Read it here. What do you think?
Author: Bonnie (SOAM)
Stretch Marks 101 (Anonymous)
Number of pregnancies – 1
Pre preg weight – 118
Height – 5 7
Ending weight – 160
post preg – one year and a month
I have payed soooo much money to get rid of the hideous stretchmarks. Im talking thousands. no FRACTIONAL laser has worked for me…. trust me im living proof ive done 9 or 10 treatments. chem peels.. cremes you name it! I am currently flying to california to try this laser that was shown on dr oz. Its a erbium laser used by dr ourian. My marks are very extreme and everywhere from bottom, inside thighs, breast, stomach, flanks and hips. EVERYWHERE. note – these use to be very crater like but they have gotten better. I lost all weight with exercise but the marks haunt me .. I cannot wear a bathing suit. im constantly looking at them to see if they are better then yesterday. I think about them everyday. I never look at myself naked in the mirrior. I know it will just put me in a bad mood. Ill post pics after three more treatments with this laser. It has done improvements I dont currently have any before pics but here are some currently and ill post some more after I finish three more treatments.
BTW – sally henson bought at cvs . walgreens spray on panty hose stuff is miracle worker! get your color and spray in palm and RUB! rub rub rub and it looks covers lotttttts of the flaws =) makes me feel good anyways
My Husband Kissed My Stretch Marks (Anonymous)
20 yrs old
39 weeks and 6 days pregnant
I have been looking at this site for a few months now, and I am so thankful for it. I keep seeing these women who look like models (probably because they are models), celebrities, or just everyday women who don’t have physical changes from pregnancy and walk out of the hospital practically uncased. When I came to this site I saw real women go through real pregnancies and have real postpartum changes and recoveries. These women admit their fears and self-consciousness.
In many of the stories I have read (and commented on), I have discovered that I am not the only one who might not feel comfortable in maternity lingerie. Many women say that they do not like their changing bodies and will not even take their clothes off without the lights shut off. They are afraid that their significant other finds them repulsive and can’t understand how they could possibly be found attractive, beautiful, or sexy. I am one of those women sometimes. I was very lucky that I did not have ANY stretch marks… until a week ago. Out of nowhere they just turned up around my belly button and sprouted limbs. They are growing every day now! Bad ones, too. I’ve also had PUPP for a while now, and I am extremely uncomfortable (and ashamed at times) of my “fat packs” that I have accumulated.
I have been afraid of what my husband thinks of my pregnant body, and even more afraid of what he will think of my pp body. Today was the first day that he saw my stretch marks. I had unconsciously lifted up my shirt while sitting on the couch (in between laundry cycles… nesting?) to check on my marks. I didn’t even think about the fact that my husband was sitting right beside me until he said “Are those your stretch marks?”. (He had heard me complaining about them to my mom a few days ago.) I felt so stupid and embarrassed for carelessly exposing my belly and thoughts were going through my mind about what he could possibly be thinking. Then he touched them lovingly, said “Aw baby, those aren’t bad at all,” and kissed them lovingly. It was almost like he understood completely what they meant. That they were just as much a production of our love as out little girl growing inside me. I almost cried. Especially since I had been so cranky the past couple of days. Then he just turned back to what he was watching like nothing special had occurred.
I just wanted to write this for women like me who can’t understand that they are beautiful and that their partners still have the same feeling if not stronger. We were married young and I became pregnant very early on at a very hectic time for us. I have been a bit mournful over my 20 yr old body already changed forever. But our little girl (due TOMORROW) and things like that make it all worth the loss.
Motherhood Shaped Me (Joni E.)
~Age: 36 years old
~Pregnancies: 5 pregnancies/4 living children (one fetal demise at 21 weeks)
~Childrens ages: 15, 12, 10 and 5 weeks
Highest non-pregnant weight: 183
Weight 3 months prior to pregnancy (lowest adult weight): 125 (I put on 20 lbs before becoming pregnant at my husbands request)
Weight just prior to pregnancy: 144
Weight at time of delivery: 195
Weight now: 167
My story begins 16+ years ago with the loss of my first precious baby. I had difficulty becoming pregnant and was devastated when I lost the pregnancy at 21 weeks. I always appreciated my body and was thrilled when I became pregnant again. I was surprised when my doctor mentioned my stretchmarks being so bad. The grew and grew until they reached the top of my belly. After my daughter was born I was alarmed at the way my body looked. I didn’t recognize my belly anymore. My breast were large and sagging but I was so grateful to have her I didn’t care. I eventually began to realize and then somewhat resent that I couldn’t get my pre-pregnant body back.
Fast forward 4 years and 2 more children. Once the children were older and I had more time to focus on myself I began to really be critical of my body. I was going to school full time to become a RN and working as well. I was eating poorly and not exercising. I was unhappy with myself and my life. Once I graduated nursing school I weighed the most I’d ever weighed at 183. I lost 60 pounds and began marathon training and working out in excess. I was pushing myself to the limit, at one point even breaking my leg and continuing to run despite the pain. I was very proud of my new physique, yet when I looked in the mirror I could see flaw after flaw. Before my breasts were saggy, now they were small. Before my tummy was fat, now wrinkled. I took a step back to evaluate my life and realized the answer was not to be found on the scale or in the gym but in myself.
I changed my life completely. I separated from my husband and then reunited with a man I had known since 6th grade. We fell very deeply in love and quickly began a relationship. We decided to have a baby. He requested that I gain weight prior to becoming pregnant as he felt I was too thin. I had to agree. We became pregnant very quickly and enjoyed my pregnancy. He loved my pregnant body. I gained 50 pounds during the pregnancy. I’d occasionally fear the weight I’d have to lose after the birth but I enjoyed my body and what it was doing in a way I never had before. He and I decided to have our baby at home, something I had wanted to do with my 3 previous births but did not have a supportive spouse to help make that possible. I gave birth in a birth tub in our kitchen, surrounded by people I loved. It was the best day of my life. Ella weighed a huge, healthy 10 lbs and 6 oz. Her birth empowered me in a way I had never felt empowered before. I felt strong, capable and beautiful (her long birth story can be found here).
Now 5 weeks after her birth I love this sweet baby more than I can describe. And I respect my body in a whole new way but I don’t recognize it in the mirror. I have huge 38DD breasts again and my tummy is back to looking like it did when I had my third baby (10 years ago). I worked so incredibly hard for the shape I had before I became pregnant with Ella, to the point of obsession. It was difficult to admit that my happiness did not depend on if I wore a size 14 (my current size) or a size 4. But yet in these first weeks PP I told my husband I felt like I needed to look like I did before this birth because if I did not it was like false advertising. After all, he didn’t marry 167 pound me. What he said really made me pause to appreciate myself: He said, ” I wish when you looked at yourself you could see what I see. You are so sexy. You are beautiful. Inside and out. I love your body. It made our baby. I love you and just want you to love yourself too.” And I believe him and I do love myself.
We are so pressured by society to look a certain way. We’ve been conditioned to believe that beauty is skin deep. We feel like if we were a certain size or weight we’d be happy. We feel like we need to have plastic surgery to get “back to the way we were” before having babies. Fix our breasts. Fix our bellies. Fix ourselves. When we are not in fact broken. What we should be doing is celebrating and appreciating the amazing things are bodies do to make our babies and that we can make babies at all!
I’m so proud of all the women on SOAM willing to bare their bodies and souls for the sake of truth and beauty.
Photos included:
1. Pre-pregnancy after losing 50 pounds on WW (me in the stripes, my baby sister in the hearts)
2. at 37 weeks pregnant with my husband
3. smiling in labor at 40 weeks 5 days (tie dye sarong)
4. Us at our wedding (me 36 weeks pregnant)
5. Ella at 3 weeks
6/7/8. me now 5 weeks PP front/back/side
Tied to the Past (Anonymous)
~Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 years
I’ve only had one child,only one, she may be the most amazing little girl I’ve ever seen but where did I go?
I gained 40 lb.s with her birth and then kept gaining after that. Her father and I split up when she was a year old and then I became a new to school, freshly back to work, single mom at 21! She’s grown and blossomed and become such a beautiful big girl now. I’ve withered and hated myself sooo much for every year she’s loved herself. The depression and the agony just made the over eating worse. So I got the lap band and did really well for awhile,for awhile.
Then the depression came back in and ate me up inside and I kept eating,stopped exercising.
Excuses,excuses,always, what a weakling I am. I cannot look at my naked body in the mirror without crying. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A 25 YEAR OLD!!
I see older women at work all the time who have paid in the their bodies for their many children and I cry. Why am I at that stage when I am ONLY 25? I have ONLY had one child. I cannot let my boyfriend see me naked with the lights on, I cannot let my daughter see me in the shower. I disgust myself and I’m so tired of hating who I am.
I Was Afraid (Susan)
I Was Afraid, Susan
Age: 36
Pregnancies: 6
Births: 3
Children: Nicholas 7, Ella 5, Jack 3
I took these pictures for my blog. I took them to show the world, well the blog world, my post babies belly. I contemplated for literally an hour. I should, I shouldn’t. Ok I am, no no I can’t. Ultimately I was unable to share the pictures because I felt ashamed of my body. I had 3 miscarriages before finally conceiving and delivering my first baby. As all moms who have had trouble conceiving or staying pregnant know, this was not a happy time in life. So what did do to make myself feel better? I ate. 4 years and 3 breastfed babies, and one cesarean later my body had seen better days. I decided to take my body back for myself, after all there would be no more babies. My body was my own again and I deserved to treat it right. I have been consistently working out for over 2.5 years yet I’m still ashamed of my body. I don’t have stretch marks and no one sees my scar but I am still striving for that airbrushed look. When I saw this forum to show my pictures I figured why not. It’s me, it’s real and it’s the only body I’ve got. I better learn to love it.
Update (Anonymous)
Original entry here.
A little over a year ago I wrote on this site because I was upset with my body one year after giving birth to my amazing son. Things did get better, I got into a swimsuit and started working out, but never had the time between school and motherhood to get to my goal. I am 24 and four months ago I gave birth to another beautiful and precious boy. I am back at the sad place again. Not a day goes by where I don’t obsess over my disgusting body and think how desperately I want to loose 15 lbs! I dislike my saggy breast, huge nipples, big love handles, and the fanny pack stomach I can’t hide. Seeing my tiny sister, who has not had children, complain about her stomach and size, makes me feel like a whale. I want to shield my husband away from all the size two models on the television and every girl that walks by that has a perfect body. I am so scared he thinks that he wishes his wife still looked like “that girl”. Recently, my husband went to a bachelor party and the group went inside a topless bar. My husband was one of the good ones where he just sat at a far away table, while the other guys received lap dances. Just knowing he saw a great rack and had to come home to me the next day makes me sick to my stomach. He tells me I am beautiful and sexy,etc. but I think he just says those words because he love me. I would love to see a trainer, get plastic surgery on my breasts, etc. but those actions won’t heal my low self-esteem. I’ve had some tragedy in my life (physical & mental abuse, miscarriages, etc.) that I need to deal with so I can get better. I want to love myself again and I am scared that my insecurities will have an impact on my marriage. Thank you for this website, its my affordable therapy :)
The Nonexistant Dating and Sex Life of a Single Mom (Anonymous)
Age: 23
Pregnancies: 1
Births:1
My Daughters Age: 3
I had my daughter at the age of 19 a month away from my 20th so I guess I should say I had her as a “Teen”
Her dad and my relationship was a rocky one but I stuck it out because I didn’t want my daughter growing up without her dad, we where together for about 4yrs. I endured a lot of verbal abuse Until…I found out almost a year ago today her dad had a secret relationship throughout ours with his sisters best friend which was also a friend of mines. They now live together in our old home while am back cramped sleeping on the floor at my mothers.
He is very much a part of his daughter’s life & a loving dad. We get along here and there but its mostly just 4 the baby. There’s not an actual friendship. He has told me numerous of times “he wishes I would die so he can have custody of his daughter and live a happy family with his girlfriend”
What I endured with him seems to have soaked in my brain and friends say I am carrying that pain although am not with him anymore. When we will get into arguments the first things he would say where how “Nasty my saggy breast, cellulite legs, acne face & stretch marked stomach where”. He would also say “no one will ever want me” to the point I couldn’t even look in a mirror and think i looked pretty.
Our sex life pretty much sucked i always thought it was him because he never cared to please me it was just bend over or give me “H**d” but all the while it was because he was getting it elsewhere and thought how nasty my body was.
I haven’t as much as dated ONE person in the past year not because I don’t want to because no one seems to be interested in me after I had my daughter. I go out with friends constantly but no one seems to hit on me the times i have tried to step out of my comfort zone & approach someone I am shutdown or never called back even if they don’t know I am a mother (being that women with kids sometimes scare a man off)
Before I had my daughter i would be scared to walk the streets alone because I would constantly be harassed and told how beautiful I was. NOW I don’t get as much as a head turn.
As much as i want to start dating again it hits me one day or another we will have to sleep together and although my daughters dads constant rants of how nasty my body is plays a part in how i feel I can’t help to agree I HAVE A MIRROR i see all that he pointed out.
I am so lonely and just have shut myself out from life. I am only 23 and shouldn’t have to feel this way.
I don’t regret my daughter and the body I have after her, i just wish i can take back the person i had her with because one thing I noticed from a lot of the posts where how many of you have supporting husbands to tell them how beautiful they where.
I just want to be comfortable in my own skin one day
When I look at some girls that complain about their bodies I can understand where they come from but is still not as bad as me, like ok yeah your boobs are saggy but you can wear shorts! Yeah you have cellulite but you can wear a tube top without a bra or yeah you have a little stretch marks but at least you’re inner thighs are not filled with dark parks and constant boils. I can’t do any of these
As much as I wish i can go back to my old days my 3 year old is WORTH EVERY BIT OF IT. It’s just very lonely when its 8pm and she’s a sleep on a Saturday night. In the mist of my ranting she has awoken and I even forgot what I was going on about! & that’s why she makes it worthwhile.
(In the pictures I posted b4 baby and after baby. The grey marks are from holistic treatment strips I removed b4 picture for weight loss which have not worked )
I hope someone out there can relate to my post as well as my body
Final Update (Jeanne)
Previous entries here and here.
My daughter is now 18 months and I never thought I would feel the way I do about my body as I do now. I love my body now more than before I had a child. I love the way my hips have widened…I just feel more feminine and like I have a right to have these curves. I don’t even mind my fading stretch marks :) I have lost 37 lbs since January. I am now 137 and 5’9″ and just very happy with everything in my life including my body finally!
Glee’s Rocky Horror Episode
Spoilers abound for this week’s episode, read on at your own risk!
I just finished watching Glee’s Rocky Horror episode and beneath the incredible music (I am not always into Glee’s music, but this episode was possibly my favorite ever) they tackled not only the usual theme of misfits in society, but also body image in more than one capacity.
Mercedes is one of my favorite characters. She’s chubby, but doesn’t think it makes her un-pretty. And it doesn’t – she is gorgeous. They never force her into frumpy clothes, instead they show off her curves in form-fitting style that reflects the personality of her character. For those that haven’t watched it inthis episode, she requested to play the role of Dr. Frank-N-Furter and she rocked it. I loved that they twisted the gender of the role for her; it worked within the story and I loved the different style she brought to the music. Her body shape has rarely held her back from being incredible in every way and I strive to be more like her in that regard. She is, I think, one of the most excellent role models for young girls on TV.
In a somewhat related subplot, two boys struggled with body image. I know this is an issue that’s not often discussed, and while this could easily have come across as petulant, it didn’t. The writers and actors made it not only believable, but also quite natural. Sam worried about having to maintain his perfect body, and Finn had to work on becoming comfortable with something unconventionally handsome. My only beef – and it was, rather, a large one – was that it seemed that Finn’s character was considered chubby by all around him (smacks of Tracy Gold’s character on Growing Pains) and he is so clearly not chubby even a little bit. Such an assumption by the rest of the characters gives real bodies and the diversity of shape and size a blow once again.
I’ve always loved the way the show breaks social barriers, and not only did I love the music this episode, but I REALLY loved the subtopic of body image and how it was dealt with (mostly).
What did you think?