I am a 22 year old mother of 3, soon to be 4. I am now 20 wks preganant. I am having very mixed emotions. This is my seventh pregnancy. I was 14 when i miscarried twins. i had my oldest daughter at 16, she is now 5. My second is 4 and my youngest just made 1. Yes, all girls!!! But they are so beautiful and fun. They were all born by c-section. I am a little bitter about that becuase my doctor never really let me know why my first was scheduled i was only a day overdue and i didn’t even get the chance to be induced. I have had a total of 3 miscarrages, one which was ectopic( where my left tube was removed). So I have been cut in the same spot four times already. i am really scared about having a fourth c-section being that my youngest will only be 18 months on my scheduled delivery date. i know every womans body is different, but I hemmoraged with my last. i am soo worried right now. I actually contemplated getting an abortion. My kids father wasn’t really supportive of having another child at the begining because he believes that i am already stressed out and he worries that he will be left to take care of our three daughters if something were to go wrong. But I just want to believe that this is all part of God’s plan for me. I can’t honestly say that i am excited because we are having financial problems and our house is going into foreclosure. My husband really doesn’t keep a steady job and he isn’t really much help when it comes to domestic duties. i am trying hard not to stress out but i can’t help it. i really love my girls they are so beautiful and talented but i cry when i think of losing them. I know I probably sound dramatic but with my last they told me not to have anymore only i was too young to get my tubes tide. i feel so lost right now i feel like i can’t control my emotions. I don’t want to say that i am depressed but i don’t feel like myself these days. It’s really as though I don’t even know who I am. My whole life is centered around my kids i don’t go out, i’ve never been to a club and i don’t have friends. Don’t get me wrong dress-up and tea parties are going to always be great but i just want to know who I am outside of being a good mother. It doesn’t help that people constanly tell me how I look 16 and I’m only a baby what am i doing with all these babies. But I don’t regret them. I just want to define myself outside of my house. I just feel so alone. Does anyone have any type of advice for me?
Author: Bonnie (SOAM)
A Week of Thanks – Monday
(I really intended to do this earlier – I mean there are parts of the United States where it is not even Monday anymore – but last week got so very busy and I am only now beginning to catch up!)
Strangely, I am now thankful for the “baby pouch” that hangs in the vicinity of what used to be my stomach. I was tearfully and harshly judging my hanging stretchmarked skin one day when my husband asked me what was wrong. I held my stomach in my hands and said, ” I hate this thing… Look!” “Its awful!”
My husband hugged me and put his hand on my stomach, I wanted to scream “For goodness sake don’t touch it!” but he just kissed me and said, “I love the baby pouch, you just need to remember it is where you carried our boys when they were tiny little babies, I think you’re beautiful.” How did he get so darn insightful? Of course, there are times I wish it wasn’t there, but not so often anymore. I realize it is part of being a woman, more importantly being a mother and for that I thankful.
-Jessica
I am constantly learning and re-learning to love my body. It has endured much change over the last ten years. About a year and a half ago, I gave birth to healthy boy/girl twins at 38 weeks, 1 day. I am 5’ 2” and the babies’ weight totaled more than 12 lbs. While I had not escaped stretch marks entirely after the birth of my son 5 years prior, I had lost all my baby weight plus another 10 lbs. My body was by no means perfect, but was no worse the wear. After the twins were born, and my weight started to go down, I was left with an excess of very saggy, very accordion-like skin on my stomach. There are days that I look in the mirror in near-horror. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and realize that I traded my stomach for two healthy, full-term babies. I know that I have been beyond blessed with these little lives and that the trade-off was well worth it. There are many out there who would trade places with me (and my body) in a heart beat. I know I have much to give thanks for: body, babies, and more.
-mcameron
I will be sharing thoughts from our readers during the week about the things we struggle to be thankful for. If you’d like to participate, e-mail me your thoughts to bonnie@theshapeofamother.com and I’ll post this sometime this week.
Wrinkled, saggy strechmarked tummy 4 years after giving birth!! (Anonymous)
I’m 31 years old my daughter is now 4 years old and was born by emergency c section after a 36 hour labour. I put on 42lbs whilst pregnant and lost most of it over a year after giving birth.
I’m so glad to have found this site, as for 4 years I have been beating myself up over the state of my tummy. The skin is sooooo wrinkly and saggy. Fortunately the stretchmarks faded quite quickly but the texture and appearance of the skin is awful. The other mums I know don’t have saggy skin or stretchmarks so this just added to my hatred of my tummy.
This site has made me feel so much better for knowing I’m normal.
4 months postpartum & 2 under 2yrs (Proudmommy0709)
Well I’m still getting used to this mommy belly, and saggy breasts… The past 2 years my body has gone through a lot, I know that. I AM very proud, but at the same time I am not satisfied with the way my body looks. When I had my son Nov 27th 2007 I did get a lot more stretch marks from him & a saggy belly. As you can see thank goodness, my stretchmarks from him have faded a lot. I really don’t think when I was pregnant with my daughter than much changed, my first pregnancy really did all the damage, and I really didn’t have much time in between pregnancies to try and get back into shape. But now I am 185lbs. and I just started working out everyday, and I have changed my daily diet. I have seen a few mothers really inspire me, seeing their before & afters (postpartum & after they lost weight). I’m just really hope that my saggy skin isn’t so bad that I can’t get rid of it naturally. I will be soo satisfied with just that! I don’t care about the stretchmarks… its the skin that I hate! And my breast!… I’m 21, yess I’ve breastfed for 2 years practically and I feel like they look so saggy…. I miss my perky ones : ( lol that I know will never come back ohhh well! I’m just thankful I have a beautiful family now : ) Thanks for letting my share a tiny piece of my story… And if any mothers out there HAVE lost weight & did get rid of that saggy belly let me know! I’d love to hear you’re story & what u did
Age- 21
Pregnancies & births- 3 pregnancies 2 births
Age children- 23 months, & 4months
Postpartum- 4months
SOAM on Facebook – moving
I don’t know if Fan Pages have always been around and I was just too facebook-stupid to find them before, or if I created the group before Fan Pages were around, but in any case, they serve my purposes much better. So I am finally moving from the group to a fan page. I will be closing the group in a few weeks once people have migrated over.
You can find the new fan page here!
Will It Get Better….. (Anonymous)
Age:28
Number of Pregnancies:1
10 months postpartum
I just had another “talk” with my boyfriend about my self-esteem. Of course I start to cry about how bad I look now overall.
Up until my 6th month of pregnancy, I was working out up to 2 hours a day lifting weights. I was in the best shape of my life until was put on light duty after discovering I had shortened cervix. During my pregnancy I gained 17lbs at a total weight of 152. My son was 8.8lbs.
Fast forward to present….I can’t get over how bad I look from my body to my skin. My face looks dry and tired. My belly is just disgusting, my thighs are wobbly, my arms are jiggly and my ass looks scary. I’ve lost all but 3lbs but I’ve lost all muscle I had which is the sad part for me. My breasts are still to be seen since I’m still nursing my son. I’m sure they won’t be as perky and full as they once were. I hardly put makeup on. I wear the same old clothes over and over since I can’t fit into the “cute clothes”. I don’t have the time to get my pedicures or my eyebrows done. I lost my motivation to go into the gym since I get winded out doing things I was zipping through a year ago. I feel l’ve aged 5 years.
I can’t appreciate my body after having my son. I love my son to pieces but just hate the aftermath. This is hard to admit, but I don’t have much pictures of my son and I because I hate to see myself and see what I now look like (hence no pictures). I tell my boyfriend that I won’t marry him or have another baby until I get back in shape. I was once overweight and I just don’t want to return to that time. Will this get better and if so when????
Giving Thanks
Here in the US we are gearing up for our biggest harvest feast. While traditional images of pilgrims and cornucopias permeate decorations everywhere I go, I would like to take this a bit deeper this year and encourage myself – and you – to look at the so-called flaws in my body and consider them in a new light. Why am I thankful for my stretchmarks? Well, the obvious answer is that they grew while my children grew inside of me. I could also say that I am thankful for being a part of this sisterhood of marked mamas – I am not alone, you all lift me up daily, I am blessed for that. This is not to say I have nothing in common with mamas who don’t have stretchmarks, or who bounced back perfectly. I think women in general have a problem with body image. So, I am asking you to write for me why you are thankful for your body – the flawed bits in particular. If you adore every inch of your body, I want to hear from you as well!
Send me what you’ve written, be it a list, an essay, or a short sentence. I will compile these and share them during the week of Thanksgiving. Even if you are not from the US, you can join us in thankfulness – after all, this should be our goal every day of our lives.
E-mail this to me at bonnie@theshapeofamother.com and title your e-mail “Thankfulness” and include the name you’d like to be credited with! Spread the word to the women you know, I think it would be fantastic to show the world an overflowing of these messages. Goodness knows we need to see positivity in this area!
My Body, My Story (Anonymous)
i am 24 and have been blessed with two gorgoeus boys, with my first pregnancy i got very big very quick! i was being asked at 20 weeks when i was due by people thinking it must be any day now. Of course the problem is when you get big quick you get loads of stretchmarks and i had them on my belly, the backs of my legs, part of my back, my breasts and even the underside of my arm. My eldest was due near halloween and i used to joke with my friends and family that i didn’t need a fancy dress costume as i could just go out naked and the sight of a beached whale covered in stretchmarks would scare everyone anyways. Then i had him and i hated my body it was saggy, horrid and completely unnatractive. when i was having my second son i had to have an emergency c-sect which then got badly infected and my self esteem was at an all time low. then slowly i began to accept my body instead of trying to find fault with it and lusting after the toned figure i used to have before kids. now at nearly two years post partum i am a typical woman curvaceous and confident and when i look at my body i realise that it tells my story, it is just another reminder that i have been truly blessed and if other people dont like it, its tough they dont need to look!
7 Mo. PP Twin Mommy (Anonymous)
21 years old
I found out I was pregnant with twins at 9 weeks. I found this website while I was still pregnant, and the stories helped me so much. I don’t know why I’ve waited so long to submit some pictures! I am currently 7 months post partum, and my body has underwent some MAJOR changes. I started out weighing about 130lb’s at 5’5…now I am closer to 165! I’ve been watching what I eat and trying to stay active,but the extra weight is just not coming off as fast as i’d like. The first couple of months post partum were bad (as far as being self-conscience). My babies are truely the lights of my life…one boy and one girl… I love them with all of my heart! My body, on the other hand, isn’t my favorite thing right now, but they are more than worth it. I would go through the whole thing 1,000 times over for them. I remember crying when I got my first streatch mark at about 7 months, and they got worse from there. I have to say I’m proud of my body for going full term with them. They weighed right at 6 pounds each. I have thought about getting a tummy tuck, but only after I get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I think that flap of skin hanging down is permanet. Here are some pics of how my tummy looks right now, and one of my beautiful babies at 6 months!
Finally feel like a woman! (Erin)
I always felt like I wasn’t very feminine looking – my breasts were small, my body thin… I didn’t feel like a woman at all – until I had my children (2 daughters, now aged 3 and 16 months)… I actually wound up thinner, and with smaller breasts than before children, but I have now found new respect for my body, and it’s purpose! I’ve created two beautiful little beings (and breastfed both successfully), and that makes me as womanly as the next….
Photos are:
38 Weeks with my first….
38 weeks with my second….
Breastfeeding my second….
Me today….
~Your Age:24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies (1x miscarriage at 7wks) and 2 births – girls aged 3 and 16 months
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: As above.
