Every woman has a different path to travel in regards to her femininity, to motherhood, to sexuality, to grace, and to being in a state of harmony with her body. I feel like I’ve had an easier time than many, but still have struggled much more than I ever would wish upon anyone. I feel as though I had no idea what a great body I had before I got pregnant. It’s been very difficult for me to look at pre-pregnancy photos. I’ve often associated self-worth with sexuality and attractiveness, so feeling beautiful and worthy postpartum has been pretty hard. I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything, but it’s been lonely. I feel horrible for being so vain when my daughter is so beautiful, so light, so absolutely magical in every way. She’s now nearly 7 months old and my body is never going to be the way it was before, but the extra pounds have left steadily through breastfeeding and a decent diet. No real exercise (yet). I don’t mind the stretchmarks at all, but the extra skin troubles me. My pelvic structure is forever different, and that’s okay too. I just want to be toned again. My fiance is a goodhearted person, and he loves me deeply, but his entrenched beliefs about beauty and sexual attractiveness haven’t helped me love myself unconditionally. He’s never been critical, he only criticizes others who are overweight or out of shape. How can I not translate that to myself? Don’t misunderstand, though, I don’t hold him responsible for how I feel about my body. It’s a strange path, this being female thing. I don’t think I’ve ever quite gotten the hang of it. I feel so close to every woman who’s posted on this website. I think it’s the best idea I’ve seen in a LONG time. Thank you.
