Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

There is hope for us with stretch marks!!!!! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, Legs, Postpartum, Submissions 75 Comments

October 1, 2000, I delivered a healthy baby boy. However, when I brought my baby home, got the shower water running and started taking off my clothes I was not happy with what I saw. I was happy to see how my breast size had increased (I was a 34A before I had my baby and now a 34D). Besides the fact that I stretch marks on my belly, I had them on my upper thighs, hips, all over my but, all over my calves,(I had stretch marks on my calves before I had my baby but not as much to where I could not where shorts or a dress. Maybe 3 small ones on each calve.) and the back of my arms. My body became a road map of strech marks. I was so depressed. I cried when I got in the shower and when I got out. You see, before I had a baby I was alway the kind of girl to cover up my body. I always had a beautiful shape but never felt the need to show it off. Part of the reason why I stayed cover up was because I never felt feminine because my breast were small and I got teased for that for years. People would tell me how beautiful I am and how i should where a dress or skirt, but I never felt women enough to do that. But after having my baby and seeing how my breast blossomed I was going to lose weight and show off my figure. That dream stayed a dream. My body looked horrible.. I was 19, 5’3 177 bls after having a baby. Before I had the baby i was 130 ibs. I realized how much my body was beautiful before and I should have taken advantage of my youth. Fast foward to 2009. I have worn a dress 3 times in my life. One for my 6th grade graduation, a wedding in 2006 and I was ashamed and depressed because people stared at the stretch marks on my calves and on June 13, 2009 for my college graduation. That graduation was the best day of my life. Besides the fact that I graduated with my bachelors degree I wore a dress above my knees!!!!! I was determined to do so. I read about makeup and covering up marks. I found out about how airbrush makeup could cover up scars and tatttos. I thought maybe it could cover up stretch marks. I checked out airbrush make up artist and they could not cover it up. I had one last airbrush artist to see. I ran out of hope but decided to see her anyway. When I met her, she was warm and friendly. I told her my story and how it is important that I where a dress above my knees and cover up the stretch marks on my calves. She said had could do it(she never had a client with stretch marks before). When she got that airbrush and started spraying my calves with the make up and finished, I looked in the mirror and wanted to cry. My stretch marks was gone!!!! I said “Yes, I could finally wear a dress, shorts and belly tops.” Thanks to Lilly for the dramatic change and impact she has had in my life. Ladies there is hope out there!!!!

My Changing Body (Heather)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 4 Comments

This is my first pregnancy, first child. I am 21 years old.

Before I became pregnant I wasn’t exactly stick thin but I was very comfortable with myself and my body. I weighed 135lbs on a 5′ 5” frame. I didn’t start to show until my fifth month. My then boyfriend and now husband and I were living together when I became pregnant. Our son wasn’t planned but we got married when I was six months pregnant.

For the most part my pregnancy was fairly normal until around 32 weeks when my doctor told me I needed to gain about ten pounds by the end of my pregnancy. I was working and going to school full time and I suppose was too stressed and active to be keeping gaining enough. At 36 weeks my doctor put me on disability and I ended up with total weight gain of 37 pounds

After delivering my son a week early at a healthy 8lbs I started breastfeeding. I lost 30lbs within the first 3 weeks and was excited. Then after two bouts of painful breast infections I choose to give up nursing. Now I have gained 10 pounds back all ready.

I am six weeks postpartum. My breasts are two different sizes and I have deep red stretch marks and a floppy belly. Being a mother is beautiful but I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin for now. I have hope though and maybe I don’t need to have the same body that I did before. These pictures are ranging from 30 weeks to 6 weeks postpartum.

He Tells Me I’m Sexy (Jenn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cancer, Cesarean, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions 22 Comments

I’ve been a larger girl since I was around 16-17 years old, after a knee injury that left me in an immobilizer for 6 months. Following that transformation of my body, I had a hard time regaining self esteem. Still, even though I was heavy, I still had a great body… beautiful, smooth skin, sexy thighs. I was comfortable with myself, even if I saw room for improvement. Following the birth of my daughter 5 years ago by Cesarean section, I was met with this entirely new wall of self-doubt and body image issues. Still, I was so proud of my body for sustaining her life and breastfeeding her, that I still allowed myself to see the light. When she was 20 months old, I found out I had ovarian cancer, and had to have one of my ovaries as well as massive amounts of tumors removed. It was during this time in my life that my husband asked me for a divorce. I successfully fought ovarian cancer on my own while raising our almost 2-year old daughter. I went back to college to get my degree, and my body was starting to look great. Then I got pregnant with my son. I didn’t gain much weight when I was pregnant with him, but I seemed to gain it while I was nursing him! :-O I found out about 10 months into his life that my cancer had returned and I was in for a helluva battle. Once again, I AM BETTER THAN CANCER. So, now I find myself.. 2 years postpartum, and I’m back to being disgusted with my body. I should be more dedicated to working out, but I’m just not. I beat myself up about it a lot, but keep telling myself that when it really matters, I’ll find the willpower.

However, I’ve just recently fallen in love. His name is Adam, and he’s incredible. And you know what? Despite my protests, he thinks I’m SEXY. Me! The girl with the scars and the lumps and the stretch marks and the low self esteem! He convinced me to take a picture of my stomach, which was a HUGE leap outside my comfort zone, and well — here it is. When I see women with magazine-ready bodies, I think –boy they must’ve worked hard to look that way. But you know what? I WORKED MY ASS OFF to look this way! I went through multiple pregnancies, a few births, and breastfed for almost 4 years combined. And every scar on my body is a reminder of something that helped make me the woman that I am today. The c-section scar along my bikini line? Two of the most gorgeous faces ever appeared to the world the first time because of that scar. The long vertical one that runs from my belly button to my pubic bone? That’s a daily reminder that when faced with cancer and life situations that sometimes made me just want to crawl under the covers and never come out, *I* WON! ME! JENN! IT WASN’T STRONGER THAN ME!

It’s been a long process, but I’m starting to believe him. :)

~Your Age: 28
~Number of pregnancies and births: 7 Pregnancies, 2 Live Births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 years postpartum

072009-jenn-1

2 Years, Nearly 3 Months Postpartum (Katelyn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 9 Comments

Age: 18
Pregnancies & births: 1
2 years, nearly 3 months postpartum

I got pregnant two months before i turned 16. My daughter’s father and I didn’t know each other well, weren’t together, and we weren’t for a very long time. I spent my 41 week pregnancy and 19 months of her life as a single mom, relying on my own mom for support, both financially and emotionally. Thanks to her looking after Hazel during the day, I was able to finish high school and also get two years of college done at the same time. When Hazel was 19 months old, her father decided he wanted to be involved, and we ended up getting together and have been for nearly 8 months now. The relationship between Hazel and him is a little rocky because of the gap between her birth and his involvement, but we’re working on it. Before getting pregnant, I was 5’3 & 1/2″ tall and 120 lbs. Now i’m 114 but with a lot of difference between my old body and this one. I have my days when I watch too many infomercials & spend too long at the magazine rack & long for the body I had before, but I also have my days when I look at my bumps and stretch marks fondly & remember the time my child spent inside my body, waiting, growing strong…and I smile.
These pictures were taken tonight, my standing on the lip of my bathtub and perched precarioiusly atop Hazel’s baby bathtub. I really need a full-length mirror lol. The last one is Hazel and me, in our normal silly state. (Her father is full blown Irish, hence her stunning lack of deep pigment haha.) Despite my young age at the time of her birth, she is the best thing that ever happened to me. She’s changed my entire perspective on everything I encounter in daily life. She’s opened my mind and my heart and made me a better person.

Fighting the Fear (Jessica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 27 Comments

21
2 pregnancies, 1 birth
5 wks post partum

I found out I was pregnant when I was twenty years old, a week before my husband was set to deploy for iraq. I was pretty upset that he was going to be gone, and I would be alone. But i was partially pleased because he wouldn’t be here to see me get huge and, what i thought, unattractive. I’ve always been incredibly self conscious, never really felt I was attractive, so I was terrified what pregnancy would do to me. At first I felt gross. If you knew, you could tell i was pregnant, but to everyone else it just looked like I had a beer gut. I finally got the stage where I looked pretty darn pregnant. And I LOVED it. I felt SO beautiful. I was stretch mark free until thirty three weeks, &&than they came in droves. Still, I felt beautiful. My taut belly stretched tight over my little girl. I was constantly rubbing my tummy. My husband came back from Iraq in april, a month before the little girl was due. I was terrified of how he would see me. But I still felt beautiful. I loved walking around with my tummy out.
The last week of my pregnancy, I blew up like a balloon. I started retaining water, and my hips and thighs got stretch marks overnight. After my princess was born, i instantly felt… deflated, and jiggly. I had terrible tearing and couldn’t do anything physical for nearly a month. Today I am five weeks and three days.

I’ve got fifteen pounds of baby weight to lose. I don’t own a single pair of pants that fits. I was a size seven before the baby, and now, I’m borrowing my sisters size 12’s which are sometimes too tight.

I found out my husband cheated on me the day my daughter turned three weeks. It devastated me. I already felt terrible enough about the way I looked…. it just seemed to confirm the fact that the mess my body is now is really that disgusting. I have a hot mess of stretch marks, which I’m not terribly bothered by, I’m fair, and they’ll turn white soon enough. I just hate my body, and i don’t know if it will ever be even CLOSE to what it was before, which wasn’t all that much

The first picture is me before pregnancy.
The second is me 33wks pregnant. I felt the most beautiful there
The third is me &&my baby girl… SO worth it
The fourth is me 5 wks post partum. ugh
The fifth is a close up, stretch mark cental
The sixth is my big side

2nd Baby, 8 Wks Postpartum (Kristin)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 4 Comments

Previous entry here.

Hello my name is Kristin, and i am 21 years old. I got married when i was 19, and my hubby was 23 in nov.2006. We got pregnant in March 2007 n lost the baby, which was very hard. We got pregnant again by the end of April. I started out at around 115lbs, but went down to about 100lbs because of morning sickness. By the time i went into labour i was at 140lbs. I gave birth to my baby boy Timothy on Jan 30,2008. He weighed 8lbs 11ozs. We found out we were pregnant again when Timothy was just about 7months old. This time i started out weighing only 105lbs, but went down to 99lbs because of morning sickness. I again went up to 140lbs by the time i went into labour. I gave birth to my baby girl, Eden on April 26,2009. She weighed 7lbs 15ozs. Now i am weighing at 120lbs. Which i guess is ok but i do want to be more around 100-110lbs. I am 5f5 so i guess 120 is ok but i am really wanting lower. I dont like my body, i get really depressed about it, my hubby tells me i am sexy and beautiful but i just dont belive him. My hips are too big and my belly sticks out with stretch marks and loose skin. Tho i love my family more then life itself and i would NEVER trade my family for my old body but i do miss it. My family means the world to me and i always wanted children and now i got two n they are my everything. My body is not perfect, damn probly far from it but i am a mommy with two great n healhty kids with a loving husband. I wouldnt want it any other way. Tho i do wish i could convince myself that i am beautiful like my hubby says but right now i dont see it. Anyways thanks for this site, it has really help me. All you ladies are beautiful inside and out :) Oh and my son is now 17months old and my daughter is 2months old. Thanks for reading!

1,2:The first two photos is me now, 2months postpartum
3rd pic: is my baby girl Eden at 2months
4th pic: my baby boy Timothy at 17 months.
5 pic: is me 39wks pregnant with Timothy(brown top, green pants)
6 pic: 40wks pregnant with Eden

Updated here, here and here.

A Work in Progress! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 12 Comments

I’m finally starting to love my body again. I guess I shouldn’t say I’m starting to love my body “again” because this really is the first time. My daughter (now three years old) was born when I was 19. Prior to getting pregnant, I was at the lowest weight I’d ever been, had relatively perky breasts and was pretty excited about buying clothes in a size 3 for the first time in my life. Yet I still wasn’t very confident, I didn’t LOVE myself. I noticed that other people loved my body, but enjoying the attention was not the same as truly loving my body.

I gained around 70 pounds while pregnant and it was such a huge shock to my already lacking self-esteem. All the fat and flab hanging off my body felt foreign. I felt trapped in myself. I was uncomfortable and at times, nearly claustrophobic. I was depressed about it, but I was so wrapped up in being the best mom I could be. I simply set aside looks and loving myself. I thought I’d never been thin again, and to put all possible energy into raising my child. That worked well until she got older and needed me less and less each day. She was growing more independent and all of a sudden I had (a little) time for a social life again, friends and going out, being young while I could. This really jolted me back into some old habits and feelings that I would have liked to leave in the past. I realized that I never really dealt with those issues, I just set them aside. So I basically had to start all over, but this time I had sagging breasts, deep red stretchmarks as far as the eye could see and rolls upon rolls of fat. In a way, I was worse off than before.

But, this entry wasn’t meant to be depressing. I merely wanted to add a little background into the story before saying I’m doing MUCH better. I’m starting to love myself more than ever before, inside and out. I’m eating and feeling healthy, not because I want to be skinny and attractive but because I want to take care of myself. I would like to get to a place one day where the number on the scale doesn’t matter, where I can feel beautiful no matter how I look or how much I weigh. I’m not completely there yet but there has been some definite progress made. I don’t loathe my stretchmarks anymore. (I can vividly remember a crying fit the day I discovered my very first stretchmark while pregnant.) In fact, I really like them. Looking at my belly pictures is not painful, but… relaxing. Hypnotic. Refreshing. The way they swirl around, almost pattern-like. They’re interesting, pretty and unique. I honestly do not care if they never go away (although my mother tells me they will fade even more than they already have).

I guess I go back and forth on my breasts. They used to be full, and were quite large considering my overall size so it used to be something everyone talked about. I was all boobs. Not it isn’t something people really notice anymore, they are much more modest in size. I am liking the new size. They aren’t uncomfortable, and they don’t get in the way anymore. I’m proud of what I was able to accomplish with their help (nursed for 2 1/2 years), but now that they are not technically in-use anymore, I wish they were nicer to look at. My husband seems to enjoy them. I don’t know exactly how I feel. What’s in between satisfied and disatisfied? Neutral, I suppose. On a positive note, there are things I do love about them. I love the way the skin on my breasts feel, they are very soft and light. They fit in a two piece swimsuit without killing my neck and shoulders (another first time for me). I love the shape and color of my nipples and areola. So there are a lot of positives. I guess they only thing I do not like is how saggy they are now.

Coming to a conclusion, I want to say that overall I am content with the way my body looks. It took me 22 years to get here, but I’m finally enjoying myself. One day, on an impulse, I said, “SCREW IT” and went out and bought a bikini for the first time since I was about 12 years old. I’m tired of hiding. This is what a normal woman’s body looks like, unaltered. No airbrushing, surgeries- heck, I don’t even really wear make up!- went into making this and I’m pretty proud of what I’ve got. (At the moment I am 118 pounds, 5′ tall and wear a size 6.) I only wish that more of my friends, whom are all gorgeous, strong women with their own beauty strengths, could feel this way about their own bodies. All I see is pain and I’m sympathetic because I was there. I wish I knew what to tell them, to take it all away. I don’t think there is much I can do, because for me, it was a journey I had to take all on my own. And I’m still a work in progress!

~Your Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 years

Update: 22, Surviving Newborn Twins and a 2yo (Sierra)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins, Update 16 Comments

I recently posted on here when i was 2 weeks postpartum with twins. I am now 5 weeks postpartum and wanted to share with everyone the update. My girls are doing fabulous. They are both breast feeding like champs and since birth have each gained 2lbs!! My 2 yr old is doing so great with them, he is a very big help and doesn’t show any jealousy towards his little sisters at all. I couldn’t ask for a better bunch of children, they are my life! Again this website has been very inspiring and i absolutely love it!! I am very self conscious of my body and myself, but then again there are very few women who aren’t, this website has taught me that no matter what i am a mother and i am beautiful and it’s bc of my children that i am who i am. My stretch marks are beginning to fade ( i didn’t get very many, which i was completely surprised about carrying twins and being so small) and my stomach has gone down drastically since my 2 week postpartum picture, i was very concerned and worried about muscle separation in my stomach and have since learned that there wasn’t any and i’m very thankful and blessed…just wanted to share my update i will continue to update as time goes by and my twins continue to grow.

pic #1: 5 weeks postpartum front view w/ incision from c-section
pic #2: 5 weeks postpartum side view
pic #3: My twins
pic #4: My son

Updated here.

Transmogrification (Valentine)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Belly, Cesarean, Piercing, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 12 Comments

Here I am 6 weeks post-partum. I’ve spent my entire life in one extreme or another…first I loved myself to the point of narcissism. Then I couldn’t stand to look at myself, to the point where the extent of my self-loathing would bring me to tears. Now? I still find myself unattractive, but I know that SHE was worth every moment of discomfort, every stretch mark (who gets stretch marks on their legs, anyhow???), the ruined tattoo, the drooping breasts and every ounce of flab. She has been there in my subconscious for my entire life and now she is my reality. I know now that I was meant to be a mother. Also, that weird dark scar underneath my belly button? It stands as a reminder that while piercing yourself with a safety pin SEEMS like a good idea in jr high, the reality is, well…..LOOK at it!

~Your Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies–3 abortions, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6 weeks post partum