV in, and let me tell you, they took their damn sweet time doing that! My first nurse didn’t want to bother trying so she went and got another one to do it. I actually can’t remember much of that hour because the pain was so intense, but after they got the epidural in they waited ten minutes to check me again and found that I was 9 cms, after only an hour and a half at the hospital. No wonder I was in so much pain. They took me off the epidural medicine and then I started pushing, which was only for an hour, and my beautiful baby boy was born at 12:01 am on November 14th 2010, the day before national adoption day.

I had requested that he be taken out of the room immediately because I knew I would not be able to handle hearing him crying, hell, I didn’t know if I could handle meeting him the next morning either. He came out with the cord wrapped around his neck and couldn’t breathe for a few minutes, but when he started crying I started BAWLING. I have never cried so hard in my life or ever been in less control of my body before. Uncontrollable sobbing overtook me so much that I didn’t even feel the delivery of the placenta or the doctor stitching up my second degree tear. I sobbed for probably twenty minutes straight, and my baby wasn’t taken out of the room for the first ten minutes even though I had requested otherwise. To hear him crying… so many thoughts were running through my head. “How could I have ever thought about an abortion?” “I don’t want you out. Get back in my tummy.” “You’re mine, I can’t give you away.” “How could I have ever hated my body while you were in it?” And so many others. I was in complete emotional overload and lost complete control of my body. I was shaking so violently and sobbing so hard that I was sure there was nothing else in the world except the darkness behind my eyelids.

I still cry every time I remember his birth.

My boyfriend and I went to meet our baby around three that night. My boyfriend is 100% Korean so we were sure he would look exactly like his daddy… but it’s the opposite. He looked exactly like me. He had my chin. My cheekbones. My lips. My feet. My fingers. My forehead. My legs. Everything except his nose, which is a perfect mixture of the two of ours, his eyes, and his hair. Having him look like me made it so much harder to give him away.

Now that he isn’t in my tummy anymore I want my bulging belly back. I miss the heartburn every night, the way he got hiccups almost every hour, how he always stuck out his elbow from the side of my tummy. I want the acne back. I want every single bright purple stretch mark. I want my leaking breasts. I want the swollen feet, ankles, and hands. I want the carpal tunnel. I want to not be able to reach down and touch my feet. I want to be kept up all night because it’s so uncomfortable to lay in bed. I want it all back so I can have my baby in me another day. I feel vacant.

Empty.

Hollow.

I don’t care that my body is ravaged and destroyed, that this isn’t what an 18 year old body should look like. I just want my sweet baby boy that I carried for nine months. I should have cherished every day, instead of counting down until it was over. I can’t take back the things I said or the things I felt, as much as I wish could.

One of my nurses made me a plaster of his hand, and one of his foot too. I’m afraid that if I touch them they will become marked by my filthy touch, and I can’t look at them because I feel as if my gaze is unworthy. Every nurse I had in the hospital told me how proud they were of me and what a great thing I was doing, but no amount of praise can take the pain away. When I was in the hospital it was better because I knew my baby was down the hall from me. Safe, but still within reach. Now he isn’t. Every dream I’ve had since he was born has been either about him or how I’m no longer pregnant, but without a baby. I jolted awake the second night home from the hospital because I thought I heard him crying.

I know I made the best decision possible for my baby, that he will have such a wonderful life now, but it still is hard. I know I am going to need therapy.

When pregnant, I used to draw a smiley face on the shower door through the condensation every day while showering. My first shower back home was no different, but then after I drew it I realized that the last time I drew one my baby had hiccups and was contentedly snoozing in my tummy. I haven’t drawn one since.

Throughout my pregnancy, I gained 98 pounds, but I lost 40 of it two weeks after the birth. All of the “acne” that I had on my back, actually turned out to be the PUPPS rash, and it cleared up after labor. The worst case she’d ever seen, my nurse had said. So bad, that my entire back is scarred up from it. My stretch marks are terrible; in my armpits, on my sides, breasts, stomach, all down my inner AND outer thighs, on my entire butt, behind my knees and on my calves, and halfway down the backs of my thighs.I know they will never go away.

I’ve gone to see my baby on multiple occasions now, and it is seven weeks since I had him. He doesn’t look so much like me anymore, but he is so beautiful, and my body is equally as beautiful, because it created such a wonderful brand new human being that I am going to be tied to for the rest of my life. I created and nurtured a human being for nine months and went through labor, the most natural and primal thing that can happen to a person. I now feel like I can go through anything in life and I KNOW I will survive.

My baby is beautiful, and so am I.

Picture # 1 is 5 days postpartum
Picture # 2 is 7 weeks postpartum (not much of a difference, as you can see)
Picture # 3 is my baby an hour after he was born
Picture # 4 baby at 5 weeks
Picture # 5 baby at 5 weeks again

My body has been destroyed, and I’ll have nothing to show for it. (Michelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Legs, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom

Age – 18
Number of pregnancies – 1

I’ve been on this site countless times, reading other women’s stories because I am trying to cope with how much my body is changing, and have been debating for months now on whether to post my story or not. Well, it’s a bit long, but here goes!

I was 17 and a senior in high school when I found out I was pregnant, and had only been sexually active for less than two months. THAT’S IT. I’ve always been the good girl in my class and people have disliked me for it, because for some reason to them it was disgraceful that I didn’t do drugs, drink, party, or have sex. I’d never even had a boyfriend before the man who got me pregnant. My boyfriend and I were very much in love, and knew we would be together for a long time because we had endured a long-distance relationship for the longest time, but nevertheless, I am having the most difficult time dealing with him during this pregnancy.

I am currently almost 38 weeks pregnant with a baby boy that we are giving up for adoption to a wonderful couple that has tried to have a child for over ten years. This wasn’t my original plan, however. A week after my mom found out I was pregnant she drove me two hours away to have an abortion. I knew that there was no possible way I could parent this child or deal with the emotional aftermath of giving them up for adoption, so for me abortion was the best decision. At the clinic, however, they told me I was 15 weeks along and to have an abortion would be a two-day procedure. Obviously, we’d have to set up another appointment and come back later, much to my mother’s disappointment. She was pretty enraged by the whole situation.

After coming back home and talking it over with my boyfriend, he told me that he wanted to go through with an adoption. “Great!” I thought. Because I would be staying pregnant, all of my plans for the next year would be put on hold. A selfish thought, I know. I also thought that my belly would grow, I’d give birth, and then the whole ordeal would be over with.

I was very wrong.

Even though I haven’t eaten nearly enough to gain so much weight, it’s in my genetics to gain incredible amounts of weight during pregnancy. Pre-pregnancy I was a tiny, cute girl weighing 125 and standing at 5’ 7”, now I weigh 217 and I haven’t even given birth yet. My in-between 34 B- C boobs have gone to a 40 DD, I have acne all over my face, my back, and my chest when I didn’t have acne at all before, I have a disgusting amount of new moles and freckles EVERYWHERE, and I have deep, purple stretch marks all over my boobs, stomach, sides, butt, the tops and backs of my thighs as well as on my inner thighs, and behind my knees and on my calves. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I’m constantly in pain. Some days I can’t even get out of bed because I will be sobbing from the pain my body is in. My feet and face swell constantly to where they don’t look human anymore.

And on top of the physical changes I have to deal with, I have to deal with this emotional roller coaster of giving my baby up for adoption. Just after typing that sentence I began to cry! I find myself crying constantly now, and I don’t have support from ANYONE. I haven’t left my house (except to dr appts) in over five months because I am so ashamed of myself; my body and my decision. I spend every day in my room with only the company of my kitten, Sophie. In a day I talk to her more than I will talk to another human being in two weeks. I still live at home, and my family constantly makes remarks about my weight or the stretch marks or the acne, it’s just always something. They make fun of me. They criticize me for my choice. They talk about me when they don’t think I can hear them. And to top it all off, my boyfriend is, to put blatantly, being a butt. He is so rude to me, and even went as far as to say that he wished this wasn’t happening. HELLO! You’re the one that decided this! He tells me that my stretch marks “better be gone within a few months” and that he doesn’t even want to be in the delivery room with me when I’m in labor. I feel like I am dealing with this pregnancy all by myself, and to tell the truth, I am. No one ever offers to help me do anything. I almost 10 months pregnant and I’m still cleaning an entire house in which six people and three cats live in by myself.

I feel the kicks and movements of my baby all by myself, because there is no one to share this joy with. I wanted an abortion because I didn’t want me and my baby to deal with this lifelong choice and the effects it will have on us. I already am extremely depressed, and I know that postpartum it will only be multiplied. I still haven’t decided if I want to meet my baby after he is born, because frankly I don’t know if I can handle it.

I just turned 18; my body has been destroyed and after the grueling hours of labor I won’t even be holding the beautiful baby boy I created and nurtured for nine months. So it almost feels like I’ve done all of this for nothing.

I would have posted a picture of my entire body, but I don’t have anyone willing to take one for me so these will have to do.

Pic #1 is pre-pregnancy. (Excuse the dazed look, I was listening to someone jabbering)
Pic #2 is of my swollen feet
Pic #3 is of the stretch marks on my left inner-thigh
Pic #4 is of my side view

Updated here.

Was it All Worth it? (Emily)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Adoption, Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Teen Mom 16 Comments

Age-20
Number of pregnancies-2, One birth, One abortion
Post Partum 4 years

My story starts at the age of 15. I met my first love at my sophomore Homecoming Dance. I was dancing with a guy friend of his when he came up and starting talking to us. I immediately thought he was cute. He was two years older which also apealed to me. We danced and at the end of the dance i got his number. We started dating a week later and i lost my virginity to him 4 days after we started dating. I was very naive to have sex so soon. He used protection at first but after awhile we stopped. We were very much in love or atleast at the time we thought so. After dating for a litlle over 2 months i found out i was pregnant. I actually found out when i went to the doctor with my mom to get on the pill. I was very upset by this but i had my family and my boyfriends support. We considered abortion but ended up not doing it and we decided to give the baby up. As the months progressed we started feeling the baby move and decided we couldn’t part with him or her. We soon found out it was a she and were very excited. My boyfriend was great and spent every minute with me that he wasn’t working. We decided before she was born to name her Isabelle Corrin. I was 102lbs and 5’3 before i got pregnant and by the time i had her i was 148lbs. I got strethc marks everywhere and being young and naive i thought they would just disapear after she was born. She was born on September 15th 2006. The next two months were miserable. Her father and I split up temporarily and there was complete chaos. After a month and a half of trying to be parents we realized we weren’t fit to be parents yet. I was 16 and he was 18 and we weren’t accomplishing our goals and we were both very depressed. We told our family we were going to give her up for adoption and of course they were upset. We were as well because we did love our daughter. We ended up giving her up legally to her fathers aunt and uncle who already had 3 children and were great parents. That was final in March 07, but we handed her over to them in November 06. In december of 06 my boyfriend and the babies father joined the National guard. And with the stress of the adoption and fear for him having to deploy i packed back on the 20lbs i had lost right after the birth. When he left for basic in June of 07 i was 142lbs i worked hard over the 4 months he was gone to get down to 130. It wasn’t easy for me to lose weight and i wish i would have lost more that summer. Over the next two years i stayed around that weight and was very insecure and that caused alot of problems with my ex and i. We ended up breaking up around our 3 year anniversary. After the break up i lost 10lbs and was at 120lbs. I was very happy with how i looked and for months i maintained that weight until i got pregnant by a guy i had been serious with for 4 months. I was pregnant 9 weeks before i had an abortion and ended up gaining 10lbs in that 9 weeks. So once again i was really insecure. Ended up staying with that guy for 5 more months after the abortion until i met my wonderful fiance. He is great and i love him so much! But i still struggled with my insecuriets even though he always gave me compliments. Took me like 10 months into our relationship to actually feel confident. I lost 17lbs and got down to my lowest weight of 113. I am now 115-117 depending on the week of my cycle. I still have some insecurities but not as much. I am going to start exercising to tone up my body more in these next 8 months my fiance is deployed. We have lived together for the last year and been together 15months. I love him to death and hope he comes home safelly. He will finally be out of the guard when he returns.

The Sacrifice of a Mom (Cat)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions

~Number of pregnancies and births: Four Pregnancies, Two Births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: My oldest turned 3 on Aug 27 and my youngest turned 10 months on Aug 29. So, 10 months.

When I was 18 years old, I found myself pregnant with my first child. My pregnancy was easy, until the heartburn and food sensitivity started in my second trimester. When I was about 30 weeks pregnant, the stretch marks came. Belly, butt, thighs, behind my knees, and I got cellulite on my butt and thighs for the first time in my life. After I had my son, in my opinion, my body was abused and looked disgusting. I ended up with postpartum depression, I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I gave my son up for adoption to a very loving family. I always looked like I was 4 to 5 months pregnant. Although I didn’t know it then, my son had caused my thyroid to crap out. I couldn’t lose weight, and on top of that, I got a severe hormone imbalance. I didn’t know what to do with myself, I felt fat and I had stretch marks everywhere, and I had no baby in my arms. I felt like…people are just going to think I am fat, they wont know that I had a baby. When my son was a year and a half, I got pregnant with my second baby boy. At this time I was more ready for motherhood, and I embraced the body that was growing my little bean. I was so happy to have him in my life. I do feel sad to this day that I did not connect with my oldest son, and hopefully I can make up for it later in life. My youngest was born, and I still looked like I was 4 months pregnant, and still do 10 months later. At 2 months, my baby got a vaccine with egg in it, which he is allergic to. Things went downhill…. Four months of breastfeeding, and my body gave out. My son had severe allergies to nearly everything, and I couldn’t eat enough to feed him. At four months of age, I had to stop breastfeeding and give him special formula. By this time, I was still very heavy, 5’7″ and almost 200 pounds. I didn’t care though, because I had my precious baby. I had a lot of problems with my health and mental health during this time to. There were a few instances where I couldn’t take the crying and screaming, because he was in so much pain, I had to walk out. I felt like a horrible mom. At 6 months of age, he was still miserable, he had eczema all over his body, and cried most of the time. We couldn’t get doctors to do anything for him, so we gave him up for adoption to a family who had all the same allergies that he has, and the money to take him to doctors. It’s been 4 months since the adoption, and my skin is saggy and marked with scars, I’m 60 pounds overweight, but that’s okay. I’m okay with it now, because I grew two beautiful boys in this body, and I love them more than life. I have a tattoo on my chest with my youngest sons foot prints, so although I have imperfections, I have my sweet boy close to my heart at all times and people can see that I do have kids and I am not just fat for no reason.