My life has been so enriched by my identical twin daughters, but my body… for a long time I thought it had fallen to shreds. Yesterday I challenged myself to find the beauty in the way I’ve been stretched. This photo is my result.
~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 Pregnancy 2 Births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 15 Months
~Your Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births:1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 7 months
~Pre-pregancy weight- 113 pds
~Weight gained during pregnancy- 35 pds
~Post- pregnancy weight- 106 pds
I had my twin boys at 38 weeks they were 6 lb 7 oz and 6 lb 2 oz, 12 pounds of baby!!. I am 5’7 and gained 35 lbs with the pregnancy totaling to 149 and because I had been so thin my entire life couldn’t stand the weight I gained even though it was all just in my belly.
After I gave birth to my twin boys I suffered through postpartum depression and just four months before I gave birth I found out that my boyfriend at the time of 3 years that I was hoping to marry had another relationship with another woman for the entire duration of our relationship. So now I’m a single mother, I’m alone and I didn’t realize to the extent that my body would change. I wish someone in my entire life would’ve told me that this is what you will look like once you have a child. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my boys but I wish I would’ve been mentally prepared.
My friends and family think I’m crazy because I lost all of the pre-pregnancy weight and they say of course you don’t even look like I had a baby or when they do see me with a bathing suit on: Well you look good for having twins.. I want to look good because I look good not because I had a baby. I feel people don’t understand that losing weight is entirely different from the integrity of your skin (the wrinkles and stretch marks). Some days I feel really positive and say that it’ll change and it’ll get better. On other days like now..lol, I feel like who would want me now, I’m damaged goods mentally and physically from a previous relationship and can’t help but think when guys compliment me on my fully clothed body that I’m deceiving them because I have wrinkles in my tummy. I feel totally closed off to any sort of relationship because of how I look.
I never really cared about the stretch marks and just wanted my old tummy back with my old belly button which is an outie now and was an innie-outie before. The stretch marks are gradually fading away remarkably. I have put myself on a workout plan and have given myself until the twins are two to fully recover. Hopefully my esteem will come back and I’ll just focus on being strong for my boys, and raising them. Men have no idea what we women go through I wonder what they’d looked like after having a baby…lol
Pregnancies: 6
Births: 3
Children: Twins 3 & a baby 2 months
I know there are many women on here. You come from all walks of life. However there are two things we have in common… we are unhappy or saddened by our bodies and we love our children.
Being a mother at a young age (20) I gave birth to twins a boy and girl (Johnathan & Allison.) After trying for so long to have a baby god blessed us with two. Now going on 4 yrs. this Christmas they have been my life. After having the twins I was very insecure with my body and didn’t’ find myself attractive… sound familiar ladies? So what I did was have my hubby take pictures of me, to see what I look like threw his eyes. It worked. I felt amazing after I saw the pictures and I realized that I wasn’t suppose to be ashamed of my body, but embrace it. It was after all what I prayed to god for. He gave me what I dreamed of. I know that it’s difficult to look in the mirror and think to yourself, “Wow I have a kick ass body.” Let’s face it ladies, there are very few of us who can do that.
After just having my second son, (Zach) on Aug. 2-10, I have been working my butt off to lose weight. I only gained 10 pounds with him and I gained 8 with the twins. After I had my twins I thought to myself that I missed my smooth skin, the non Freddy Couger look that I carry around my stomach now. But I was so thankful to have them, it no longer mattered. That is until my clothes were off. Here I am three kids later and I know that my tummy will always look like a nightmare. However there are things we can do about the looks. For many of us we cannot afford tummy tucks or breast lifts…. but here are a few helpful hints to get that new mama body back into shape. For those of us who are blessed with the breastfeeding boobies, I have found that push ups work wonders for giving our girls a lift. The tummy, well that’s a little harder. I’m still working on that one myself, but I have found that running, biking and a combo of other exercises do help decrease the flabbiness of the tummy and underarms, (batwings.)
Our children are what drives us to be better, what not let our husbands, boyfriends be the reason to get back into shape? That is what is driving me. I want to look better and feel sexy in my own skin. It’s time we got used to our new bodies and embrace them. I’m a bigger lady and I wear my skin with pride… on most days… think of stretch marks as battle scares of motherhood. The belly bulge as a reminder that you carried a human being for months and you brought him/her/them into this world healthy. You did that. Be proud mama, you deserve a little happiness. Next time you go into a public place, take a look around you. Look at the women. Today’s world is changing. There are many of us out there who are feeling the same way, but if you look closely you can see that we are the real women… not the women the public wants us to be. We are mothers and as such, we should embrace it. Be proud to be a mama and our bodies that our little ones gave us. I truly hope this post helps some of you, that this gives you ambition, hope and inspiration. I’m attaching some pictures of pre-pregnancy and post par tum along with my three children.
Im 21 and had 3 childern in 2 years.After having my son I got stretchmarks below my belly button and there was slight sagging. I dieted and exercised for a year untill someone said how far along are you. I went bulimic and got down to 98 lbs then recovered and went to my pre pregnancy weight of 112 lbs. Then i found out i was pregnant again, but this time with twins. My stomach is now severly deformed and the stretch marks are now above my belly button, I still have a buldge and a flap of skin that hangs over, its my fanny pack. My relationship with my childerns father isnt the same because of my belly. I cant wear jeans, I cant even wear form fitting shirts.I cant beleive I cant go shopping at hollister anymore or wear a bikini,I have to wear granny clothes, I might as well get those long night gowns and wear those for the rest of my life. :( Im constanly depressed, I love my Childern but im bitter, i have friends that were 100 lbs and got to 180 lbs being pregnant, then going right back down to 100 lbs in 2-3 weeks and they dont have a single stretch mark and on top of it thier babies were 7 1/2 to 8 lbs. I hate it, ive pulled myself away from them because when i see them I cry, Them wearing cute hollister clothes with flat tummys pushing thier child in a stoller.I dont like going anywhere anymore becuase of my body,I was a social butterfly,loved hanging out with people,going places. Im not sure how to deal with it and never will.
The photo with the green shirt is “1 month before finding out I was pregnant with my son.”
The photo in the white undies laying on the floor is “after having my son,a little bit of stretch marks”
The other two photos are after having my twins.
26 years old
1 pregnancy
2 babies (twins) boy and girl.
My husband is such a wonderful man. He sees in me the most beautiful and sexy woman alive. Why can’t I see that?? All I see is fat here and there and everywhere! I see imperfections and that is it. My stomach is ugly with stretch marks and saggy on my lower abdomen. My legs are fat! They have always been fat but now they are fatter. Every time I see myself in pictures I feel disgusting. I want to cry!!! I see my twin sister who had her baby four months ago and is so skinny. I see my cousin who just had twins who already lost all her baby weight and then some. I see everyone around me so thin and I feel so ugly. All I feel when people look at me is embarrassment because I can only imagine what they must be thinking of how fat I look. I realize that is probably not the case but I feel that way. It makes me want to run and hide. I had someone at work mention that I was fat and I need to breastfeed in order to lose that weight. Do you know what that comment did to me? It made me feel disgusting and ugly. I felt like a failure. I wanted to cry. I want to cry right now! I hate looking in the mirror but I still do! I pick at every imperfection and cry about it. My question is: Why can’t I see that person my husband sees? You should see how he looks at me. He is all over me when I get out of the shower or when I change. Why can’t I see that woman? If it weren’t for him I think I would’ve have gone insane about how fat and ugly I am. You know, I come to this site and see so many pictures of you ladies and I wish I would look half as good as all of you. I decided to post how I feel and see if I can break free from all this bad attitude towards my body so, I decided to take pictures of me as I am. I want to learn to love me. The mother of two beautiful babies who make my day with just one smile. Who I wouldn’t trade for anything, not even for my pre pregnancy body. I came here so that all that I put above is part of my past and of how I FELT about myself. After this I want to start clean and I want to see that sexy diva my husband sees in me. Thank you all for posting your stories and giving me hope.
I am a mother to 4 beautiful little girls: 2 year old fraternal twins, 15 month old, and a 3 month old. All were carried to term and born vaginally. Pre babies I weighed about 140 and was in pretty descent shape and now post partum I weigh 174.
My story started three years ago when I met my now husband and had the shock of my life when I missed my period a mere month after we had met. Low and behold I was pregnant and pregnant with twins at the age of 20. My twins were born healthy at 5lbs 2oz and 5lbs 14oz on January 8th, 2008. When our twins were about 8 months we found out we were expecting again. This time only one. She was born on April 23rd, 2009 weighing 8lbs even. My husband had gotten a vasectomy and we thought we were in the clear but obviously not because I began feeling nauseous and I’m not one to get sick often we knew baby number 4 was coming. Fortunately we had baby number 4 this year on April 2nd, 2010 and she weighed 8lbs 9oz. Things were not planned but hey when you do the deed you’re bound to get pregnant. Luckily now for sure my husband is in the clear and there will be no more babies for us. Four is a lot but also a blessing. I am a stay at home mother and love my kids and would do anything for them. At times I do get down on myself not looking like I did pre-babies but have to step back and realize my body has been through thick and thin for the past 3 years and has given birth and held 4 beautiful little angels. I may not like it all the time but it’s my body. I realized that no matter what my husband and kids all still love me no matter how ugly my skin may feel to me or look to me at times. I am slowly starting to embrace my new found body and looking at each stretch mark as a mark of love my children have given me. I am now 23 and love looking at my beautiful girls each day. Knowing I carried each one of them amazes me.
i had just left school,starting college when i found out i was pregnant, at the start i didnt know what to do. i was so scared and alone. i was in a relationship with a man i loved for 6months but knew for a long time before,but the last thing i thought of was being pregnant!
i went to the local doctor who comfirmed i was 8-9 weeks preg and examined me etc and booked me into a hospital. at the time i was 16 and had to think of how i was going to tell my mum and dad! dad was great about it,mum was a little annoyed. but it could of been worse i could of been dying etc!
my man was also fine. just came as a shock to every one. my first scan was 12 weeks and i was that early they had to do an internal scan. this is the day we found out we were havin two babies and not one,i was laughing and crying at the same time, anthother shcok to tell everyone, seeing my lil babies on that screen made so proud that i could be the mother carrying these precious little things. i didnt think it would be possible. i had always been slim and around 8 stone for my 5.6 height. the doctor told me to take it easy as i was so young and that my frame weight etc mite make it hard for me to carry to full term. that got me worried.
i started showin after 3 months ,a little baby bump it was so cute.after 5 months i just got bigger and bigger lol. i was never sick alot but i had heartburn every single day all ay long i hated it! every scan went great,no problems wat so ever. i was soo happy.
i got nearer and nearer my due date i started to worry about the labour i was scared. reality was kickin in that these babies wernt staying inside me forever.
the hospital told me they were goin to start me at 39 weeks. my waters broke the night before i went into hospital but labour was slow and tiring so they gave me a drip to start my contractions and i got an epidural. contractions were sore and the pressure of delivering the babaies was horrible. i was glad thje pain was over and
both my little babies were healthy and ok, twin 1 was the smallest at 5.5 pounds and the 2nd twin was 6.5. i had stiches and was home in 3 days.
i wouldnt change a thing apart from my belly now. it really makes me feel down and although i know i should be proud of what i have acheived but i cant. i would love a tummy tuck but couldnt afford it. i am trying to lose a bit of weight as i am 10 stone now. and at 5.5 height that is overweight,it is hard to keep motivated!
ihave really small boobs now,34b size and stretch marks over them and my belly and sides. all my weight seems to go to my hips now.
i read stories on her and im amazed by some of them use are all very strong minded woman and i wish i was like that x
38 years old
5 pregnancies/4 live births/2 miscarriages
7.5 year old daughter, 6 year old son, 2.5 year old boy/girl twins
30 months postpartum
My story is long. It spans more than a decade. When my husband and I got married we didn’t mind if we got pregnant right away. Well, 5 months into our marriage we did find out we were pregnant! We were very excited, as were our families. But, unfortunately we lost our baby due to a miscarriage. I was 10 weeks along when I found out but the baby died at 8 weeks. We did an ultrasound and they could see the embryo but no heartbeat. Well, a month and a half after we lost our baby we had another tragedy, one that I’m still dealing with to this day. We had just gotten back from a surprise visit to our families (both sides) 5oo miles away when we found out that my sister-in-law and her 4 oldest children were murdered. Her 2 youngest children survived. We also found out she was pregnant and was due about a month after our baby would’ve been due. I’m not going to go into more detail other than this it was the most horrible time of my life. Well, we decided to keep trying to have a baby. We thought we’d try to do Natural Family Planning to figure out when I was ovulating. I am blessed to have normal periods. We tried for a couple years. We kept getting a negative pregnancy test. It was a very stressful time. We were living in student housing at the university my husband was getting his Master’s. They didn’t allow pets. My husband wrote the people at the head of the housing dept. and told them our situation (including our tragedy.) Our therapist that I had been seeing for awhile also wrote telling them how it would help me. Well, when we got word that it was Okayed to get a pet the date was September 12th. 2001. It was around this same time or shortly after that our Dr. gave us 3 more months to try before we would do other tests to figure out what was going on. I found out about the Ovulation Predictor Tests and did that 2-3 times. It really does work. But the thing that really worked was getting kittens!! We decided on 2 since they would keep each other company. We found we were pregnant right after the 3rd month ended. My husband gives all the credit to the kittens! :-) I was really blessed to have an easy pregnancy. I was heavy when I got pregnant. I’m only 5 feet. When we got married I was 135. But I was about 170 when I got pregnant the 2nd time. I got up to about 198 when I delivered our first daughter. I had heard about Bradley Natural Childbirth through my sister-in-law. So we went the classes and were very convinced to how important it is about no drugs, etc. I was determined to have a natural birth. My due date came and went and then my Dr. went on vacation. She made an appt. for me to see the ObGyn the following Monday. That Dr. took an ultrasound of our baby (who was thankfully head down! But nothing going on that indicated labor was starting soon.) She hardly saw any fluid around our baby’s head. She told us to go home and get our stuff that I needed to be induced that day. She said she couldn’t guarantee that our baby would be alive in 3 days if we waited. Talk about a scare tactic!! I was so afraid I would end up needing an epidural and having a c-section. I wanted to be able to labor at home!!! We called our families to let them know, got our stuff and went back. I was admitted around 1pm Oct. 21st and they used a quarter of a pill Citotec to get my cervix started. To make a long story short I was able to get a natural birth. The only thing I took was a sleeping pill around 1am to help me sleep a few hours. They punctured my water bags (that left a tiny scratch on my daughters’ head! ) at around 3cm at 8am. That really scared me thinking she did it too soon. Even though they wanted me in bed they did allow me to walk around the boring small hall ways and also sit in a chair. I did find that my body worked better when I was moving. The pushing stage was extremely long, 3 hours or more. But at 11:15pm (34 hours after I was induced) our beautiful daughter was born weighing 8 pounds! She was 10 days overdue!! I nursed her for 11 months when I found out that my milk had dried up and tasted salty. My daughter’s only way of telling me was to bite me and I endured that 3 days! before I found out why. I was sure dreading nursing at that time. I felt so bad for her when I found out why. I was 3 months pregnant with our oldest son at the time. My pregnancy was the same with him very easy. He actually came on his own and right on time! I went into labor 7pm March 20th and labored all night and into the next day. I was determined to labor at home. I went to the hospital once at 1am and they sent me home (fine with me! :-) ) at 1cm. I had a Doula come over to our house (and our daughter went to stay at a friend’s house) and she helped me while my husband rested. I also had a different doula with my daughter’s birth. I believe they do help and are important to have! But I didn’t rest. I found out the hard way how important it is NOT to get exhausted. I finally went to the hospital around 1-2pm March 21st. Everyone was surprised I was 8cm!! But the next 3 hours almost made me not want to have any more kids. My Dr. (who was our original Dr. from the start) gave me the choice of her breaking my water bags. I let her do that and it wasn’t long after that I had nonstop labor pains that were HORRIBLY hard to relax through. Even when I was finally able to push I had no break. At first they had me flat on my back and I didn’t want that. That’s the worse pushing position!!! They realized I didn’t want that and put me on my side. But I didn’t want that either! I couldn’t tell them that I wanted to sit up (like I did with my daughter!) Well, at 5:53 pm our handsome son came screaming into the world. It’s funny he actually got better apgar scores than our daughter. She didn’t cry but was VERY alert looking around right after she got out. Our son weighed 8 pounds and 3.5 ounces. I nursed him until he was 21 months old. I ended up weaning him suddenly because I was pregnant again. I didn’t want to tandem nurse. But we lost our baby around 8 weeks again. This baby was also due when our first baby was due (August). Our daughter was 3 and she was heartbroken when we had to tell her. For awhile we had decided not to have anymore. I was down to 160 lbs. which was still too heavy for my height. (I had also gotten up to about 200 lbs. with my sons pregnancy.) I had always wanted 4 children (2 boys and 2 girls). So we decided to try again. It’s funny when I got pregnant again my sister-in-law (my husband’s sister) had a dream (one before and 2 after we were pregnant) that I was having twins! My mother-in-law was positive I was having twins because I looked so big. But I was heavy to begin with so I didn’t believe it!! When I was 20 weeks along we went to have my first ultrasound and immediately we saw 2 heads!!! What a shock!! I was 100% sure I wasn’t having twins!! We were having one of each! So my dream came true!! So did my sister-in-laws! I still had an easy pregnancy even though it was hard to breath at times. I ended up having a c-section (twin A our son was butt breach and twin B our daughter was transverse laying comfortably across my stomach.) I was really scared to have a c-section and to have to have an epidural. I have scoliosis so that was part of my fear. But everything went beautifully. They were born Dec. 13th 9:14 and 9:15am at Son: 6 lbs. 9 ozs and Daughter: 6 lbs. 3 ozs. I was 39 weeks along. If I wasn’t already scheduled for a c-section I would’ve had the babies anyway that day. I had already started going into labor waiting for them to take me to surgery. I weighed around 208lbs! My heaviest ever!! Even though I really wanted them naturally I was also relieved to have a c-section. I have such long labors and I didn’t think I would be able to physically go through labor even if they were both head down. I have scoliosis so I really feared having the epidural. I made sure the Anesthesiologist knew I had scoliosis. I had no problems with the epidural or the c-section. Everything went perfectly. I only got to see my babies for just a minute and then my husband went off with them. It seemed forever (with the sewing up and recovery) before I got to see them again. (Maybe 2 hours.) My little girl was starting to fall asleep when I got to hold her for the first time. So needless to say she didn’t nurse well in the beginning. My little boy was more awake and nursed better. But I have large nipples and they have small mouths. They were almost 2 pounds smaller than my older children (who had no problem nursing.) When we got home (3 days later) I wasn’t nursing them well. I was sore and bleeding and dreaded nursing. Late that night my husband talked me into to giving one of the formula samples to our son. He was so hungry he practically drank it down quick! I felt so bad that he had been that hungry. So I ended up pumping breast milk and also feeding them with a bottle formula. My kids were thrilled to get to feed them. My husband’s family also helped who lived next door to us. It was a reality check. I was so against the formula and I wanted to nurse my twins so bad that I purposely left most of the formula samples at the hospital. When we explained the situation we were able to get even more than if we had taken all the samples they gave us home. I gave myself a couple of weeks to heal. Then one day I laid my babies on our bed and was getting ready to pump. I had gone to the Lactation Consultant the day before and also had read about correct latch on. So I thought I would try to nurse again. They were growing and maybe their mouths were bigger now. (They might’ve been closer to a month old when I did this.) So I took my baby boy first and tried nursing him. At first he didn’t latch on right and I had to take him off and get him to open wider. After that he did perfectly and I didn’t have anymore problems nursing him. My little girl had a more difficult time nursing. But I kept it up with her too. But I did continue pumping to give them mostly breast milk and also some formula. I was afraid I wasn’t making enough milk for them so I also took Fenugreek to increase my milk supply, and did it ever. My husband loved it! J I think by the time they were 5-6 months old or so I was able to exclusively breastfeed them for a solid 2 months or so before I started giving them solids. My baby girl was always 2-3 pounds lighter than my baby boy from 2-3 months on. I nursed them just until this past March (until they were 27 months old.) I enjoyed it most of the time (99% of the time it was both of them nursing at the same time, which was not always an easy feat!) But I do miss nursing them and the cuddling we did.
I have 2 hernias. One is a belly button hernia that I got when I was halfway through my oldest daughters pregnancy. My second hernia is an incisional hernia. I got it when my twins were about a week old. I was given a stomach girdle to wear after my c-section. If I had known how important it was to wear it I would never have taken it off. But it was uncomfortable and the nurse let me take it off. I wore it at home but not regularly. The day before I was to get my stitches out I wasn’t wearing it and I was sitting on the toilet and I blew my nose. I felt something rip but I didn’t feel any pain. When I stood up one side of my flabby belly was farther down than the other. That really freaked me out. I was afraid that I was going to have to have more surgery to correct (I was thinking like right away). I had the stitches out the next day and the Dr. said I had developed a hernia there in the incision site. I can’t remember what else he said about it but at least it wasn’t an emergency like I was afraid it was going to be. So now I have a double hernia. I was going to get them fixed but Medicaid would not cover it. But it did cover me having the procedure done Essure which is permanent birth control. I would’ve had my tubes tied during the c-section. But I waited too long to get the surgery set up. Medicaid here wants the c-section set up a month in advance and then they will pay for tube tying. Otherwise you would have to pay for ENTIRE thing!! (C-section and all). So when my twins were around 6 months old I had the Essure procedure done. I recommend it to anyone who wants to have a nonsurgical way of permanent birth control.
Anyway I am now 2 and a half years postpartum and I have gained about 10 pounds. I’m around 180. I need to lose weight. My husband is so amazing and supportive. He loves my body but he also wants me healthy. Sometimes I have a hard time breathing at night. I need to figure out a good exercise regime that won’t make my hernias worse. I know I need to walk more. We have a treadmill and are starting to use it more. Sometimes my stomach hurts and I know it’s my hernias. I have these movements in my stomach (lower left area) that feel like a baby kicking. Sometimes you can even see my belly moving like a baby kicked! It’s weird. One time I even took a pregnancy test just to be sure even though I knew it was next to impossible. It was negative, of course. I do miss being pregnant. But 4 is enough for me. I love my children and wouldn’t change things for the world. I know I do need to work on getting my belly smaller and maybe my hernias wouldn’t look so bad. I also need to be healthier for my family and me.
My pictures were taken June, 2010. I was 30 months postpartum, 180 pounds at 5 feet tall.
Age: 25
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy 2 births
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 7 weeks
I had my twin boys at 38 weeks 1 day they were 6 lb 2 oz and 5 lb 5 oz, and perfectly healthy. I gained about 35 lbs with the pregnancy and I had to try pretty hard to put that weight on. I started my
pregnancy at 130 lbs (I’m 5’6″) and I currently weigh 134 and have been at this weight for about 5 weeks now. I seemed to lose most of my weight fairly quickly and was in my old jeans at 5 days postpartum.
Strangers tell me thing like “You look amazing” “Are these really your babies?” “You don’t even look like you’ve had one baby” Sounds great doesn’t it? Except those people don’t have to look at me naked.
I was left with a belly full of stretchmarks and a deformed belly button. I have been trying to not let my body get me down and today is the first day that I really feel hopeless and ugly, I really didn’t think it was THAT bad until I took the pictures. I wish I didn’t care, I wish I still felt beautiful, and I wish I appreciated my body more before. Luckily, my husband is wonderful, literally the best man in the world. He tells me I am more beautiful now than I have ever been, and I believe am to him (he has been very convincing), but I
certainly don’t feel beautiful at all. I got my first stretch mark when I was 30 weeks pregnant and I have not been comfortable in my skin since. I feel like I have a secret under my shirt something no one can ever see, and I am paranoid my shirt will ride up and expose it. During my pregnancy I would constantly think to myself “you are ruined” and “you will never be beautiful again” but I am glad to say I don’t feel entirely ruined, I did make two perfect boys.
I am hoping my skin will tighten up and my stretch marks will fade. How come the fat I have after pregnancy is so much softer than the fat before pregnancy? My belly always had a little bit of fat but it didn’t feel mushy like this. This fat hangs out over my pants and jiggles. I guess I should start a good workout program…
pictures 1-4 are me now, the 5th is a picture of my boys, the 6th is of my belly the day I delivered, and the 7th is my belly right after I found out I was pregnant.
Who am I? I’m a…Mom….who is unsatisfied. Grateful in a lot of respects, but one who feels guilty I’m so unhappy. I can’t believe I’m writing this. Maybe I’ll get some peace with after doing so…doubtful. I must have taken a half dozen pictures of my belly and kept deleting them saying…”nah, it’s not that bad…must be angle.” But, alas, pictures don’t lie so I here I am…humbled….sad…disgusted.
I’m 39 years old with a 4 year old and boy/girl twins who are almost 9 months old. I had an easy pregnancy with my first and difficult time with the twins for obvious reasons. I was on bed rest at 25 weeks and carried them to 38.5 weeks. My son was born 7 lbs. 6 oz. and my daughter was 6 lbs. 1 oz. Everyone is healthy and for that I’m grateful.
But I hate what it’s done to my self esteem. It’s not just my weight really either.
I’ve never been what you’d consider thin. I was always a pear shape with bigger butt and thighs. My only saving grace was my thin waist and belly…now that’s gone. I’m 5’1” and currently weigh about 185 lbs and wearing size 16 pants. With the twins, I got up to like 220. At my happiest, I weighed about 135ish…around my wedding in 2002. Good times!
I’ve tried buying control garments to push in and smooth out the rolls, but it makes me feel like a sausage so I only wear it when I want to look really good…well, as good as I can. I really don’t get out much…thankfully.
Because of our financial situation and with the unexpected twins, I had to quit work and stay home with the twins (my 4 year old goes to pre-school). I hunger for anytime intellectual stimulation and adult interaction. I often think I might be a better Mommy if I wasn’t around them all day, but that is not in the cards right now so I have to make the best out of this. I miss work, but there is no way I could every go back, not even part time, and afford day care for 2 and pre-school for 1. I’m grateful my husband has a good job and we live modestly so we are ok. I do hate having to ask him for money so I can buy socks or underware. It’s kinda humiliating to have to ask for money, but that is my reality now.
One of the hardest things for me is that me and my husband haven’t had sex in almost 2 years (since we conceived the twins). We didn’t at all when I was pregnant…was never really into that for some reason and after the twins, forget it–no energy or time. We are wiped out by 8:30pm and he wakes for work at 5am so he’s tired and I’m tired too. I have a wonderful husband, he’s a great father, great provider…but I feel we have grown distant in a lot of ways. Most of which are related to the chaos of raising a family and not having a lot of “us” time. We were never really ‘nympho’s”…at our best, we had sex 2 to 3 times a month…but it’s starting to bother me. He doesn’t ever complain about it nor does he ever complain about my body…but he never really gives me some positive hope either by saying “oh, honey, you look fine to me.” I’m sure he’s biting his lips out of kindness. I hate my body and don’t feel attractive at all.
The scar doesn’t really bother me, but the “twin skin” does. When I’m laying down, it’s all loose and wrinkled. When I stand, it sags. I don’t even think the gym would help with the extra skin…but it would help if I’d go more. I don’t really mind the gym…getting there is half the battle. The hardest part is managing the twins and a toddler and the gym. Between naps and feeding, I have 45 minutes to get there, drop the off in the child care center on site, work out and get them home for their next nap. I’ve tried working out at home, but I can’t stay focused…I keep thinking about all the housework to do and the million other things I could be doing.
Eating healthy is sooooo much hard work and expensive. Healthy stuff is so expensive and we are living paycheck to paycheck and there is not much left over. And, who has time to cut all that stuff up and prepare…people say the night before….well, I’m beat and exhausted by 9pm. I’m so crazed during the day, that I’m lucky if I can make a PB&J or something quick…surely and conveniently unhealthy. There are times I’m so stressed out that I eat just because it makes me feel better. Like a drug. There are times, I just want to throw up for a week or two to see some results and maybe get motivated. I’m thinking maybe I’ll try Alli too…soiling my pants might be enough motivation to eat well. I don’t know.
It’s not really the weight per se, it’s the displacement of “stuff.” My belly from the side view looks like a “B” and it’s so…weird. I guess that is the twin skin pouch I was warned about. I guess the only lucky part is that I didn’t get any stretch marks which is amazing considering how large I got (picture below is of me at 37 weeks).
I long to be a healthy weight and happy with my body…it doesn’t have to be perfect, but not like it is now which is terrible period. There is not way of sugar coating it for me. I don’t want to be the ‘fat mom’ who can’t run after and keep up with her children. I want my husband to “want me”. I have to find the gumption to do something about this!
Thanks for reading. I hope I can find some peace someday. Maybe after the kids are in school and I go back to work and start saving for a tummy tuck. But for now, I know who I am a frumpy Mom…with no career…no sex life…living in empire waste clothing to hide my belly…with healthy and happy kids, a good husband, and for that I should find comfort…but I really don’t–but will keep trying.
– Age: 39
– Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 2 births—1 via c-section, 1 set of twins via c-section, 1 miscarriage at 9 weeks.
– The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 yr old and 8 month old twins (8 months postpartum)
