Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Post-Election Thoughts

Bonnie (SOAM) My Own Ramblings, News 0 Comment

Okay, I know I said I wasn’t going to get any more political than my last post. But then this week happened. Wow. I am exhausted. Are you?

Personally, I am quite liberal. I feel like SOAM is a radical and subversive idea and I think that things which are radical and subversive are, also liberal. I know there is a large liberal community here, but I also know there are a considerable number of conservative readers and I appreciate each of you. SOAM may be a liberal concept, but I LOVE that it’s a non-partisan issue and a bi-partisan community. Our diversity here is not only the very concept of SOAM (to show the world as many diverse bodies as possible), but it’s also the beauty of it. I love you guys for your love and your passion.

So I want to be very careful in my thoughts here. I am going to try to phrase things as carefully and respectfully as I can (in the time I have to write – I’ve got a buttload of reading to get done for my classes) and I hope that you can do your best to read my intents for what they are.

On the ballot I tend to vote Democrat, but I think my political beliefs can be summed up thus: each person is valuable and important. Our wonderful Declaration of Independence claims that everyone is created equally and I believe that means that each person should have equal access to knowledge and health as well as to opportunity.

Frankly, I am afraid at what is happening in the US right now. People are not being valued. The man who was elected president has said some of the worst things I’ve ever heard in my life about almost every group of people that make up this beautifully diverse nation. I want to cry. I am afraid for my family and friends, for my community.

I am afraid for a lot of things, but in regards to the aims and ideals of this website, I am afraid for the future of women in this country.

As an English student in my first semester of university (I transferred from a community college), I was trying to decide between taking a minor in Women’s Studies and earning a certificate in publishing with the hopes that it would guarantee me a career to plug into if other paying work wasn’t so easy to find. On Tuesday, I actually met with the advisor of the Women’s Studies department to discuss this and I told her I wasn’t sure yet. And then the election results started to roll in and I became very sure very quickly. I have decided on Women’s Studies. I know it seems silly. I probably should have majored in it since I’ve already got the decade-long career here at SOAM. But the River of Life has a lot of twists and turns and I am rowing forward all the way, but can’t always see what’s directly ahead.

Basically I have decided that there is no such thing as certainty. I was hoping for the ideals of my parents’ generation: solid career, a nice house in the suburbs, one job until retirement, and a pretty 401K to come home to someday. But that isn’t what life is. That isn’t what humanity is. That era was but a blip on the history of people’s lifestyles. And it certainly isn’t what life looks like for marginalized people. I decided it’s more important to get out there and try to make the world a better place by working towards a world where each person feels valued and important. I mean. After I die, what is there? Regardless of religious beliefs, I can’t take my nice house in the suburbs with me. I can’t take my 401K with me. All I can do is try to touch some people on this planet with love and respect and hope it makes a difference. That is the meaning of life: kindness.

This has been a difficult week for all of us, on both sides of the political fence. Many people are hurting and afraid. Listen to them. Just listen. And then hold their hands and tell them that they are valuable and important.

Love you, mamas.

“Mommy I Love Your Squishy Tummy” (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 1 Comment

I am 30 years old and I have two children, ages 8 and 6.

The story of how I learned to be ok with my body again after kids is a long one. Similar to many on this site. When I became a single woman with children I thought, “No one will ever love or want me because I am hideous.” What I have learned in the last two years of being single is that is a bunch of hogwash!

I stopped focusing on achieving perfection and instead began to focus on my overall health. I’m 5’7 and I went from 210 lbs with 37% body fat to 150 lbs with 24% body fat. I have maintained this weight for a year. I have fitness goals I am continuing to work towards.

My body is healthy. It isn’t perfect and it never will be. Sometimes I still struggle with knowing this, but I remind myself that there are more important things in life than having a perfect body. I remind myself to be kind and when needed I remind myself that it’s ok to cry over what I have lost. I remind myself how far I have come and ultimately I remember what my children have told me over the years:

“You’re beautiful Mommy!”

“I want to look like you when I’m older Mom.”

“Mommy, I love your tummy so much. It’s soft and squishy and ahhhh… I just love it!”

The ways their eyes light up when people tell them they look like miniature versions of me.

I see them watching me and I am proud that even in my darkest days I have never once exposed them to the emotional turmoil I felt inside. I have not talked down about my body nor have I hidden it in shame. They know we eat well because it’s good for our bodies. They know we are active because we want to be strong and healthy. And I know that they are always watching. I never want them to go through what I have gone through and so that is what motivates me to keep working towards loving myself as I am. Am I 100% there yet? No, I am not, but I am getting there.

It is What it is (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Submissions 4 Comments

3 years Post partum. 2 c sections, 32 years old.

I had severe undiagnosed perinatal depression with my first child, leading to me demanding a c section or I was going to throw myself off of a ledge. I was terrified and didn’t want to ever be left alone for fear of what might happen. Thankfully treated Post partum depression with my 2nd, so much more manageable.

I will never look the same again, and it has severely impacted how and when I work out or hike or rock climb or anything. My sense of self has been so contorted since being pregnant I am just now grasping at who I used to be.

I loved my body before children. It was the body that was reliable, and would push me to my limits, create expression through movement or strength. I could feel alive in my body and what I was capable of. Pregnancy changed my entire existence. Would I trade my body back?? Of course I would. Right now though, I’m dedicated to reading to my children in the evening even if it means I can’t get my run in. Sometimes I’m depressed about it, most times, however I am now realizing that permanence has no place in my life. Everything is temporary and there is a peace that comes with experiencing and living this.

That’s how it goes. Some days I’m lost, some days I’m found. But it is what it is.

Embracing My Body as a Mother (Jessica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 4 Comments

I am a 22 year old mother with 2 babies 12 months apart. After my first was born I had an identity crisis. I looked into the mirror and I didn’t know who I was any more, I didn’t recognize my body, I was depressed. Then I had my second and one day I realized I am beautiful because this belly and stretchmarks are given me to me as a sign that I have been blessed with children, a constant reminder of how my life has been beautifully changed into a mother. It is different than my young, tight pre-baby body, but it is just as beautiful because this is my young, beautiful baby stretched mommy body. I am no longer just a beautiful young woman, I am a beautiful young mother! However, I have learned something important through the process of my body turning into a mother and that is, it is ok to grieve. I grieved my old body because it was over, gone, never to be the same again. It is a reality that so many of us women have to face. We may lose the weight, work hard and gain back muscle but somethings will never be what they used to be. The mere fact that we are now mothers means our lives are forever changed. But now it is time to move on and embrace the future as a beautiful Mama!

12 months postpartum with my second
Lawrence 2
Myra 1

100516-jessica-1

Off Balance (Monica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 3 Comments

I had my first boy at 21 and my second at 26. I’m now 28 and still working at loving my body. It’s pretty much looked exactly this way since my first child. I’m sometimes unhappy with my breasts, uneven and stretched. I struggle with depression and can be really hard on myself at times. However, I celebrate my flaws when I can and that’s why I’m sharing this photo with you! Today I feel okay with the body I live in. We don’t have to be perfect to be amazing!

092716-monica-1

SOAM is in need of submissions! Join us!

Bonnie (SOAM) My Own Ramblings, News 0 Comment

Look at these beautiful bellies. All of them different. All of them once home to a brand new human being. How beautiful is that concept? But I would go farther and even say that they are just beautiful at face value. Perfect and beautiful just as they are.

This site has meant a lot to a lot of women over the years. There is a growing movement right now to question the status quo about how to define beauty and this is massively important to all women and men. SOAM is what this movement is all about. Women who have participated here have said that they appreciate the support they receive here and for every woman who posts her own story, countless others benefit from seeing all kinds of mama bodies. Maybe you will consider taking a moment to snap a quick picture of your body to help us keep SOAM making changes in the world for us and for those babies who have changed us so wonderfully.

All types of submissions are always accepted and cherished, but we are particularly lacking in stories from women of color and I’d love to see that change. We would also benefit from stories of women struggling with fertility, women who have chosen adoption or surrogacy, women who have struggled with surgeries during pregnancy or other unusual health problems, trans women and men who have thoughts to share on the subject of mama (or papa) bodies, and any other situation that you can think of that needs to be talked about more. It seems to me that the more we talk about those unusual situations, the more people benefit from finding out that they are not alone.

Please take a moment to join us. If you aren’t ready for that yet (that’s okay, too!), consider sharing this link with your friends and family or maybe even with your local news sources. The more women who participate here, the bigger the difference we can make!

Love you, beautiful mamas!

Join us in showing the world how beautiful the mama body is. Click here to participate.

The bellies in the photo collage above were graciously shared by the mamas in the following entries:

Top row
“A Message for All Moms”
“Daily Struggle”
“Still Struggling”

Middle row
“Update”
“I Feel So Alone”
“Beauty Comes From Within”

Bottom row
“Twin Mom”
“Learning to Love My Body Again One Day at a Time”
“My Story and Photos”

A Message to all Mothers (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Submissions 1 Comment

Just want to let ALL the mothers know you are all beautiful regardless of stretch marks, saggy/uneven breasts. You all gave birth to a human and that’s a huge accomplishment, I read stories daily on what every one of you say and see the pictures yous post, no matter what your body looks like you are still beautiful and real beauty lies within the eyes of the beholder, don’t feel uncomfortable with your body just remember you all are beautiful, this is coming from a man with a beautiful fiance who gave birth to 3 boys and I still tell her every single day she is beautiful. Hope you all read this and understand love you all and god bless

Learning to Accept Myself (Daniela)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 1 Comment

-My age: 18
-Number of pregnancies/births: 1
-Age of children: 5 months

Last year, I was very depressed and had recently gone through a break up. In an attempt to “numb” myself and my feelings, I began drinking and hanging out with the wrong crowd. One thing led to another and I slept with a boy I barely knew. I ended up getting pregnant on June 2015. I am 5’5 and before my pregnancy, I weighed 130 pounds. By the end of my pregnancy I weighed 190! I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl Jade on March 27, 2016 weighing in at 9 lbs 10 oz. I was so happy and still am, she is the light of my life. Everything in my life would be perfect right now if it weren’t for my body and my insecurities. I got lots of stretch marks and because of the excess weight I gained, I now have a belly pouch. At 5 months PP I weigh 160 so I still want to lose at least 20 pounds. My stretch marks were so dark and ugly that I would cry myself to sleep. I started doing derma rolling and dry brushing and it has helped them immensely. I am still quite young so looking at other 18 year old bodies makes me very sad because I look nothing like that. I am also terrified that no one will want me, but I am slowly trying to accept myself. I keep reminding myself that my body is this way because I carried the love of my life in there for 10 months and I would do it all over again for her. She is so worth it

-1st picture: me at 40 weeks pregnant
-2nd picture: 1 month PP
-3rd picture: 5 months PP

4 Girls Later (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 1 Comment

Hi, I have 4 girls. A 6 year old, 5 year old, 3 year old and 6 month old. I am 24. I have recently lost 50 pounds, I have been trying to tone up but now I am starting to accept maybe this is how my body is now after 4 girls. Some days I love my body, other days I despise it. Having 4 girls, i am trying to look at my body more positive, for them. In the end, we made humans and our body is just the proof of that. We are all beautiful and we have to remember that for ourselves and for our children.