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Fourth Baby, Mixed Feelings (Elizabeth)

January 13, 2011

I am 28 weeks pregnant with my forth child, I never thought I would have a forth child. I met a man a year ago who I really fell for after being alone for 2 and a half years after a bad relationship.I was even going to marry him last September. A few weeks after I found out I was pregnant I called off the wedding. I had a gut feeling something was not right. He was not making sense sometimes and I felt like he was hiding something. I just found out two weeks ago that everything this man had ever told me was a lie. We have had no contact since. I don’t mind raising another child on my own, I have done pretty well with the three I have. I am concerned because this is the second time in a row that I became involved with a bad person. I feel like I should have learned. I am also concerned about my children not having fathers. My first two children were with my ex husband, who is terminally ill. he was diagnosed a year ago with colon cancer, which has since spread to his liver and lungs. It’s one of the scariest things I have ever dealt with, and we are taking it one day at a time. My children starting spending half their time with him this school year, and I miss them terribly when they aren’t here, but I know they want to be with him, and he deserves to see them as much as possible. My 3rd baby’s father was accused of molesting his step daughter from a pervious marriage, and I felt like I had no choice but to ask for supervised visitation, but he stopped going when she was 11 months old so she doesn’t know him. She is now three. I don’t know what is going to happen with the baby I am carrying and her father. He is a pathological liar, his other 2 children are being taken away, he is mentally unstable and I am scared of him.. I am still in shcok and very hurt and confused, but I have three beautiful children to keep me going. I feel very blessed for them.

I love all of my children with all of my heart. I want what is best for them. I feel like I would like to meet a nice man someday, but I have terrible luck in that department, and I am scared to take anymore chances for a long time. I am already very self conscious about my body from carrying 4 babies, and from being psychologically abused by my ex. I feel like I better just stay away from men, and enjoy my kids while they are with me, I know they grow so fast, my oldest is almost 14.

I like photography and I took this photo myself with my cameras self timer. I like this picture, the lighting is flattering and it made me feel a little better about myself. I wanted to share it, I love this site. I have posted 2 times before but the posts have been lost.

011311-elizabeth-1

Updated here.

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30 Responses to “Fourth Baby, Mixed Feelings (Elizabeth)”

  1. amber Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 9:07 am

    I am SO sorry that you have had such a difficult time with men. Stay strong for your children. i love the photo, absolutley gorgeous! god bless

  2. Sarah P. Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 9:42 am

    I’m so sorry for your experiences with men. :( Definitely live your life for your children. They are such blessings! You look beautiful, by the way! What a lovely picture!

  3. Jenny W Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 10:40 am

    You look beautiful and i’m sorry to hear about everything you have gone through. I know things will get better for you! In the meantime just focus on your beautiful babies

  4. Renee Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    I love this photo, you look gorgeous! Your body emulates femininity and strength. Good luck to you and your children, they’re lucky to have you as their mom! It sounds like you’re doing your best to keep them safe.

  5. Amy Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    beautiful picture. The lighting is perfect. best of luck in your journey

  6. Shannon Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    I am sorry about your past experience with men…but the right one is out there! Let him come to you :) You look lovely, and you have 3 (soon to be 4) amazing children to show for it. Congrats :)

  7. MJ Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    so sorry for ur unfortunate luck with the fathers of your children :( i think you look super beautiful and you sound like you are a wonderful mother!! stay positive and keep ur spirits up evey life is a wonderful gift!

  8. k Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    wow, you have had to deal with so many awful situations here.. just one of those things would be too much for most people.

    Have you talked with a therapist about your relationships? It might really help a lot.. both to help you stay sane while you deal with the fallout from everything thats going on and to help you realize why you have been drawn to 2 men who have been awful for you… it doesn’t have to be expensive either, a lot of universities or community centers offer counseling for free or at a sliding scale.. I have been myself and it has helped immeasurably..

    i hope things get better and you find someone who is deserving of you and your children, sending you good vibes.. and you look fantastic by the way :)

  9. AGH Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    I am in a similar situation. My 3 year marriage is a farce and all lies. He is unstable and I am afraid of him also. Be thankful you didn’t marry.

    It is not your fault. Some sick people are very convincing. Can you afford counseling? It helped me tremendously.

    Your children will be okay if you are. So do whatever you need to do to get in a good place, focus on the positive and be happy for what you do have, 4 beautiful children.

  10. AGH Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    Also you look very healthy and beautiful!!

  11. Gwenyth Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    Hang in there. You have a wonderful baby on the way! On a side note, your photo is beautiful. During my second pregnancy I tried to take some artsy photos, but nothing like yours. Feel free to email me. I’d love to see any more artistic shots your have! luckygwn27@hushmail.com

  12. Jo Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    You look amazing, what a great shot. You have such a lovely shape – just beautiful.

    Both my brother and I grew up for most of our lives without our father in our lives. He was abusive to my Mum and so we never felt the need to have contact with him. Do what is best for yourself and your children. You will meet the right man in time when you are ready. Children can get as much love from 1 parent as they would from 2, I know this from experience.

    Being a single mother is the toughest job ever, especially when you have 3 and soon to be 4 children. Give yourself kudos. You are an amazing, beautiful person who will be surrounded by love from your children.

    Take time to heal from bad relationships and know that there is someone for you who will treat you as you deserve in life.

  13. Lindsey Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    That is an abolutely beautiful picture! Wow! Good luck with your child’s father. Stay strong!

  14. Rebekah Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Wow, you are SO beautiful! Your photo captures the breathtaking feminine shape of pregnancy!

  15. Mrs.Petunia Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Wow!!! What a gorgeous photo. You seem to have a real talent for photography and are simply radiant in your picture. I LOVE it. I’m really sorry for all the pain you’ve been through with the men in your life. Yet it seems a shame to simply throw in the towel and accept being single if that’s not what you want. It’s clear you have so much to offer in a relationship (you’re artistic, caring, insightful, eloquent). I don’t know if it’s simply bad luck or there is some deeper reason your partners turn out to be so thoroughly unsuitable. At any rate, it might be worth talking to someone about to see if you can figure out this mystery. All that being said, you appear to be a strong and beautiful woman who has made a success of mothering despite all the setbacks. For that you deserve to feel PROUD not guilty. I wish you luck with the new addition to your family!

  16. Tiphanie Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Best of luck to you! Gorgeous photo!

  17. Alicia Says:
    January 13th, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    you are absolutely gorgeous – and a talented photographer.

    i have four children also (my post is up on the site somewhere). i identify with your oldest two losing their father, as i lost mine at 11. it will be very difficult for them, no matter what your relationship or thoughts about him.

    kudos to you for going it alone for the sake of your children. you’re beautiful.

  18. Angela Says:
    January 14th, 2011 at 9:26 am

    You look awesome pregnant!

  19. Lauren Says:
    January 14th, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    Wow what a beautiful picture!

  20. Biz e-Friday Countdown 1.14.11 | Biz e-Mom.com Says:
    January 14th, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    [...] Read the full blog [...]

  21. tara Says:
    January 19th, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    GORGEOUS photo. stay strong mama!

  22. EM Says:
    January 22nd, 2011 at 4:54 am

    Thank you so much everyone for your support! I really love this site :)
    I am still having a hard time emotionally about what happened with the baby’s father, I am still angry that he could lie to me about everything… and I hear he has already moved on to the next girl, lying as usual to get pity and using her for a place to live. I can’t understand people like that. I think he has already forgotten about the baby. I am sure he has convinced himself it’s not even happening. It’s hard for me to admit that I think about this stuff. I shouldn’t even worry about it.
    I go to counseling, I have since what happened with my 3 yr old’s father. Sometimes I still let myself take the blame and I feel guilt that she doesn’t know him. It’s hard because I want what is best for her :( I don’t know what I would do without my own father. He was not perfect but he has been there for me a lot since I have been an adult. I was raised mostly by my mother who has serious bi polar disorder which she refuses to acknowledge or treat. She has always meant well, but it was very hard on me growing up and still do this day. I can’t say I felt loved. That is very important to me, that my kids feel loved. I just keep trying to be the best mother I can so my kids have someone they can go to and trust forever. I am proud of the people they are growing to be :)
    I still have 8 weeks until my due date and I have some anxiety about what things will be like after the baby is here. I don’t know if he has any interest in knowing her, and I don’t know if I want him to. but I cannot wait to meet her. I am naming her Naomi after my grandmother. Naomi Renee :)

  23. L Says:
    January 30th, 2011 at 8:32 am

    Beautiful name and your a beautiful woman. . Love you photo. Congrats on the baby -babys are always a blessing. Im sorry for your strugges and do hope you will find the right man who will treat you right and not lie. They are out there they are jusy hard to find. Keep yourself strong for yourself and your children. They are blessed to haveyou as there mother you seem very level and grounded.

  24. Robert Bennington Wier Says:
    January 31st, 2011 at 12:59 am

    It sounds like you have had it about as rough as it gets- no one should have to go through experiences like this with no support.

    after reading your writing I have to say that I don’t think I would have come out of all of that as stable as you are now. I went through less shit growing up and I was way more fucked up than you sound.

    One day at a time, thats the way to do it for sure.

    and also: you sound more concerned with your children than you do with your body: You definately got your shit straight, girl.

    Keep your head up.

  25. DP Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 1:54 am

    Someone’s gotta say it: if you’re not in a relationship where kids are part of the plan, use birth control. Bad relationships happen but you shouldn’t be left raising a kid from each one. You need to be in control.

  26. EM Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 10:09 pm

    thank you. and DP though i understand where you may be coming from, i have to tell you that i feel like every one of my children was meant to be here. i don’t feel that i’ve made a mistake as far as they go. i can only be in control of myself, and i am, and have been.
    i feel my 14 year old is a reflection of what kind of mother i have been. i had her very young and all the time she was my priority. my kids always have been. i don’t know how many 14 year old’s you know, but i know quite a few of my daughters friends. she is definitely rare. she is respectful of herself and others, she is kind, she is confident, she is in advanced classes in school and still gets A’s. she is amazingly intelligent and level headed. she doesn’t get into any kind of trouble, and she tells me everything. i can’t even express how proud i am. and all of my children are equally as amazing. i don’t want more children at this point and i am in control of that. however i don’t feel an ounce of regret for any of the ones that are already here.

  27. KRISTEN Says:
    March 31st, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    we are kindred spirits. my ex is a verbal abuser, we have twin boys and a daughter. 2 years ago, i met a man and 6 months after we were married i found out he is a porn addict and was on ashleymadison. i deeply admire your courage to continue to carry your 4th. i too was pregnant with my fourth when this happened. i lost the baby from the stress, the night before i found out, i sensed something was wrong with our relationship, i actually prayed to God for wisdom in a journal entry and within 2 hrs a web email was delivered to me alerting me of the months’ web activity (parental control thing). i am deeply mad, scared, hurt and so broken in the trust/love department. my plan is to take it one day at a time and love the children i do have. this happened feb 11, 2011.
    as women and mothers, we need to trust our instincts more.

  28. Heather Says:
    September 19th, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    I can relate so well to your story. I have three children from a previous marriage (first husband cheated and was a liar). I reconnected with a former classmate a while after this and we really hit it off but later found out about 75% of him was a lie and also found out I was pregnant with my fourth child. Things have went from bad to worse and now I am faced with raising a fourth child on my own. Very tough situation for sure :-( God bless you.

  29. Candice Says:
    October 29th, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    I have been where you are. Please go to this web site and see the options they have for low cost counseling. They saved my life.

    You sound like a good woman – which makes you a target for pathologically ill men:

    saferelationshipsmagazine.com

  30. Sandy Says:
    April 16th, 2014 at 11:24 pm

    Its been almost 3 years since the last comment but this article I found on Google. I cannot believe I found somebody that has been through so many similar things as myself just different sorta. I am 24 weeks pregnant with my 4th and I am TERRIFIED I am alone and not even interested in being in a relationship unless its the real deal. In time.

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