Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

this is probably one of the hardest things i have ever done. i mean, i really wanted to contribute to the website since it helped me so much during my pregnancy. just putting these pictures up, i was insecure before, but now i feel that my body is so misshapen now that it really doesn’t matter anymore. from one extreme to another. i just hope someone is looking at my pictures like i did during my pregnancy… hoping for the best for their bodies. i found out i was pregnant for the first time 2 weeks after my boyfriend of 7 years and i broke up. optimum timing. obviously this was quite a shock to me, and he’s been in denial ever since. it has taken me a long time to accept the pregnancy… and i’ve had a baby for 5 months! it’s just not something you get over quickly. you don’t get over having your entire life’s meaning and course change so abruptly very easily. i mean, there are days when i wake up and just want to go somewhere, or do something… and i forget, oh yeah, i can’t. being a single parent is one of the strangest experiences. you would think that in this day and age after how many teen/young/single mothers pop up… the world would get used to it? no. the world is not built for us yet. YET being the prime word. i’m also new at this mono-parenting so i know there are a lot more challenges facing me that i have yet to realize. i mean, once you try to go to the bathroom by yourself and figure out that is now an impossibility… that’s when you know your life has changed. i’m trying to get back on track. i can no longer be a musical theatre major as i was before “babyocalypse”, but i am going back to school, and trying to get a sensible degree to get a real-live job. i am also trying to work on a book for the single mother. since the only ones i could find while pregnant were mainly for divorcees or teen mothers. getting used to my body has been a challenge… getting used to my LIFE has been a challenge… body is secondary. i mean, before i got pregnant i was on a diet of mainly caffeine pills and rainbows. i was trying to lose weight desperately and then i plumped way up. and now i’m just a saggy sack of puddin waiting to become a jolly old lady. i am the perfect jolly old lady size… except i’m 21. so yeah. this is probably a step in the right direction for body image. one small step for flub, one giant leap for stretchmarks everywhere. but that’s enough about me. i had a little girl by c-section (unwanted, unneeded… i had pre-eclampsia and was induced and it was all downhill from there. anyone else have a catheter balloon in their cervix? fun, isn’t it?)on august 16, 2007 she was 6lb 10oz and is almost 5 mo. now and being a baby, you know how it is… living is tough stuff. her father sees her about twice a month for a couple of hours. it’s weird but whatever. his loss. her name is margaret evelyn and she poops a lot. my pictures are pretty much just stretchmark heaven. i tried to show also what happens to tattoos when they get invaded by stretchmarks. it’s not pretty let me tell you.

*website:* the_moaner_lisa.livejournal.com easy way to contact me, especially with any single mother tips and comments for research :)

1. This picture was taken about a month before I got pregnant. I’d never had washboard abs, but I also never worried about my stomach, only my butt and thighs where I carry most of my weight.

2. This picture was taken at 12 weeks pregant with my first (and only, so far) child.

3. I have no idea how far along I was at this point, probably at least 8 months. I was so lucky to have not gotten any stretch marks until the last 2 weeks. So close!

4. My husband took this picture of me 2 days before our son was born. It is very deceiving, though, because my belly does not look nearly as big as it really was. But, it was the first time I had ever actually LIKED the way my stretch marks looked. And my huge dark pregnant nipples.

5. This picture was taken that same night, and you can really see how ripe I was.

6. This was taken about 5 days after having natural childbirth. I was not nearly as big as I thought I’d be, but the biggest thing is you cannot suck in your stomach right after birth. At all!

7. Also taken 5 days after delivery. You can really see my stretch marks here, and what I call my baby jelly roll, that little saggy shelf of skin that hangs over your pubic bone.

8. Just taken 10 minuts ago. 3 years 6 months post baby. After looking at all the pictures and stories on this blog, when I looked at this photo I actually smiled. I think I look downright foxy! This website has completely changed my perspective on what I think I’m supposed to look like as a mom.

9. A current front shot of my belly. Not bad. You can barely see my stretch marks, which goes to show you that they really DO fade.

And models look exactly the same as everyone else after giving birth!! So many things I would never have believed. I was a model. I did some runway and shoots on site. I had finished high school and was also an emancipated minor at 16: a legal adult. I was also an alcoholic, and a bulimic. I weighed only 106 pounds. I was a mess physically. I had chronic fainting spells and hadn’t had a menstrual period in over a year. But my life changed dramatically! The man who had left me, and I walked away from, found me and rescued me. he pulled me out of the hell hole I was in, He found me a place to live, found me good work, and helped healing me emotionally. He loved me no matter what I was, but worried desperately for my well being. I had started getting healthy, gaining weight and menstruating again. He proposed to me on our 3rd anniversary, and we were pregnant shortly after. I was 5 months pregnant when we were finally married. yes, I was only 19 years old, a skinny red head that just got clean. But this pregnancy was a dream come true for us both- after a verry painful miscarriage I was terrefied for him. but he was born happy. healthy, and strong. 8 pounds 11 ounces of beautiful boy. god what a miracle! I was 190 pounds when I gave birth. I gained allmost 80 pounds in pregnancy. certainly not all baby! I was a size 0 now I don’t even know. I never would have believed I would miss my small, perky breasts! I hated them for being tiny, now i miss them for being perky and unravaged by stretch marks. but I am grateful to breastfeed my son. But what encourages me is that every single day, my body is repairing itself. the weight is coming off, if slowly. the stretch marks may never fully go away, but I remind myself to be proud of them. I am a mother. a mother is the most important thing in the universe because we bring life, nurture life. My little Mikos is worth dying for- what is a few pounds? I would kill for my baby, I shouldnt be crying over my body. My body gave me my beautiful son, who is my whole world.

Before I had children, I had no idea. I traveled, lived on the fly and never stayed in one place for more than a month. I never knew what my life was missing until there were two lines on the pregnancy test instead of one. I was 24, apprenticing with an herbal healer and in Massage school. My world was flipped and I spent a lot of time in front of the mirror, pushing my belly out as far as I could to see what I would look like when I was big pregnant. I have to admit that the image I had in my head was very different than what I actually looked like. I gained 90 lbs with my first, then 4 1/2 years later I became pregnant again. I gained 65 lbs with him, then when he was 5 months old I became pregnant again. I gained 45 lbs with my daughter. My body didn’t have the chance to recover from my second pregnancy when I conceived my third child. So yes, I am flabby and squishy and round and I love being the pillow that my children curl into. I love being soft and comforting, physically and emotionally. I love the body my children gave me.

I was 22 when I became pregnant and 23 when I gave birth to my daughter. I had such a beautiful pregnancy and was very anxious to meet my daughter and was medically induced. Let me tell you, that was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced, after all the pain, and pushing, and cursing I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and she was well worth the wait and experience. While I may no longer be sexy, I am beautiful because I am now a mother.

Every woman has a different path to travel in regards to her femininity, to motherhood, to sexuality, to grace, and to being in a state of harmony with her body. I feel like I’ve had an easier time than many, but still have struggled much more than I ever would wish upon anyone. I feel as though I had no idea what a great body I had before I got pregnant. It’s been very difficult for me to look at pre-pregnancy photos. I’ve often associated self-worth with sexuality and attractiveness, so feeling beautiful and worthy postpartum has been pretty hard. I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything, but it’s been lonely. I feel horrible for being so vain when my daughter is so beautiful, so light, so absolutely magical in every way. She’s now nearly 7 months old and my body is never going to be the way it was before, but the extra pounds have left steadily through breastfeeding and a decent diet. No real exercise (yet). I don’t mind the stretchmarks at all, but the extra skin troubles me. My pelvic structure is forever different, and that’s okay too. I just want to be toned again. My fiance is a goodhearted person, and he loves me deeply, but his entrenched beliefs about beauty and sexual attractiveness haven’t helped me love myself unconditionally. He’s never been critical, he only criticizes others who are overweight or out of shape. How can I not translate that to myself? Don’t misunderstand, though, I don’t hold him responsible for how I feel about my body. It’s a strange path, this being female thing. I don’t think I’ve ever quite gotten the hang of it. I feel so close to every woman who’s posted on this website. I think it’s the best idea I’ve seen in a LONG time. Thank you.