Skinny Moms, I have a Problem with You (Amanda)

Okay, let me get more specific here. Skinny moms that tell other women that you have a flat belly a month or two after giving birth to your second child because you have to chase child number 1 around. I have a problem with you. Big time.

Can you please just be honest with the rest of us, and admit that you have amazing genes? Because I don’t believe you. Not one bit.

This morning, I headed to my baby’s library class, and a mom with a two year old and a two month old came for the first time. Her stomach was flat. Like, this baby just appeared at the end of the marathon I ran and here we are flat. I asked how old the baby was not because of the moms stomach but because he was little and cute. When she answered “Two months,” the librarian who is probably in her 50s and has a slight mom belly despite being rather thin for her age and frame remarked, “Two months, and you look like that? That is ridiculously unfair.” The rest of us were thinking it as we awkwardly avoided glancing at each other’s or our own bellies. Then, the skinny mom flatly responded, “Oh, well, I chase her around so that’s what has me looking so good again.” And I had to hold my mouth not to scream. “BULL SHIT, I don’t believe you.” I mean, really, ladies, you know who you are. Chasing a two year old for two months is not what gives you washboard abs after baby number 2.

Why do women lie to each other? Is it purposeful or is it just that hard to accept you are one of the lucky ones? And you don’t count if it took you more than two months to get your body back.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant and woman after woman told me to pick up cocoa butter or vitamin E or olive oil or skinny butterfly juice (I made that one up) or whatever it was that they slathered on their belly while pregnant that caused them to come out the other end with no stretch marks. I remember reading article after article that said some things could make stretch marks worse like too rapid of weight gain, but if you are destined to get them, all the cocoa butter in the world won’t stop them. And I religiously rubbed Burt’s Bees Mama Bee cream all over my body. Even my toes. Just in case. And my husband would try to gently comment that it smelled gross, but I didn’t care. I watched the grease soak through my bra, my shirt, the pregnancy pants panel that covered my whole belly, and I sat there so optimistic that the more grease seeping through the less likely stretch marks were on their way.

I begged my OB at the time for a secret. I wouldn’t tell anyone, if she just told me how to not get stretch marks. She bluntly replied, “If there was a cream that prevented stretch marks, do you think I’d be here? I’d be somewhere else selling it.” And so, after months of wasting money and time, one day, my first stretch mark began to appear. I convinced myself that it took mine longer to appear than most women who had serious stretch marks appeared. But I lied. They came in, and while they aren’t as bad as some. They’re still here.

I remember heading to my midwife’s office five weeks postpartum, and I’d already lost 28 pounds just from breastfeeding, but my belly looked five months pregnant. She okayed me to start working out when my body felt okay, and she warned me that my abs had separated during pregnancy. So my back would start to hurt more and more if I didn’t start doing abs to try to bring the muscles back together. That was back when I was sleeping 3 hours total in a 24 hour period because my baby and I were having so much trouble breastfeeding.

I went home and tried to do a sit up, and I damn near died it hurt so much. Then, later, I tried to run on the treadmill, and I thought my lady parts were going to fall out.

So I didn’t run for a long time, and when I finally started moving again, I stuck to walking. I worked my way up to crunches with two 5-lb weights, and while my stomach is nowhere near flat, 9 months out, I don’t look quite as pregnant as I once did. Most days I proudly show my husband and son the almost abs I’m getting back. You know the ones you can see surrounded by my mom bulge? And I usually feel great about my body, but some days, I hide my stomach behind my backpack when I’m in a group of people so that people don’t look at my belly for too long.

~Age: 30
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1/1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 9 months

84 thoughts on “Skinny Moms, I have a Problem with You (Amanda)

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 11:34 am

    I think you’re being a bit harsh on people that actually return back to how they were. So what if it’s genes or as you say they’re the lucky ones (not me). We should be happy for them, not bitter. We’re women and we should stand together not being horrible to one another. I think good for them, the ones that do. I’m not one of the lucky ones as you put it, but I found this quite offensive.

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 11:46 am

    I dont know what you’re talking about… you look pretty darn flat to me! I chuckled at your abs comment, as I also like to show these “abs” to my honey :) I think you look great!

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    crunches/situps will NOT help bring your ab muscles back together, in fact, that type of exercise only makes the separations WORSE. You need to do core-strengthening workouts instead, like planks and “supermans” (google them)

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Whew your stomach looks so much better than mine!. I haves tons and tons of stretchies. I won’t surgically remove them because I’m proud of them…just not proud enough to show them to the whole world.

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    Well to be honest, I think having separated abs makes a huge difference. I worked hard and lost all the weight pretty quick, but still looked pregnant becuase of the ab separation. I guarantee the skinny mom of the 2 month old didn’t have separated abs. And that gives her a huge advantage. But we all have to play the cards we’re dealt. I try not to get too depressed about my abs. I just keep working on them. Not only for looks but because it’s good for your core and posture, etc. And to avoid complications (like hernias) with future pregnancies.
    My advice. Don’t do sit ups. They are way too hard on your back and can actually strengthen and set your abs where they are, which would be hard to fix. Do a google search for “core exercise” or “postpartum workout,” etc. Sparkpeople has a good one.
    Good luck.

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    i’m nine months out too. the weight is gone but surely not from chasing any one. and it DID not fall off in two months. ps: i’m covered in stretch marks from chest to knees. some of us are just lucky i guess :)

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    I will admit, I am one of those women. I know I’m extraordinarily lucky with how quickly and–please don’t hate me–effortlessly I bounced back after my daughter.

    My closest friend and I had our babies two weeks apart. She’s in the gym 5x/week, has been religiously doing the South Beach diet, and has tried every trick in the book to get back her pre-baby body. At 6 months PP, she says her belly looks like it did at 5 months pregnant. On the other hand, I haven’t worked out at all and halfheartedly watch what I eat when I think about it, and lost all the baby weight and had a flat belly at 2 months PP.

    It really put a strain on our friendship at first because it’s so profoundly unfair that I should have it so easy while she works so hard. I wish wish wish it could be easy for her too!

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    I understand how you feel. In the same way that you hate skinny moms, I hate the people who are blessed with minimal to no stretchmarks. I would do anything to have a beautiful smooth stomach like you! I got the flat stomach but I got stretchmarks from pits to ankles. And just so you know, you are not even a year pp and you have almost no stretchmarks AND your stomach is flat! You have no idea how many women are jealous of you.

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    Ummm yeah…dont be so jealous.

    I have had 2 children, my last only a few months ago and to be honest, I ate very well during my preg, didnt gorge on mc donalds, junk or pop or crap food. I worked out up until 8 months. I took care of my body and didnt feed it garbage. In turn my stomach was flat shortly after giving birth, 27 inch waist once again, both times. My body looks great naked. I treated it well. I feel a bit offended by you having a problem with us skinny moms who look great after kids. Sure SOME women have great genes, and SOME work at their bodies and dont sit around and watch tv all day because they are pregnant, that is how you will get a pooch and look not the same after a baby. I work out at least 30-60 minutes everyday, if you can spend an hour in front of the tv you can work out. So dont get all pissy at women, like me…who look great after 2 kids. I worked at it, disciplined myself and ate healthy. I know the owner of this site wont put this up because Iam bashing you for attacking women like us, but fair is fair why is it ok for you to bash us skinny fit moms??? I think ppl need to read this, if you eat well and workout your body should be fine after a baby, maybe you will have some loose skin, but oh well thats the luck of the draw. I see so many fat moms who give me dirty looks because I do look great, can wear sexy jeans and nice shirts, dont get mad at me for taking pride in my body.

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    I’m not sure how I feel about this…
    Are you talking about the moms that have ripping abs 2 month PP, or the moms that are really thin but still have loose skin and stretch marks?
    Because I am thin, thinner than pre-pregnancy, but I have the loose sagging skin and stretch marks.
    And as one of the previous posters said, I am happy for the moms who bounce back. I’m glad it is 1 less person to have to struggle with body image issues and low self esteem.
    We are all mothers and we need to stand united as such.
    So your article, it seemed a little harsh..

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    I can totally relate to you! One of my closest and only “mom friends” has a son a little younger than my son who is 2. While I am carrying a whopping 15 extra pounds of baby weight, she has actually LOST weight compared to what she was pre-pregnancy. It is so hard for me to fully appreciate and care for her as a friend when I am constantly comparing myself to her. When we take our sons to the pool or park, she will always strip down to a skinny bikini and everybody looks at her flawless, unbelievable mom body…while I try to hide as much of my skin as possible. I think that some women just have incredibible genes and their metabolisms are crazy perfect, and they can snap back instantly. I was always a really skinny slight person before I had my son, and apparantly not just my body, but my metabolism chanaged after pregnancy too! I think the important thing is to just realize, everybodys body is so differant, there is no way to compare or contrast your body to another moms body. It is impossible, I know! Hang in there, you look GREAT!..

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    Definitely planks are the BEST AB exercise!!

    If you click on my name it links to my story, I did not bounce back right away and I have always hated my stomach even before my son. I am more confident in my belly now then pre-pregnancy and I contribute it mostly to planks. I wore a bikini more this past summer then I have in my whole life combined

    Everyone will have different results based on their body, I still have a little lower pooch, but you will definitely see an improvement (If tighter abs is what you are aiming for, not everybody is)

    Start with trying to hold it for 30 sec- 1 min, and I think you see better results if you try to contract your muscles the whole time, you might not be able to hold it as long if you are contracting hard but it will work your abs better.

    Hope this helps, i’ve been slacking on them lately trying to get back into my routine for the summer. I usually do them at night during T.V. commercials :) Also push-ups help, you are working your abs through-out the movement.

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    What are you talking about, your stomach looks great. From the pictures, I only saw 5 tiny stretchmarks..I am 3 years PP and they are still visible. Just like you, I spent so much money on creams, those greasy yucky ones you slather on praying it will “prevent” stretchmarks but nothing. I don’t consider myself heavy but I have had to sacrifice to lose my pregnancy weight and it does upset me to see women bounce back like nothing after 2 or 3 months (maybe because I always thought I would be one of them). Even more upsetting is that she would make a comment like that in front of a group of other moms, I too would be annoyed! Its not like the other mothers aren’t chasing their babies around, you dont see them with washboard abs! This situation was purely genetics and I understand why you would be upset; but by that same token maybe next time a situation like that arises maybe you should tactfully say what you are feeling. Sometimes people need reality checks, not to put her down but to help her understand how she might be making other mothers feel.

    Oh my post is

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    I think you look great! My sister is someone who bounced back to her pre-pregnancy body right away. In fact, I think it was two weeks or so after my nephew was born that we were at the mall and people were congratulating ME on my cute baby… That’s how good she looked :) We shouldn’t begrudge those who bounce back quickly, it just makes us feel worse about ourselves to aspire to something that is not the norm. I look quite similar to you at 10 months pp… Regardless of how you look (and you have nothing to worry about there hun!) confidence is the key to being sexy… Not a six pack! Actually, I just put my old belly ring back in the other day to decorate and celebrate my acceptance of the new me :)

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    So if she said “good genetics” you would have been happy with her answer? Don’t be such a hater just because it didn’t come easy to you.

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    IMO, once you get past the shock of the title of this post, it is not about the body or the method, rather the lack of understanding of another person’s situation. Frankly, I see this from women of all shapes. Those who bounced back ASSUME others didn’t work so hard. Those whose bodies changed ASSUME the others have “better” genes. What would benefit us all is to take a step back and try to imagine what many, many different situations each individual may have lived through.

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    I am one of those moms that gets my stomach back quickly. I think it is part genetics but more so from eating sensibly during pregnancy and being in good shape before getting pregnant. Now I can tell you I just had my second baby two months ago and my stomach is flat but my boobs officially hang lower than my 65 year old mother. Hey, you win some and you loose some, thank god for good bras!

  • Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 10:57 pm

    i feel you. i can be a hater too. i get jealous. i get annoyed. especially when women complain about all the weight they gained during pregnancy and i chime in with, “and how about all the stretch marks!” and they look at me like i’m crazy. and then they show me their stretch mark free stomachs.i feel like the only one. i’m covered! i hate stretch marks. so much.

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 5:23 am

    I think the comments by “Me” are just as judgemental as the comments she’s offended by. You say that you get a pooch if you don’t work out an hour a day. Some of us moms don’t have five minutes to ourselves let along an hour. I gained weight (40lbs) while I was pregnant with my twins. Never really took a lot of it off. Not blaming anyone else nor am I jealous that I can’t wear “sexy jeans and nice shirts”. I’m a mom so don’t feel the need to show sexiness to anyone but my husband anyway. Don’t judge moms either who don’t look as incredible as you say you do. You sound quite shallow to me to be honest with you.

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 5:57 am

    Well, my stomach went back to normal almost immediately after having both my children, not very fair to say you hate me.. but i understand. i may have a wash board stomach but trust me, the rest aint so pretty! :P

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 7:13 am

    Hey mama, You look great for where you are! I loved the abs comment and I do the same thing lol.

    Now, for the person who calls herself “Me” that was very rude, its not only moms who sit and eat junk who get fat. I had a perfect body before I got pregnant, 35-24-38 flat stomache, Ds, size 5s, muscles too, I was in perfect shape according to all the doctors I went too, and everybody who passed. I also worked out until the end of my pregnancy, and ate well too, the only thing I splurged on was sweet tea, and I only allowed myself to have 2 cups a day, 16oz, no more because of the sugar. I had my daughter at 29 weeks because of pre-ecclampsia and my last week of being pregnant I was tied down to a hospital bed, couldnt eat, couldnt drink, couldnt get up to pee, and I had to have a c-section, and right now, 11 months PP, I am the exact same weight I was when I had my baby. My belly is smaller, but I weigh the same. So dont say its only the pregnant women who use it as an excuse to sit and eat and watch tv all day that gain weight and get fat and the worse stretch marks, because I didnt do that at all, I worked a 40 hour a week job, and exercised, and held down the house and hung out with my friends, and I still gained to much weight. Yes it is genes for the most part, yes a lot of women can alter their end results by doing or not doing certain things, but most of it IS in fact genes.

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 8:35 am

    We are all individuals and every one is different. Some people have to work at it and some people dont. I believe a woman’s hormones and metabolism play a role in the loss of baby weight. I am 11 months post partum and in the best shape of my life because I worked out hard and ate clean. I get comments about how good I look all the time, and I tell people that it was not magic for me, and that I had to work for my shape. If the weight does not come off after about 3 months, then most likely you will have to make time for yourself and get an exercise and diet plan together. I know it seems hard when you have to take care of kids, but it will make you a better, fitter parent to boot. My devotion to fitness has added a vitality to my life that i can pass on to my daughter, as well as a sense of self esteem. Everyone is not designed to be a stick, but we all have the ability to be healthy.

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 8:38 am

    I would like to add that i do have stretchmarks and loose skin on my tummy, but my lifestyle makes it barely noticable….every man and woman on this planet has some type of scar or mark…the airbrushed bodies we we in the media simply do not reflect reality.

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 9:06 am

    I agree with Bonnie, what is interesting in this thread are all the assumptions going on. From looking at me and seeing I am somewhat overweight I guess people may assume I watch tv, or am not active…. but I can tell you I never watch tv, and have thinner friends who can hardly keep up with me hiking. It’s a good lesson to stop assuming anything, even about the flat-tummy moms and their reasons.

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 9:29 am

    hate is an incredibly strong word for a site meant to bring healing and community to all mothers. on this mothers day, i would like to take the time to spread the love instead.
    hate and jealousy are not one in the same, though both evoke really strong feelings.
    most of us have been left with some change to our bodies because of our babies.. some return to their pre-baby bodies no problem (either working hard at it or not). i certainly envy my friends body and roll my eyes when she laments about her pants being too big, but its no ones fault, its just genes..
    to speak to your library group experience, i think that some women fear being envied and so would make a comment like “i run after my 2 year old”.
    i recommend that you do some internal healing because your body looks great and it would do you better to find ways to connect with other mothers than to fester in resentment.

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 9:37 am

    yeah i dont think its fair how hateful you sound towards people with good genes.. that would be me.. but i have emotional problems so badly about other things in life that my looks dont even count! I would rather have a pudgy belly full of marks than be so depressed and down every day for other shit in my life.. a body is just a body .. so dont think that just because someone looks good that they got it all good.. ya know :)

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 9:43 am

    and sorry another thing.. when i get people saying how unfair it is that i look so good after having a baby i say its from carrying my fat baby.. just because its SO awkward when people look so mad at you for how you look! and say its not fair! well i am sorry lol but its my body its not like im trying to look better than anyone.. OK im dont just wanted to say how it is on the other side of things :)

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 11:33 am

    First, I wanted to say that you have a lovely figure!!! Other women would be proud to rock the body you have going on. But, I have a lot more to say about this too…

    I am one of the ones who bounced back fairly quickly… and it was due to taking care of my son, at least partially. But also diet both during and after pregnancy, exercise during and after pregnancy, and genes. I would imagine it is this way for most people who seem to have it “easy” in this department. Its not that things haven’t changed, but they haven’t changed in ways that are obvious to other people.

    I have never been a “skinny” girl, at least by my standards, but I am on the slim side and am happy overall with my figure. Despite the fact that I have less than perky breasts, cellulite, a CS scar, and varicous veins, even though I am on the slim side.

    I am not necessarily offended by what you said in your post… I just don’t really think that your attitude is entirely fair to yourself or other mothers. And I think it is unfortunate that your are comparing yourself to other women in this way. The other mom may have said something like that just to end the conversation because it made her uncomfortable to discuss her body. It makes ME uncomfortable when people assume that things just bounced back and make kinda crappy comments like “its not fair.”

    The truth is, I don’t think ANY answer is going to make someone who is unhappy with thir PP body happy. If I say it is bc of genes, I look like I think I have “better” genes. If I say it bc of diet and exercise, I sound like I think that if the person had worked harder, they would have bounced back quicker too. If I say I didn’t get stretch marks on my tummy, I look like I am gloating, but it is just a fact in this case. But you know what, neither did my mom, or my aunts, or my cousins.

    I struggle with not comparing myself to someone who got the vaginal, easy, effortless vaginal birth of my dreams. And that some women get easy, sleep through the night babies who don’t scream 24/7, and that some women DON’T get nasty postpartum depression. But that is about me and my feelings, not other mother’s experiences and why they have it so “good”. There is no real answer to why this happens for other women and not me… and “I” have to make peace with that.

    So we ALL have things that we struggle with and it is key that we remember that and treat each other with kindness and understanding. Not use words and our own jealousies to find fault with one another. I hope you and other women are able to find some peace about whatever you are struggling with. It is a difficult thing to do, but it will help you grow so much more than you ever imagined:)

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    i have been chasing my first child around for 4 1/2 years and i have been chasing 2 children around for 19 months…i will NEVER have a flat belly ever again and i know it!!

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    I think a huge part of the reason women end up with poor self images, get depressed, hate their bodies and go green with envy is because of what I see in both the post, and “ME”s comments.

    I know that women who flippantly say they’re chasing their toddler and losing weight can be infuriating; I say this as a mom of a ridiculously high energy 3 year old and a very high needs 7 month old that never seems to sleep. I don’t ever get a break yet here I am still fat. We don’t eat junk; I have low cholesterol, I don’t have diabetes, my blood pressure is low, I am according to all doctor’s tests healthy as can be … just larger than average. For me staying a size 14 was a fight my entire adult life. Pre-kids I spent 5 days a week at the gym and worked by butt off (well not literally, it’s surprisingly stubborn). Genetics do play a huge role in how our bodies are formed, it is no insult or shame to have skinny genes – that should be something to be proud of! If you do work out then by all means tell your fellow mom’s so and be proud of your hard work!

    I do resent being told I am simply lazy and eat poorly when neither could be farther from the truth. Likewise assuming that it was so easy for a woman smaller than I is unfair; even a size 3 goes through some drastic changes in becoming a mother. The assumptions made both ways are what is hurtful to all of us. If we can accept one another, embrace and guide each other we will all be much happier.

    All of us are on the same journey. Not everyone chooses the same path to get there but we arrive at the same destination. While some of us found the way was rocky; others were blessed with gentle slopes. I guarantee you this – we all hit bumps along the way.

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    I also agree the “me” commenter was incredibly shallow and insensitive. Yikes.

    I am 5 days PP and as I write, I lay here with an apple hanging out of my mouth, a thermos of breastfeeding tea, my feet raised to drain this crazy edema I had no idea was coming and lastly, am tightly wrapped in a tummy wrap.

    But guess what? I don’t even know how to ‘classify’ (which I agree with Bonnie you can’t do) myself because I was an average sized woman (8-10) pre-pregnancy and ate literally (no exaggeration at all here) like I was a growing 15 year old teenage boy.
    Around 7 weeks pregnant I was suddenly famished and worse, craving, seeking out and indulging in anything & everything I wanted. Not something I was doing pre-pregnancy.
    With that said, I gained about 20 lbs total, didn’t get stretch marks and carried small.

    I felt a different kind of embarrassment, like I had to make sure if it came up with other women, I wasn’t bragging or thinking how great it was I was eating like a pig and not gaining, but in fact I was and am still in awe why I didn’t gain what should have been more like 50-60lbs.
    My OB would always comment how great I was doing and tell me, “good job on your diet” etc… He never believed me when I told him I was being naughty and wasn’t eating well. He said my body would show him that, but he was wrong.

    I should add I have always been a yo-yo dieter and girl who struggled with her weight. 8/10 is me at my smallest but is also a small portion of my life. Normally I sit comfortably at a 12/14 and have gone to size 16 before too.
    I’m telling you that because I really, truly have NO idea why I didn’t gain weight. I knew exactly what I was doing when I stuffed my face and sat around (which I did btw) and was fully ready to accept the consequences. For whatever reason and for the first time in my life, I got lucky.

    So yeah, you cannot lump everyone in either the lazy or the active category. That’s a joke. My sister had her baby 2 weeks before me. She ate well, worked out til the end and unlike me the piggy prego :-) gained a ton of weight, got a lot of stretch marks etc…
    It’s all just a person by person basis, with genes, lifestyle and luck thrown in for good measure!

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    yeah, since my last comment i have totally agreed with everyone’s comments, you shouldn’t ‘hate’ someone who is skinny, it’s really unfair, just because they are slim does not mean they are happy or look better naked! that’s an important thing to remember. But i do still totally understand, i am seriously lacking in the boob department and sometimes i truly do ‘hate’ women with big ones who flaunt them, but it is MY issue, my insecurity and i don’t actually hate them.. i’m just jealous :P So please don’t hate us skinny girls, we are probably way more insecure than all you gorgeous curvy, womanly, feminine ladies out there!
    Enjoy what you have, curvy ladies want to be skinny, Skinny ladies want some curves, The grass is always greener…
    You look great anyway :)

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    p.s I meant to say I ate like a growing teenage boy pregnant but was careful *enough* pre-pregnancy.

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    Wow…I’m amazed at all of the offence people with ‘good genes’ are taking. Really, being nasty with one another doesn’t help. Personally, I apreciated this posting. And no, I don’t have good genes. I’m about 14 pounds heavier, but i’m cutting myself slack because my breasts are 4 cup sizes bigger and I’m not in the gym for 90 minutes 3 times a week. My stomach is a lot softer and I have a diastasis too but I’m JUST starting to be ok with it and not be filled with self loathing 11 months later.

    I worked out like a maniac before I got pregnant, but was really sick from morning sickness and very depressed because the father of my daughter wanted nothing to do with me. So if not continuing to work out in that situation is lazy then I’m lazy, if comfort eating during that time made me a fata** then thats what I am. I haven’t been to the gym in months, because I’m a graduate student who is a single mom and again…I must be lazy.

    This site is supposed to be about expression and support, and while I don’t expect it to be therapy, have some respect for other people’s experiences and feelings.

    To the poster, you look great! I can barely tell you have a diastasis and I’m sure I wouldn’t notice if I didn’t have one myself. Ditto what everyone says, crunches and situps bad (leave the rectus abdominus alone if you can), transverse strenthening is the way to go (core strenthening, planks ect). I’m trying the Tupler technique and I see results when I’m diligent but its intensive and I often can’t find the space to do it. Google it, you should find resources (theres also a Facebook diastasis rectii support group).

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    I don’t know why anyone would take this post as bashing. I happened to be one of those women that didn’t have to do much…and while I worked out after I was allowed to, it WAS mostly genes. I wouldn’t sit there and say, “Ohhh yeahhh, I ran after my 5 month old who can’t really get around anyways, it’s SUCH a workout”. I understand what she’s saying, it’s ridiculous, just be honest. But yeah, I don’t think that this post is offensive at all! And by the way Mama, you look good!

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    Oh, dear. Such judgment going on here. I’m really not sure what the point of this post was. Is it that you want the “skinny” moms to be “honest” about how they bounced back after their babies? I’m just not seeing what you’re getting at. I am lucky enough to have bounced back quickly. I’m really not sure what to say when people ask how I did it. If I say I exercised and ate well, I will be judged. If I say I run after my four kids, I’ll be judged. If I say I breastfeed, I will be judged. (I remember a post awhile back where one mom was saying that it is a “myth” to lose weight from breastfeeding). Different things work for different people. Each person has her own shape. I think this is an extremely unfeeling post and find it terribly confusing and sad. Wow.

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Where, in any of that, did she say she “hated” anyone? I can’t find where she used it once. I completely understand where she’s coming from. A friend & I shared a due date with our first children. I birthed 8 days before she did. 3 months pp, she was already thinner than she was pre-pregnancy. We each gained about 35 lbs & are both longtime vegetarians who never eat fast food & were moderately active. I asked her how she got so thin. Her reply? “Breastfeeding”. Hello! I’m breastfeeding, too! In fact, I’m STILL breastfeeding, 3.5 years on! And I remain about 25 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight. Genes have a lot to do with it.

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    First of all…you look great!

    Second, people need to stop being so rude to her for this post…she is not saying she hates moms who are skinny…she is saying she hates when people say things like “you will lose the weight by chasing a toddler around”. That toddler would have to run pretty darn far and fast for that to be the reason you get into shape!

    As for “ME”, you are very rude. I was not a “lucky” one…I have had 2 amazing little boys, both by cesarean. I ate healthy (occasional treat), worked at a daycare through both pregnancies, and worked out…but I got stretchmarks everywhere and have loose skin! I was not lazy…some of us just end up with a lot of reminders of the babies that grew in our belly…and you know what, that is not always a bad thing. I love my baby reminders…my son passed away at 19 months, and I would be more sad if he did not leave his marks on me…grass is always greener on the other side.

    You look great mama…good work!!!

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    I personally thought this post was hilarious! Rubbing stretch mark cream on toes, wanting to run the treadmill but worrying your lady parts will fall out, etc. lol! I dont think the poster was trying to be judgmental at all and I’m sure that most of us have had similiar thoughts at one point or another. We win some, we lose some. Some of us get stretchies no matter how much cream we slather on ourselves. Some of us eat healthy, remain active and still have a stubborn pooch that wants to cling around. Some of us eat bon bons and look like supermodels. Some of us have healthy full term babies and others have premies who are riddled with an array of health problems. It’s all in perspective ladies. There’s always someone more fortunate and less fortunte than us. Is the glass half full or empty? Sure, I got stretchmarks and some national geographic boobies but ya know what? I got some great legs and a nice firm tooshie. Let’s all focus on the positives, give ourselves a break and take the time to count our blessings.

    Happy Mother’s Day!!!!! :)

  • Monday, May 10, 2010 at 6:19 am

    Funny post.

    Check out: Lose Your Mummy Tummy by Julie Tupler

  • Monday, May 10, 2010 at 7:29 am

    As the author of this post, I’m a little surprised that folks found me so controversial. This post was in no way meant to divide women. I love other women, and I love myself even more. It’s just poking fun at the fact that chasing a two year old will not give anyone washboard abs.

    Seems like some of you only read the title. But hey, I took some time to write a lengthier response here

  • Monday, May 10, 2010 at 7:32 am

    P.S. Thanks for all of the support from a lot of you. I appreciate it! :)

  • Monday, May 10, 2010 at 9:01 am

    “Me” is obnoxious. The post isn’t about being jealous or about actually hating skinny moms. It’s about women that ssume because they bounced back into shape easily, everyone can. For many, most even, moms, it takes a LOT of work to get back in shape. And even if you work-out until you almost faint every single day, it doesn’t always work. Between my first and second child, even though I worked out constantly, I got fat. I got on birth control that screwed up my metabolism. So no matter how much I work out, no matter how carefully I eat, I find it almost impossible to lose weight. I took a health class recently as I have been going back to school finally. According to the results of a food diary that I had to do for an assignment, I actually only eat about HALF the calories I should during an average day. I eat very healthy foods and always have. I rarely touch junk food. I gained 40 lbs with my first, less than 15 lbs with my second, and 9 pounds with my last pregnancy. I have an active 11 year old, a rambunctious 7 year old, a just-starting-to-crawl 5 month old and a full time job. I excercise almost every day. I take the kids to the park, and push the stroller and walk laps around the playground while they play. Since I don’t smoke, instead of cigarette breaks, like many of the skinny new-moms I work with take, I take breaks walking laps around the building where we work. I walked during all 3 of my pregnancies that I carried to term.

    I weigh 275 lbs. And it isn’t because I sit on my butt eating junk food all day.

    By the way, Amanda, you look fanastic.

  • Monday, May 10, 2010 at 10:21 am

    wow i dont think the ME person was trying to be rude either.. i think she was a little annoyed at this post as I was.. because some people like myself have gotten into shape because of chasing around my baby and because genes and eating good. and whats so wrong with that! I think everyone should leave everyone alone .. Maybe the author of this post wasnt trying to sound harsh but I think she shouldnt judge a mom because she happens to have a great body and awkwardly says its because it was from chasing her baby.

  • Monday, May 10, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    Learn to love your post-baby body, no matter what it looks like. I’ve gotten to that point, and in no way did I bounce back quickly. My belly hangs and I have stretch marks down to my calves. My breasts are certainly not as perky as they used to be, but they did nourish my children for almost 3 years total. I get complimented often because I think my confidence shows through what society deems as imperfections :). I don’t spend my time focusing on what other mamas look like in comparison to the hand I was dealt. Sure, I may have a moment here or there where my eyebrows pull down into a frown when I see a mama with a newborn baby and she looks fantastic, but I quickly realize that I’m happy for her and go on my way. I love my body, and ya know what, I love the imperfections. I wouldn’t get rid of them now even if I could. Sometimes my hand brushes against my stretch marks and my mama pouch and I smile…yep, I actually smile. They will be a reminder until the day that I die that my body was a vessel for the 2 unique free-spirits I helped bring into the world.

    I hope you find the love for your body, OP, because you deserve it! I find confidence to be extremely sexy, personally ;)

  • Monday, May 10, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    I totally get you! Thanks for saying what I’ve been thinking! I was ostracized from a playgroup for commenting when the other, all skinny, moms would talk about how so-and-so had gained so much weight or how someone shouldn’t eat a certain way because of her weight, so I definitely get it.

  • Monday, May 10, 2010 at 9:24 pm

    the problem here is the question; how did you do it? what do you want us to answer, if we didn’t do anything???? will that answer make anybody feel better?
    q: what did you do to loose your baby weigth?
    r: nothing.
    doesn’t sound right, so we give other answers that we think might be less akward…
    my body has changed so much, just not the way that people expects…

  • Monday, May 10, 2010 at 11:28 pm

    I totally agree with you, Amanda!!! I see ppl on here saying that they are offended by what you said, obviously they aren’t understanding what you are trying to get across. It is ridiculous for people to be like ‘oh just because I’m running after these kids, that’s why I look great’, NOT TRUE AT ALL! If you want to say ‘Yes, I worked very hard to be this way,’ Or, ‘I know I am very lucky, because I haven’t done anything’ then FINE, but to go around and act like ‘just being a mom’ is enough to magically make you back in shape~just plain ridiculous.
    And for the record, I myself have gotten back into great shape after my baby by working very hard…and I will not lie, it’s been a very difficult road. You look great, Amanda, stay strong!!!

  • Tuesday, May 11, 2010 at 5:56 am

    Hey! Every mom has its personal story. We all have different feelings, but motherhood is the important thing here. Bodies are just bodies. We all (I hope so) will get older. Please, talk about it with any grandmother, she’ll give you the best answer. Life and love are much more important than comparing yourself with other women.
    If you can’t see this (or you don’t want to), it’s because you have a problem. Consider therapy if you want, but please, don’t charge other women’s mind with all this. Besides, have you realized how great you look? You are a beautiful mother!!!
    I wish you the best! Good luck!

  • Tuesday, May 11, 2010 at 6:18 am

    proud mom

    you don’t have to say “nothing”, just say “honestly, the weight came off quickly and easily…I got lucky”…it is better to say that then have women thinking, “ok, so the weight will come off on its own if i chase my toddler around…”

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