Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

And the Winners are….

Bonnie (SOAM) Contest, Fifty Nude Women, Old News 6 Comments

Winners of SOAM's Birthday Giveaway!

…Marissa C and Allison!

I realize there are simpler ways to determine a winner, but I’m running on exhausted today and for a number of reasons that seem too much effort to explain, it turns out the more tedious method also happens to be the one requiring the least brainpower. My son – the one who is pictured as a baby sitting on my hip four years ago today, the one who IS FIVE YEARS OLD NOW and just keeps growing up – he pulled these two names out of a brown paper bag. Marissa & Allison, I’m off to e-mail you now to ask for your mailing addresses so I can send out your prize this week! Congratulations!

And thank you to everyone who participated in the giveaway and took the pledge. To have so many people promise to start being kind to themselves is absolutely the best birthday present SOAM could ask for. Thank you ALL for making this website everything it is! Here’s to a fabulous fifth year!!

The P90X Experiment (Mary)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 13 Comments

Original post here.
Website: https://slowthisridedown.blogspot.com/

When I wrote “Mirror, Mirror on the wall….Who’s the Most Damaged Mother of them All?” last year I thought that was the end of my journey in accepting my body…little did I know it was just the beginning! I submitted my article to SOAM in February and it was posted on March 9th, a hard day for our family as it’s the anniversary of the death of our niece and nephew, but all the beautiful comments to the article made the day much brighter, thank you!

Over the past few months I’ve been shocked over and over by…how I really do NOT hate my body anymore! It’s a hard feeling to get used to that’s for sure. And I think that loving who you are makes it easier to let go and stick with a healthier lifestyle (for me anyways, I know all mothers are different)…because you know you deserve to treat yourself better. Since I wasn’t depressed about my body I stopped binge eating and had more energy to work out. I even started going to the gym, something I had been too embarrassed to do before, which brought on a whole new appreciation of my body as I watched it change shape once again. My gym is closed for the summer so for the next few months I am attempting to do P90X and I’m blogging about it so that other mothers can follow along and see if it’s the right program for them. The neat thing is that my hubby is doing it with me! 2 years ago I would have never been comfortable enough with my body to huff and puff half naked in front of him but now there is no embarrassment and we are having so much fun working out each night!

This site is amazing and I love how it’s changing so many minds about beauty. A year ago I would have died of embarrassment if anyone had saw one of my stretchmarks….and now I wear a sports bra while I work out and hope that everyone sees them so that they will start to think of them as normal on a mother!

Age: 29
Births: Three
Children: 12, 10, 4

Photos:
1. Me, one year ago.
2. My belly, before I started working out a few months ago.
3. Me today, 50 pounds lighter.
4. My belly today!
5. I love this photo because I think that the stretchmark that is showing is so beautiful.

Labor Story and Accepting My New Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

This is my story, just to get it out there for others to share.
My EDD was October 29th 2009

October 29th came along, and passed. I was miserable, I felt huge, and I was tired of having my sciatic nerve pinched to the point I couldn’t move. I can’t count the number of times my fiance had to roll me over because I was unable to. I was supposed to be holding my bundle of joy at this point, but it seems she had other plans for us. I had gone in for a regular appointment, just to check up on things, and was scheduled an induction..after being 2 weeks late.
On November 10th I did the dishes, packed and repacked my bags, and went to wal-mart to get a movie to watch while waiting for my little girl to finally be in my arms. I arrived at the hospital at 6:30 p.m, went inside, signed in, and was given my room. After fighting with the robe for a good 45 minutes, the delivery doctor came in to check up on things. My cervix was completely closed and I was only 70% effaced. I was given Cervidil tape to soften my cervix at 7:40 p.m.
At about 9:00 p.m. I started having contractions, not horrible, just uncomfortable. I was able to watch my movie and call my mom letting her know I was to start pitocin Thursday morning around 8:40. Around 11 I was started to feel less uncomfortable and more in pain, I asked for a sleeping pill, as I had been up all the night before too excited to sleep. I was given my sleeping pill and told if it didn’t work, I was in labor. After an hour of being up and down to the bathroom I finally woke Devan to stay up with me. He kept telling me I was in labor, but after being told I wasn’t going to be able to walk, talk or let alone breathe during real contractions, I wasn’t convinced, I was doing all three with no problem. Besides the fact that I was telling Devan I changed my mind and wanted to go home. I even broke the little throw up cup I was given.
Around 12 a.m. I called the nurse to be checked, I was only 1 cm, which wasn’t very encouraging for me. The nurse told me she could take it out, but it’s working and she wanted to keep it in, and even being out it wouldn’t stop labor. Which, in my head, it soooo would stop the pain! I was still medication free, I was given a labor ball and hot towels for my lovely back labor.
At 3 a.m. I asked to be checked again, and was 4c.m. They took the Cervidil out and gave me a Nubane drip, because I was exhausted and had a sleeping pill in my system. I wanted to go all natural, but it seemed if I didn’t get some sleep, I was in for a long labor. Shortly after they hooked me up to my best friend Nubane, I was passed out in a deep sleep. With my drip, I was laboring in my sleep, I would wake up, push through the contraction, and go back to sleep. At first my nurse was telling me not to push, and after I was whimpering that I was sorry and couldn’t help it, she decided that my body had taken over and left me alone. She was amazed and had pulled in other nurses to watch my sleep labor.
At, 4:00 a.m. they hooked me up to my antibiotics, as I had tested positive for Strep B. At 4:56 I was 9 c.m. so they broke my water, I had told them in the beginning that our family labors very quickly, but they apparently didn’t believe me. 4:57 a.m. I started pushing, and they called my mom to come in. Her response? “Is there any point in me coming? I won’t make it there!” she was told yes, come it’ll be awhile before she has the baby.
At 5:06, I had my beautiful baby girl, after only 11 mins of pushing and 6 pushes total. She was out and not happy about it either. I didn’t cry, I thought I was horrible for not crying, I see all these pictures of the mother crying, but All I could do was look at this little face in awe and wonder. My mother did not make it to the birth, I wish she had been able to, but she was about 5 mins too late.
I was only able to nurse Charlee for about a week, I still beat myself up over it for not trying longer. She never latched on right, which caused me to crack and bleed. She was unable to digest blood and would spit up everything, even pumping wasn’t helping my supply, and I eventually dried up. But she’s healthy and happy and that’s all that matters.

After I had Charlee my body was all sorts of different. I’m having a hard time excepting my new body as it is. I know my body doesn’t look bad but I’ve always had image issues, and stretch marks all around my breasts, thighs, butt, calves and hips hasn’t helped this. I have decided I need to accept this body, as it is beautiful. It gave life and there’s nothing more beautiful than that. I am soon to go to the pool with my 7 month old daughter, sporting a nice string bikini. If nobody wants to see, they don’t have to look. And I’m nervous, but I’m okay with that.

I’m sorry this was all over the place, as well as the picture, they jump around, I hope you enjoyed my story, I’m sure there will be more about my adventure in my acceptance of my new body. The bra pictures are about 6 months postpartum.

-My age-19
-Number of pregnancies or birth-1
-Age of my child-7 months old

Round 2: Here we go again! (Ashley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Update 9 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

~Age: 28
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth (currently 15 weeks pregnant)
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: My daughter is 26 months.

So here we go again. I’m 15 weeks pregnant with baby number 2! I’m a little worried about weight gain as I don’t want to gain 60lbs again this time! I would be VERY happy if I could keep it under 40lbs this time but I’m not off to the best start. I’ve already gained about 12lbs, my waist line is long gone but I don’t look pregnant yet, my favorite (sarcasm) stage! I might just have to accept that my body knows something that I don’t and that I might actually NEED to gain 60lbs.

I am working out pretty consistently through this pregnancy unlike my last one and I’m trying to eat reasonably so hopefully it won’t be too bad. At least I know I can lose it! As fast as I lose the weight last time I have wondered if maybe I actually needed to gain that much to be able to breastfeed my daughter?

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m going to try to stay fit throughout this pregnancy but if I can’t keep the weight gain down I’m going to try not to beat myself up over it.

I’m working out at least 3 days a week lifting and walking a lot whenever it’s nice. Now that the 1st trimester is over I’m starting to get some energy back so hopefully I’ll be able to start going a little more again. I also played ice hockey until 11 weeks this time. I found plenty of info about contact sports while pregnant and my Dr. okay’d it as well. Contact and collision sports are generally considered safe during the 1st trimester as long as the mother is healthy and the pregnancy in not high risk and as long as your body temperature doesn’t go over 100. I felt a little weird but I actually took a thermometer to my games and took my temp between shifts lol. My temp never even got close to 101 :) I’m still lifting pretty “heavy” and will continue to as long as it still feels comfortable. I have cut back a little but still lift more than most women at the gym.

So while I’m gaining a good amount already I’m definitely doing better in the exercise department than I did with my 1st! I pretty much didn’t work out at all that time!

Aside from the weight gain struggle I’ve been struggling with HOW to have this baby. I had an emergency cesarean with my last and I really don’t want to have another c-section. But I’m also a little worried about the risk of a uterine scar rupture. I know it’s only about 1% and that doesn’t sound like much, but that’s 1 in 100 and if that were the odds of winning the lottery you better believe I’d be buying a ticket! So I keep going back and forth between another c-section and a VBAC. My OB will let me try a VBAC but she doesn’t seem to think I’d be the best candidate for it because of the circumstances with the last birth. I’m also pretty sure that if I try a VBAC I want to do it at a birthing center because I don’t think I could comfortably have a natural birth in a hospital after my last experience which has left me a little traumatized! I’m going to at least go to the birthing center for a consult and see what they have to say and how I feel about it.

I’ll probably update at the end of my pregnancy or some time postpartum.

070110-ashley-1

A Birthday! And a Giveaway!

Bonnie (SOAM) Contest, Fifty Nude Women, My Own Ramblings, Old News, Review

In honor of SOAM’s upcoming fourth birthday, I am hosting a DVD giveaway! I happen to have a couple copies of 50 Nude Women which the producer, Margot, is refusing to let me pay for because she is clearly completely awesome.

50nudewomendvd

I first became aware of this short film through one of SOAM’s readers several years ago, although at this point I can’t remember who it was now (feel free to speak up!) and as soon as I looked into it, I knew I had to own it. It is, simply, footage of 50 very different women, all nude. Tall and short, thin and round, young and old, from different cultures, of different colors, various body marks from head to toe – it is, in a word, women. Despite it’s length of only 12 minutes, the film makes me both laugh and cry. It shows the beauty in the diversity of women, and, actually, in humankind in general. We are beautiful in all our many forms. (I swear I’m not paid to say this!)

I believe Margot has made one of the most beautiful and important films ever, and I hope every woman (and man! and teenager!) finds a way to watch this movie and share it with their friends. And that is why this DVD is what I want to share with you as we embark on a fifth year of changing the world.

But I’m going to make you work for it. How do you enter? It’s simple – just go to Harriet Brown’s website and take her Pledge to Love Your Body. Come back here and leave a comment saying you’ve done that and you are entered to win one of two copies of the DVD that I’ll give away. Winners will be chosen randomly and I will announce the winners on Monday, July 5th, and we’ll have cake (gluten-free for me, virtual for you*) and sing and maybe even dance a little.

So go forth, spread the word on your blog or on Facebook or Twitter, and stay tuned for the festivities!

*I’d share, but cake just doesn’t taste as good once it’s shoved through the internet.

Coming To Terms With Being Pregnant (Anon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 15 Comments

Age: 22
Pregnancies and births: currently pregnant (4 months)

I found out I was pregnant March 24, 2010. It was a shock for both me and my husband, and I cried when I called to tell him. I wish I could be noble and say that they were tears of joy, but I was shocked, upset, and did not want to be a mother.

I’ve been obsessed with my weight since I was 10 years old. In high school I developed an eating disorder, but my weight remained between 140-150 at 5′ 7″ The lowest I ever got was 135 and you could count all my ribs. I always felt fat, always felt that number on the scale was the only thing that mattered. I carry a LOT of muscle in my legs and have always been pretty thin on top, so it’s hard for me to look healthy when my weight gets too low. I met a man who thought I was beautiful inside and out, grew comfortable with my body and stopped fighting it. Four years later, we went on vacation while I weighed 174, and while I wished I weighed less, I didn’t think I looked entirely undesirable. When my hsuband went out to sea (he’s in the Navy) I went about frantically losing weight, exercising, dieting religiously… when he got back 3 months later I lost 30lbs and settled at 145.

Three months later I had settled at a non-dieting weight of 154… and that’s when I found out I was pregnant. And that positive test result was like a death march in my head: YOU ARE GOING TO BE FAT. And there’d be nothing I could do about it. I’ve been making peace with the idea of gaining weight, it’s not easy. I had to start eating throughout the day when I was used to eating one or two meals and occasionally purging. I’ve been chilling around 163 for the last three weeks. I try to exercise every day– I have leg weights I do lifts with, a treadmill and stationary bike– I want so badly to be fit for my pregnancy so that after the bit I can go back to being the way I was.

My husband’s shipmates tease him by saying I’ll gain like crazy and I’ll be a whale…. to his credit, he sticks up for me and says I’m too devoted to my body to let self go like that and whatever weight I do gain will not make me fat, it’ll make me pregnant. I’ve found that I love hearing him say that. Do I look fat? No, baby, you look pregnant. I could get used to that. I’m grateful that I’ve managed to find a man who has never once used my physical body to put me down. He’s never called me fat, never said anything derogatory toward me.

I do love this site. It makes me feel like I have the courage to face what may happen to my body with a little dignity instead of running from it like a child. I’ll definitely post again when I really start showing… right now the suspect baby bump comes and goes. I don’t want to be stick thin anymore. I’ve made enough peace with my body that I can accept it’s beautiful as it is; I no longer think models like Miranda Kerr and Alesandra Ambrosio are healthy-looking or that their bodies are particularly enviable… I am built like a woman, I could never look like a little boy, it’s not in my genes. I’ve grown to respect and adore models like Lizzie Miller and Crystal Renn, they have the womanly figure and make me aspire to look more like Aphrodite… not Angelina. When I look at their beauty, it gives me confidence that I can stay healthy through this pregnancy and still be beautiful afterwards— even with a few stretch marks and extra pounds.

First Picture: me, July 2009 (174 lbs)
Second Picture: me, December 2009 (145 lbs)
Third Picture: 15 weeks along (163 lbs)
Fourth Picture: 16 weeks along (still 163, but where did the bump go??)

Updated here, here and here.

She Changed My Life (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 16 Comments

28 years old/ 1 pregnancy/1 birth/12 months postpartum

First off, I would like to say that I appreciate this site and the support that it offers to mothers. I have been visiting it ever since I was about 7 months pregnant, and it has been cathartic to me and my struggle with my body. Here is my story:

I grew up thick. Being classified as an African American, thick connotates having a little extra meat to love on your body. My parents, family, and friends never criticized my looks and I always felt like I was accepted. After leaving for college, I developed some poor eating habits( eating fast food everyday) and I topped out weighing about 185lb and being a size 12. Im 5’8 so it didnt look bad, but I wasn’t healthy. One day in 2006, I looked at my body in the mirror, and I hated the reflection. So I did something about it. I joined a fitness center, and with the help of a personal trainer, I dropped 40lb and got down to a size 4. My confidence and self esteem went through the roof! And I was beating the men off needless to say….I met my husband during this physical journey also. After having quite a few ups and downs over the next two years, we decided to consciously get pregnant.

After making this decision to bring life into this world, I was pregnant two weeks later! We were happy and excited to have a combination of ourselves coming into our lives. I had bad morning sickness until I was five months pregnant, and lost a few lbs, but after the sixth month, I was hungry again!!! I got to about 34 weeks with no stretch marks, until one morning I noticed one creeping up the bottom of my belly. It was a wrap after that. Everyday it seemed I developed a new mark. I had a really hard time accepting this. I had hoped to be one of the “lucky” ones, and not have any, and I slathered on raw shea butter and oil daily. Needless to say, as She grew, I was covered in stretch marks. And I gained a hearty 36lbs. From side to side, past my belly button, which looked weird and popped out. I went past my due date, which was June 7th.

Early in my pregnancy, I had planned to have a natural birth. I exercised throughout my pregnancy, ate heartily and prepared myself mentally with childbirth classes and lots of reading. The OB decided to break my water on June 9th. I chose a hospital that had nurses familiar with the natural birthing process, and they allowed me lots of movement during my labor. I even got to get in the shower while I was transitioning, which kept me from losing my mind! My daughter was born on June 10th, unmedicated, and when her head popped out I didn’t feel anything but joy! (Seriously) She opened her eyes and looked around the room before her body was out. It was the best experience of my life, and I will never forget that day.

I had a minor tear that took three stitches, and I was ok with that. But back to my body. My tummy was black and wrinkly at first. I used belly bandits to shrink it and I nursed my daughter until she was 6 months old. I did have tummy skin that I was unfamiliar with. How am I going to fix this? So about 2 weeks after I began walking, and as the months went on I gradually increased my activity. I had a lot of support from my husband to work out, despite whatever issues we had. I was a full time student, and I managed to stay in school, work out, and take care of my daughter. I had help from family and friends, and I’m very thankful for that. I know some women aren’t as blessed. I lost all my weight plus some by the time she was 9 months, but still was paranoid about my marks and extra skin. My husband and I had a lot of problems and this made me feel worse.

I started P90x about 2 months ago, and it really helped tone up my midsection and whole body. I still have the marks and skin, but you can hardly see it. It still moves and flaps a bit when I sit down. I have thought about tummy tucks, but I actually am fitter now and look better in clothes now than before I had her. The jury is still out about the tummy tucks…I don’t have the money, and the down time could drive me crazy. I’m a fitness junkie now.

Thank you for reading this long post, I have been waiting over a year to submit it. I am including some pictures of my stomach and breasts, as well as a picture of my love, Aashima. I feel like more of woman now, I have so much motivation to be successful, and I owe it to her.

The pictures are all 12 months postpartum. And the photo of Aashima is at 8 months.

This is Your Fault (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Thyroid Issues 13 Comments

I am 22 years old and I have been pregnant once. I have one child,a 16month old son.

The day I found out for sure I was pregnant was one of the hardest days of my life. I was in a bad relationship with a man who was a lot older than me. We had moved in together 3 months before and my life was one big bundle of stress from that point on. I was a full time student that worked full time to support my ex’s drinking and gambling habits and pay our rent. All I could think was my god this is my fault, I am bringing another life into this world with that despicable man. We tried to make it work after I told him I was pregnant but, he started becoming physically abusive. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I moved home and focused on my health and well being, and tried not to let him affect my pregnancy any more than he had. I finished another semester of school and had one semester left until my degree was complete. My pregnancy was pretty uneventful except at the end of my 2nd trimested I began having almost disfiguring stretch marks. I cocoa buttered and used mederma and bio oil and every product I could think of, but nothing stopped the deep purple welts that were coming up all over my body. I then started to gain a ridiculous amount of weight and was experiencing awful constipation. During an appointment with my obstetrician who obviously felt no sympathy for me I began to cry , and expressed feelings of hopelessness about my body, I said how will I ever fix this? She said “This is your fault” she then went on to say if I would be more careful about what I ate maybe I wouldn’t have gotten so heavy. I knew it was coming, I was going to hear those words someday. In the beginning I didn’t realize what a blessing my pregnancy was. It’s been about a year and a half since that appointment, and my life has changed so drastically since then. My labor was an incredible, 43 hours long, with pitocin running the entire time. I did most of it with no pain relief, the last 3 hours I gave in and asked for en epideural because I was scared that they were going to send me in for a cesarean if he wasn’t born soon. 12:19 am I pushed my son out and I will never forget that first moment they sat him on my belly and he just looked up at me. I kissed his little head and I have been madly in love with him ever since. I just graduated from college and I’m studying to take my state boards. I have lost 45 of the 69 pounds (yay for breastfeeding) I’ve gained, but there is one thing I haven’t lost and thats my stretch marks. When my son was about 6 months old I went to my GP for a sinus infection and she asked how long I had been hypothyroid for, I asked her to please repeat the question. My doctor referred me to an excellent endocrinologist who has been incredible. I have been taking Synthroid for almost a year now and I feel like a new women.Sometimes I wonder what my obstetrician would think if I told her I gained that weight because my thyroid was bearly functioning. I look down at my tummy, breasts and thighs in the shower every morning and think oh lord I have some work to do. However I comfort myself by looking at my perfect little boy and my diploma (which is hanging over the mantle) and I think to myself, This is your fault. It is my fault and caused by all of my hard work and sleepless nights that I have my incredbly smart vibrant child and my college degree which will ensure a bright future for us. Remember ladies no matter how bleak the outlook is now, wait a little while things can and do change with an exceptional amount of hardwork.

One of the “lucky ones” (Lxnn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 9 Comments

age 28
one pregnancy one birth
my son is now 2 ½ years old

I say “lucky” because in reality I do not have many stretch marks and the ones I do have are light. I have returned to my pre-pregnacy weight but that does not mean I am at my pre-pregnacy shape. I gained 70 pounds during my pregnancy. Watching your body go through such a transformation in it self, no matter what you end up looking like down to road, is something to deal with. I never wanted a kid. I didn’t even like being around children. I was one of those people who scoffed at all the people who go around saying ‘children are a blessings in disguise.’ ‘its different when it is your own child.’ When I found out that I was pregnant my first thought was to have an abortion. I am a naturalist and there for went to a herb store and asked about herbal abortions. Of course they were out of the herb and would not have it for three days. By the time I made it home (actuality by the time I asked about herbal abortion) I knew that I would not be able to go through with that choice. I knew that there was only one option that I would be able to see to the end. To have the child and raise it. The father and I were not together, we were not even talking. He was trying to get sober but relapse, bad, and was now a junkie. So I was pregnant and had no idea if the father was even going to be alive when I gave birth or how I was going to pay my bills. So I was not only dealing with the mental mind fuck but also the physical changes. I think I did well considering! When I gave birth to my son and they laid him on my stomach everything changed, I changed. The father had gotten sober 2-3 months before I gave birth and is still sober today. He also changed. My son was a catalyst for amazing growth in my self and his father. His father and I are still not together but we have stubbornly gotten to a point where we are friends. I know this should be more about the physical shape of a mother but the mental shape is what I had the most difficulty with. I am a single working mom. I have felt the person I was disappear. I am either working or being a mom there is no time to be me. Or so I thought/felt. Every article, book, magazine, what have you I have read has been written from the perspective that you have a significant other. Because of this I stopped reading a long time ago.

Today I am able to see the beauty and strive for balance. I do my best to balance work, time with my son and time for myself. The mommy identity is the biggest part of my life but not the only part. I’ve never been one to stay down long and my son is so amazing that down is not even an option! He amazes me every day and the love I feel for him amazes me every minute. If I get a glimpse of the stretch marks or my mommy pouch it is just a reminder of the little person that I created. In my son’s eyes I am perfect! At least until he is a teenager! I have discovered that when I am able to stay present in the moment when with my son, I am happy. He has been and will always continue to be worth every sacrifice.

And I still have a nice ass!!