Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Here Goes Nothing! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 22 Comments

I’m trying to learn to be happy in the moment.
Before I got pregnant(when I was 17), I let others (a super tan, three time Hooters girl, best friend) make me believe my body wasn’t good enough.
So even though deep down I LOVED my body and was VERY happy with what I had, I was ashamed and hid every part of it because a friend told me I was too WHITE and skinny. My husband of two years has never even seen me naked. The hardest part for me now (20), is knowing that I didn’t celebrate my beautiful body when I still had it.
I would give all my fingers and toes and teeth to get that old body back.

I try to remind myself every day that the way I feel now about my pre baby body, is probably the same way I’ll feel about the body I have now in ten years, and I’ll regret not showing this one off too!
Easier said than done though because this new body sucks. I know I could be a lot less attractive, but I can’t help compare myself to others my age…who actually look their age! With their perky, full boobs and tight toned bellies.
I feel like such a frumpy mom, and it’s so hard
for me to be happy with my body when I keep expecting myself to look like a teenager again.

But I know I’m a mom now, and therefore my body is much more precious and BEAUTIFUL than it ever was and will be!! A Mother’s body is the most amazing thing in the world and I try to remember that every time I see my jiggly, walnut tummy :)
And every time I decide to start
saving up for plastic surgery, I realize I would be so upset if I didn’t have my stretch marks and loose skin to remind me of the days when I carried, and gave birth to my wonderful son.

Feeling ashamed of my stomach means missing out on the permanent reminder of how amazing I am!

My biggest goal for this year, is to let my husband finally see me completely naked, in the light. Or at least a swimsuit come summertime. (Hopefully both!)
I have the most amazing husband anyone could ask for, and I know he’ll think I look AMAZING and be more proud of me than ever!

My son Sebastian was born January 31, 2007. The pictures of me were taken today, nearly 2 years later. The others are my boy and my husband Steve.

PS: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT!! YOU’VE CREATED A MIRACLE!








Marked (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Poetry, Submissions 8 Comments

I wrote this poem after one of my best friends and I had a long conversation about our stretch marks and how difficult it was to accept them. It was published in Motherverse magazine. I love this site! love our mamabodies!

MARKED

my new lover traces my lines, my road map…my history, and at the same time my path to the future
he is gentle
with my first the marks came late i didn’t want any i rubbed my belly with oil, vain…hoping to pacify her
sweet baby curled inside
when they came they looked like flames curling lips of fire low on my belly
and later i liked them, because they reminded me of her
my second daughter stretched me out earlier and more
the flames licked my belly button and then rose up, not symmetrical, like smoke curling away from a lone campfire like incense lit in sacred space
they spread out, gullies, rivulets running down my hips waterfalls to remind me that nothing will ever be the same
these, from her, i cannot hide. i want to. Part of me feels embarrassed until i realize that i cannot love you unless i love myself
these are from my moon baby i say
I couldn’t love myself without them
sometimes they remind me of snakes
my daughter lays her smooth cheek on my belly and laughs
she too is drawn to them she traces smoky lines with her fingers digging deep
let’s walk to georgia mama she says and I say OK
she is wild she wants to paint her hands and feet we do it together then i lie down and we color in my marks…red for the fire the love that burns between us
the passion that
marked our relationship before our eyes had even met
blue for the water our share of tears and all we will learn from each other
green for the earth
mark my body green! as sacred yes i too have brought forth life
we leave some silvery white, for Air she says, Air I breathed when we first disconnected
her sister toddles over, places her pudgy hand in the middle of my belly and laughs and spits
they have both marked me both in different ways
and i know i look like the Goddess of Changes
you did this i say and you…this was you here and here and here
I did that one mama she says
I was writing on the inside, writing my love for you
Hoping you would notice
hoping you could read my script
I couldn’t wait to touch you

So Here I Am! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

Great work on this site! When I was pregnant I started to hate the way my body was developing and I hated myself even more for worrying about something so trivial. After my baby was born (two years ago now) I hated it even more. Pregnancy hadn’t agreed with me and I’d actually lost a lot of weight in the last trimester, though my baby was healthy and it wasn’t through lack of eating! When my baby was born I was thinner than I’d ever been, yet still….the scars, the marks…the fact that despite weighing less I couldn’t fit into my jeans as my hip bones are now much wider. I remarked to my husband several times over that had I sustained these ‘scars’ in any other way, through accident or injury, society would have been sympathetic and support and help given. Yet because they are due to something as normal and female as pregnancy, the emotions these changes can evoke are ignored and marginalised. As this site says, they are a well kept secret. As I grew into motherhood and my daughter thrived, not only the physical but the emotional scars began to fade. I came to terms with my new body day by day. Bit by bit I began to take pride in myself once more. My ultimate healing experience was being asked to model underwear in a local show. I agreed and appeared half naked on a stage in a room full of people. They were appreciative, and I felt fully healed, at last. I hope other mothers can get the same validation though sharing here, so here I am. Get the cameras out ladies, and show the world what a real woman is!



16 Weeks PP, 2nd Baby, 38 Years Old (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Belly, Breast or Body Art, Breasts, Cesarean, Child Loss, Complications in Pregnancy, Gestational Diabetes, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 22 Comments

This site has made me feel so much better about my post-baby body. I haven’t struggled as much with body issues after baby #2 although I still have 15 pounds to go and haven’t lost any weight since my 1 week checkup despite breastfeeding-baby is now 4 months old. I don’t personally experience much in the way of weight loss with breastfeeding-if anything it seems the opposite. I weighed 148 at my checkup and have been 151 since a month pp-I gained 28 lbs.. I tried working out for a while but I just was absolutely exhausted. I know I’ll get there eventually and I know that the weight will come off eventually-even if it takes longer at 38 than it did at 33. 9 months on, 9 months off has been true for me. The thing I’m having a hard time with is that we’ll be visiting my husband’s family abroad in about 10 weeks, and I know nothing much will change in that time and they’re very critical. I’m trying to just let it go and focus on my joy in my baby because I struggled so much to get her here: 4 miscarriages, a blood disorder I had to take daily injections for, gestational diabetes and a c-section due to concern over irregular (and life-threatening) attachment of the cord to the placenta. We are lucky. She is healthy. I wish I was not so hung up on losing this 15 pounds already. Everytime I eat anything my inlaws will cluck at me, I know it. I want to be a good role model to my daughters and not buy into the body facism we live under. First pic is my belly 2 weeks prior to delivery. the rest of my photos: 1 week pre-delivery 5 months preggo 3.5 months postpartum 4 months postpartum.







Life Changes, Get Used to it! (Mary)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

… I tell myself that everyday!
I met my husband while we were overseas in the Army in 2005, we were married in April 2006, and 9 months and 10 days later we had our daughter, she is amazing! We are going to be welcoming our son in March and cant wait! I love being a mom and wife but a part of me died when I realized how much my body had changed, not the weight difference…the stretch marks! I was 135lbs when I got married and 145lbs when I got pregnant(I stopped using birth control and that causes me to gain a few)when I went into labor with my daughter I was over 200lbs… I think 206lbs but Im not sure. I felt so stupid for not taking care of myself when I was pregnant, I ate junk all the time and refused to work out because I thought it would be ok (my mom had 3 girls, no stretch marks and never gaining too much weight with out putting any effort into staying fit). I got back down to 135lbs fast, about 8 weeks, but I will not take the credit, I have thyroid issues and that was before I started taking medication. So for the next year or so I spent thousands of dollars on scar and stretch mark creams, gels, patches, ANYTHING! I also had breast augmentation to help smooth out scars on my chest. I am being alot more careful with this pregnancy to avoid getting more stretch marks but at this point I think Im pretty well covered. I dont worry as much about my body because of this site, overall women get stretch marks, they get dimples, and wrinkles! It is a reality that I didnt take into consideration before finding this site and I am so relieved that I am not alone, my biggest concern is staying healthy so I can keep up with my growing family and always give my kids 110%. I still have bad days when I examine my tummy and legs, but I have a great husband that doesnt even see my stretch marks and I am so thankful!
Gathering these pictures has made me see how fast my body went back and how much my stretch marks have faded, I look at myself as lucky, it was a small price to pay for my angels! I will keep you posted on the arrival of #2 and more body changes!
My pictures are..
1st pregnancy- 3 months, 6 months, 9 months
After delivery- 10 days, 4 months
Stretch marks on belly- 1 year
2nd pregnancy- 8 months










Updated here and here.

1st Pregnancy, 1st C-Section, Six Years Later (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

I never planned on having a c-section. I was hoping for a natural birth, but my daughter had other ideas. At 32 weeks we found out she was breech, and despite our best efforts, wouldn’t turn. I went 8 days overdue, and finally my OB/GYN decided to schedule me for a c-section when it became apparent she would not turn on her own. We found out, during the cesarean, why she hadn’t turned, and that was because she had gotten herself tangled up in her cord when she tried. Really, I am thankful that she is here at all. These pictures were taken 2 years after my daughter was born, after I had started to lose the weight I had put on, and after the stretch marks started to fade. My daughter is 6 now, and very proud of those “stripes” she gave me. I’d like to think that she will be proud to get them herself when she becomes a mother.






Sad (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Question, Submissions, Vulva/Vaginal Damage 16 Comments

I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy just over ten month ago. I didn’t have the best pregnancy with one thing and another. However nothing could of prepared me for giving birth. Lots of damage was caused which meant I had to have surgery after having my baby. This was for vagina reconstruction and to repair a fourth degree cut they gave me. Since having the baby I have had regular physio but still have no pelvic muscle at all. Which means I have stress incontience and urgency. I am also struggling to get down to the weigth I was before I had the baby. It is really getting me down. I have been back at work a while but just feel like am failing at everything. I hate the way I look and just don’t know what to do for the best anymore. I just can’t motivate myself to do anything. Am sure my husband thinks I should just get on with stuff and that 10 months on I should be getting on with things. Everyone around me who had babies at the same time are all back in shape and seem to have perfect babies that sleep through. My baby does not sleep through and never as however he is perfect other than that. Am I just being stuipd? How can I feel better? Thanks