Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

My insecurity about my body turns me into The Hulk (Katrina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, Children with Health Complications, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 6 Comments

Age: 25
Pregnancies: 2
Births: 2; 1 Ceasarean/ 1 VBAC
2 daughters; almost 3 years old and 9 months
9 months PP

Hi Everyone! I’m new to SOAM. I only discovered the site 2 days ago, and I was already hooked. Reading all of your stories has been an inspiration and a newfound comfort for me to post my own story, here it is…

I’ll start by going back to when my husband and I first met. I was 18 years old, and struggling with money as a college student. At the time I was actually in a same sex relationship, and the only reason I mention that is because if it wasn’t for her having a friend that had a friend that worked at a certain job, I would’ve never met my husband. Its very ironic, I know. Basically, I was looking for easy fast money, and yes, it is what you are all thinking… the friend of a friend was a dancer at a strip club, the club my husband was a manager at. So, I took up the friend’s offer of trying her line of work and became an exotic dancer. When I first started the job I never really noticed my husband. I worked at the club for maybe 6-9 months, and left because I felt like I was better than that. I still continued to be in the same sex relationship for another 2 years, and remained very close to the dancer friend that got me the job. It wasn’t until I was 20 that I went back to the club to get my job back because again I was in need of fast money. It was during that time that my husband and I caught each others attention, and started hanging out. We dated for about a month before my 21st birthday, and during that time he told me he would dream about me, so I was literally the girl of his dreams, and I had surgery on my breasts and he came to take care of me, only weeks after we went on our first date. I think that’s when we knew we were meant for each other. Before I got my boobs done I was a DD, but they were very saggy. I got a lift and implants because I wanted to be my normal size.

Three weeks after my surgery we celebrated my 21st birthday in Vegas, he paid for the room, bought me a dress, and paid for everything, inlcuding the cost of my two friends and his two cousins. After Vegas I felt changed. I was still working at the club, and I started getting that feeling of being better than that again. I would go to work and just sit there, not wanting to talk to any customers, because I didn’t want to make him mad. After a few weeks, I quit.

Ok, so lets fast forward a little bit. We had been together for almost a year, but we were having a lot of problems. He had trust issues because of my previous relationship with the same sex, and my history of having flings with random guys. We were on the verge of breaking up. He confessed to me that he had sex with one of the dancers at the club, a dancer I probably knew, but never found out exactly who it was. It was weeks after that when I found out I was pregnant. Surprisingly he was very excited, and even shouted it out to the whole club. He came over to my parents house to tell them the news, and my mom wasn’t happy at all. She was eating dinner at the table and when we told her she pushed her plate away and said she lost her appetite. After an hour or so of talking, we decided to get married instead of just moving in together right away. So, we got married the day before my 22nd birthday.

I was 14 weeks pregnant when I started feeling really sick, so I made an appointment to see my dr. They couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat, so they sent me to radiology to have an ultrasound. The dr then told me that the baby’s bowels were formed outside of the body, the defect is called gastroschsis. I didn’t really understand at first, and when I called my husband I was just hysterical. I started seeing a specislaist for high risk pregnancies. We ended up having an amniosentisis, so we got to find out the sex of the baby. I was happy to know it was a girl! At 36 weeks, I was scheduled for a c-section because the specialist said her intestines were very dialted, and if she were to stay in longer she would get an infection. On September 23, 2009 at 8:06am, I gave birth to a 5lbs 9oz baby girl, who we named Kamryn Presley. Since I wasn’t able to go to the NICU to see her the first day, my husband would come and update me on her condition. When she was delivered she swallowed her meconium, so she had a bunch of her poop her in her lungs. I was horrified, because with her defect, plus that, her life was in danger. She was on 100% oxygen, and the docters didn’t think she would make it. She spent 6 months in the hospital, having gone through 4 different surgeries to fix her bowel movements. She came home the weekend of my 23rd birthday, it was the best birthday gift I ever recieved. She’s now 2 1/2, she’ll be 3 in September. She’s been fed by a feeding tube since she’s come home 2 years ago, but she’s slowly starting to eat different things by mouth. We’re hoping she’ll have the feeding tube removed within a year or so. She goes through 4 different therapies throughout the week, but she’s developing very well.

In Novmeber 2010, we found out that we were pregnant again. Also once again, my mom had a negative additude about it. She told me we should have waited until Kamryn was completely better. I just ignored her. We decided to have a lot of screening tests done to make sure this baby was going to be born healthy without any birth defects or medical problems. When I was about 8 months I started having false labor pains, so bad that I went to labor and delivery. The dr. said I was contracting but I wasn’t dialted at all. I spent another whole month very large and pregnant. Finally, in the very early morning on August 24th, I decided it was finally time. I was in labor for about 8 hours, but the pushing took only about 2 hours. I delivered my beautiful, hefty, but healthy baby girl through a successful VBAC at 11:27am. We named her Peyten Abigail, and she weighed in at 8lbs 10oz.

Before my first pregancy I was 5’4 and 125lbs. I gained about 60lbs with Kamryn, so I was about 185 when I had Kamryn. I got down to 154, then I found out I was pregnant again. I gained about 40lbs with Peyten. I was 192lbs when she was born. Now, at 9 months PP, I’m 159. Also, I went from being a DD before and after having surgery on my breasts to being a 34 G today. I would still like to lose another 20lbs. It really does bother me that I can’t lose the weight. I even bought the Zumba DVDS. We ended up going to Vegas for my 25th birthday which was this past March. I did Zumba religously for a whole month before Vegas. I was doing it for about an hour a day, 4 to 5 times a week, and I never saw any results or lost any weight. It made me upset and sad because before I got the DVDS I would watch the infomercials and there was women in their 40s and 50s losing 15 lbs after 10 days. It really ruins my mood because I look in the mirror and I just see a slob. My emotions take over me to the point where I find myself yelling at the girls, mostly Kamryn for every little thing. I know she’s at the age where she wants to get into everything, but she doesn’t deserve to be scolded for little things like touching my phone or playing in my bathroom everyday. I feel like a horrible mother when I yell at her every 5 minutes. My husband works at night most days, and I find myself texting him and letting my anger out on him too. I blame it on my self image. I believe that if I was back in shape, and felt better about myself, I would be a nicer person. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking I’m a scary person because I yell all the time. I’m horrified to think that when they’re teenagers they’ll tell me that they hate me…

But, enough of the sadness and depression. I’m glad to have found this site because it makes me feel so much better about myself. I would still like to lose the weight, and i’m sure i’ll have blow ups about the way I look time and again, but at least I know i’m not the only one out there that feels that way. I’m also happy that I have two beautiful girls. I guess I can say it was worth the toll on my body, because I wouldn’t change the fact that they’re in my life.

I hope you enjoyed reading my story. God bless all of the mothers out there!

Building self-esteem after husband’s affairs (Joelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Toxemia, Vulva/Vaginal Damage 20 Comments

Age: 23
Number of Pregnancies and Births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth, 1 baby in heaven
Age of child and how far post-partum: Isabella 6 months and four days old. I am 6 months and four days post- partum

I found this site from a woman who posted this site on the Birth Without Fear facebook page. I thought how wonderful it was to see other women of all ages post up their pictures of post-partum bodies and share their story on how they felt, whether feeling upset or comfortable in their own skin. Pregnancy has done a lot to our bodies, including mine. I miscarried with my first pregnancy at the age of 18 at 8 weeks along. It took me a while to accept the miscarriage and move forward. After my second pregnancy, if you saw me walking in a tank top and jeans, you’d never guessed I gave birth. I’ve been blessed to lose all the weight; I gained 36 pounds and lost the majority of it when my daughter was born. She weighed 9.7 pounds and 21 inches long. I am only 5’1 and was 95 pounds pre-pregnancy. With her being so big, my belly was stretched to its limit and my body bloated really badly: in my face, my thighs, butt, and legs. By week nine in pregnancy, I could no longer wear my jeans. I automatically knew I was having a girl by week nine since all my friends who had boys could wear their jeans throughout their entire pregnancy and it was my instincts saying “girl.” Not going to lie, that devastated me to not fit in my jeans, so I stuck to dresses and skirts since I had room to stretch those out (did not want to see me go up in pants and it was cheaper). At my 21 week scan, the technician asked me if the midwife got my due date right since my baby was measuring almost 2 weeks ahead of her age and I said yeah, that I even tracked my fertility and ovulation for TTC. Turned out she was just a good size baby because she came four days after her due date, no interventions.

My body went through hell and back with my pregnancy and child birth. I had fallen on my tailbone. I went to the ER over that to make sure my daughter was fine, could care less about my body. My daughter was just fine. The fall caused me to have major back pain for the rest of the pregnancy and especially when she would kick my back or body slammed against it. I had a huge cyst right below my urethra, so sex was impossible as it hurt too much. The doctors refused to remove the cyst for me and it did not even burst while birthing her. I had sciatic nerve problems and bruised like feeling on my skin and muscles all up my ribs from her pushing out my ribs to make room in the last trimester. I started getting stretch marks in early 2nd trimester and by my due date, my butt and thighs looked as if a cat used me as a clawing post. I got a 2nd degree tear during child birth from being told to push with all my might since my daughter’s left shoulder got stuck. Two nurses were doing pelvic pressure on me along with my husband, very crazy experience so I tore horribly from all the hard pushing to get her out. The midwife who delivered my baby at the Naval Hospital (military hospital) stitched me back up but I have some insides kind of on the outside and my vagina just looks bad… Though I loved being able to have her naturally, I’m upset with how my vagina turned out. I asked my husband’s honest opinion on it, he said I’m little bit looser (I’m okay with that) and that it’s even prettier to him. Kind of hard to believe but I try to trust him on that. However, he cheated on me a month after I birthed my daughter and once while I was pregnant, so it’s very hard to trust him on his compliments to me. The only reason I stayed is because he went to rehab over his alcoholism (he cheated while wasted, still not a good excuse) and I want our family to be together. My self- esteem is shot to hell because he cheated on me with an overweight woman with large breasts. I’m opposite; I’m petite with A cup size breasts… I know I’m not ugly, I get other Marines (my husband is a Marine) staring and calling out to me even while I’m carrying my daughter. I just can’t help but feel my body is not good enough for my husband, that I’m not enough.

We’re in marriage counseling, we’ve been working on the marriage. I just can’t help but feel my pregnant body and PP body is not satisfying to him. I’m so terrified to get pregnant again after his affairs. Being able to share this to strangers kind of makes me feel better. Maybe some other women have been in a similar position or not… Just feels good to get it off my chest that I don’t feel good enough for the man I married.

And Then We Were Six

Bonnie (SOAM) My Own Ramblings, News 2 Comments

Six years ago today, while my then four year old took a nap, I hoisted the baby onto my hip, set the camera timer and took this picture:

I put it on a blog and begged my friends to participate by sending me their own photos and to share the link with other bloggers and moms they knew. I wasn’t sure anything would ever happen with it. But then it did. Massively. Even six years later I haven’t gotten over how amazing that first month was. I don’t think I ever will. It was incredible to see the world come together to say, “YES. Let’s show each other how normal we are! And how we can love that about ourselves!” Seeing all those women so thirsty for the knowledge that they were not alone completely changed me in ways that I had expected, but to a degree I could not have hoped for.

So thank you. All of you. Again and always. Thank you for being here, for making SOAM what it is.

Here are three of my favorite entries (for various reasons) from the past year.

Surfin’ Mama (Gia)
Bearing It (Christina Plant)
They say it takes nine months… (Anonymous)

7 Months PP & HATING Myself! (Sarah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Pregnant, Submissions, Toxemia 12 Comments

Age: 21
7 months PP
1 pregnancy

Pre-pregnancy weight: 150
Current weight: About 190

Let me start off by saying that I’ve never liked my body! Before I got pregnant I weighed 150 lbs. About a year before I was pregnant I weighed around 180 and after working as housekeeping I lost 30 lbs. When I found out I was pregnant I was scared for my body! My family has a curse, I swear!, and once us women get pregnant we seem to grow larger and larger by the years. During my pregnancy I got A LOT of stretch marks, which are still bad today. I look like I was attacked by a bear! Anyway, a little over a month before my due date I found out my blood pressure was going up. I ended up going into labor 3 weeks before my due date. The problem was preeclampsia It made since the more I got about it! I gained 10 lbs in 1 week! I remember almost crying when the doctor told me that! I stayed within the 25 lb limit during my pregnancy up until that point. Well, I ended up gaining 60 lbs when I went into labor. After the preeclampsia was gone I did lose 20 lbs the first month my daughter was born because I was so busy and tired that I had no urge to eat. Once I got use to the no sleeping I got my appetite back – which was the worst thing that could have happened!

My husband works nights and he works 7 nights straight, so it’s just me and the baby most of the time. I’m a stay at home mom so it’s very lonely! So lonely that I got bad PP depression, which made me eat away my feelings. At that point I realized how much I did not like myself! I was disgusted at looking in the mirror or putting on clothes! 4 months PP and my depression seemed to go down a lot and I stopped eating when I was bored and lonely. I lost 5 lbs Not a huge deal but it showed I was making progress! Now here I am 7 months PP and I don’t know if my depression has came back but I noticed I eat when I’m bored again! I can not break this cycle! I am soon getting my CNA and I am so excited because I know it will help me get my butt back into shape!

I wouldn’t be so hateful towards myself but I’d had several friends who have babies and they barely gained any baby weight and they lost it within 3 months. I also feel like I’ve let my husband down by not controlling myself and getting so big. Summer’s here and all I want to do is take my little girl swimming for the first time, but I’m terrified of what I’m going to wear and I’m going to be paranoid that people are staring at me. I have to find clothing that covers my stretch marks on my stomach and thighs, which is hard!

I want to learn to love myself. I hate being naked and I hate when my husband sees me naked! I’m in constant fear of my husband leaving me for a better looking women, who is real thin and has no stretch marks, that it stupidly makes me eat even more. He calls me sexy and beautiful everyday but I shrug it off. I don’t believe him. Does anyone else have this problem? How can I ignore all these thoughts in my head? I want to actually feel beautiful. I feel like I went through an amazing journey being pregnant and giving birth that I should have something to show for it besides a huge pouch!

The 3 belly photos are from now. Pregnant belly is of course during pregnancy lol & the one with the pink shirt is my pre-pregnancy weight.

Finally happy with myself; it wasn’t easy, though! (Susan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

age 26

I have always had issues with my weight, so I didn’t think pregnancy would have a huge effect on my body.

I gave birth to my son via emergency cesarean in September 2005. I quickly realized my stomach was sagging, even at my highest weight my stomach never hung, and my stretch marks were VERY dark.

My breast had always been symetrical, but after my second child, a daughter, was born in September 2010, my left breast started producing milk at a much higher rate. Causing my daughter to nurse mainly on the left side.

By this time I was totally used to my stomach, but the huge difference in breast size took me a long time to get used too.

I recently started blogging about obesity and parenting, and I think your site is wonderful! I have been treated so horribly over the years because of my weight, but the worst came when I tried to join play date groups. Its amazing to see I am not alone!

Finding support in others who understand that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes has helped me so much. My boyfriend has shown me that it doesn’t matter what others say, I am a good mother. I carried two babies 9 months, fed them each for 2 years with my breasts (almost there with my daughter, although we’re practicing self weaning with her), and no matter what I am beautiful.

So now with a 6 1/2 year old and a 20 month old, and a new found self confidence, I’m proud to share my body including my D and B breasts.

Photo 1: 20 months PP with #2 weight 250
Photo 2: 20 months PP with #2 Weight 250
Photo 3: Breasts Left D cup Right B cup
Photo 4: Cesarean scar(had infection after 2nd, but nothing serious)
Photo 5: 20 weeks with #1 weight 182
Photo 6: 37 weeks with # 2 weight 261
Photo 7: My beautiful babies, they make it all worth it

Unhappy and Envious (Danielle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 24 Comments

23 yrs old. 1 pregnancy/birth. Daughter is now 18 months old

As the second summer after the birth of my daughter approaches, I once again find my self looking at bikini’s and wishing I was able to wear one. Before pregnancy I was 120 lbs and felt wonderful about myself when wearing a bikini. The first summer after my daughter was born (6 months after) I went to try on swimsuits and found myself sobbing in the department store dressing room. Although I have found a little more confidence since then, it’s not enough to even attempt the terrifying task of trying another on. I feel young, I WISH I could wear a bikini, and to be honest I feel to young for the “Mom” one piece, yet my body tells me a different story. I battle daily with the thought “Get your fat ass of the couch and just do it!” or “Who cares what anyone thinks?! Be THAT girl! Just wear it proudly, and love every minute!” Although I wish I were the latter, I just can’t do it. Not to mention the excessive stretch marks I have acquired :/ I know I am not as big as I was at 9 months pregnant (183lbs) and even though my husband says I look good in a bikini, I just can’t help but feel disgusting..

I just want to say thank God for the creator of this site and the women who post! You all have made me realize it’s ok to not be “magazine perfect.” I don’t have to look like Kourtney Kardashian to be beautiful, and even though I will probably always struggle with my self image, I’m not alone.

Earned Stripes (Marie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Second Pregnancy, Submissions 2 Comments

Age: nearly 23
Pregnancies : 2
Children: 5year old daughter-23 weeks pregnant currently expecting a girl

This is my second time posting on the shape of a mother…and I love this site. It is beautiful to read the story’s of different women and mothers and feel like I know them personally…

Last time I posted a little bit of my life’s story and about how I wanted to go to school for forensic science…sadly I have had to put those dreams on hold to be able to be the best mother I can be for my daughter…and as well as a lot of misfortunes have set me back…but I am glad to say that now I have found the long awaited pot of gold at the end of my once gray rainbow<3 Up until a year ago I always sat and thought " why me?" I never understood how I sacrificed so much time And effort to people in my life to only see there back once they had used me for my kindness...I have always been the one person for my friends and family to come to the rescue when everything for them was bad for them to only get nothing in return, or the hopeless romantic to only get betrayed and hurt...but I never let those things tarnish my heart of gold. I have been threw things people live in a life time in my 22 years of tender age. Its funny how when you are young and love you always feel like the person your with is the one for you until god actually places that actual person right in ur path and the veil is lifted and you actually feel how true love is meant to be shared between 2 people. I have such a wonderful man to share my life with who adores my daughter as his own and has blessed me with another little girl that we are expecting soon :) My body has always been the crumbling of my confidence...after my first daughter I was left with stretch marks on my stomach and it was then I realized how great of a body I had and should of appreciated. People always said wow your body is beautiful and I would jus be like yea RIGHHHT!!! I was in shape, I was great in every sport and now I'm lucky if I can run up the block!!! Now that I am pregnant again and I started of a little over weight I am terrified of gaining weight and eating a lot...especially getting more stretch marks!!! I was 120 lbs before my daughter n only gained 20 lbs with her... I quickly lost it and over time the weight jus kept packing on now I'm in the 160s and mortified of being fat and pregnant...I just want you ladies to know that you really help me try to love myself after all the changes my body has undergone and still going... I wish I was as confident as most of you :( [gallery]

Something Occurs to Me (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 4 Comments

4 pregnancies 1 miscarriage and 3 births.
Ages of children: 4 years, 15 months, 2 weeks old.

Having posted on here about 4 years ago after the birth of my daughter (Michaela Marks) I thought I’d revisit the site to hopefully encourage others.

I now have 3 children in total (see above), and, at the age of 37, I AM DONE!! Lol.

Like many of you, I struggled from my teen years to love my body. I did the whole thing: Anorexia, self loathing, social paranoia, trying to cover up stretch marks with clothes, makeup or self tanning cream. Tried loads of “stretchmark remedies” none of which ever worked: the only thing they work to do is give you a great way to waste your money while providing false hope – not a great investment I’ve decided. Lol. ;p

I was never “overweight” – maybe 10 or 15 lbs ever at the most – but I had stretchmarks from a very early age – purely caused by growth spurts going through puberty. Some on the back of my legs, hips, my whole backside is covered in the rascally little things. Then, when I got pregnant, my once beautiful, spotless, toned tummy got a bunch of stretchmarks too. What are you going to do though eh? Like I said … I’ve never been overweight – even through my pregnancies, so really … there was nothing I could have done to prevent any of it. (If you want to see pics, visit my link above).

I rubbed all the useless creams on: Bio-Oil, Palmers Cocoa Cream, some other stuff I can’t remember the name of – at $100 a bottle, it would be nice to remember the name: Denevoux or something like that – all products were a waste of time.

Now, here I stand, 2 weeks after the birth of my third child and I’m about 5’8 and 15 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight of 133. I’ll get back there – I’m not worried about it. I would post new pictures of what I look like now, but I’m too lazy to get the camera and upload them. Sufficed to say, that my tummy is a little more devastated then it was after the first baby … but at least I still have a stomach! It helps when I want to consume mass quantities of See’s Chocolate Bordeauxs. Lol. Mmmmm. Slurp!

The reason I write now though is because, in my ripe old age of 37 (lol), something occurs to me: What my body looks like really doesn’t matter.

I mean, really – who cares?

Who cares besides me?

And why do I want to waste my time self obessessing when I can use my energies and point them outwards onto other people like my children, my husband, my extended family, my friends, others who may be in need and can use my help?

With all the suffering, pain and hardships in the world – do I really want to spend even one minute of my time sweating what I look like physically? Especially when I am healthy and able bodied, and have been blessed with wonderful kids, family and friends? How self defeating and what a waste of time that would be – what a waste of time it IS for so many of us women who live in the Western world and allow ourselves to be distracted, on a daily basis, by things that ultimately really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

For example, thinking about it, the most beautiful, life filled, giving, caring person I know is an Aunt of mine whose body also happens to suffer the ravages of child birth. But when I think about her, I don’t think about her body – I think about how her existence is such a positive influence on those around her. How, to many people, she is the most amazing person they know – just due to her giving heart and her willingness to offer love and help to all around her. She is other people centered – not self centered.

This is what I want to be like too.

I am not perfect. Even if I were “perfect” I wouldn’t be perfect – not in this world. Salvador Dali said: “Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it”.

We just all need to stop self obssessing and get on with life. Just get on with it. Instead of spending time in front of the mirror lamenting what “once was” – we should spend that time working for charity, or taking our children to the park, or teaching our daughters how to make a difference in the world through their loving actions towards others and not because of what they may, or may not, look like physically.

We all have fantastic potential and influence as mothers. Frankly, for me, if someone doesn’t like my stretchmarks, or belly button (which now looks more like the mouth of a wide mouthed bass than a belly button lol), those people can go “Pound Sand”. Seriously … I don’t have time for nonsense like that. I’ve got children to raise, I’ve got people to love on, I’ve got work to do, I don’t have time to worry about nonsense.

What are we going to be remembered for anyways? When it’s all said and done? We’re going to be remembered for how we affected people; we are going to be remembered for the type of people that we are/were. I’ve never seen a eulogy which stated things like: “And after having 3 kids … she had a PERFECT body”. Nope … that doesn’t happen (because having a perfect body is something that just really doesn’t matter) …

Love yourselves and your children – don’t sweat the small stuff. Get to work! :) Peace and love to you all.

Three Years Later – Almost (Bryana)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 3 Comments

Age: 24 (25 in August)
Pregnancies: 3 (2 births, 1 miscarriage)
Childrens Ages: Rayden 6 & Cairo 2 (3 on June 23)
Post Partum: 2 years 11 months

Almost 3 years ago I gave birth to my daughter, and my last child. The last 3 years have been nothing short of amazing and wonderful. I have finally began to rediscover myself and learn on a deeper level who I am aside from being a mother.
I began having kids at such a young age that I never really had a chance to find out who I was, so my new journey of self discovery and meaning has been miraculous and very much a beautiful gift. Although there have been many highs, there have also been lows.
Not even 3 months after having our daughter, my husband and I decided he would have a vasectomy. At the time it seemed the best decision and one we were happy and content with. After being blessed with our 2 children, and suffering 1 miscarriage, it seemed appropriate and a good decision. However, in the last 6 months I have come to realize that our decision had been made to hastily and under the wrong conditions. Our daughter, Cairo, was a very difficult baby. I was running on nearly zero sleep and my hormones were going ballistic. My husband was also in the same boat as me. He was currently laid off from work and was spending every minute with me and our children and was suffering just as much emotionally and mentally as I was. So the decision to have a vasectomy, I believe, was made out of fear and at the completely wrong time.
I now feel that all I want is to have another baby, or at least try. I am, however, torn because of my self discovery. I want to go out into the world and find a job, a career, become a member of society in a way I never have been. We have finally got our feet on the ground and have found a groove we work well within. And I know having another baby would not only turn our world upside down, but it would take just as long, if not longer, to find our groove again. And I was told after my daughter that another pregnancy would not be best on my body. Medically I am not the best candidate for multiple pregnancies, which my body has also proven to me aside from all the doctors.
I am unsure where my husband stands on the situation. But he has began talking about how he “doesn’t feel that we are done having kids”. He believes that in time, despite his vasectomy, that I will become pregnant again. I’m not sure if that is his way of voicing his feelings about it, or if he does just truly feel that if it is meant to be, than it will be.
Either way I leave it in God’s hands. I do believe if it should be than it will be.
I love my family, my babies, and the life we have created together. I look forward to our future, and what awaits us.

Mommy of Three (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 10 Comments

26
Number of pregnancies and births: 3.

I just had my third baby on April 2, 2012. My oldest son is 6, my daughter is 14 months, and my youngest son us 6 Weeks. I have always been a bigger girl. Im 5′ 7 and around 190. I think having my last two only 12 1/2 months apart has really taken a toll on my body. Im weighing in right at 200 now. So ivl have lost 29 lbs so far. I just feel like my stomach is stretched out. I love my kids and know it was all worth it though. Just takes somes getting used to I guess. I just really need some words of encouragement I guess.

First pic I was 39 Weeks preggo
Second pic 5 Weeks PP
third pic another 5 Weeks PP