5+ Years Postpartum

My Tears (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 20+ Years Postpartum, 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 17 Comments

I came across this website after following a link at the bottom of an article on government fiscal policy of all things.

Without reading a single story, just the opening statement, I found myself in tears. Not a soft, delicate, salty trickle of shared sadness, but a harsh, tsunami of tears, so hot I thought my cheeks would blister. If my reaction to this site took anyone by surprise, it was certainly myself. But with those tears came a sudden epiphany – a deep and startlingly profound understanding of myself, and how I see myself and, hence, my world.

I have always had body image issues. As a young teen I was a curvy, top heavy size 12 and my friends model thin, flat chested size 6 and 8. There has never been a time in my life where I haven’t been focussed on my weight, my size or my shape to one degree or another, and not in a positive way. When I look back now, I am amazed at how good I looked as a teen and I feel sadness that I was so obsessed with wanting to be Kate Moss thin like my friends that I didn’t appreciate how healthy and normal I was.

I had my first child at 19, my second at 22, my third at 31. Each pregnancy saw me stay a little heavier and my body shape change a little more, but I wasn’t obsessed by it, even though I was still always dieting and wanting to look better and thinner. Overall it was ok – my, then, husband liked my body, I was still a size 13/14, and my baby pouch which had nurtured our three babies, was just a part of me.

When my marriage failed everything changed. I found myself in another relationship with an attractive, successful and yet, on reflection, controlling and misogynistic man who had me constantly apologising for my weight and size and just about every other aspect of me. When I fell pregnant naturally at age 43, he stopped touching me – wouldn’t come near me, all physical, and emotional, connection ceased suddenly, and he started a string of affairs with numerous women that continued until I left the relationship with an 18 month old baby and a very differently sized and shaped body. If I thought my body changed after pregnancy in my 20’s and 30’s I didn’t know what to think about the changes from a pregnancy and a natural birth in my early 40’s.

I’ve been living on my own for a year now, but in reality I’ve been alone for three, and if I am honest much longer, as I now know the affairs started before the pregnancy. I suffered severe post natal depression, which continues now as just regular garden variety depression since my daughter is now 26 months old.

Every aspect of my life has deteriorated, including my once successful career, and relationships with my older children, family and friends have been affected and infected as I have isolated myself. I have no confidence, no self esteem, no value in myself. The simple act of dressing every morning is an emotional hurdle finding something to wear that “minimises my fatness”.

I feel inferior to colleagues at work, embarrassed taking my daughter to toddler dance class because of what the other mothers might think of me, I avoid time with dear old school friends because I am embarrassed. I would like an intimate relationship, but can’t even contemplate that a man I would find attractive would even give me a second look – overweight, cellulite, saggy breasts and a, now, very pronounced baby pouch.

If the father of my child rejects me because of how I look, how my body is, how can I expect anyone else to accept me

My epiphany is that I suddenly realised I have allowed the loathing and hate I have for my body to determine the self-image I have in every aspect of my life. And that’s stupid. How I look doesn’t affect my skill at work, or the love I have for my children and family or the quality of my friendships. I’ve spent the last few years investing in tummy tamers, hold me in undies and fantasising about affording a boob job, tummy tuck, arm thinning, liposuction and a multitude of other surgeries to make me “acceptable” to the world.

The reality is, if I do not love me, I can never let anyone else love me. Self-sabotage is a vicious disease.
My body tells my story –every bump, lump, lovehandle, stretchmark and wrinkle – but it does not define who I am. If people can’t see beyond the lumps and bumps on my body that tell my story they doesn’t deserve to be part of that story

I need to see beyond the lumps and bumps on my body that tell my story. I need to accept and love and like myself.
And I suspect that there are going to be a lot more tears before I can do that.

092713-anon-1

My Story (Marie)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 36 Comments

Hi, I’m Marie. I have a 5 year old daughter. I’m a single mom since my husband left me, and I’ve been single and celibate for 5 years now. I would love to remarry and have a companion, a lover, and a father-figure for my daughter. But I am so insecure and ashamed of my post-pregnancy body that I refuse to get close to any guy, refuse to be seen naked, heaven forbid try to have sex. I know I should be more mature than this, and less shallow when it comes to physical beauty, but for 5 years I’ve been ashamed of my body and I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling ugly and unworthy because of it.

I got countless stretch marks during pregnancy. My belly is covered from belly button all the way down to where pubic hair starts. My hips and thighs and upper buttocks are covered in stretch marks, too. My breasts as well, covered, and even the backs of my calves. The deepest ones are on my belly and breasts. If I stand far away in good lighting you can’t see them, because they’ve faded mostly white, and my skin is fair. But They are still deep, and countless. I also have some looseness of skin on my belly and my breast’s skin is not as taut as it was before pregnancy. My breasts themselves also became lower and “empty” feeling immediately following pregnancy/end of breast feeding. So I feel like my breasts are pretty saggy for my age and the fact that I’ve only had one child.
I didn’t know what to expect with pregnancy. Nobody told me about stretch marks or loose skin or abdominal muscles tearing, etc, etc. I didn’t know about vitamin E oil and that it can/might/sometimes helps/prevents/reduces/softens stretch marks and loose skin acquired during pregnancy. I feel horrible that I did not oil myself, as one is supposed to, during pregnancy. I feel like if I had, then maybe I would not have gotten stretch marks and loose skin, maybe my breasts would have stayed more taut, maybe it would have just reduced the number and/or severity of my stretch marks and loose skin..but it’s obviously too late now, and I’ll never know. Now I feel like since 1. my body is ruined and 2. it is my fault that it is ruined that 1. I am ugly and 2. unworthy of a husband/lover/additional pregnancies.

I’ve included some photos of myself, but remember that the resolution is so poor that my deep stretch marks do not really show. I don’t have a good camera, only a webcam with fuzzy resolution. But hopefully some of the loose skin and breast sagginess is visible enough to prove the legitimacy of my concerns. Trust me, you can’t see my stretchmarks in the pics, but they are deep and countless and all over my body.

Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 20+ Years Postpartum, 5+ Years Postpartum, Adoption, Child Loss, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 2 Comments

Previous post here.

I have a incredible update to my story. My son I gave up for adoption well his dad and I got married. We got reunited with our son on our wedding day. He and his family was at our wedding. His adoptive parents are amazing my son is now 22 and I have never been happier. I have learned through all of my life experiences that everything happens for a reason and there is a plan for each thing we face in life whether it be bad or good. I have never felt sexier, more beautiful, and complete in all my life. I will always greive for the loss of my baby but know that someday I will be reunited with him. These pics were taken just a month ago. I believe that when you love yourself love will find you. My body is not perfect no where close to perfect there are things I wish were different but I know that every flaw I see is part of the beauty in my life. Each stretch mark each grey hair and the well not perfectly toned body is all part of being a mom. One of the greatest gifts in the world. I am going to be 39 here real soon and am embracing my age and my life. I encourage all of you to love yourself you become a better lover, a better mom, a better wife/girlfriend. When you love yourself your truly able to give all of you to the ones you love

Love/Hate Relationship With My Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 14 Comments

I was 18 when I got pregnant so being that young and still kind of dealing with the insecurities I had then didn’t help what was going to come along with pregnancy. I hadn’t started really gaining weight till about 5/6 months then I shot up in weight. My pre-pregnancy weight started at 150/155 I ended with a weight of 220… I will say having the father of my daughter gone all the time partying and being stuck alone with his family did not help but no excuse. We had a young and dumb relationship I caught him watching porn all the time so that didn’t help I knew it wasn’t my fault that he was the one with the problem but I just couldn’t help but to think I’m disgusting/fat/saggy/with stretch marks everywhere.

It’s been 1 1/2 yrs. since we split up but I still hate me. My friends and family say I look great but they are just friends and family they wouldn’t tell me what I really looked like(in my head) I am down to 174 with only 20 pounds to go to loose. I have done all the diets no eating..eating right/exercising/taking phentermine/liquid diet..Nothing makes me feel better. I am currently engaged to the most amazing God loving man I had longed for the past 6 years. He is amazing to not only me but most importantly my daughter! He says all the time how much he loves my body..That it’s beautiful and sexy mainly because of what I see as flaws. He says my body is a woman’s body that brought a beautiful little girl into to the world and that everything about it is perfect. WHY CANT I BELIEVE HIM????????? I love myself to an extent..but I feel such shame a selfishness because I know my body did something amazing and while that something amazing is laying on the floor in front of me playing with her barbies, so perfect, beautiful, loving and everything else a mom feels for their child I can’t help but to look at my sagging/stretch marks with extreme disgust…I feel ashamed in myself for even being so negative..

So with all that being said this website is AMAZING!! Y’all are an inspiration and completely beautiful! I don’t look at any of these pictures or stories how I look at myself..I see all of yall as beauty queens with “an amazing woman’s body”(like my fiancé tells me) Thank you all for sharing!!

God Bless!!!!!

Pregnancies: 1
Age: 24
Daughters Age: 5(6 in December!!! =D )

My Dear Belly (M.B.)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

My name is M.B., I am 30 years old and live in germany. I’ve got one daughter. She is nine years old now and in all those years I never found a way to accept the shape of my belly. I am doing a lot of sports, which makes me skinner and more strength through the years, but nothing ever changed this skin looking they way it does. Whenever I stretch myself in a yoga-class, so that my belly gets to be seen, I feel ashamed and lose my grip. I totally loose my breathing and get out of training. Or in summertimes, when my daughter, my boyfriend and me go swimming I always think, that everybody is just starring at my shink. I often felt uncomfortable for my body and always felt like having the responsibility to work on that. So thank you for this wonderful idea, which I totally support. Let’s not feel bad about our humanity. Respect my belly! It carried a human.

Peace,
M.B.

Stretch Marks for Life! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 16 Comments

I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant. It was definitely the scariest but also the happiest moment of my life.

I had an easy pregnancy for the most part. Aside from a little sciatica and heart burn, I was loving life. I couldn’t wait to be a mom, and I found myself maturing very quickly over those first few months.

Then I developed PUPPS rash around 36 weeks. It was awful. I couldn’t sleep at night; a rash covered my entire body. My doctors told me I could be induced early to relieve the rash. No way! I wanted my boy to stay put as long as he felt necessary, so that’s what I did

A week after my due date, my son was born. The little boy the doctors said would be “average”, seven and a half pounds at the very most, came into the world at a whopping nine pounds, seven ounces, and 23 3/4 inches long.

He decided to come mere minutes before they were going to be forced to perform a C-Section. I pushed for 3 1/2 hours, and when he finally arrived, he had the biggest cone-head I had ever seen! Needless to say, I fell immediately in love.

Within a few months, I’d lost the baby weight and was back to my usual size: 5’1″ and 105 pounds. It’s hard to see my belly button these days because the extra skin never went away. My breasts are saggy and they have multiple stretch marks as well. Thank God for pushup bras! :P I may not be up to wearing a bikini or a two-piece bathing suit anytime soon, but that’s okay, because when I look at these stretch marks and flabby skin, they remind me of a time of strength and love.

He’s now five years old and in the 99th percentile for weight and height and extremely smart. I love answering questions when people ask how on earth I ended up with such a big child. Some people get tattoos to signify a special time in their life; I have these stretch marks, and they are nothing to be ashamed of!

These stretch marks represent this strong, healthy boy, the most important boy I’ll ever have in my life.

Motherhood is Empowering (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

I am 40 years old in this photo. After 7 pregnancies, I am blessed to be the mother of an 11-year-old, an 8-year-old and a 6-year-old. Being a mother has taught me to take ownership of my life and my place in this world, and to be the best woman I can be in every way. I work hard to stay fit and healthy, yet I have stretch marks and extra skin like any other mother, and I embrace it all because I know that my daughters take their cues from me and will see themselves accordingly. I strive to inspire them the way they inspire me!

(Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 2 Comments

24 year old mother of three 5 years postpartum I wish i was wiser and did not scratch those itchy stretchmarks being that i was only a child myself, my first pregnancy choices as far as my tummy goes. weren’t the best I Have had all birth’s delivered by c section. I Have forfitted my youthful figure with childbearing. I excercise, when i have time but have are hard time with bellyfat. Recently got my tattoo hoping id feel sexier, but really want a tummy tuck.

My Battle Scars – Otherwise Known as My Belly (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 14 Comments

I am a 37 year old mother of 3 (ages 15, 9 & 7 yrs old). Lets just say I was done family planning by the time I was 30 yrs old.

I was always a fit person before having children, working out 3x a week and was a former gymnast and track star. But that all changed once I started to have children. My son was born when I was just 22 years old. I gained 55lbs with him, considering I used to be a size 4…that was devastating. But I loved being pregnant, however I retained a lot of water. After he was born it took me over a year to get back down to a size 6. Which I was more than happy about.

Then came my daughter 6 years later, followed by my youngest in which they were only 18 months apart. And again it was hard work to lose the weight and to get to where I am now.

I have over 10lbs to lose but I don’t want to be a size 0…I’m voluptuous …and I don’t mind. I have a personal trainer in which he tells me I have more muscle than fat and not to beat myself up too much. So in the meantime, I am working very hard to get rid of my saggy belly and to firm up, I will not consider surgery, besides I’m not a celebrity no one will really care after all…but I’m doing this for me!

My husband has been very supportive and showers me with compliments all the time, we are very much still in love and have been married for 12 years now. The reason why I am posting this is because my husband thinks I’m beautiful and loves my body despite my stretch marks (which have faded) but he doesn’t mind my saggy belly either, I told him he must be crazy because I hate my body.

When going on vacations I was very self conscience and would only wear a tankini’s or a one piece suit (which I hate!) But our next trip coming up is to Cancun and I got the courage to buy a bikini and show off my marks! I decided that as long as my husband didn’t care, why should I right? After all I’m happily married with wonderful children right? So I went shopping with the hubby and he bought me a Marc Jacobs bikini! I still can’t believe I bought it considering the price…I wanted my body to look decent before I spent that kind of $ on a bikini but my hubby was encouraging and voila…I’m showing you my pic!

I even asked my youngest girls how I looked in it (and since children are very honest) they said “you look good mommy!” and that put a smile on my face! So for those who are depressed about the saggy skin or the stretch marks after having children, I say go for it and buy that bikini! After all, I think to myself every line … every bulge was so worth it!

Thanks for reading my story!