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My bikini days are definitely over! (Stacey)

January 14, 2011

I’m a 25 year old mother of 2 amazing little boys, and a gorgeous baby girl. I got pregnant at 18, and had my oldest at 19. I was 110lbs when I got pregnant with him, and when I had him was 153. I gained pretty much all in my stomach, and breasts. I have stretch marks from my breasts, to my knees.. Literally! I ended up having an emergency c section after 31 hours of labor. I used to think I was a failure because I could not dialate, and give birth the “normal” way, but I’ve honestly come to terms with that now. I had a pretty OK scar from my first birth. It never really bothered me. I did have a little extra skin from getting so big, then losing so much weight. I went back down to 107 shortly after I had him.. Then eventually settled at 115. Then I married the most incredible man a few years later.. I’ve known him my whole life, but had moved away when I was 12.. We reconnected because he had joined the Army and was stationed only a few hours from me. We got married in August of 08 and started working on adding to our family immediately. Got pregnant right away, but then we lost that baby shortly after finding out we were expecting. We got pregnant again a couple months later with our youngest little boy. He was born in July of 09 when I was 24. Then.. The extra skin that I had, turned into a FLAP! I was 120 when I got pregnant with him, and only got down to 130.. When he was 6 months old.. We got the crazy idea in our head to try for a little princess.. We tried one time, and I changed my mind on the timing.. But we found out a week later we were pregnant. We were still thrilled. I only gained 18 lbs with her. I figure it’s because of my Gestational Diabetes, and the medication I was on.. Not to mention I had a 5 year old and a little boy under a year to chase.

Anyway, we had our little girl in October 2010 (she’s 2.5 months old now) and I lost 28lbs total so far.. So I lost hers and my youngest sons pregnancy weight (thaaaaaaaank you breast feeding!) I honestly could care less about the stretch marks anymore… And I have a pretty gnarly scar from my second OB/GYN who just sliced however he felt at the time.. My 3rd OB/GYN tried to fix it.. But she could only do so much.. Still.. I’m not that bothered by the c section scars. It’s the extra skin that gets me so down. I have pretty much no self confidence anymore. I mean, I have a pretty face (or so I’m told) and my boobs.. Well they look good clothed anyway.. Of course they’re a little saggy from having 3 kids, but I’ll live.. But I literally have to tuck my stomach into my pants.. Sometimes it hurts, too.. From the scar, and the skin being pinched sometimes. I see a lot of girls who just snap right back like a rubber band after having a baby, and I just want to bawl up in a corner and cry. My husband is hardly ever home. He’s always deployed, serving our wonderful country. I’m so proud of him.. But when he is home, I just never want him to see me naked. He’ll want to keep the lights on when we’re intimate.. And I want it pitch black.

Am I ever going to be OK with the way I look? Is it ever going to get better? I really want to get a tummy tuck… But I’m also pretty sick of having surgeries. I want to say a quick thank you to the person who opened this web site though. I really felt alone in these feelings for years, but I see there are a lot of wonderful mommies out there going through what I am.. And it’s so amazing to see so much support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Age:25
Pregnancies: 4
Births: 3
Children: almost 6 years, 18 months, 2.5 months

Those are both after my second child.. I look the same now, but a little less weight.
My gorgeous children

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10 Responses to “My bikini days are definitely over! (Stacey)”

  1. Shannon Says:
    January 14th, 2011 at 9:01 am

    Your children are adorable! You look great. We look very alike, I have had 2 cesareans. You don’t have an overhang…I like to call it a small ledge! You look awesome :)

  2. Sarah Says:
    January 14th, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Having back-to-back pregnancies is really hard on one’s body and your youngest is just 2 months old! Take it from me that it takes time to heal from pregnancies!!! It may take around two years (shorter if you become a workout junkie). Breastfeeding will definitely help, as said. Also, it just takes time to get used to the changes that pregnancy creates. But I can guarantee you, as you’re just 2 months pp after back-to-back pregnancies, you WILL feel better about yourself. It does take time! And for what it’s worth, you really look rather fabulous. And what beautiful babies, too!!! :D

  3. Jenny W Says:
    January 14th, 2011 at 10:22 am

    You really do look good. You’ve had 3 kids! You’re husband should find you even more beautiful for bringing his babies into this world. So i wouldnt worry about it. You look great

  4. MJ Says:
    January 14th, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    you look amazing i too was 19 with my first and 21 with second and will just turn 24 when i have #3 here… but sometimes i wish i still had my body when i was 17 and under but that body hadnt made or given birth to any babys.. i think your body is beautiful and it is an awesome gift from God and you have gorgeous kids congrats on everything you have accomplished!!

  5. Lauren Says:
    January 14th, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    Wow you must be one busy momma!! You look great!! And it will only get better with proper nutrition and exercise. Your little one is so young yet. Give it some time for things to shrink back a bit more.

  6. LauraJayne Says:
    January 15th, 2011 at 11:41 am

    I have had 2 c-sections and look very very similar to you x You are slim and lovely (-:

  7. Robert Bennington Wier Says:
    January 17th, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    Hello.

    “Beauty” as you have known it must be removed from your life- it has become a symbol of you rejecting yourself and this is unnacceptable. You do not want your children to have such an influence in their life.

    Treat yourself as you would want someone else to treat your children- what would it mean if someone else was to instill in your children this sense of self-rejection, self-neglect, and self-abuse that you are experiencing?

    I would call that nothing short of a crime, and that is exactly what is going to happen if you continue to allow such a cruel influence as “beauty” to exist in your life.

    Handle yourself in the way that you would wish someone else to handle your children- that is what is best for you and what is best for them. Be firm but gentle. Don’t take shit from yourself.

    and do NOT listen to people who tell you to ignore this problem of your self-value by saying shit like:

    “ohhh nooo… you ARE beautiful”

    because obviously this is just a way to tinker with one’s idea and value of this concept and emotional placement of “beauty”– but, ask yourself, is this REALLY a solution to this problem?

    Will “re-conditioning” yourself to re-define “beauty” help you at all if, lets say, this husband of yours is still under the influence of the mainstream definition of beauty?

    I would say that no, this is not an effective solution.

    I would suggest you accept your body as it is and put “beauty” behind you. Forget about beauty. There are more important things. Beauty is not important if you accept yourself regardlessly of your appearance.

    Obviously, the soltion to this ‘problem’ that you are describing is not going to just “appear out of nowhere”. You are going to really have to ‘get down to the core of yourself’ and really decide what it is you are going to value in this world and who you are going to be.

    Im not an expert or anything, but I would suggest you start writing down your experience of ‘this’ and also maybe take down all mirrors in your house for a few months.

    Also- why not talk to your husband about what you are experiencing? He should support you to work through this and accept yourself, really accept yourself, if he is really as great as you say.

    -and if he is unable to support you- thats too bad. It means that he has not really accepted you.

    So. Accept you for you; forget beauty. Adios.

  8. Stacey Says:
    January 17th, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    Thank you all for you comments/support..

    Robert.. I’m not exactly sure what you’re trying to say. Maybe I’m over tired, and am just not able to make total sense of your comment, but I am definitely confused as to what you mean.

    I do accept myself for the most part. I’m happy with the person that I am. I’m over the moon in awe of my amazing children, and husband.. But I’m confused as to why I can’t be disappointed with the way my stomach looks. I’m not allowed to have my own feelings about myself? And should take my mirrors down? I don’t think there is anything wrong with taking pride in the way you look, as well as the way you feel. I try to eat healthy, and work out when I can, and that makes me feel great. I’m not saying I’m going to go jump off a bridge because I’m unhappy with the way my stomach looks, but I do believe such a drastic, sudden change in ones appearance takes time for them to accept.

    And my husband does love me, and accept me, and tells me I’m beautiful all the time. The issue has nothing to do with him, the issue is with myself.

  9. Shannon Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    I am not sure what Robert is trying to say either…but I want to tell you that you are beautiful! I don’t think he is getting what this site is all about…we are not accepting the traditional definition of “beauty”, it is bull crap…mother’s are way more beautiful than your untouched teenage bodies…we created life, and every mark we have shows it…what is more beautiful than that? Once the world can accept it, than we can too!

  10. Desirée Says:
    April 4th, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    Honey, I think you’re sexy. Just so ya know ;)

    You’ve got a good mom body, especially for having three kids. I’ve only had one baby, I’m 19 years old, 13 months post partum, and my stomach looks very close to yours. I’ve got the same little flap of skin just above my c-section scar, but I’m coming to terms with it. I genuinely feel sexy some days, and it’s taken a lot of work. I’ve been working on my self-image instead of my figure, and it’s given me better and more lasting results.

    My one piece of advice would be to get yourself some nice lingerie; something that will cover your stomach if you want, but still make you feel smokin’ hot. It’ll make you feel more confident and your husband will still get to see you, so better sex for the both of you. Works for me!

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