Trouble Accepting My New Body (Aarica)

Age~ 23
Pregnancy/births ~ 1 Pregnancy,1 birth
Postpartum- 7 months

I had just started dating my little guys dad six months before we found out we were expecting. It was a great moment for me and I’m sure him as well.
Before I met his dad I was in a long term relationship for 5 years with a different man and had planned on marrying him and having children with him, but it just never worked, I met Landon’s dad when I was working with him and we started dating. Everything about our first six months went fast, we moved in together a month after we started dating, six months later we found out we were having a baby.

The pregnancy was so easy we had nothing but good news the whole time, we decided we didn’t want to find out the sex and waited. It was hard for me I really wanted to know.
We went to every checkup and they all went well,I did start having some trouble with my sciatic nerve and I leaked a little of my fluid(nothing to worry about). Everything was perfect and I was so in love with the dad and baby. My parents and doctor were worried about after the baby if I could handle it emotionally because I have Bipolar, but had learned to cope with it and was even medication free for over 3 years so I wasn’t worried, but they were trying to look out for me you know parents.

I was nearing the end of my pregnancy and I was stating to get excited, I had my Birth Plan ready and the OB loved it and wanted to follow the plan as best he could, which made us so happy. My due date was Monday, July 13th, 2009 and when that was a week away the OB decided to book an ultra sound for Wednesday, July 15th, 2009 just in case I was late and I was. So when the 15th can I was so excited to see the baby at least that way so I could be sure everything was ok. The OB wanted to see the position of the baby so he could make a plan for that.

The night before the Ultra sound I seemed to have to pee a lot, but since I was over due I figured that was normal, but I was wrong it turns out my water broke and was leaking slowly and only when I had the urge to pee. The doctor sent me to the hospital and said by tomorrow you will meet the baby and we were so excited until we got there and they hooked me up to the monitor and I was in full labour and didn’t even feel the contractions I was told they were bad. I thought it was ok maybe it wouldn’t hurt like everyone said it would. They also noticed that everything wasn’t ok with the baby every contraction made the heart rate drop so they moved me to a room and said the doctor will be in, in just a min, he got there and did an internal and I had not dilated even one cm. Turns out my hips were fused together (reason I couldn’t feel anything) so he wanted a c-section(not what I wanted) but we did one and Landon was born at 8:58pm just in time to still share the same b-day as my brother.

They took him and finished with me. I met him almost 2 hours later and he was so cute and big 8 14.

But the next morning they said he had jaundice and need the NICU he was there for 3 days and had a feeding tube, so I had to pump and go to the NICU every 3 hours do they could force feed him 50 ml. nothing was going the way we planned, we finally left the hospital 5 days after he was born.

I hate my new body I was never tiny or skinny, but this is as big as I have ever been. Strange part is I only gained 15 pounds while pregnant. Now I sag everywhere and and the scar i know will fade but until then I don’t like looking in the mirror.

Pictures:

Black shirt 10 weeks pregnant, Dress and phone 40 weeks pregnant, front view of 7months pp, 2 scar views and side view all 7 months pp